BS: Old women in sandwidge ships

Subject: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 07:38 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: skipy
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 07:40 PM

What surprise that this one is from you, John!

Sikyp

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST,John O'Lennaine
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 08:25 PM

Old women in sandwidge ships?

The're the kind of old women I like best.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Cluin
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 09:15 PM

What the fuck?

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 09:19 PM

Sand wedge shops, usually found near the golf course. Everyone welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST,John O'Lennaine
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:49 AM

But I don't like little boys in bread rolls roycis

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Peace
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:52 AM

I am impressed. Only one misspelled word in the title and not a single one in the post. Good on yer, jOhn.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:59 AM

(chuckle chuckle chortle snicker)

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 02:56 AM

He's just opening up the topic for discussion, arent you j0hn?

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 03:27 AM

Sandwich is a lovely little port in Kent but very few ships sail out of there...if any...in modern times jOhn. There may be a lot of old women in boats or pedaloes I suppose.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 03:55 AM

I'm in training to be one of those women.... got about 20 years to go before I qualify, but I'm working on being as bloody awkward as possible.

I'm also looking out for a suitable shopping trolley on which to affix those serrated blades to the axles, neatly arranged at ankle height, to take out those young whippersnappers who push in front of me. It also has to be big enough to take the kalashikov.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 03:59 AM

Is anyone else game for turning this into an ongoing avant-garde play script ? We could be onto an Edinburgh Festival hit here.

OLD WOMEN IN SANDWIDGE SHIPS

A bare stage. Enter Muriel, in pink crimplene, trailing a bulging tartan shopping trolley behind her.

Muriel: Cooeee ! Cooeee ! (Looks at watch). August already. (Pinteresque pause). Or November by now. Cheese and pickle season ! (Delves into shopping trolley).

Unseen by Muriel, enter Doreen

Doreen:

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 04:15 AM

"Oh Muriel, I love the pink crimplene! Do you fancy going joy sailing in one of the ships moored at Sandwich today?" said Doreen with an air of anticipation. Muriel looked down her nose at Doreen and said "Look Doreen, The last time we nicked a sandwich ship, the Customs and excise ran us onto the rocks and all that oil spilled out near the Cornish Coast". Muriels head went down..."Yes but the Torrey Canyon was quite a large ship and not too easy to steer, we could nick something a bit smaller". Doreen became excited now.."Look Muriel, I am not going to nick another ship. When the T/C ran onto the rocks, you ran off and left me to take the rap. Friends don't just do that do they?

The saga to continue:-
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 04:37 AM

Enter slatternly serving girl, with unkempt hair, filthy overall and piercings: 'K'nighyelpya?'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Flash Company
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 04:48 AM

Don't know about sandwidge ships, but I seem to have heard of butty boats. Same thing?

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 04:55 AM

Cue my old butty Gareth, in Welsh Wales, a' right there boy bach?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 05:14 AM

Saga continued:

Friends don't just do that do they? Of course not said Bob, who's Bob? said Bill, I don't know said Zac I only know him as Robert. She's the one who sucks lozenges for a living, nice woman lovely throat. So Robert is a woman then said Frank - to be perfectly frank Frank I'm not to sure said Emily but non of them like sandwidges because they don't have their own teeth.

Alas....

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Dead Horse
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 05:25 AM

To paraphrase Georgiansilver, "old women in....pedaloes"
Is this another name for incontinence pants?

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Davetnova
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 05:25 AM

"Well suck that for a game of soldiers(lightly toasted, with egg)" I'm off to sit on my buttie till someone comes with some money.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 05:27 AM

Muriel (to serving slattern): What's that you're saying ? I can't hear so well today 'cos I forgot to put my left bunion protector on. You're not speaking to me in WELSH, are you ? (To Doreen): What's she saying, Dor ?

Doreen: Well, Mure, from my extensive pirating and joy-sailing experience in Cardiff docks, by the look of her I would say she's *definitely* Welsh, and what she's saying I really would prefer to translate in writing rather than say out loud.

(Doreen scribbles something on piece of paper and hands it to Muriel)

Muriel: Well ! Of all the cheek ! We can't let her get away with THAT sort of talk. And in the Cheese & Pickle season, too, of all times. Good will and all that. This calls for "Mure and Dor's Special Treatment" don't you think, Dor ?

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 06:36 AM

Tarts the lot of you, the pickle is to go with the cheese and certainly not on your

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 06:46 AM

Guest, try and keep a touch of decorum this is a serious thread, with the inevitable research based analysis which jOhn intends to complete for future archives within the local library.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Davetnova
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 07:49 AM

All snadwitches to be spread with anchor butter.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 08:07 AM

Judging by J0hn9's original post, the ship in question is surely the Marie Celeste.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 08:27 AM

Yes, indeed, Giok. Mure and Dor (the old women in question) have slipped ashore to stock up on vital provisions and weaponry.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Flash Company
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 09:42 AM

Anchor butter on your snadwitch? The mind boggles!!!!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 10:28 AM

Old women in sand wid chips.

It's all in the pronunciation (this old woman says munching)

;-D

..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 06:00 PM

jOhn,
Did you throw your sandwich in the curb and get chastised by an old woman? What were you doing in a sandwich shop in the first place? You work with curry.
Or are you still hauling that dead cat around trying to find its owner. If I had a sandwich shop or ship, I'd toss you and that putrifying moggie out too.
So what exactly happened?
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 07:32 PM

Some people are making a bit of a deal out of this thread aren't they jOhn...OOPs Deal ...that's another port in Kent eh??
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Jeanie
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 03:50 AM

I expect the old biddies were hanging around waiting for someone to Chatham up.

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 04:59 AM

Don't BenDover!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Jeanie
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 05:15 AM

No, they'd better not do that, had they ? Might well end up in Herne-ia Bay....

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Jeanie
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 05:17 AM

....or catch a nasty case of the Strood.

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 02:05 PM

"Battle" anyone??
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST,milk monitor
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 02:20 PM

Well I'm on tenterden hooks awaiting the next installment.....

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 02:24 PM

What the Folke's Tone talking about?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: *Laura*
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 03:23 PM

cheese

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 03:31 PM

Can't u bury it now. We've had enough.
Best wishes

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 08:07 PM

What Rye humour.... Winchelsea what happens soon.....

More Hastings, less St Leonards really.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST,milk monitor
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 08:12 PM

Hoo said that?

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Noreen
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 10:40 PM

Someone call?
Home-made gooseberry jam on mine please.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: mg
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 11:52 PM

It sounds like the title of a great sea shanty. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 03:47 AM

Three old women left Sandwich Bay
On a sudden decision to sail away.
Over the ocean, far and wide,
Pushed and pulled by every tide.

Now Sandwich ships are not renowned
For sailing over rocky ground.
So when these women hit dry land,
T'was dying they did by Neptunes hand.

So beware old women in sandwich ships,
You're safer at hope with fish and chips.
Don't sail away from a thought in your head
Or like the others you'll wind up dead.

Best I could do in a short time.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

Sorry, last verse.hope should read home

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Davetnova
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 01:00 PM

Someone in the Sunday Mail said they sell Whippet Kormas in Hull. I hope this is a slur. We should be told!

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 01:01 PM

Bout time we heard some more from jOhn from Hull I reckon!!

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 07:22 PM

~Oh no, please, I've just got the carpet cleaned after last time.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 04:41 AM

As Monica said to Bill!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Dead Horse
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 04:53 AM

Whats this about "winding up Dead" Georgiansilver?
Goes against the Grain, that does.

I thought I heard the old woman say,
jOhn9s too knackered for his curry today
Today, today is a sandwidge day
jOhn9s too knackered for his curry today.
Oh, two-in-a-bun and two-on-rye
jOhn9s too knackered for his curry today

We've got the ham an' we got the bread
jOhn9s too knackered for his curry today
But the weather's too cold for the butter to spread
jOhn9s too knackered for his curry today.
Oh, two-in-a-bun and two-on-rye
jOhn9s too knackered for his curry today

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 10:49 AM

Not bad Dead horse but a bit repetitive...Prefer my original shanty to yours I'm afraid!!!
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: muppett
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 11:02 AM

BeHythe yourselves you lot

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 12:07 PM

Romney; you plonker!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 03:42 PM

Fawkham I say......

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Dead Horse
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 06:27 PM

"Prefer my original shanty to yours I'm afraid!!!"
So do I, but I thought we'd start shantying just to move this crowd along a bit!
When I was a little boy some sandwidge women told me,
Way, haul away, we'll haul away jOhn9.
Never eat them cheesy ones, just stick to a bap & baloney
Way, haul away, we'll haul away jOhn9.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 03:55 AM

I saw three ships come sailing by, come sailing by come sailing by,
I saw three ships come sailing by, at Sandwich in the morning.
On Board the ship were three old dears, three old dears, three old dears,
A sailing on a sandwich ship, on Christmas day in the morning.

Not as good as my first one, as its not original of course
But now we have a competition on, my goodly friend Dead Horse!(Like the rhyme???)

Best wishes

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Gurney
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 04:22 AM

jOhn posts an unaccompanied heading, and it reaches critical mass instantly.
I love Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Dead Horse
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 04:31 AM

Three Sandwidge ships they lay in the bay
Timme way-hey-oh-hi-o
Awaitin' a bread knife to git underway
Oh, a long time ago.

Now one o' these packets was chock full o' ham
Timme way-hey-oh-hi-o
And t'others was loaded with Flora and spam
Oh, a long time ago.

An old woman was workin' away at the till
Timme way-hey-oh-hi-o
If she aint got sore fingers, she's workin' there, still
Oh, a long time ago.

The name of this woman I tell yer was jOan9
Timme way-hey-oh-hi-o
Workin' her fingers away to the bone
Oh, a long time ago.

The wind was a blowin', the ships they did roll
The customers was prayin' "Oh gawd bless my soul!"

Now here comes the mate, he's all covered in stew
It could have been worse, he was sittin' in the loo

They once hung a man for serving up peas
The eggs he did cook was covered in grease

They thought the stove was set alight
By some old woman every night

They thought the world was shaped like a bap
And old jOhn9s spellin' was nothin but crap

Now Georgiansilver he sat on the throne
A man pulled the chain, and then he was gone

(Ahaaa matey, a flame shanty way be startin'!)

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 07:03 AM

I have it on good authority (speaking to a seagull on the Dover - Calais ferry who had just flown in from 'Ull) that jOhn is compiling a book of food related folk songs, in particular those relating to food eating shanties and other sea songs. This is why the spelling in the heading is actually correct, as specially constructed vessels would go out to serve comestibles to the fleet. The sandwidge ship was the culmination of these, barbecue ships having proved less than reliable, and were crewed entirely by old women. One curry ship was built but later scuppered when the bottom fell out of the market.

To me way hay
and a Roll to go!

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: muppett
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 08:08 AM

I Appledore you all

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 11:33 AM

Hey Dead Horse...that was a big improvement and rates amongst the best

If I told you I was into "Flagellation"..."necrophilia" and "Bestiality".....would you think I was "Flogging a dead horse"??
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 08:29 PM

I can see why you've abandoned this thread jOhn. Good luck for the future.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 05:53 PM

I'll have a Pastrami on Rye please.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: GUEST,milk monitor
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 06:16 PM

We only have Ham.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 06:44 PM

or HAMster???

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Dead Horse
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:28 PM

I'm having spam, spam, spam & spam.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: grumpy al
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 02:10 PM

Don't knock j0hn's spelling it is absolutely prefect

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 02:34 PM

Yes jOhns smelling is absloutely prefect
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 03:45 PM

should that be west bishes???....oooooh this is fun

Subject: RE: BS: Old women in sandwidge ships
From: grumpy al
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 03:48 PM

Spooner rides again eh?