LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 08:31 AM

How wonderful! Thanks for telling us about it.
Now you can savor it forever.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 09:56 PM

We've had a WONDERFUL day!!!!!

My mom and I took Veronica shopping for baby clothes and for a few outfits for her too. She's been craving pizza so we took her (and Pete too) to an all you can eat pizza buffet....15 different kinds of pizza, salad, pasta....whatever she wanted!!! We talked and talked...lots of laughter....a really nice afternoon!!! Later Veronica and I went to church...about a 40 minute drive....and we had some really good conversations...on the way home, it was one of those conversations where we could have driven long into the night. We stopped in the middle of our country road, put the car in park, turned off all the lights and sat admiring the stars and talking.

I got sick twice today but was determined to not let it ruin our visit.

It's been a day I will remember for a very long time.

Michelle :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:28 PM

So you slept well too. Veronica is the best thing that could happen to you right now. It is wonderful that she has found her way. At seventeen she has her whole exciting life ahead of her. So do you.
Love to you. Pete and Veronica.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:13 AM

The house is quiet. My husband is outside with the dogs doing his chores and Veronica is somewhere in dreamland. It's an incredible feeling just to know she's in the house, safe and happy. :)

I learned a lot about the boyfriend yesterday and as it turns out, she's picked a quiet boy....much like my husband. She has plans for the future that are reasonable and within reach for her and I am so very proud of the young woman that she has become!!!! She is absolutely beautiful inside and out!!!!!

For the first time in what feels like forever, I woke up thinking about something besides the cancer. My first thought was that Veronica is here, in our home and I stayed in bed just a little longer smiling to myself in the sunshine.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:00 AM

Been in Cognito for a few busy days but I'm so happy to see you and Veronica so happy! Tell us more when you're ready!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 01:17 AM

Good luck with all of that, Michelle! Your port and your cup runneth over! ;-D

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 08:03 PM

Where did the rest of my post go???

I am laughing and crying for both of you. Enjoy every minute together.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 08:01 PM

I remember those days, Mi

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 07:55 PM

Veronica is sitting across the living room from me typing away on her laptop!!!! We picked her up at the bus station this afternoon and on the 2 hour ride home, we chatted non-stop. We stopped for a nice dinner, got home, introduced the dogs to Veronica and are now happily relaxing...some chit chat but also just sitting, enjoying each other a a moment to breathe.

I have to tell you...I am exhausted but I don't care. I am about the happiest woman in the world to have my Veronica sitting in the same room with me. She is absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable.

I never thought this day would come.

:) :) :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 06:42 PM

Michelle, the most important work you have to do is take care of yourself. I know you know that, but it never hurts to be reminded. We women have a tendency, imo, of putting ourselves last and then getting into trouble, even if it is well-meant. It is important that you feel free to disregard any of our suggestions and not feel overwhelmed by them. And, feel free to tell us to back off if it comes to that.*bg*

It is really neat you are going to see Veronica esp. when you are having such good days. TWO wigs you like? Whoo-hoo!

More good sleep to you and a fun-filled weekend.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 02:21 PM

Nice to hear the update upbeat!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 01:09 PM

Morning check in Michelle.
Today will be a great day for you. You will have your "baby" back. Enjoy every minute together.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 12:54 PM

sorry, corrected post

===

LF, as you have probably gathered from knowing me for a number of years, sometimes what I pass along is not meant as "I say do this now," but is conveyed as info only--for possible use later and always guided by your own best thinking.

In that vein, a comment in a recent post of yours has had me thinking (reflecting, praying, cogitating). And it was a comment about going forward with a child. My vote is to go for it. One huge reason is that the chemo thing-- this whole struggle-- is in so many ways the perfect preparation for raising a small one. It's the stuff no book larnin' or professional experience (which I know you have in abundance) can teach you.

Most of us parental beings learn that stuff with our first child, and then relax for the second, etc. You will have a leg up on that, because that first year's learning for most new parents is about enjoying time, strategizing HOW to meet all the REAL needs, and not sweating the small stuff.

The cancer role models you listed so eloquently (were your teeth gritted?), and the learnings you listed, add up not only to a CA survivor-- but to a fine parent so many first-time parents must yet learn to be.


So please, on behalf of a world full of f*cked-up kids raised by well-meaning amateurs, share all that and pass it along to some kids, in some way-- if possible, in the home and life you have been building for them.


Oh, and Pete? On his own? What makes you think he'd be left on his own? :~)

~Susan

CC You Know Who (YKW)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: Rowan
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:25 PM

Good night all!!!
And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.


Well, Mudcat is a music forum.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 10:08 PM

Mission sleep accomplished. Today was a good day, still some lingering leg pain but better. I went to lunch with some church friends, visited another friend, ran into another local friend who is going through chemo...we compared port experiences and side effects...strange thing to do I suppose but it feels good to be able to share that with someone who is there. She had a rough time with her port too. I've decided that they must place the port according to what chemo treatment you get. Her tubing goes close to her heart, my goes in my neck. Let's see...then I did some grocery shopping...used a sled to haul the bags of stuff down the hill to the house. We don't have snow but it slides equally well on all the mud!!!!

Tomorrow we go to get Veronica at a bus station about 2 hours away...I can't wait to see her and from her emails to me, I think she's feeling the same way!!!! I can't wait to wrap my arms around her!!!! Anyway, she's good for my spirits!!!!

About the sleep stuff....I get that rest, even while awake, can be healing but my body was feeling so heavy and cranky and tired....just bone weary tired...I desperately needed that night of sleep. It was SO good to wake up and feel refreshed.....to just lay in bed and listen to the birds and feel my body go ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Good night all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:42 AM

corrected post

===

JUST for LF--

As an FYI, to consider--

There are times when you can just trust that you will sleep when you really need to. (Some of that sleep happens when we think we are awake-- dreaming that we are up. You oughtta see us-- Fr CS will swear he's been up all night when I'VE been "up all night reading" and hearing him snore.)

As long as you do not have to drive, tend a small baby, be in court, work, or dispose of a dead body, it's actually OK not to sleep. A week of that punctuated by a night of sleep-aids is actually "enough" as long as we are not required by circumstance to be at our best.

It will feel like crap, but it IS part of the rhythm. You can just practice relaxing during the duh-time, or put your attention on something engaging and positive. My own experience has been that when I do that (Folk College WAS that), I am as well-rested as if I had slept deeply.

It counts as HEALING rest.

I am sure this post all FEELS like bullshit-- I KNOW it will to 99% of you-- but I know lots of folks living it. Me included.

~Susan
cc: Fr CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:12 AM

Sleep, Michelle. You have earned it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:02 AM

Love and lullabyes, my dear!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 05:09 AM

love & best wishes for some soothing sleep

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 10:45 PM

No sleep last night. No sleep today except for a 30 minute snooze on Mom's couch. It's getting to be that time of day and I've made sure that I'm in comfy jammies, that the room is cool and I took an Ambien about an hour ago. I decided I'd give it 2 more tries and if it doesn't work, then I'll ask for something else.

I'm so tired that my body is just heavy.

Went to a cancer support meeting today.....a woman spoke about surviving ovarian cancer....had to choke back some tears....had to leave the room once (got sick) but overall, I'm glad I went. I got to meet people who I only ever talk to on the phone, I cut loose and went bald...talked to lots of people, learned new things and had a good time!

I wish they met more than the once a month...what an incredible group of people.

Ok...I'm off to bed.

Much love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 10:14 PM

Did ya sleep today, darlin'? Sounds as though you might have overdone it just a bit, yesterday.:-) It is wonderful to see you so *up* though!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 09:54 AM

This poem was written by Mary Oliver, one of my favorite poets. I think it's fitting for the luscious spring day!

Spring

Somewhere
a black bear
has just risen from sleep
and is staring

down the mountain.
All night
in the brisk and shallow restlessness
of early spring

I think of her,
her four black fists
flicking the gravel,
her tongue

like a red fire
touching the grass,
the cold water.
There is only one question:

how to love this world.
I think of her
rising
like a black and leafy ledge

to sharpen her claws against
the silence
of the trees.
Whatever else

my life is
with its poems
and its music
and its cities,

it is also this dazzling darkness
coming
down the mountain,
breathing and tasting;

all day I think of her –
her white teeth,
her wordlessness,
her perfect love.


~ Mary Oliver ~


(House of Light)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 03:42 AM

Micelle

You need "em dolphins"... read my pm and you will understand what I mean. They are very relaxing.

Get Pete to lightly caress your back and neck. Tickling light.

You will see what I mean.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 03:13 AM

Michelle, I was in hospital last year for sleep tests & was too exhausted to sleep!

I nod & doze a lot (which is why I stopped driving 30 years ago not long after I got my licence!) & my Dr thought I might have epilepsy so sent me to a specialist who tested & scanned & decided I didn't quite fit the symptoms so sent me to the Epilepsy Neurology (sp?) Dept at a nearby hospital for overnight tests so they could see what my brain waves were doing when I nodded or dozed.

Due to lack of staff I wasn't covered with electrodes when I arrived, so eventually I slept (& I use that word loosely) untethered in the worse & narrowest bed in the world, with the worse pillows in the world.

The staff who were going to tether me as soon as they arrived at 7.30am finally arrived mid morning & stuck electrodes all over my head, in hair almost long enough to sit on! & I spent the rest of the day desperately tired but unable to nod off or even sleep.

They wanted to keep me in another night when I was only booked in for 2 days & 1 night, & would remove the electrodes immediately at 7.30 when staff arrived.

I had plans for the following day & did not expect the staff to arrive at 7.30am as they were short staffed, & besides I needed to sleep in a proper bed with proper comfy pillows ...

So I went home.

and slept.

sleep tight, Michelle

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 12:49 AM

How is it possible to be so exhausted and not able to sleep?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 09:39 PM

It's been a good day!!!

I feel good!

Two wigs that I like!

A day out with my mom!!

YOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:18 AM

Michelle. There you are!

THANK YOU.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:00 AM

As for it looking a little different now...of course it does. I'm the one in the big chair. I'm the one covered in bruises, the one who can't sleep peacefully, the one who has to leave some places because the smell makes me sick, the one who craves pie, asks for it, Pete makes it and then I can't eat it, the one who loves to bend her body into pretzels and can't do it anymore...at least for now, the one who has to look at the port needle so I'm sure no medical professional ever puts in a different kind of needle (port needles are thick, bent and a little over an inch long...scary looking things), the one who has to now ask for rides and help, the one who had to think just this morning if she had enough energy to ride to Wegmans and go to lunch, the one who has to schedule time with friends according to when her immune system is up and even then it's a crap shot to if I'm feeling well. I could go on and it's not a pity party...it's just the fact of my life at this moment.

Now I'm the one who has to decide if I'm well enough and will be well enough to bring a baby into this house. Will I be able to care for a baby properly for a long time to come? Would Pete be ok raising a baby on his own if need be? I'm the one who has to remember now that the cancer is gone. It is OUT OF MY BODY. Chemo, harsh though it may be, is a preventative in my situation. I am going through this to wipe out any remote possibility of any lingering microscopic cells in my body. I know it's working too as my hair has all but fallen out completely....it's killing the fast growing hair cells and it's killing any other fast growing cells too...INCLUDING CANCER CELLS.

Sometimes I take photos of where I am in my treatment from right where I'm sitting....in a hospital bed, in the chemo chair, in the car....but just a photo of what I can see from where I sit....this is my life kind of photo.

One of the largest differences being in the cancer seat instead of a friend/family/caregiver seat is that I have to make the decision every day to get up and live my life, focus on what is good, to enjoy my day and not take it for granted. I am thankful for every second that I am feeling well, all the laughter I can find and all the love in my life.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:57 AM

Yes it is.
I remember speaking with Rick Fielding at the Getaway about a phone call years earlier. I wanted to be sure he understood what was going on in my life when he called. He smiled and said very simply and gently "Mary, that doesn't matter."

So a benefit of cancer is figuring out what matters. That works.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:39 AM

What did I learn from others who went before me?

My first thought is that I learned to not hesitate in my treatment. My sweetest great, great aunt had signs, really obvious signs that something was wrong and yet she opted to not go to the Dr. As a result, she died.

I learned from a woman named Grace who I used to deliver Meals on Wheels to that it really is up to each person to decide if they want to seek medical treatment. Although I disagreed with her, she had watched her husband suffer through medical tortures for 8 years in search of a way to help him live longer. She did not want to put herself through that and decided to just live each day as it came on her own terms. I developed an intense respect for her.....not so much of an understanding in agreement kind of way, but an understanding that maybe some people CHOOSE NOT to get treatment for their own reasons based on something other than fear.

Al. A man who lived life in a BIG way. He worked hard and played harder. When he found out he had cancer, he made a visit to Father Cootiesniffer and set whatever things right that he had in mind. I know he suffered greatly in his final days. I don't know what I learned from his being sick other than losing someone you love that much hurts for years and his picture still remains beside my mother's bed.

Jackie. Never knew she was sick until she was almost gone. She chose to keep things to herself and that's ok too. We all have to deal with this the best we know how...for her, it was keeping things tucked away.

Bette. Bette never gave up. She went through countless treatments, sought out second and third opinions, she spent months recooperating from certain procedures and she kept going. She went to auctions, she made the annual trip to the lake with her gal pals, she kept teaching and coaching, she had her portrait taken in her favorite colors, she went out without her hat when she was bald....her spirit was always UP. I found myself sometimes thinking that I couldn't imagine she was sick.....she sparkled and laughed. And then one day, she just couldn't do it anymore and she was gone. Her body gave out long before her spirit did.

I met someone yesterday at Matt Baker's office while I was getting my handicapped sticker (yep...temporary for the days when my bones hurt)...she helped me fill out the paperwork (can't write much at a time for now as my fingers all tingle and are kinda numbish) and when I went to leave, she gave me a card to keep in my wallet that lists all the things that cancer can't do.

I spent over an hour on the phone yesterday with a woman who will be speaking on Wednesday night at American Cancer Support Group Meeting (at SSMH if you want to go). She and I actually connected through a friend of a friend when I first started down this road. She is a teacher of nurses...she knows the technical nitty gritty stuff and she often scared me with information, although it really was stuff I needed to know. Now, she answers my questions that I have after being entrenched in this stuff. Are my bones becoming brittle due to this treatment that hurts me so much? Can I take XYZ vitamins? How do I stop this? What do you think of that? She is a source of information, love, prayer, encouragement and firm believer in passing it forward. She is a survivor of ovarian cancer, staged higher than mine...10 years now and going strong. She is an inspiration to me and I am thankful for her.

Tracy. A new friend with a Stage 4 diagnosis who does everything with grand style and a blunt attitude that lays it all on the line, telling it like it is and making the daily choice to get in as much fun as she can.

There are more people, for sure.....Kristy, the mother of 4 with Stage 4 cancer and her husband who sits calmly beside her in chemo....both of them calm, full of love and openness to talk to a newbie who is so scared she can't breathe.

I could go on and on....all these people with so much to offer and have been given a crap hand to deal with...they inspire me and help me to find the calm within myself when I'm just about absolutely sure there isn't any calm left anymore.

If I've learned anything at all so far, it's that the things you THINK are important, ususally aren't with the exception of your faith and love of those around you. All that petty stuff? All those deadlines? All those bills that are due? Snide comments from people in a huff? All the inconviences? They are nothing.

The hand to hold during a painful procedure? A card in the mail? A long hug and a box of Kleenes? Someone saying a prayer for you? Laughing until you cry? Someone who calls every day to check on you? Someone who doesn't get frustrated when you cry? Someone who rejoices in a good blood test result? Someone who drives you to your appointment even though you are sobbing like a baby and screaming that you don't want to go without telling me to shut up? Someone who makes sure you have something to eat when you can't manage to get enough oomph to get yourself to the kitchen, let alone cook something? Someone who will go out of their way to pick up some groceries for you or a prescription? Someone who remembers to ask the Dr. questions that you wanted to ask but forgot? And someone who will let you fall completely into their arms when the world is so painful and scary and offer you nothing but love and reassurance?

THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:01 AM

LF, these scary dreams are normal, tho of course upsetting, but the one about everyone you love being sick... it came to me this AM to ask if it might be helpful to you (at some point) to write something.

I'm thinking how you and Bonnie have lost so many dear ones to cancer. [wincing, speaking softly] In our community, as you know, we all stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us. Sweetie, those dear ones were your role models... how they lived, how they battled, how they grew in grace.... how beautiful they were...

Might it help you, now, to write them "thank you notes" praising what you learned from each of them? Privately, or here.... a tribute from which others might also learn in the future. Yeah, I know, thoughts like that were probably part of your Relay for Life times.... but it looks a little different, now?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:57 AM

You are a beautiful lady, in every sense of the world. Bless you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:26 AM

Happy Tuesday all. I am a work and can't access the pictures. Tonight.

Might not be a bad idea to keep a dream diary, Michelle. Write it down as soon as you wake up. There are details that fade within minutes. After a few weeks you'll see patterns and motifs reappearing. It may give you some insight into what your mind is trying to process while you sleep.
Some of your fears are obvious; others may be much subtler. The diary gives you a bit of control over the process.

So good to see you happy!
Enjoy!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:03 AM

GO TAM!!!

   I won't post!!!

Severn, I LOVE the way you shared your bald head with the world. I pretty much keep it under a hat unless I'm at home, with family or ONCE I braved an out of town dinner with no hat. The only person who really looked hard at me was a man wearing a really bad wig!!! LOL

    The port incision has healed up nicely and I may be able to go swimming within the next couple of days! The nick where the tubing went in hasn't quite healed up....it's still ugly but it is healed enough to hit the pool!

    Rowan...I was pretty battered when they finished and OMGosh I was SORE.....only in my neck area though. The port area was tender but nothing like the pain in my neck. Thankfully, that has subsided. The tubing lets me know it's there if I look up too fast or stretch my chin to high to reach for a kiss from my husband, but otherwise, it's doing well AND really does make a BIG difference (positively) in getting my chemo. :)

    The picture of me showing the port scars is kind of haunting to me. I know I still have weight to lose but my body and my face look so thin to me...and pale. And yeah, I think my eyes, in that photo, are expressing concern. My mom tells me it doesn't look like me anymore.

    Had another bizarre dream last night. This time I was at the hospital and they were going to plunge a thick needle into my heart for a biopsy. I got up off the table and ran away. Then I woke up for a few hours! Feel back to sleep and had a much better dream about a friend who passed 11 years ago....it was good to see him!!!

   It looks to be the beginning of a beautiful spring day and I'm feeling good!!!!!! YAY

Enjoy the day everybody!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 03:38 AM

oops... I meant Kat

OK nobody post next... save number 700 for Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 03:36 AM

Sandra - I left much the same comment on that picture. Who can look at the scar when your eyes are hogging the scene.

Michelle has the most wonderful eyes.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Severn
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 02:52 AM

One day in the shower, getting ready to go to the Wharf Rat shanty sing in Baltimore, my hair started coming out in uneven clumps, so I headed out to get it all shaved off. I put on a big Irish tweed cap and went to the sing.

I introduced my head to the public in song. They gave me the second song of the night and I changed the words to the shanty I was belting out in the last verse where I swept off my cap and sang:

I'm a bald headed son
Of the Wild Goose Nation

Haul away, haul away,
haul away, hold HARD!

And I got this way
From my Chemo medication

Haul away me boys,
Haul away!

There exists a photo taken by Catter wincingdevil that shows the hat just pulled off of my newly bald head and a number of the crowd gasping. There was another picture taken at the next weeks sing that had me singing with wincingdevil and Brad Howard from Pyrates Royale, with the three chrome-domed men dubbed "The Annapolis Pawn Shop Trio". I'll try to find a way to bring them up from wincingdevil's site. Unlike you, Michelle, I didn't have a port to show those seadogs and shedogs at the Nautical Sings (and others)...

Just unveil it with a flourish and act proud.

Of course, in a couple of months the timing between chemo sessions ended up as such that I stopped being able to make sings, for the most part, as the dishrag days increased.

And yes, of course, renewal time came up and my driver's liscence still has a picture to remind me, so I keep a much hairier picture on a Visa Card opposite it in my wallet.

More chemo sobby-stories to come....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 12:46 AM

The one of you with the port is stunning...so much expression on your face. You are so beautiful, esp. your eyes and smile...there IS much grace there.

what Kat said! But I couldn't have put it so well. I was thinking that would be the picture to be carried in a wallet (pocketbook)

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: Rowan
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 12:38 AM

Well, LF, the after effects of your port looked a bit more serious than anything I'd come across. With luck you'll get used to the meds and their weep-inducing abilities may fade. It's hard to predict because every type of cancer is different (along with their relevant meds) and for every ten people with the same-named cancer there's likely to be ten variations on how they affect those with that cancer.

A bit like adolescence, or aging or learning or most other things that are important to us.

But you sound, overall, like you're on a winning streak; all power to your elbow! Again!

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 09:25 PM

Michelle, thanks for the pix. The one of you with the port is stunning...so much expression on your face. You are so beautiful, esp. your eyes and smile...there IS much grace there. Amazing woman is what you are, m'dear.

Veronica looks beautiful, too. Please do NOT feel any pressure about her visit, pix, etc. WE can be patient! :-) If you only have her for the weekend and, depending on how you feel, if all you can manage is to be home and visit with her, I think that would be wonderful and good for you and her. Sometimes being alone with someone we love so much can be best, esp. when it's only for a short time.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:31 PM

I received a package today from a local women's cancer group...it contained a small angel made of baby yarn....kinda of like a corn doll but made of pink and white yarn that is SO SOFT. :) I feel loved.

Also, I added some photos of Veronica today...ones from when she lived here a few years back and of more recent ones that she has shared with me. I will definitely share photos from when she is here...no worries about that!!!

Lily's Photos

Love you guys!!!!

Michelle who listened to Allison's CD today....the first one you sent....besides the singing, I absolutely love the drumming!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 12:28 PM

I know YOU plan to have pix but make no mistake WE want them too. But only IF Veronica is willing to be seen. I'll settle for a pic of you LOOKING AT her-- she can take that one! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 09:50 AM

I finally signed up for Flickr and have downloaded just a few pictures this morning...thought you might like to see them! My friend Kate likes to call these: Grace Under Fire (which I love!).

Lily's Photos

Be warned! Goofy Bald Person Ahead!


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:51 AM

As you know, dreams reflect the thoughts and feelings and anxieties rolling round our minds. And the meds can magnify the feelings and the tendency to dream!

Hang in there, sweetie-

Do you know about Dinotopia? Wonderful books with wonderful illustrations, but the best thing about them was the blessing spoken on parting: Breathe deep, seek peace.

It is often my middle-of-the-night mantra.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:34 AM

Very restless and emotionally draining night last night. I kept dreaming that all the people I love had cancer. I dreamed the Pete had to get a port and being that that procedure was especially hard for me, that freaked me out. I woke up crying 4 times last night. FOUR.

Something with me is so off (let the jokes begin)....very weepy. I know it's the meds. It has to be the meds.

I need a decent night's sleep. SOON.

Michelle

PS. About Veronica and photos....are you kidding? LOL It'll be worse than prom night here with all the cameras going off!!!! And that hug? I can't wait for it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:24 AM

I bet that first hug from Veronica will do more good towards your healing than anything else in the world. Those years of stability with you were not wasted, Michelle. She is stronger for it. Enjoy every minute with her. And yes - we want pictures.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 07:10 AM

Re: Vee/Sat

I bet you can figure out how to convey for us how much we would LOVE to see her, without it being any pressure. GET PIX!!!!

~The CSs

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 06:49 PM

ditto

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 03:51 PM

Keep up the good work, Michelle. Taking advantage of those high spots will help the process pass faster.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 03:01 PM

Just back from an adventure at Walmart and the new Tractor Store. Lots of places to sit in the Tractor store so that went well. At WallyWorld, I used a scooter....not only was it fun but it handled well and I got all of my shopping done (Pete helped). I saw lots of people and I think I spent more time visiting than shopping.

It was good to get out!

Benefit of chemo: I can only eat 2 (at the most) Milano cookies at a time...where as I used to inhale a good portion of the bag!

And Veronica? She is 17 now and gorgeous. Her birth mother has made sure that her life is a mess but I think she's handling herself rather well. I don't know if she'll want to come to church on Saturday or not....I'm hoping she will but yes, it is her call! I can't wait to hug her close!!!!!!!!!   

Michelle