Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry

Subject: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: GUEST,Frances
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:49 PM

Hi folks,
I am looking for any comic verse etc., about football, or matches.
thanks
Frances

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Chris Amos
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:47 AM

Hi,

I am lucky enough to work with one of England's foremost Football poets, Richie Hession, you can find examples of his work, and other excellent poets at http://www.footballpoets.org/poets.asp

http://www.footballpoets.org/poets.asp

good luck

Chris

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: ced2
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:47 AM

Leeds Untied! as in undone!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:10 AM

The song "A Chat with your Mother" by Berryman & Berryman has a comic verse about football.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: maire-aine
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 05:11 PM

You need the Andy Griffith classic WHAT IT WAS WAS FOOTBALL. Just put that phrase in yahoo or google and you'll find a bunch of sites with it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:02 PM

Or for a Scottish slant, have a look for a book by a fella called Ian Black - "Two Andy Gorams"...

Subject: Lyr Add: GOALKEEPER JOE (Marriott Edgar)
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:11 PM

There's Goalkeeper Joe by Marriott Edgar:

Goalkeeper Joe
   

Joe Dunn were a bobby for football
He gave all his time to that sport,
He played for the West Wigan Whippets,
On days when they turned out one short.

He'd been member of club for three seasons
And had grumbled again and again,
Cos he found only time that they'd used him,
Were when it were pouring with rain!

He felt as his talents were wasted
When each week his job seemed to be
No but minding the clothes for the others
And chucking clods at referee!

So next time selection committee
Came round to ask him for his sub
He told them if they didn't play him,
He'd transfer to some other club.

Committee they coaxed and cudgelled him
But found he'd have none of their shifts
So they promised to play him next weekend
In match against Todmorden Swifts.

This match were the plum of the season
An annual fixture it stood,
'T were reckoned as good as a cup tie
By them as liked plenty of blood!

The day of the match dawned in splendour
A beautiful morning it were
With a fog drifting up from the brick fields
And a drizzle of rain in the air.

The Whippets made Joe their goalkeeper
A thing as weren't wanted at all
For they knew once battle had started
They'd have no time to mess with the ball!

Joe stood by the goal posts and shivered
While the fog round his legs seemed to creep
'Til feeling neglected and lonely
He leant back and went fast asleep.

He dreamt he were playing at Wembley
And t'roar of a thundering cheer
He were kicking a goal for the Whippets
When he woke with a clout in his ear!

He found 'twere the ball that had struck him
And inside the net there it lay
But as no one had seen this 'ere 'appen
He punted it back into play!

'Twere the first ball he'd punted in anger
His feelings he couldn't restrain
Forgetting as he were goalkeeper
He ran out and kicked it again!

Then after the ball like a rabbit
He rushed down the field full of pride
He reckoned if nobody stopped him
Then 'appen he'd score for his side.

'Alf way down he bumped into his captain
Who weren't going to let him go by
But Joe, like Horatio Nelson
Put a fist to the Captain's blind eye!

On he went 'til the goal lay before him
Then stopping to get himself set
He steadied the ball, and then kicked it
And landed it right in the net!

The fog seemed to lift at that moment
And all eyes were turned on the lad
The Whippets seemed kind of dumbfounded
While the Swifts started cheering like mad!

'Twere his own goal as he'd kicked the ball through
He'd scored for his foes 'gainst his friends
For he'd slept through the referee's whistle
And at half time he hadn't changed ends!

Joe was transferred from the West Wigan Whippets
To the Todmorden Swifts, where you'll see
Still minding the clothes for the others
And chucking clods at referee!

Marriott Edgar

LFF

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 07:03 PM

Given the defenition of Football 'ere in South Wales dare I bring the name of Max Boyce to your attention.

"Live at Treorchy"

And

"We all had Doctors Papers"

(LPS or Tape) might suit !

Any specific requests I will try to transcribe.

Gareth

(Who knows - 'Cos he was there !)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetr
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 12:14 AM

The DT has "Fitba' Crazy"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: pavane
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM

There is good one on the origins of football. I think it was by Hamish Imlach but I can't remember the title, just a few words.

Concerning two sides at a meal, chasing a lost dumpling

The two sides were green and blue (of course)

'The only thing that wasna' blue was they never blew their nose..'

and

'The thing they weren't 'agreen' on was the sharing o the booze'

and

'There's 11 dumplings on each side & they call it footba' now'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: pavane
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 12:07 PM

It's called the History of Football, but I can't find the lyrics anywhere.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE FOOTBALL REFEREE (Matt McGinn)
From: GUEST,Pat
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 03:17 PM

This is a cracker .. THe Football Referee by Matt McGinn
( see www.mattmcginn.info ), and check if mudcat has it, perhaps ?

I think this is on The Best of Matt McGinn



Chorus
Why did I ever become a football referee?
I could have been an engineer or a sailor on the sea.
Wherever there's a fault to find they always pick on me.
Why did I ever become a football referee?

I used to play at centre half when I was very young,
In speaking out for fair play I never could hold my tongue.
The men at the top were watching and they quickly spotted me.
They says, 'Now there is a decent man, we'll make him a referee.'

When first I took my whistle out I did feel very proud,
I played it like a fluter and I smiled at all the crowd,
I gave them two decisions and I heard a terrible boo,
Then fifty-thousand voices roared 'Coconuts to you'!

When Rangers played the Celtic, I was stuck out on the field,
I'd only been there a minute or two when the crowd began to squeal.
The half o' them said 'He's a Fenian fae the heart o' Ireland.'
The others said, 'He's a bluenose and he's there by the shake o' the hand.'

The game had gone on half-an-hour when two began to fight
I tried to separate them and to tell them who was right.
They bashed me and they battered me and they left me nearly lame,
The crowd a' roared out, 'Bury him! and let's get on with the game.'

They brought me out to Italy as a very honoured guest,
Between Milan and Roma, I did my level best.
But the crowd they didna fancy me -I could tell by the way they spieled.
They hired a helicopter to take me oot o' the field.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Beardy
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 06:43 AM

You could also try 'Ear-wig-o' by the glorious Les Barker.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 03:32 PM

"What It Was Was Football" by Deacon Andy Griffith, as he called himself in those days, is not a poem or song but a prose monologue, a story told from the point of view of a rube who knows nothing about football, seeing his first game. It was first released on both sides of a 78-rpm record. The text has been posted by Spaw here.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: GUEST,The History of Football (Hamish Imlach)
Date: 16 Oct 12 - 06:56 AM

From my memory,

History of Football

From Ireland, there came a band, 100 years ago they said.
At a birthday feast, for the Chief McLeish, they were booked to play.
They wore green hats, green spats and green cloaks I think.
The thing they were not green on was the sharing of the drink.

The Chief McLeish he was pleased when he came to his seat.
For it was said his wife had baked a very special treat.
He wore blue plaid, blue braid, a blue kilt I suppose,
The only thing that was not blew he never blue his nose.

The guests gasped when at last the treat was finally brought.
On wooden plate, a steamin great Dumpling pippin hot.
Well he grabbed it, stabbed it, but the dumpling stayed in tacked
Till the chief McLeish none too pleased, give it a terrible crack.

Well the fiddler stopped the dumpling with an Irish roar of pain.
He yelled and swore, then once more, kicked it back again.
It went up and down the banquet hall, 80 wide a 100 lang
Kicked between the clan McLeish and the Irish Ceilidh band.

Their anger turned to laughter, when they saw this could be fun.
And their laughter turned to anger, when they say the wrong side won.
They still play this game today, but they changed the rules somehow.
With a 11 dumplings on each side, and they call it football now.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Jack Campin
Date: 16 Oct 12 - 07:24 AM

There is a new collection from Ian Black, "Two More Andy Gorams".

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: Richard from Liverpool
Date: 16 Oct 12 - 08:52 AM

The History of Football (words above) is a great song, but having seen a Watt Nicoll songbook, I'm pretty certain it was by Watt Nicoll rather than Hamish Imlach (although Imlach did of course sing it)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: help find comic football rhymes/poetry
From: GUEST,Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Oct 12 - 02:29 AM

Nick Toczek is a performance poet - he has written a whole book of performance poems for children called Kick it. I see on Amazon - you can get a used copy for a penny! Highly recommended!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/reader/0330399209/ref=sr_1_4?p=S003&keywords=nick+toczek&ie=UTF8&qid=1350454943#reader_0330399209