BS: neighborhood watch on terror

Subject: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: tar_heel
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 12:59 PM

Neighborhood Watch in the War on Terrorists

As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked
woman who is not his wife. So, next Saturday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all
American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help
weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist
effort.

All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to
prove they are not Taliban, to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see
nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.

And, since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at
your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.

Have the handgun, rifle or other weapon of choice at the ready, in the event
you are called upon to defend yourself.

Then, since the Taliban ALSO does not approve of non-religious music, please
open all doors and windows and put on Ozzie Osbourne's "Bark At The Moon" at
maximum volumne.

When the Taliban minions come pouring out of their homes to flee your
neigborhood, please use your aforementioned "weapon of choice" to defend
yourselves.

The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and
applauds your participation in this antiterrorist activity. God bless
America!

IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 01:03 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 01:07 PM

tar heel ... Uh...OK.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: leprechaun
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 02:04 PM

I don't think this strategy goes far enough. Al Qaida could just pass out opaque contact lenses to all their operatives, and lots of terrorists could slip through the net. A better plan would be to send bathroom monitors into every house, and make sure all loyal Americans are wiping their butts with both hands. Anybody who insists on using only their left hand would obviously be a terrorist.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Troll
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 10:00 PM

Sorry Tar Heel, but no go. I've got nothing against nekkid women (dang it!) but I can't handle alcohol.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 11:50 PM

Well, we could do a Federal campaign to hand out pigskin seat covers and free porkchops to everyone...

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: RangerSteve
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 05:41 AM

Troll, I can't have alcohol either, but they also don't allow paintings or sculpture of people, so I'll be painting pictures of the naked women.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 05:20 PM

RangerSteve,
How about painting pictures ON the naked women?

"I came to town to see
That old tattoo lady.
She was a sight to see
Tattoed from head to knee..."

Now it's a music thread.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 05:36 PM

Sorry folks....no longer operative as the "Terrorism Alert" status has been downgraded from Duct Tape to Masking Tape level......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 06:56 PM

I'll tell ya, I've been watchin' my neighbors in case they're terrorists and Boy! it is boring! Dangerous, too -- you ever think what Kentucky's menfolk (and womenfolk) do when they see somebody watchin' 'em through binoculars? Shucks, couple more inches to the right that ol' 45-70 bullet woulda jist clanged right upside my head! And the language!   
Why, what they said skun* a passin' cat clean and boiled the hair righ offen a hog!

I don't care WHAT John-boy Ashcroft says -- this here watch your neighbors thing is gittin' plum dangerous!




*Skun: v., to skin, parsed out as "skin" "skan" "skun".

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 08:44 PM

ALTERNATIVE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH PLAN FOR RURAL RESIDENTS

As ingenious as Tar Heel's plan is, it plainly will only work in urban or suburban settings. Those of us who live in the country, where the population density is not sufficient to have an adequate parade of naked women, must adopt a secondary plan of action.

Country residents should release all of their livestock from their pens and other enclosures and allow them to roam freely for a day. At the end of that day, any men that are found wandering around in close proximity to the hindquarters of a female quadraped, particularly those of a goat and do not turn out to just be your cousin Bubba practicing animal husbandry again, may be assumed to be terrorists. Turn them over to the proper authorities before Luke decides to try out his new Mini-14 on them.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: leprechaun
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 09:15 PM

I feel safer already.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: DougR
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 01:26 AM

What? No cries of sexist from the liberal crowd about this thread? I'm shocked! :>)

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Hrothgar
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 05:17 AM

Nobody said they had to be female goats, Doug.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: DougR
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 01:57 AM

Hrothgar: Goats? Sorry, I don't follow. Got to be a bit of humor in there somewhere but I guess it went right over my head.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 02:26 AM

Doug,

Click Here for a thread about Osama's pet goat from November.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: DougR
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 05:39 PM

Oh. I missed L.H.'s post in November. Thanks for updating me Bruce.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 08:22 PM

Naked women? Well, not my style. Naked men now, THAT would definately get me to settin' out the full size hammock!

I immagine these here Taliban don't like to see women's undies and bras and such on the clothes line. A sure way to catch one would be to string out all of your women's things on the line and hide and wait for the Taliban neighbors to come pluck your underwear off the line.

SHOW YOUR PATRIOTISM WOMEN, HANG OUT YOUR UNDIES, NOT YOUR FLAGS!

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: leprechaun
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 11:37 PM

That wouldn't be fair, Walking Eagle. Some poor thieving transvestite, who could also be a patriotic American, might not be able to resist the temptation of all those Victoria's Secrets flying in the breeze. It would be a real shame to have some falsely accused economically disenfranchised drag queen get carted off to Guantanamo based on a faulty sting operation like that.

I appreciate your help, but you might want to leave the details to us professional domestic spies.

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 10:39 PM

You may have a point there. But in my case, they'd have to be purt near *flat busted* (heh,heh) to want to swipe my things!

Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror
From: leprechaun
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 11:35 PM

So what are you doing Saturday night?