BS: I am not perfect after all

Subject: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans common sense
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 04:21 PM

Ok. I claim to interfere in healthcare, which I do. Also, my responsible adult is a consultant surgeon.

We are both familiar with the concept of never putting anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.

However..

Ten mins prior to setting off on holiday today I decided to a) put a cotton bud in my ear and b) retrieve it sans the cotton wool tip. It appears to be stuck to my eardrum. The GP practice near where I have rented a cottage looks like getting some work tomorrow.

As we both work in healthcare, she is so happy that I am partially deaf when she is talking at me and that day 1 shall be spent in a surgery being called a dozy pillock.

I assume this is divine retribution for starting a heretic religion on an adjacent thread. Watch yer back Steve!

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Joe Offer
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 04:31 PM

Ouch!

Well, I suspect you will survive the surgery. Hope it doesn't ruin your holiday.

On the other hand, it serves you right, you heretic, you....

Cheers!

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 04:32 PM

I always said you was a dozy pillock, Musket. Roight, then! I stand vindicy'ted.

- Olive Whatnoll

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 04:35 PM

The brother of a friend of mine had some ass-issues, which eventually resulted in him having a hemroid operation. In assessing the situation, my friend confided to me, "I guess nobody can call him a perfect asshole anymore"

:)

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 04:49 PM

Perfection is an elusive goal. Many try to attain it. Few succeed. But you, Musket...you came soooo close! I weep for your fall. (grin)

Here's a tip for next time. Rotate the cotton bud when first inserting it. You will find that when rotated one direction, it tightens more around its wooden shaft...rotated the other way, it starts to loosen some. If you always rotate it in the direction of tightening, it's most unlikely to come off when you go to remove it.

Just testing it now myself to see which direction is the right one for tightening...and.........ummm..................-----oh, shit!

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: akenaton
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 04:51 PM

Be very sure that they remove the correct cotton ball.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 05:03 PM

Might be easier to push it out the other side.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 05:09 PM

You're suggesting there's nothing between his ears but fluff, Ake? ;-)

Perhaps reverse the flow of air on a shop vac and blow it out the other side with the wand...

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 05:11 PM

Have you tried pouring olive oil in your ear, Musket? The cotton tip can't be stuck with superglue, just wax. Oil (warmed slightly) may flush it out fairly easily. But do try not to poke at your ear too much and inflame the inside. Good luck!

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 05:28 PM

I use a common match for those duties... No, not lit and not the end that lights and no wooden matches... Does a great job of getting wax out...

Actually, I tried to get my elbow in there but I think I'd have to break my arm off to pull that off...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans olive oil
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 05:56 PM

I had thought of olive oil Eliza, thanks. There was a time when it was only available from chemists after all. None at the cottage though.

Joe is on the button. Divine retribution after all. Oh... Scottish atheists are black balled too. Although the new religion (see other thread) will need some expertise in judging others.

Perhaps Van Gogh could be my inspiration?

Oh me name it is Van Gogh, lend an ear......

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 06:24 PM

I used to be conceited, but since I stopped being that, I'm perfect.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 07:38 PM

I did the opposite a while back -- used one of them things but it did't have cotton on the end. Got some blood, but the doc checked it later and said there was no problem.

I replied, "What say?"

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Ron Davies
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 08:06 PM

Thread title is nice to know.   Sorry that you're the only Mudcatter who isn't perfect.

But stick around, we'll do our best to teach you.

However, "heretic religion" is not the problem, as I suspect you know.   Your and your fellow militant atheists have determined what everybody else should believe---you are the new orthodoxy (the martyr's hairshirt doesn't quite fit you), and you are not willing to live and let live, which the believers on Mudcat are willing to do.

And please note I was not the one who brought this up on your new thread. For the culprit, look in the mirror. Thread creep?:       Physician, heal thyself.



All that said, sorry about your ear problem.



And I will turn the thread back to you--this is my first and last comment.   Somehow, however, I suspected it would not be said without my participation.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Ron Davies
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 08:19 PM

Well, lookee there, it was not my last comment.    But those who want confirmation on what I said on the new orthodoxy--and are willing to slog through an amazing amount of drivel on the Miiitant Atheist thread (and sense, once in a while, from folks like Joe) --can judge for themselves.

That's it--as Bullwinkle used to say:   this time for sure.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 11:34 PM

I agree with you 100% on this, Ron. You can be a mean old coot, but when you're right, you're right. ;-) I don't disagree with people here simply based on who they are (as so many of the members here do), but rather on exactly what they say at any given time, and how they go about saying it.

And this time we happen to agree.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Jun 13 - 11:41 PM

IF you are going to stick something in your ear you might consider using something stronger than earwax. A genius like you foiled by a poorly constructed swab? What is the world coming to?

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans Ian
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 02:20 AM

Ok. My little list of black ball heretics lengthens. Ron was not only on it but an inspiration for the agenda item. Little Hawk made the mistake of giving credence to him and Sailor Boy just happened to randomly press buttons on his keyboard as ever.

You are all bullying my religion I'll have you know and there are laws about that over here. Just because it doesn't have a name yet and I am having to form a coalition with a Liverpool supporter doesn't make it any less credible than any other Creed.

As for my ear, off down to the local quack after breakfast. Mrs Musket too busy laughing to use her skills and the dog is busy preparing the outline for our testament.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Joe Offer
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 03:24 AM

Musket, I know this divine retribution stuff is hard on you. Can I buy you a beer to ease the pain?

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans Ian
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 03:51 AM

Of course you can Joe. But beware, I am staying around the corner from The Adnams brewery so my capacity for beer has no limits imposed in this lovely little town.

If anyone wishes to join us, you are welcome. I especially invite any militant atheists as I am curious what you look like or sound like. Ron Davis and Seaman Stains seem to believe in them to the point of seeing them walk amongst mortals so I would love to see what makes them tick.

If either of the two above wish to turn up, they can stand on what for now is my deaf side whilst Joe and I discuss origins of ballads.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 03:57 AM

From the title, i had hoped this thread was from Rapparree, but I realize I was just fantasizing. Back to bed, the lot of you!

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 07:33 AM

Van Gogh never forgot anything that was said to him. It went in one ear and stayed there.

I'll get me coat...

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans bravery
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 07:50 AM

To paraphrase Les Barker, on the subject of Van Gogh..

Drinking Adnams leads to tears
I can preach I can preach
Drinking Adnams leads to tears
I can preach
Drinking Adnams leads to tears
Cos it rots away your ears
And the parts that other beers
Cannot reach.

About to go to get the lug oil sorted.

Be nice to hear the sea and seagulls in stereo.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 11:02 AM

Van Gogh... reflecting on his judgmental error

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans wax
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 11:20 AM

Not perfect yet. Got some drops and an invite to go back next week.

Still, I am perfect in other ways all the same. I support the best team in the world, my singing is pitch perfect and Martin Simpson watches my guitar work on utube for inspiration. God is in his heaven and the pubs here are open all day.

Hallelujah

Who needs reality when I can find comfort in my delusion? (The bit about the pubs is bang on the button though. Not many places in a small town where people an congregate and talk bollocks. Just pubs and churches.)

Playing to the crowd in case an onlooker wonders what this is about....

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: olddude
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 11:28 AM

I will dig it out fer ya with my fishing knife. Here is a true story, When I was a kid 10 years old we lived next to a RR. They use to park train cars full of corn or wheat sometimes and my cousins and I would jump into them .. lots of fun. When I was 23 years old I had a really bad ear infection. The doc cleaned my ear and yup - A big grain of corn came out. That thing was in my ear for 13 years and I never knew it ... Wonder why it never sprouted

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 11:38 AM

I've wondered why Martin Simpson's been off his game of late. Question answered.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 11:47 AM

You wonder why it never sprouted, olddude?

(I was going to make some snarky remark, Dan, but couldn't do it to you :) Love ya)

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 11:57 AM

akenaton: "Be very sure that they remove the correct cotton ball."

Come on now, Akenaton, it's not brain surgery!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans the good professor
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 12:56 PM

Hi Goofus!

The good professor. .. naw. He can tell you himself. ..

Can't you boy?

Woof!

Ok. What do you want to say to Goofus?

Woof! Woof! Grrr....   woof!   Woof! Woof!

There boy, dont get too excitable. Have a gravy bone. You can play with Goofus another day. Yes, that's right. You are both barking...

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,musket sans Mr Simpson
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 01:13 PM

He isn't off his game through The Musket Play With Yourself in a Day songbook, but from adopting his father in law's politics. ....












That far, just that little distance from satire.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 01:25 PM

"Who needs reality when I can find comfort in my delusion?" You've just described most of the people in the world, religious or not!

But I think it's time we heard from your dog, Musket. ;-) He's probably less delusional than 98% of humanity is. I bet he never worries about politics and identifies with no political party whatsoever, for instance. And he probably ignores utterly arbitrary conventions like borderlines drawn on maps, and is unfazed by nakedness in public places.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 01:32 PM

Musket is his dog.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 04:47 PM

"I bet he [the dog] never worries about politics and identifies with no political party whatsoever, for instance."

If his dog is anything like any of my dogs were, then the dog supports trash dumps, garbage days and leftovers. Find a party that speaks to those topics and that's who the dog votes for. Or the nearest person eating darned near anything.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans canine attributes
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 05:00 PM

Ah. Back from a nice evening of pub followed by a nice restaurant. Adnams of course. Then at the restaurant, smoked sea trout with samphire followed by guinea fowl two ways, slow roast and confit.

Ok. Back to silliness.

Yep. My greyhound, known on Mudcat as the good professor, in racing circles as Fridays Touch and the Musket household as Rio is bloody intelligent actually. He is top dog and no mistake. Ten mins from now, he will be strutting round Southwold whilst I carry his shit for him in a bag.

Politics is complicated for him. Born in Kilkenny, raced in Dundalk, his take on life is Irish to say the least but the gravy bone lobby has his vote, as does the campaign to allow dogs to fart without being kicked out from the comfortable fireside rug whilst we are trying to watch telly.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 05:21 PM

He sounds like a classic canine of the better bred sort. ;-) Why do they call him "Friday's Touch"?

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans Ian
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 05:30 PM

Dunno. That was his racing name. We adopted him from a charity shelter for retired racing greyhounds. I suppose, like horses, each racing name must be unique.

Ex racers make excellent pets. He is timid and took over a year to come out of his shell. I doubt his treatment was much better than the press stories about how racing dogs arettreated so no wonder it took so long. No matter, he has a humane loving family and a hoard of admirers now. He plays second fiddle only to my granddaughter in my affection.

All this AND he has Goofus weighed up. Not bad for a sight hound eh?

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: akenaton
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 06:05 PM

LH....as Ian appears to know as much about greyhounds as he does about politics or social issues, perhaps I can answer your question.

Greyhound breeding kennels often use a prefix such as "Droopy's", "Ballymac", or "Friday's" on most of the pups they produce to advertise their origin...They then add a second part to the name to designate the particular hound.....like "Droopy's Rocket", "Ballymac Pride" or "Friday's Touch".
A "touch" is greyhound parlance for a winning bet.....almost always contrived by devious means! (presumably thats where Ian comes in) :0).

Friday's Touch was a fair beast in his racing days....in fact he is quite closely related to two of my own dogs through his dam line.
I use the "Slaneyside" breeding and the dogs grand dam and great grand dam were from "Slaneyside stock".

Friday's was just under open class as a racer, but even so, was much classier than his owner!

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 06:50 PM

Well I'll fucking be!

What a cool post!

Thank you on behalf of all of us!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 09:48 PM

Yeah, very cool. It's like this with Dachshunds too, but Dachshund races aren't quite such a highbrow affair.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Jun 13 - 10:48 PM

I have a vague memory of trying to be still while the missionary friend of my parents used a half-straightened paper clip to dig what ended up being about half a cigarette out of one of my ears (felt like he got it from halfway down my neck!) that had gotten in there when I got walloped in the waves at the beach when I was little and we were in West Africa without access to mod cons...

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 02:42 AM

I used to be conceited...but now, I'm just perfect!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans the good professor
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 02:54 AM

You sound surprised Goofus. I thought your conversations with him, you would have learned a little about his past.

As Akenaton agrees (whilst trying as ever to make me look small) , the names are unique. The extra details he supplied are available on most greyhound sites. My little boy did have a short but successful racing career and was worth a bob or two in his Ireland days. Of course I never knew him then.

Ex racers make excellent pets and come fairly well house trained. They are not always used to homes though and take time to become fully domesticated. He is 6 years old and only last year learned how to play for playing sake, seeing a game of chase in the garden as something he starts rather than me and not feeling he is in trouble.

I suppose the sad bit is the advice from the rescue trusts not to allow them loose in public places as they are trained to see small furry creatures as prey. There is evidence on the RSPCA website to suggest some are trained with live bait, sickening but where money is concerned, not surprising.   Luckily, he has a very large garden to run in and his walks on a lead are long and often.   Otherwise his hobbies include sleeping and farting. He also steals paint brushes and wine corks to chew on.

Earlier this morning on our hols, the beach was empty so he did get a good run. The rescue trusts do say they don't need much exercise. I assume this is to not put people off adopting. Funny though that the more he gets the better he is...

The best thing about greyhounds is that they are non judgemental. He even goes up to gay people for a fuss.   I take it yours do too Akenaton?

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 11:45 AM

If tryin' to make other people look small had the desired effect, but mainly on the one doin' it, mosta you would be microscopic by now. ;-D Ook! Ook!

- Chongo

p.s. I never liked dogs much. They bark at me for some reason.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 12:35 PM

Hey man, I just complimented him on his post...too bad, if that offends your attempts at feeding a bias against him. It was a cool post from him.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans the good professor
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 12:38 PM

Dogs sniff the stuff but chimps fling it.

I can make chimps look small. You guys have been around years yet never invented picked quail eggs or iPads. Why is that?

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 12:54 PM

Coz we got higher priorities in mind than that, Roscoe. That's why. Stuff you ain't never even thought of. Ya know what? You are gettin' soooo small in my view of things that it's like lookin' at you down the wrong end of a telescope, know what I mean?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: akenaton
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 01:55 PM

I like to get on with people Ian... You make a habit of sneering at others, name calling, and being generally dismissive of my friends.

If you were a real liberal, you would want to engage in debate, but you believe that debate on certain subjects only lends "respectability" to your opponent....you wish them to be silenced...you are the antithesis of liberalism, this is what makes you look small, not anything I might say.
Sanity and Jack are both as intelligent as you, perhaps more so, yet you continuously attempt to treat them as idiots because they dont always agree with you.

No one is perfect, but if you want to be respected as a fair minded individual, you should have a long hard look at your attitude to other members of this forum.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: GUEST,Musket sans Ian
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 05:22 PM

1. I ain't no liberal and never tried being one.

2. I can disagree and respect as well as anyone.

3. Don't judge a book by its cover unless the book is called "Why I exhibit prejudice. "

You can disagree with someone's choice of football team, prefer alternatives in music or choice of religion including no religion.

But you don't disagree with murder, you don't disagree with bigotry, you don't disagree with intolerance. You state it is wrong. You refuse to give it credence. You deny it the respectability of debate.

Like it or lump it, you repeatedly state an opinion that goes beyond respectability. You exhibit a preference for not respecting the equal rights of people based on their preferences of partners in love. Goofus thinks preference can be"cured." That is disgusting. Full stop.

Jack the Sailor finds excuses to ridicule people for not sharing his delusion.

Respect? Earn the fucker.

Subject: RE: BS: I am not perfect after all
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 06:08 PM

Now, lads....

You're assuming some very bad things about your customary "opponents" that are extreme stereotypes, and are probably not true. A little less heat and a little more willingness to actually listen to what other people are saying and genuinely attempt to understand their concerns would do wonders.

On the other hand, your bickering does provide a certain form of cheap entertainment on a slow day, I must admit...and I know that there's probably nothing I could possibly say to get you to stop doing it....so...what the hell...

Have at it, ye poxy swine! Do your worst, you knaves, varlets, and cutpurses, and the Devil take the hindmost!