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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: MudGuard Date: 11 Feb 04 - 09:48 AM Yes, Dave, you should not massage the emergency brakes ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Stilly River Sage Date: 11 Feb 04 - 09:37 AM Three cats wander in through the coat closet and into the ward. They're a little pudgy looking because of their full winter coats. They amble up and down the ward, each eventually hopping up onto a bed and curling up around the knees or feet of the lucky patient. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dave Bryant Date: 11 Feb 04 - 09:30 AM Geoff the Duck wanders around saying "Quack", so why shouldn't Kendall ? I've been massaging Linda's back for her upon demand - I even did it on the train coming into work this morning. I must admit that after a while, I lose my accuracy of position and find that I'm massaging other bits - which can cause problems on the train ! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: jacqui.c Date: 11 Feb 04 - 08:37 AM Dave - would I do a thing like that! I told him that if he behaved he might be allowed into the recovery ward but it looks like he's still being a naughty boy. Anyway, from what has been posted do you really want him wandering up and down saying Quack every so often. That would turn everyone to drink - oh, I forgot - they've already got there! Have you got those hands nice and warm yet? Then sort out Linda's back for her, there's a good boy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dave Bryant Date: 11 Feb 04 - 07:36 AM DH - when you've finished practicing with those contaceptive pills, get a new straw and dispense this supply of suppositories to all the patients who need them. You can have yet another straw to perform the enemas on beds 3, 6, and 11 - but do make sure that you take bigger mouthfuls of the soapy water this time ! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dead Horse Date: 11 Feb 04 - 07:24 AM That was Albert Ross, the one-time Monty Python sketch. My, how he's changed. Where's my gin? Nurse! Another straw. This one's gone all soggy from playing "Blow Football" with JennyO's contraceptive pills! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dead Horse Date: 11 Feb 04 - 07:14 AM (enter old weather beaten, gin sodden wretch, pushing trolley) Cocktails! Cocktails! Git 'em while they're cold! Cocktails! Wassat madam? Bloody Mary? No, she's gone 'ome & I'm takin' 'er place. Cocktails! Yus sir, I got gin. I see yer broke yer arm. Wanna gin-sling, then. Heh Heh! Olives? 'Course I got bleedin' olives. Wot kinda Ward Steward would I be wivout olives? Ward Steward, misses. Ex bar-steward of the SS Viagra, wot finally went down in '66. All hands. Cocktails! Cocktails! Cocktails! No! Yer can't 'ave ice, bloody stuff sank the Titanic! Cocktails! Cocktails! (slowly departs into next ward, persued by a whole gaggle of folks with crutches, zimmer frames, and pronounced limps) (L. I. M. P. S. pronounced "limps") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dave Bryant Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:15 AM Still no sign of Kendall yet ? I reckon you've scared him off, Jacqui C. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Catherine Jayne Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:05 AM I have taken off the enormous padded bandage from my knee and the swelling has started to subside although my knee is a varied array of colours!...Dave if you warm your hands up you can come and rub my legs!!! Hey Nurse!!!! I need my IV topping up with the Gin.....its nearly empty!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 10 Feb 04 - 07:32 PM Mudcat - the ultimate nutty flavour.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Feb 04 - 06:23 PM I'd thought it would've been nuttier in flavour..... all those sunflower seeds you know. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: GUEST,MMario Date: 10 Feb 04 - 04:38 PM only hairyer! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Allan C. Date: 10 Feb 04 - 04:36 PM They tell me that Hamster Jam is very much like Marmite. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: John MacKenzie Date: 10 Feb 04 - 03:43 PM Tulips from Hamster Jam! John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dead Horse Date: 10 Feb 04 - 01:14 PM If we collect all the hamsters and sort them according to size/squeak, we could have a hamster jam session. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Feb 04 - 12:53 PM Bet I know how the hamster disappeared! Dr, that is a very naughty pic. Rapaire - you've eaten my mother's cooking then! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dr Will C U Now Date: 10 Feb 04 - 10:09 AM Fib. Peanuts in bed? So long as you are careful, and NO flickin' 'em round the ward, hear! Giok. I aint in the least surprised that they found nowt up the ol' pecker. Same result with the brain scan? Can of Tartan on its way, via the nurse with the short skirt & long black nylon covered legs. For those of you with notepads under the covers, I took this piccy of jOhn from Ull's workstation while he was down the curry ship. http://www.pianoladynancy.com/funnypics_toons/addict.htm |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: dianavan Date: 10 Feb 04 - 01:31 AM Oh, oh. Went to the dr. about the pop in my rib cage. No broken bones but...ick...a sprain. Apparently the lower rib connects to the muscle. The joint is of cartilage like material. I sprained the joint! He gave me a big long name for it. Of course I do not remember. No cure. Just 6-8 weeks of pain. Should I see another physician or just have another glass of wine? Since I can only sleep on my back, I think I should be admitted to the ward. Blood in the kidneys? I had a stone once that caused the same thing. Drink lots of water. I mean lots. As much as you can possible drink as often as possible. It might pass in your urine and then you will be fine. Good luck! The hyacinth and bluebells are poking out of the ground. The Forsythia is budding. Yes, I actually got that rhubarb lifted! Don't rush it though and remember to do your stretches before gardening! d d |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Rapparee Date: 09 Feb 04 - 06:12 PM "...organic you know, so it has to be good for you." LtS, heroin is too. So's, ahem, manure. So's pond scum. So're slugs. I ain't gonna ingest any of them. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: John MacKenzie Date: 09 Feb 04 - 05:58 PM Fibs dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your travails. If it's any comfort, I had a urine test that detected blood, but when they'd done shoving a camera up the old fella, they found bugger all. So fear not fair maiden, quote O'Carolan at them, just mention Mudguard's friend Fanny power. Slainthe....John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: MudGuard Date: 09 Feb 04 - 05:31 PM Or eat cranberry jam ;-) Ok, at least they found kidneys... Maybe you could become a blood donator? Much easier to do it without putting a needle in your arm ;-) I hope the cause for the blood in the pee will be found soon - and can be removed! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Liz the Squeak Date: 09 Feb 04 - 05:26 PM Oh Fib, take care and drink lots of cranberry juice. I'm sticking to the Cropmaster myself, organic you know, so it has to be good for you. Sling another IV up and we'll mix cocktails in the specimen bottles! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Fibula Mattock Date: 09 Feb 04 - 03:52 PM Well folks, looks like I'm in a bit longer - my kidney x-rays were clear, but I'm still pissing blood (yeah... thanks for sharing...) so I'm being shunted off onto another waiting list to see another consultant. Still, the kidneys need to be kept working, and I expect that peeing is good for them, and beer makes you pee, so I'll have a glass of Leffe and a packet of peanuts please. What? No Leffe on the NHS? Ah, make it a Guinness then, I've heard it's good for you. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: John MacKenzie Date: 09 Feb 04 - 01:28 PM I've got an Orienteering Badge. Does that mean I qualify for the large ladies? "He had to make a chalk mark, to show where he'd left off" John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: GUEST,Grim Reaper Date: 09 Feb 04 - 12:37 PM Rapaire, you caint bath the ladies cuz of that fireman designashion. doncha remember the George straight song the Fireman. He starts flames then puts em out, I think. We canit hav no flamin' horsepital beds, now kan we's? Leave the flamin to me after I takes um down below after theys leave the morgue... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Rapparee Date: 09 Feb 04 - 12:10 PM I had merit badges in both First Aid AND Soil & Water Conservation. Also Firemanship. Am I qualified too? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Geoff the Duck Date: 09 Feb 04 - 11:40 AM QUACK? Moi? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dave Bryant Date: 09 Feb 04 - 11:15 AM I'm nice and warm all over Khat - Just ask Linda. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Catherine Jayne Date: 09 Feb 04 - 07:13 AM as long as the water and your hands are warm Dave! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dave Bryant Date: 09 Feb 04 - 06:52 AM Do not trust Geoff the Duck's medical qualifications - he's a QUACK. I got my First Aid badge in the scouts - does that qualify me to give bed-baths to the ladies ? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Liz the Squeak Date: 08 Feb 04 - 06:56 PM I know the feeling Rap... I'd never spent a night in hospital til I moved to London.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Rapparee Date: 08 Feb 04 - 06:37 PM Lifting and twisting to move a box, a heavy box, that was overhead led to a problem with my left shoulder. In November I aggravated it and now I'm on Feldene and exercise for a badly inflamed rotator cuff (I thought it was torn). That, plus the insulin resistance, plus the two surgeries I had while living in Kentucky...leave Indiana and fall apart. MAG, that side effect isn't really here yet. I await it with bated breath. That and lactosis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Rapparee Date: 08 Feb 04 - 10:26 AM Go to the doctor. Go to the doctor. Go to the doctor. The pop might be nothing, but I'll bet you broke a rib. (Gee, I wish I could work in the garden. Only right now I'd need a snowplow.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: John MacKenzie Date: 08 Feb 04 - 05:43 AM Well if it only hurts when you breathe, the answer is obvious;-) John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Liz the Squeak Date: 08 Feb 04 - 04:27 AM Go to the Docs Dianavan, and then sidle on over here to a bed where we can hook you up with IV alcohol of your choice and then you can select who gets to give you a bedbath. Take care of it now, don't wait till it's worse. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Stilly River Sage Date: 07 Feb 04 - 11:08 PM That's about the worst combination you can come up with, dianavan. Twisting and lifting is dangerous. For me, lifting while reaching pretty much guarantees something is going to hurt for a few days. Since you heard something "pop" you might want to go in to the dr. before it gets worse. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: MAG Date: 07 Feb 04 - 09:26 PM Rapaire, I warned you ... Dianavan, when I ruptured a disc 30+ years ago, the only thing that helped was a good chiropractor. Do not construe this as medical advice; just what worked for me. Getting it worked on sooner rather than later will prevent more damage to your frame. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: dianavan Date: 07 Feb 04 - 08:54 PM I feel a bit foolish asking for sympathy when I haven't given any of you the least little expression of concern. Ow, ow, ow - I feel a bit nauseous. What do I do? Was out moving the rhubarb to a new spot in the garden. It was too heavy so I decided to drag it, turn it and lift it at the same time. When I gave it the last heave-ho, I heard something pop (a rib?) on my left side. It only hurts when I breathe. Should I go to the doctor or is their a home remedy? d |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Feb 04 - 07:09 PM Sorry Rap, thought it was a bed pan. But I agree about the beard burn.. this stubble rash is the last straw! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Geoff the Duck Date: 07 Feb 04 - 12:08 PM Eastern Australian Yellowtail - I think they developed a vaccine for that last Octember or Septober. Look up the special edition of The Lance-It for details. Quack! GtD. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Amos Date: 07 Feb 04 - 11:23 AM I am recovering from an overdose of Shiraz -- Eastern Australian Yellowtail, to be precise -- it seemed endlessly helpful, but it appears I misestimated. How many aspirin can you take before your blood turns to water? Oh, dear, I hope I didn't say anything too foolish! Not bloody likely though. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Rapparee Date: 07 Feb 04 - 10:42 AM Oh, dear God, the pain! The pain! And the diarrhea! The diarrhea! I must be recovering, 'cause before I was flat-out dead. Someone gave me "the kiss of life". Who? I think I'm in lust with them. No, wait, they had a beard, so I'd only like to shake their hand. Oh, the pain! That beard burn! And the diarrhea! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: MMario Date: 07 Feb 04 - 09:30 AM Is this ward part of NYCFTTS? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dr Will C U Now Date: 07 Feb 04 - 08:38 AM I dinna hae Cauld Wind pipes. I haed 'em lagged fae the winter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: John MacKenzie Date: 07 Feb 04 - 08:24 AM I prefer the Cauld Wind pipes, and thought that Doctor Will did too. Why else would his elbow be going up and down in that manner?? Perhaps he's having a Pibroch! John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dr Will C U Now Date: 07 Feb 04 - 07:16 AM It has been unanimously agreed by my team that Gioks bagpipectomy will not be performed in the manner that DH suggested. He has unfortunately got genetically inherited restrictions of his anal passage, somewhat common amongst his race. He is, in other words, a tight arse!!! The guy that came in with the shakey egg will be subject to that proceedure, and, may I add, without anesthetic! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dr Will C U Now Date: 07 Feb 04 - 07:06 AM No, DH. Space is NOT limited. The reason so many patients are in the corridor is because the bloody doors are made by the same firm that built the Chatroom. So your kind offer to share is rejected on sanitary grounds. Who would want to share with a purple clad, smelly footed, nose pickin' shantyman like YOU? How the delectable Kay puts up with you is totally beyond me. Liz, do not get all excited when jimmyt asks you to "open wide". He is a dentist, for petes sake! That will be a further 600 dollars. NEXT! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Dead Horse Date: 07 Feb 04 - 06:56 AM Why do those nurses always wake me up to give me a sleeping pill? This being a mixed ward, and purely because bed space is limited, I have magnanimously agreed to share with Liz. I have also tucked Jimmyt in & kissed him goodnight. That way he will be watching me all night and won't get a wink of sleep. Has Giok (I won't bother to spell out his new full name because otherwise it would take up too much room and space IS limited) come in for a Bagpipectomy? If he has, may I suggest that keyhole surgery is not the way to go. Far better to remove it the way it came in. No exit wounds or scars to worry about, tho he may walk funny for a few weeks! Chins up, tongues out. Here comes the gin dispencer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: Stilly River Sage Date: 06 Feb 04 - 11:12 PM Lady Penelope, can I offer you some Turkish Delight? Liz, it's easier to stay put than keep crawling through the closet. And the delivery of liquid refreshments is reliable. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward From: JennyO Date: 06 Feb 04 - 09:08 PM .....or as Les Barker said, good health is just a slower way to die... Can I come in? I have neuralgia pains on the side of my face from wearing new glasses that don't fit properly. I could do with an adjustment - that gin there will do nicely. Good for the mouth ulcers too, and my sore back. I expect Kendall might be in soon, now that he's out of that hospital. Jenny |
