Origi:When the train is in the station(Humoresque)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: quokka
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 12:37 PM

Er... when I said 'graet' obviously I meant 'Great', as in I Love This Song!! (talking about 'City of New Orleans' here...)
Cheers,
Quokka

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 08:43 PM

If you have to pass some water
Do it in the place you orter
Please don't use my hat and be a pal
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If you found you hat a urinal?

I also learned the first verse as:

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station; I love you.
When the train is in the station
We must urge you constipation
If the train can't go then why should you?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 08:19 PM

Old Hippie-

"If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is
Likely to be full."

That's not the way I remember this verse by Brand:

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is
Likely to be COOL.

You're probably correct!

Cheerily,
Charley noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: oldhippie
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM

The second verse of the Oscar Brand version has these lyrics on one of his recordings:

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is
Likely to be full.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Rumncoke
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 11:48 AM

I remember

Railway workers underneath are apt to get it in the teeth
And they don't like it - how the Hell would you?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: quokka
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 01:23 PM

Now I understand so much more about the song "City of New Orleans" - it just says 'passengers will please refrain' and I never knew until now what they were supposed to refrain from doing!!! Isn't it a graet song???

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,cookieless folkiedave
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 01:18 PM

the only line(s) I remember are

When the train is at the station you must suffer constipation,
If the train can't move then why should you;,

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Latex
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 12:01 PM

While the train is in the station
Please refrain from urination
Have regard for railway property
If the the train is stationary
And you want to go quite heavy
Please don't drop you lot upon the train
Along the platform you must wander
And a penny you must squander
To relieve yourself with might and main.

Very Humeresque!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Dec 07 - 11:07 AM

My version of Humoresque is by folk singer Oscar Brand

Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is in the station, (darling I love you)
We encourage constipation
while the train is in the station,
(moonlight always makes me think of you)

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then Try the platform in the rear
The one in front is windy
Ain't love cruel?

If the woman's room be taken
Do not feel the least forsaken
Never wave the banner of defeat
Try the men'x room cross the hall
And if some man has had the call
What villain could deny my love the Seat?

If these efforts all are vain
Why not break a window pane
Although this method's used by mighty few
We go strolling through the park
Goosing statues in the dark
If Sherman's horse can take it, Why can't you?


Hope this helps you out.

Dan Collins

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jan 02 - 05:38 PM

I always wondered why there was so much toilet paper to be seen along railway tracks......

And on the same note....

A train is travelling at speed between London and York. Suddenly it screeches to a halt, throwing passengers, luggage and conductors alike into a heaving mass. The driver announces that someone has pulled the communications cord and that the train won't move until they find who it was and help them out. As they go up and down the train, the cannot see which cord has been pulled, until one of the guards checks the toilets.

'Are you OK in there?'

'No.... I've got piles.....' The guard looks a bit askance....

'Sir, did you pull the communication cord, just because of piles?'

'Yes'

'But sir, I have piles too, the driver has piles, and I daresay a lot of the other passengers have them as well!'

'Yes, but yours aren't wrapped around the axle!'

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 06:23 PM

Mark, I've read the post you referred to above and I am highly skeptical.

"…waste matter was sucked out of the toilet and straight back through vacuum tubes along the sides to be sprayed in a fine mist from the rear of the train."

I've never heard of this technology. I've always assumed that the modern technique was to store the waste matter in a holding tank that is periodically pumped out, like those on airplanes, RV's, and portable toilets. It seems to me, if you're going to install a high-tech system like the one described, you'd also have the sense to add a switch to deactivate it when the train is stopped.

Now, maybe Steve Goodman did tell the story this way, but I think he stretched the truth a little.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Gareth
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 02:22 PM

The real fun goes back to the days of dear old "BRITISH RAILWAYS" Yes, they dumped it on the track. The trick was remembering not to flush while the train was in a tunnel.
Nine times out of ten you would get away with it, on the 10th there would be a train approaching from the other end of the tunnel, and as the valve opened, the air presure would rise and whoosh you would get your own back.

Gareth (Nostalic for Steam and the old Mark 1 carriges.)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:53 AM

Check out John Hardly's post about halfway through this Steve Goodman thread for a wonderful story about Steve in a similar situation.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:07 AM

Yeah Jim.....My Dad was an Pennsy engineer and we traveled free by train back in my childhood (when there were still passenger trains) and I remember reading those signs as some of my earliest "reading".....and also asking why! AS a 6 year old I was pretty disgusted and remember always looking a bit differently at the tracks by the depot.

JOKE:

Two winos are wandering along the railroad tracks. On board the oncoming passenger train is a guy in the restroom who has found the toilet broken. He can't wait any longer, so as the train speeds along, he hangs his ass out the window and "lets it fly." The train is just passing the two winos and they get hit with the shit and knocked to the ground. The first wino, dazed, asks, "My gawd what kind of tobacco was that guy chewin'?" The other one answers, "I dunno', but did you see the lips on that motherfucker?"

Spaw

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:20 PM

Mark Cohen: It's not an urban legend. I clearly remember that when I was a kid, the toilets of American passenger trains emptied directly onto the tracks. Of course, they didn't empty until you flushed them. In daylight hours, you could look down and see the ties (sleepers) passing by while you held the handle down. And there was a sign asking passengers not to flush while the train was in a station. I don't recall the exact words, but I think the lyrics I am familiar with ("Passengers will please refrain / From flushing toilets while the train / Is standing in a station…") are a fair paraphrase. The original didn't rhyme or have such good meter, though.

I also remember a very painfully embarrassing experience I had when I was about 12 years old in 1959 or so, traveling by train from St. Louis, MO, to Los Angeles, CA. Late one night, while my parents were asleep, and the train was standing in the station, I HAD to go. I took the sign very seriously, so I decided, when I finished my business, to stand and wait until the train pulled out of the station, and then flush. I waited and waited and waited. Someone knocked on the door and I ignored them. The conductor came with a key and unlocked the door. He closed the door immediately, saying, "Someone's in there," and went away. But my cover having been blown, so to speak, I decided to hold out no longer. I opened the door and explained the situation to the gentleman who was standing there with his little boy, about 3 years old, I suppose, who also had to go. I let them in, and sheepishly went back to my seat. After they went back to their seats, I had to satisfy my curiosity. I went back and checked the toilet, and I saw that they had flushed –- both theirs and mine –- onto the track. And it was still several minutes before the train pulled out.

As Dave Barry would say, I am not making this up.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Jeanie
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:14 PM

Brilliant ! Brilliant! Thank you all so much ! My daughter plays "Humoresque" on the flute and she just didn't believe me that there were these wonderful words to it, and I could only vaguely remember them. Spookily,I was only mentioning this to IanB yesterday and saying "I'll have to post a thread on Mudcat to see if anyone knows the words." Spooky ... Many thanks - wish I'd had a £5 bet with her, now ... - Jeanie

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 06:13 AM

Newly weds within the carriage
Please don't consummate your marriage
While the train is standing here at Crewe.
Please restrain that natural function,
Till we get to Clapham Junction,
Where there's really sod all else to do.
Merry Chri8stmas...Jock

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Guessed
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 05:09 AM

quite right Mark
the reason they needed the train moving was 1) out of the area of the general public and 2) the kinetic energy of the er..... solid matter, was used to disintegrate said sausages on impact with the sleepers.
don't I talk a load of crap?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 04:23 AM

And I believe (unless it's another urban legend) that it's based on a sign that was posted in railroad car bathrooms in the days when the potty would empty directly onto the tracks beneath.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Genie
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:49 AM

The song is, of course, a parody of Humoresque. There's a parody of the parody in Song Challenge! Part 77 here.

Genie

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 07:20 PM

There is '[a;nyhttttttttttttttiuuuother very British version

Gentlemen must please refrain
From passing water while the train
Is standing at the station here at Crewe

can't remember the next lines, but it continues:

Tramps and hoboes underneath
Will get it in the eyes and teeth
That's what they get for being the underdog.

LTS

Sorry, new cat with bad keyboard etiquette.... he will keep standignt on my table.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Cobble
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 06:12 PM

When the train is in the station please refrain from urination, have reguards for railway property. If you feel you really ought to go and see the railway porter, he'll show you where you can spend a penny.

Cobble.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 04:52 PM

This Version in the DT.

Spaw

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HUMORESQUE (DT Lyrics)


Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.

We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station
Moonlight always makes me think of you

If you really must pass water
Kindly call the Pullman porter
He'll place a vessel in your vestibule

As I sit here tearing tissue
Oh, my darling, how I miss you
Everything I do, I do for you.

Since I'm going with your daughter
I've had trouble passing water
Sorry that I ever came to town

I'm the guy that did the pushin'
Dirtied up the front seat cushion
Footprints on the dashboard upside down

Promenading in the park,
Goosing statues after dark
If Sherman's horse can take it why can't you


To the tune of Humoresque
@bawdy
filename[ HUMORESQ
DC

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 04:49 PM

CLICK HERE

Spaw

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A selection from the World's Largest Hardcopy Hash Songbook

Global Trash Hash Hymnal

Humoresque

(To: Humoresque)

I love to go out after dark,
And goose the statues in the park,
A lovely pastime at the close of day!
Unperturbed they stand so still,
While whoops! it's me that gets the thrill.
It really is a lovely way to play.

I've noticed lately,
They stand so stately,
Out there in the dark when dew is on the ground.
I sometimes tease them,
And do displease them,
If I fail to show up as the sun goes down.

The Thinker is the only one,
With whom I can have no fun.
He sits upon a boulder, rough and coarse.
Napoleon sits upon his steed,
I cannot goose him, no indeed,
And so instead I goose his horse.

Passengers will please refrain,
From flushing toilets while the train,
Is standing in the station, I love you.
We encourage constipation,
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.

If you simply have to go,
When other people are too slow,
There is only one thing you can do.
You'll just have to take a chance,
Be brave and do it in your pants,
But I'll forgive you, darling, I love you.

Mabel, Mabel, strong and able,
Get your big ass off the table,
Don't you know the quarter is for beer?
You can always earn your pay,
But make your tips another way,
And I'll forgive you, darling, I love you.

Ever since you met our Nelly,
She's had trouble with her belly,
Wish you'd never seen our little town!
Ever since I met your Venus,
I've had trouble with my penis,
Wish I'd never seen your little town.

Was it you who did the pushin',
Put the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down?
Was it your sly woodpecker,
That got into my girl Rebecca?
If it was, you better leave this town.

It was I who did the pushin',
Put the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down.
But since I got into your daughter,
I've had trouble passing water,
Now I guess we're even all around.
[Go to top] [Return to Hymnal Index]

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Subject: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Gerald Forrester
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 04:31 PM

Anyone recall the words to this little bawdy? I heard the tune the other day and it remiminded me of the song that i sang as a student in Exeter many years ago. All i recall is - When the train is in the station please refrain from urination . . . apologies for the rudeness - iy is a good song.

Gerald - Scotland