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BS: it's about as much use as.......

HuwG 10 Dec 04 - 04:55 PM
michaelr 10 Dec 04 - 03:26 PM
Ebbie 09 Dec 04 - 03:19 PM
Ebbie 09 Dec 04 - 02:13 PM
GUEST,Rob 09 Dec 04 - 10:07 AM
wysiwyg 20 Nov 04 - 10:39 PM
Strollin' Johnny 20 Nov 04 - 05:42 PM
Cluin 20 Nov 04 - 11:04 AM
mack/misophist 19 Nov 04 - 08:23 PM
GUEST,Chief Chaos 19 Nov 04 - 03:32 PM
The Beast of Farlington 19 Nov 04 - 11:57 AM
YorkshireYankee 18 Nov 04 - 10:10 PM
GUEST,Tony 17 Nov 04 - 10:29 PM
George Papavgeris 17 Nov 04 - 01:47 PM
Chris Green 17 Nov 04 - 01:16 PM
wysiwyg 17 Nov 04 - 01:15 PM
GUEST,Chief Chaos 17 Nov 04 - 12:26 PM
YorkshireYankee 16 Nov 04 - 05:55 PM
GUEST 16 Nov 04 - 05:18 PM
George Papavgeris 16 Nov 04 - 12:39 PM
GUEST,Chief Chaos 16 Nov 04 - 11:51 AM
Don Firth 15 Nov 04 - 08:45 PM
GUEST,Frug 15 Nov 04 - 08:35 AM
GUEST 15 Nov 04 - 08:16 AM
GUEST 15 Nov 04 - 08:13 AM
C-flat 15 Nov 04 - 07:38 AM
Georgiansilver 15 Nov 04 - 04:26 AM
YorkshireYankee 15 Nov 04 - 12:43 AM
Georgiansilver 14 Nov 04 - 04:22 AM
Hrothgar 14 Nov 04 - 04:16 AM
dianavan 14 Nov 04 - 02:40 AM
dianavan 14 Nov 04 - 02:38 AM
Cluin 13 Nov 04 - 12:24 AM
Bert 12 Nov 04 - 11:11 PM
The Fooles Troupe 12 Nov 04 - 11:05 PM
kendall 12 Nov 04 - 11:00 PM
GUEST,Diogenes 12 Nov 04 - 09:40 PM
McGrath of Harlow 12 Nov 04 - 09:06 PM
Cruiser 12 Nov 04 - 09:03 PM
McGrath of Harlow 12 Nov 04 - 08:17 PM
frogprince 12 Nov 04 - 07:23 PM
GUEST 12 Nov 04 - 07:21 PM
Georgiansilver 12 Nov 04 - 07:13 PM
frogprince 12 Nov 04 - 06:46 PM
skipy 12 Nov 04 - 06:39 PM
GUEST 12 Nov 04 - 08:51 AM
GUEST,Sooz (at work) 12 Nov 04 - 08:32 AM
GUEST 12 Nov 04 - 06:24 AM
Ebbie 12 Nov 04 - 12:41 AM
Once Famous 11 Nov 04 - 09:34 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: HuwG
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 04:55 PM

Common insults in the UK Armed forces:

"As much use as a rubber crutch"
"As much use as a concrete cushion"

One of mine:

"Useful as a haemorrhoid transplant"


I believe that Georgiansilver said, "... a computer without a keyboard". Quite apt. Try booting a PC without a keyboard, and it will often say, "Keyboard error. No keyboard detected. Press F1 [or any key] to resume"


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: michaelr
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 03:26 PM

...varicose veins on a peg leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 03:19 PM

Drat.

Try Again


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 02:13 PM

Chief Chaos, you surprise me. I thought you paid more attention to accuracy than that.

"The Award is the Vice President's answer to yesterday's government and its $400 hammer. Fittingly, the award consists of a $6.00 hammer, a ribbon, and a note from Vice President Gore, all in an aluminum frame. More than 1,200 Hammer Awards have been presented to teams comprised of federal employees, state and local employees, and citizens who are working to build a better government. "

More Info


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Rob
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:07 AM

... an ashtray on a motorbike.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 10:39 PM

it's about as much use as....... / Popular Views of the Bush Administration

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 05:42 PM

....a candy-floss door-knocker
....a chocolate teapot
....a w**k in a brothel

others of a similar ilk:-

It's like trying to knit fog
...........trying to plait shit


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 11:04 AM

...a drunken wing man.


And thereby hangs a sordid tale


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: mack/misophist
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:23 PM

a few I've heard used are:

feathers on a catfish
a boar hog in sunday school
trying to herd cats/snakes


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:32 PM

1 square of toilet paper?


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: The Beast of Farlington
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:57 AM

...something that is no use whatsoever


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 10:10 PM

Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.
Couldn't organise a Ladies' night out in a chocolate factory. (That one courtesy of my other half!)


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Tony
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 10:29 PM

Hip pocket in a singlet is a common one in Australia as is Tits on a Bull.

Slight thread creep in honour of one of my work colleagues:

Couldn't organise ... a piss-up in a brewery, .. a f*ck in a brothel


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 01:47 PM

Viagra for a eunuch?
A Dutch cap for Sunday church?


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Chris Green
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 01:16 PM

The "s" in "lisp."


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 01:15 PM

Tits on a boar hog.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 12:26 PM

Yorkshire Yankee - your post reminds me of what I considered about the greatest waste of taxpayer money.
Former VP Al Gore had an award called the Hammer Award given out to those individuals and agencies who made an impact on easing the public burden through tax savings, efficiency upgrades etc.

The award was a standard store bought hammer (which they probably payed $200.00 for) mounted slanted against a blue velvet mat in a gold frame (which I would estimate to have cost approx. $70.00 apiece)
What good is it giving me a hammer that I can't use?


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 05:55 PM

...glass hammer (a popular British saying)
... Microsoft tech support
And here's a Yorkshire favourite:"Daft as a brush wi'out handle."


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 05:18 PM

a bottle of crisps
a pocket in a shift ( this last one from my late granny who would have worn such an old fashioned undergarment...)


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 12:39 PM

"Flies" for a spacesuit.
Damp firecracker on 4th July.
A side of bacon at a Bar Mitsvah
Warm clothes in Hell.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 11:51 AM

A bishop in a brothel

A priest doing marriage counseling


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 08:45 PM

dianavan, even worse than a pen with no ink is ink with no pen around it!

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Frug
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 08:35 AM

Pork Pie at a Barmitzvah ??

Frank


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 08:16 AM

...Stevie Wonder with a pair of binoculars.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 08:13 AM

...Hellen Keller with a microphone.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: C-flat
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 07:38 AM

....a rubber ladder.
....an elastic toilet chain.

Both of these gems were directed at me by my school rugby coach.


C-flat.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 04:26 AM

A guitar with no strings!
A G-string on a wash board!
A drumstick without a drum!
A one armed window cleaner!
A pig with wings!
A computer without a keyboard!
A dog with a keyboard!
(Don't ask where the inspiration came from for the last two)
Best wishes.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 15 Nov 04 - 12:43 AM

...leaves on a railroad track.
...good taste in a Turner prize winner.
As welcome as... your lover's ice cold feet in a toasty warm bed.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 04:22 AM

Or hair under Julia Roberts armpits??
Not sure why that caused such a storm in the press...I like hair... women with hair...why not?
Best wishes.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Hrothgar
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 04:16 AM

...a hatful of spare armpits...


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: dianavan
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 02:40 AM

hit the button by mistake now I have to think of something...

...... I'm baffled.

a pen without ink?

d


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: dianavan
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 02:38 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 12:24 AM

"...tits on a nun" we always said.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Bert
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:11 PM

A lady with a Navvy's pick. (I said PICK)


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:05 PM

... as a loose prick in a brothel...


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: kendall
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:00 PM

A pig skin Koran


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Diogenes
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:40 PM

Georgiansilver, if I wanted attention, I wouldn't live in a tub in the middle of the desert.

But on second thought, I guess Martin Gibson is not completely useless. Anyone who can fart the entire Bach "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor" is really quite accomplished.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:06 PM

True enough, quite a lot of these "useless" things can be quite useful.

For example, if you have a load of fish to carry about, a bicycle can be quite a handy thing to use.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Cruiser
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:03 PM

"Worthless as teats on a boar hog"

A gilt that is the daughter of a boar possessing few, misplaced, or malformed teats is genetically predisposed to the same undesirable characteristic. Hog breeders will keep gilts with at least 12 well-placed teats and will not keep others as brood sows for farrowing.

So, teats on a boar and the sow are important in brood stock.

Cruiser

Oh, to the question at hand: about as much use as a milk bucket under a bull's prepuce (unless that is all you have and need semen for artificial insemination, but I will leave THAT chore to other "handymen" and I'll handle the milking of the cows).


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 08:17 PM

A pair of boots are for a snake.

A parachute for a parrot.

A hairbrush for a hedgehog.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 07:23 PM

LOL Georgian.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 07:21 PM

Porch on a Submarine is one I've heard in use


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 07:13 PM

A 34b on Dolly Parton!


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 06:46 PM

Forgive me if this is being too serious:

Nuclear weaponry in a sane world.

Clothes to go swimming in.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: skipy
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 06:39 PM

Screen door on a submarine

Skipy


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 08:51 AM

46 posts already and no one has said

Screen door on a submarine


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST,Sooz (at work)
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 08:32 AM

.. an anonymous guest?


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 06:24 AM

As welcome as a fart in a space-suit
As welcome as a pork-chop at a Bar Mitzvah


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 12:41 AM

There are exceptions, I grant you, MG. You, for instance. You gotta be normal.


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Subject: RE: BS: it's about as much use as.......
From: Once Famous
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:34 PM

Ebbie, you think about male teats all you want.

I'll think about Pamela Anderson.

then again, I have seen some fat guys who could use a bra.


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