Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Mrrzy Date: 29 Sep 22 - 07:50 PM Oscar Brand. Ay, ayayay... |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST Date: 29 Sep 22 - 06:41 AM A variation on one above: There once was a plumber from Leigh, Plumbing his girl by the sea. Said the girl, "Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming!" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "IT'S ME!!!" |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST, CJB Date: 29 Sep 22 - 03:07 AM Any limericks about Megs & Hasbeen? |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST,Ray Date: 25 Sep 22 - 08:12 AM There was a young woman from Bude Who went for a swim in a lake A man in a punt, stuck his pole in her ear And said “You can’t swim here, it’s Private” Oft’ used, and presumably written,by the late Tony Capstick |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Joe_F Date: 24 Sep 22 - 06:36 PM There once was a Scottish musician Who preferred 69 to coition. Said he, with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, "It's all part of our oral tradition.' |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Georgiansilver Date: 24 Sep 22 - 03:41 PM There was a young man from Hunts, Who stood on a bridge at Buckingham, Watching the stunts of the cunts in the punts And the tricks of the pricks that were fucking'em. |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: John MacKenzie Date: 24 Sep 22 - 02:04 PM Sad to note how many of the contributors to this thread are no longer with us :( |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST,Billyboyblueeyes Date: 24 Sep 22 - 01:09 PM Bill loves Linda's tight twat But Dorothy's he has forgot not Which he does entreat To insert his large meat In Dorothy's hot twat quite a lot |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST,Billyboyblueeyes Date: 24 Sep 22 - 01:01 PM Bill gets into Linda's pants Makes her sweet pussy dance To the tune of his cock Together they both rock To a climax they quickly advance |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Bugsy Date: 12 Nov 18 - 02:28 AM Hi Stewie, I'm muddling along fine mate. Every day above grounds a blessing, as they say. A young girl who'd fallen from grace, Found her corsets, no longer would lace. Her mother said, "Nelly, there's more in your belly, than ever went in through your face" Cheers Bugsy |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Bill D Date: 11 Nov 18 - 08:32 PM Titian, while mixing rose madder, Had a model pose nude on a ladder. The position to Titian Suggested coition, So he climbed up the ladder and had her. |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Stewie Date: 11 Nov 18 - 07:54 PM Hi Bugsy, I trust you are well. Here's one that Lawler's ex-wife taught me back in the day: There was a young lady from Bude Who danced on the stage in the nude Said a bloke in the front: '(slurping noise) I smell cunt Just like that - right out loud! Fucking rude! --Stewie |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Bugsy Date: 11 Nov 18 - 10:00 AM A young Girl, FROM THE Kyber Pass Had quite a remarkable ass, Not rounded and pink As you probably think It was grey, had long ers and ate grass. Cheers Bugsy |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST,Cori Date: 08 Nov 18 - 09:31 PM Reposting because I don't know how to edit or delete the earlier message, which someone who knows how can. The first line of the poem is the same as the title of the book, "William and Mary." All that is repeated in the book is "William and Mary" and "Then Will--." Does anyone know if there is any more to it? Okay, this one is killing me. In the young adult novel "William and Mary," by Penelope Farmer, William, who is visiting Mary's family, starts to recite a poem at the dinner table which Mary knows ends with a very rude line indeed. Mary waits, wondering if William will really say *that* in front of her parents. He gets as far as, "Then Will--," pretends to forget how it ends, and asks Mary if she remembers, causing her to lose composure. Does anyone know if this is a real limerick, or made up for the story? Thanks. |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: BobL Date: 06 Nov 18 - 02:22 AM Dave H, why are they worth repeating? Unless the earlier post is a corrupt version and the later the original. |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST,Gealt Date: 05 Nov 18 - 06:41 PM There was once a young fellow named Skinner Who invited his lady to dinner. They sat down to dine At a quarter to nine, And by quarter past ten, it was in her. (The dinner, not Skinner!) Skinner was in her before dinner. There was a young girl from Tralee Who was stung in the neck by a wasp. When asked if it hurt, She said I don't mind. You can do it again if you like. |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Joe_F Date: 05 Nov 18 - 06:13 PM There was once a young man from Nantucket Who went down to hell in a bucket. When asked to come out, He'd just sit there and shout "Up your arseholes, ye buggers! And suck it! |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Dave Hanson Date: 05 Nov 18 - 11:02 AM Probaly posted before but worth repeating. There was a young man from Buckingham, Who stood on the bridge at Upingham, Watching the stunts of the cunts in the punts And the tricks of the pricks, Who were fucking 'em. Dave H |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Bill D Date: 05 Nov 18 - 10:25 AM Nice additions, Jon Bartlett! |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Thompson Date: 05 Nov 18 - 05:04 AM I used to find these hilarious. Perhaps it's that I don't have any particular shame about sex that they now seem dull and sadistic? |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST Date: 05 Nov 18 - 03:58 AM Hello Bill - I've read them all and this one's not in it: There was a young chap from Cape Horn Who wished that he'd never been born And he wouldn't have been If his mother had seen That the end of the rubber was torn. and one more, the best I've got because it's legally sound: There was a young lawyer named Rex Who had a small organ of sex When arraigned for exposure He said, with composure "De minimus not curat lex" (the law does not concern itself with small things): a reasonable defence, surely Jon Bartlett |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Bill D Date: 04 Nov 18 - 06:05 PM In recent years, it seems folks are just tossing in something they almost know that is almost a limerick, rather than reading the thread to see it might have been posted 3-4 times before in a more coherent form. Who me? A critic? naawwww... |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: topical tom Date: 04 Nov 18 - 04:43 PM There once was a gay named Dick Broom Who took a lesbian up to his room They argued all night as to who had the right To do wat and with what and to whom. |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: topical tom Date: 04 Nov 18 - 04:28 PM There once was a man named Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea She said "Stop your plumbing I hear someone coming!" "Tee Hee", said Lee, "It;s meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" or somewhat dirtier There once was a maid named "Lahore" Whose ass was all covered with sores. The dogs in the street used to lap aT the meat that hung in green gobs from her drawers. said Lee, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: Dave Hanson Date: 04 Nov 18 - 01:47 AM Does anyone know what you are talking about ? Dave H |
Subject: RE: Folklore: Dirty limericks [12] From: GUEST,Cori Date: 03 Nov 18 - 11:06 PM Okay, this one is killing me. In the young adult novel "William and Mary," by Penelope Farmer, William, who is visiting Mary's family, starts to recite a poem at the dinner table which Mary knows ends with a very rude line indeed. Mary waits, wondering if William will really say *that* in front of her parents. He gets as far as, "Then Will--," pretends to forget how it ends, and asks Mary if she remembers, causing her to lose composure. Does anyone know if this is a real limerick, or made up for the story? Thanks. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: robertobyrnes Date: 12 Oct 10 - 06:31 AM Hey guys, i'm new to this site. i'm from down under (Australia) and i've got a bagful of original bawdy limericks inspired by place names from the land of Oz. there's a selection at my blog aussielimerickman.blogspot.com. here's a taste: An aviator from Campbelltown Achieved much local renown By inseminating The girl he was dating While flying his plane upside down. An innocent lass from Nambucca Liked to sprinkle bird seed on her tucker She grew feathers down where You'd expect to find hair And all the blokes wanted to pluck her. There was a young lady from Clare Whose chest was all covered in hair Most blokes called it quits After fondling her tits But most chimpanzees didn't care. cheers roberto |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Joe_F Date: 18 May 07 - 10:25 PM Aliter: There was once a young fellow from Brighton, Who thought he'd at last found a tight one. Said he, "Ah, my love, It fits like a glove," But she said, "You're not in the right one." |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,Franz Date: 18 May 07 - 09:12 AM There once was a young man from Brighton Who said to a tart "You're a tight one…" She said, "'Pon my soul! You're in the wrong hole! There's plenty of room in the right one…" |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: early Date: 17 May 07 - 08:41 PM there was a young man from weston super mare enjoying his girlfriend on the stair on the ninety ninth stroke the bannister broke so he finished her off n midair |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,Marc Date: 17 May 07 - 08:08 PM A couple of 'em to add... There was a young woman named Alice Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus. They found her vagina In North Carolina And part of her anus in Dallas. or... There was a man from St. Clair Who tooled his chick on the stair. But the bannister broke So he doubled his stroke And finished the job in the air. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,ibo Date: 15 May 07 - 07:34 AM i once met a fox of a girl a real boro beauty called Pearl at the end of the night what a terrible fright to find out her real name was Earl |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,sinky Date: 14 May 07 - 01:32 PM my wife asked me to trim her pubes so the flymow and strimmer i used i burnt all the hair but its really not fair that the fire made national news |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,ibo Date: 14 May 07 - 01:19 PM my incredible cheesey peas knob leaves a terrible taste in yer gob she asked me quite rightly if i could politely wear an apple and cream flavoured blob |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: dick greenhaus Date: 14 May 07 - 12:17 PM And another young fellow named Tupper Once invited his lady to supper; The supper was great Served a little past eight And by eight forty five It was up her. Not Tupper. Not the supper But Skinner (that bastard got around). |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,ibo Date: 14 May 07 - 11:28 AM my wife has a tatoo you see its six inches above her left knee its a shell,and its queer if you put close your ear i swear you can smell the north sea |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,ibo Date: 14 May 07 - 11:01 AM y yes,it was me,im full of shitty limericks jill had a very fat arse it was larger than neptune and mars and the hole in the centre you never could enter she,d fitted in prison cell bars |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Midchuck Date: 14 May 07 - 10:52 AM Guest ibo: You did it! You produced one I hadn't known. I assumed it couldn't be done. Did you write it? Peter |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,ibo Date: 14 May 07 - 10:50 AM i have an unusual prick it looks like a plum on a stick ive heard it tastes nice, so i,ll keep it in ice and later i,ll give you a lick |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Joe_F Date: 13 May 07 - 09:08 PM There was once a young fellow named Skinner Who invited his lady to dinner. They sat down to dine At a quarter to nine, And by quarter past ten, it was in her. (The dinner, not Skinner!) |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Adrianel Date: 12 May 07 - 10:24 PM Schantieman: "A lass from the Isle of Wight, Was out with her boyfriend one night. She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, And was on 'er and off 'er all night." |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Midchuck Date: 11 May 07 - 11:20 AM Another variant on Dick and 'Spaw's: A nude wooed a prude in Bermuda. He was nude, she was shrewd, he was shrewder. She said, "It is lewd To be wooed in the nude!" But he wooed her, pursued her, and screwed her. P. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Midchuck Date: 11 May 07 - 11:16 AM ...with attachments for those in between. ...and was perfectly simple to clean. P. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Joe_F Date: 10 May 07 - 10:29 PM There once was a man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine. Concave and convex, It would fit either sex, And took care of itself in between. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Bill D Date: 09 May 07 - 11:56 PM A horny machinist named Deal, Had an organ that was made of blue steel. He got all his thrills From pneumatic drills And offset emery wheels. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: iancarterb Date: 09 May 07 - 11:56 PM I heard Matti's post with a song included: There was an old man from Madras Whose balls were bright solid brass. When he clanged them together They played "Stormy Weather" And lightening shot out of his ass. One of my favorites, learned from my brother more than fifty years ago. |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: GUEST,matti Date: 09 May 07 - 09:40 PM There once was a man from kanass Who's nuts were made out of brass in stormy weather he'd clack them together and lightning shot out of his ass |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: catspaw49 Date: 03 May 07 - 09:45 PM A slightly different take on the limerick above that Dick posted.......... There once was a man named Magruder Met a girl in the nude So he wooed her! Though she thought it crude To be wooed in the nude Magruder was shrewd and he screwed her. Spaw |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Joe_F Date: 03 May 07 - 09:12 PM The ass of a student named Bear Was entirely covered with hair. His roommate (a queer) Said "Certainly, dear -- With the greatest of pleasure -- but where?" |
Subject: RE: BS: Dirty limericks From: Dickey Date: 03 May 07 - 08:49 PM The Captain had a cabin boy He loved him like a brother and every night by candle light they cornholed one another. Oh cabin boy oh cabin boy you dirty little nipper you lined your ass with busted glass and circumcised the skipper. |
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