Subject: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: PoppaGator Date: 12 Jan 04 - 06:25 PM Once again, the Weekly World News provides food for thought: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=60359 |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donut Post to this Thread thre From: Peace Date: 12 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM A-freakin'-mazing! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 12 Jan 04 - 07:02 PM Well, there may be an amnesty, so they'll be able to get them legally! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:43 AM We tried Krispy Kreme donuts when they came to NM, and couldn't figure out what the fuss was about. I wouldn't go two blocks out of my way for a Krispy Kreme, never mind two light years - and here I thought aliens were supposed to be superior beings. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Amos Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:15 AM Well, they are, but bear in mind they don't have carbon-oxygen driven bodies, such as Earthies do; so they don't actually get the Krispy Kreme for easting, you see. It's just one of those cosmic coincidences that the standard hole-diameters and texture of Krispy Kreme make them ideal for aliens to use as, er, adult devices, you see.... A |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Kim C Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:16 AM Aw Sue... I grew up on Krispy Kreme. We used to get them every Sunday after church when I was a wee lassie. Still my favorite donut, although I don't eat donuts like I used to........... |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: GUEST,MMario Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:38 AM they are okay if you can't get any real doughnuts. - their flying saucers go at least two light years out of the way to make Krispy Kreme runs Considering the nearest solar system to ours is 4 light years away a two ly detour makes us the equivilant of a EZ-off EZ-On drive through! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Kim C Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:58 AM Hey now! They make the best chocolate-covered creme-filled donut in the universe. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 13 Jan 04 - 12:04 PM I see, Amos, not "Aliens Love Donuts" but "alien love-donuts." (I can just see the new Krispy Kreme advertising campaign.) Let's hope they don't discover bagels, or us poor little Solians will be attracting all kinds of undesirable extra-terrestrials, and risk becoming a sort of intergalactic adult book store. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Amos Date: 13 Jan 04 - 12:41 PM Sue: Oh, horrors, horrors!! LOL!! Very funny! A |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:32 PM SueB: For you. Martian spacecraft crashes due to a flat tire outside Bernie's Deli. Martian sees a bagel and thinks it's a spare tire. He goes to buy it. He says, "Let me have a spare tire, please." Bernie says, "What?" "I'd like a spare tire please," as he points. Bernie says, "Oh you mean a bagel!" Martian says, "What do you do with them?" Bernie says, "Eat 'em." He gives the Martian a taste. The Martian ponders for a few seconds and says, "You know, this would go good with lox and cream cheese." |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Little Hawk Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM What the Weekly World News fails to realize is that the Krispy Kreme thing is a scam intended to lull us all into a false sense of security. The aliens intend to take over the Earth with the aid of hamsters. Hamsters are actually an alien lifeform introduced not very long ago, biologically speaking, and they are slowly infiltrating homes all over the World. When the time comes the hamsters and the aliens will strike simultaneously and the jig will be up for humanity! The human survivors will be enslaved, kept in cages, made to run on excercise wheels to generate power, and fed nothing but Krispy Kreme donuts. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:59 PM I don't understand how the kreme gets krispy. In fact, I've never had a Krispy Kreme donut. The hamsters taste good, though. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Kim C Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:37 PM I thought dogs were trying to take over the world... |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: GUEST,MMario Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:46 PM *I* thought it was the Manatees and the Dutch! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: PoppaGator Date: 13 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM More alien lore today, from one of my co-workers. I think this came off the web (like everything else), but he sent it to me as a Word document, so I don't have a link that would lead us to further nonsense, or at least would identify the source. I'll just copy-and-paste they whole thing; if you don't have the patience to read the whole thing, skip to the bottom -- the bulleted-list items make up the funniest part: ALIENS AMONG US How well do you really know your mate? The old saying about men and women being from different planets isn't always a joke: You may really be married to someone from outer space! "As many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States after taking on human form," says Dr. James Kune, a physicist and former government UFO expert. "They're evenly split between male and female, and most of them are married though childless. "My research has determined that the average person has a 50-50 chance of being married to one." Dr. Kune says he has researched human-alien marriages for the past 10 years and uncovered at least 1,000 cases of aliens passing themselves off as humans -- so convincingly, few spouses have the slightest clue. "Their motives for coming here remain unclear," he says. "World conquest, the desire to live on a strange planet, overcrowding on their home world -- take your pick. We will know the answer eventually." Dr. Kune says aliens mate with us for both practical and emotional reasons. "In the early years of alien visitation, many E.T.s were looking only for cover -- marrying a human man or woman took suspicion off them as outsiders. Eventually they realized that not all humans marry, that they could just as easily pass as 'confirmed bachelors' or 'old maids.' " But most aliens actually did end up marrying. "For most other species, it's unnatural NOT to pair off with someone. The longer they stayed here, the lonelier and more eager for companionship they became. And so they began developing actual loving relationships with humans. "One of the most surprising findings in my research is that these alien-human relationships are among Earth's strongest marriages. While the overall divorce rate for U.S. marriages is hovering around 50 percent, almost 90 percent of alien-human marriages last well beyond the so-called 'seven-year itch' that often marks the end of human-to-human marriage. "I can only theorize that the aliens are working harder to make their relationships succeed, probably to protect their true identities. Or maybe they just like being married -- which," he says with a smile, "really should be our first clue that they're not human." Getting serious again, Dr. Kune has several signs that point to your spouse being out of this world. Alien husbands: · Love to fix things around the house -- and actually repair what's broken instead of making it worse. "This is obviously a function of their highly developed mechanical and scientific skills," Dr. Kune says. "They usually have every high-tech power tool they can get their hands on, and keep it all compulsively organized." · Do not use the TV remote to "surf" at lightning speed through channels, but stop at each program to absorb the information before moving on. · Are energized and stimulated by physical contact with their wife. They often initiate long conversations after a lovemaking session, in order to better understand the experience. · Will ask for directions when they're lost -- sometimes. "A significant number are just as stubborn about it as human men," Dr. Kune says. "I suspect that a lot of aliens are on this planet only because they couldn't find their way to their planned destination." Alien wives: · Are fascinated by sporting events, especially those on TV. They become very quiet during a game and do not question their husband about it, preferring to focus on the game and tune in telepathically to the coaches and players. · Approach housework and meal preparation as research into human labor, which they prefer to conduct on their own. "When their husbands offer to help them with these duties, several alien wives reported feeling hurt and insulted," Dr. Kune says. · Work hard at being fit and attractive by getting regular exercise and practicing good nutrition. "I have not found a single instance of an alien wife asking her husband if she looks fat," Dr. Kune says. · Are analytical and logical in arguments with their husband, "although we are beginning to see the early development of the skill of weeping," Dr. Kune says, "as alien women become more assimilated into our civilization." |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Donuel Date: 13 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM HOW THE ALIENS DISVOVERED DONUTS http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/starmap4a.jpg I did this today. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:29 PM Is that ever cool. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Stilly River Sage Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:42 PM Krispy Kreme are way too sweet. When I was a kid I had a friend whose grandmother made cake donuts every week. After school we'd each get a big glass of milk and a couple of donuts and they were heavenly! SRS |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:37 AM It's a lie! Aliens do not really like Krispy Creme donuts! They just like to hang out in the Krispy Kreme shop at 2:00 AM looking for humans to abduct. Just zapping people at random has started to cause problems so the aliens are trying to get to know their potential abductees a little before turning the abductor beam on. You know, drink a little coffee, eat a couple of glazed, start a little conversation. Their research has shown that people hanging out in Krispy Kreme between midnight and 6:00 AM tend to be prime candidates for abduction. But they've still gotta be a little careful, ya know. Why, just last month Ž€ßÞŒ¥ asked someone if he'd like to "Take a little trip to someplace outta this world" and it turned out to be an undercover narc. The rest of the crew had to stun ray the whole restaurant just to get himherit outta there. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: LadyJean Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:45 AM The Krispy Kreme doughnut is a mediocre doughnut. You can buy better from the supermarket. If you want a good doughnut try your neighborhood bakery. If you want a great doughnut make it yourself. There is no mess in a kitchen like a doughnut mess. But it's well worth it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Cluin Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:51 AM The aliens use the donuts to calibrate their anal probes. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:12 AM That's disgusting! I mean they do that beFORE they use the probe, right? I may never have to face an anal probe in my life--clever, right?--but I will be eating doughnuts again. Jaysus. Gawd damn aliens a55holes! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:28 AM To the tune of "I shall be released." They say all donuts are the same They say no aliens are here But I've a story to relate 'Twas at the Krispy Kreme last year I saw a bright light shining From the west unto the east I saw aliens arriving Strange and knobby little beasts They said chocolate-covered creme-filled Are the donuts we desire And you will to please provide them Or you will deserve our ire I saw a bright light shining... They hung their knobs all 'round with donuts Then began to moan and sway But when they commenced to shudder I had to turn my eyes away I saw a bright light shining... More verses involving bagels, hamsters, alien-human love-affairs, abductions, and stunrays are required - then maybe it could end with something along the lines of how detouring two whole light years might be thought by some extreme, but aliens would travel even farther for the love of Krispy Kremes. I pass the baton. I pass the baton... |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:30 AM Oh, by all means, a verse considering the calibration of anal probes must be included. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Amos Date: 14 Jan 04 - 03:32 AM Great start, Sue -- I can almost see that bright light from here! A |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Little Hawk Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:21 PM We have a whole bunch of people here who ought to be earning good money writing for the Weekly World News... |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: John MacKenzie Date: 14 Jan 04 - 06:34 PM One of my best memories of NY City was the day we tried to take the trip to the Statue of Liberty, and turned up too late for the last boat. So we took the Staten Island Ferry and waved as we passed the statue. When we got off the ferry we went up to the next level, bought a bag of doughnuts from the Dunkin Donuts place at the terminal, a carton of Root Beer, and got back on the same ferry for the return trip. Silly but fun. John |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 15 Jan 04 - 02:56 AM If no one cares to finish off that little ditty I started, perhaps I could get some help with this: (to the tune of that song about were you ever in Quebec riding on a donkey) Were you at the Krispy Kreme When they came upon the scene Little aliens so green Clamoring for donuts Give us all you've got, to go, chocolate creme-filled, chocolate creme-filled, Or we'll start the anal probes and summon all the hamsters. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: John MacKenzie Date: 15 Jan 04 - 11:36 AM Heigh ho away we go, calorie counting, calorie counting Heigh ho away we go, funkin' an' a-dunkin' Have you eaten them in the nude Funkin dunkin funkin dunkin That refrain sounds awfully rude Just like keep on truckin' Heigh ho.....John |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Cluin Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:16 PM To the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel": They come from space on a laser beam, The jelly-filled's, they're hoardin' Why do they go to the Krispy Kreme? They haven't tried Tim Hor-ton's |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:31 PM Yes! That's the spirit! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: GUEST,MMario Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:54 PM to the same tune as 'The Wolfhound' The aliens came to Krispy Kremes To buy their love donuts. And they have inserted anal probes to check the function out. And when they part from Krispy Kremes and spaceward home have sped. Are you surprised, for I am not, They tumble into bed |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: GUEST,THE DALEKS Date: 17 Jan 04 - 02:38 AM WE ARE THE DALEKS! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: John MacKenzie Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:05 AM Go climb a staircase! |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Cluin Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:42 PM Ha! I like that one, John. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Bill D Date: 17 Jan 04 - 09:02 PM written by a sometime poster to Mudcat who consorts with aliens |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 18 Jan 04 - 09:07 PM This thread title misses an important point, for it matters little if aliens love donuts. What really matters? IS THAT LOVE RETURNED! Streets go two ways, except for those that don't, and love is like that except when it's not. So I ask again the question: IS THAT LOVE RECIPROCATED? Only the truly serious need reply. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:06 AM Coming soon to the NY Times Non-FIction Bestseller List: "Donuts That Love Too Much, and the Aliens that Gr#&*ble Them" |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jan 04 - 02:26 AM So, BillDee, does that mean Gorgeous Gary is an *gasp* alien?! LOL! I remember when that one got posted. To the tune of Bury Me Not: Oh, feed me not, the Krispy Kremes That's not the hole I wanted filled. An alien tried and promptly failed Oh, feed me not, the Krispy Kremes. I sat all day in the donut shop Tasting each one they had got. All in all they weren't too bad Until I saw where they'd been had. Oh, feed me not... Alien members fit them well all round They went a'rutting upon the ground, At least they begat no cross-bred freaks And their probing only took two weeks. Oh, feed me not... (Aarrgghhh! It's been awhile. Thanks for indulging..fun thread! Giok/John, I miss Dunkin' Donuts! We don't have them out here. Never have had a Krispy Kreme, but never liked filled donuts anyway. Freakin' Aliens don't know what's good!**bg**) kat |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: SueB Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:48 AM "At least they begat no cross-bred freaks" Oh yes. Can't type, helplessly laughing... |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: GUEST Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:54 PM Is a do nut the same as a doughnut ? |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: John MacKenzie Date: 19 Jan 04 - 01:45 PM No, one's American, and the other isn't. or One's spelt correctly the other's not. John |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 19 Jan 04 - 01:53 PM No, no cross-bread freaks, but they did beget some cross-bread treats. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: John MacKenzie Date: 19 Jan 04 - 04:55 PM Hot cross dougnuts? [Holy food?] John |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: PoppaGator Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM In defense of Krispy Kremes: If you have a good local bakery that makes good donuts, they're probably as good or better than KKs. Here in New Orleans, we *used* to have McKenzie's -- but no longer. Also, we have beignets at the Cafe du Monde and the Morning Call, which are wonderful in their own right but are not exactly the same thing as a good old fashioned American donut. I'll also concede that there's nothing all that special about the many different flavor items available from KK. If you're especially attached to one or more of them, good for you, but I reserve the right to disagree. What's really special at Krispy Kreme is the "original glazed," which is almost always available fresh and hot, direct from the hot-grease-and-liquid-sugar automated assembly line -- simply amazing, light as air despite the high caloric content. Fluffy on the inside with a thin hard sugary shell on the outside. Krispy Kreme is based in the Carolinas, and they have so far expanded only regionally, not nationwide. Until recently, when they opened a store in the New Orleans suburbs, I had eaten them only in the Florida panhandle and Washington DC. They're still kind of exotic hereabouts; familiarity hasn't yet bred contempt. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Amos Date: 19 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM Well they have a branch or two here in San Diego, and their mysterious panache came with them! A |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: Peace Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:10 PM They brought a panache with them? Does salve work on that? Sounds painful. |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: John MacKenzie Date: 20 Jan 04 - 05:14 AM It's what you get stuck to the bottom of your pan [skillet?] after cooking on a camp fire. No not a CAMP fire, a campfire! John |
Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts From: katlaughing Date: 20 Jan 04 - 09:46 AM Oh, then you're not talking about camp with a capital "C" ala La Cage Aux Faux? |