BS: The Book of Kinkhadu

Subject: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 01:55 PM

What is so unusual about this particular book? Why would Tweed take time out from his busy day to actually post a NEW topic in the BS section? It is because I've recently learned from King Khandu who-is-aslo-Tink, that he has erased all the entrys in his guestbook!!!   Is this not the most hilarious thing that could be imagined? I suggest that all who are able, go there now and make an entry in it, and also possibly browse the lyrics of the obscure Mississippi bluesman called, naturally, Mississippi John Hurt. For some reason, Khanduwhoisaslokinkhadu, has chosen to champion this unknown's cause. At least go sign something and act like you know who this fellow is and in this way Khandu will be humored somewhat and be able to think clearly enough not to erase the rest of his works there!! HAW, HAW,HAWWWWW!!!! Deleted his guestbook, I would never do that at my place! HAW!

Tweed

The Guestbook of Kinkhadu

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: mack/misophist
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:57 PM

Most annoying.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:00 PM

Yes you are but no doubt are only built that way, but please go and sign the book at least.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: GUEST,Zeke Floyd
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:30 PM

Hi. Ya'll don' know me but mah name's Zeke Floyd. I wus wunnerin' if ya'll mighta see'd mah dawgs. They bus' outta they's pen las' Thuzday an' I ain' see'd 'em since. They's two of 'em. One's a yaller bitch whut's probly in heat. Looks sorta lack a yaller Lab only 'tain't one. Labs is fer duck huntin' an' I don' hunt no dam' ducks, jus' deer. Th' other one's a black 'n tan dawg looks sorta lack a coonhoun' only 'tain't one. Don' hunt no dam' coons, jus' deer. Ennyways, lack I says, thet yaller bitch is probly in heat so they's probly gonna be a whole dam' mess uh dawgs follerin' 'er 'roun' tryin' t' fuck 'er. Ya'll kin shoot th' res' them sumbitches if ya wanna, jus' don' shoot th' yaller bitch an' th' black 'n tan dawg. They's bo'f wearin' collars wif mah name an' phone nummer on 'em. Don' go askin' whut they names is 'cause they ain' got no names. What th' hell ennybuddy wanna name a huntin' dawg fer ennyways? Ain't no dam' pets. Namin' huntin' dawgs is 'bout as silly as namin' cows.

Ennyways, if enny of ya'll seen mah dawgs, jus' gimme a call at 555-1234 an' I'll come an' git 'em. I'd 'preciate it if ya'll kin tie 'em to a tree or sumpin' t' keep 'em frum runnin' off 'til I git there. Don' worry 'bout 'em tryin' t' bite 'cause they knows better. I beat th' shit out of 'em ever time they even thinks 'bout bitin'.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:45 PM

Zinc Fraud, them there dogs a'yurn come cross ma place day afore yestiday, runnin' like their tails wuz on fahr. Yor bitch wuz in the lead, an there musta bin forty er fifty dogs follerin' her. They wuz headin' up Chink Peak way, so's by now they're probly clear down the other side and heading tords Gray's Lake an' Henry.

Hope this here news helps ya kitch 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM

Well, I tried to post something polite and constructive to khandu's guestbook, but I was hounded by this annoying little popup window that follows you everywhere and says:

Website brought to you by:
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Have you practice a litle love today? To your loved ones perhaps? Your parrents, your spouse, your children, your neighbours, or even your enemy? Here is a short tip on how to love them - Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. So these three remain ... faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love.


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Close [x

Since it is far too annoying for me to deal with, I will post something less than polite and constructive here:

Khandu, you dimwit! What in the name of God possessed you to to use the name "Uncle Tink"? Don't you know it will attract guys who are more interested the size of your kielbasa than in MJH's lyrics? Why don't you change it to something like "The Unofficial, Totally Spurious, Half-Assed Mississippi John Hurt Lyrics Site, Hosted By a Guy With a Really Big Kielbasa"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: mack/misophist
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM

Dear Tweed,

You're not the first to find me annoying. Nor the thousandth. The question is "Why should I sign a guest book - re-sign - that I had never signed in the first place. If he prefers bulk over quality, say so and I'll be happy to oblige.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 12:08 AM

Tweed, I was just in there and I saw a whole bunch of messages from people. And about half of them seem to have been put there tomorrow ( ...or at least what was tomorrow at the time I was looking in there, which has only a few minutes ago changed to today).

Did he delete some others? And if so, was it by accident, or does he just enjoy deleting guest book messages.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 12:34 AM

Ohmigod!!! CarolC has discovered the true power behind the thrown of
Khandu, King of Mississippi. It's all in his ability to manipulate time and space. Those guestbook entries dated tomorrow really were written tomorrow! You weren't supposed to know about it, Carol! Now you can expect a visit from the Royal Forkers who will escort you back to Mississippi where you will be held in captivity as one of the Royal Dancing Tarts until such time as you no longer please His Majesty at which time you will be assigned a new job such as The King's Royal Remover of Toenail Clippings from Shag Carpet.

Either that or, judging by the grammar in the annoying little pop-up window I encountered, the website is hosted in Bangladesh or someplace like it and the website's time is whatever time it is there, not in Mississippi.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 12:51 AM

Dancing tart?

But I'm the ACCORDION player!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 09:16 AM

McMisophist, I too am found to be annoying by many and of course popups are annoying to us all. Being the martyr that I am, I've done the unthinkable, the ultimate annoyance, and plugged a blues oriented website on the Mudcat!!   (By the way, there is a "X ~ close window" clicky in very light font in the lower right corner of that popup. I clicked it off and so far have not been bombarded by trojans and new love life medications. And yes he did delete the works by accident. I've learned from a palace insider that while experimenting with the time space continuum,the Royal Fool had hoped to jog the guestbook's calender ahead and gain more entries but somehow went back in time to where there were none at all!! My god, it is so funny!!

I fear that the only thing that will save KhanduwhoisasloTinKhandu's website now is if CarolC performs accordian solos while doing her snake dance with the veils. This scene could replace the annoying-popup-that-moves on Tinkandoos front page and would provide hours of entertainment for shut-ins as well as generate thousands of new entries. It is widely accepted that sex sells, but insiders of the internet know that accordianmusic + sex = HITS. "Sign the book to drop a veil!" It is a brilliant idea and I think filming should commence immediately in order to save the lyrics of MJH's songs for future generations.

She must exercise caution though, as the Tarts are a jealous mob who would not think twice about drilling her bellows full of holes and there is of course the accordian-unfriendly BeeDubya and his guerrilla tactics to worry about. The Knower of a Things has had a pathological dislike for the instrument since he witnessed the late Zippy the Pinhead perform Lady of Spain at a county fair as a youngster. And who among us could blame him?

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 02:57 PM

I don't know about this "veils" thing. I prefer to perform in a fedora.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 04:55 PM

A fedora and accordian will be fine I think. I will try to google up a source for either sheer nylon or clear plastic accordian bellows and we can forget about the veils. This will be a fantastic success, and will prove to high brow Mudcatters here that I am not the same idiot that they have heretofore assumed me to be!! HAW,HAW,HAWWWRRR!! Soon I will be discussing metaphysics in French and Chinese with Rapaire and Amos!!!   

My god it is all so truly glorious.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Once Famous
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 04:59 PM

Man, this thread is from another planet.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 05:42 PM

Careful where you tread Martin, this whole thing could become Shatnerized and end up in the pile with the rest of them. I've just checked Uncle Tinks again and see that there are only new entries from the Tweedizens!!! Are there no mudcatters who would sign the Book obv Kinkhadoo, other than halfbreeds like myself, Beedubya and Rawpears?? Can it be that my Tweedizoids are the only ones with balls? Are there no fans of Mississippi John Hurt, the obscure and little known bluesman from Avalon on this folk forum?? Yes, there is a popup-that-follows-the-scroll but this can be clicked out safely by locating the nearly invisible yellow "X ~ Close" clicky. You will be sorry you did not visit when CarolC is filmed wearing nothing but a fedora and an accordian equipped with sheer nylon bellows!!

The Secret Book of TinKhandoo

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 06:06 PM

BIG LEG BLUES
Raise up baby get your big leg off of mine
Raise up baby get your big leg off of mine
It's so heavy make a good man change his mind

I asked you baby come and hold my head
I asked you baby come and hold my head
Sent me word that you'd rather see me dead

I'm going I'm going, crying' won't make me stay
I'm going I'm going, crying' won't make me stay
The more you cry the further you drive me away

Some crave high yellow I like black and brown
Some crave high yellow I like black and brown
Black won't quit you brown will lay you down

Late at midnight moon shines bright like day
Late at midnight moon shines bright like day
I seem your farer going' up the right of way

Big Leg Blues by the obscure Mizippi Bluesman MJH

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: khandu
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 09:29 PM

Some time back I off-handedly mentioned to Tweed that the MJH lyric site had gotten more hits that day than Tweedsblues had gotten. There was a moment of silence & then Tweed said "That's wonderful!! I know how you can increase your traffic ten-fold in just a few minutes!"

I, being the ever trusting soul that I am, asked him to show me how. He said it was some really complicated html that was too difficult to explain, then he suggested that I give him the password to the site & he would do it for me. Gratefully, I turned the "keys" to the place over to him.

The next day I opened my site & did not recognize the place. There were images of kielbasa & tacos everywhere. There was a picture of one lady wearing only a pearl necklace with a caption that read "Have you checked on your septic tank lately?". There were obscene pics of cows & vulgar displays of hogs. And the banner above it all read, "Welcome to Uncle Tinkerbell's MISSISSIPPI JUDD HIRSCH SIGHT!!!" The picture of John Hurt was replaced with a pornophallic photo of Mississippi Judd Hirsch proudly displaying his kielbasa!

AND MY GUESTBOOK ENTRIES WERE FOREVER GONE!!!!

Needless to say, I was bereft. My Lucky wife Cheryl called my Mom & they put me away for a few months where I could forget the Judasity `of my supposed friend Tweed. But a funny thing happened...the Mississippi Judd Hirsch site started getting far more hits than Tweedsblues!! Then inexplicably, it reverted back to the original "Uncle Tinks Place" & Tweed posted this thread here & on Tweedsblues.net! Coincidence???? I think not!!!

Thanks to all who helped rebuild the Tweed-destroyed guestbook! To those who left their emails, I will respond in the next few days. I apologize for the pop-ups, which are not supposed to be there & which I have never seen. I may wind up moving the site elsewhere or getting my own .com.

Kkwhoisaslotink

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 11:22 PM

Yes, but why "Tink"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Tweed
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 10:49 AM

It is as BeeDubya, Poet Lariot and Knower of One or More Things haz stated on that very guestbook, O CarolC. Khandu has long been fascinated with Tinkerbell and by becoming "uncle Tink" he has actually become a part of the little creature's family!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 12:44 PM

There is just so much scope for mischief for someone like me with a name like "Uncle Tink". I don't know how long my self-control will hold out, but I am making a sincere effort to behave myself. Just wanted you all to know that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:27 PM

Screw self-control!!!!


My name is Uncle Tink
My underwear are pink
I have a big kielbasa
Not a little bitty dink


Your turn...

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:12 PM

lol

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:49 PM

What??? "lol"??? Is that all???

I was expecting something like:

They're really very pink
And when they start to stink
I take them off and wash them in
My little bathroom sink

Subject: RE: BS: The Book of Kinkhadu
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 06:02 PM

It's hard for me to think
About our Uncle Tink
While paying bills and other stuff
That I need to get done today so I can get other stuff done tomorrow...

But maybe I'll have time later.