Duel - MC Fat & Old Git

Subject: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:15 AM

Seeing as Red & White Rabbitt has bigamously wed both moi and the Old Git. I am proposing to challenge him to a duel by folk song    ( hurrah !!) at a venue to be decided. A song a piece who wins decided by the audience reaction winner gets the hand of the wabbit.
So Shanties versus Burns !!!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Raggytash
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:29 AM

MC Fat, I will gladly be your second, I learnt the art at the feet of Bulstrode McFarland of Wheatstone, who, some would argue, was the finest second ever to hold a kerchief. I feel we will be a formidable duo and too much of a match for this usurper.
I have new spare strings, pliers, wirecutters, the Bert Weddon play- with-yourself-in-a-day handbook, voice tablets, a fast winder and of course a plentiful supply of beer. In addition I will prepare whatever you feel is require to deal with this puny foe

Yours in Chivalry


Lord Raggy

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:33 AM

Can I be one of the audience, Jim? Sounds fun...

(Mine's a pint of Black Sheep!)

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:43 AM

Well the Old Git has to accept the challenge Noreen but an audience would be required and of course bribed if needed. Thanks Raggy for the offer of being my second which I shall of course accept 'my liege'. One for All and All for Fat.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Bassic
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:43 AM

"Off with his head!!", "Kick im in the nadgers!!", "Throw im in the pool!!"   Just adding a little athmosphere :-)

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: nutty
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:59 AM

This really does deserve to be moved to the "Bloody Silly" Catagory at the bottom of the page.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:02 AM

Sorry Hazel, but it's musical!
(But it probably does deserve a place below the drivel line)

Btw, does the lovely multicoloured bunny have any say in this?

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:15 AM

Scrap, scrap, scrap, scrap.....!!!

Go Jimboy, I have faith in you.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:31 AM

Ta Pete but it means i need the wurds for Payday cos with you and Hazel's harmonies then it will be a weapon of mass destruction !!!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,Dirty Old Git
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:32 AM

'ere - I aint got hitched to any type of rabbit - I've 'ad the odd sheep in me time, but rabbits are likely ter kick and bite and shite over yer. They usually pong as well - not as bad as Big Bertha's draws though - the laundry in the home refuses to wash 'em now - so she don't often wear any these days.

Anyway I don't 'old wiv getting hitched even when I've got em in the family way - mind yer, if that's the problem she could come round to the home and Loose Liz'll fix er problem wiv a good old-fashioned button-ook.

Now a song and boozing competition that sounds OK - specially if someone else is paying for the booze. The only problem is getting out of the home - matron's bin keeping watch on me and they took away me zimmer frame wiv wheels on after they caught Big Bertha an me having mobile sex on it up and down the landing.

If someone were to write to Matron at The Bellvue Retirement Home (thats a laugh - ow could I retire when I never worked a day in all me life), Chingford, ESSEX, requesting my company for a special concert perhaps she might let me out - don't say nuffin about the booze though or she'll wanna come too.

I'd need a second though - Noreen, are you that bird in the red blouse in the members photos ? - if so, how do yer fancy 'olding me dentures while I sing ? If not I could always try ter get Big Bertha instead - but she'd drink all the booze.

Blow it - 'ere comes matron again must be off - I'll keep an eye out for that invite . . . .

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Raggytash
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:32 AM

Sire, May I recommend the insertion of one of your rapier like drop D ballads right up his jacksy, not very sporting I admit, but damned effective

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,little legs Padgett
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:34 AM

I've been getting reports about all this, I think i've got the gist ~ altho its not catching
Cleckheaton or Saddleworth could be good venues? altho appears to be a Duellist short at the mo'

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:49 AM

Dear Mr D. O. Git,

I fear that, as we have not yet been formally introduced, I will on this occasion be forced to decline your kind offer.

Yours sincerely,

Noreen

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:55 AM

Shall be at Cleckythump on the Saturday have booked into Wickham Arms for B&B also going to Saddleworth both venues for a duel cos I believe the Old Git is going to at least one if not both

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Bassic
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 07:56 AM

Dont worry OG, I detect a shift in fortunes following the Kate Rusby revelations!!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,Dirty Old Git
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 08:04 AM

Oh I get it this this ere Red and White Rabbit is really a woman. Mind yer I still don't remember getting hitched unless it happened when Big Bertha an me drank that bottle of surgical spirit out of the medical cupboard.

Anyway if I can win this duel thing, do I get me leg over this rabbit bint ? If so I'm definitely interested. Could we ave this contest somewhere near Chingford though, or pehaps in a East End pub you know Mile End Road or somewhere. I've got me bus pass, but I've never eard of these places like Cleckheaton or Saddleworth - are they south of the river coz you'll never get me over there - mindyer I wouln't mind going up west to one of them posh places though.

Anyway who's this bloke what I've got ter beat, McFat is he some overweight scottish geezer - I reckon it'd be a doddle. Let's ave a few more details and don't forget to send that letter to matron.

Noreen love - if you come round to the home at visiting time, I'm sure I could get Big Bertha and Loose Liz to introduce us - though Big Bertha does get a bit jealous of uvver birds - she didn't alf cop that nurse one when she was elping me to get me trousers off the other day . . . .

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 08:55 AM

Me thinks Dirty Old Git and Old Git are different folks does this mean I've got to fight

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Raggytash
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 09:45 AM

Have not a care, young Harry McFat, I have a feeling that if we saw one half of one of his walking sticks we can incapacitate the old fellow and have hime hobbling round in circles.
That should afford us enough time to deal with this usurper who purports to be wedded to the lovely Rabbit.

Yours in Chivalry, not to say a little underhanded deviousness as well

Lord Raggy

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 10:06 AM

me thinks I will have to wax me tash so that twist it like in the Victorian melodramas

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,Dirty Old Git
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 11:43 AM

Oi - you fat scotsman - you try anyfing like that and Big Bertha would flatten yer. I reckon it's a case of mistaken identity - like that bird wiv the mole on her boob and the tattoo on her bum wot tried it on wiv me once - never seen er before as I told the old bill.
I was a bit puzzled why you wanted to ave a duel when it was this fella Moi wot had married er - I thought you might be talking about old Moise Isaacs wot used to have a shellfish stall down the Roman Road - but ee snuffed it years ago.

Anyway anytime yers wants a singin or boozin contest you just come down ere and we're show you a thing or two.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 12:34 PM

Methinks perhaps there is a great deal of confusion owing to the closeness in name to number one husband and the gent who sounds somewhat southern to me.

Let me put you all the picture - three husbands and one fiance - cant afford the divorce parties so it seemed better just not to tell the others!!

Number one husband's name is OLD GIT not DIRTY OLD GIT - he has gone up to Scotland for the weekend on a fact finding mission prior to accepting the challenge to the duel - Number three husbands name is MCFAT - please note I have reverted to original name( R&W rabbit) so as not to be seen to be taking sides in this duel by calling myself MRS MCFAT now - MCFAT and I are due to divorce pre next Beverley so that I can marry Paul.
Sire's I cannot bare the thought of another husband in the serious Burns unit ( that for those of you who are interested that is where number two husband has spent much of this year)and if the OLD GIT had to perform a shanty would not he need another 3 seconds all singing the same to accompany him? and I am sure ladies you can understand that that three seconds is not long enough!!

So now you all no - and Les from Hull I am sure you snog better than Kate Rusby - oops wrong thread!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 11:42 PM

From the sound of things, epithets at 30 paces would be completely ineffective.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 02:59 AM

I have just read back my drivel - I am not sure what you all 'no' but you do 'know' could I spell it 'gno' and use it to mean either - maybe I will just stick to sign langauge (never was any good at multi-tasking and thinking and typing comes into that category)

Anyway now that I have extended the drivel I have just seen MCFAT and discussed said duel - so whether you lot say 'no' or not he wants a duel. Since OLD GIT doesnt know if he can make it to Clekythump and they are both on the bill for the late night extra at Saddleworth that seems a good venue to me. MCFAT is concerned he wont have enough supporters there though

ALIO if you are out there you might have a new session to rival the wars of the roses - still cant understand how you can get a little fat Scot to represent Yorkshire

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 03:00 AM

notice I have now gone really annonymous!!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 03:18 AM

just realised my mis - spelt word could have appeared on another thread - can we play a game of tenous links- maybe I will start a new thread

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: vectis
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 06:57 PM

Hold the duel at Whitby and I'll do the first aid.
Ooohh i do luv a good kiss of life :-))
Mary

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,concerned and confused
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 04:40 AM

hows this ere duel going to work - stand back to back walk ten paces and then let rip? are you ging to right the songs down and then origami them into sword and then fight?

come on 'give us a clue - does that mean I support old git as that is one of his lines?

Good idea about whitby the loser could throw themselves off the pier. Raggy Its nice to see you made yourself useful - suprised at you wanting to be second though!!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 12:12 PM

Sounds like pissed trolls at dawn .....

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 06:00 AM

Perhaps it's 'the Duel of the Tight 'uns'. Having put down the challenge. I await the Old Git's reply. Perhaps Whitby would be an idea. However may need to be on a neutral venue such as 'Le Equine Noir' as home advantage at Tap or Endeavour may skew the result.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 09:20 PM

If you are that serious, come to NY. We will row you over to the duelling grounds at Weehawken, NJ, where Hamilton and Burr met. We will lend you rubber swords or pistols that shoot out little flags that say "BANG" and let you do this right. If one of you dies, the other should be totally surprised and embarassed. Besides, it's a good excuse for a party.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,Old git
Date: 01 Jul 03 - 08:11 PM

just picked up this thread after my return from the west coast of scotland
right near burns country
ok   i accept
but does Mcfat know any shanties?

missed something along the line
how did kate rusby get involved??

Saddleworth or Whitby are fine
can't make cleckie

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 02:13 AM

now I am really worried

pissed trolls at dawn that shout bang and tightuns that drop dead singing shanties -

MR ebarnacle lets forget these two - you could row them over and leave them there and I'll stick with you - a party sounds like a great idea (are you husband number 5 material though? - well you know us rabbits we're always on the lookout)

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 04:34 AM

Avast me hearties, the Old Git accepts ze challenge. Looks like it will have to be Sadleworth although both of us are working so a 'window of opportunity' may be hard to find. However at Whitby there's a whole week of 'windows'. I thought I heard the Old Git say John can knack his knackers toor a lay.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Raggytash
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 06:26 AM

James,
With me as your loyal second I can confidently say, that come the day, we can knacker his knackers and then go on a laying tour. You'd best tell the Rabbit to get her mattress restuffed.

As always Sire, your in Chivalry and Inderhanded deviousness

Raggy

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 06:38 AM

Blood Blood Blood - preferably red

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 06:49 AM

Underhand and devious is the way Raggy

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Morticia
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 08:05 AM

Is R&W Rabbit going to become a Widow of Opportunity then?

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 08:55 AM

Red and White, I accept. It sounds like the perfect denouement to the foolishness of the event. EBarnacle

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 11:11 AM

refresh

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: GUEST,Old Git
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 02:11 PM

ae fond kiss and then I'll sever.....
any seconds?
I've never refused seconds

still confused about the Kate Rusby connection

we'll get this over with and then we can run rabbit run

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: old git
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:05 PM

or should that be
won wabbit won!!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: old git
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:12 PM

will it be broadside to broadside?

any one who knows us both will understand that!

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 02:18 AM

Mr EBarnacle - since they are now talking about stuffing rabbits and baying for blood I reckon your party sounds like a good idea to me - do you know the price of shipping bunnies to the States from West Yorks? I am quite up on the cost of weddings - so we could make the party a wedding reception if you like?

Geoff you would have to approach Alio and ask permission for Geoff to be your second - infact he could be your body (and name double) wonder what he's like in bed?

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: MC Fat
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 05:00 AM

There is aparantly a window of opportunity at Saddleworth in't afternoon on Saturday. Perhaps Glenn can be your second 'Old Git'

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 08:46 AM

I don't know what the airfare is. I am, however, at your service. As to the possibility of a wedding reception, isn't it a good idea to dispose of the previous vis a vis first? The possibility of marooning them on an isle in the middle of the bay is getting more and more attractive.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 12:51 PM

Ebarnacle - I thought you had realised that the reason for the duel is because unlike the extremely clever praying mantis I do not seem to dispose of previous males - cant affrd the divorce parties or coffins!!!! By the way who pays out for the coffins if I do become a widow of oppotunity?

not sure if MCFAT would like to be marooned on an island but since the old git is in favour of sea songs and shanties it might be a fitting end for him - MCFAT would probably prefer death by alcohol poisoning - do they make a good wheat beer in the States? You could just set him afloat with that and hs much beloved EPIPHONE and I dont think he would care what you and I were up to - sorry Raggy I guess you wouldnt receive your inheritance that way though

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: old git
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 04:28 PM

I'll make it easier for you to dispose of this one
I concede!
Losing is not in my vocab and this is an easier way out
i'm throwing in the towel before it gets blood stained

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: old git
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 04:32 PM

Bassic
i'm still curious about the Kate rusby revelations
what revelations?

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: Noreen
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 07:37 PM

Snogged Kate Rusby last night.

There you go, old git.

Subject: RE: Duel - MC Fat & Old Git
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 04 Jul 03 - 02:05 AM

If you allow them to be marooned, they can dispose of each other with no trouble for anyone else, sort of like the Kilkenny cats.