BS: Wiping the memories from a house

Subject: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 09:38 PM

Boy it seems everyone is moving lately....this week we're helping my Oma move...she's selling her place...and getting a new place in town....and today well we took out alot of rubbish from various sheds and painted the house...at the end of the day I started looking at everything....the swing set....the view of the river....the view of mount saint helens....and looking at old photos...alot of old photos of my late Opa....who died in February...and i got to thinking of all the memories this house has accumulated in over 30 years....easter egg hunts and birthdays and christmases...for the kids...and later for the grandkids...I remembered being as a very young kid...my dad (then was still married to his exwife) took me and a few others up to their house...and I remember them giving me a loud noisy toy machine gun for my birthday...this was even before I was their grandkid...and then I remembered things like one of their anniversaries many years ago...the kids poole dtheir money together and got them a trip to Hawaii....and then a couple of years ago opa turned 75...and we all had a surprise party for him...and 75 people were invited....less than a year later he got sick and was diagnosed with cancer...less than a year after that he was gone....and the house has seemed empty since...

I stood there looking at the river today thinking of all the memories being wiped away from this house...as if it were a chalkboard...machine parts hauled out...tools gone...rubbish left behind...rubbish will be gone in a few days....and then soon the photos will be placed into boxes along with the furniture...and no trace left of us in the house....

I found it kind of odd that soon I will not see that lovely place again...or look up and see the hawks diving in the field....or the boats sailing down the river and it brought me to tears...I wonder if the next owner realises how many years of memories have vanished from that house...and if they will appreciate it enough to build many many years of memories for their own....will they have christmases with one of the neighbours coming in dressed as Santa? Will they have easter eggs hidden in odd places...like inside of tree branches...gardens...gutters....will they know the joy of a Thanksgiving dinner with family talking chewing noisily and laughing as they sip their wine? Will they have the joy of hiking back five to ten miles in hip deep mud as you try to find the perfect camping space? Will they take their kids and grandkids on rides with a trailer being pulled by a tractor mower?...will they just know the value of family? by blood or spiritual? I don't know...and I do not expect to ever find out...but I certainly hope they will love it there.

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 09:56 PM

Amergin,

Transitions are always tough. If it helps any, the strongest experiences a place participates in often imbue it with a sort of memory on a material level which is often "picked up" by others who come after.

Changes are the only pathinto the future.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: LadyJean
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 10:18 PM

I once lived in a house that had been owned by some unpleasant people. It wasn't just the white walls and sand colored carpet that they left behind. They left an impression on the house. I could feel the anger and the resentment they had left behind.
Your grandparents left their mark on the house. From the sound of them it's a good thing. The next owner may treasure the swing set, and the other things your grandmother left behind, and while I now sound like a new age kook, your family left an impression on the house that will stay after they are gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Peg
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 10:23 PM

on a somewhat practical level but also a very personal and spiritual one....

One can perform cleansing rites in a home one is leaving or coming into. Salt, rosemary, and lavender are traditional herbs for cleansing energy (whether of banishment or renewal). You can sprinkle them about and then sweep them up. Some people like to burn incense too, smudging sage leaves or other ingredients. Ringing bells in corners and at openings (windows, doors) supposedly helps drive away negative energy and awaken positive. Such a ritual can be as unique as the individual doing it..but with something as big as leaving a house, or moving into a new home, it is good to do something to mark the occasion...

peg

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 10:29 PM

The thing that sold our house in Indiana wasn't the location, though that was excellent, or the "curb appeal," though that too was good. What sold it was the "happiness." The couple who bought it sensed that it was a "happy house" (as we'd tried to make it for sixteen years) and bought it because of that. I'm searching for a house now, and want to find a "happy" one. Life's too short for the other kind.

Positive energy will imbue a house with good feelings, and Amerigin, they will stay for a long, long time.

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 12:33 AM

Just an hour ago, at the Pub, a mate told me that today he moved out of what he calls my "Happy House", which I built 25 years back. The current owners are returning. Many people have talked about it in those terms. I put my heart and soul into building it. Alas, the lady I built it for wandered off. For me, it ceased to be a "Happy House" - it's onlu ¼ mile away, hidden in the bush. I haven't seen it in a decade.

SHIT - I'm not having a good day - but I'm chuffed to know that what I built is still "happy" for others - I won't let myself get "in the pits" Rapaire, but these threads are getting me close.

Cheers - Sam

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 12:35 AM

Why don't the fruits of the laborer belong to the laborer. British Law sucks.

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:33 AM

I looked at about 12 houses when we were househunting 8 years ago. Of all those houses, most were cold and sterile - the people hadn't been there long enough to make an impression, and the house didn't want us there. One was positively uncomfortable, but that could have been the disgusting wallpaper or the obviously displayed fact that the owner had severe political beliefs that were possibly even stronger than that of Iain Paisley. This one, the one we bought, was my house as soon as I walked in the door. It would have always have been my house even if we'd not been able to buy it. It is my house even though Manitas pays for it.... it felt like my house as soon as I set foot in it, and it will still be my house when we leave.

My other house is a 16th Century farmhouse in Dorset. It's still my house even though I've not lived there since 1975. I look at it every time I pass it and wonder if the people in it are as happy as I was... by the look of what they've done to the best parlour, I'd say not. The house certainly isn't happy with them!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Kim C
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:05 AM

Oh thanks a LOT for makin me cry! ;-)

You have some wonderful memories and no one can take those away from you. I am sure the next owners will make plenty of memories of their own.

Mister and I live in an old house that had plenty of its own memories. The landlady grew up in it, and over the years has told us lots of stories about her dad, her grandfather, her uncle, and all the other people who've lived there. We still have the pear trees her father planted out in the front yard. We've tried to be good stewards of this old house, and have made a lot of memories over the last 12 years. Which may be why I am reluctant to move from there and buy my own house.

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 09:28 PM

Amergin,
The people who owned my house before me lived in it for over 40 years. They raised their children, dealt with serious illnesses, and the death of a child. At the closing, the wife sat and cried. I felt like a momnster taking her home away.

After the closing, I went in the back door and felt as if I were sneaking around in someone else's house. I started to talk to it - neighbors must have thought I was nuts. Mostly I wanted it to know that I intended to be happy there too.

Just before I moved my things in, I opened a closet and noticed that only two walls and the ceiling were painted. A flashlight soon revealed the back wall and side were covered with signatures and happy notes from people over the years celebrating birthdays, a wedding, etc. That closet will never be painted while I live in the house. In fact, I expect to continue the tradition and fill another wall with happy memories.

The house and I have come to terms. I find peace inside.

Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: NicoleC
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 09:42 PM

Why not leave a note for the new occupants? Share a few cherished memories and wish them as much happiness and joy in the home as you had. If they are going to be moving in soon, leave some fresh wildflowers on the counter, or fruit from the backyard tree.

I think most people, under the stress of moving, would be delighted to find such a thoughtful gesture. And it might give the old house a leg up in the happy occupant department :)

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:00 PM

Sinsull, I talked to this house too, when I was moving in. Glad to know I'm not the only one!

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:31 PM

Sinsull & Kim,

Keep talking to your houses. I do, almost every day. My century-plus "shack" may be falling apart, but the "Foxhole" is my best friend. I'm slowly learning some of the stories of the past. We 'House-talkers' may be MAD, but it's NICE!

Cheers - Sam

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:26 PM

I'm sure there's a book in it somewhere -- "The House Whisperer" -- about a woman who is driven away from her horse andher family but gets to keep the house, and thereby discovers a new career....


A

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:32 PM

I still talk to this house even though it's been torn down. I've also been getting acquainted with our new one, the first we've owned, not rented, since 1983. It's a bit more humble, but more solid and offer a cozy comfort all its own.

Amergin, I second the leaving the new owners a note, even just a print-out of what you've written for us. It is well said, very poignant and straight from the heart. Thanks for sharing with us.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:42 PM

Write them a poem, Nathan and leave it on a large scroll, clearly marked for the new owners.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Deckman
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 01:54 AM

Tough note, tough thoughts, tough times. There's a kinda tradition that I stumbled into years ago ... two traditions actually. One is, upon leaving, place a penny on a shelf in the medicine cabinet. This can be a token of good wish to the new tenets. Also, as a lifelong carpenter, I have often discovered, and I also often leave, "time capsules" for the future people.

I've opened up old walls and found carpenters signatures scrawled on studs, flooring, bracing. I've found old newspapers. I once found an old beer bottle with a note inside.

I agree with others here. A happy house does have it's own happy energy and memory. And you can feel it and touch it as you walk in.

Hopefully others will sense and kindle that same spirit. CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:18 AM

When I moved house recently I lit a candle and pace it on the mantle piece over the fire and said a little blessing. It burned while we were loading the van with all my belongings and possessions. When we had finished loading the van I snuffed out the candle and packed it safely in the van. The first thing I did when I reached my new place was to take the candle and light it and place it on the mantle piece over the fire and said a little blessing to welcome me to my new home but keep the memories of what had gone before alive.

Khatt

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: GUEST,ShelleyC at work
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:20 AM

Katlaughing wrote 'I still talk to this house, even though its been torn down'. That's very important - it shows that the memories are in your head and your heart, even when you have to move on.

Recently, I came home to find that there had been a fire in the flat below mine. Everyone from the block had been evacuated while the fire was put out. Luckily, no-one was hurt and no lasting damage done. But it made me realise just how easily I could have lost my entire home and possessions.

This would have been a hugely distressing experience - but I hope I would have been able to move on, cherishing the memories in my head. You can take those with you wherever you go.

Best wishes
ShelleyC

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:36 PM

Thanks everyone for your kind words...and many great ideas...I just may do something of that sort.. ;)

I go back tomorrow to clear the rest of the rubbish out and thenOma will put the house on the market...

I did go by her new place though and it looks rather nice and small fitting her needs.

Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Wiping the memories from a house
From: open mike
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 04:30 PM

you may also get visiting rights..
i returned recently to the place
my recently deceased parents lived
for 32 years(and I was there for
my jr high and high school years)
It was good to see that it was
still there, and also ppossible
to see the changes that the current
residents had made. I was happy
to see that ther are creative people,
and had several sculptures in the
yard! If you ever go back again, i am
sure the current owners would under-
stand that people you loved lived
ther and might welcome your visits,
and hearing stories!