BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: *daylia*
Date: 12 May 07 - 07:35 AM

Oh please, no more flippin commandments!   WE are already the most over-legislated people on the planet, with more laws per capita than any other nation! So how bout thou shalt NOT place any more flippin laws before me, eh!?!

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: *daylia*
Date: 12 May 07 - 07:44 AM

Oops, better toe the lawful line here, so...

Ne placez pas de lois plus damnées avant moi.

Salut!    :-)

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: *daylia*
Date: 12 May 07 - 07:50 AM

Oh, and always remember ...

Mangez un castor - sauvent un arbre.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Alice
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:23 AM

On winter vacation in Mexico, make sure natives know you are Canadian, not gringo.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:26 AM

In fact, do that when on vacation just about anywhere.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:31 AM

Covetez pas le two-four de votre n'est beurre....anh!

Don't covet the two-four of your is not butter???????????????????

Quelle dommage ma voisin n'est pas du beurre! J'ai plein du pain....

Ou, est-que votre voisin Madame du Beurre-y, peut-etre?

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:35 AM

Hey, man....two-fours are gettin' too expensive for most people now. It's a flippin' drag, eh? I wonder how the little brother is doin' on his love quest?

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 May 07 - 01:13 PM

For "n'est beurre" think Un petit d'un petit, as in the following Mots d'Heure, Gousses, Rames:
Un petit d'un petit s'etonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit a degre te falle
Indolent qui ne sorcesse
Indolent qui ne se mene
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout gai de Regainnes.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: bobad
Date: 12 May 07 - 01:13 PM

You're right Rap that shoulda been "nez beurre."

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,Alain Thebault, the mad trapper
Date: 12 May 07 - 04:42 PM

Bad things happen elsewhere (the USA,) not here]

When travelling, make say you are not american.

Wait your turn, No rush, why stress out, if not today, tomorrow

Poutine and Donairs are Canadian gourmet foods

Windshield antifreeze is a 12 month affair

Everyone knows We made the ski doo and the Canada arm

Guns kill people, not us

Quebec girlie bars rule

Tax, tax, and tax again

Nirvana is retire and become a snowbird

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: heric
Date: 12 May 07 - 09:43 PM

"In the mid-1990s, steadily rising prices rendered the two-four unattainable for all but the most affluent"

I can just imagine reading the society pages. . .

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Dickey
Date: 13 May 07 - 12:00 PM

In case anybody here is not aware of it, there is a great collection of Canadian MIDIs with lyrics sequenced by Barry Taylor of Victoria, British Columbia, The Great Canadian Tunebook, Here: http://members.shaw.ca/tunebook/nojavascript.htm

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Willie-O
Date: 13 May 07 - 01:25 PM

# whatever: We are the greatest people on earth due to our self-deprecating sense of humour.

W-O

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 May 07 - 02:00 PM

#More Whatever. They are also the most humble.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Peace
Date: 13 May 07 - 02:03 PM

Well, for sure with only ten commandments, people are gonna feel left out. British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Newfoundland, Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut: we need thirteen commandments.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 May 07 - 02:24 PM

At LEAST 13, eh?

Never shake yer beer bottle when the beer is warm.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Bee
Date: 13 May 07 - 04:24 PM

Thou shalt not drive thine four-wheeler up on the wife's flowerbeds in winter just because you can.

Thou shalt not pee in the snow just before maple syrup candy season.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's frost hardy perennials.

Snowmobiles are still not legal on the highway if you drive in the middle where all the snow is, thou shalt be apprehended and fined.

Thou shalt not serve really bad home-made beer and then make everyone use the camp outhouse. Drink Keiths'.

Thou shalt wear six layers of clothing from October unto June; yea verily shalt thou wear polyester-cotton, wool, jersey, more wool, quilted layer, and down in that order, and thou shalt wear a tuque on thy head.

Well, it's a start.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: heric
Date: 13 May 07 - 08:22 PM

"Top Ten" Commandments - gleaned from above. To recap with my faves:

Thou shalt wear a tuque and anorak in humility before God
Thou shalt not walk on slob ice
Thou art from Canada first, your province second* (applies only to Ontario, for others thou art from your province first, Canada second)
Be sure there's enough gas in the Skidoo
Thou shalt have no other gods but expatriates in entertainment
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's two-four
On winter vacation, make sure locals know you are Canadian güero (to impress them)
Thou shalt talk green and buy bottled water and farmed salmon
Thou shalt not covet the two-four of your brother's can't believe it's not butter
Thou shalt not put your tongue on the flagpole

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: artbrooks
Date: 13 May 07 - 08:38 PM

But don't forget, since Canadians are better than us mere mortals, they get three extra.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: heric
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:18 PM

You have to pay more than 50% of your gross income for ten years before the others can be revealed. I will neither confirm nor deny the spurious rumour that one of them concerns how many swings you can take at a seal puppy's head.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,Eduard
Date: 13 May 07 - 11:17 PM

!) What's the deal with the bilgy stuff they call USA beer?
2) If you are east of Quebec, does it make you a newfie?
3) We walk a mile for a beaver (beaver tail is something you eat).
4) Frost burn sex
5) Trunk shovels
6) Salt stained shoes and pants
7) National TV channel, the Weather Network
8) Dodging frost bumps and pot holes a national pass time
9) The Canadian side of Niagra falls rules
10) The glorious sound of early morning windshield scraping

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Peace
Date: 14 May 07 - 12:05 AM

"But don't forget, since Canadians are better than us mere mortals, they get three extra."

I was thinking more along the lines of one for each province and one for each territory. However, your reason sounds better. Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: 3refs
Date: 14 May 07 - 07:20 AM

#1-Keep your stick on the ice!

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: 3refs
Date: 14 May 07 - 07:31 AM

Exception for rule #1-unless your playing against Goldie Goldthorpe!

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,Edourd
Date: 14 May 07 - 04:01 PM

A puzzle to me:

Canadian beer and spirits are often seen as desirable, because of Canada's reputation for cold, clean water.

So, why the popularity of Corona? Is it due to Mexico's reputation for abundant clean water?

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 May 07 - 05:50 PM

I think Corona is popular mainly because it's Mexican. That makes it exotic and exciting. You can imagine yourself down in Mexico when you drink it, sitting in some little cafe and growling in a Pancho Villa type voice, "Dos servezas mas!" as the waiter looks your way.

It's an inexpensive foreign fantasy for all to enjoy, eh? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: artbrooks
Date: 14 May 07 - 06:09 PM

And besides, all them Canadian wimmin hanker for them Messican men.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Bert
Date: 14 May 07 - 08:03 PM

Thou shalt have an East Indian Grocery Store in every town.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 14 May 07 - 08:46 PM

And a flippin' Chinese chop Sooey joint! And a gas station that is run by a fambly from India or Pakestan.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:31 PM

Keep yer stick on the ice.
Keep yer head up.
Don't mess with the goalie.
Don't let the ref catch you doin that.
Don't argue with the ref.
Don't be late fer practice.
Don't drink until after the game.
Keep yer skates sharp and yer laces tight.
Never ferget yer cup.
Stop the puck first and worry about the pain later.

Amen.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Dickey
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:32 PM

A pome that we used to recite in high school comes to mind:

WARNING ADUKT CONTENT! TGHOSE UNDER !* QUIT READING IMMEDIATELY!

The Ballad of Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete--John "Dr. Dirty" Valby

Grab your glass and get your seat,
And I'll tell you about Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete!

Now, Lil was the village queen,
The fuckinest hoar you'd ever seen.
While some girls fucked with grace and ease,
Lil blew dick like the summer breeze.
But when she fucked, she fucked for keeps,
She piled her victims up in heaps.

There was a rumor 'round that town,
That no man could put Lil's ass down.
But way up north, where twin rivers meet,
Lived a one-balled half-breed, name Yukon Pete!

Pete was a dirty, motherless soul,
Who fucked bears, sheep and woodchuck holes.
He got a whip for Big-Ass Lil,
Packed up his rubbers, and came down the hill.
He strode into town on size 32 feet,
Dragging sixteen yards of that red-hot meat!

Well, the scene was set at windy mill,
By the brick shithouse, high on the hill.
All the ladies came for a ringside seat,
Just to watch that half-breed sink his meat.

Well, they fucked, and they fucked, and they fucked for hours,
Uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers.
Lil did front flips, back flips, stunts
All unknown to most common cunts.
But Pete caught on to every trick,
And kept on pumping in more dick!

Then Lil gave Pete a hoarhouse squeeze
That brought that half-breed to his knees.
But Pete came back with a Yukon grunt
That popped out her eyes, and split her cunt!

Well, Lil rolled over, cut two farts and sighed:
"Boys, I've been fucked," cut one more, and died.
When they asked that half-breed of his amazing feat,
He just said, "Boys, I'm going back to the Yukon, and beat my meat.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:38 PM

Good lord. I wonder how long that post will survive.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:39 PM

That should be a LYR ADD.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Dickey
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:59 PM

My warning was atrocious. I appologize. But Hey, it is a ballad. Perhaps there is a tune to go along.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: artbrooks
Date: 15 May 07 - 07:04 PM

Carricfergus? Or maybe Rosin the Bow - hell, everything else is done to that.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Jeri
Date: 15 May 07 - 07:09 PM

It may be a version of Poor Lil? (There's a 'Click to Play', but the MIDI's no werk.) That's adukt content as well.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST
Date: 15 May 07 - 11:09 PM

Let "er rip!

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 16 May 07 - 12:37 AM

Well, LH, I can't help you with any stereotypes, etc. I have little experience of Canada. I haven't been there since 1970. I did enjoy the trip, which was a drive around Lake Superior.

If you read mysteries, I recommend the novels about Benny Cooperman, the Canadian sleuth. I believe they are by Dean Kaplan. I like the way Benny is aware of the Niagara escarpment.

Another Canadian I am aware of is Mimi Blais. She isn't fictional, she is an incredible ragtime pianist from Montreal. If you can ever catch a concert by her, do so.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 16 May 07 - 12:44 AM

Here's a link to a picture of memorable Canadian place, the Ouimet Canyon. I saw it on that 1970 trip that I just mentioned.

http://www.hickerphoto.com/ouimet-canyon-1034-pictures.htm

Subject: BS: 18 commandments, en francais
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Sep 16 - 12:52 PM

Well, this is not what you asked for. There are eighteen of these, not ten.



1.    Le Chef a raison.

2.    Le Chef a toujours raison.

3.    Même si un subalterne a raison, les deux premières règles s'appliquent.

4.    Le Chef ne dort pas, il se repose.

5.    Le Chef ne mange pas, il se nourrit.

6.    Le Chef ne boit pas, il déguste.

7.    Le Chef n'est jamais en retard, il a été retenu ailleurs.

8.    Le Chef ne prend jamais des libertés avec son secrétaire, il fait son éducation.

9.    Le Chef ne quitte jamais son service, il a une réunion à l'extérieur.

10.   Le Chef ne lit jamais son journal pendant le service, il s'enforme pour protéger l'entreprise et donc les emplois de tous.

11.   Le Chef fait énormément des sacrifices pour ses subalternes; ils peuvent donc bien en faire en ou deux pour le Chef en retour.

12.   Le Chef a le droit d'être toujours de mauvaise humeur et d'insulter ses subalternes; c'est dû à son stress de Chef.

13.   On entre dans le bureau du Chef avec ses idées personnelles, on en ressort avec les idées du Chef.

14.   Le Chef est toujours le Chef, même en calecon de bain.

15.   Plus on critique le Chef, moins on a des primes.

16.   Ne jamais oublier que le Chef est obligé de penser pour tout le monde.

17.   Seul le Chef a une vision globale de l'entreprise.

18.   Si vous avez un doute, conformez-vous à la règle numéro 1.


from "L'encyclopédie des blagues", de divers auteurs

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Airymouse
Date: 05 Sep 16 - 07:01 PM

Honor thy neighbor as thyself, and if you build a wall along the border to keep him out, do not make him pay for it.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: bobad
Date: 05 Sep 16 - 07:17 PM

Lâche pas la patate.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 16 - 07:44 PM

Bobad... yep.

And... keep yer stick on the ice.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: mkebenn
Date: 06 Sep 16 - 11:46 AM

From an American. If you brought it up here and didn,t sell it, take it home. Mike

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Sep 16 - 08:24 PM

And what about poutine, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Sep 16 - 08:36 PM

I always thought of Canada as the default heroes of humanitarian rescue or supporters of human rights and sanctuary, especially when the USA turns its back for political and military reasons.

Canadians make claims that sound better than they are.
Like Grape pie is really just raisons.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Sep 16 - 07:29 PM

But mostly nothing ever happens in Canada

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Commandments of Canada???
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Sep 16 - 02:55 AM

#1 end every sentence with "eh?"

this compares with the stereotypical "look you?" of generic Wales which was firmly corrected in Monmouth (pronounced Munmuth) by a GF as "look see?". In Worcestershire we only "look?". In Spanish (Castillian) you hear a "no?" - no? In NZ it is often "Or! Yea". In Oz they just inflect "?".
In the Northampton (pronounced Norfamton) you are "me duck".

let us just call it verbal punctuation - eh?