Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: LR Mole
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:58 AM

"How Do You Mend a Broken Heart" makes me think of the Bee Gees. (Ecch.)"Fair Young Maid" makes me think of the Byrds' version of "John Riley". The whole thing reminds me of Paul Simon's line: "From what I can see of people like me/We get better but we never get well." But hang in. Interestin' and useful stuff, time...

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Jim Cheydi
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:27 AM

Healed, I reckon.

Don't forget the women's eights!

JC

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: English Jon
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:18 AM

Physician heal thyself.

Anyway, while there's sabrina and nude buffy who cares.

EJ

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Jim Cheydi
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:03 AM

They do mend, as long as you don't keep picking at the scabs. You can't spend your time thinking about what you should have done/said or whatever. If you do then you'll just miss out on something else. It's something we all go through so you have to remember that your experience is far from unique. Sometimes you just have to accept that what's done is done (and there isn't even a referee to blame) and in time you realise that they're not quite so special. They're just as crap as the rest of us with the same failings and foibles. Forget all this 'we can still be friends' drivel because you can't. Not for a long while anyway. Keep yourself away from them for years, otherwise your just picking. Let it mend first. Trust me (!). I know.

You don't ever forget, but you do reach a time when you don't mind remembering.

JC

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: English Jon
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:25 AM

A broken heart cannot be mended.

My advice is start talking to your pets.

EJ

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:10 AM

Hang in there and experience everything life offers you. If you can experience deep pain, you can also experience deep joy! Don't be afraid of it! is the most valuable answer anyone ever had!!!

Hang in there and experience everything life offers you. If you can experience deep pain, you can also experience deep joy! Don't be afraid of it!
 

Hang in there and experience everything life offers you. If you can experience deep pain, you can also experience deep joy! Don't be afraid of it!

Hang in there and experience everything life offers you. If you can experience deep pain, you can also experience deep joy! Don't be afraid of it!

Hang in there and experience everything life offers you. If you can experience deep pain, you can also experience deep joy! Don't be afraid of it!

A

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: GUEST,folky1
Date: 27 Jun 01 - 11:57 PM

I remember how I felt when the man I had my first relationship with left me after 9 years together. It came as a complete surprise and was like a kick in the chest. I lost 15 pounds and thought I would never want to sing again. I allowed myself to fully sink into and experience the grieving process and it was a very healing thing. This can be such a growing, transformational process for you, don't rush ahead and miss all the things you can learn about yourself.

I remembered saying to my partner on several occations "I need you too much to be able to love you" and it was true. I needed to be out on my own to become the strong, creative, independent woman I am today. And I would have never "grown up" with him by my side to lean on.

I learned Ferron's song "Ain't Life A Brook" and sang it frequently the next year or two. That was a healing thing too. Why waste energy being bitter about things? Why not instead see the roles you played in each others lives and all the things you learned along the way?

This was over six years ago. My ex and I are still friends. Two years ago his wife joined my musical group. I have done a lot of growing up. I got actively involved in things that interested me from running sound and promoting concerts to political campaigns. I believe that its true that you can't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself. And now that I am leading a happy, fulfilling life as a single person a totally unexected, unlooked for thing has happened: I have fallen in love with someone wonderful. When the relationshop with my ex ended, I had lots of people giving me advice to hurry up and get over it, skip the grieving process, and find somebody new. I patiently repeated to them at the time that if I was ever going to have a relationship again, it would be because there was someone I really wanted to be with, not just because I was lonely. My friends and and creative interests can fill the lonely void better than a relationship for the sake of a relationship. And it was worth the wait! :)

Hang in there and experience everything life offers you. If you can experience deep pain, you can also experience deep joy! Don't be afraid of it!

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Jun 01 - 04:39 PM

Whatever you do, if he has been a bastard to you, don't let his behaviour influence you to act the same way... read this thread - sorry, can't do the blue clicky thing, but if you refresh for 14 days and go nearly to the bottom, it's there. Or just double click on my name above this posting and check out what I've posted to.....

BS: Does it get better when STRESS is gone?

There's lots of good stuff there about reducing stress, causes of stress, and something about a relationship I was involved with..... basically his partner treated him like dirt so he thought that was a good way to treat others. Still mopping that one up.

And if you want to write to or phone him, think and wait an hour. If you still want to do it, wait another hour. If, after 2 - 3 hours you still want to, you need to go and do something else.

LTS

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 27 Jun 01 - 03:50 PM

you wanna know what kills most relationships? in a word, EXPECTATIONS. As the line goes in Utah Phillips' song, Faded Roses of December, ...dont ask me for a heart that I cant give you.. Is he really a bastard because he does not have what you want?

Time really is the only healer, and, dont look for a replacement right away, spend some time with yourself for at least a year. Then, try to find out why you were drawn to him, and that will help you to avoid making the same mistake again.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Firecat
Date: 27 Jun 01 - 03:26 PM

I'm gonna start using some of these tips!

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 05:01 PM

As Saul Bellow said, "You never have to invent fiction: Life keeps inventing itself." My sister the romance novel-writer should take notes on Campfire's story...

KC

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: campfire
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 02:08 PM

Barbara, I know another woman with a similar experience. Her first pregnancy scared the living wits out of the guy, who was not ready for relationships, much less fatherhood. She did her best, got on with life, married someone else, and had a child with him. I don't know what happened with that marriage - if it was a "rebound thing" or what, but it, too ended. Seems guy number one had been kicking himself in the pants all the while she was married to guy nuber two, though, and at first opportunity let her know that he wanted at least to be a father to his daughter, and that hopefully, they could work things out. They did, have been married now longer than I've known her (at least 10 years) and have a third child. So her first and third child are her husbands, and the middle child is her ex-husbands. Try explaining THAT one at the company Christmas party.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 07:06 AM

Dear Fair Young Maid,

Go about your life and forget about the guy. But be prepared for ANYTHING that may develop. Here's what happened to me at exactly your age:

Love of my life said that he didn't want to be tied down to a relationship yet, so we parted. I was completely immobilized for about 2 weeks. When I finally left the house (dragged by some friends) I met someone else, the proverbial instant rebound. I ended up running off to the other coast with this new guy and married him 2 years later. We had a son a year later, divorce 2 years after that.

A few years later, after I was completely settled into single parenthood and doing well at work, owned my own home, life was good, etc, who gives me a call but Guy Number 1 who hadn't been ready for the relationship. We ended up getting together again. This time it was right, we got married, had a son, and have been happily together for 20 years.

People are amazed when I say we've known each other for 30 odd years, but have only been married for 19. I wouldn't change a thing about the story, including the 10 year break in the middle of our relationship that gave me some wonderful adventures and a beautiful son.

Take whatever rolls your way and be open to life!

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Matthew B.
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 02:57 PM

LMAO

You've got a good point about the charisma, but I just don't get the sense that they're sinister enough to even bother with setting up any pyramid schemes or anything else that doesn't involve some really good music making.

But, but all means, do tell.

:o)

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 02:29 PM

Matthew B, Are you saying that Max and his elves are NOT charismatic?? I'll tell.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Matthew B.
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 02:11 PM

Dear, Sweet, Fair Young Maid,

Mudcat's no cult, Hon. There's far too much free thinking around here, no centralized charismatic leadership or life-consuming pyramid schemes, no central doctrine (other than somethink like "Hey, this music is kinda neat, ain't it?"), no power base, no inner cirle of exploitive leaders, and no coercion of any kind.

On the other hand, it can be fun from time to time to get together and perform certain rituals. (What a tingly concept! Yum!) But since our rituals would probably fall into only 3 categories -- making music, eating/drinking, and finding new friends/lovers -- it's doubtful that we'd qualify as a true cult. On the other hand, some of you around here (who shall remain nameless... you know who you are, don't you?) already have something of a "cult following" of admirers here in Mudcat.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 10:55 AM

Seems as though we could use Utah Phillips here with his 'Moose Turd Pie'.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Peter T.
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 09:28 AM

Ah Fair Youngmaid, you have hit on a classic problem, which is that under moments of great romantic stress, the cerebral and logical desperately go into attempting to clear everything up with rationality, because that is what they are good at, and feel comfortable with. This is usually the worst possible approach to take. "What do you mean by do I love you? I suppose there are different versions of what that might mean....for instance...."(large pie with suspicious substances baked into it hits face). Personally, I am not cerebral or logical at all in these situations, but I have seen these at work close up!

Boy, last night seems to have been a rough night all over. Terry, campfire, look after yourselves, please.
Yours, PeterT.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Mark Roffe
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 02:37 AM

When I finally got my heart broke (many years later than it should have happened, bastard heartbreaker that I'd been), one good thing happened. I finally really understood where the blues come from. Listening to the blues, I finally really identified with what was being sung about.
And the tool that worked for me to get over the worst of it was to repeatedly tell myself "she's dead, she died." That way, I convinced myself that there was no getting her back. It stopped me from calling and begging fruitlessly. I convinced myself that she was gone for good and that there was absolutely no way she was ever coming back. She was dead. And it really worked.

Bark Woof

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: campfire
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 01:23 AM

Thanks, Terry -

I just got home from ending a year-plus relationship; I love him; he claims to be incapable of ever loving "that completely" again. I know I've hurt this bad before; I'd just forgotten how bad it feels. My mother used to tell me childbirth was like that - If you remembered the pain, no woman would ever have more than one child! I guess if we remembered how much it hurts to end a relationship, we'd never start another.

So I'll remind myself that I WILL get over him, that I was happy BEFORE I met him, re-read the advice above (including my own), hopefully NOT drink myself silly, and go cry myself to sleep.

Thanks for listening.

campfire

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Rita64
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 09:40 PM

Gracious! It seems I have created a thread that everyone can relate to. Thanks for asking, I am feeling much better or at least less hysterical. In the last few days I have reached a kind of calm plateau of emotion (if my general state of being at the moment could be described as a colour it would be pale lilac blue denoting calm and fragility) - I have realised that I just have to LET GO OF HIM. I know my path in life will be fraught with perils (in the form of people) but you have all shown me that all the danger is worth it. Thanks, I will recover. Also, imagining the shit pie oozing from his handsome face has provided great entertainment (ta muchly MAG)!!!

Peter and Alice, there is nothing wrong with being cerebral and logical. The presence of these (usually admirable) qualities during a time when emotion or nurturing would be more appropriate however is unacceptable. Don't you agree?

Matthew and KC, I am quite cynical/sceptical/questioning in relation to religion - a product of my Catholic upbringing - and while I respect and appreciate religious people I can't say I would ever be swept away by a loving and nurturing cult in my "troubled time". Also, my BS detector is fully operational - I have never been able to stomach insincere/deluded people, dammit. I just had a thought ... COULD WE CONSIDER FOLK MUSIC AND ITS FOLLOWERS AS A CULT? Hmmm ...

Thanks to you all, FYM xxxx

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Terry
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 06:54 PM

To follow up on Uilleand's posting...a wise woman once told me that just because a relationship has ended doesn't invalidate it or mean it didn't have great significance in our lives. Too often we feel foolish for having cared deeply for the people who reject us or we think we've wasted our time with them.

The end of a relationship is a death. We mourn our loved ones, no matter how they die, and treasure their memory. So should we, I think, allow ourselves to mourn the death of a dream that has died and try to treasure its good memories.

Last night, I ended a several-years-long, on again-off again relationship with a man I love very much who isn't able to give me the commitment I want. My heart is broken. The only thing that got me through the night was remembering the wise woman's words and reminding myself that I've recovered from a broken heart before.

Make dates with friends so that you have at least one thing to look forward to every week. And, force yourself to keep those dates even if you feel rotten.

My sister, who is a clinical psychologist, tells me that getting adequate sleep and nutrition are the two best things we can do to safeguard not only our physical but our mental health.

Good luck to you.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Uilleand
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 05:46 PM

"I really learned a lot from you" -- is that really a line or can it maybe mean that being with you wasn't a waste of my time but it is time to move on? The question here is whether you would go into the relationship knowing its outcome. Would you have rather missed all the joys and the sorrows of a relationship because it would eventually end like all things do in one way or another? Maybe it's a way of saying I would do it if it were to do again, just because our paths are parting does not mean I regret a moment of my time spent with you. Sometimes the courage lies not in the staying, but in the parting. Just another perspective.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: reggie miles
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 04:26 PM

FYM,

I wish I could say I was immune but I too have been struck squarely across the midsection with a very sharp blow, like being struck with a 2x4, at least that's how it felt to me. Fortunately there were friends, just a couple, who cared enough to travel great distances to be with me during all that and even offer to drag me away from the whole mess which in retrospect was an excellent decision. Just having friends who gave a hoot enough to drive across several states to hang with me was a very powerful antidote. That was long before this sort of long distance contact. I hightailed it out of town, out of state, on tour with one good friend. A different enviorment helped.

I remember my high school english teacher always quoted, "love is blind and lovers do not see the silly follies that themselves commit". At the time I had no idea what he was talking about but at that time I had never been in love either. Since then I've had to hear this parting line far too many times for my liking, "I really learned a lot from you". What exactly is that suppose to impart??? It's almost scary the number times I've heard that line. It must be a favorite in some how to break up with your man self help manual for women.

So you and a couple of girlfriends head out of town and take in a festival or whatever. Get into a different place with some good friends and have some fun in a healthy environment. Okay?

Hey it worked for me.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Peter T.
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 09:57 AM

Went to see "Notting Hill" last night (not a great romantic film like "Out of Sight" but pretty good) and realized that one of the things not mentioned in this thread was power. What happens in most true romantic comedies (which are meditations on our theme) including Notting Hill, is that the lovers keep trying to sort out their mutual power relations. In the film what is interesting is that the woman has most of the power, and the man is the suppliant maiden (though it has to be handled very carefully, and semi-passively on his part, which works for Brits dealing with Americans). Anyway, what is usually required in these films is that both people have to reject each other once so as not to lose their autonomy; and of course come back together again when it is all over. One problem with the rejection scenario played out in this thread is that you are rejected with no possibility of getting back to a position of equality again . You have lost face, and are admittedly without power. The dream is that you will regain that power, or that you will get a chance to do to them what they did to you (which is why romantic comedies are so addictive). The secret of course is to reject that whole structure of power/powerlessness and move on. Or go and rent "It Happened One Night", "The Lady Eve", etc..
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: annamill
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 09:56 AM

I haven't gotton any work done since I found Mudcat!! I'm developing true multi-tasking. When one is busy I'm off to the other one. This is so much fun!!! How are you faring, Fair Young Maid?

annap

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Matthew B.
Date: 10 Jun 99 - 09:40 AM

I know the feeling, Alice. My boss has been frowning at me.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Alice
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 10:30 PM

between this and the Hokey Pokey/Druid thread, I am not getting ANY work done... I'd better stop Mudcatting for awhile. (are you cheered up, Fair Young Maid? If not, see the aforementioned hokey pokey thread.) -alice

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Alice
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 10:23 PM

Dear Peter, coincidental that you should mention Thomas Aquinas, because I was just discussing a point from the Summa Theologica a couple of days ago with a person who was born and raised in a cult, who is coming to terms with the misconceptions she has had regarding religion, since her father claimed to be THE messenger from God. She knew at age 8 that something was very wrong with what she was taught, and knew at 14 that she had to leave, because staying was unbearable. She is now in her 30's. I pointed out that according to Aquinas, the greatest thing we can know about God is that God is unknowable. When Aquinas realized this, he went into a great silence that lasted for years. He realized that up until that point, he had been writing about the indescribable, and ultimately, those who 'say' do not 'know', and those who 'know' cannot 'say'. I loaned her one of my favorite books on this subject, "Awareness", by Anthony deMello, S.J., and she headed off to Chicago with it. I know she will send it back, but at this moment it is probably just as well I don't have it... I would be copying quotes from it into this thread ;->

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 09:40 PM

Dear Alice, actually it was meant as a mild joke, whether it was helpful or not.... The only medieval theory I believe is the one about the sun going around the earth. Everyone else I know believes it too: otherwise why don't we call it earthset and earthrise?
I first heard the humours theory expounded by a student of Thomas Aquinas, who got us to remember the biles, sanguines, melancholia (under the sign of Saturn), by reference to contemporary things like showers and such. I have personally found that nothing works, and I have the water bills and Scoth crates to prove it!
Yours, Peter T.
P.S. Hi, Sheye. Where have you been keeping yourself (and your irritating cerebrum, as if, as they say in Southern California)?

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Alice
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 09:00 PM

An interesting site regarding Who Joins a Cult? is at the brain research section of the Omni Magazine website. Take the challenge. The Cult Test.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: WyoWoman
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 08:54 PM

Oh, Peter T, I loved the "Four Humours" explanation. I don't believe much of anything, but I find plenty very interesting. I had developed a personal theory that the showers and baths were important to me because I have a Pisces ascendant, and I don't even believe in astrology. so you see, I'll take shelter in any old theory in a storm.

And yes, the "It's not personal" thing.... on the one hand, I know that. I mean, we all have our personal pathologies and we just do this weird irrational crap sometimes, driven by whatever ghosts and compulsions happen to be the chauffeur that particular day. But still, over there, in the other person's experience, it feels exquisitely personal when, in the course of about two minutes, you do something that alters their entire future. I'm not arguing that maybe it was best, or will be ultimately, that my future be altered in that way. The Kat (that means me, not katlaughing, although she's welcome to apply it if the shoe fits) always lands on her feet -- but sometimes she does some mad scrambling midair. This is especially true when the rug unceremoniously gets yanked from under oneself.

And by the way, Fair Youngmaiden, I wouldn't get too weirded out about the "cults" thing. You're a smart and perceptive young woman, seems to me. Just pay attention to any quivering of the antennae on your B.S. detector and you'll be just peachy.

KC

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Matthew B.
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 05:37 PM

And one more warning, while you're still so hurt, lonely and vulnerable: don't get pulled into any cults. Some of them are in the most unrecognizable-as-cults forms you could ever imagine, so just make sure you decline offers to attend any "meetings," "workshops" etc, unless they're highly recommended and endorse by someone you've known and trusted for a long time. Even then, check them out against this list for reports of abuse from ex-members:

http://www.freedomofmind.com/
(and select the "Groups" tab for an easy index)

They'll bombard you with love (or at least a good imitation of it) until you're theirs. Then, before you know it, they'll suck the life out of you.

Just stick with us instead. We'll cherish you as you truly deserve.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Sheye
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 01:15 PM

Sorry Peter, but I'd like to grab that title. I am "cerebral and logical" and occasionally irritating as well. Bits of background, whether historical or in recognizing our own experiences flavouring our current choices, are fundamental ways of growing, improving, learning, and avoiding error repetition.

What you posted makes sense instinctively as well. Warmth is symbolic of nurturing and acceptance. When a person is lonely, they feel cold, physically and figuratively.

yep, hot baths beat chugging Jack Daniels from the bottle while sitting on the floor in an empty living room any day! A friend walked in on me and asked me what I was doing (the drinking binge - not the bath) and I said I was working on the mother of all hangovers because I deserved it! Made sense at the time...

Ah, hot baths... candles and bubbles, music of choice drifting in the mist. Luxury and pampering. Allowing time to stand still and remember why you are so wonderful, and appreciate your cornerstones, yourself, your friends. Not nearly as hard on the head the morning after!

Somewhere up above was another gentle reminder, that of being true to yourself. Partners enhance your life, they do not create you or protect you from life. It's a different kind of love when you can give of yourself to another person knowing that you want them in your life to share and grow, and not because you need them to make you feel complete.

Warmest regards, Maiden
Sheye

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Alice
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 12:12 PM

just reread my post and realized it may sound a little harsh toward you, Peter, (I don't understand the friend in disguise message, either... cerebral?), anyway, Peter, I know your reference to the 4 humours was meant to be helpful, not to lead anyone in the wrong direction. - a.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Alice
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 11:14 AM

ummmm... Peter, that's very humourous, but not up to date. (I prefer the medical reasoning of the scientific method... been there, done that, also, on believing in primitive/new age/herbal/medieval medicine.) Medieval ideas, whether they are about romance, medicine, or spirituality can lead to being out of touch with reality. I now prefer to take advantage of the knowledge and wisdom gained since the medieval times. Wanting to live in the past, even the past of "folk music" or folk medicine can lead to problems in the present. ...just keeping this in perspective. I do see the lure of explaining melancholy and despair in terms of romantic symbols. The hot bath helps you calm down and relax anxiety, but, especially at the time of losing a love, it is important to not become vulnerable to irrational thinking. Since I have worked in the area of cult information, I have seen many people fall prey to quackery, cults, charlatans and false gurus, because they are trying to recover from and understand the loss of their loved one. People in their 20's are uniquely vulnerable to fraud and cult recruitment, but anyone at anytime who goes through a crisis stage in life can be vulnerable. Just my 2 cents worth. (Fair Youngmaid... take note, don't waste any time or money on psychics, etc, trying to 'figure out' what happened in this relationship!) -alice

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 10:55 AM

A. I had nothing to do with Fair YoungMaid. (alas)
B. She is in Australia, for God's sake. (alas)
C. I am not irritatingly cerebral and logical.
Therefore (Q.E.D.), what kind of friend in disguise are you?

Supplemental Corollary: May your heart be broken by a cardiovascular surgeon (they know where the knife goes!)
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: a friend in disguise
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 10:24 AM

Peter T
does your approach in the above message mean that you too are "irritatingly cerebral and logical" ?

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 09:42 AM

According to the medieval theory of the 4 humours, hot, dry, cold, and wet were opposites that could be paired, and needed balancing if they were tipped too far in the direction of one or more humours.. Melancholy and despair were examples of cold/ dry, and they should be balanced by heavy doses of hot/ wet. Just to bring you up to date on medical reasoning about this....
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Alice
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 09:11 AM

KC, yes, thanks for mentioning long HOT baths as one of the coping tools. Many long hot baths (I sometimes took 3 a day - what is it with the bath and showers you ask?) and they calmed me enough to avert the brink of suicide during that 20something aged mother of all heartbreaks.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 08:47 AM

KC, He probably took one look at your CD collection and thought this woman is too much of a woman for me. You've got to hide those women blues singers records behind the sofa, honey
(and don't you hate it when they say it isn't personal? What is it then, official?Business?To current occupier?)
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: WyoWoman
Date: 09 Jun 99 - 12:37 AM

Well, Fair Youngmaid, I wish I could say that such heartbreak is limited to the young and once you pass a certain age, the statute of limitations is up and you don't have to worry. Tis not true, alas. I have a daughter your age and have been blessed with much love and laughter in my life, and also with much heartbreak of one kind or another-- part of the joy and weirdness of being a human bean.

I had been alone for several years,focusing on getting my children raised and successfully "launched," without a parade of "Mom's boyfriends" in their lives. And I was successful at that. But when I moved to a new state three years ago, I met a man who seemed really wonderful in a quiet, unassuming way. One thing led to another and eventually he asked me to marry him and I said yes and we set a date, got a ring ...

I was truly happy. Then just after Christmas moved out. No notice, no by-your-leave, no conversation about what was wrong. Nothin'. What hurt the worst was not being able to make sense of it. I kept trying to understand what I did wrong. What I could have done differently. Why I didn't SEE what was coming?

And I was completely flattened. I spent most of January just doing my best to get up in the morning, go to work and not be too much of a pain in the neck during the day to all who love me, then praying to sleep at least some of the night ... It was truly hell.

I can honestly say that music pulled me through. I sang and sang and sang. I stood in the shower and sang until the hot water ran out. I sat on the sofa and sang until my voice simply quit. It seemed that the only way my heart could stop hurting was if I sang. And when I wasn't singing, I was listening to the music of others.

I took long, hot baths. I ate as much nourishing food as I could force myself to eat. I have a small group of friends here with whom I let myself be as much of a mess as I needed to be. And with everyone else, I tried very hard to put on my game face and not bleed too much in front of them. Fake it 'til you make it.

Now, six months later, I can say that I'm actually feeling happy again. Work is a wonderful balm. Friends are pure gold. Physical exercise matters a great deal. Being kind to oneself is fundamental--hanging up on those internal conversations in which you tell yourself you must be unlovable and undesirable to have brought such a fate down upon yourself.

I must admit, though, I can't imagine ever letting myself care that way about anyone again. Maybe it'll happen, but right now? I simply can't imagine. He emailed me yesterday -- he's moved to a new job in another state. He says he's sorry. It wasn't personal and he urges me to "get over it."

I didn't know what to say to that.

So I hit the delete button and I've put on the "Essential Women of the Blues" CD from House of Blues.

KC

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Bulldog
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 10:34 PM

I appologise. you are quite right, this was supposed to go on another thread... it now is. Arthritis has claimed my fingers and I have a bad habit of clicking twice. Sorry People!

Bye Bye

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Night Owl
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 10:27 PM

....and don't hit submit twice!!!

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Night Owl
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 10:24 PM

Seems appropriate to me...i.e. "broken heart".....Bulldog..I hope your dissillusionment with us heals. We do choose to violate some basic rules i.e. NEVER discuss Religion or Politics etc. We have the knowledge that the commonality of our music binds us together, and that regardless of our best attempts to express ourselves honestly and openly,, the totality and full context of our meanings is near impossible to articulate in brief postings....to listen requires some faith that we mean NO ONE harm...just expressing passionate feelings. Part of what makes "Mudcats" unique and fun I think!! Reread some of the above posts' good advice...yours included from June 7th..."Take care of yourself....Don't stay sad forever."

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Night Owl
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 10:23 PM

Seems appropriate to me...i.e. "broken heart".....Bulldog..I hope your dissillusionment with us heals. We do choose to violate some basic rules i.e. NEVER discuss Religion or Politics etc. We have the knowledge that the commonality of our music binds us together, and that regardless of our best attempts to express ourselves honestly and openly,, the totality and full context of our meanings is near impossible to articulate in brief postings....to listen requires some faith that we mean NO ONE harm...just expressing passionate feelings. Part of what makes "Mudcats" unique and fun I think!! Reread some of the above posts' good advice...yours included...."Take care of yourself....Don't stay sad forever."

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: gargoyle
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 10:15 PM

For a safe "on-line-relationship" .... several continents away .... try .... [e-mail].

(Nope it ain't me, but his heart, like yours, has been recently broken also.)

Tell him I sent you and he will probably kick my butt across to Australia - for he is young and vibrant - and in the dumps.

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Matthew B.
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 10:11 PM

Gee, don't you just hate it when that happens?

:o)

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: bbc
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 07:23 PM

The previous post appears a bit misplaced in this thread, doesn't it?

bbc

Subject: RE: Mudcatters - how do you mend a broken heart?
From: Bulldog
Date: 08 Jun 99 - 06:37 PM

I appear to have upset some people by expressing my opinions. Removed from the list so to speak. Interesting that the example of why I am against special rights was not mentioned. Just so you understand where I am coming from: I am against special status for anyone. Violence is unnacceptable in any form. ALL PEOPLE need to be protected. ie: If you kill a Cop you should be hung. Why? if you kill me you should get the same. Gays are campaigning for special status; when all they really need is recognition as Human Beings, with all their rights intact. Special status makes a political statement that I object to. It would seem that this gets lost in the translation somewhere. I shall depart with grace and leave you all to ponder. Never fear, I shall not re-appear.....Goodbye Mudcat