BS: I Say,I Say,I Say

Subject: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: jimlad9
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:25 AM

I say, I say,I say my wife has gone to the West Indies.
Jamaica?.
No! she went of her own accord
_________________________________________________________________
I say,I say,I say my dog has no nose
How does he smell?.
Terrible!.
________________________________________________________________
I say,I say,I say my wheelie-bin is full of Toadstools.
How do you know?.
Well there's not Mushroom inside.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:07 AM

I say, I say, I say,
This dustbin is full of Lilies!
How do you know they're lilies?
'Cos Lily's wearin' 'em.


I say, This bin's got a police-dog in it.
How do you know its'a police-dog?
There's a policeman with it!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:35 AM

There's no need to say it three times, I heard you the first time, I'm not deaf!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:41 AM

I say, I say, can I bring my dog up on your bus?
Certainly sir!
Uurrggghhhhh.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:42 AM

I say I say I say, what's the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and a public toilet.
I don't know, what is the ...........................toilet?
The Whitehall theatre is for Arts and Farces!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 11:10 AM

Georgiansilver, you could have said what is the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and the House of Commons... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 11:30 AM

What's the difference between the Millennium Dome (failed casino venue) and John Prescott?

One of them is a hugely expensive and ridiculous waste of space and should be got rid of, to avoid any further loss to the taxpayer...

...and the other is a building on the Thames.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM

I say, I say, I say do you have Prince Albert in a can?
I do indeed.
Well, you best let him out, old chap. Queen Vicki's missing her nightly shagging something awful. And he needs to cleanse his piercing, doesn't he?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,Can't tell jokes.
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 11:46 AM

So, is your wife going to Jamaica...

(Ooops!)

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 12:18 PM

I say I say I say, what's the difference between Camilla Parker-Bowles and a belligerent baby?
A belligerent baby chucks Farleys!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: jimlad9
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 12:32 PM

I say,I say,I say Whats the difference between a cross-eyed cowboy and a constipated owl ?
A cross-eyed cowboy shoots and shoots and can't hit...................
_________________________________________________________________
I say,I say,I say Whats the difference between a Barrow-Boy and a Dachshund?
A Barrow-Boy bawls out his wares on the pavement........................
__________________________________________________________________
I say,I say,I say how many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
I don't know it has never been tried
----------------------------------------------------------
I say,I,say,I,say whats the difference between a slice of bread and the entire French male poulation
You can make soldiers out of bread

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 01:24 PM

IS IS IS What's the difference between a dressmaker and a melodeon player?

One tucks-up yer frills

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 01:29 PM

What, only in England, you say? GOOD!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:59 PM

Thanks for posting. you gave me my first smile of the day.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:59 PM

I say, have you heard that Sir Reginald is living in a tree in Borneo with an orangatang?

Male or female??

Female, of course! Nothing queer about Sir Reginald!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: fat B****rd
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:13 PM

I SAY, I SAY I SAY

I shot my dog the other day

Was he mad ?

Well, he wasn't too pleased.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: John O'L
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:10 PM

Where's my tiger's head?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:11 PM

I say, I say, I say, have you lived around here all your life?

Not yet.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:15 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Nothing like British humour! Keep 'em comin'!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Joybell
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:39 PM

Cluin's one is Rural American. Put the I say I say in front of the lines in the Arkansaw Traveller and you've got American ones.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:51 PM

I like the John Prescott one; are there any more?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Gurney
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:59 PM

I say, I say, I say, Whats the difference between a good vacuum cleaner and a Swiss admiral?



A good vacuum cleaner sucks and never fails!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: frogprince
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:01 PM

What's the difference between a mailbox and an outhouse?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: frogprince
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:01 PM

Never mind, I'll mail it myself.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 04:49 AM

Is IS IS....
The other day, whilst on Safari in Kenya, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.

How the hell he got into my pyjamas, I'll never know!

BTW, MY wife went to Indonisia

Jakarta?

No, she sailed there!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 05:39 AM

I say I say I say, what's the difference between a good egg and a good screw?
You can beat a good egg!

I say I say I say young lady, what is the difference between sex and conversation?
I don't know, what is the diff....... ...... .... .....ion?
I see we must have a long chat (or perhaps I should give you a stiff talking to!)

I say I say I say, what's the difference between a nun in Church and a nun in the bath?
A nun in Church has a soul full of hope!

I say I say I say, what is the difference between hard and light?
You can go to sleep with the light on!

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 08:07 AM

I say, etc. (I typed 'etc.' there to save me typing out 'I say, I say, I say' in full).

What's the difference between a bodhran player and Radox bath salts?

Radox bucks up the feet.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:48 AM

Where's my tiger's head?

Four foot from 'is tail.


I say, I say, I say, what is the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
The pizza feeds a family of four.

I say, I say, I say, if tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make foghorns out of?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:58 AM

I say, I say, I say, if tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make foghorns out of?

Aha, I'm been wanting to know the answer to this one for years - I could never make out what the bloke says on the record :-)

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Wolfgang
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 12:08 PM

I can't really contribute to this thread for our jokes of this type for obvious reasons cannot be translated and remain jokes.

What's the difference between a train and a woman's hand?
A train moves in a hard way over the switches.

(I told you it doesn't work.)

But I've got a question.
We start with "What's the difference between..."
All your jokes remain jokes without the "I say, I say, I say..." opening. So what's the significance or meaning of that opening?

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 12:16 PM

Hi Wolfgang.
The I say I say I say was used a lot in Old English Music Halls back in Victorian/Edwardian days.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 12:17 PM

It's a verbal equivalent of a wink, Wolf. A way of saying "Here comes a joke!"

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Dead Horse
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:50 PM

I say, I say, I say, Can a woman with a wooden leg change a five pound note?
I dunno, can she?
Of course not, she's only got half a knicker !

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:32 PM

I say, I say, I say,... the state of morals among the young, today. I, for one, never had sex with my wife before we were married. How about you?

I don't know. What was her maiden name?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:37 PM

I say, I say, I say, this viagra's a wonderful drug. A wonder drug, it is!

What does your wife think?

I dunno. Haven't gone home yet.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Alec
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:46 PM

I say,I say,I say,Did you here that the French have perfected a new Tank?
16 reverse gears & 1 forward one in case they get attacked from behind.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 06:41 AM

Scrump... the answer is allegedly "Fog Off"

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 06:55 AM

What's the difference between a train and a woman's hand?
A train moves in a hard way over the switches.

(I told you it doesn't work.)

Hahahahahahahaha! Good one, Wolfgang! :-)

I'd be interested to know what makes it funny in German though, even if the joke would not be funny itself in English. Presumably the word for 'switches' in German has some other meaning?

Anyway, it reminds me of The Funniest Joke In The World

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:40 AM

I Say,I Say,I Say,   What do you call a cow that can't have a calf







Decaffinated

I Say,I Say,I Say, What Did The Elephant Say To The Naked Man?










How Do You Eat With That Thing?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:00 AM

Scrump - Wolfgang's joke can't work in any other language. The German "Weichen" can mean "switches" or "soft ones" ...

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:33 AM

Thanks Wilfried - you answered my question. I now understand why it's funny in German :-)

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: The Doctor
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 10:21 AM

The only other 'j' joke, to go with Jamaica and Jakarta, that I came up with was this: I met a fabulous girl in this port in northern Italy.
                Genoa?
                No, I'd never seen her before in my life.

Also: What's the difference between a duck?
      One of its legs is both the same.

There is no answer to the foghorn question.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Scrump
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 10:42 AM

There is, it's on the record, but somebody plays the drums over the answer, so I can't hear what it is. I've wanted to know for years.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Michael
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 11:26 AM

I thought everybody knew the answer to the 'Foghorn Question';

you don't even have to think about it.


It's a foghorn conclusion.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: autolycus
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:07 PM

I say,I say. I say.do you know what they say about Americans?

   No,what do they say........Americans?


   What they can't eat, they can.





       Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: jeffp
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 02:47 PM

The way I learned that one is, "We eat what we can and what we can't, we can.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: The Doctor
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 03:34 PM

I have just played my copy of 'Does your chewing gum lose its flavour?' and what follows the foghorn question is 'Boom, boom!' Maybe there are other, different recordings.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Blindlemonsteve
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 04:06 PM

I say I say I say, My Grandad used to eat Hammers in the circus

Was he Professional

No, he was an ammer chewer

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 05:09 PM

I say, I say I say, How many wives have you had?
What? Um. . You mean my own?

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: bubblyrat
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:33 PM

What"s the difference between a Magicians Wand, and a Policeman"s Truncheon ??
A Magician"s Wand is for Cunning Stunts !!-----

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: tarheel
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 05:04 PM

i say,i say,i say......what is the difference between the Prostitute, the nympho and the housewife?

the prostitute says.."aren't you done yet?"

and the nympho says..."you done already?"

but the housewife says..."honey,next week let's paint the ceiling green!"

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 05:10 PM

I say, I say, I say, does this road go all the way to Swansea?
No, guv, I've been standing `ere all day, and it `asn't gone nowheres yet.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Bainbo
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 05:23 PM

I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - is this bus going to Dagenham?
I don't think so, sir. It's never daggened anyone before.

I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - is this the Barking bus?
No madam, This one just goes Toot Toot.

I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - does this bus stop at the Embankment?
If not, sir, there'll be a hell of a splash.

I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - is this bus going to Clapham?
Only if they're very good, sir.

I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - do you stop at the Dorchester?
What, on my wages?


Ay theng yeow.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Wolfgang
Date: 04 Feb 07 - 05:31 AM

A woman's hand softly strokes a hard on

is what a German hears as the not displayed second line. Wilfried has already explained the double meaning of "Weiche". A third meaning would be "retreat!" or "give way!". I wonder if that could be used in a joke...


Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:17 AM

Oh my, Wolfgang - in this joke only substantives in the plural can stand, not an imperative in the singular!

Let's discuss it over at Kiel.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 04:48 AM

What are the differences between, Prince Charles, A monkey, a bald man & an orphan?

Prince Charles is the heir apparent
The monkey has a hairy parent
The Bald man has no hair apparent
The orphan has n'ere a parent

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Lox
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 07:50 AM

Wolfgang

I liked it when it was untranslateable - was the funniest thing written on this thread - apart from Wilfrieds grammatic correction.

What's going on? - two germans exchanging witticisms laced with irony? - completely unaided? - and funny? ;-D

More more!


PS


First person singular articulates, first person singular articulates, first person singular articulates,

My dog has no tail.

How do you know when he's happy?

He stops biting me.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 08:39 AM

Lox - thanks for the appreciation. Wolfgang can sometimes be very funny, but here he failed in the correct choice of words.
To renew your joy I give it in a more understandable form (so I hope), a translation verbatim of this eternal joke:

What is the difference between a locomotive and a female hand?

The locomotive strikes hard over the switches, and the female hand strikes softly over ... (the German Weichen is a homphone for switches and soft ones.

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: The Walrus
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM

I say, I say, I say,
What's the difference between a counterfeit US dollar and a supermodel?


The first is a phoney buck....(write the rest yourself)

Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say
From: Lox
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 07:36 PM

Ah ... a sexist joke ... I knew you were a homophone ... (?)

You can expect a call on the telephobe ... (Atishoo!)

The difference between a train and a womans hand ...

You are supposed to find bogey's on a train ... (?)

A train is meant to pull you off at the station ... (?)

They both pull out when they see you coming ... (?)

A womans hand is more likely to "weichen" your resolve (??????)

You don't want a train going over your points (!!!!!!!!!!!!)




(that will do)