BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Feb 09 - 02:19 PM

It's Karachi, you numbskull!

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Sawzaw
Date: 15 Feb 09 - 01:24 PM

Wreckage of Flight 13911 Spotted junglenewsnetwork.com 12 Feb 2009

The wreckage of a de Havilland Qr400uhf that was reported missing wendesday night was spotted in a remote wilderness area in the interior of Newfoundland.

The connecting flight to Crotchi, Pakistan via London did not arrive a scheduled at st John's International Airport which prompted the search and rescue operation.

It is not yet known if there are any survivors because rescue hellicopters have not yet reached the site of the crash.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 06:03 PM

To learn the truth about Chongo Messy (and how many of us were aware that the tail-less troglodyte had a surname?) see this article in Wikipedia.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: GUEST,Magenta
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 05:00 PM

Chongo's just any chimp. In a way, he's become Christ-like too. Born again after enduring a near death experience in a coma, returning to this mundane existence after swapping cigars with Winston Churchill on a higher plain. Maybe he communed with King Kong during that NDE too.

His cells have been spiritually re-energised, he continues the battle for good against evil by just emanating - well, some say it's a smell, but i think it's spiritual radience.


Chongo is ... *special*.


Magenta

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 12:48 PM

WTF!!!

Chongo has never been a Canadian citizen, Sawzaw. He just visits here when he needs to relax and take the pressure off for a few days. He's an American citizen, and his main residence is in Chicago. His political affiliation is APP (American Primate Party). His religion is a little hard to pin down, but I think he worships King Kong...that is, Kong is like the Christ figure in Chongo's pantheon of sacred beliefs, having died tragically on behalf of all apes and monkeys at the hands of treacherous humans when he was shot off the top of the Empire State Building (after having been perfidiously kidnapped, drugged, put in chains, and shipped across the sea to be exploited as a profit-making spectacle for the delight of the human mob).

Man, it's a disgusting story when you stop to think about it! No wonder Chongo harbours such resentment toward humans in his little hairy breast.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Sawzaw
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 01:16 AM

The real story behind the disappearance of Chongo is that he saw Mahmoud Ahmadinejad speaking on TV while hanging out in his favorite sports bar.

He decided if Ahmadinejad could make it to such a high position, he, being just as handsome could make it too. He immediately put out his last cigarette and downed the remainder of his last beer and decided to convert to Islam.

The next day he sought out and joined the nearby, local Ibrahim JhimmyJahm Mosque. In no time at all he was taken into the brother hood. They "fell in love" with his profuse body hair, especially around the face. They believed he could go far in the Islamic leadership so they took up a collection and created an education fund for him. It became known as the Chongatollah scholarship fund.

Last Wednesday he held a brief ceremony pronouncing his Shahada and denounced his Canadian chimpizenship. He then burned the flag, donned his ghutra and dishdasha and boarded a de Havilland Qr400uhf, bound for training at the Kabooma Islamic School in the mountainous tribal area of Ishmuckdick Pakistan.

He has vowed never to return to "this land of follically challenged humans and infidels".

His friends and aquaintences have gone to great lengths to cover this and avoid embarasment but they wish him well.

They keep asking themselves "where did we go wrong?" This question will probably never be answered.

Don't be suprised if you see him on TV someday in the future with his finger in the air extolling this or that about some enemy and vowing jihad on them.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 07:20 PM

Ah...a great blast from the past.

Chongo's been seeing someone else lately, but if he ever goes back to Australia I am sure he'll look up Magenta.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: freda underhill
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 08:27 AM

Magenta's waiting for you, Chongo.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Cluin
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 10:30 PM

Talk about preaching to the choir.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: number 6
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 10:28 PM

Chongo's not dead ... he's on the lam. Apparently he was turning all the jazz musicians in Simcoe county on to the reefer.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Cluin
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 01:21 PM

You just got it, kendall?    ;)

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: kendall
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 07:50 AM

Giok, .."a PRImate funeral" ? LOL

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 12:24 PM

Chongo's origins.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jan 06 - 01:10 AM

"a star about eighty light-years beyond Sirius."

This thread is about that, too.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Gurney
Date: 22 Jan 06 - 12:51 AM

BWL has touched it with a needle! I never believed Chongo did.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 04:30 PM

Yeah. Now there's a credible story. I can believe that. No problem.

Has the Weekly World News been informed?

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 02:58 PM

The whole thing was a setup. The "girl" was not a girl at all. "She" was an alien being from the planet Robitusin, which orbits a star about eighty light-years beyond Sirius.

Well, "she" wasn't actually the being itself. The being is still alive and well. You see, Robitusians have the ability to use raw materials readily available in the air and soil of other planets to cloak themselves in guises closely resembling life-forms of whatever planets they may be on. When they're through with their disguises they usually return the raw materials to whatever sources they borrowed them from. Something must have happened which made the Robitusian leave the prostitute's "body" in it's complete state.

As for the chimp found with the dead prostitute, it obviously wasn't Chongo. Chongo may fantasize about making it with human women, but when it gets down to the nitty-gritty he always chickens out. Even being propositioned by a human prostitute would have sent Chongo running away yelling "Ook-ook! Jabba-jabba!" as fast as his four legs could carry him.

Exactly why this charade was carried out is still being worked out. It's possible that the Robitusian agent may have been attempting to contact The Leader of the Free World who is rumored to bear a remarkable resemblance to Chongo and his relatives. Why the Robitusian chose to disguise itself as a streetwalker is another unknown, though it's possible that it may simply have not realized that it was the previous Leader of the Free World for whom a floozy would be a surefire attractant.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 02:10 PM

"And how do you spell fecies?"

S   H   I   T

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Raptor
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 02:00 PM

Great, Why didn't anyone tell me that the Chimp wasn't Chongo?

And why did he leave the other chimp in such sketchey circumstances?

And who was the imposter chimp?

And did chongo kill him?

And where did they get TJ Hooker

And who killed her?

And why did the real Chongo rip into me?
And how do you spell fecies?

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 12:37 PM

I wonder if it's ever been considered, to run a story thread as a permathread with a designated editor to smooth parts together every once in awhile? The non-story chatter that accumulates could be pruned, that way.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 12:14 PM

Or is it "heyday"? Pretty strange word, isn't it?

I think jumping Chongo into a connection with Blake Madison is a great idea.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 12:06 PM

Amos, why don't you write a transition so Chongo can be "jumped in" to the Blake tales???

LH, silly! It's a mystery in relativism! It works however YOU decide it works!

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 12:02 PM

Blake was a human forerunner to Chongo. Alas, I was not in Mudcat when Blake Madison was in his hayday. I have to look up those old threads.

So, Susan, tell me...how does pre-incarnation work?

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 11:30 AM

Blake Madison, Private Eye, a thoroughly human flatfoot with not a trace of monkey in him; the brilliant brainchild of one E. J. Johnson, of Mudcat fame, and the impeccable creative force of Professor T of Toronto. What a pair. Not to mention the other authors who made his tales so irresistible.


A

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 11:25 AM

Oh!

Is Chongo part of that old secret-agent Mudcat story? What wazzat again?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 11:21 AM

Actually, da whole ting was a scam, see? Chongo needed ta blow town fer a while, see? Me an' a coupla his frienz, we fixed it for him. Da stiff dey found wasn't Chongo. We borrowed it from the Medical Research wing over at the Chicago zoo, see. Set it up with Chongo's ID tags in da pocket, gave it one of Chongo's fedoras to wear, and a coupe of cigars wid his DNA on 'em, an' bingo. Da flatfoots was none da wiser.

Meanwhile, Nosy an' me t'rew Chongo inta da trunk of a big black touring car and drove clear down to da Mexican border, and a coupla hunnert miles paast, and put ole Chongo on a plane outta Veracruz bound for Sanitago de Cuba where a coupla our buddies useter have a casino, see, and reckon they could take care of him, show him a good time until things cool off.

But ya never know,. Chongo may never come back to Chicago. When we wuz plannin' out dis caper, over a bottla Four Roses and a deck of Luckies, he looked out da winder and said somethin;' that stuck with me.

"Stubs," he sez, "Dis burg is for da monkies."

I never forgot dat. He had a funny look in his eye when he said it.

Stubs

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 10:58 AM

Reincantation fits Shatner better.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 10:07 AM

Pre-incarnation is when you get to operate a body that's a lot smarter than you are. Yeah, that fits.


A

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Duane D.
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 09:57 AM

Isn't Shatner already preincarnated? He looks the part.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 09:30 AM

It was merely obivious. I thought pre-incarnation was MUCH funnier but maybe it's the churchy side of me.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 05:51 AM

TJ! Hahahaha.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 02:40 AM

Raptor 5.49. Little Hawk is in a denile phase? Is that similar to senile? I hadn't noticed. Apart from a predilection for songwriters who can't sing, that is.

Hey, but he was lost for words up there. That must be a first.


Heh heh.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 12:32 AM

LOLOL

THAT was excellent.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 06 - 12:31 AM

TJ.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 11:59 PM

Forget the ape. Who was the hooker?

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 11:56 PM

LH, Shatner believes in Pre-incarnation so don't worry, we'll always have him, just as we always have. Scary thought, but face it.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 06:58 PM

Still missing the green on the fifth stroke, Raptor? Man, you have got to work on your grip. Get lessons from a pro. Swallow your pride and do it while there's still time, because the Conservatives may be running Canada in 2 more days and that will mean...the END of life as we know it.

Subject: BS: Chongo Condolences
From: Raptor
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 05:49 PM

I only feel bad that you were not comfortable with you true self and let us know the real you.

You should have come to us for help.

We could have helped you get off drugs if we'd only knew.

When Little Hawk gets over this denile phase we'll help him too.

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Raptor
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 05:45 PM

I know a lot of you are disilusioned by this bad news but don't take it out on the messenger

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Raptor
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 05:43 PM

Thats just sad. Someone claiming to be Chongo just to keep Little Hawks spirits alive.

I think that Little Hork had a thing for the ape.
Mabey thats where he got the bad Heroin. I thought LH had a thing for goats!

This is all too disturbing.

But given the circumstances I guess you'd want to cover up such a nasty death.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 05:01 PM

Chongo is perfectly all right. But I'll tell you what scares me...the fear that one day I will open the 'Cat and see a thread saying: "Obit: William Shatner"

That would be like...

like....

well, words just fail me.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:57 PM

Geez. What a day...

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:38 PM

You oughta know.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:38 PM

Rumours of my passin' are wildly exaggerated. Lemme tell you a thing or two about Raptor. Number one, the guy's a total f*ckup from the word "go". All he does on a daily basis, besides harassin' the female population of Ontario, is sit around like a big, fat lump watchin' "Trailer Park Boys", "The Sopranos", and cheap porno. He hadda turn the whole city of Barrie upsidedown just to find a chair with springs strong enough to hold out under his weight! If Raptor had black hair, and more of it, he would look a lot like yer typical pool hall gorilla...the kind that would sell his own mother's gold teeth without blinkin'. Raptor is a guy who has personally assaulted frogs, and aided and abetted in the kidnapping of a famous showbiz personality who IS a frog. I have witnesses to back me up on that. Raptor is a sick puppy, and he reads books about stuff like that too. Raptor is jealous of me, because I can still fit into a size 16 shirt and button it up afterward.

One other thing. Raptor loves golf. He is crazy about it. He wants to turn the whole world into a golf course. But he can't play it worth a damn. He triple bogies every hole. His handicap is 118. This has turned him bitter and hostile against the world. That's why he started this thread, I figure.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Once Famous
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:31 PM

Good, I'm glad he is dead. He smelled bad and he was butt-fuck ugly.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Raptor
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:27 PM

Ya think ya Know someone...

Little Hawk will be very distrought.

Such sordid details.

Mabeyt we shouldn't tell him.

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:18 PM

Is it a primate funeral?
G ☺☻

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:04 PM

Didn't Rod Sewtart front the faeces?

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:02 PM

And you don't spell faeces like that either. It's spelt POO.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: OBIT: Chongo the Chimp.
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:01 PM

There's some mistake; a chimp is not a monkey.