BS: When We Were Pregnant

Subject: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 08 Jul 07 - 11:33 PM

In the thread on earliest memories, a few people share prebirth memories. I have often reflected on the differences between my experience of conscious contact with the fetus in my own two pregnancies. To get this going, I'll relate my own experiences in the next post. I'm very curious about what other women have experienced.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:46 AM

It was my observation (maybe it is just me?) that it is a heckuva lot easier to put the baby in there in the first place than to shift the bugger out at the end. I remember contemplating that along the way. :)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 01:03 AM

As I said above, I've been pregnant twice. During both preganancies I felt great, glowing, like the Earth Goddess, full of the energy of creation.

The first pregnancy was at age 35. I knew I was pregnant as soon as the fertilized egg attached to the uterine lining. Right from the very beginning, I had a very clear and conscious sense of connection with the fetus. A very clear and symbiotic awareness of the sentience of the being that was growing within me. At some very primal level, we communicated. I went into labor (and it was labor, not just bad cramping)at 16 weeks, and in hindsight, I could tell you just when that fetus died. During the 12 week of that pregnancy, I suddenly experienced a day full of fear, distress and dread that verged on panic. A few days later I commented to my husband that I no longer had that strong conscious connection with the fetus. We were packing up to move back to NC from our winter in the Keys. I had my last visit with the Florida OB just before that day of dread. I was scheduled to see my new OB on the day I started spotting. The ultrasound he did indicated a placenta the right size for 12 weeks. The fetus had been dead long enough to have been reabsorbed into my own body and bloodstream.

After that I couldn't get pregnant. I worked with a fertility doc until I was 40. Then I started into early menopause, and we hung up the towel on having children. 2 years later, at age 42, I took a home preganancy test as a precaution because it had been an usually long interval between menstrual periods even considering I was going through menopause. It was positive. I was shocked. The preganancy itself was wonderful, and I was ever mindful that a new life was within, but I never had the conscious connection and communication with my son in utero that I experienced with that first pregnancy.

So ladies....what are your stories of the children in your wombs?

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 02:57 AM

That is a lovely story, Janie. Sad, yes, but life affirming and warm.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:06 AM

I never had a connection with the foetus such as you describe, but with my first pregnancy at 38 I felt incredibly contented and cow-like. Since I was of an age where the risk of problems was much greater, I was offered amniocentesis and we thought seriously about it but I was absolutely certain that everything was well with the baby and that the amnio would be the greater risk. I KNEW that there was nothing wrong. So we didn't have the test and everything was fine. With my second baby when I was 43 I was certain, again that there was no problem but we had the amnio anyway, partly because the risk had increased considerably and partly because any problem would have been more of a problem since we had another child to consider. Again...no problems.

I've known many women who were absolutely certain of the gender of the baby too, though I wasn't

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:56 AM

About 3 years ago I was told I couldn't have children, that my PCOS was advanced and if I wanted to have children then I would have to have fertility treatment of which I would be eligable for on the NHS at some point or I would have to pay for it and all they could do was treat the symptoms. I always thought it would be a given that I could have children and that it would be my choice if I decided not to take option. But I felt the option was taken away from me and I was with someone who didn't want children at all so I mourned the loss of what could have been by myself then got on with life, festivalling and work.

Then I fell pregnant. I had no idea I was pregnant and it was only when my new partner said that I should take a pregnancy test to make sure, that I found out. I suffered from morning sickness for 4 months then over night it disappeared. I found it hard to believe that I was going to have a baby and I was frightened that it would be taken away from me before I even got to meet him.

It was wonderful to see my baby on the 4 scans throughout my pregnancy and it was only when he started moving that I felt a connection with him. It wasn't the easiest of pregnancies, I had a fall at 34 weeks but the baby was thankfully fine and my asthma was very bad which resulted in me being admitted to hospital at various times thoughout the pregnancy. Both Paul and I spoke to him and sang to him before he was born and we are continuing to do that now that he is with us.

We call him our little miracle because against all odds he is here and has brought a huge amount of sunshine into ourlives. I feel complete as a person and we feel complete as a family.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 10:54 AM

I adopted my son so my pregnancy lasted over two years with strangers coming and going, measuring rooms, checking the fridge and under the beds. Our visits were supervised, the adoption was constantly threatened by a mentally ill social worker until I involved a lawyer. Right up until the moment a judge made us a family, Lawrence could have been taken from me. I didn't get to name him. But when all was done, he was my son, certainly more mine than the woman who bore him.

Looking back, it was more like being in labor for two years. Looking back I would not have done anything differently. Motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to me.

SINS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 01:05 PM

Sniff. Thanks for sharing such heartening stories.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:01 PM

However different, yes, motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to me too. Until 12 months before Richard was born, I didn't want children and had never really contemplated having them. Am I glad I changed my mind at the 11th hour!

Now you remind me Khatt, I did find it a little hard really to believe I was pregnant until I felt him move. Then suddenly he became a real being to me.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:15 PM

I knew within a few days that I was pregnant both times and I was also an older mom (mid-30s).

I didn't have morning sickness, but I had this odd relationship with meat for a few months. I couldn't stand the smell of it cooking. I could buy it, I could set up the kitchen, but my husband had to cook it while I went to another part of the house or outside. After it was cooked I could come back and put it in whatever it was going to be part of (hamburger in spaghetti sauce, for example) or carve a roast, etc. I could eat it.

Both were full term normal deliveries, though my son (at 38 weeks) had the anomaly of premature lungs and spent two weeks in the NICU. Ten years earlier and he would have been much less likely to have survived, so we were lucky for the times we live in.

(And I was correct per my first quip in this thread--though my labor and delivery was relatively fast--3 hours hard labor on the first, 1.5 hours on the second, it was still hard work!)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:45 PM

My daughter and her husband waited five years before they decided it was time to have a baby. Then it was twins (Which was quite an event for an only child and the youngest in his family. My daughter had babysat but never for an infant.)

When the second baby had still not come out - 45 minutes hard labor after the first - she sobbed, I don't want to do this any more.


Her doctor said, If the little girl isn't out in five minutes I'm going to do a Caesarean.

Aghast, my daughter produced Alison.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:46 PM

Re: moving babies.
When Alice was almost full term with her kittens she loved to sit on my lap and have me stroke her tummy while the babies kicked around inside her. I used to talk and sing to them. I really did enjoy her kittens.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM

My first and third pregnancies were very similar even down to them being at the same time of year (26th Feb and 1st March). I was convinced they were both girls and sure enough was right, Natasha and Maddie ten years apart. The second pregnancy I knew straight away i was pregnant and started craving piccalilli of all things. It was completely different from the other two and resulted in my son, Alec. I knew just as quickly that I was pregnant with my fourth but at around 10 weeks woke up one morning and said to Geoff ' I don't feel pregnant anymore' A scan confirmed that the baby had died several days later. Within a month I was throwing up on a fairly regular basis and had a mouth full of iron filings. I knew something was up!! Eight months later the twins arrived!!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 04:38 PM

It's a funny thing, but whenever I mention prebirth memories, out pour the stories of women's pregnancies. I don't mean that I want credit for this thread-- I mean that it happens IRL every time, without fail, to the point where I can't get a word in edgewise, nor want to.

However it may be of interest to some that I once led a support group about prebirth memories, and we had some really fun games. One time each person took a turn being the fertilized egg zooming down to be fertilized. Another fun game was when everybody pretended to be a single spermatozoa getting ready to make the run to the ovum. "Here I am leaving all my buddies to go into the great unknown," was the common theme among turns; the turns varied in being fun, or scary, or whatever mood you can imagine.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: GUEST,Ebbie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 05:03 PM

My guess is that the successful spermatozoa is an arrogant critter.

By the way, Susan, I should think that this thread has room for all the varied aspects of birth. Like the best conversations it can flow.

I tried one time to elicit a stream of consciousness thing from a girl celebrating her 9th birthday. Her father and 3 or 4 others had encircled her, creating a tube.

On impulse I said, Emily, does this remind you of anything?

And she said, 'Well, it's awfully warm. And tight.'

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 05:32 PM

It's a funny thing, but whenever I mention prebirth memories, out pour the stories of women's pregnancies.

So? It's all tied together. The thread title is "When We Were Pregnant." Have I or we missed something? Is this only to include the kicking, and not the arrival?

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 05:50 PM

I'm still waiting for my 'mothering' instincts to kick in.

I was another one who didn't want a child until it looked like the possibility had been removed... it took over 3 years to get the Limpit.

Then, when it was confirmed, I just felt sick for 7 months. There was one moment in the October (about 4 months pregnant) when I leaned over the table and she pushed back - the first time I felt her move... that felt weird, more alien than maternal.

I still maintain she's an alien.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 06:00 PM

SRS, READ what I posted.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 07:34 PM

I 'grokked' that first baby, and always thought of the fetus as a 'she'. Often I have wondered if the difference in the connectedness was gender related. I had the ammnio done with my 2nd pregnancy, as much because I knew I was going to need time to get my mind around the idea of a son if the baby was male. It was.

Sins - that was two years of hard labor you went through.

If my husband had not wanted children so badly, I don't think I would have cared one way or the other. It was the hormones that made me maternal, no doubt about it. He wanted to adopt, but I knew I was lacking in the maternal instinct sans the hormone bath of pregnancy.   I am still not a 'child' person.   Not a 'natural born' parent. I work very hard to be a 'good enough' (Thank you Margaret Mahler) parent, but it does not come naturally.

Keep the stories coming!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Diva
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 08:16 PM

I remember shocking my late mother in law when i told her I didn't want children, she was showing me the family christening robe at the time. Then after we married we found out there was a genetic problem in my then husbands family, so we decided we probably would not have children as there is a one in four chance that our baby would have the same condition. Then the hormones took over and the pills went out the window and i conceived straight away. It was lovely but we had to do the CVS tests to check for the myotonic dystrophy and for ten weeks we had a joyous time. On Wednesday Dec 21 1988 we got the news we didn't want by Friday it was all over and Christmas Eve saw us going up to my mums on the back road from Langholm to Lockerbie, a road we always used, past the nose cone of Pan Am 103. Don't remember much of that Christmas.

By the may of 89 I'd decided we'd try again and sure enough I 'fell' first time we tried. I was sick once. Did the tests and ignored them, the docs in Edinburgh were marvellous as they'd been before and kept a close eye on us. I loved being pregnant. I had a notion that i was having a girl and bloomed the whole time and sung and talked to my bump which we named Zeefod..yep after the two headed alien in Hitch Hikers Guide. Had a great time went to festivals and dances and had a bump that kicked in time to the tunes. That Christmas we went up home to mum and i thought jane was coming early as we'd been to the Girvan Folk Club Christmas Party and in my lovely red frock, which i now realise made me look like a post box..I danced and sang and had a ball. Ended up with the most awful wind and sat up all night with my mum..John went to bed.....and left us to it.

The day before she was actually born we spent house hunting, then went for a Chinese, came home and started writing ads for our house using estate agents speak and couldnt stop laughing. next morning I could stop peeing.....and thought I had wind!!!!!! Off to Edinburgh and the pains stopped as soon as we got into the hospital!!!! However, at 1am on 22 jan 1990 she popped out all pink and healthy to the sound of the Clutha.

My baby is now 17, towers above me. At 12 she was diagnosed with Aspergers which I found hard but it could be far far worse and means we a unique view of the world. From she was a very wee thing Jane always said she wanted a big brother, well thanks to my partner she's inherited 3 by default and its a riot when we are all together.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:55 AM

I did. Why even mention your problems on other threads if you're going to "forgive us our trespasses" here?

---

About a dozen years ago a very large family lived across the street from us for a few months. I think she was pregnant at the time, and they had six kids already. "I just love hearing childbirth stories" she said. I guess so! Another woman up the street had six children, and though she taught piano during many of the years, and always SAID she wanted to go back to school (she finally did) and go back to work (she didn't) she wondered why her oldest daughter dropped out of college after less than a year, got married, and immediately got pregnant. The example was in front of her.

I've tried to not push my daughter too hard in any particular direction--I heard stories all of my early life about how my parents married fairly late and Mom was 34 when she had me (her first) and it was like it was etched in stone. "The Irish have their families late," they said. And I ended up waiting and then realizing if I wanted to have kids I'd better get going. I hope she'll wait until she finishes school and has had time to work and decide if she likes it. But if she wants to have her kids younger it is healthier for her and she'll be more the age of the rest of the parents of her children's friends. I always felt ancient around many of the other parents down at school. I haven't told her that, either.

Whether or not I am ready to be a grandparent really isn't a consideration here, either. I've heard friends complain about it, but get a life. Why make your kids feel guilty if they want to get on with their lives? Even if they do it is still difficult to ignore a whining parent. I figure it's better to be a younger, healthy, vigorous grandmother than to be barely ambulatory and at most a lap to sit on. If that's all you can do, that's all you can do, but I expect to teach my grandkids about hiking and climbing and fishing and gardening. . . and when that time comes, to be there to see the birth of my grandkids. I couldn't see much of what was going on when I was having my own (there was a convex mirror mounted on the ceiling over the foot of the birthing bed the first time, and they had the silly idea that I might be able to open my eyes and focus on the silly thing while I was pushing!)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 02:58 AM

I was never actually sick with either baby but I felt sick first thing with both for the first twelve weeks. I also couldn't stand various smells including the traditional one of coffee. The nearest I came to throwing up was when I smelt cigarette smoke. Strangely, I also couldn't stand the smells of beans cooking or, believe it or not, of new baked bread. I was less well with Shady, the second due to having gestational diabetes so I didn't enjoy that pregnancy as much as my first.

Didn't manange to give birth either time...they were both caesarians. That upset me a lot with Richard as I'd wanted to do it all naturally, then I realized how lucky I was that we were both actually alive and the upset became just a minor sadness. Richard was an emergency section so I was asleep when he arrived...another thing that upset me. Shady was a planned section so I was awake and aware and that was much better.

As for maternal feeling....as I said, I'd never had maternal urges and was totally unprepared for the sheer, physical strength of the feeling that overwhelmed me. My maternal feelings are still very strong and I'm sure I could do 'impossible' things such as we read about from time to time to protect or save my children. I know I would kill without thought or hesitation to protect my babies.

And breast-feeding...but that's another story

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:50 AM

I couldn't stand the smell of coffee either or cooking bacon. I had cravings for all things orange flavoured and I couldn't get enough bread or mashed potato!

Harry was an emergency caesarian but I was lucky enough to be awake. I had a spinal block as the epidural hadn't worked. It was all over so quickly once I had been taken to theatre. I had my check up at the hospital yesterday and was given a clean bill of health and the consultant went through what will happen "next time". I just smiled and thought if there is a next time it will be a few years down the line! Because of complications with this pregnancy and the labour the obstetrician has said any further pregnancies will be delivered by a section. But I don't mind, it's all worth it in the end!

My bump seemed to appear over night but I never felt big until one evening I was laying on the lounge floor listening to the tv and and I got stuck. I couldn't roll over and get up without help from Paul! It was funny and probably funnier to watch!! *G*

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Diva
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 05:26 AM

At the begining I craved liver and onions, weird because I'd always hated liver must have needed the iron. And sweet stout, oh and the day before she was born, oysters in the chinese, never had them before or since...they were cooked not raw....
Bump...bump still got one!!!! Mind you scared the Hobbit entirely on Saturday night by cuddling the eleven week old granddaughter of the owners of th Copshaw Kitchen while her mum served drinks and meals. What a wee dote

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:18 AM

About parents not wanting to become grapndparents - I grew up with only one set of grandparents, both of whom lived to be very, very, very old, especially grandmother, who also never liked her daughter-in-law (my mother). So when my eldest sister got pregnant with the first baby in the family since me, Mom didn't want to be called Grandmother, since the only person by that name had been such a horrible person. So we started calling her Aunt Mom instead, and it's stuck. We like it that way.

We are also in the habit of calling all pregnancies Clark(e) - with an e for a girl and without one for a boy.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:27 AM

We are also in the habit of calling all pregnancies Clark(e) - with an e for a girl and without one for a boy.

I LOVE this. Fits with this--

A friend who was a genius at "working the room" once taught us that all men can be called George [and all women Sally] if you don't recall the correct name-- you move forward, grasp the outstretched hand for a hearty shake, exclaiming: "George [Sally]!!! It's great to see you!" And they take it as a sincere greeting (if it is) whether one of welcome on first meeting or renewed acquaintance, and respond while pumping the hand with, "It's Ed [Mary], and you too!" "Ed [Mary], of course, I dunno what I was thinking, what have you been up to?" and the conversation is off and running.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:24 AM

I hadn't a clue what I was doing when I got pregnant at 16. I know it must've devastated my mom, at first. She and dad had never told us kids, outright, that they were preggers before they got married. It was a scandalous thing in their day. It was still uncommon and frowned upon when I did so. They rallied round, didn't lose their house over it or anything, (thank goodness!) and I hadn't broken any hearts except maybe theirs a little bit. I know they went to great expense to make things as pleasant as possible for me and my partner when we married and I moved out. I loved being pregnant and getting ready for our son. We didn't know it was a boy. He was a preemie but flourished well. My doc was enlightened enough to have given me a book on natural childbirth AND trusted me, a month over 17, to take him home just two days after being born! I have never, ever regretted it even though his dad and I did part company.

But, not until we had a daughter. She was so easy. Came on the day predicted. I was in labour all of thirty minutes or so and went home the next day with her very healthy, etc. My cousin had predicted it was a girl. The only trouble I had before she was born was spotting and having to go to bed for a few days after building a rock garden all by myself. (Stupid, I know, but I was all of twenty by then and very independent!)

The next and last one, a daughter with my second husband, was a bit difficult. I did fairly well, except for morning sickness the first month or two, until two months before she was to come. Went into premature labour which they stopped, in hospital, with valium and alcohol. The alcohol was all in an IV so I didn't even get to enjoy it. Folks would come in the room and look at me strangely as I had alcoholic breath and was a bit tipsy. They sent me home with a prescription for 3 valium per day WITH three drinks per day! (Don't try this at home or without doc's supervision!:-) It did the trick for two weeks and then she said "enough is enough." My water broke as we were shopping, my mom, sister and I. They took me to hospital and I eventually had her, in the labour room just as the doc rounded the corner. (She was the first baby my mom had actually seen born, despite the fact that she'd had five of her own. In her day they knocked you out.) It was a very rough night in which I came close to dying from hemorrhaging. She looked like a little doll at 4.5 lbs. In fact we had to buy doll clothes for her first couple of months as nothing else fit.

I didn't know it as consciously at the time, but later on I realised I had communicated with each of my children before I became pregnant with them. I felt their little souls "knocking" on my door, saying "let me in, I am ready to be born." I cannot explain it any other way as each time I did feel a very strong compulsion to get pregnant, esp. with my last one. I loved being pregnant, esp. when they made ripples across my belly and kicked, esp. in that most comfortable position, spoon-style up against my partner's bum with my leg thrown over his.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: GUEST,dianavan
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 02:25 PM

I too, felt the souls 'knocking on my door', and welcomed them to the little home in my womb. But here's an odd story,

Eight years after my youngest was born, I had a hysterectomy. I was clearly haunted by a beautiful little soul and sure it was a girl. How could this be? I had no home for her? Later, after my partner and I had split, he re-married. His new partner (who was not much interested in being a mother) reluctantly gave birth to a baby girl. The first time I met her (she was about 6 weeks old) she smiled at me and winked! I knew in a flash that she was the spirit that had been hovering about and that it was her dad that she was connected to.

Yes, he adores her. Mom has moved on to another life and that little girl with the strong spirit has now grown to be a beautiful young woman and we still have a very strong connection. She is the little sister that both of my children always wanted and she is a joy.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:43 PM

Alcohol and Valium???? From a doctor????? Yikes! Although I remember my aunt with a stock of champagne splits. She was underweight and the doctor was concerned that the nausea would lead weight loss and worse problems. So she went in for B12 shots with orders to go home, sip champagne and eat something. The combination worked and she carried full term.

A few years back a book came out called "Wake Up L'il Susie". The author interviewed girls who had become pregnant as teenagers in the 50s and early 60s when abortion was not an option (for a variety of reasons and not a part of this discussion). Their families sent them to "live with relatives" or to "tour Europe" and kept the pregnancy secret. The baby was taken from them at birth and adopted. They went home and were expected to go back to living a care-free teenage life. Most were completely traumatized and emotionally scarred by he experience. Some had sought out their children later. All felt guilty. I knew a girl who went through this. Sad business. I often think of the son she bore and wonder what became of him.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 07:32 PM

After quickening, I liked to lay on the bed nude, propped up with pillows to a half-sitting position, and watch the bulges in my belly move around as he rolled, stretched and kicked. I'd giggle, and pat the place where the foot or fist would push out, invite my husband to feel the hard roundness and the motion. Poor hubby. He was afraid to leave his hand long enough to feel the baby move, afraid the gentle pressure would some how cause injury.

My son apparently liked being all snug in the womb and was in no hurry to be born. He was two weeks late, and did not make his move until he was threatened with eviction by pectosin. The placenta was starting to show signs of calcification along the edge of the uterus. The doctor had the injection in his hand ready to administer when I felt my first labor pain.

The last week, I had to go to the OB office every afternoon and they would put electrodes on my stomach to monitor his movements. The nurse worried that he was too inactive, but I kept telling her he always took a nap at that time of day.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:13 PM

dianavan, that is so neat, esp. that you recognised that about her and understood

Yep, Sins, in 1977 that was! It's what they used to stave off labour. They told me if she was born on the 4th of July as she tried to be, her lungs would be too immature and she might not make it. Ten days later she was fine and no amount of drugs or alcohol would stop her entry.

Janie, I loved those ripples, too!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 03:58 AM

I loved all the movements and kicks. The hiccoughs (though it took me a while to realise what they were) and the fact that, late on you could actually see the shape of a foot when they pressed against the womb.

When my younger sister was 15 she got pregnant. She was so scared she didn't manage to tell anyone until it was too late to have an abortion. (No comments on that...as said above, it's not part of this discussion). My Mum and Dad were devastated though supportive, and my Mum was worried that it would ruin my sister's life, so she arranged for the baby to be adopted. The family never spoke of it again. More, I think, because of wanting to put the trauma of the time behind them than anything else. Later I did speak of it occasionally to my sister, who by then had two little boys.

Three years ago I had an e-mail from my sister (she lives in Australia, as do my parents) telling me that the baby (a boy) now aged 30, had got in touch with her. She was too scared to tell my parents, due to the fact of it never having been spoken of. In the end I told them. They were cool with it and pretty unemotional. My Dad, it turned out, had always said we should have kept him as he was family. Anyway, my sister and Murray met, found heaps in common and he got on great with her other two boys (who think it's hilarious!) He now has little twin boys himself and is in contact with the family. It's all like something out of a story.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:18 AM

Limpit was a particularly awkward little alien and insisted on kicking me in places where baby's feet shouldn't be. At one point, she had her head under my ribs, a foot under each lung and elbows in the kidneys.

When she was finally "from her mothers' womb untimely ripp'd" she was facing forward, head up, bum firmly down and both legs extended, rather than bent and curled round. Consequently, all the movement was at the top and very VERY annoying when trying to balance a plate on her.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 12:31 PM

I can't say that I particularly enjoyed being pregnant. I tolerated it for the desirable outcome. The first time it was hot as hell down here in Texas and Moonglow was born on August 30. We timed the second one to arrive in March (7th). Yes, we had control over that, fertility was never an issue.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 05:13 PM

I was just seventeen when I got pregnant for the first time. Never really thought whether or not I wanted children - it just happened. Morning sickness with the first one, crippling backache with #2 and both with my daughter, born two months before my 22nd birthday. Pregnancy didn't really seem to be anything special - with the first one I had the trauma of telling parents, going to court for permission to marry and a complete break with my parents as a result. For the other two, I had the second 15 months after the first birth and the third one day after the first turned four. I think that I was just too busy dealing with the others to give much thought to the child in my womb.

I can't really say that I felt any special connection with any of them before birth. I had a brother ten years younger than me so had some experience of babies when I got sent home three days after the birth of my first boy.

My older son when with his father when we split up but the two younger ones are still a joy to me, although I find it difficult to think of having a 40 year old son!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 05:58 PM

mINE'S ONLY 32! yOU MUST BE VERY OLD, jACQUI.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 06:16 PM

(DAMN CAPSLOCK)

You're welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 08:59 PM

thanks for the chortle!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 09:04 PM

I can definitely be a bit slow....for the longest time, I read Sins' 'signature' ending as CAP SLOCK, instead of CAPS LOCK. I kept wondering why she typed the way she did and what the heck a cap slock was:O)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 10:29 PM

While the pregnancies themselves were wonderful experiences, I was not psychologically prepared to deal with labor at all.

Of course the labor with that first pregnancy was a symbol of heartbreak, knowing I was only going to deliver a placenta. The soonest a D&C could be scheduled was 6 days after the ultrasound. I was told I might miscarry before then and was told I could expect some severe cramping if that occurred. I was not forewarned that I might have full labor. The cramping started before bedtime the night before the D&C was scheduled. Within a couple of hours I was having rythmic and severe contractions. My husband, worried that I was having such severe pain, called the OB on-call about 1:00am. the guy was an asshole about being awakened in the middle of the night and told him to give me a couple of tylenol. My water broke at about 4:00 am and my husband said enough is enough, let's head to the hospital, we'll only be there an hour ahead of schedule. Even though we had all our paperwork for the D&C in order, we got misrouted to the ER and I was wheeled back to an operating room. A very kind nurse checked on me as much as she could, but was very busy with a car wreck. Hubby went out to move the car, saying he would be right back, and disappeared for 45 minutes. I suddenly had the terrible urge to puke and crap at the same time, staggered off the table, grabbed two plastic basins, and threw up in one as I expelled the placenta into the 2nd. I heard my husband shouting in the hall as I collapsed onto the floor. He burst into the room, chased by two security guards. When he had left to move the car, they would not let him back in. He had been out at the entry to the ER, arguing with them all that time. He finally had shoved one of them into the other, knocking them out of his way, and started running for the OR, the guards in pursuit. The nurse heard the ruckus, came in, instructed the guards on the error of their ways, and then she and Hubby got me up out of the floor and back onto the table. I had just finished 6 hours of hard labor. I am wondering why my doctor is now 1/2 hour late. My doctor, in the meantime, is up on the third floor, wondering why I have stood him up for the scheduled D&C.

It was such a fiasco that neither he or the hospital charged for the 'services.' I also got a letter of apology from the on-call OB who had told hubby to give me two tylenol. And no, we had not threatened to sue.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 01:20 AM

While I had high hopes the delivery of my son would be much different, I couldn't help but have more than the normal amount of trepidation when I went into labor with him. Hubby had urged me throughout the pregnancy to commit to a 'natural' childbirth, and though he tried to hide it, was resentful that I would not do so. And I felt guilty that I wasn't willing to make that commitment. Because of my age, it was considered a high risk pregnancy, and that gave me an excuse to opt out of home birth or a birthing center. Several of our friends were lay midwives and had offered to attend a home birth. They truly respected my decision not to go that route, but I still felt pressured and cowardly.

When my contractions were close enough to call the nurse to get the go-head to go to the hospital, Hubby asked me to wait a few minutes for him to walk the dog and call a friend with whom we had prearranged to come and get the get dog when we called. Hubby was gone for more than an hour and I got freaked out. By the time he came home from the dog walk I was hyperventilating. He called the nurse for authorization and we headed for the hospital. An hour later, when I was finally up in labor-and-delivery, the first thing I did was ask for a paper bag to breath into and an epideral. Then I lay there for 8 hours, completely disconnected from the lower half of my body except by watching the monitors that showed the contractions and the baby's heartbeat. I felt so disconnected, so dissociated from the main event, here in these final hours of what had been 9 months of feeling like I was one with the Goddess.

Finally, the monitors, my sudden nausea, pressure on my bowels, and an examination by the nurse that indicated the baby's head had crowned solidified into a call for action. I was called on to be a participant again, and not merely an observer of monitors between naps.

Push! Push! Push! The epideral is starting to wear off, which is good - makes it clear it is not interferring with the pushing.

Ain't nothin' happenin'. I overhear discussions between nurse and doc. Baby's unusally big head. Mother's 42 year old, rigid bones. Hear the doc wondering if the epidural is keeping me from pushing hard enough. Hear the more experienced nurse tell him she thinks I'm pushing just fine, and the epidural was scheduled to have been renewed over an hour ago.

They begin to talk c-section. I ask to be included in the discussion.   Hubby, who has been dozing in a recliner, gets involved. He has more than his fair share of testosterone under normal circumstances. Toss a little stress into the mix, and he can seem very hostile and aggressive. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes not. Now it is not. Seeing what is coming, I ask nurse to call a close friend of hubby's who lives near the hospital. She does so and puts phone to my ear. I ask friend to come poste haste to help Hubby calm down so I can have this baby.

Pains are becoming more intense by the minute as the epideral fades into history. Hubby talks over me, insists that he and the doc confer out in the hall. I tell Hubby to shut up and sit down, I need him to help me focus to manage the pain. Hubby sits down briefly to try to function as coach. I ask questions as I am able, trying to sort out risks to baby if I hold off on c-section, if pelvis won't give, if forcepsae an option, etc. etc. Hubby is too stressed to contain himself. He starts shouting at doc. Doc takes him out to hall. Overhear doc tell him if he doesn't calm down doc will have him removed from premises.

Friend arrives in record time. talks to doc and Hubby, takes hubby aside and gets him settled down some. By now,epidural is completely worn off, the baby hasn't budged. I ok the c-section.That long awaited moment that I have fantasized about for so long, when he is lifted in the air, emits his cry of life, and then is gently handed over to my maternal care, is not going to happen quite like I had planned.

But the rewards for my compliance and good behavior come quickly, and are three-fold. A nurse anethesist appears from nowhere. Had Harry Potter been around in 1992, I would have sworn she apparated. The epidural is replenished and a fast acting pre-op sedative are administered before I am even wheeled across the hall to the OR. And hubby appears at my side, restored to his senses just as I am losing mine. Dopely, I wonder out loud if this meets the DSM-III criteria for a folie-a-deux.

The OR is freezing-cold. I'm starting to cry in disappointment and shame as my arms are stretched out to either side and strapped to boards. Am I being crucified for caving in? for taking what might be viewed as the easier, softer way? Hubby and nurse assure me it is not so. the drape and barrier go up, so I am again dissociated from the part of my body wherein dwells new life. Hubby is cautioned not to watch the proceeding on the other side of the barrier, lest he faint from the sight of blood and his wife's guts. But his primal rages are accompanied by the primal urge to provide meat for the table of his family by his own hand. He is a serious woodsman and hunter, not for sport, but for food.

Besides that, he was curious. So he watched with great interest as his wife's belly was slashed open and his son was lifted out from the wound. The doctor raised the baby high up over the barrier for me to see, then held him out to the nurse who brought him up close for me to see. I watched with some jealousy as he was handed over to his father. Saw how safe and protected he was in the gentle embrace of that fierce man, then dropped like a rock under the sudden dose of morphine.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 03:13 AM

Brilliant Janie! Wish I could write descriptives like that.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 04:55 AM

A wonderful piece of writing Janie!

I was more relieved than anything else when I was wheeled into theatre for the c section. After 48 hours of labour I had pretty much had enough! I was told at about 5 months that there was a strong possibility that I would need a c section so mentally I had prepared for it. The wonderful moment when I heard his first cry was magical but I was a tad jealous when he was handed to his Dad for his first cuddle. I still remember that feeling and the feeling that I was going to fall off the table as they had it at a slight angle so the baby wasn't sitting on my nerves and organs while they operated. The whole experience was strange and felt like it was happening to someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 06:56 AM

I went into labour naturally with my first, waited for the contractions to become closer together, which seemed to happen suddenly after hours of being occasional. We went off to the hospital by which time I was so far dilated that I went straight into the labour ward. Spent the next few hours alternately walking around and kneeling with my back to Ted so he could rub it..the only thing that helped. At some point when was upright my waters broke and were slightly brown-tinged so they began to watch more alertly. Because I'd said I wanted a natural birth they put off as long as possible doing a section. By the time I got into the stage of labour where the baby is trying to push through the cervix It was absolute agony. It appeared that his head was too big to pass through. They decided that he was becoming distressed and that they must perform a section but that I could have an epidural. I agreed to that and signed the paper though my hand was shaking so much it looked nothing like my signature anyway. By this time I'd gone mostly animal and wasn't very aware of much outside my body. I screamed the place down when they tried to put a catheter in.

They gave me the epidural, waited as long as they could then ran the scalpel across my tummy...which I felt. There was no choice then and they had to go for the general anaesthetic. The one thing that stands out vividly is the anaesthetist saying "Just a little prick" and me thinking "They don't really say that!! I must be dreaming". I wanted to laugh uproariously but couldn't.

Next thing I knew was the nurse waking me up and saying that I had a little boy and that Daddy had had a hold and a bit of a cry. Yes, I think I felt perhaps more cheated than jealous, but the same as you guys really. The next thing was Ted telling me that he had rung my parents and that my father (who wanted a granddaughter) had said "You'll have to do better next time". "NEXT TIME!!!!!" I bellowed.

Richard had to go into SCBU which, at that time was, stupidly, quite a long way from the ward. Since I was absolutely determined to breast feed, I kept making the walk to the Unit to feed him. They were all amazed that I managed it immediately after the Caesarian. I did have to give in and be pushed in a chair a couple of times and I felt like such a wimp.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 07:03 AM

With my second, they advised planned Caesarian "In view of my age" and the fact that the previous one was difficult. Though I was a bit sorry, it did make it easier to sort out care for Richard while we were both at the hospital. It was nice and relaxed, we packed, took Richard to his Godmother's and went to the hospital. We were the first on the list and had to wait because the anaesthetist hadn't yet arrived. The room was full of people, all chatting in a relaxed manner while we waited. I told them that I really wanted a girl because Richard, who was then 4 1/2, determinedly didn't want a brother. He said "If it's a girl it's mine but if it's a boy it's yours". People had said he'd get used to a brother, but he was such a stubborn little so-and-so that I wasn't so sure.

Everything went smoothly and I felt very little but a bit of tugging. One of the nurses said "I can see a lot of dark hair". Then as they hauled her out the nurse said "It's a little girl!" at which point I burst into tears, mostly of relief that I didn't have to try and convince Richard that a brother was a good thing.

I'd arranged to be sterilized at the time and that bit was the worst part as it felt as though they were trying to pull everything else out of my abdomen. Sometime around then, the paediatrician peered over my head and said "As far as I can tell you have a healthy baby girl". What lovely words!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 12:04 AM

One thing that awed me during my pregnancy was the amount of positive attention people, even perfect strangers, lavish on an obviously pregnant woman. Really, it is the preamble to the wonderful, warm reception most people give to babies and very young children in general. By and large, people tend to smile and exude warmth and unconditional positive regard toward the very young of our species. How many times have you stood in line in a grocery, behind a woman or man with an infant in a carrier, and cooed, smiled, oohed and ahhed at the little bit of helpless flesh in front of you? It seems to be instinctive. And it is so necessary to the infant to have those experiences as universally as possible.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 03:09 AM

I would like to paraphrase Diana, Princess of Wales here....

If men were the ones who had babies, they would be all be only children.

And to quote someone who is not Oscar Wilde - one should try everything once except incest and folk dancing - to which I would add, and childbirth.

Because Limpit was such an awkward little cuss (was?? Still is - her school report described her as a 'true English eccentric'), and I was supposed to be asthmatic (turns out it was a heart condition... great diagnosis doc!), a section was always on the cards. When it was finally shown she wasn't turning and was wedged in, it was all planned out.

I remember telling the anaesthetist that my back was very sensitive and he remarked that I was the only person who giggled when he counted down the vertebrae. It was at this point, as the needle went in that I said I'd changed my mind and wanted a puppy. He then spent some time talking about real ale with Manitas, whom I'd dragged in with me for no other reason than to swear at, whilst I lost my legs.

I was also put at that strange angle and the barrier errected. The surgeons then put on those face guards that gave me a lovely reflected view in wraparound! I remember very little about the actual operation other than some tugging, the swearing of the surgeon as he dropped an instrument with a clang, a raddled splat as something squidgy hit the floor - causing an amusing backwards leap by the same surgeon whilst his hands stayed perfectly still.... and the anaesthetist looking over and saying 'that's a little girl in there'.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 05:45 AM

I always find it interesting how many people will touch one's 'bump'. People who would never think of laying a hand on a casual aquaintance or even a perfect stranger will stroke the bump or just lay their hand on it in passing. It's another thing that seems instinctive and they don't seem embarassed by it even though they would probably be terribly embarassed if they accidentally touched you if you weren't pregnant.

And from the other side. I'm not a touchy person generally and don't really like people to touch me gratuitously but I never minded that at all

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 11:01 AM

Thus we have the origin of the expression"...and after all I have done for you...." *grin*

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 12:12 PM

I too was surprised at the amount of people reaching out and touching my bump, even people that I didn't know. I absolutely hated it, I felt as though it was an invasion of my personal space. I didn't mind people talking to me and smiling, but not touching.

Now when I'm out and about with Harry in his pram or carrier people stop and ask about him, how old he is etc. Paul and were in the bank today opening Harry's trust account and a number of people stopped to talk to him. He's a sociable baby and smiles at everyone!