BS: Important question . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 11:42 PM

RIGHT.
Jaysus, LH. Have him play a tune while yer at it!

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 11:26 PM

LH - if I thought that Seamus would stand for it I'd try that trick. Trust me, knowing when he's letting one off would be invaluable.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: LadyJean
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 11:22 PM

I have a friend who is learning ventriloquism so she can make her parrot say rude words without teaching them to the bird. Apparently an episode of NYPD Blue featured a parrot who said douche bag, an one of her neighbors has been harassing her about it. So, she's going to have the parrot say douche bag to him. The parrot says "Hi there" on his own. But nothing else. Though he likes it when I sing "Dancing Beak to Beak" to him.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 10:48 PM

OhOhOh!!!! Stomach hurts from laughing....

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 10:42 PM

I had a German Shepherd who once while sitting with her arse flat on a hardwood floor (and I'm guessing having her anal sphincter 'sealed' as it were, made a sound that shook the floor (OK, it likely wasn't measured on the Richter scale, but it sounded like it SHOULD have been). She stood, gave me a dirty look and left the room. I left shortly thereafter.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Hrothgar
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 10:37 PM

It is a well known scientific fact that the farting of goldfish is a major contributor to the greenhouse effect.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 10:36 PM

I would opine it's because they tend to keep their anal sphincter damp thus providing a certain elasticity. So: When the mass of gas makes haste to pass with ultimate insistence, its very quiet passage meets with almost no resistence.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 10:35 PM

They are not always silent. Just usually. Probably because dogs are more relaxed or something. If you get a very small whistle, grease it, and insert it in your dog's anus, he will whistle a warning every time, and you can run to the next room. If you do this to yourself, you can puzzle people in crowded elevators. Just act like it isn't you. Look around in a puzzled fashion when you hear the whistle toot.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 10:30 PM

Sorry for the thread drift, but when I raised this important question in staff meeting yesterday afternoon, it lead to other important questions....the main one being "As rotten as dog farts are, why are they always silent?"

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: GUEST,Ichtyology Rules OK
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 02:13 PM

Well goldfish are a member of the carp family, and as such are entitled to be Mudcatters, where carping has been raised to an (f)art form by some.
Then there is the Golden Orfe which is a large gold fish, and may have got that name because it farted a lot, and people kept telling it to Fuck Orfe.
Then there is the Shebunkin Goldfish which is such a silly name that it might be best if I didn't go there.
At least Goldfish only have one bottom to fart out of, so be grateful folks

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: ranger1
Date: 07 Jan 06 - 11:31 AM

Oh, thanks, Azizi! NOW you've done it!

As to the farting question, I can tell you with absolute certainty that dogs do fart and I now need to vacate the computer room!

Subject: Lyr Add: WHO PUT THE BOMP (+ parody)
From: Azizi
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 05:44 PM

Janie, you're so right to be worried. Be very worried-especially if you find yourself singin this song this way:

Who made the fart
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who made the fart
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who made the fart
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who was that man
He'd better wash his hand
He made my baby run away from me.

Of course we all know the real words to this immortal song. So come on everybody-sing along with Peace {Since he's the threadstarter, he has the honor of leading this song}.

WHO PUT THE BOMP
Lyrics by: Barry Mann & Gerry Goffin

I'd like to thank the guy
Who wrote the song
That made my baby
Fall in love with me

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man?
I'd like to shake his hand
He made my baby
Fall in love with me

When my baby heard
Bomp bah bah bomp
Bah bomp bah bomp bah bomp bomp
Every word went right into her heart
And when she heard them singin
Rama lama lama lama
Rama ding dong
She said we'd never have to part
So.........

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man?
I'd like to shake his hand
He made my baby
Fall in love with me

Each time that were alone
Boogity boogity boogity
Boogity boogity boogity shoo
Sets my baby's heart all aglow
And everytime we dance to
Dip da dip da dip
Dip da dip da dip
She always says she loves me so
So........

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man?
I'd like to shake his hand
He made my baby
Fall in love with me

MIXTURE: [Peace]instead of Barry SPEAKS:
Darlin, bomp bah bah bomp, bah bomp bah bomp bomp
And my honey, rama lama ding dong forever
And when I say, dip da dip da dip da dip
You know I mean it from the bottom of my boogity boogity boogity shoo

-snip-

And if you are a glutton for punishment here's a link to a Who Put The Bomp lyrics & midi file

Enjoy!

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 05:26 PM

"Marianas Trench"

Trench? I thought it was a sauce.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 05:24 PM

All of you are really starting to worry me...I wouldn't say it if I didn't love each and every one of you, but you need help. You really, REALLY need help.

This might be a good time to try a slice of be-bop-a-ree-bop rhubarb pie.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Alba
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 05:15 PM

I am relieved Rapaire to hear that an explosion would occur if Polly drank pepsi..crystal clear now. Thank you so much for allowing me to alter the image I was holding in my head of a Parrot imploding. Exploding seems more Monty Pythonish, if you catch my drift!

..but what of Mice not Men?
Would they 'im' or 'ex' on Alka Seltzer or Coco Cola or even Pepsi for that matter.
Can you help in this area?
In anticipation
Jude:>)

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 04:44 PM

A parrot full of gas wouldn't implode. It would explode. To implode is to collapse because of outside pressure, like a two-dollar bathyscathe descending into the Marianas Trench. It's crushed by the outside pressure, or imploded.

If something contains so much of something that the enclosing walls can no longer hold it in, it explodes. Like a parrot on alka-seltzer.

I do hope that all is now clear.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: GUEST,The Deli Lama
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 03:57 PM

"Have you seen them, trailing long spaghetti-like poos behind them?"

Well.....no, I can't really say that I actually HAVE observed that.

The Deli Lama

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 03:13 PM

Goldfish (and fish in general) do not fart. There is little in their diet that generates gas. The proof is in the goldfish's turds. Have you seen them, trailing long spaghetti-like poos behind them? Now, if they farted, those poos would be more like Morse code, and less like an EEG of GWB...

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Azizi
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:48 PM

Peace, here's a website that have farts that might rival your memorable fart: Fart Sounds Online

This site advertises that in addition to a bunch of free "downloadable" fart sounds, it has "a bunch of free videos, flash animations, song parody downloads, and other free stuff." This site also claims to have "the largest selection of fart merchandise on the planet at the Fartmart".

Being at work, I haven't checked any of this out.

But buyer and downloader beware.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:38 PM

As well you should be. But if you go on Wheel of Fortune, you'll be able to buy a bowel.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: GUEST,The Deli Lama
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:34 PM

I'm eternally grateful to this thread. Now I'll be fully prepared when I go on "Jeopardy!"

The Deli Lama

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:21 PM

I've got a car that farts when it's held too much booze......

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:17 PM

Of course, not meaning to brag, I cleared a tent once when I was a teenager at a gymnastic camp. It was raining and we decided to see who could fart

1) the loudest
2) the longest
3) the smelliest

FYI, farting in a tent when it's raining outside is considered to be antisocial behaviour by many adults. To teenagers, it is entertainment and a source of great merriment. One can establish a reputation of sorts by being able to give forth a fart of monumental proportions harkening one to memories of Krakatoa in 1883 or Mount St Helens' 97 years later--at least amongst one's friends.

Well, Norm, the best swimmer at the camp won the loudest category. We gave him 10s. The longest went to Sid--he was best at rings, and we assumed that building upper-body muscles must have helped him control the 'southern route'. He was gentleman enough to admit that he could have gotten a few more seconds out of it but he was just a tad worried that it might not all be gas--a situation that affects many politicians because they tend to mix up entry and egress points. Anyway, when it came my time to contribute to the festivities--I will not go into details because it would seem like bragging, and I am a modest sorta person, but I let one go that will be remembered in the anals (I thought that was pretty good, heehee) of farting history. Within seconds I was alone in the tent. I was pummelled by the guys when I tried to escape, but for two days it was the talk of the camp. People I barely knew were asking what I ate and was there a secret involved. Heady times for a 13-year old. I basked in that glory until another fellow found a five-foot snake and we hid it in Miss #####'s room. But that's another story for another time. But I have never heard such screaming and language in my life. Not even in an all-men's tavern.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:05 PM

Gertrude or Heathcliff?

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: ranger1
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 11:31 AM

Giggle, giggle, snort, giggle, sprayage of coffee on computer screen...

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 11:28 AM

I do think about that. After eating a seagull I usually have to take a few alka-seltzers and then I fart like a trooper. Feathers like ya wouldn't believe.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: ranger1
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 11:23 AM

About the parrot imploding, we coastal folks have long known that birds can't fart. Think seagulls and alka-seltzer...

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Alba
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 10:58 AM

...we shall be waiting your return Threadstarter..:>)
Have a good Day!!
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 10:35 AM

Won't be back until tonight, but then I'll catch up to y'all.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Alba
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 05:14 AM

I will admit Kaleea that the site I posted for SS didn't get down to the real nitty gritty of the Humu "humu nuku nuku apua'a"!

Pepsi making Mice implode, mmmmmm that was something I felt I had to investigate and found out nothing regarding mice advice but.............
There is a warning not to let Parrots anywhere near carbonated drinks and a few other dietary supplements!
"There are a few foods that parrots must never have. These are avocado, chocolate, carbonated drinks, caffeinated drinks, and alcohol. Parrots lack a certain enzyme required to digest chocolate, and it can be toxic for them as a result. Carbonated drinks are dangers because parrots have no mechanism for ridding themselves of the gas from the carbonation upon ingestion. Caffeine and alcohol are both dangerous to a parrot's health, as they are not well digested."

So...Parrots do NOT pass wind...does this mean they implode...oh poor polly

I will now embark on a Truth finding mission regarding the song you mentioned...I may be gone some time on that one.
Still the Mouse v's Pepsi out come (or not as the case may be) is urking me.......

Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Kaleea
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 01:25 AM

Alba,
I followed the link, however there seems to be no information about the farting, or lack thereof, of the Humu humu nuku nuku apua'a. Now THAT is serious. I also want to know if they truly do go swimming by. And by the way, are they really the littlest fishies? Or is it all just another whopper of a fish tail--er, uh, tale invented to sell a song back in 1933?

And now for something not completely different, I was told that not all critters far . . .er, uh, ahem, expel gas. I used to know a feller who would leave out pepsie for the mousies as he said they could not fa--er, pass gas & therefore would expire due to something akin to an explosion of the innards. What, if anything, of these things are true?

Subject: Lyr Add: MONKEY FARTS (Mike Barrett)
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 01:07 AM

Peace, here's a charming little ditty written by my friend Mike Barrett, which I recorded on my By Popular Demand CD. BTW, I'm amazed the Spaw hasn't joined in on the most erudite discussion.

MONKEY FARTS                   (M. Barrett, Cellardoor Music)

My father came here from his home in Ireland,
He was quiet but they said that he was wise.
He and Mother did their best, gave us a home and all the rest,
But to talk to us he never had the time.
Sure, he'd say "Pass the butter." or, "Come here young man."
Or, "Keep quiet." or, "No you can't have a dime."
Until the day when I was leavin' when Dad finally found a reason
For sharing his philosophy of life...

He said: "A monkey fart should smell like a banana,
English farts should smell like cups of tea;
The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy,
When a father farts I hope you'll think of me.
An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter,
It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well,
A lion's fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour,
A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell;
A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet,
A pretty girl's should barely even squeak,
But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust
Than ever let one rip right on the street..."

Well, from my old man this really was an earful,
I tried to understand just what he meant;
His words were primitive but strong so I wouldn't get them wrong,
He was saying to be careful as I went.
He was saying to be happy as I could be,
He was saying watch my step and as I pass,
To beware who I look up to, and whatever else I might do,
Know that most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas...

He said: "A monkey fart etc..."

Let 'em rip!

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: LadyJean
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 12:28 AM

I have a flatulent kitten, who would probably like to meet your goldfish. Viggo, who moved in in November, seems to think he's part of my anatomy, and occasionally has gas. I wonder if it's the kitten chow.
Now my sister had a fish called an oscar that would swim to the top of the tank and wiggle his tail when she came into the room. This is pretty standard Oscar behavior.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: SunnySister
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 12:11 AM

And I'm surprised by this???

I might be new to this site, but I'm not THAT slow!

;)

-- SunnySister who will gladly give those particular bragging rights to Peace

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 12:03 AM

Oh, Peace was bragging about his farts, in some other thread, just a minute ago!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: SunnySister
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:58 PM

You're right, bro, except that right now, since my fish is sick, I can't blame it on him. Wouldn't be sporting.

Of course, what I should have done all along is blame it on Peace- isn't he the one that attempted to distract us in the first place???

And the songs he comes up with... sheesh. Surely an attempt to get our minds off the most obvious of perpetrators.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:57 PM

(I also find it really amusing that no one, in all these years of people asking me what my Mudcat name means, NO ONE had decoded the fact that it's basically a SpeakingInTongues word that means "God's Designated Stunt-Farter." Why else do you think She made the goldfish??? Just think-- the carnival games where the prize is a new, young fish? The guys think they are God's gift to the girls standing around admiring their pitching, so they need a fish to blame, too.)

If fish REALLY farted, dontcha think there would be ads for medicine to drop into the water to stop it, with "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" as the jingle? Sheeshe, people, WAKE UP!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Azizi
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:54 PM

Well, before you let go of that song, how 'bout changing the "green" to "eat ice cream"? Kids can pretend to be holding and licking an ice cream cone..

After all, "bow to the queen" may work in England or even in Canada but in the US of A, we don't want any kings or queens and we really don't want any dictators either-but that's a whole 'nuther subject...

Any way, thank you Peace for the link. I'll add that song-with that minor modification-to my musical programming for preschoolers. It has a familiar {catchy tune} and teaches color recognition and has accompanying actions. As Tony the Tigert says "It's great!!!"

But as Sunnysister said, we adults may want to get that song out of our minds..So how about this song: 'who put the bomp in the bomp shu bomp shu bomp' etc etc etc..

{I just love it when things go full circle}.

:o)

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:49 PM

If you farted and you know it blame the fish....

SunnySister, you must be my LITTLE sunnysister, or you would know that when you point the finger and get blamed, it's obviously YOUR turn to blame the fish! I thought everybody knew THAT! :~)

~S~

Subject: Lyr Add: DOWN BY THE BAY
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:48 PM

This will take your mind off it.

Down By the Bay
Written By: Unknown
Copyright Unknown

Down by the bay
Where the watermelons grow
Back to my home
I dare not go
For if I do
My mother will say
"Did you ever see a bear
Combing his hair
Down by the bay?"

Down by the bay
Where the watermelons grow
Back to my home
I dare not go
For if I do
My mother will say
"Did you ever see a bee
With a sunburned knee
Down by the bay?"

Down by the bay
Where the watermelons grow
Back to my home
I dare not go
For if I do
My mother will say
"Did you ever see a moose
Kissing a goose
Down by the bay?"

Down by the bay
Where the watermelons grow
Back to my home
I dare not go
For if I do
My mother will say
"Did you ever see a whale
With a polka dot tail
Down by the bay?"

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: SunnySister
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:40 PM

What in the world are you doing, Peace????

Now I've got that darn song in my head and I'm trying to relax to go to sleep. Sheesh. I don't know what to say except now I have vision of Sunday School class...

-- SunnySister, trying to think of another song to prempt Peace's...

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:33 PM

Put your sound on.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Azizi
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:24 PM

Wow! How did I see Bobad's link and not Peace's link?

Something wierd is goin on here.

Well, I just made a fool of myself.

But what the heck. You live and you learn.

Thanks, Peace for trying to broaden my knowledge of spirits.

It's all good.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:23 PM

"Or by combining with the "What do YOU wear on your head thread" we get this ."

THAT was clever.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: bobad
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:22 PM

Close enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Azizi
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:17 PM

Thanks Bobad. Actually, I thought you were talking about alcoholic beverages, so your link was surprising. But I have to say that it left me in the dark.

So I had to turn to my friend google and I think I see the light now.

Who woulda known there are bubble levels for cameras??
Obviously not me, but I'm hip to it now. Well, maybe "hip" is too strong a word, but at least I think I know that there are bubbles in cameras and those are called spirit levels and the photographers have to watch that they don't fart so they don't drink any carbonated drinks while they're working.

Do I have it right?

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: SunnySister
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:17 PM

Another meaning for spirit level:

The noise the fans make at a bowl game :)

By the way, I KNEW it was you, WYSIWYG, who tooted! I just couldn't point the finger at the time because everyone knows that it's usually the person who points the finger that really did it...

Also, I would advise not to "pull" the finger either...

--Wise words indeed from SunnySister who had a brother full of gas!

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: bobad
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:11 PM

Or by combining with the "What do YOU wear on your head thread" we get this .

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 11:08 PM

Michelle with thirsty goldfish and Susan blam--do people actually believe you? That could be a wonderful sales technique for places like Fish R Us.

This brings back the 1960s. Was the day I discovered that sguirels/squerils/squirrells/squur/ chipmunks really like peanut butter.

Subject: RE: BS: Important question . . . .
From: bobad
Date: 05 Jan 06 - 10:59 PM

Azizi: spirit level