BS: Diarrhoea

Subject: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:40 AM

It's a lovely sunny day here at Lytham St Annes & I'm wanting to go out for my daily consitutional, but owing to a partcularly nasty bout of the diarr-horrors I find myself house-bound for the duration. So, fellow Mudcatters might I ask:

1) Any homespun remedies?

and, failing that:

2) Any choice euphemisms for the condition I might otherwise call Laughing Gravy?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:41 AM

TMI Sedayne :)
Boiled eggs I suppose.
G

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Nick
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:46 AM

Sitting on old bags of concrete is also supposed to work.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:50 AM

Imodium D. It's an over-the-counter remedy and your chemist should have some.

Cheese is a folk remedy.

Paragoric and other opiates will also work, but they are probably only available by prescription.

If it goes on too long, call the doctor. It's funny, but it can weaken and even kill you. I'd also suggest a sports drink for electrolyte replacement (or just mix up sodium bicarbonate and salt in water).

As for euphemisms: the trots, the runs, the two-holer two step, green apple trot, Montezuma's Revenge....

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: David C. Carter
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:55 AM

On the road in Spain,a guy in a café gave me a glass of flour and water.Not my favorite drink,but it worked.

Ricard neat,is another thing you can drink.If you can get it down that is.It contains Aniseed.

Good luck

D

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: David C. Carter
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:00 AM

Going to your chemist is a good idea.

You just got to get there!

D

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: topical tom
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:03 AM

Immodium is the way to go, I mean heal thyself.As for a euphemism there is also the Missouri (I don't know why) Two-step.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rog Peek
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:03 AM

Yes Giok, but I understand they need to be hard boiled.
Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:06 AM

Raking around the kitchen... let's see... no eggs.. no concrete... but we do have cheese, albeit deliciously spicy Bowland. I'll try the flour and water.

Hell, there's blue skies out there - but a definite lack of public toilets...

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: David C. Carter
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:22 AM

There are several dairy product stands at our local market,and they'll all tell you that soft boiled eggs can bring on a light dose of salmonella.Maybe some people have more resistence than others to this.I can't eat them myself.

David

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:50 AM

Imodium but pay attention to the directions. Take one after each episode. So it may take two or three to do the trick.
Montezuma's Revenge?
Tiki Tummy?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:58 AM

Lomotil is another, but it can have an adverse reaction in some people and cause extreme pain, I know because it has this effect on my son. I'll never give it to him again.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:59 AM

I use over the counter tablets and they do work.

Wholemeal bread toasted and bananas are supposed to be good things to eat if you have diarrhoea.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:03 AM

I'd stay away from semi-cooked pork chops and chocolate bars.

Strawberry leaves work. They help create the 'ties that bind'. Make a tea from them. Also, keep yourself hydrated.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: bobad
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:04 AM

Have you considered hydraulic cement?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:25 AM

A barrel bung.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:28 AM

Made from cork I suppose? There are some seriously sick people on this site.



















Have you considered duct tape? It comes in many colours now, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:36 AM

"Diarrhoea" - The most grotesquely spelled word in the entire English language.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: bobad
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:41 AM

There's also diarrhea but they're both the shits.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:20 AM

I have to vote for Immodium, too. I find it usually works after the first dose (at least for me).

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:22 AM

Another vote for immodium; for me, personally, one caplet has always been effective for at least 24 hours.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:24 AM

One word of advice: Do NOT trust a fart for a few days after the situation has, uh, resolved itself shall we say.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: jeffp
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:25 AM

Yet another vote for Imodium. It cures the Hershey squirts.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Beer
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:41 AM

What a pile of shit on this thread. Other than that, make sure you have lots of 2 ply toilet paper. Never single ply.
Beer (adrien)

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:48 AM

Single ply, double ply: the man don't KNOW what you need. What you DO need is here. Use one a day.


Time for a chorus of


They passed an ordinance in the town
That said we'd have to tear it down --
That little old shack out back so dear to me.
Though the Health Fepartment said
It's day was over and dead
It will stand forever in my memory.

Don't let 'em tear that little brown building down!
Don't let 'em tear that precious building down!
Don't let 'em tear that dear old building down,
For there's not another like it in the country or the town.

It was not too long ago
That I went tripping through the snow
Out to that house behind my old hound dog,
Where I'd sit me down to rest,
Like a snow bird on her nest,
And read the Sears and Roebuck catalog.

I would hum a happy tune
Peeping through the quarter moon,
As my Pappy's kin had done before.
It was in that quiet spot
Daily cares could be forgot.
It gave the same relief to rich and poor.

Cho.

Now, it was not a castle fair,
But I could dream my future there,
And build My castles to the yellow jacket's drone.
I could orbit round the sun,
Fight with General Washington,
Or be a king upon his golden throne.

It wasn't fancy built at all,
It had newspapers on the wall,
It was air conditioned in the winter time.
It was just a humble hut,
But it's door was never shut,
And a man could get inside without a dime.

Cho.


-- Billy Ed Wheeler
Copyright © Quartet Music, Inc. & Bexhill Music
from the singing of Ed Britt

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Bert
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:48 AM

Kaopectate. I find Immodium too strong and likely to bind you up for a few days.

Also, don't run to the pot at the first signs of wanting to, try to hold it as long as possible, even while sitting on the pot. Every second counts and lets your body remove some of the water naturally.

If you start getting weak and can't eat. Try glucose and a little salt in water or juice to keep your strength up.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rog Peek
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 01:23 PM

Wear bicycle clips just in case!

Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 01:46 PM

Do keep yourself hydrated, and use the sports drinks or an electrolyte replacement (e.g., Pedolyte) -- and see a doctor if it goes on for a while or if blood appears.

Diarrhea can kill you. It can be b-a-a-a-a-d shit, man!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 01:58 PM

if it is related to IBS or maybe even not..coconut..macaroon cookies are good for that in some people. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:02 PM

An old remedy - atleast for children - is to bring milk just to a boil and drink it while it's still warm.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:08 PM

HOME remedy? Burnt toast. I learned of this in Labrador. Of course, the best remedy is clear fluids and time.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:13 PM

Boy, people here sure do know a lot about shit!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:19 PM

I figure it like this, Becca. I am 60 years old. I have taken one every single day (sometimes more than one, and on the occasional day none) of my life. The math? It's like this.

365.25 x 60 = 21,915 'events'

Figure say 6 oz per event and that equates to 131,490 oz/16 = 8218 pounds of event. I am the proud, nay PROUD producer/processor of over 4 TONS of sh#t. Humbling, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:21 PM

I wish to thank Sedayne formally for having the trots. I have never worked that out before--if you know what I mean.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: bobad
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:24 PM

Boy, this thread has gone in the toilet.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:24 PM

Humbling, indeed. Puts things into perspective, certainly. You've "done" way more shit than I have.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 03:33 PM

I believe I have. But please note, only on three occasions has it been necessary to repaint after I'd finished.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 03:52 PM

Don't know why this thread makes me think of Fed Ex.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 04:12 PM

Does it run in the family??

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 04:36 PM

Years ago I sat in the McDonald's parking lot. Sign above said "Over One Billion Sold."

We (I wasn't alone, nor were we completely sober) reckoned this way:

Say 1.5 billion sold, each contain 2 oz. of cooked meat. That's 30,000,000,000 ounces of cooked meat, or 1,875,000,000 pounds of meat, or 937,500 tons (952,543.97 metric tons). Assuming that 50% of this is actually digested and not excreted, that would mean that at that time McDonald's had contributed 468,750 long tons of crap from cooked beef alone. If we assume that two pounds of...excrement will cover one square foot, that would work out to 937,500,000 square feet could be covered, or 21,522.04 acres. Using the 2 pounds per square foot, we would need 8 pounds for a cubic foot and would have 117,187,500 cubic feet, or enough shit to build a tower of shit one foot by one foot by one foot 22,194.6022727 miles (35,718.75 kilometers) high -- or about one-tenth of the way to the moon.

Remember, these figures do not include anything except cooked meat at 2 ounces per burger.

And what would the height be today, a quarter of a century later??

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Greg B
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 04:51 PM

I've heard it called 'the turistas'

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:15 PM

Peace? 6 oz per event? Are you dating Sheryl Crow? fasting?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:20 PM

I was being modest. It's more like a pound or so, but I figured if I said that then some wag would be along to say, "See! I told you he was full of it!"

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:21 PM

But, ah, er, um, nevermind.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:56 PM

My favorite euphemism (dysphemism?) is "the Hershey squirts."

The only cure that I know that works is: don't eat or drink ANYTHING other than clear liquids (broth is OK) until you have a normal bowel movement.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: EBarnacle
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 06:12 PM

Was there any precursor event, such as a flu? If this goes on for a while, forget the over the counter remedies and see a doctor, even if you have to stick a plug in to get there. The results can be serious, starting with messed up blood chemistries and dehydration and going upward from there.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 06:29 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 06:49 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows,
Pockets full of rye...

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Skivee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 07:31 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows,
Pockets full of rye,
four and twenty dark turds went flying by...

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 07:52 PM

When the turds had landed, the room began to smell...


We've known it as the squitters, the squits, rusty rain, runny bum and our current favourite, Doctor Who's disease.

Why Doctor Who's disease? (This won't work if you don't know the theme tune)...

Bubbly bum, bubbly bum, bubbly bum, Poo!
Bubbly bum, bubbly bum, bubbly bum, Poo!

Poo-ooo, Poo-ooo! Poo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oo-ooooooo!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Beer
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:24 PM

I forgot about this thread and just got back on. Thanks Peace for the song. Use to sing it when I was into country.
So I continue to read down and man is this thread full of it. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Peace I'm a little concerned! You must be loosing a lot of weight.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:25 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows, pockets full of rye,
Four and twenty dark turds went flying by
When the turds had landed, the room began to smell
And inside every turd there was a strange strange tale to tell.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:27 PM

Lost over four tons so far, Beer.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Beer
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:28 PM

Your in ddep shit man.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:30 PM

I liked the song from the Steve Martin film 'Parenthood', sung by his children at the beginning of the film.

'When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhoea, diarrhoea.

When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam,
diarrhoea, diarrhoea!'

There are verses missing, can anyone who has actually seen a baseball game enlighten me?


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Beer
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:32 PM

Just when they were settling,
And things got back to normal.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 05:06 AM

A whole world of songs about poop.

Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

When you're standin' in the shower
And you smell somethin sour,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you're slidin' into home
And your pants are full of foam,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you smell somethin' funky
And your pants are feelin chunky,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you're sittin' in a class,
And that fart let out more than gas,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 05:09 AM

MORE POOP RHYMES, RIDDLES and SAYINGS here.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,Strad
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 06:53 AM

Why is it that scatological humour is universal? I know we all do it but we all breathe but there don't seem to be jokes about that. What a strange world we live in!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 08:08 AM

When I was a kid we sang the diarrhea song, except instead of "diarrhea bum bum" we sang "diarrhea cha cha cha"

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 09:35 AM

MY youth was spent kneeling church, praying.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Mr Happy
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 10:08 AM

"Diarrhoea" - The most grotesquely spelled word in the entire English language. '

Phonetically, it's kind've self descriptive: 'Dire rear!'

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 02:13 PM

Diarrhoea is my second favourite word in the whole of the English language. Last year I used it in a call-and-response at a Hallowe'en storytelling event I was doing at Hardwick Hall in deepest Sedgefield. How heartening it was to hear an audience of a hundred or so othewise respectable adults and children shouting 'Diarrhoea!' at the top of their voices...

Anyway, I'm cured now, and today I found myself heartily tucking into the various samples of exotic cuisine on offer at the European Market at St. Annes, though I didn't risk the Kangaroo burgers. Maybe tomorrow.

In gratitude for all your advice & scatalogical merriment might I offer a choice mystery MP3 selected from the archives. Click on the link below which will take you to You Send It & follow the instructions. It'll be up there for 7 days, with a maximum of 100 downloads - it's a belter for sure!

A Mystery MP3

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM

Have you lost any weight, Sedayne?

(Glad you're feeling better.)

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Slag
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 05:41 PM

I had an uncle who called it the "shizzlin' drits". A rose by any other name. Explosive diarrhea. The worst.

OTC cure: Equalactin. One of the best non-opiates.
Immodium IS an opiate which works exclusively on the seratonin uptake in the intestines and does not effect the brain recptors. With all opiates you can get a rebound effect where you oscillate between bouts of constipation and diarrhea. Only use them if you have to.

OTC belladonna helps and RX phenabarbitol and other barbiturates greatly help with the cramping which in some cases can actually kill you. Donnatil (sp?) combines both. You must keep your electrolytes up and as contradictory as it sounds you have to keep taking goodly quantities of water. Dehydration is a concern. Lomotil is another good RX.

Good diet, of course. Keep the roughage at a modicum. Too much fiber can really rip right through you. Keep plenty of reading material by the throne and try to keep a sense of humor about you. Crack the window open and flush often!!!!!!!!! :E   ('c')

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Mr Happy
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 06:16 PM

'Keep plenty of reading material by the throne...'

Be a great thing if 'Readers Digest' had absorbent pages rather than the hard,shiny, 'Izal' style ones!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Stringsinger
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 06:34 PM

Passing through a small town in Ireland, Logherrea (sp?) I misprounced it while the locals laughed:
"Loggereeuh". It's pronounced "lo-cray".

Is "diarrhoea" a disease known in gaelic? Or a small town in Ireland?

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Greg B
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 06:45 PM

If this thread doesn't quit soon, we're going to have
to start IV fluids.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 08:35 PM

cinnamon toast

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 09:45 PM

Sardines in oil.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 10:36 PM

Blackberries.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Slag
Date: 03 Nov 07 - 11:16 PM

Oh Shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Nov 07 - 02:58 AM

Thanks for that song!! I'll be humming under my breath for a few days now...

I think the humour comes from the universality of the problem. Everyone has had a digestive upset at some time of life and it's embarassing enough talking about pooping when all is well. It's the schaudenfreude aspect of it that makes it so amusing. OK, it's shit, but it's someone else's shit.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 04 Nov 07 - 07:16 AM

Immodium and Lomatil are the same thing and it is a mild opiate. The generic name is Loperamide and someimtes Lopermide based meds contain an anti-gas component called simethicone.

Go here for more info from wikipedia:
Loperamide

A useful remedy for the runs is called the BRAT Diet or the B.R.A.T Diet.
>>The BRAT diet is a historically prescribed treatment for patients with various forms of gastrointestinal distress such as diarrhea, dyspepsia, and/or gastroenteritis. The BRAT diet consists of foods that are relatively bland, easy to digest, and low in fiber. Low-fiber foods are recommended because foods high in fiber may cause gas, possibly worsening the gastrointestinal upset.[1]
BRAT is the mnemonic acronym for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast, the staples of the diet.[1] Alternative BRAT diet formulas include BRATT (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Tea, and Toast) and BRATY (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast, and Yogurt).<<
Specifics on the BRAT Diet Regimen

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Victor in Mapperton
Date: 04 Nov 07 - 08:11 AM

There is a lot of great meds on the market today, I think the one that worked for me was called Amodime ? Was advised to try Bisto by a friend, "It browns as it thickens !

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 04 Nov 07 - 11:31 AM

Diarrhea -- man, it's just the shits.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 10:31 AM

It nearly fell off the bottom!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 11:48 AM

LOL

You know why turds are tapered at both ends?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 11:49 AM

So yer arsehole don't slam shut!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,Andy
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 04:30 PM

Diarrhoea is comparable to your lover leaving you. In the latter instance, the bottom falls out of your world. In the first, its the other way around.

Regards

Andy

PS Certain people are pre-disposed to diarrhoea. It runs in your jeans!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 08:00 PM

Vicodin and/or immodium

Air Raid spelled backwards
diar ria

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 10:43 AM

Dr Collis Brown's medicine works. It contains morphine, tho, but it don't half work.

Keep your fluids up, even if you don't feel thirsty. For every trip, frink a half litre of water.

If you have to go outdoors, take a bog roll, some clean undies and some wet wipes.

Do NOT trust farts under any circumstances. Hope you feel better soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 10:45 AM

I seem to remember a verse of 'Cosher Bailey' (Y Mochyn Du) :

I do have a brother Diar
Twas his wish to sing in choir
But the vicar said 'No fear -
We can't sing with Diar 'ere'

O mor drum yrydim ni . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: topical tom
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM

This nothing but a thread of shit.For best results, take an immodium and call me in the morning.

    This is an example where people don't say "I'm behind you all the way."

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: HuwG
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 04:54 PM

Normally, I wouldn't contribute to a thread like this; it addresses questions which are too fundamental. But, after some lurking bug has sent me running to the toilet for the fourth time in three weeks, I can't hold it in much longer.

At the risk of sounding like my own mother, I seriously doubt the dedication of the medical and pharmaceutical professions to dealing with these problems. When once the quack would prescribe a kaolin and morphine mixture, which the chemist would make up with much measuring and pouring, I now get a packet of capsules with a meaningless commercially registered stream of syllables for a name and a ten-page puff piece for directions, telling me that the manufacturers deserve a Nobel Prize for making such a "fast effective relief".

The capsules are, I must inform my quack, useless. So far as I can tell, their chief recommendation as medicine is that they have been determined after prolonged and rigorous tests to be no use as a weapon of mass murder of rabbits and sad-eyed beagles in Cambridge laboratories. Kaolin and morphine might not have been rocket science, but it kept matters under control until one's own digestive system had a chance to rally and restore normal equilibrium.

My own pet remedy (actually no fix but prevents the bilious headaches and cramps caused by dehydration after prolonged trips to the throne); a pint of water with a teaspoon of sugar and a couple of pinches of salt.

Assuming I don't croak from the "Delhi belly", I pass fifty years old in a month. I am getting into practice as a complaining old git.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rog Peek
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM

Didn't visit this thread for a while, I see it's still running!

Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:08 PM

Cinnamon toast, sardines in oil, and blackberries? Now, that would make me **** on the best of days.

Burnt toast. Regular burnt toast and black tea.

Of course, the cinnamon does sound good as it would provide a fresh aroma to the, ah, er, kitchen.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 09:02 PM

Green apples, blackberries, and a good dose of salts. But the best way to give yourself diarrhea is to wash your dishes in greasy soapy water and not rinse them -- just let them air dry.

(This thread IS about how to get diarrhea, isn't it? I can't imagine why you'd want it but I'll do my bit to help.)

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Chorusgirl
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 10:27 AM

All this lavatorial talk! He just wanted some sympathy really. Not a load of s****e

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 06:40 AM

I don't have any cures, but two lovely ways of remembering how to spell it courtesy of Gervase Phinn and Yorkshire Dales primary school children....

Diarrhoea....

Dash In A Real Rush, Help Or Exploding Arse!!!

Died In A Rolls Royce Having Over Eaten Again.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,PMB
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 06:52 AM

It's an anagram of ...

Air? Oh dear!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 06:59 AM

This is the turd time that this thread has been bumped or should that be pumped?