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BS: Chimpanzee to testify!

Liz the Squeak 02 Mar 05 - 06:21 AM
greg stephens 02 Mar 05 - 06:40 AM
GUEST,Raggytash 02 Mar 05 - 06:42 AM
GUEST,Tarzan 02 Mar 05 - 07:07 AM
John MacKenzie 02 Mar 05 - 07:09 AM
Davetnova 02 Mar 05 - 07:12 AM
robomatic 02 Mar 05 - 07:12 AM
Strollin' Johnny 02 Mar 05 - 07:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 05 - 07:41 AM
Layah 02 Mar 05 - 09:26 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Mar 05 - 09:39 AM
burntstump 02 Mar 05 - 11:37 AM
Bill D 02 Mar 05 - 11:52 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM
Rapparee 02 Mar 05 - 12:08 PM
Strollin' Johnny 02 Mar 05 - 12:18 PM
GUEST 02 Mar 05 - 12:50 PM
Liz the Squeak 02 Mar 05 - 01:12 PM
Georgiansilver 02 Mar 05 - 01:46 PM
JohnInKansas 02 Mar 05 - 05:59 PM
Chris Green 02 Mar 05 - 06:06 PM
Terry Allan Hall 02 Mar 05 - 06:20 PM
GUEST,Tarzan 03 Mar 05 - 05:36 AM
sue exhull 03 Mar 05 - 06:29 AM
Georgiansilver 03 Mar 05 - 08:09 AM
Strollin' Johnny 03 Mar 05 - 08:17 AM
GUEST 03 Mar 05 - 08:25 AM
Little Hawk 03 Mar 05 - 08:52 AM
Dave Hanson 03 Mar 05 - 09:49 AM
GUEST,The Shambles 03 Mar 05 - 10:06 AM
GUEST 03 Mar 05 - 10:40 AM
Little Hawk 03 Mar 05 - 05:18 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 03 Mar 05 - 05:58 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 03 Mar 05 - 06:01 PM
Richard Bridge 04 Mar 05 - 05:51 PM
Big Al Whittle 04 Mar 05 - 05:57 PM
semi-submersible 05 Mar 05 - 12:27 AM
Liz the Squeak 05 Mar 05 - 12:47 PM
Little Hawk 05 Mar 05 - 04:24 PM
GUEST,The Shambles 05 Mar 05 - 04:34 PM
Chief Chaos 05 Mar 05 - 08:24 PM
GUEST,Nerd 05 Mar 05 - 09:31 PM
Little Hawk 05 Mar 05 - 10:10 PM
Strollin' Johnny 06 Mar 05 - 03:20 AM
Liz the Squeak 06 Mar 05 - 03:25 AM
Little Hawk 06 Mar 05 - 10:39 AM
RichM 06 Mar 05 - 10:55 AM
Liz the Squeak 06 Mar 05 - 11:00 AM
Little Hawk 06 Mar 05 - 11:10 AM
Blissfully Ignorant 06 Mar 05 - 11:15 AM
Little Hawk 06 Mar 05 - 11:16 AM
Flash Company 06 Mar 05 - 11:18 AM
Blissfully Ignorant 06 Mar 05 - 11:19 AM
GUEST,The Shambles 06 Mar 05 - 01:42 PM
Chief Chaos 06 Mar 05 - 09:32 PM
Liz the Squeak 07 Mar 05 - 03:18 AM
GUEST,The Shambles 07 Mar 05 - 08:20 AM
Davetnova 07 Mar 05 - 08:42 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Mar 05 - 02:09 PM
Amos 07 Mar 05 - 02:12 PM
Flash Company 08 Mar 05 - 07:44 AM
JennyO 08 Mar 05 - 09:45 AM
GUEST,Balin son of Fundin son of Swarlin son of 08 Mar 05 - 12:48 PM
Amos 08 Mar 05 - 12:56 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 08 Mar 05 - 02:52 PM
Chief Chaos 08 Mar 05 - 08:23 PM
GUEST 09 Mar 05 - 05:14 AM
robomatic 09 Mar 05 - 05:30 AM
robomatic 09 Mar 05 - 05:32 AM
Chief Chaos 09 Mar 05 - 09:41 PM
LadyJean 10 Mar 05 - 12:51 AM
GUEST,The Shambles 10 Mar 05 - 04:04 AM
Liz the Squeak 10 Mar 05 - 05:27 PM
beardedbruce 10 Mar 05 - 06:57 PM
Liz the Squeak 11 Mar 05 - 04:27 AM
Little Hawk 11 Mar 05 - 11:51 AM
Liz the Squeak 11 Mar 05 - 05:46 PM
Little Hawk 11 Mar 05 - 11:20 PM
John O'L 11 Mar 05 - 11:48 PM
Liz the Squeak 12 Mar 05 - 08:54 AM
Little Hawk 12 Mar 05 - 01:35 PM
Chief Chaos 12 Mar 05 - 05:32 PM
Liz the Squeak 12 Mar 05 - 06:31 PM
GUEST,The Shambles 13 Mar 05 - 07:34 AM
GUEST,The Shambles 13 Mar 05 - 07:38 AM
The Shambles 06 Apr 05 - 06:07 PM
John O'L 06 Apr 05 - 08:43 PM
The Shambles 07 Apr 05 - 06:28 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM
The Shambles 07 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM
Little Hawk 07 Apr 05 - 07:27 PM
John O'L 07 Apr 05 - 08:28 PM
Liz the Squeak 08 Apr 05 - 03:15 AM
The Shambles 08 Apr 05 - 11:40 AM
Little Hawk 11 Oct 07 - 02:25 AM

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Subject: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:21 AM

Michael Jackson's Defence wants to call Bubbles the Chimp to testify his innocence.

The more astute amongst you will have spotted the obvious problem.

So he's bringing Judy, a translator.

Judy is a gorilla.

Does anyone else feel that this is slightly beyond the pale?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: greg stephens
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:40 AM

You'll get as much sense out of the apes as they are getting from Martin "Journalistic Principles" Bashir.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:42 AM

Don't forget to bring your knitting


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Tarzan
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:07 AM

Me Tarzan, me translate for Bubbles, that Judy is one lying bitch of a gorilla, she tell lies about paleface child molester.

Ungawa, Tarzan


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:09 AM

I didn't know that GWB was a friend of Michael's!
Giok ¦¬]


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Davetnova
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:12 AM

can't Chongo translate?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: robomatic
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:12 AM

I'm sure glad the press is paying adequate attention to this and not being distracted from the lesser issues of the day like the economy, Iraq, the Middle East, and narcotics.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:34 AM

Only in the Yew-Ess-Of-Ay! ROFLMAO!!
S:0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:41 AM

I dunno, I heard that Chongo and Bubbles don't exactly get along. Could Chongo be trusted to provide a fair and unbiased translation?

And anyway, Chongo doesn't really speak English. He speaks Hammettese. That means the court would have to provide another translator to translate Chongo's translation.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Layah
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 09:26 AM

I've heard of chains of translators being used in courts. Kind of makes you wonder whether what comes out has any relation to what was said in the first place. I've especially heard this in relation to deaf people who have not learned any language. They are translated to by deaf people who know sign language, and then a voice interpreter is used to translate that. I just wonder how the deaf person manages to talk to a person who knows no language.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 09:39 AM

I say get the gorilla outa the picture. Get another chimp in the court to translate. I would go, but I ain't got time for it. Besides, I can't stand Michael Jackson. He gives me the creeps. I don't like gorillas much either. I guess I am in agreeement with Tarzan on this one, but I got my doubts that that was the real Tarzan. I met the real Tarzan, and he don't sign off by saying "Ungawa". That's just in the movies.

"Ungawa" means, "He said it!" It can also mean "They said it!". Tarzan used to get angry elephants to stomp on people by pointing at them and saying "Ungawa!" This was some time after he would give a buncha loud yells that meant, "All elephants are dimwit, dumbass, motherf*ckers!!!" That would work great for bringin' the elephants out of the forest in the first place.

I am frankly surprised that the elephants never caught on and stomped Tarzan's ass, but I guess he is just lucky.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: burntstump
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 11:37 AM

can you tell who is who?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 11:52 AM

say it isn't so...please say it isn't so


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM

Didn't Bubbles die in 2001? Are they going to have him testify via medium?>


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 12:08 PM

I thought Bubbles was his python or boa constrictor...some kind of snake.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 12:18 PM

I heard on Radio today that MJ's next record will be 'I'm forever blowing bubbles'. :0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 12:50 PM

From today's Times.

However, the judge in the case, Rodney Melville, refused to make a decision, saying he would review the questions that Mr Bashir refused to answer and decide later whether he was in contempt. "It's a really ticklish area," the judge said.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 01:12 PM

Well considering it was Bashir's documentary that got the Public Prosecuter interested in the first place.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 01:46 PM

Give the chimp a gorilling I say. Bestiality is an offence in the UK, how about the US....A chimp "sticking up" for Michael..The mind boggles!
Best wishes, Mike.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 05:59 PM

I was going to post a link to "Michael and Bubbles," the Jeff Koons ceramic sculpture someone paid $5.6 million dollars for recently. (Must have been out of respect for Bubbles.)

The site won't let me link direct to the image, but it's a sidebar (3d image down) at Editorial: Miles Mathis and you can click the image there for the "larger view."

Warning – some content at this site may be almost as offensive (to some) as scandal about Mr. Michael.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chris Green
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:06 PM

An old one I know, but isn't Michael Jackson's favourite song "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles"? :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:20 PM

The snake (an albino Burmese Python) is "Muscles".


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Tarzan
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 05:36 AM

I remember you Chongo Chimp, you right, you should translate, you got good sense of humour.

Ungawa, Tarzan


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: sue exhull
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 06:29 AM

I heard that when Micheal Jackson dies, they are going to melt him down and make him into toys, so kids can play with him for a change !


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:09 AM

So is the concensus that he is guilty of what he is accused of or innocent until proven guilty? It seems that a lot of people have found him guilty already without any sort of evidence. The police must think they have a good case but it is surely up to the court to judge the reality of it all.
Best wishes, Mike.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:17 AM

Hey Duellingbouzoukis, I was five posts ahead of you! :0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:25 AM

legally he is innocent until proven guilty. However - as you say - public opinion is that he is guilty.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:52 AM

Public opinion generally assumes that people are guilty when charged...it's a nasty but common characteristic. God help any innocent person who is accused of a crime, because they enter that court with 2 strikes already against them...and they will undoubtedly be damaged by the experience, even if acquitted.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 09:49 AM

Only his fan club think he is not guilty.

eric


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 10:06 AM

By the time his defence team have finished - everyone (including the court cleaners) will be found gulity.

In a case that is largely one persons word against another - there must be a danger in making the jury choose between prosecution witnesses who the defence have done their best to discredit and the word of an unreliable defendant.

I am sure that Michael Jackson is not going to placed on the stand but we and the jury would have already seen him claim that he has only had two cosmetic operations on his nose only and that sharing his bed with young boys was OK.....

When it comes to establishing the truth - this must make it very hard for any jury to accept the defences view. For example - that MJ's fingerprints were on his porno magazines because the children had found them and he had seized them back.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 10:40 AM

Defence lawyer Tom Mesereau (who concluded his statement on Tuesday):

"Mr Jackson will freely admit that he does read girlie magazines from time to time. He absolutely does not show them to children."

Is it OK to show them to chimps?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 05:18 PM

I'll ask Chongo about that. My guess is he will reply with a resounding "YES!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 05:58 PM

The other half of "Sic Transit", keyboard player and parodist extraordinaire, Clive Lever, came up with this one (soong in Geordie, why Aye!).

Chorus:- War Jacko's lost his marbles,
          War Jacko's lost his marbles,
          War Jacko's lost his marbles,
          He's one brick short of a load.

First he gave us thrillin',
With that he made a killin',
But he wasn't the full shillin',
So next he gave us Bad.

Chorus:-

Bad, it was pathetic,
A musical emetic,
But he couldn't spell pathetic,
Why else would he call it bad.

Chorus:-

Next he had a nose job,
It would have made a saint sob,
Cos half an inch above his gob,
They stuck his private parts.

Chorus:-

Then he had a skin graft,
It made him look so bloody daft,
That even Stevie Wonder laughed,
When he turned from black to white.

Chorus:-

So if you spent your money,
On his latest CD,
Ten to one you must be,
One brick short of a load.

Chorus:-


Works for me!
Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 06:01 PM

Sorry folks, missed out penultimate verse.

I heard on panorama,
He'd bought himself a Llama,
The bloody stupid nana,
Couldn't tell it from a dog.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 05:51 PM

Since it has now been alleged that Jacko did some jacking for the chimp as well, will the defence now decide not to call the chimp, and claim matrimonial privilege if the prosecution call it?

My inclination is that the family's claims are a stickup (but then they would be, wouldn't they)?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 05:57 PM

very good Don (Clive), in the tradition as well!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: semi-submersible
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:27 AM

Does he show the smutty pictures to chimps? Well, a chimp's tastes may differ, but male rhesus macaques will give up some of their favourite fruit juice to see certain pictures of their own species: backsides (females only) and faces (high-rank only). (segment of CBC Radio's Ideas series; I also recommend the previous week's show)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:47 PM

Oh for f&%$s sake

IT'S A CHIMPANZEE!!! with a GORILLA acting as translator... imagine the things it could come out with...

Prosec.: 'Did your owner have illicit relationships with young boys?'

Bubbles: 'Bubble want a banana?'

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:24 PM

So? I think they should definitely do it. After the incredible farce of the O.J. trial, the glove, and all that...after the ludicrous 2000 election...after the pre-emptive war on the country that didn't have WMD's or cause 911...why not stretch the ludicrous drama of "justice in the USA" that one little step further?

It reminds me of the Roman emperors who did crazy stuff like declaring themselves gods...or marrying their female relatives to horses...or whatever.

The time for this has definitely come! Bring on the chimp and the gorilla, I say!

I think Madonna should also be brought in as a "material witness". And Liz Taylor. Let's milk this sucker for all it's worth, so as to take people's minds off stuff that really matters, like Medicare or the war. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:34 PM

I am sure that Jonathan King will testify to confim Michael Jackson's good name.....If they let him out of prison and they let him into the USA.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 08:24 PM

From what I heard the prosecution is bringing in Koko as an expert to testify that Bubbles has been subverted by his relationship with Jack-o.

On the serious side, as a law enforcement type, I'm not sure that this trial is going to do anything but cause more problems. You've already got a prosecutor who is almost admittedly "out to get" MJ. Add a woman who did claim, apparently without merit, that she'd been sexually assaulted by some store gumshoes, and the testimony of two minors (alot of the cases from the last couple decades have been overturned after the minors got older and admitted they were doing what their parents and doctors wanted them to do). He's already got three points for appeal right there. and that's not counting the police going into his attorneys files.

Can this very eccentric person get a fair trial in the first place?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Nerd
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 09:31 PM

Chongo just proved that Tarzan's theory of life is afrocentric--not surprising, when you think of it. See, the strategy of insulting an elephant and claiming that your enemy said it, so that the elephant stomps your enemy for you, is the exact premise behind the "Signifyin' Monkey," Which Henry Louis Gates identifies as the central trope of African-American literature and criticism. Go, Tarzan!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 10:10 PM

That is really fascinating...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 03:20 AM

Did he testify? Will he testify? What was/will be his testimony? I'm a little behind on the MJ thang, too busy having a life and doing important stuff like making music! :-)
S:0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 03:25 AM

Chief Chaos - and if all that doesn't work, he can get off by claiming insanity... who else but a mad person would suggest getting a fecking Chimpanzee to testify?!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 10:39 AM

Hmmm. Perhaps George Bush will also be able to get off with that plea one day...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: RichM
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 10:55 AM

If the chimp does testify....
I hope that the final outcome (to MJ) doesn't reflect badly on chimps...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:00 AM

There will always be that niggling feeling that the chimp and the gorilla were in cohoots....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:10 AM

Heh! Heh!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:15 AM

I think it's a fantastic idea. I think the judge, jury and all court officials should be composed of baboons and howler monkeys. I just think so.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:16 AM

I agree. Most TV and radio talk shows should also be hosted by apes or monkeys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Flash Company
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:18 AM

Little Hawk--- A whole lot of what is going on in my country (UK) as well as the US reminds me of what the Romans did. Give the people circuses, it will take their attention away from the mess we are making of governing the country!

FC


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:19 AM

Yeah, just look at Big Brother...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 01:42 PM

Many of those who are involved in the protection of children from abuse would view this case differently from the way most of us do.   

Those who abuse children and destroy the trust that many children still have in the good intentions that most adults have towards them - do not just abuse children on the few occasions that appear in court cases. They tend to abuse children over a long period but where there is usually little evidence that is strong enough to go to ever risk going to court with.

If you think that some members of the prosecution act as if the case against Michael Jackson was proven - it is probably because they are aware of information aand evidence about other abuses of children - that will never find its way to court. I suspect that they wish that some of the curent witnesses were not so easy for a deterimined defence to place doubt upon - and that the testimony of others could be produced - but that is just the process we have.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 09:32 PM

Shambles,

They said the same thing about G.W. prior to invading Iraq. Turns out most of what he knew wasn't real. MJ isn't guilty until proven innocent. There's a principal involved here. It's OK for the defense to go around saying he's innocent. That's their job. The prosecution should not be "acting" like he's guilty. That's for a jury to decide. That's the way the American justice system is supposed to work.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not defending MJ. He creeps me out. We ought to start a class action suit against everyone that puts his picture on the news for emotional damage for looking at him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 03:18 AM

You still don't get the point... Regardless of whether MJ is innocent, guilty or mad as a bag of herring....

IT'S A FUCKING CHIMPANZEE AND THEY WANT IT TO TESTIFY IN A COURT OF LAW!!!

Shouldn't there be a rule about calling pets to the stand? Has the US Justice system become so dumb that they could CONSIDER calling a pet to the stand?

Pros: Tell me Tiddles, where were you on the night of the 15th June?

Tiddles: Meow.

Pros: And what did you see there?

Tiddles: Puurrrrrrowl rowwwl meow prrrp.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 08:20 AM

It won't be the first time that an attempt has been made to turn a court of law into a circus.........

A number of people think the whole case is a distraction and a waste of time and energy. I was making the point that behind the circus element - remains a serious issue of the abuse of children and the protection of children (and animals) from that abuse. Agencies involved in this - do take it seriously.

I am not sure if Michael Jackson is guilty of these particular charges - or if this procedure will ever be able to establish this either way. But that is the procedure.

Whether Michael Jackson is mentally fit to be facing criminal charges is debatable, I think - but if he is fit enough to make money for record companies etc and be in sole charge of three (of his own) children - perhaps he is? This perhaps needs to be established - but this is not the defence being offered.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Davetnova
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 08:42 AM

Just a little note LTS.
The American justice system is not the only one to call pets. A case here UK recently called a woman's dog as a witness to prove that the woman was incapable of ordering the dog to attack a policeman.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 02:09 PM

But the catalyst was still the woman.. it was her inablility to order the dog that was on trial, not the dog getting up on the stand and saying 'she told me to bite the cop but I didn't'....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 02:12 PM

Good dog!! Good dog!!

ROTFLMA


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Flash Company
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 07:44 AM

Kenneth Grahame, the author of 'Wind in the Willows' said something along the lines that Monkeys have never shown any inclination to speak, they know that if they did they would be expected to work!

FC


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 09:45 AM

Of course, this is what a monkey might be capable of, according to The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite

"This memo describes a protocol suite which supports an infinite number of monkeys that sit at an infinite number of typewriters in order to determine when they have either produced the entire works of William Shakespeare or a good television show"

In the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Infinite Improbability Drive caused just that.

Arthur Dent: "Ford! There's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out."

Ya never know ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Balin son of Fundin son of Swarlin son of
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 12:48 PM

Primate: (noun) - achbishop, member of the highest order of mammals including man and apes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 12:56 PM

There's a hidden truth inherent in the very concept of an infinite number of monkeys. The truth is revealed by the collision and cognitive dissonance between "infinity" and "monkeys" who usually get lost above three when counting.

But I do not know what the truth is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 02:52 PM

Ahh! Let the chimp testify, he'll probably make more sense than Jacko anyway.

DT


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 08:23 PM

Wasn't it the Brits that allowed testimony from animals? I thought I read about it in "Dr. Doolittle".


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 05:14 AM

In another UK book of fiction - Peter Pan - little boys could live forever and fly in to children's bedrooms. Perhaps some US folks can't tell that these works are fantasy?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: robomatic
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 05:30 AM

I'm wondering if there is a cultural difference here.

In England you can be pretty weird but as long as you don't hurt anybody, they not only leave you alone, they give you some credit.

Here in America if you are weird yet harmless, you are also perceived to be vulnerable and sooner or later someone tries to take advantage of that and there is no societal sense of 'fairplay' to bar that sort of activity.

I'm not saying Jackson is necessarily that sort of weirdo, but he seems to be harming himself more than anyone else and the caliber of his accusers is to say the least, suspect.

Not to mention the sleaze-fest feeding frenzy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: robomatic
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 05:32 AM

From Capitol Steps (by memory)

I am a David Duke supporter
He says his Nazi days are gone
Now once again he's at J C Penney's
Seems they've got a giant white sale on.

He went to see a plastic surgeon
To give his face an aryan trim
Now Michael Jackson's gone Anglo Saxon
Duke wants to be more white than him

chorus:
Stand By Your Klan...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 09:41 PM

Guest has no sense of humor.

Although not in the same light as a chimp testifying, we present evidence all the time in the form of animal testimony when our search animals find drugs and explosives.

Let him testify. They're calling it a circus and I've had enough of my share of the clowns. Bring on the animals!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: LadyJean
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 12:51 AM

Having read Saki's Tobermory, I hope my cats are never called to testify on my behalf, and God forbid they should be called to testify against me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 04:04 AM

They won't be able to call the chimpanzee because they would have to find a look-like actor to play the part on the daily TV re-enactment...Or a chimp to say the lines.......

This show is interesting to watch. Watching the actor playing the high-powered defence cross-examining the actor playing the brother of the boy who claims to have been abused - reminds me of a Monty Python sketch where big John Cleese has a boxing match with a sweet little girl dressed in her party frock. He knocks her all around the ring and no one seems to see or object to the fact that this is no contest and an obvious mis-match.......

When the actor playing the boy hinself (the main witness against Michael Jackson) is cross-examined - I suspect this mis-match is going to be even more pronounced.

I can't help thinking that - whether it was by Michael Jackson or by his parents exposing him to this possibility and no matter how unreliable these parents may appear and whatever their motives - that there is little doubt that this child has been abused - and this court process is only adding to this.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 05:27 PM

So now the chimp is a paedophile tracker now is it?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 06:57 PM

Need I comment?





Subject: RE: BS: In every thread someone has to be last!
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 08 Apr 04 - 11:27 PM

Any situation can be improved by adding a chimp to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 04:27 AM

unless you're making guacamole.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 11:51 AM

I stand by my statement of 08 Apr 04 - 11:27 PM.

Thank you, Bearded Bruce!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 05:46 PM

You LIKE guacamole with chimp? Don't you find they eat half the ingredients before you can get it into the dip bowl?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 11:20 PM

No, no, you don't mix the chimp in with the guacamole, you share interesting dinner conversation over the guacamole WITH the chimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John O'L
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 11:48 PM

You never know, the chimp might rat on him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 08:54 AM

No, the rat was called Ben... remember the song?!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 01:35 PM

I can't wait to hear Bubbles' testimony. I think there will be some really shocking revelations, sufficient to make the O.J. trial look dull in comparison.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 05:32 PM

Shambles,

I guess your right. The only person I can think of who might look enough like bubbles to portray him in the re-enactments is too busy mismanaging this country!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 06:31 PM

I have only one thing to say.... the remake of 'Planet of the Apes', Helena Bonham Carter.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 07:34 AM

I have only one thing to say.... the remake of 'Planet of the Apes', Helena Bonham Carter.

That was Michael Jackson...............!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 07:38 AM

See the Story of Oliver.

http://paranormal.about.com/library/weekly/aa022800a.htm


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 06:07 PM

Bubbles was mentioned in court today - but has not been called to testify - yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John O'L
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 08:43 PM

"Do you swear to tell the truth...(embarrassed grin)...the whole truth...(looks pleadingly to the judge for salvation - finds none)...and nothing but the truth?"
The chimp scratches his head, does one of those lopsided Sid Viscious smiles and flicks the ash from the end of his cigar.
"OK. Where were you on the night of the fourteenth?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:28 AM

The court did get to hear that Bubbles had bitten one of the prosecution witnesses - on two occasions.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM

Dangerous animal!! Any other beast would have been put down after the first bite (unless it was a Royal doggie....)

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM

Perhaps we should remember that it is not the poor chimpanzee that is on trial?

Anyone predicting the outcome?


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 07:27 PM

Yes. The lawyers will win.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John O'L
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 08:28 PM

Wacko Jacko will walk (moon-style no doubt)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 03:15 AM

Well let's face it, there's more than enough evidence to prove he's as loony as a lake in Ontario!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 11:40 AM

Eccentric is the word - if the individual has money. Or in the UK when the family may have one time had money.

Anyone else as eccentric as sharing their bed and showering with very young boys - would have been dealt with - a long time ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 02:25 AM

This is one of the funniest gems of a thread we ever had. It deserves to be revived.

Voila!


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