Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence

Subject: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Eamonn Holmes
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:00 AM

Isaac ...

You were a good 'un.

I'll never forget having a garavy chip with you in The Peking after a hard night on the Baileys in The Ashburn!

You were always willing to abandon politics and religious bitterness in favour of a rake of drink and a bit of a take-away.

For that, I respect you.

Eamonn

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Sinead O'Connor
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:01 AM

Respec' due!

Ras Ta Far I!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Brendan Bowyer
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:02 AM

Gutted!

I can har'ly bring myself to hucklebuck t'day at all!

Sleep well, oul hand!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Ian Paisley
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:03 AM

You may have been a backslider and a fraterniser, but ... damnit ... you were one of our own!

(Breaks down in uncontrollable sobs)

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Gloria Hunniford
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:04 AM

Isaac ..

I am so, so sorry!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Caron Keating
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:05 AM

Quit yappin', ma!

You're destroying yer mascara.

Buck up!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: Hollowfox
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:19 AM

Could someone please enlighten a clueless yank?

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Tom Paulin
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:38 AM

I never liked the man.

I never said anything good about him when he was alive.

I'm buggered if I'm going to say anything good about him now he's dead!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Daniel O'Donnell
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:38 AM

We were brawrs till the end, Isaac.

I'll never fergit you!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:42 AM

Ah, the bewildered Yank without whom no Drumcree thread is complete.

The story begins more or less here, though there are antecedents which you might find by doing a word search for Drumcree.
This year's gripping instalment begins here.

But don't go into mourning just yet, yon Isaac is a bit of a Finnegan. We haven't seen the last of him yet. He's just using the Fenian ploy of the staged death and funeral to confound his enemies before he rises up and strikes again. His law has yet to chucky.

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Dana
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:02 PM

Thon Hunniford huzzy has a quareneck on 'er showin' her oul' face here.

If I get a houl' of thon blow-dried mop, I'll have it out by the root, so I will!

Hunniford!

D'ye hear me?

Ye dorty clart!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Caron Keating
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:03 PM

Just ignore her, ma!

Oi, Brown - ye talentless God-botherer - away and ball yer dung!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Brush Shiels
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 06:49 AM

What?

Who?

Jayz!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Ringo McDonagh
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 06:50 AM

Shove over there and let a man get a bit of elbow-room!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Big Tom
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 06:52 AM

(wheeze, pant)

You were an in (wheeze) spiration.

Rest (wheeze) in peace.

(wheeze)

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Newsflash
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 07:59 AM

The Isaac McKittery Memorial Fund is instigating legal proceedings against Franklin Mint, the US-owned manufacturer and retailer of gewgaws, catchpennies and trumpery, after they have, it is alleged, been marketing an Isaac McKittery action figure without first having sought the Fund's permission. The Fund claims worldwide merchandising rights in respect of the dead Ulster folk-hero.

Dressed in black suit, with white gloves, bowler, brolly and sash, The McKittery "Deluxe Souvenir" utters a number of phrases - "Ulster Says No!", "No Surrender", "Gi's A Swig O' Thon Buckie Ye Tight Bastard" and "Anybody Want A Bang On This Joint Before I Put It Out?".

The US company was unavailable for comment.

However a spokesman for the Isaac McKittery Memorial Fund issued the following statement. "Them hoors' melts'll rue the day they messed wi' the boys of Killicomaine! If they don't back down they'll be the sorry men, 'n that's for sure! Ha' you got a wee feg on ye, by any chance, darlin'? I'm gaspin', I am."

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,Pope John Paul II
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 03:12 PM

I can't believe it. Sure when young Guido toul me this mornin' it fair put the heart across me so it did an' me not to the fore as the man said. Feck me it was just like yesterday me an him was stokin' the oul bone fire on the eleventh night and him jokin' that he was gonna throw me on tap a it...well I think he was jokin' anyway. Ahh McKittery even though you were a bitter, twisted, orange hoor ye'll be sore missed so ye will. I'll get the beads out now for a wee novena after a finish this feg.

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: alison
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 09:22 PM

"As flags of all colours were lowered and a lone piper sounded a lament, McKittery's body was lowered into the sea and floated off."

does Greenpeace know about this?

yer all away in the head!!

do ye think we all came up the Lagan in a bubble? ... I fer one won't believe it until his body washes up on a beach somewhere where I can see it....... and its whale watching season over here.... could be confusing for whoever finds him....

I reckin he's jist actin' the goat as usual... If I had a fiver for every time he's pulled this stunt I'd almost be able to come back over there and bate some sense into the waster!!

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,The Isaac McKittery Memorial Fund
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:03 AM

Daughter dear, houl' yer whisht for a minute and quit yer oul' philanderin'.

Nigh ...

We'll take it as the grief has you makin' wile accusations and so, on this here occasion, we'll say no more about it.

However, as legal custodians of the McKittery brand and legacy in all territories worldwide, we will not stand for aspersions bein' cast on the man in death - as indeed he would not have stood for such in life.

Samuel Burntollet Carson Mehaffey
Chief Executive
IMcKMF (Worldwide) Inc.

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: Hrothgar
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:21 AM

Will ye pay back the fiver he borrowed last year?

Subject: RE: Isaac McKittery : The Book Of Condolence
From: GUEST,IMcKMF (W) Inc
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:39 AM

In yer eye, mate!

Tell it till the judge!