BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!

Subject: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,Paul Revere
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:44 PM

They have been preparing for 60,000 years, and on August 27, when Mars is at its closest to Earth, the Martians are going to ATTACK!!

You don't think so, do you? You've heard all of the stuff from the government and from the so-called scientists and astronomers that there isn't any life on Mars. But recent discoveries
underscore the danger that our earthly way of life is facing unprepared. And if you continue to doubt the dnager, here is a picture of Martian soldiers training for the coming war with earth.

The last picture was taken in July by the Hubble Space Telescope, and was released by the Government asa picture of WW1 soldiers so that the public wouldn't panic.

The only thing to do is to first, alert your governmetn officials of this danger. But they will not believe you, so you will have to defend yourself against the craic-crazed Martian assault troops. On Augsut 27, between the hours of 11 p.m. local time and 2 a.m. local time, arm yourself and prepared to replel the attackers. Get ready for this now. Get guns and ammo from someplace, even if you have to beat up a cop (they won't defend you!). I recommend the 30 mm "gun" from a US Air Force's A-10 airplane, if you can get one in time. For the three hours noted, fire whatever gun you have at Mars. Since the landings will be in remote areas, do this in the remotest area you can find. This will show them that we mean business, and those which aren't scared off will be shot. But again, don't do this near any building because the initial assault will only come in remote, uninhabited areas.

It's time we all forgot politics and fought to save Earth!!!!!!!!! 60,000 years ago Mars attcked before, and the Neandertahls are all extinct. Don't let it happen again!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Mark Clark
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:50 PM

Oh sure, August 27 is easy enough… but what time?

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 04:14 PM

We should be so lucky...

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 04:47 PM

Whaddya mean "we", Clinton? I have already determined that the Martians are: (1) unstoppable (2) gorgeously suave   and (3) more socially responsible anyway than most Earthlings, having endured 48,000 years of drought and declining ecology due to planetary changes beyond their control.

Accordingly, I have leaked advance information to them about your whereabouts and you can depend on being one of the first undesirable Earthlings to be wiped out with extreme prejudice by their elite shock troops, whilst collaborators such as myself will join with the Martian liberation forces and bring relief to a suffering planet! Martians know what ecological destruction means, and they will not squander the natural beauty of Earth as our industrialists have. Plus, their women are very good looking too, which is a fringe benefit. You don't believe me? Contact William Shatner. He knows all about it, and he is going to receive the governorship of the entire North American region under the new administration which will be set up in cooperation with the Martian liberation forces.

Under our administration all cynics will die!!! Especially those who consider their own termination (and that of others) to be a "lucky" turn of affairs.

Ha! Your goose is cooked this time, Clinton. It'll be a fine New World, but you won't be there to see it, laddie. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 04:53 PM

All I can say is "Klatu...Kalinga...Nichto"

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Penny S.
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:04 PM

I think you must have the date wrong. If they plan to arrive on the date of the closest approach of Mars, they will have taken a longer time to get here than is sensible. What you need to to do is find the speed of their craft, and then arrange for them to cross the midpoint of their journey on that date, and then work out the time of the journey and where the Earth would be ... Oh bother, I think this involves calculus and no-one will tell me how to do it. Some sort of iterative process best done by computer or people with too much time on their hands. But they won't be here on the 27th!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:04 PM

No, no, no, no, no. "Klatu barada nichto"!!!! "Klatu kalinga nichto" means (roughly) "Your mother was a sardine can, you pathetic one eyed robot."


If Deja Thoris is one of the advance Martians, there is a deja I want to vu again for the first time. Bring her on!!!

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:11 PM

". . . it's a cook book!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: NicoleC
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:31 PM

No sweat. I'll be moving that day and they won't know where to find me. ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,BOUDICCA - Queen of the Iceni
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:57 PM

Britons, have no fear ! I have been in training in exile these many long years and have returned to defend you from this onslaught ! (This time I will get it absolutely right, I promise you. I will not be beaten.) Trust me ! We will be victorious against these Martian hordes !

As Dio Cassius said of me last time round: "She was huge of frame, terrifying of aspect, and with a harsh voice. A great mass of bright red hair fell to her knees...Now, she grasped her spear, to strike fear into all who watched her."

The years have looked kindly on me. I am even more huge and terrifying now and, though hard to contemplate that it is possible, kind friends tell me that my voice has become still harsher.

Little Hawk, you say their men are "gorgeously suave"...I must confess, this gave me pause for thought that I might join you as a collaborator... But no ! I have met their sort before. I will stand by my people !

Fellow Britons ! Rally round ! We meet at dawn on Wednesday next at the lay-by just before the turn-off to Colchester on the A12.

BOUDICCA

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:59 PM

Is Boudicca really Liz the Squeak? The description sounds...never mind...

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,BOUDICCA - Queen of the Iceni
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:29 PM

Artbrooks: I, Boudicca, whose second chance for victory has come at last, have indeed been masquerading in this place under an assumed name as a member of the Mudcatti tribe, but this lady's name is not the one I have been using. I believe she does live somewhere close to my old lands, and hope she might be amongst those warriors with fearsome battle cry who will come to rally with me, but no, I am not she and have not been using her name !

Mr. Brooks, you live far from my lands, but there is time for you to join me and my warrior band before the Martian hordes advance. Might I count on your support ?

BOUDICCA

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Gareth
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:31 PM

Ahhh ! Time to get the Long Bow out of the thatch

" 'Tis the tramp of Martian Foemen...."

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:45 PM

Ooorah!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:46 PM

Now I KNOW we're all mad as hatter...........LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,Ygronthu Varsni
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:51 PM

We wish to meet your leader to discuss your surrender terms, but we cannot see Hul9 on our Earth maps. Where is he to be found?

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: PageOfCups
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:55 PM

No, no, no! Haven't you been reading the thread "Poll: harmless idiot or serious threat"? It's August 31st, not the 27th. The Martians are merely being used as a tool of God to smite the US. ;-P

PoC

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,GOD
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 08:09 PM

IT HAS NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH ME. YOU STILL HAVE TO DEVELOP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR - I MEAN. COME ON, FOSILS, MARTIANS, HUMANS? ... DON'T YOU GET IT (SIGH OF COSMIC PROPORTIONS)

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: NicoleC
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 08:22 PM

No, makes perfect sense, PoC. The Martians will leave Mars when the distance is the least on the 27th, and arrive in time to be part of God's smiting festivities on the 31st.

Thereby, God really smites two planets with one blow. Who said She isn't efficient?

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: rangeroger
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 08:34 PM

Mark,IF you had really read the first post you would have seen that time period is from 11:00pm (local) to 2:00am (local).

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Amergin
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 08:38 PM

this must be the terrorist attack that Junior warned us of...

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 09:59 PM

What do you mean "We", Earthlings?

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 10:16 PM

You've got the right idea, Peter T.! Martians live a long time, so keep your fingers crossed. My guess is that Dejah Thoris will be commanding several legions of faithful warriors in the first wave.

You've also got the right idea, Nicole! Brilliant calculations on your part.

Resistance really IS futile this time, folks...

What I find hilariously funny is that George W. Bush probably thinks HE is our leader (Ha! Ha! Ha! Gasp! Snort!). The Martians know about him, but they consider him a mere trivial annoyance. Now, Clinton Hammond...THERE's a MAJOR annoyance!!! Expect some real fireworks around Windsor, Ontario shortly after the landings.

KALOCH

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 10:18 PM

Sorry. Got disconnected by NASA or somebody... I was trying to end that last communique with...

KALOCH! N'ATAGH!!! (Martian battlecry)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:14 PM

Hooboy, LH!! You're in trouble now. What you experienced is the modern equivalent of that faint click we used to hear over the old-fashioned Bakelite rotary handsets that informed us a wiretap was being conducted on our phone. Remember that?

Well, you get half-way through typing the Martian Battle Cry and look what happens....click....the cyber-equivalent of heavy breathing from an overweight agent in the basement living on black coffee and doughnuts and listening to you and your girlfriend talk socialism!! Hoooooo, you are for it now, big boy!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:35 PM

well, I ain't one BIT scared, 'cause I got my Buck Rogers Space Pistol and my special 'Super Gravity De-Hydrating Cosmic Ossifier with the Positronic Snarkle' ready for whatever them Martian send down..(or is it up?)

(Enquiring minds want to know, though...if the Martians can cross 33 million miles of space...why can't they cross 35 million miles?)

looks like another big scam to me..like that comet silliness...but I guess I'll be making a tinfoil hat, just in case...

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:43 PM

Aw'ight. Ah'm awreddy outchere in one them remote areas you's tawkin' 'bout. Now, whut them sumbitches look like? If Ah shoots one of 'em Ah'm gonna git th' motor outta his flyin' saucer er whutever they's comin' in 'cause Ah dun blowed up th' motor in mah ole Ford pickup spinnin' donuts out in th' corn field. Ah bet thet ole truck'll haul ass with one them flyin' saucer motors in it.

YEE-HAW!

Bubba-dubya-ell

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:44 PM

I think those agents are all part of the plan. They are, after all, aliens themselves that have infiltrated our government agencies preparing for the attack.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:00 AM

LOL!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: open mike
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:54 AM

the first signs will be stars which will be seen shooting from the heavens!!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:00 PM

No sweat. We'll just get all the Rhan players of the world to play in unison and it'll vibrate their saucers to pieces. Either that or they'll flee. Don't stand next to any tall buildings and wait until you see the reds of the eyes.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:13 PM

heck - they sent a scouting party back in '38 - and our microbes wiped them out...we got even better diseases now! doubt they'll be here more then a few minutes before Ebola, West Nile, Sars etc take them out.

Sure - they tried to tell us those radio broadcasts were fiction...huh! Like who'd believe THAT?

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: PageOfCups
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:51 PM

Luckily, Bee-dubya-ell and MMario, we can be prepared for the invasion. A top-secret training program has been developed and distributed in the guise of a for-fun video game called "Redneck Rampage." Get a-practicin'!!

PoC

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: greg stephens
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 01:02 PM

Why oh why are all you people so blood-thirsty? Maybe our nearest neighbours are just coming for a visit to hold hands, drink tea and sing praise-songs. Just because they are ugly little bastards with goggling eyes(three of them),long arms (covered in slimy suckers) holding ray-guns, and bad breath: doesnt mean they have to be hostile.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 01:08 PM

I bet they are in league with the Manatees and the Dutch!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 01:29 PM

Sounds like a story coming on....new thread! yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 03:59 PM

Hmmm... do you think they might stop off at the Moon on the way through and pick up some green cheese? It's been a while since I had some. Goes great on BBQ'd chicken pizza, you know.

Should we call out Bugs Bunny? he always seemed to do well against that little Martian fellow, Marvin.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 05:35 PM

The chances of anything coming from Mars
Are a million to one, they said.
The chances of anything
Coming from Mars
Are a million to one...

But still, they come!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 07:12 PM

We went by there on our way here an there weren't nobody there. That's true cuz we askt em and they said that there warnt nobody there.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: The Walrus
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 07:57 PM

Friendly or Hostile, I've got the soundtrack of "Mars Attacks" taped so one false move and it's yodelling cowboy time greenie...

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,Paul Revere
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 09:56 PM

This is serious! It's really going to happen! The martians are going to bend you over a chair and make your dog kick your wife, and there will be at least ten of them , all trained by John Ashcroft on the sacrosanct property of the bigmoney boys of the Bohemian Club, cranked up on craic and each one armed with one of these    , which will destroy anything in its path.

There is nothing on Earth which can stop them once they land. Don't let them land!

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,Trom Bron
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 10:34 PM

Hi ya'll. Trom Bron here. That's Martian fer Willy Joe. Summa ya'll mightta met me over on that other thread. It don't matter. I'm not here about that nut-house escapee that we're tryin' to get back to Mars. I jus' stopped by to tell ya'll not to pay any attention to anythin' that Debbie Earl says. She ain't no Martian. She's freds. Freds is from someplace, but it shore ain't Mars. Debbie Earl and his girlfriend Bubba Bubba has been hangin' around here so long that they is startin' to think they's human. Playin' the blues and such. Well, I think ya'll need to revoke their greencards. Get 'em outta here before it's too late. Ya'll know that thing ya'll call the asteroid belt? Well, it was a purty nice place until freds got ahold of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 10:43 PM

I ain't worried...Me and Hiram Peabody are ready with this

Hiram is a wonder at makin' things from stuff he finds around the town dump in Ottumwa, Iowa...we will cruise up above the clouds and blast 'em before they can land! (THEN we will go get John Ashcroft!)

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 10:44 PM

it was a long tim a go an it warnt intenshunal no way. we wuz havin a fok feztibal an sum foks got drunk an bustd up the plaice. it kud hapen too ani one.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 11:01 PM

Heloo, I have got a big stick near my door 9its part of my fence waht got busted], and if the aliens come round here, i am going to bash them on the head, with my stick.john

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: GUEST,John Hardly
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 11:14 PM

I've done the calculations.

Mars still won't be close enough to attack in August. Sure, they'll start the trip, and if they'd sufficiently anticipated the rare proximity they might have made it. Sadly, with gas prices what they are right now, they will fall well short of Earth some time in September.

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 11:19 PM

anyway-you with the funny name-Hull9 is halfway down the right side of England, 9its proper name is Kingston upon Hull).john 9from hull)

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 11:37 PM

Paul Revere you said, "There is nothing on Earth which can stop them once they land. Don't let them land!"
Well hell that will be easy. All I have to do is get naked and go outside and start dancing. That will scare anything away.

Peace, Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Jeanie
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 04:38 AM

Just received my latest copy of "The Linguist" - the journal for members of the Institute of Linguists, a generaly sober and totally kosher organisation based in the UK, which normally restricts itself to languages such as German, French, Spanish etc. etc...

HOWEVER, there in black on white (p. 117, Vol. 42. No. 4, 2003 for anyone who doubts it) is a report on the work of 'The Klingon Language Institute' (complete with photo of some of its members) and this startling announcement:
"More interesting, and less widely known, is that Schoen [Lawrence Schoen - founder of the Klingon Lang. Inst. - which "offers courses and proficiency exams" in the language]
was recently called in to give a presentation to military and civilian linguists at the US National Security Agency."

Uh-huh.   Say no more...

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Attack coming on August 27!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 08:40 AM

Have a great time, you and Hiram, Bill D., because that thing in the picture is a still if ever I saw one.

And I've seen stills!