Worst pop song ever!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Oct 08 - 06:29 AM

Who wrote or sang the song...God didn't make little green apples

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lancashire Lad
Date: 24 Apr 04 - 03:34 PM

God there are so many to choose from

Achy Breaky Heart
Agadoo
If (as hammed up by Telly Savalis)

These are 3 that spring to mind

LL

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: *Laura*
Date: 24 Apr 04 - 03:27 PM

Not really the worst - but with some pretty stupid lyrics:
"We go together like ramalamalama ka ding a da ding a dong. Remembered forever like she-bob de wadda wadda yipeddy boom de boom. Chang chang changedy chang she-bop, we'll always be together etc etc....."

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Obie
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 05:04 AM

This Bed Of Rose's      (Stattler Bros.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:10 PM

Thanks, Frank. Great post! You contribute a great deal when you stay North of politics.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Frankham
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 10:05 PM

After a long and impoverished life, a folk singer dies. Due to a few
improprieties early on, he finds himself standing next to the devil justinside the gates of Hell.

"Oh great!" says the devil, "You're here! Everyone's been waiting for you."

The devil picks up the folksinger's guitar case and leads him over to a stage, where a large band is tuning up. There's one available chair. He sits down quickly, takes out his guitar, and begins to tune. As he does this, he looks around.

Next to him is sitting Leadbelly. Merle Watson is on the next chair down,and at the end of the row is Bill Monroe. He glances on the other side --and there's Ewan MacColl, Tony Rose and Derek Bell.

"Wow! This is absolutely amazing!" he exclaims. "This is the
best jam session I've ever seen -- are you sure this is Hell?"

The devil just points to the bandleader's podium, where Lawrence
Welk is standing, waving his baton and saying "And a one, and a two, and a 'Tie a yellow ribbon . . .'"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 09:12 PM

It was worth the effort reading this thread to learn that Rupert Holmes of "Do You Like Pina Coladas" fame also wrote the classic "Timothy". Kinda makes ya' proud ta' be an American.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,aghast and agog
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 04:32 PM

My nominee will tug at your heartstrings:

PATCHES
Clarence Carter

SPOKEN:
I was born and raised down in Alabama
On a farm way back up in the woods
I was so ragged the kids would call me patches
Papa used to kid me about it
Of course deep down inside
He was thinkin he had done all he could do
My papa was a great old man
I can see him with a shovel in his hand
See, education he never had
But he did wonders when the time got bad
A little money from the crops he raised
Barely paid the bills we made
Oh life had kicked him down to the plow
When he tried to get up life would kick him back down
One day papa called me to his dyin bed
Put his hands on my shoulders And in tears he said
Patches, I'm depending on you son
To pull the family through My son, it's all left up to you

SPOKEN:
Two days later papa passed away
I became a man that day
So I told mama I was gonna quit school
But she said that was dad's strictest rule
So every morning 'fore I went to school
I fed the chickens and I chopped wood too
Sometimes I felt that I couldn't go on
I wanted to leave this but I wanted a home
But I always remembered what my daddy said
With tears in his eyes on his dyin bed
He said, "Patches, I'm depending on you son
I tried to do my best, It's up to you to do the rest

SPOKEN:
But then one day a strong rain came
And washed all the crops away
And at the age of thirteen I thought I was carrying
The weight of the whole world on my shoulders
And you know, mama knew what I was going through, Cause
Everyday I had to work the fields
Cause that's the only way we got our meals
You see, I was the oldest of a family
And everybody else depended on me
Every night I heard my mama pray
Lord, give him the strength to face another day
Though years have passed and all the kids are gone
I aimed to take my mama to a brand new home
God knows people that I shed a tear
My daddy's voice helped me through the years
Sayin, "Patches, I'm depending on you son
To pull the family through My son, it's all left up to you
I could still hear papa when he'd say
Patches, I'm depending on you son
I tried to do my best It's up to you to do the rest".

FADE

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 03:27 PM

"Alone Again Naturally" I was trying to think of that one and mercifully had forgotten it until now.

There was "Baby I Love You" by that godawful Andy Kim.

"Tracy" by the Cufflinks was another. The Cufflinks were really the Archies but I guess some contractual thing forced a name change. Jesus, they should have stayed the Archies, who the hell wants to be called the Cufflinks?

I never could stand that "Oh How Happy You Have Made Me" either.

As they used to say on "In Living Color" "Hated it!"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: wyllow
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:52 PM

Heyyyy! i really liked "Brandy" (when i was 13)
there was a song out about that same time (early 70s) that was about a guy whose mother died, dog died, goldfish died, girlfriend left him at the altar, and now he's contemplating suicide....yep, i'm talking about "Alone again, naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan. that has to get some votes here!
also i nominate "Sugar, sugar" by the Archies for pure Yukkk!

wyllow :)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bob Hitchcock
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:58 AM

Wow, what a collection of truly bad music. My choice for sheer, unadulterated pukiness is everything by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Dave Barry published a book some time ago on the worst Pop Songs of all time, I keep a copy here in my studio and every client reads a bit then falls about laughing. My favorite quote is:-

"I think that "Ballerina Girl" is responsible for 90% of all violent crimes commited in North America today"

Buy it.....

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 11:33 PM

Whoops, did anyone mention "Brandy" by Looking Glass and "Billy Don't Be A Hero" and "Seasons in the Sun" and "The Night Chicago Died" and "Chevy Van" and "Indiana Wants Me" and "I am I Said" and "Lonely Boy" and "Shannon" and "I'd Really Love to See You Tonight" and...oh god I have to hurl!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 11:26 PM

People mentioned "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" as being recorded by the 1910 Fruit Gum Company. I could swear it was the Ohio Express. 1910 Fruit Gum Company did "Simple Simon Says" which could easily qualify for this thread.

Somebody mentioned "It Must Be Him" by Vicki Carr and that one is pretty bad--I hated that song as a kid. God, I hated it.

Another I could never stand and I still have to hear it because the guy in the next office plays an oldies station all day is that "Build Me Up Butter Cup." I hated the song when it first came out and I still despise and lothe it with a passion.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: John P
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 10:06 PM

I don't have time to read the whole thread, but my candidates are "Honey", "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" and "Knock Three Times on the Ceiling". Maudlin schmaltz, insipid schmaltz, and offensive schmaltz.

John

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:29 PM

Many of the nominees are "songs we dislike the most". If you want the worst it has to be "Let's Dance" by Chris Montez.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: izzy
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:16 PM

My contender for most cringe-making, claustrophobia-inducing song of all time is Mambo No 5 by Lou Bega. I have to listen to the damn thing EVERY WEEK at the swimming pool. GRR!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: izzy
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:06 PM

Le Moribond is a great song, but Seasons in the Sun is absolutely APPALLING. I've hated it with a passion ever since I was 12, which was when I first heard it on the radio (when you first hear a song THAT bad, it sticks.) It's a wonder it didn't put me off Jacques Brel for life.

And I didn't know that My Way was originally a French tune. Should have guessed. Chronic words. Somebody should start another thread for "worst English versions of foreign songs".

Cheers,

Isabel

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Barb'ry
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 06:15 PM

Has no one mentioned 'Seasons in the sun' by some prat called Terry Jacks (I think). Hate it, hate it, hate it! But I agree that 'Havin my baby' is pretty puke worthy, as is 'I'd like to teach the world to sing', which although it might be a good idea, put me off Coke for a LONG time.
Barb'ry

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Frankham
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 05:57 PM

Aside from "Feelings" I vote for "Do it in the Middle of the Road".
"Tie A Yellow Ribbon" is pretty up there too. But who said the pop field was great art?

Frank H.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Desdemona
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:50 PM

This is a dangerous, dangerous topic, and I have to admit that Little Hawk set the bar veeerrryyy high 'way back in 2000 when he started this whole thing with Dan Hill....yeeesh.

That said, I 2nd his nomination, but feel constrained to add that amongst those who've posted it's hard to think of one REALLY EXECRABLE song that's been missed...the '70s are hands-down the most offendind decade in the history of mankind in this regard, I mean, what can you say about an era that gave us

Captain & Tennille
Donny & Marie
Paul Anka
TONY ORLANDO & DAAAWWWNNN....(oh, my head hurts)
Barry Manilow

Need I go on EXCEPT to add the following:

"It Must Be Him" by Vikki Carr
http://www.lyricsdepot.com/vikki-carr/it-must-be-him.html

Oh, yes, and all those dead sweetheart songs
"Patches, "Tell Laura I LOve Her" and "Teen Angel".....

Diabolical.

D.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Tunesmith
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:44 PM

I haven't looked at every posting in this thread so this might have been said before 1) It is interesting that one person's "worst song" could be another's " favourite song" e.g. Clapton's " Wonderful Tonight" has that "worst or favourite" response 2) I think it is important for posters to explain their choices

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: madwaff
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 03:36 PM

Just found this thread.... Don't believe nobody's mentioned 'Lucky Stars' by Dean Freidman and some poor woman.....

Thanks guys - I now have the worst case of 'earworm' (those tunes -usually dreadful - that just wriggle into your head and stay there for days) I've EVER had.... even though the tunes keep changing..

aaargh

madwaff

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Mrs Gerrard haha
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:24 AM

Any by Victoria "can't sing a note and smiles like shes in agony ( like us when she sings hahahahaha )" Beckham.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 11:39 PM

Muskrat Love was equally insulting to both muskrats and love.

Subject: ADDPOP Knock Three Times
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 11:08 PM

I suppose I'd vote for MacArthur Park. Hey, isn't there a parking garage under that park? Not really much to the park itself.

But hey, how could anybody forget "Knock Three Times"?
-Joe Offer-

TITLE: Knock Three Times
(1971, Irwin Levine & L. Russell Brown)
ARTIST: Tony Orlando and Dawn

Hey girl what ya doin' down there
Dancin' alone every night while I live right above you?
I can hear your music playin'
I can feel your body swayin'
One floor below me you don't even know me
I love you

{Refrain}
Oh, my darling
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh, my sweetness
(Clink, clink, clink) Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Mmm, twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

If you look out your window tonight
Pull in the string with the note that's attached to my heart
Read how many times I saw you
How in my silence I adored you
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come apart

{Refrain}

Read how many times I saw you
How in my silence I adored you
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come apart

{Refrain}

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Sliding Down The Bannister At My Auntie's House
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 07:46 PM

it has to be "wonderful Tonight" by Dave Kenningham

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,BusbitterfraeScotland
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 07:12 PM

Any mordern day songs that's in the charts, and Rap and anything else where you can't hear a tune and words.
Like Nirvana I think are shite, I mean all that Kirk Cubain did was shout, He couldn't sing and these Heavy metal bands, in other words I like music where you can hear the words and it has a tune.
I mean try and hum these so called tune that are played at raves and these other places where young people gather.
Mind you everyone is different.
Tom

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 06:54 PM

I just can't believe this list has existed for *over two years* without anyone nominating the following:

TAKE A LETTER MARIA
Words and music by R. B. Greaves

Last night as I got home about a half past ten
There was the woman I thought I knew
In the arms of another man
I kept my cool, I ain't no fool
Let me tell you what happened then
I packed some clothes and I walked out
And I ain't going back again

CHORUS:

So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife
Say I won't be coming home, gonna start a new life
So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife
Send a copy to my lawyer, gotta start a new life

You've been many things but most of all a good secretary to me
And it's times like this I feel you've always been close to me
Was I wrong to work nights to try to build a good life
All work and no play has just cost me a wife

CHORUS

When a man loves a woman it's hard to understand
That she would find more pleasure in the arms of another man
I never really noticed how sweet you are to me
It just so happens I'm free tonight
Would you like to have dinner with me

CHORUS

So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife
Send a copy to my lawyer, gotta start a new life

***

Nominations also for anything recorded by the Captain and Tennille, particularly (actually the only one I can remember) "Love Will Keep Us Together" -- and let's not forget that other Dynamic Duo, Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood, whose megahit "Some Velvet Morning" is virtually untoppable in the badness department. Though that one may be just due to their truly unique arrangement skills...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 06:03 PM

Worst poop song ever:

Animal crackers in my poop!
Through the intestine, loop the loop...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:56 PM

"Like A Tiger" is up there too. Actually, anything by Fabian.

I'm a man! Yeah Yeah Yeah
I'm a man
Uh huh huh

Re: "Tell Laura I love Her". His name was Tommy and he died in a car race/crash trying to win money for an engagement ring for Laura.

"This Could Go On Forever" anyone know the artist (and I use the term loosely)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:18 PM

It's ba-a-a-a-a-ck!!! Yup, those dreadful pop songs just won't go away! Go down to MalWart right this minute, and listen to 'em on the Muzak! Buy 'em in the CD department! Play 'em in your car on the way home! Consume! Consume! Consume!

- LH

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Beccy
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:10 PM

I don't know if there's anyone aside from me who endured high school in the early 80's but I have a few nominations:

Lies by the Thompson Twins
(insert song title here) by the Flock of Seagulls.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Firecat
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:02 PM

Sorry to refresh this again, but there's been an influx of rubbish pop songs!

Cheeky Girls "The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)"
Las Ketchup "The Ketchup Song"
Rikki and Daz "Rhinestone Cowboy"
George and Zippy "It's A Rainbow"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Frivolous Sal
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 05:41 AM

Folkies? Where? My introduction to Black Betty is an OLD Lomax recording. According to his notes, black betty refers to the whip used to beat the slaves - gives meaning to "Blam-ba-lam" and "dipped in gravy" Yes, Leadbelly did it too. I can't hear it without shuddering.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Frivolous Sal
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 05:33 AM

There have been so many mentioned that I couldn't keep track. Here-after reading 350+ posts are my favorites - (recap)

"Feelings" has to be the top. "Teen Angel" surely equals it! "Afternoon Delight" "MacArthur Park," "Ballad of the Green Berets." "Chain Gang" "My Way" "Horse With No Name" "After the Loving" "Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'round the Old Oak Tree" "Cherish" "Leader of the Pack" "Patches my darling of old shanty-town" "Go Tell Laura I Love Her" "White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation") "Paper Roses"

And my own additions -

"Splish Splash" (I was taking a bath all upon a Saturday night) and "Artificial Flowers" (Made for ladies of fashion to wear - the child dies at the end, I am surprised digitrad hasn't grabbed it) Both done by Bobby Darin "Big John" about a cave-in In the jungle, the mighty jungle, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" - I lived in Japan when that came out, the Far East Network did kid pop for an hour Saturday night. ("Top Twenty"). They sent someone to the States to see if we had the wrong version, and surprised us all by coming back with the same one. In spite of all her learnin'. to the bad I kept on turnin' "Momma Tried" is a family favorite. We were sure it was a joke, till a fan told us it was meant to be serious. "Running Bear" loved little White Dove/ with a love that couldn't die "Are you going to San Francisco? You better wear flowers in your hair". - What were they thinking? (someone else got it too.) "Kisses Sweeter than Wine" Get Michael out of his #*@$% boat please!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Noel P
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:37 PM

Well, since no one else came up with it,
Here it is!!!

Noel P

Idrove my tractor through your 'aystack last night
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
I threw me pitchfork at your dog to be quiet
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Now something's tellin' me that you're avoidin' me
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Come on now darlin' you got something I need

Chorus:

'Cause I've got a bran' new combine harvester and I'll give you the key!
Come on now let's get together in perfect harmony,
I've got twenty acres, and you've got forty-three
Now I've got a bran' new
combine harvester and I'll give you the key!

I'll stick by you I'll give you all that you need,
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
We'll have twins and triplets, I'm a man built for speed.
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
And you know I love ya darlin' so give me your hand
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
But the thing I want the most is all the acres of land!

Chorus

For seven long years I've been alone in this place,
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Pigs sleep in the kitchen, it's a proper disgrace
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Now if I cleaned it up would ya change yer mind,
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
I'll give up drinkin' scrumpy (strumpy?) and that lager of lime.

Chorus

Weren't we a grand couple at that last Wurzel dance,
I wore bran' new gators and me cor-de-roy pants
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
In your new Sunday dress with yer perfume smellin' grand
We had our photos took of us holdin' hands!

Now I've got a bran' new combine harvester and I'll give you the key!
Now that we're both past our fifties, I think that you and me
Should stop this gallavanting and will you marry me?
'Cause I've got a bran' new combine harvester and I'll give you the key!

(Ahhhhh, you're a fine lookin' woman and I can't wait to get me hands on yer land)

Also by The Wurzels - The Blackbird

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Noel P
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 01:35 PM

O.K. Folks, I was looking for the lyrics of the Combine Harvester song. Any chance? Long shot? Thanks if you have. Noel P

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Craigs
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 09:53 PM

"Wendy" by Johnny Gentle, ca, 1963

When I hold you in my arms I (di-da-da) all your charms Just to hold you, and kissyou, Oh, Wendy please don't leave me

So hold me close, hold me tight ....

BEWARE OF THE FLYING RECORD PLAYER!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Hawker
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 09:27 PM

It's going back a bit but how about Leapy Lee's Tiptoe through the tulips? O even OOOO eee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep?

Macarena is effing annoying too!

Lucy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,hamgam
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 09:19 PM

definately"your having my baby" anka

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Nemesis
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 08:22 PM

Actually, we think Bob the Builder is masterly compared to say "Laughing Gnome" by David Bowie and one awful summer (1976) the only song I could get on the radio was "I pull my blue jeans on" by David Dundas.

But, then as it was recorded here in Worthing (I've just been informed) - maybe that's why? Maybe that explains the dearth of any music of any appreciable quality here - any one here with any get up and go, got up and went. Me, I just went an banged my head against a few walls..

In fact, until "LLFLiverpool" - that's music (?) to slit your wrists to!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Firecat
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 06:17 PM

I've oly refreshed this cos I've found another dodgy song! BOB THE BUILDER!!

For anyone who doesn't know who Bob the Builder is, he's a charcter in a pre-school TV programme and is voiced by the actor Neil Morrissey.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:55 AM

Yeah, Korn is pretty raucous. But melodic dance remixes of their songs WITHOUT the band are actually quite listenable.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Merlin
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:51 AM

Want more crap? Try anything by Korn. For those of you fortunate to not have been tortured by this before, you can achieve the effect of a Korn song by throwing a drumset, several electric guitars, a loud dog and a cranky two year old down a flight of stairs while screaming the entire time. They win the bad song award.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:40 PM

Okay...another try...drum roll, please...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:37 PM

Earl and Little Hawk,

On my morning run it suddenly occured to me that I probably needed to re-think my position on Billy Joel. The true deriver extraordinaire may be Paul Simon. It's just a simple case of "The true genius is the one most able to hide his sources" PS's sources are just more (a)broad and esoteric.

John

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:31 PM

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:19 PM

Duh, Steve! The song was not written during the Beatles years. The chorus was written by John Lennon, but he didn't live long enough to bring the song to it's full potential. Paul McCartney wrote the verse lyrics. And I thought it was great and am looking forward to hearing more. Yeah Little Hawk, it is a torture, but anytime I get to play the Devil's Advocate against a load of music bigots, I'm there.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Steve Latimer
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM

That Free as a Bird was awful. Obviouly it was put in the vaults because it couldn't cut it 30 years ago. And now there's a rumour of more "new" Beatles stuff. Yech.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:31 PM

What the...? It won't let me. I keep getting an error message for some reason. Sorry, I tried, but I couldn't kill the beast. I'll try again later.