Double Entendre Anyone?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 06:41 PM

I've gone many a mile in this old car,
And I hope I get many more,
All because little Maggie
Sees that it's well cared for.
Now, the spark plugs spark, the carburetor carbs,
The pistons do what they're supposed to do,
Ooh, little Maggie keeps it lubricated all the time.

If anything should get out of kilter,
Here's how to make it go away:
Reach down and give a little jiggle --
Everything will be O.K.
Now, the spark plugs spark,...

-- Pete Seeger

One might also recall the vaudeville song

She has freckles on her but she is nice.
When I hold her in my arms, it's paradise....

Elsa Lanchester was the grand mistress of the double entendre. She has a song ostensibly deprecating vacuum cleaners with the lines "If you can't get in the corners, you might as well give in" & "All you need is a bit of spit, your finger and a rag". On the same record (Tradition 2065) one may hear "Linda and Her Londonderry Air", "The Husband's Clock", and "Lola's Saucepan". Sometimes, however, the entendre is not at all double:

For a lady with a piazza
Has a place in which to sit,
And people know a piazza
Has a house attached to it.

Enjoy.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:20 AM

Sometimes the Double Entendre is unintentional, as with a sign I saw in a Bankok restaurant

Please do not pay until you have been serviced

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:10 AM

So Mr Red - now you know. The great Max was a master of the double meaning and no wonder his musical hall performances were crowded out. Sadly the TV has never really paid enough tribute to some of the marvellous perfomers of vaudeville and the music hall as the acts were never really recorded. Thanks to all who have contibuted to the thread.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 05:45 AM

No, the real punchline to the Max Miller joke was
he didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 03:26 AM

no water firemen improvise

animals saved in slaughterhouse fire more headlines

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:06 PM

News headlines today ......

POLICE SHOOT DEAD MAN BRANDISHING FIREARM

Am I the only person to wonder why police needed to shoot a dead man .....it must be my age *BG*

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:04 PM

He didn't know whether to turn round and go back, or toss himself off!! ( Max Miller that was ) He also said," When I married the wife, her father promised me two acres and a cow. I'm still waiting for the land"!.............. What about all those songs about jelly roll then? Jock

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: okthen
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:44 PM

"The batsman's Holding the bowler's Willy" or was it

"The bowler's Holding the batsman's Willy"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:26 PM

"I need a little sugar in my bowl", "I need a little hotdog down in my roll", "Come on Daddy. Sooth your mamas soul", "I need a little sugar in my bowl"

Bessie Smith.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:09 PM

I know that Bessie Smith sang I need a little sugar in my bowl, I need a little hot dog between my roll whats that its dark down there is that a snake? (I would say this falls in the innuendo category rather than the double entendre) btw you know the Italian suppository = Innuendo. For all the good it did I might as well shove it up my ass.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:01 PM

Marie Lloyd had to change her words because of a court case brought by the censor. I think she "squats among the collieflowers & leeks" was the exact result and it went unchallenged. Giok
The song about a buckle would be a bit more understandable if the fact that in meadieval times buckle was a euphemism for er..... well lets just say it was somewhat graphic. The rolling-up of a sleeve then falls into place - (entendre intended!)
The cellist and the conductor and the "God's greatest gift to man" was Tommy Beacham and er......... my memory fails me but it was Gladys XXXXX.
Max Miller - he was full of them, so obvious often that he got more laughs by finding ways of coming up with an alternative punchline that was mildly funny in itself but funnier still because he got the surprise AND two jokes in one hit.
No Fiolar we don't know that particular joke can you tell us the punchline please. **pained innocence**

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:49 AM

when Jean Harlow reportedly met Queen Margot of Belgium she pronounced Margot with a 't'. The queen corrected her and said no the 't' is silent as in Harlow.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:07 AM

Let's go out to the pub, mate, fer a beer an a piss. Beer's on me, and piss on you.

A

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: JudeL
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:53 AM

Just checked DT for my favourite double entendre song "Cottage for Sale" and it wasn't there so have posted it as a separate thread.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Firecat
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:45 AM

I know that this isn't musical, but what about the Phil Silvers line to the Arabs in "Carry On Follow That Camel"? Here's the transcript of those few lines:-

Chief Arab: "Goodbye, and peace be on you"
Silvers: "And peace on you too!"

Hahahahahahahaha... I crack me up, I really do! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: kendall
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:37 AM

there was an announcer at the Olympics who was talking about a woman weight lifter. He said "I saw her snatch this morning, and, it is incredible"! True story.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:30 AM

I am surprised that no Mudcatter has come up with the Max Miller classic about the time he met a young lady on a narrow cliff top path.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Crane Driver
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:48 AM

"Too High or Else Too Low" - another song about a travelling tinker who goes around blocking up the holes in ladies' kettles -

But when the tinker was at work, The wench in anger cried, Because he did not clench his nails Upon the further side

And so on

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pinkfiddle
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:15 AM

A Buxom lass - the whole song is full of them

For mowing is hard labour and if you must forsake Oh around my little meadow you may use your fork and rake

pf

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:41 AM

The Music hall singer Marie Lloyd used to sing a song which contained the line
"she sits among the cabbages and peas"
whwn people complained about it she changed it to
"she sits among the cabbages and leeks"
Music hall songs were full of such things

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: okthen
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:26 AM

Bo Carter specialised in double entendre or "hokum" blues, there is a compilation album called "let me put my banana in your fruit basket" tho' not all the songs are as subtle as that.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: CaptainLewis
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 09:45 PM

I hafta look this one up again, but it was a quote of a music critic to a woman solo cellist:

you have an instrument between your legs madam that could enthrall hundreds, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it!

And of course there was the time when I was between sets after playing And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda, and an officious member of the audience approached and informed me that Australia started as a penal colony, to which I replied, "yes but they have women there too nowadays".

CLB

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 09:43 PM

Well, as the once-renowned English Doctor Jekyll once remarked, "We have nothing to hide but Hyde itself!"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: bill\sables
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:00 PM

At the retirement banquet of General De Gaul, Mrs De Gaul was asked by the wife of the British Prime Minster what she looked forward to most about her husband retireing. She answered "A penis" at which point the General leaned over to the questioner and explained "She means Happiness"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 07:33 PM

Ofmcourse there was the classic cricket commentary when the announcer said"The batsmans Holding the bowlers Willie"
I too made a similar faux pas once when I shouted to some children lining up after playtime "Would you boys please hold your balls in the line!"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: MAG
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 03:07 PM

Bonny Black Hare still takes the prize, I think -- surely it's in the DB --

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 12:24 PM

50 Yards to the Outhouse ... written by Willie Makeit... edited by Betty Dont.

LL

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: kendall
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 11:15 AM

Bob Hope, in the days of strict censorship got this one by, "I met her by the Pawn Shop and she kissed me under the balls,"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Ritchie
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 07:01 AM

the classic line from the film 'porky's' which I'm sure inspired a lot of Bart Simpson's one liners, is the part where some one phones up the bar and asks for "Mike Hunt" The barmaid then shouts out to everybody in the bar " Has anybody seen Mike Hunt ?" I've seen this done and had to stuff a hanky in my mouth as I rolled onto the floor.

The other one is where the late Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy would ask a girl in the audience if she had any Irish in her. When she replied no, he would then ask her if she wanted some. The Cad !

still a naughty boy at heart Ritchie.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Deckman
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 12:19 AM

I feel forced to contribute the classic carpenters line ... "she cried as she lifted her wooden leg ... lumbers' goin up!". CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: dwditty
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 04:19 PM

Personally, I prefer the single entendre...get right to the point.

Sinsull, how aboout when June used to say, "Ward, aren't you being a little hard on the Beaver?"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 03:16 PM

Just remembered another wonderfull one, it's more hidden meaning than outright double entendre, but v good NTL. "As I lifted her petticoat easy and slow,and I rolled up me sleeve for to buckle her shoe" An illusion to condoms which in Ireland where this song comes from, condoms were at that time illegal. Jock

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 03:09 PM

I said pretty maiden it's time to give o'er; For twixt wind and water you've run me ashore; Me shot locker's empty, me powder's all spent; And I can't fire more shot 'cos it's choked at the vent. "Cruisin' round Yarmouth" and in the same song "Her lily-white hand on me reef tackle fall" Jock

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Seque
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 02:21 PM

If we are going to wallow in the gutter, how about taking famous movie titles and converting them to porno movie titles:

The Mighty Aphrodite= The Mighty Hermaphrodite.

Songcatcher = Schlongcatcher.

Saving Private Ryan = Shaving Ryan's Privates.

Children of a Lesser God = Children of a Lesser Sod.

Mr. Holland's Opus = Mr. Holland's Puss.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:42 PM

I hate every bone in your body except for mine (another one of the bad country songs)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 12:20 PM

what's that shanty about Jack and the fireship? Oh yeah. Rattle Me Riggin. Full of 'em. She loved him up and turned him into a toad, she did. ;-)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Madam Gashee
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 11:53 AM

"With her topsails all a quiver"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 11:51 AM

Great stuff. I never realise that there are so many dirty minded people on the forum. :-)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 07:22 AM

If your Uncle Jack was on a horse and couldn't get down, would you help your Uncle Jack off the horse?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 07:12 AM

John Denvers' 'the cowboy and the lady' contains the immortal (or is it immoral?) line and there's a little bit of cowboy in the lady!

DtG

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:40 AM

"Are ye home Mrs. MacPherson?"---"Aye; what d'ye want!"---" I'm sellin' tickets for the Thanksgivin' dance>"----"Sorry--cannae go, I'm under the doctor."----"Oh-ask the doctor if he wants a ticket----"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:12 AM

The classic is of course, "Londonderry Air"

The last verse for the song Jolly Tinker:

Well I've been a jolly Tinker for these 40 years or more
But such a rusty hole as that, I've never blocked before.

One of my non-musical favorites is from the UK comedy Thin Blue Line - there is a lot of them in the show, but the best of them (especially from an American's perspective) was the one when the head of the detective squad was afraid that a mistake made by Rowan Atkinson's character would get him fired. The quote: Your cock-up: my ass! How that ever made it past even the Public Broadcasting Censors in the U.S. is beyond me.

pax yall

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tinker
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:44 PM

The blues again... Hannah Johnson's big jack ass is on the block for sale....

Tinker

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Adrienne
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:39 PM

My son's new Blink-182 CD made me raise my eyebrows..."Take Off Your Pants and Jacket".

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: ddw
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:58 PM

Blues tunes are loaded with double entendre. On the way to work I was listening to Robert Johnson's Travelling Riverside.

You can squeeze my lemon
Till the juice runs down my leg

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:40 PM

My Sister can't wrestle, but you should see her box....

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:33 PM

Do you prefer roses on a piano or tulips on an organ?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:27 PM

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: alison
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 07:21 PM

Jack the sailor.... the group was "Exile" - the son "I want to kiss you all over".... takes me right back to my disco days ... *grin*

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 04:30 PM

I keep missing you but my aims gettin better.