LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:11 AM

Excellent advice, maeve and SRS.


{{{{Michelle}}}}}

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Ebbie, housesitting
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:14 AM

{{{{Michelle})))

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 04:08 AM

You know exactly what you need to do, Michelle.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:36 AM

The thing is that I DON'T know what I need to do. The feeling is very much like what I imagine a deer in headlights feels like..where do I go? What happened?

I have been to the local dr. a few times with things that didn't feel right and she just looks at me and tells me things are fine. The Dr. that initally got the ball rolling in December with all the cancer stuff has retired and so I go to the same clinic but I'm not feeling it with this woman. She's very nice but I think because I've been two or three times and it turned up as nothing that she thinks I'm a hypocondriac or something. I hesitate to call her about this because I don't want to be that patient who becomes the one that they no longer believe. If you cry wolf too many times....you get the idea.

Pete reminds me that I have no idea of the incisions made beneath my giant scar, that there is likely some scar tissue, that the baby jumps on my belly sometimes, that Jeremiah does kick my belly sometimes, etc.

It just scares me and I really do NOT know what to do with it. I think the smartest thing would be to call the oncologist as I've told him before about belly pain and he always checks it without question or eye raising. My numbers were the best they've ever been at my last checkup. I practically begged to have them do my numbers once a month but was told that if something was to develop, it would not develop a horrible, untreatable something in the matter of 2 months. I have my doubts about that but my oncologists haven't been wrong about ANYTHING yet. They knew the day my hair would start coming out, they said cancer was *ho-hum* (I can't believe that ANY cancer is HO-HUM to anyone hearing that diagnosis) and my surgeon who was so skittish about saying if I would be ok finally did say not too long ago...you are going to be just fine. I trust this man beyond words and I just need to make peace with it somehow. Both of my oncologists say that the people who do the best are the ones who can say, yep...that was a bump in the road and they keep going. I try very hard to do that....but sometimes that's much harder than it sounds.   

In any case, I am getting myself and Jeremiah out of the house...sometimes that helps a great deal and we have some errands to run anyway.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:44 AM

I think the smartest thing would be to call the oncologist

And there it is right there-- you really do know what to do. You posted over and over during the chemo that you wanted us all to trust what our bodies are telling us. If that is what you think is the smartest thing to do, apparently you need also to trust your mind's answer to what you body is saying?

I know-- it does not FEEL like you know what to do-- that's normal for most of us!-- but under the fear and panic is the same very smart lady the rest of us know, made even wiser by the cancer experience.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:10 PM

I think I read somewhere that it takes upwards of a year for all of the healing to finish after major surgery. The tissues are rejoined and all of that, but for the area to stabilize after my surgery, I am sure I went for quite a long time wondering about the tinges or aches I experienced.

On a different surgery, a bunion on my right foot a couple of years later, I remember being able to more closely observe the healing. The surgery area was smaller, it was where I could see it, I could tell how my foot felt and behaved, etc. Again, I'd say it took a year before it seemed healed, and I know it was at least that long before the ultimate test for me - that I could use that foot on a shovel to dig in my garden. Prior to that the foot ached if I tried that move.

You're just far enough past the surgery that it seems like everything should be back up to speed, but it isn't, and it won't be for several months yet. Be careful not to strain anything, etc.

Relax and let your body and your spirit heal. Your mileage may vary from what I've described, but it takes more time than you've given it so far. Give yourself a hug, give Pete and Jeremiah each a hug, and don't overdo with the canning.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:41 PM

{{{ HUGS }}} dear Michelle. Yes, call the oncologist- why wait? And take that baby out and savor every precious moment.

I'm not trivializing your very real anxiety when I offer you this a quote from a funny comedienne, Loretta Laroche:
Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery.
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the Present!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 04:28 PM

Five and a half years later, I still get twinges and sudden pains in my chest. The tissues they have to cut through are so deep, we are bound to feel stuff for quite awhile, as SRS says.

Until a year ago, this time, I didn't realise I was also suffering from PTSD; diagnosed by a psychologist/therapist. It's something most docs know about, but don't say anything about. Therapy really helped me to live with it until it lessened. Willingly putting our bodies within someone else's hands, literally, surrendering, if you will, completely, and not knowing if our lives will continue or to what extent they might continue, can have profound psychological effects on us. After checking with the oncologist, etc. you might ask them about therapy to help you through these episodes. Just a suggestion, as SRS said, YMMV.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 06:06 PM

Hi Everybody,

Thank you for the suggestions. I have discussed the ongoing anxiety with my oncologist and he gave me a huge script for Xanax. That's all well and good but it also makes me REALLY tired and I can NOT function that way with the baby so I don't take it. He also said that at my next appointment (which is a month from today unless I call on Monday for something sooner), we can talk about seeing someone to help me deal with the anxiety. It's not ALL the time but when it hits, it's bad. My head knows that more than likely I am fine as that is what all the tests say and the doctors are telling me but there's a voice inside of me that lives primarily in my chest and gut that says....what if? And I am blessed with an imagination that loves to RUN. So....maybe talking with someone about PTSD is something that will help.

Maybe the fiber will help too. LOL.

I love you people!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 07:16 PM

Drugs are the easy out for physicians to recommend, too easy, in my opinion (and the following is my opinion - based on growing up in a household of a psychiatric social worker practitioner.) And you do have an infant to care for, you can't be zonked.

Freud called psychotherapy "the talking cure" for a good reason - it is indeed a cure. The drugs aren't a cure, they defer the problem until later.

It has been said that talking to a good friend can be as therapeutic as counseling. Getting it off your chest, looking at it from different angles. I went into counselling a couple of times when I was college age, and before the divorce, and found it helped me to understand what I was feeling. It also gave me a process to work through things on my own. That residual effect of counselling is worth its weight in gold.

Whether you find a cancer survivor's support group, a new best friend, or a counselor, I hope you'll find something, and soon, so you don't have to go the drug route. You'll feel better in the long run.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 04:08 PM

I'm with you about the drugs. I only take the Xanax when I absolutely can't function due to panic and when Pete is home. I will NOT take it when I have Jeremiah here by myself. I don't like to take it at all, really. It doesn't ever fix what has caused my panic but rather allows my body to have a break....slows my heartbeat, steadies my breathing, makes me sleep....then when I wake up I get a second shot at dealing with whatever.

I have talked to someone locally but I think I'd like to make an appointment with someone who deals with cancer patients on a regular basis.....preferably someone who has had heard You Have Cancer themselves (not that I'd wish that on anybody...but my thinking is just that they might have a more clear understanding of the panic if they've been there themselves). I think this is part of the path....

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 07:12 PM

I haven't really followed this thread..are you having panic attacks? You also mentioned diabetes. You also mentioned bread machines and various high carb dishes..bad combination all the way around. If blood sugar becomes unstable the body will release adrenaline to force some changes and the adrenaline rush can be the panic attack. What makes blood sugar unstable? Carbs. If you are diabetic, you need to find a doctor who really understands carbohydrate metabolism in diabetics (and diabetes is a way of telling you that you do not metabolize them in high numbers) and good luck finding such a doctor because they are scarce and will keep telling you bad information. Read Dr. Rob Thompson of Seattle..has some books out for those with diabetes and metabolic syndrome. The informaton is out there..and shouted down by medical establishment. Also read Dr. Gerald Raven? of Sanford University Medical Center endocrinology. And have your insulin levels tested, notjust blood sugar..

So anyway, you have all this plus have been through cancer and of course are worried about things, plus a new baby. LThis all interacts wih stress, cortisol, adrenaline..add in PTSD from surgery etc..more stress..the s in ptsd stands for stress which stands for endocrine hormones..probably mainly cortisol and adrenaline but also insulin ...if you are taking insulin that is another factor...

So..I can not offer medical advice but I suspect part of this is a blood sugar problem and the absolute recommendation I would make is to quit eating bread period..does not matter if white, brown, whole wheat..has to do with not just denaturing but also of grinding and air surface etc. So read up and see if there is any reason int he world you should eat anythjing with white flour. I would cold turkey it. OK carbs for some are lentils, beans etc, buckwheat which is a herb they say..depends on body how much we can tolerate. My body tolerates basically zero and fights like crazy to keep weight on..

What stabiizes blood sugar? fats. I find bacon is a wonder drug for me. Depending on your ancestry, try it in salads tc..not with any carbs. If some people get carbs low enough even with high fat diet they can lose weight..and it gets harder as your body gets more damaged. It is way harder for me now to even maintain high weight but I stay off drugs at least. When I say carbs I mean carbs with calories, such as sugars and starches, and Dr. THompson, whom I go to, says starches are the worst because we evolved to handle a small amou8nt of sugars from fruit and honey, but we (at least Northern Euuopean we) did not evolve for grains as well, particuarl wheat, hence all sorts of problems with celiac disease, perhaps even schizophrenia etc. Meditteranean ancestry is different and can tolerate some wheat.

Well, that is my suggestion..you are probably going through a natural process of unstable blood sugar caused by high stress and doctors that encourage you to eat some standard diabetic diet that istoo high incarbs for your particular body, especially a body under great stress. So there is no reason to eat bread unless you are an active lumberjack so I would try giving that up totally and seeing if your blood sugar numbers don't get better,your medications drop (you must measure things carefully) and your panic attacks don't lessen. Eating right before bed..something with protein, fiber and fat, like celery sticks and cream cheese, can often help till morning, especially if you have nightmares, panic attacks at night etc. mg

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 09:22 PM

Duly noted. I'm not a big bread eater so no worries there. My husband, however, IS and wants homemade bread for his lunches....hence the breadmaker. I do eat some of it, maybe 1 or 2 slices per loaf. I do, however, love potatoes and fruit which is where most of my carbs come from. I am diabetic and they are indeed messing with my meds...never thought about the higher blood sugars and their involvement in where I'm at.

My anxiety comes from fear of the cancer spreading or coming back and the what ifs that follow that train.

I did have a lot of carbs today and really should reign that in. Arg. Thanks for the suggestions. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 10:41 PM

I second the celery and cream cheese before bed. It's not that many WW points and is very satisfying, for me. About the only bread I eat is Ezekiel raisin bread, approved by the kidney specialist and a a slice or two of oat nut bread which is really tasty. I know my Rog needs to cut back on carbs and Susan Weed, in her Wise Woman Way books recommends cutting out ALL white foods, i.e. white flour, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc.

I am glad you are going to talk with someone. I don't think I'd be too strict about whether they have been through something similar, but more that they have effective experience in treating PTSD. Just my opinion, though, of course.

Oh, and I understand not wanting to take xanax with the baby and all. I do still take one at night...my own reasons..I am being patient with myself...sometimes that's the hardest thing of all!:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 10:58 PM

I'm not much of a night time snacker as my husband gets home late and we have a late dinner.

I did go to talk to someone at a nearby cancer center (closer than where I travel to) and she just kind of sat there and looked at me. No suggestions were given other than to try and take things a day at a time, to find a support group and to try journaling. I already do those things. She was a very kind woman but not at all helpful. I don't know what I expect....well...yes I do. I want some answers. I want to make the anxiety and cancer disappear forever. I want to know that I'm going to be ok. And no one can give me those answers. No one.

Anyway. I am sick of hearing this stuff in my own head...can't imagine what you all must be thinking. It will be fine. I will be fine.

Got to see a friend this evening who has had cancer and lost his hair before I did and has his normal hair back now. After church, I grabbed a hold of him and took off my chemo cap (my head was cold tonight...had the hat on most of the day) and said, "Hey Lou.....I've ALMOST got more hair than you!" He smiled a big hug and ran his hands through my hair commenting on soft it is.

:) Thanks Buddy. I needed that. I needed that familiar knowing smile tonight.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 11:07 PM

Great advice, Mary. Thanks for posting citations (names of authors). I suspect it will help more than just Michelle.

Michelle, you just illustrated how close you still are to this with your remark about seeing your friend in church. You still have short hair, you're still really close to the process. I'm sure all of this will relax as time passes. Hugs, kiddo, and get a good night's sleep.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 08:38 AM

Dear Michelle

I know you are anxious about your health. Completely understandable given what you have been through. Hope you are also looking into ways of managing the anxiety as it is an unhealthy stress.

I am not not advocating complacency re how your body feels. Do all you can to define and treat the causes of pain. Just pay special attention to avoiding the worry about the pain.

I know it is very difficult. Recommending that you immerse yourself in activity is pointless, as it is clear from your posts that you do keep yourself extraordinarily busy. Having a little one about the house is certain to help with that.

Maybe try to keep your focus completely in the moment when you are busy, rather than letting the niggling worries grow into a black hole that sucks up everything in your life at the present moment.

Rereading this post makes me feel a bit too preachy naggy.... but it is sent with much love and concern to the Michelle you need to be. The person you are for yourself and those who love and need you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Ebbie, housesitting
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 11:27 AM

Might it help if you went back to the beginning of this thread and followed the journey from Day One? If you haven't cut and pasted them,before, creating a document chock full of symptoms and outcomes, hints, tears and laughs and hugs and sadnesses and happinesses, laments and gratitudes, at the very least will change your mood and mindset and might just re-charge your batteries.

{{{{hug}}}

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: mg
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 03:34 PM

Read up on a German doctor..Johanna Budwig I think...who treated cancer patients with a mixture of something similar to cottage cheese mixed with flax oil..I imagine you could add a few low-carb berries...anyway, something to do with sulpher bonds and she has great results. It couldn't hurt..probably won't taste great but not awful either with a bit of fruit or chives or something and would be healthy regardless..would give you something else proactive to do against any recurrance. mg

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 03:59 PM

Yum. My acupuncturist advised me to have cottage cheese mixed with plain yoghurt and some fresh or frozen, unsweetened blueberries. It was really good, but too much protein for me, except for once in awhile.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 09:00 PM

Please watch and check this site out:
Georgia Ovarian Cancer Alliance

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 11:26 PM

Whatever this weird thing going on in my gut is, it's still going on. I'll be calling my surgeon (to talk to the nurse about the possibility of this being healing underneath the skin) and my oncologist. It's just too scarey to NOT call. I am NOT messing with this.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 04:10 AM

It could be scar tissue - did you have a drain near there?
I still have a lump under my arm near where the drain was.
They tell me it will go away - eventually.
I still get twitches and aches from around the scar that used to be my left boob but it's beginning to settle down and most of the time I can just forget about it.
Soon it will just be a bad dream!
XOXOXO
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 05:01 PM

I finally got to talk to my surgeon's head nurse...she said she'd talk to him and call me back tomorrow....however, she called talked to him and called me back maybe 20 minutes ago. From my description, she says he is not overly concerned, especially because my last CA-125 was well within limits but that if I wanted to come in, he'd gladly see me. I have an appointment with him first thing next week and he said he'd feel around and check out my belly. I love this man and trust him implictly. I feel better knowing he isn't concerned and will feel MUCH better after he's had a chance to look and feel around. They think that it's probably adhesions and food moving through is irritating it. That, I can live with.

I also feel better knowing that I have an appointment to have this looked at.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 08:58 PM

good news

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 09:57 PM

I also feel better knowing that I have an appointment to have this looked at.

This is a hot clue that the anxiety is connected (TBTG) through your thinking-brain center-- that doing what your best thinking says is needful is actually helping to reduce the anxiety.

If you still decide to talk with a counselor, that will be an important clue to share, when it comes to planning strategies to reduce the anxiety-- and lucky you! It's a very good thing.

It is also a very strong indicator that trusting yourself (and IMO your Lord) is a very practical and reliable thing to do. :~)


This means that the next time you feel like you do not know what to do, you might find it helpful to remind yourself that a feeling, however strong, is not as reliable as your own best thinking... that your best thinking does eventually make itself clear... and that when it IS clear, it is good to act upon it... and that when you do, it helps.


It's all related to that little trick I taught you during the worst of the V-stress-- the mindful decision to put your attention on a particular place of positivity to move away from the confusion caused by pain? At the time, you implemented that by starting the wonderful "Today is a good day because..." thread. And it worked very well for you during a really bad time. It was the act of a strong, wise woman-- you.

Trust THAT woman, who is even stronger and wiser now, and you cannot go wrong.

~Susan

CC: Cn CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 12:54 AM

iF YOU FEEL ILL AND ARE NOT SURE IT IS WITHIN ACCEPTABLE "NORMAL" LIMITS, RUN DON'T WALK TO YOUR DOCTOR BOTH FOR AN EXPERT OPINION AND SOME REASSURANCE.
dAMN cAPSLOCK!
aLICE IS ON THE KEYBOARD AGAIN.
bY THE WAY, lILY, IF HE OFFERS YOUY SOME aMBIEN, i WILL TAKE IT. tHE OLDER THE BATCH, THE BETTER.
mUCH LOVE.
sins, BACK FROM THE gETAWAY.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Oct 10 - 09:01 PM

I went to see my surgical oncologist today and I left with good news. :) My bloodwork from last time looks good and my exam went well. He did tell me that it's possible I would have some strange pains from the surgery as my insides have been rearranged. If I'm still feeling this at my next appointment, he said they might consider a scan but at this point he doesn't think it's necessary.

:) HOORAY!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 10 - 09:12 PM

Yippee!!!

Now, quite fretting, okay?:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Oct 10 - 09:18 PM

How do you spell "cancer survivor"???

Great new news, Michelle...

"Hey" to the little guy...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 01:11 AM

definitely good news

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 01:39 PM

These updates are wonderful and life-affirming. I suspect you have a lot of readers who never make a peep, who have benefited from all of this. So the continuing news adds to the richness of the thread. Thanks!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 11:36 AM

Tomorrow I'm off to visit my chemotherapy oncologist, have my port accessed and flushed and to discusss a few side effects I've been experiencing. I'll also find out (the following day) what my CA-125 is. I am praying for low numbers.

Anxiety level is pretty high today.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 11:41 AM

It's not based in reality. The reality is in Jeremiah's eyes. (Stay there.)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 12:44 PM

distraction from anxiety then... what trick or treat plans have you? staying in a greeting the kiddies? dressing up and going out?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 01:27 PM

VT,

   Actually, I've been cleaning. Reading when the baby is sleeping and now that he is awake, he is having a bottle after playing in his crib while I rearranged the nursery and packed up more clothes that no longer fit. I also found a stash of larger winter things that I had tucked away and forgotten about...good thing because I am in need of winter jammies for my boy (he has sleep bags but those are kinda miserable to play in or snuggle in before bedtime as he can't move his legs about as he'd like.
    His little Halloween costume hangs upstairs in his room and we had had plans of going out last night (parade and to visit Nana and a few friends in his costume) but it was cold and he's had a little cough so we decided to stay in.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 03:55 PM

Perhaps dressing him in his costume and answering the door with him a couple of times so he can see the kids in costumes would be fun. He'll take a reading from you, so if you're happy at the door, I think he'll enjoy the activity. You might vet the traffic through a window, not scare him with the zombie traffic, etc. I wouldn't do it for long, he'll get tired, but for his first Halloween it would be nice to dress up and be seen! When my kids were little, up until probably about four years old, they only trick or treated to a few family friends right there in the neighborhood, and they were finished.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 07:28 PM

we need a pic of Jeremiah in his suit! (please)

sending wishes for good readings & a bit of halloween fun.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 08:04 PM

Well, I've worked myself silly physically today and even did some yoga in the middle of my kitchen. I wore myself out and that is a good thing....helps to ease the anxiety.

My nearest neighbors are sheep so unless they are dressing up and looking for candy, we won't have any trick or treaters up here on the mountain (although I have been surprised by a few students some years).

Since Jeremiah's costume goes over his clothes, I am thinking about dressing him up to meet up with my mom tomorrow so she can see him in it. I'll be taking pictures for sure....the camera battery is charging as I type. I may post a few photos but I've been working on a very large montage and maybe I'll just include the photos there. Should I tell you what he's going to be for the day after Halloween? Nah...let's let it be a surprise. Depending on the day, I may take him into the clinic all dressed up. It's an amazing thing to see how people waiting for chemo or to have their ports accessed perk up at the site of a smiling baby....you can't help but smile back...it's contagious. :) And in turn, that makes my heart happy.

I normally take my oncologists fresh eggs but my hens are really troubled with all the gas drilling activity going on and are not laying as often as they had been so this time I am taking homemade applesauce, dilly green beans a few cookies that just came out of the oven...an odd combination but one that I know he will love anyway. :) My chemo oncologist is a homesteader wanna be...love him. And another thing...with ALL the people he sees (and there are A LOT), he KNOWS me. He REMEBERS me. Where most of the time a nurse will come to the very large waiting room and call a name, waiting for that patient to get up and go into the offices in the back, my doctor comes to the door, looks around, points to me and wiggles his finger. He KNOWS who he is looking for and I love that I am not a number in his book. :)

In addition to working myself silly, I took a Xanax. My husband is home to tend to the wee one (besides, it's just about bedtime) and there is no need for me to have this panicky feeling if I don't have to...that is why I have the meds in the first place. :)

Thanks for all the PMs.....you guys are the best. <3

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 08:52 PM

I received an early morning phone call from the clinic that my doctor was sick and not coming in today so my appointment has been rescheduled for tomorrow.


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 09:01 PM

Thanks, Michelle. Sail on!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 09:02 PM

Good luck with it.

My dentist seems kind of like your oncologist. For last week's appointment I took him a big eggplant that I picked right before I left the house.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 11:00 PM

Good health practitioners are treasures.

I never warmed to the specialist who didn't read my notes before delivering the basic 'Don't Do' list of his speciality/my condition each time I saw him. Had he read my notes he would have realised almost all of those Don't's were things I already didn't do & in some cases had never done.

I also didn't appreciate him telling my Dr that he knew I wouldn't follow his (useless in my physio's opinion) advice so I could come back & get his next suggestion (ie pay for another appointment!) So I never went back & kept following my physio's advice & life is good.

My cancer surgeon has a very good surgery/bedside manner. He laughs & jokes & I trust him. I've never thought of feeding him - tho I could probably pull a blossom off one of my flowering plants when I see him next week. Or give it to his receptionist.

sandra (eagerly awaiting the pics)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 04:32 PM

My appointment went well. My favorite nurse was working in the lab today so she accessed my port (and she's SO good at it...both getting that giant fish hook needle in AND out...sometimes the out part is VERY ouchie) and they drew 8 or 9 vials of blood. I try not to watch (there is a window conveniently by the chair so I stare out at all the cars and a big white house on the hill) and she is really good about distracting me with conversation while it's all going on. She gives me smiles, conversation and hugs...how can I not love her?

So. Then it was on to the oncologist. My CBC counts were good and I can FINALLY (it's been since last December) shave my legs and arm pits!!!! I'm SURE that's what you ALL wanted to hear but seriously, I am excited about that!! I swear I can feel the hair on my legs blow in the breeze sometimes!!!! I can also go back to vitamins and fish oil! Some of the side effects are just going to be for now as the chemo continues to work it's way out of my body (last chemo was in June!). He said things look good but the final word will be the number read-out which will come sometime tomorrow and he promised to call with it.

I asked about a number of things and it turns out that it was smart of me to see my surgical oncologist a few weeks back because I had ongoing pain in my abdomen for more than 5 days. YAY. I asked about symptoms of recurrance or things to note and call them about and will make a list of it so I don't forget or when I get nervous, I can look at it to remember. Ongoing abdominal or pelvic pain that is persistant for more than 5 days. Bloating. Bleeding of any kind. Involuntary weight loss. Lack of appetite. Of course, these are also the symptoms of ovarian cancer (just in case you didn't know).

The clinic usually has some kind of fund raiser going on. Today they were selling beautiful pink Longaberger bags (cloth) that are for breast cancer awareness..they are pink and have really a lovely design on them. I purchased 3 to share with friends who are currently going through treatment for breast cancer. The color for ovarian cancer is teal...so today I wore my teal ribbon (metal) pin and donned 4 teal strings of mardi gras beads! The nurses loved it and it made me feel that ovarian cancer was being represented in the building too (although now that October is over, breast cancer awareness has changed to lung and pancreatic cancers). I love that breast cancer awareness is HUGE and money is pouring in for research but let us be aware and ever mindful that breast cancer is only ONE of MANY kinds of cancer and they ALL need funding for research!!!

Anyway...like I said, my results are due tomorrow.

Thanks to all of you who listen and offer support....that is so incredibly important!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 09:36 PM

I'm glad you are one member of such a supportive and joyful medical team, Michelle. It makes such a difference to each partner in the battle!

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 11:40 AM

CA-125 Levels (Tumor marker) has dropped from 14.8 to 14.6!!!!!

This is wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM

Yes!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!

Congratulations!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 05:10 PM

That's wonderful news Michelle. Thanks for letting us share the good news.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 09:52 AM

Oh, simply marvelous! Hooray, hooray!
(I'm here, just very busy!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 05:33 PM

adding my cheers to the chorus

hugs

sandra