Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY

Subject: Lyr Add: THE OLD MAID STOOD BY THE FIRE
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 01:24 PM

BAWDY SONG ALERT!!!

This vile song is another from the singing of our old family friend Dennis Puleston from Long Island, NY, as remembered by my mother:


OLD MAID STOOD BY THE FIRE, THE

(From the Singing of Dennis Puleston, circa 1950?s, as remembered by Dahlov Ipcar
Tune: similar to that of "The Good Ship Venus")

The old maid stood by the fire,
The old maid stood by the fire;
There was no one there but the old tom cat
So she lifted her skirts up higher.

Chorus:

She lifted her skirts up higher,
She lifted her skirts up higher;
There was no one there but the old tom cat
So she lifted her skirts up higher.

The cat for a rat did take it,
The cat for a rat did take it;
He made one spring at the hairy thing,
And, by God, how he did shake it! (CHO)

The old maid pissed and farted,
The old maid pissed and farted;
She made such a din that the neighbors rushed in,
And the cat and the quiff were parted. (CHO)

They sent for the famous physician,
They sent for the famous physician;
He said, "Dear me, it is plain to see
He has bit right through the partition." (CHO)

Now ye maids who stand by the fire,
Now ye maids who stand by the fire;
There are much better stunts you can play with your cunts
Than to raise the tom cat's ire. (CHO)

I've found no sign of this song in my searches. It appears to be in grave danger of becoming extinct. Therefore I'm posting it here in the hope that it will strike a responsive chord in some sensitive younger person.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: greg stephens
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 01:35 PM

Thank you Charley, for this gem. I'm doing some workshops with primary schools at the moment, this looks about right for the ten-year olds.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 01:46 PM

Greg-

Sure! Ten-year olds would love it. Not sure about their parents.

Well, you could also call it a seasonal song. You remember as the evening grew colder, how we all used to draw closer to the roaring fireplace.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 01:47 PM

As reported in another thread, a similar misfortune befell me when my kitty, LuLu, crawled under the blankets on a cold winter night. I did not see a physician - too embarrassed. I should write a song about it, I guess.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 02:10 PM

Sinsull-

Who's to say if Dennis' song was based on a real incident?

Dennis by the way was originally from the UK. As an international sail adventurer he made his way around the world in the 1930's (read his recently reprinted book BLUE WATER VAGABONDS), and eventually settled on Long Island, NY. He trained our armed forces in WW II to use the novel amphibious landing craft the DUWD, co-founded the Environmental Defense League, and after his retirement gave lectures on wildlife to cruise tourists in Antartica, regaling them with his wonderful songs as they gathering around the bar in the wee hours.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: GUEST,Sandy Paton
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 11:53 PM

Take a look at Mehlman's website of bawdy songlore, Charlie Noble. He might want you to sing it for him over the phone. Up on the left near the top of the home page is a blue clickie inviting such calls. tell him Sandy sent you. I recorded several lewd lyrics for him. If i can do it, so can you!
    Sandy

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Flash Company
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

True story of a guy I worked with many years ago. He decided on a cold morning to get dressed in front of the fire, and his Jack Russell puppy made a grab for something it saw swinging!
When his wife had to ring in to explain why he had gone to the hospital, I'm still not sure whether she was crying or laughing!

FC

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:00 AM

The amphibious landing craft that Dennis and his friends managed to design and operationalize was the "DUKW," not the "DUWD." According to Milton Silverman who wrote an article in the Saturday Evening Post, April 20, 1946, p. 22, their idea did not meet with immediate acceptance:

"Rejected, blacklisted, pigeonholed, scoffed at by nearly every general in Washington, 'the truck that goes to sea' helped win the war only because three naive civilians wouldn't give up on it."

I've told John Mehlman that I'll be happy to sing this one to him but the tune is really the one I know for "The Good Ship Venus" and my mother now agrees with me.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: NH Dave
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:25 AM

Oddly enough - you can't keep a good DUKW down - the "Ducks" are ejoying a renaissance in places like Boston, Mass., and other scenic spots near water where they are being used to give amphibious tours of the area.

The craft, all reconditioned WWII DUKWs, have been only been restored enough to allow them to run on both the roads and the water, which means such luxuries like powering both sets of back wheels, or the "on the fly" adjustment of tire pressure have long gone by the boards - climbing out of the water onto a sand beach requires much lower tire pressure than running on roads - but they are in good enough shape, especially with their new pastel paint jobs, that they are a big tourist attraction in the areas wherever they operate.

Dave

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:00 PM

They have been used in the Wisconsin Dells since the early 70s for tourists. I rode in one in 1974.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:57 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 11:36 AM

I still haven't found any sign of this song in any printed source. John Mehlman suggested it was in Vance Randolph's "unprintable" songbooks but I couldn't find it there. He also thought it was in an Australian collection of bawdy songs, which doesn't surprise me. Maybe the title is significantly different.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: and e
Date: 20 May 23 - 07:34 PM

The old maid sat by the fah-yer
She pulled her skirts up hah-yer,
And left her ---- all bah-yer.
The old tom cat was thah-yer,
He saw that --- all bah-yer,
He gave a jump, and he grabbed that ----,
And he pulled like Hell at the hah-yer!
And now, old maid, take cah-yer,
Let not your ---- go bah-yer,
Or the old tom cat will grab that ----
And pull like Hell at the hah-yer!

"From a half crazy hostler in a livery stable in
Newtonville, spring of 1897. He had more, maybe I can
recall some later."

Charles E. Roe

Text #2561 in the Gordon Inferno Collection. The expurgation is in the original.

See online here:

https://archive.org/details/1917gordoninfernocollection/page/n147/mode/2up?q=maid



The tune used by Charlie Nobile is is "In and Out the Windows" and, yes, this is the same tune that is used for "The Good Ship Venus".

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: and e
Date: 20 May 23 - 07:51 PM

THE OLD MAID SAT BY THE FIRE

The old maid sat by the fire,
Her tom-cat sat beside her;
And when they were all alone,
She pulled her skirts up higher.
The cat saw something naked,
And for it a rat did take it;
So he took a swing at the old maid's ding
And marrily did shake it.

The maid she pooped and farted;
The cat he puked and snorted;
They made such a din
That the neighbors cam in
And soon the two were parted.
Now old maids all take warning:
Don't leave your dingoes bare,
Or some tom-cat may take it for a rat,
And pull out all the hair.

From 24 of an Untitled Marine Songbook, c1943.

See online here:

https://archive.org/details/1943untitledmarinesongbook/page/24/mode/2up?q=maid

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: and e
Date: 20 May 23 - 08:12 PM

THE OLD MAID SAT BY THE FIRE.

The old maid sat by the fire,
The Tom cat sat beside her,
The old maid sat, by the old tom cat,
And she lifted up her dress a little higher.
She lifted up her dress a little higher;
She lifted up her dress a little higher,
The old tom maid sat by the old tome cat,
And she lifted up her dress a little higher.

The cat for a rat did take it;
the cat for a rat did take it,
He made one spring at the old maid's thing,
And by Christ did he shake it;
And by Christ did he shake it;
And by Christ did he shake it,
He made one spring at the old maid's thing,
And by Christ did he shake it.

She screamed, she spat, she farted,
She screamed, she spat, she farted,
She made such a din that he neighbours rushed in,
And the cat and the cunt were parted.
The cat and the cunt were parted;
The cat and the cunt were parted,
She made such a din that the neighbour rushed in,
And the cat and the cunt were parted.

They sent for the learned physician,
To tell of the woman's condition.
He said with a grunt, as he gazed at her cunt,
"She's busted the fucking partition."
She's busted the fucking partition;
She's busted the fucking partition,
He said with a grunt, as he gazed at her cunt,
"She's busted the fucking partition."

Pg 32 of Mess Songs and Rhyes of the RAAF, 1945. RAAF = Royal Australian Air Force.

See online: https://archive.org/details/1945messsongsandrhymesoftheraaf/page/31/mode/2up?q=cat

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: and e
Date: 20 May 23 - 09:01 PM

Here is a recording of the song "The Old Maid Stood by the Fire" as sung by Charlie Noble, Feb 18, 2005.

The recording is available online at

https://archive.org/download/jack_horntip_collection_field_recordings/0900%20The%20Old%20Maid%20Stood%20By%20The%20Fire%20%5BAka%20Old%20Maid%20And%20Tom%20Cat%2C%20Tune_%20In%20And%20Out%20The%20Windows%5D.mp3

The tune is "In and Out the Windows" which is also used for "Good Ship Venus"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 21 May 23 - 06:22 PM

Unrelated, but interesting in this context , is the old Georgia verse (from Gid Tanner and His Silent Lickers) which I remember (perhaps inaccurately) as:

I'm going to get me bricks and stones,
Build my chimney higher,
Keep them doggone old tomcats
From pissin'* out my fire.

*I think Gid used the word "puttin'" here, but I know from other sources (Randolph, perhaps?) that the line is correct as usually rendered.

The Tanner ensemble included this in a song they called 'Build My Chimney Higher'. I don't recall the rest of the verses.

Bob

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Lighter
Date: 21 May 23 - 08:27 PM

More imaginative but also more sadistically misogynistic than "The Crabfish."


The sub rosa English magazine "The Pearl" (Aug., 1879) alludes to the same idea:

"He treats your poor innocent mouse like a rat
That’s touzled and claw’d, and devour’d by a cat."


Some contributors to Urbandictionary.com assert that this usage remains current.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Lighter
Date: 21 May 23 - 08:43 PM

Hi, Bob. The Australian poet Henry Lawson apparently heard the tomcats stanza in Sydney in the early 1880s, when he was thirteen or fourteen. As he recalled:

"Tom...would...whine... 'I wish I had a few more bricks - To build my chimney higher -" and the rest of it, and get the choir in full swing, to Grannie's great disgust. It was scandalous."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: GUEST,and e (no cookie)
Date: 21 May 23 - 09:07 PM

I have the verse

If I had more bricks and stones,
I'd build the chimney higher.
It would stop the landlord's cat,
From pissing in the fire.

As a verse of "Three Jolly Coachmen (aka Landlord Fill the Flowing Bowl).

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 May 23 - 08:23 PM

So nice to have this thread refreshed and significantly added to.

I also learned the other verse mentioned above a bit differently, as an extra verse for "Shady Grove" or "Get Along Home, Cindy":

I'm gonna get some sticks and stones;
Build my chimney higher,
So when that old Tom Cat comes by,
He won't put out my fire!

Cheerily,
Charlie Ipcar (formerly known as Charley Noble)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: and e
Date: 04 Dec 24 - 10:25 PM

SONG NO. 29

THE OLD MAID

The old maid sat by the fire
The tom cat sat beside her
she didn't give a damn for the old tom cat,
And she pulled her skirts up higher
And she pulled her skirts up higher
And she pulled her skirts up higher
She didn't give a damn for the old tom cat,
And she pulled her skirts up higher.

The tom cat saw it naked
And for a rat did take it.
He made on spring for the old maid's thing,
My god how he did shake it
My god how he did shake it
My god how he did shake it
He made on spring for the old maid's thing,
My God how he did shake it.

the old maid shit and started,
the tom cat spit and farted,
they made such a din
That the neighbors rushed in
And the cat and the quiff were parted
And the cat and the quiff were parted
And the cat and the quiff were parted
They made such a din
that the neighbors rushed in
And the cat and the quiff were parted.

They sent for a famous physician
To determine the old maid's condition.
He said with a grunt as he looked at her cunt
He's bit right through the partition
He's bit right through the partition
He's bit right through the partition
He said with a grunt as he looked at her cunt
He's bit right through the partition.

Now when you sit be the fire,
And pull you skirts up higher
There's a much better stunt
You can do with your cunt
Than arouse a tom cat's ire.
Than arouse a tom's ire,
Than arouse a tome cat's ire.
There's a much better stunt
You can do with your cunt
Than arouse a tom cat's ire.

Pg 24-25. A Collection of Sea Songs and Ditties by Dave E Jones. [undated, ca 1928].

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Old Maid Stood by the Fire -BAWDY
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Dec 24 - 01:44 PM

Nice to know that someone else was familiar with this vile old ditty.

I wonder if there is a connection with Dave E. Jones and our more contemporary singer of drinking songs and chanties that we know as David Jones.