Limericks, anyone? [5]

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone? [5]
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 09:41 PM

This is such a brilliant thread
This is what my girlfriend just said
I don't have a girl
But gave this a whirl
Gnight all I'm now off to bed.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone? [5]
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 06:43 PM

That's a favorite. The first line, though--doesn't it have a syllable too many? Ah! "lim'rick" saves it.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 01:38 PM

The Limerick is furtive and mean,
You must keep it in close quarantine,
Or it sneaks to the slums,
And promptly becomes,
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 09:21 AM

how COULD it be over ten years
since these limericks tickled our ears?!
what's UP with you guys
and your focus on SIZE?
don't you know it's the 'rock of the boat', dears?

Dani

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST, O.V. Michaelsen (Ove Ofteness)
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:03 PM

My e-mail address:

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,O.V. Michaelsen (Ove Ofteness)
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:01 PM

I'm looking for someone who could make a few of these verses come to life melodically.

http://www.rhymestorming.webs.com/

Happy New Year, everyone!

Ove

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 12:26 AM

Part 2 doesn't seem to be working. Will try again.

Part 2

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:32 PM

Limericks, anyone? Part 2

Limericks, part three

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:18 PM

LOL! Bernard, that is a good one!

I think it's time to launch part III.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Bernard
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 05:17 PM

There was a young man from Gwent
Whose 'thing' was exceedingly bent
To save him some trouble
He put it in double
And, instead of coming, he went...

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,boogerfinger
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 03:28 PM

little jack horner sat in a corner eating a pizza pie, he picked off the pepperoni, blew his friend ronnie and wiped the come up with his tie.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 05:38 PM

Over to you, Roger, to explain this one, I am off to Llanstock for a few days.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 04:00 PM

misspelling of "spawned"?

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 03:48 PM

What is "sponned"???

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:53 PM

There was a young lady of Spain Whose face, sad to say, was too plain, But her buns nice and brown, Were seen in the town, As she passed out fresh bread in the lane.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work.
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 07:02 AM

I have been Sponned!!! you dirty rotten swine you!!!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:58 AM

Sapristi Nurgls, Micca, Damn you, I was just trying to think of that one to post!
RtS (the ass having a senior moment)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:54 AM

Naemanson, was this the same lady
A lady who lived in Madras,
she had a most beautiful ass
not round and pink
as you probably think
it was grey,had long ears and ate grass

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:40 AM

Well, OK, I said that's enough, I'd rather not have to get tough, You've talked of your tools To make the girls drool Now let's talk of the women we love.

There once was a woman in Brest Who had a remarkable chest It was high deep and wide, And not at all easy to hide, But it held all the linens for guests.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 04:52 AM

Young hesperis said in a huff
"I am just speaking for me, off the cuff,
all this talk about dongs
and six foot schlongs
Its time someone shouted Enough!!!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:26 AM

Me.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:57 PM

You know, I never intended this thread to be all about whangers, dongs, and other euphemisms like that. I think Spaw started it. The man has no shame. Now it's out of control. It's like some hideous spawn, mutating as it goes. Sort of like that ancient Steve McQueen movie "The Blob". Oh, my god, I think it's got me...there's no escape!

Spaw had such a hell of a whanger
It inspired much envious anger
Among studs everywhere
They would grumble and swear
As he whipped out another wallbanger

Who will end the horror???

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 10:21 PM

Is that, John (hardly)...or John HARDly?

A girl's gotta know these things.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:23 PM

Havin' felt the pain of the winch,
for me it's a lead-pipe cinch,
Th' devil's deal made,
Yes, gladly I'd trade
One ball for one extra inch.

John oh so Hardly

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:18 PM

Ah! hesp. that's the perfect response that every Limerick is supposed to invoke.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:15 PM

GROAN!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM

A six foot wood isn't a winner
'cos no girl would let it go in 'er
So with strings from a fiddle
and a bend in the middle
Spaw makes it a courting dulcIMMer

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:48 AM

Of schlongs long I've been readin'
Green envy the monitor's seepin'
But everyone knows, it's all just for show
The truth's in the how you are wieldin'!

For a lady may say she likes long ones
She may swoon as it drops like a ton
But if it doesn't fit in, neither will win
And all you will see are her buns!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:19 AM

In the Mudcat you never will hear
Of a person as precious or dear
As the one who makes puns
And writes lim'rics for fun
Or blows methane clouds out of his rear

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Chump Change
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:12 PM

There once was a track-coach named "Wertz" Making love's like the mile he asserts Through the course of the race one may vary the pace but in the end, however, one spurts

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:44 PM

Screw the books Tony.....I think you have a future in your past.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: TonyK
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:13 PM

I'm supposed to be studying for school and look what I'm doing. Anyway, my ancestors are said to have come originally from Limerick so I thought I'd give a try and see if the collective unconscious comes through. And by the way, there have been some very good limericks here today.

A woman I know, a Hong Konger
Said she had never been wronger
For when she spied 'Spaw
Her jaw dropped in awe
Of a Folk-songer donger that's longer

Back to the books.
TonyK

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:10 PM

One gal --if it wasn't Liz it
was Sue-- on an overnight visit
made me feel small
in my all-and-all
When she pointed and said, "hey! where is it?"

A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: John Hardly
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:05 PM

I asked my dear wife not to laugh
as she pointed at my lower half
"It hurts me dear,
that in my mid-years
I resemble a thread, not a staff.

John Hardly--(middle-aged only if I live to my 90s)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:41 PM

A word, my friend, just between us
'Bout the obsession with size of the penis:
Me and my mates
Do not like our dates
To start laughing the moment they've seen us!

A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:36 PM

Fergie - I know of quite a few politicians who are pricks.................. not a one o' them had those qualifications, though............ must be the biggest prick in town? (At least!)

Moonjen - hard to stop once you start, eh?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:51 PM

Of Hawk's size I haven't a clue
Or if I did I wouldn't tell you
But an ex-girlfriend told me
"Spaw's 'thing' is just tiny."
And I really do think she told true

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:48 PM

Lonesome EJ,the infamous honkey
Sometimes had the brain of a donkey
While he was fishin
For the latest submission
He laid his thumb down on the wrong key

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:38 PM

Aw come on, Lonesome EJ, don't be such a tease!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:25 PM

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:00 AM

"A pea, and Hawk's brain, and his prickle,"
said Spaw, "are quite famously mickle"
Yet despite flaws like these,
Hawk seems able to please,
For though little, he knows where to tickle!


Well, now that I've insulted both of them, I'm going to switch off my computer for a week, so they cannot get back at me! The perfect plan. HEEHEE

AAARGH NO! that means no Mudcat for a week!.........
Hey, you guys, I was just kidding aroud....HONEST
There's no need to get rough!...I won't do it again I promise!
(Well not till I can think of the rhymes anyway)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:59 AM

Freud, in his wisdom, would tell us of
Girls' envy of the penis our fellas have
But I don't agree -
Any woman can see
That it's hardly a thing to be jealous of!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 05:40 AM

'Spaw thought he'd a muckle long prickle
Though in truth,'twas a darn sight more mickle
One lady though sued,
For the pain that ensued,
She'd been served it, as McDonalds pickle!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:20 AM

Leej Rides again!

A

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:09 AM

Lonesome EJ - 2 Spaw - 1

ROTFL!!!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:15 AM

All these guys with the six-foot long peters
Like to flaunt them in front of their readers
But I think that the fools
Have got the wrong rules
And have feet mixed up with millimeters

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:11 AM

I am deeply offended at the general thrust this thread has taken. Indeed, I am appalled!

There I was, innocently launching a thread about limericks, expecting to get limericks about sensitive, meaningful, and relevant subjects....like horse racing, caligraphy, stamp collecting, and solipsism....and what do I get? Endless drivel about Spaw's oversized pecker!!!

It's an outrage.

I hope you are all suitably ashamed of yourselves.

I am going to get this limerick thread back on a tasteful basis right now.

Ahem...

There once was a fellow named Bill
Who ate an atomical pill
His navel corroded
His rectum exploded
They found his left nut in Brazil

There. That's much better.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Elise
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 11:24 PM

For blue whales Spaw's pecker's too short At six feet, they would merely snort For when they play ball it creates quite a squall It takes eight feet for that sport!

The reason I know of this fact Is a marine biology professor who was cracked His question on a test Left us quite impressed With bizarre information my head is packed.

A jar on his desk entitled "elephant sperm" Made his students all giggle and squirm Albumin and tadpoles within Not designed for an elephant quim Made for an interesting term

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 09:32 PM

(BTW - Thanks Hesperis!)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Fergie
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:41 PM

There once was a politician names Dick
who sported the worlds largest prick
He went up for election
On the size of his erection
What other politician would you pick?

replies welcome