BS: I found out today...........

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: jpk
Date: 24 May 05 - 05:13 PM

go'ing back to 4may on the pay issue,stop looking at group vs group and start looking at some one on one examples.to often stat's can be turned this way and that to prove whatever point a group or person wishes to make.polls happen to be the same way.as a local example,i can think of to wallpaper hangers one m,one f,the woman makes a hell of alot more than the guy[in fact more than most every other paper hanger around here"except the lawyers"],simply because she is the best at it around here.be willing to bet that as a group male paper hangers make more than females through.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,not confused, but very frustrated
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:46 PM

Well Kim, the book sounds interesting, although it's entirely possible that he might take offence at that too, given his sensitivity to almost anything about him. I'm not sure he'd believe me if I said it was for me either - he's not stupid (although he accuses me of thinking he is).

As for the counsellor, that could be equally tricky. Obviously worth some thought though.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Kim C
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:41 PM

Maybe you could get a copy of that book and just leave it casually lying around. ;-)

And what if you finagled it so that counseling sounded like HIS own idea, and not yours?

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,not confused, but very frustrated
Date: 10 May 05 - 01:59 PM

Kim C, you are definitely right about his lack of organisation. I accept that part. There are lots of places where he can spread his stuff. As well as the dining room table and all over the place outside, and bits in other places, he has a whole room in which to do his thing, and I don't interfere. He actually asked me once to help him get it organised and I did, but it soon got chaotic again. He loses things in the piles and gets frustrated himself sometimes. I try to rescue important things like bills out of the mess so they won't be forgotten, and he's happy that I do that, but otherwise I try to turn a blind eye.

All I asked was that he do the messy stuff in his hobby room, and keep the kitchen bench clear - it's only a little kitchen and I need the space. The paint and glue is leaving marks on the surface too. He agreed the first time I asked him, but then a few days later, he used it again - sounding apologetic and coming up with some reason why he wanted to do it there (eg, it was near the kettle). He knows I don't want him to do it, but it keeps happening, and he always acts like a naughty boy being scolded. I hate being cast into the role of nagging parent - I'm mostly very easy going - I would just like to have some places in the house that are not chaotic. I have to live there too. I need the kitchen to be a kitchen. I don't think that's too much to ask.

It's not like the stuff is spilling over into the kitchen. It is nowhere near his hobby room, so when he keeps making a deliberate choice to use that area knowing how I feel about it, it feels like he just doesn't seem to care that it's important to me. I have tried to tell him these things, but he immediately gets defensive and says I am attacking him, no matter how carefully I have expressed myself. It just feels like I have to constantly walk on eggshells to ask for anything I want, because he assumes I am saying he is incompetent. Yes he is messy, but far from incompetent. I'm not exactly a neatness freak myself, but I try to confine my mess to my own little corners.

It seems that he has his own demons to deal with - he is a good man in lots of ways, generous and a very creative person, but this is threatening to overwhelm all the good bits, and finding out that my blood pressure was up was a real wake up call. I do need to look after myself. I can't afford to be stewing over stupid arguments and worrying whether I am going to use the right words that he won't take offence at. If I suggested counselling, he would take it as a criticism of him - I can't say anything at all that even suggests vaguely that anything might be wrong.

Sorry for the rant. Had to put it somewhere. I'm a regular mudcatter but thought I should remain anonymous for this.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Kim C
Date: 10 May 05 - 12:39 PM

Guest, Not Confused, it may not be that your mate is passive-aggressive as much as he might be extremely right-brained and therefore challenged in the Organization department. I am that way. I can clean up for awhile, but things go back to Piles of Crap in a very short time. It's not because I'm trying to annoy my husband, or because I'm resentful of him in anyway --- it's simply because neatness isn't one of my skills. I have to have everything out where I can see it, or I'll forget it's there. (Several bags of vegetables have gone soggy because they were put in the crisper drawer, out of plain sight.)

I just read a great book called Organization for the Creative Person. See if your library has it, and bring it home for your husband to read. I found it very helpful, and I read parts of it to my husband as I went along.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST
Date: 10 May 05 - 11:56 AM

oops...Metchosin's MacDuff

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST
Date: 10 May 05 - 11:55 AM

I found out today that our Teddy's Teddy MacDuff has torn the doggie door from its hinges because he still refuses to acknowledge that he has a large funnel on his head. He was given the knickname "Crash" when we first got him, because it seemed to sum up his philosophy of life and thus far has lived up to his nickname.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Crystal
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:38 AM

I found out today that people think I write a good dance program!

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,not confused, but very frustrated
Date: 10 May 05 - 09:15 AM

I'd call that passive-aggressive behaviour. Your partner wants you to give up and keep your mouth shut.

Believe it or not, I am going through something similar with my partner even as we speak. He has passive-aggressive down to a fine art. He does a lot of tinkering, and bits of wood, plastic, wire, paint and glue end up all over the house. I've asked him several times to at least keep a bench in our rather small kitchen clear. Every time, he appears to make the effort for a few days, then things start sneaking back, in a small way at first, then back to being as bad as it ever was. I made the "mistake" of bringing it up again tonight, and now he's gone off to his room acting offended and insulted, like it's all my fault for mentioning it. I know if I pursue it further, it will end up in a full-on row, and according to him it will be all my fault.

I've noticed that when he is building up resentment about something (no doubt he is doing that right now), he does the things that he knows annoy me, even more. Of course he would deny it, but there definitely is a pattern. Eventually when I feel moved to say something, all his pent up anger and resentment comes spilling out and I realise that he has set me up. So my choice always is to give up and let him have his way, or risk hostility and resentment and a shouting match. Not much of a choice.

So I ask myself, should I keep my mouth shut? Hell no! I'll walk away when it gets bad, but I won't be silenced. I have a right to ask for what I want. What I have found out is that keeping things in is not good for me - I recently found out my blood pressure is up and I'm pretty sure this stuff must be a contributing factor. I'm not prepared to live my life with my mouth shut. Life's too short to have to tiptoe around and watch what I say. I'm taking care of me from now on.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,Confused
Date: 10 May 05 - 07:29 AM

I found out that if you are angry with your partner and share why you are angry, they can deny it and then say something like, "Oh you want me to be this way" and then they do.

Does this make any sense? I mean, come on. If my partner asked why I was angry and I told them how is it that they can say no that did not make me angry? And if I told them that that certain behavior did make me angry, why would they purposely do it for the rest of the day?

So what I found out was that it's better to just keep my mouth shut.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 May 05 - 06:31 AM

Our set of Highland swords have gone rusty AGAIN, so I have a fun few hours cleaning them up.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: ossonflags
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:42 AM

I found out today that Cherie Blair gets paid considerbly more than me.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: mg
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:31 AM

that my aunt I thought was a Finnish war bride was actually from Michigan. mg

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 09 May 05 - 09:40 AM

that one of my committees can zoom thru agenda items & finish early.

Now I hope that all memebrs can do what they are supposed to do before the next meeting in 4 weeks

sandra (now, what did I volunterer for, & what did they say I would do?)

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,brucie
Date: 08 May 05 - 11:29 AM

Best value-for-dollar dictionary on the market (and utilitarian, too) is Merriam-Webster's Tenth Collegiate. The www copy of it is here.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: ranger1
Date: 07 May 05 - 08:31 PM

Today I found out that we don't have a dictionary in the office. Tomorrow the boss finds out that he'll be buying a dictionary...

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:49 AM

I found out yesterday that we have a floor under all the crap in our dining room!!

(for crap read 4 melodeons, a bag of sheet music, 2 bags of whistles and recorders and associated melodeon carrying bags).

Limpit found out what the piano looks like closed - i.e., when NOT being used to store 15 bits of scratty music paper, another bag of whistles, 3 biros, 2 drywipe markers and eraser, a ballet programme, 2 Disney music books and Handel's 'Messiah'.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST
Date: 06 May 05 - 11:06 PM

Well, they didn't get me with that old trick a fourth time.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 May 05 - 10:54 PM

It wasn't today, but years ago...I found out that if you put your finger into an empty light bulb socket when the switch is ON it knocks you off the chair.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 06 May 05 - 10:36 PM

Yep!

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 May 05 - 10:33 PM

That it's a good thing if you can't find the chain saw when you are drunk and mad at your husband.......

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 06 May 05 - 09:54 PM

I found out that if I put new speakers in the pottery's (throwing ) room that the stereo still works . New speakers every 16 years is not so bad . I had sort of gotten used to the humming my speakers was adding to the music I listen to . Humming along as it were .
               I also learned that if caller ID shows "not Available " on the telipohone and then it is silent on the line untill the computer puts someone on to you that its a good idea to be "unavalable" yourself !!!
                  All the best , guy

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 06 May 05 - 09:36 PM

Who's got short shorts?

Glad you're OK Art.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 May 05 - 09:30 PM

Today I found out that, if one puts a plug into a live socket with a bit of wire across the prongs, it makes a hell of a sound and light show.

And that his wife is just glad he didn't electrocute himself, not annoyed. (spakith herself)

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:48 PM

Green muscovite. Sounds communistic to me. Don't let Washington know about this, Ranger1.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: ranger1
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:16 PM

I found out what fuchsite is. It's a very rare green mica, also called chromium mica. And I know where to find it. And I'm not telling.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: *Laura*
Date: 06 May 05 - 02:45 PM

I found out today that I have seven essays to do - five of which are due in on monday!
I also found out that in three weeks time, two of my exams are on the saem day which means I shall do a three hour english literature exam and then have a half hour break and then go straight into an hour and a half english language exam!
Why oh why oh why!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

xLx

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: jpk
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:13 PM

use your imagination,think[movie's-doctors-new york sen.some not mentioned] not allways but some.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,JennyO
Date: 05 May 05 - 12:41 PM

What I found out today:

According to research by the Australia Institute, about one in three Sydney fathers in full-time work with children under 15 years spend an average eight hours and 17 minutes a week travelling to work but three hours and 44 minutes with their children.

The average worker in Sydney spends an average of four hours and 43 minutes per week travelling to and from work, when part-timers are included, and five hours and 20 minutes for full-time workers.

If the average Sydney worker was paid for his travel time at his hourly wage rate, he would be $123 a week better off.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 05 May 05 - 12:40 PM

I found out today that it is unfortunately not physically possible to eat one's weight in chocolate in one sitting.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 05 May 05 - 12:27 PM

"I was pointing my comment in jpk's direction. I'm curious as to what s/he is talking about."

I know.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Gurney
Date: 05 May 05 - 07:09 AM

If a woman earned 30,000 of anything western less than me, she would be on a negative salary. I'm NOT a lawyer.
For every barrister that wins a case, another loses one, so they average a 50% success rate. If I did that, I'D be on a negative salary.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 05 May 05 - 04:44 AM

Don't barristers negotiate their own fees or are these salaried positions?

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 05 - 02:09 AM

prostitution was the first thing that came to my mind......

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 May 05 - 02:04 AM

I was pointing my comment in jpk's direction. I'm curious as to what s/he is talking about.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:07 PM

Women are still WAY behind in job dollars. Points to the necessity for unions and associations. Teachers in Canada receive the same pay regardless of gender. It depends on education, experience, etc. You don't have to convince me that women are treated unfairly when it comes to pay in so many jobs. The link demonstrates that very clearly.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:03 PM

No shit. Open the link. I posted that to clarify.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 May 05 - 07:29 PM

jpk: in some jobs women make as much and sometimes a hell of alot more than men!!!"

brucie: "In the U.S., the median full-time salary of female SLA members ($49,550) actually exceeded that of male colleagues ($48,672). "

I don't think that that is the job/dollars jpk is referring to. $878.00 more pay annually hardly qualifies as "sometimes a hell of a lot more."

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST,Bill the Collie
Date: 04 May 05 - 07:17 PM

... that my dad-in-law has planted grass seed in all the plant pots containing the dahlias which are to be his entries for the village show (dahlia section).

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: skipy
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:02 PM

I found today that:- Sooty still got her bad paw treated though.

That pleases me!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: *Laura*
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:45 PM

A guy in my law class (of about 3 guys and ten girls) when we were looking at this commented 'cool' - my (male) law lecturer advised him to shut up if he values his testicles.
thankfully not all males are like him! :o)

I ALSO found out today - the defenition of the word 'serendipity'.

xLx

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:40 PM

Might be a reference to this:

"November 1, 1999 — Women and men working as special librarians and information professionals are paid the same, according to the 1999 Annual Salary Survey of the Special Libraries Association (SLA, http://www.sla.org). In the U.S., the median full-time salary of female SLA members ($49,550) actually exceeded that of male colleagues ($48,672). In Canada, the median earnings matched ($52,000)."

However,

Read this for the big picture. Women are discriminated against.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: GUEST
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:20 PM

There's no such thing as a gruffalo.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: *Laura*
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:17 PM

True - but look -

"Almost 30 years after the Equal Pay Act made it illegal to pay women less than men for doing the same job, women working full time earn on average £559 less per month than men do." from www.eoc.org.uk.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:16 PM

I found out yesterday that Portland, Oregon has 22 breweries. juneau, Alaska has one.

jpk: Please cite your sources.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: jpk
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:06 PM

in some jobs women make as much and sometimes a hell of alot more than men!!!pounds or dollars or whatevers.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Emma B
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:55 PM

that the Sainsburys supermarket in our small market town is stocking Rogue smoked ale - all the way from Oregon! Life is full of such small pleasures.......

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Metchosin
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:41 PM

I'm so sorry Little Robyn, it must be a bad week for pets. A friend's old dog jumped over the railing of their deck last week and hit the ground below pretty hard and is not in good shape.   

And our wee Westie, Macduff, jumped onto a cold frame and broke through the glass, last Friday and nearly severed his front leg. Fortunately, although he lost a lot of blood, we managed to get him to the vet in time and he now has a lot of stitches and a plastic funnel on his head, which he hates, but he's going to be OK.   

Jim Dixon, I think they may have thought of that, because they are going on tour across Canada next month and one of the things they are planning to sell along the way are T-Shirts. I think it could prove way more profitable just to sell the shirts on their website, but not nearly the adventure. BG

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:23 PM

Found out that vets here charge more if you are a foreigner than if you are a local. Sooty still got her bad paw treated though.

Next time I will let Jade do the negotiating with the vet.

Subject: RE: BS: I found out today...........
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:18 PM

I found out today that lawyers seem to make a helluva lotta money.