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BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
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Subject: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 01:48 PM To: The Governing Bodies of the United Kingdom Subject: A Response to the Notice of Revocation Your notice came as quite a shock to the vast majority of us who did not realize that the United Kingdom was still in existence. The complete lack of any usable culture, products, services, entertainment, or medical advancement coming from Britain was at fault, and we apologize. After a tiresome day spent tracking our enormous wealth and power, it was a bizarre notice indeed. Your "suggestion" has been considered and I am very sorry to say, denied. As a concession, however, it was universally agreed that you may have Utah. Our reasoning is outlined below. 1) While we have been unable to decide who will lead our country for a few weeks, it seems that the UK has been in that state for many years. It was unclear to us why we would need two leaders permanently in the forms of the Prime Minister and the Queen. Also, we had a problem with Tony Blair personally, as he is so overtly stupid. 2) A bit of research indicated that you are having difficulty keeping your fuel prices below £17 per ounce and your taxes below 95% (What is this "VAT" anyway?), while still maintaining an expensive monarchy. This type of fiscal prudence would not mix well with our aforementioned enormous wealth and power. 3) Reverting to the English style of speaking would simply be too inefficient. In fact, we are considering teaching an entirely new language to our youth comprised entirely of grunts and hand gestures. Communication is quicker, more efficient, and allows us to continue to lead the planet in accumulating power and wealth. Plus, we don't sound like pompous asses. 4) We accept provision 7, the bombing of Quebec and France, as long as you'll sweep up. 5) Hollywood actually attempted to cast British actors in heroic roles in the late 80's, but gave up when they could find none that were more masculine then Liberace. 6) In reviewing your form of football it became clear that soccer is not a sport, but rather a simple form of cardiovascular exercise. Additionally, when the "games" are completed, the tradition of trying to kill as many opposing fans as possible was deemed unacceptable. On the rare occasion that one of the 300 league teams involved actually scores a goal, the closing of banks and government offices in order to allow more time to discuss the goal was also considered somewhat inefficient. American football will continue to be played with vigor. The reason for the padding, by the way, is the ability of our athletes to run fast, jump high, and hit hard. You don't need padding for a girly slap fight. In closing, may we just say we were flattered by your overtures, but simply do not see a merger being possible at this time. Perhaps with a little hard work, you can pull yourselves up by your bootstraps, and someday be considered to be in the same league as, say, Micronesia. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: SINSULL Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:10 PM Mousethief, That is just plain rude. The reason we are not accepting the revocation of independence offer is that the majority of Americans are disgusted with "politics as usual" and are planning a new Revolution. Long Live King Clinton! SIGH! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:17 PM I did get sent a response to the 'Revocation' that was a good deal more sensible and less rude: > > A comeback to the "Notice of Revocation of Independence" e-mail. > > (Oo-er...) > > > > > Reintegration: The US Responds > > > > > > To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we welcome > > > your > > > concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see > > a > > > real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused > > > by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never > > > sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! However, we regretfully have > > to > > > decline your offer > > > for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try > > > to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have > > > forgotten > > > that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we > > have > > > decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic > > > republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a > > > "backwards step" by the majority of the world. To help you rise from > > your > > > current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful > > > suggestions that we hope you adopt: > > > > > > 1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't > > > always > > > correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" > > > example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" > > > note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved > > > into > > > "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 > > the > > > United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and > > > pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum > > > industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually > > > producing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:20 PM Sensible isn't funny though. Alex |
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Subject: Ha! From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:22 PM King Clinton eh? I kinda like the sound of that... Huh? Oh THAT Clinton?!?! dang... ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Gary T Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:22 PM It may be rude, but I love it! Good post, mousethief. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Naemanson Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:29 PM Did you write that? Can I copy and forward it outside of Mudcat? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:31 PM AHH argh. Let's try that again. I got interrupted. A comeback to the "Notice of Revocation of Independence" e-mail. Reintegration: The US Responds To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world. To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt: 1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor. 2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. 3. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front. 4. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys. 5. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident. 6. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook. 7. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies. 8. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies". Thank you for you time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas. ____________ Okay, so it's not entirely polite. And I don't agree with all of it. But after receiving the 'revocation' five times in one day from different directions, I found this pretty funny. I should point out that while I can distinguish English and Australian accents, I often can't manage Canadian / American, unless they say aboot. Also that while there are lots of fabulous restaurants in Scotland, i have yet to find decent Chinese food. -Wavestar |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:32 PM I did not write it, alas. I don't know who did; I got it from a friend but it was unsigned. I'd say go ahead and use it. It's no less rude than the post it's referring to, methinks. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:33 PM AHH argh. Let's try that again. I got interrupted. A comeback to the "Notice of Revocation of Independence" e-mail. Reintegration: The US Responds To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world. To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt: 1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor. 2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. 3. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front. 4. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys. 5. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident. 6. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook. 7. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies. 8. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies". Thank you for you time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas. ____________ Okay, so it's not entirely polite. And I don't agree with all of it. But after receiving the 'revocation' five times in one day from different directions, I found this pretty funny. I should point out that while I can distinguish English and Australian accents, I often can't manage Canadian / American, unless they say aboot. Also that while there are lots of fabulous restaurants in Scotland, i have yet to find decent Chinese food. -Wavestar |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:35 PM Right. I give up. -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: sledge Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:36 PM Wavestar, How often did you plan to post your elegant response, maybe you could appeal to the Courts in Florida for a recount. :) Meant in jest, Honest. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Bernard Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:41 PM Difference between America and Blue Cheese? Blue Cheese has developed a culture... ;-> Good job we can keep a sense of humour despite the silliness of the politicians! Don't you just hate a poor loser?!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Bernard Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:44 PM Oh! Whilst I'm here...
I heard that Gore and Bush were trying to avoid being elected this year, because every US president elected in a year ending in zero was either assassinated, or died in office... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:48 PM Yeah, we got no culture. That's why everybody else watches our movies and tv shows, and listens to our rock stars. Hmmm. Now that you mention it, ..... Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:58 PM Oh, I can tell a Canadian accent a hundred paces off, even without them saying "house" or "sorry" or "about". BTW I listen to British rock almost exclusively. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Burke Date: 28 Nov 00 - 04:03 PM Reagan was elected in 1980. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 04:17 PM Sledge- First time, I hadn't finished posting and hit the button, and the second time I hit the button, and it didn't seem to go through, although apparently it did. Rah. What can I say. I don't want to talk about it. Matt- can you really? I can't tell my Canadian friends from American friends a good deal of the time - okay, they are from Ottowa, and reasonably far south... It just sounds like basic northern North American to me, unless either American or Canadian has a particularly regional accent. Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, I didn't write that, it was sent to me. There was a postscript, as well, but I took it off as an anti-inflammatory move. -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: GUEST,Sarah Date: 28 Nov 00 - 04:44 PM Well, there I was, sharing the Brit Bit of revocation on the other thread and these lovely rejection replies were over here! Thanks for the permission to pass on yours, mousethief -- I must copy and e-mail immediately to my friend in the UK. (The other one was good, too...) Sarah |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Ebbie Date: 28 Nov 00 - 04:54 PM Funny stuff. Bernard, I just checked the Presidential line-up and it's not quite as simple as that. For instance, Thomas Jefferson was elected in 1800- did not die in office. However, since Abraham Lincoln, first elected 1860, assassinated in 1865, almost every President until Ronald Reagan has. James Garfield, elected 1880, did, assassinated; William McKinley, elected 1896, in office until 1901, did, assassinated; Theodore Roosevelt, elected in 1900, did not die in office; Warren Harding, elected in 1920, died in office from illness; Franklin Roosevelt, reelected in 1940, died in office from illness; John Kennedy, elected 1960, died in office, assassinated; Reagan, elected in 1980, did not die in office. Go figure. Anyone for numeralogy? Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: MMario Date: 28 Nov 00 - 05:07 PM for those last eight, notice it's died, died, died, survived; died, died, died, survived? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Rick Fielding Date: 28 Nov 00 - 05:09 PM Re: Reagan. So the other assasins had better aim! However the poor man DID lose his marbles while in office. But here's some food for thought.... If some BI-PARTISAN whacko acts quickly, he (sorry, he/she) can wipe 'em BOTH out. Believe me they'll have more peace than awaits them in Congress. Rick (I AM Joking...I think) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 05:13 PM wow, talk about thread creep. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Gary T Date: 28 Nov 00 - 05:49 PM Now, Rick, let's not be giving Nader any ideas, please. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Harold W Date: 28 Nov 00 - 06:03 PM Ebbie: You forgot someone. William Henry Harrison was elected in 1840, and died from pnemonia (sp?) one month after he took the oath of office. Another triviality along the same vein. Zachary Taylor, hero of the Mexican-American war died in office in 1850 from consuming cherries and ice milk. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Matt_R Date: 28 Nov 00 - 06:10 PM Interesting fact--Harrison caught pneumonia when he stood in the rain at his Inauguration and refused to wear a hat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 06:19 PM Killed by fashion. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 28 Nov 00 - 06:19 PM "...when you apologize for "Teletubbies"."
Talk like that could start another Cold War. And the Russians love 'em, so it'd be quite like old times.
But I suspect whoever wrote that bit was just a miserable old git. Probably an expatriate Englishman. They're the worst kind.
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 00 - 06:21 PM Or somebody with taste, McGrath. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Manitas Date: 28 Nov 00 - 07:01 PM Oooh! Just a few comments on the rejection notices. >It was unclear to us why we would need two leaders >permanently in the forms of the Prime Minister and the >Queen. Also, we had a problem with Tony Blair >personally, as he is so overtly stupid. > The Queen is the Head of State and not our 'leader'. She actually comes a lot cheaper then a President would and we don't have to reelect her avery 4 years. We'll agree about TB if you throw in hypocriticals and non-U. >we don't sound like pompous asses. But you're learning fast. >5) Hollywood actually attempted to cast British actors >in heroic roles in the late 80's, but gave up when they >could find none that were more masculine then Liberace. Not even Glenda Jackson? >Additionally, when the "games" are completed, the >tradition of trying to kill as many opposing fans as >possible was deemed unacceptable. I think you're confusing the sport with the pre-match entertainment. >You don't need padding for a girly slap fight. You don't need padding if you're quick enough to avoid your opponents and are used to regular beatings with canes and wet towels. And... >3. If you want English actors as good guys, then make > >your own movies. We would if you'd send some of the buggers back. Especially Catherine Zeta-Jones. Is she really going out with him? >4. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that >changes whenever your monarch dies. I think we can cope with one word every 30 or so years. Can't you? > Let's not forget that your national anthem has an >extremely boring tune. But at least our pop stars would be able to sing the tune at football matches if we did that sort of thing. >We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. We'd love to but it's a bit to patriotic for our tastes. I think a lot of us would prefer "Jerusalem". > Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy >beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. A nation that brews beer from rice has no business complaining about the temperature its served at. >Thank you for you time. You can now return to watching >bad Australian soap operas. As soon as we can forget about "Quincy", "Petrocelli" (did he ever finish that wall?) and "Colombo". Long may our Special (mis)Understanding continue. I meant it about Catherine Zeta-Jones!
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 07:31 PM Hey Manitas - *grin* Good responses. Catherine Zeta-Jones... well, it's up to her, but I'm sure we're willing to share. sadly, she's not going out with him, she's married to him. What was she thinking? I'm afraid that as bad as American soaps are and have been, British and Australian ones are worse. Come on, Home and Away? It does seem to me that Sean Connery, Roger Moore, and Peirce Brosnan, just to name a few, have made excellent good guys for quite a while, and I'm certain at least two of them are British. Roger Moore has to be, even if he isn't as good. I'm sure there are others who haven't even played James Bond. Anthony Hopkins, for goodness' sake - one of the foremen and best actors in Hollywood. I could go on. All of these, to my taste, are sufficiently 'manly' (except maybe Roger Moore). What is this thing the British have against being patriotic, though? -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 28 Nov 00 - 07:32 PM And you still have Judi Dench, don't you? She's fabulous. -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Ebbie Date: 28 Nov 00 - 07:50 PM Rick:"Bipartisan", yet. LOL. Harold W, I did indeed miss that poor man. Somehow I had always thought the thing began with Lincoln. As for T. Roosevelt surviving his election, it appears that only death per year is allowed and 1900 was already taken. I dunno. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Troll Date: 28 Nov 00 - 08:11 PM Roosevelt did survive an assasination attempt-albeit after his term in office- and Regan survived an attempt also. I feel that the British have absolutely NO grounds for being critical of our form of government. They had a perfectly good, workable, monarchy and took power away from the King and gave it to the commoners! Well I mean, REALLY! Frankly, politics has not been worth the bother since. What we all need is the restoration of a good, sensible aristocracy to sort things out and keep things running correctly. There's altogether too much laxity and slackness these days. A good start would be a return to flogging. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Steve Parkes Date: 29 Nov 00 - 06:57 AM It's a pity Spencer Percival never started a trend. Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Steve Parkes Date: 29 Nov 00 - 08:11 AM And another thing! We don't make Salt'n'Vinegar "chips", we make Salt'n'Vinegar crisps. Chips are those things you call "fries"; only French fries are actually very thin chips, and contain far more fat, which is why we don't like them. And it's Britannia -- one "T" and two "N"s. That's two things, isn't it? Actually, you've got a point about the Teletubbies, so I suppose that evens it up. Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Long Firm Freddie (at work) Date: 29 Nov 00 - 08:21 AM I love this stuff!
On a dull, somewhat pedantic note, (B flat, possibly), Wavestar's post includes a bit about the UK coming nowhere in the soccer at the Olympics.
It's not surprising, really. We didn't enter!
The reason is that if we entered a UK team in the Olympics, we'd have to have a UK team in the other international competitions.
Didn't someone actually shoot that nice Mr Reagan? At least they made an effort to keep up the sequence... LFF |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Troll Date: 29 Nov 00 - 08:28 AM Go to www.boortz.com Theres An article from The Onion about "President-for-life Clinton et.al. Or go the The Onion. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: SINSULL Date: 29 Nov 00 - 08:33 AM John Cleese in purple jockies (A Fish Called Wanda) makes up for it all. Then again there was Carnaby Street and those Austin Powers fashions. I'm still holding out for King Clinton. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 29 Nov 00 - 12:26 PM Actually, Manitas, I'm confused. IN response to: Additionally, when the "games" are completed, the >tradition of trying to kill as many opposing fans as >possible was deemed unacceptable. You say: I think you're confusing the sport with the pre-match entertainment. You have your pre-match entertainment when the games are completed? And you claim to speak English and we don't? In response to: If you want English actors as good guys, then make > >your own movies. You say: We would if you'd send some of the buggers back. If you can't lure them back, we aren't going to force them to leave. If you can't make your country attractive enough to keep actors, don't blame us if they move here.
grins, |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Peter T. Date: 29 Nov 00 - 01:20 PM Yeah, what is with this Catherine Zeta-Jones thing? I suppose anyone named Zeta (is that from Teletubbies, or have I missed something?) has complications. Is this because the Alpha and Beta versions did not work? I must admit that by the time they got to Zeta they had almost all the bugs worked out, except taste. Michael Douglas? Zero charisma. He almost personally wrecked Basic Instinct. Bring on the ice pick!!! yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Manitas Date: 29 Nov 00 - 06:44 PM Mousethief, You still miss the point. The soccer is the pre-match entertainment...and need I go any further? >You have your pre-match entertainment when the games are >completed? And you claim to speak English and we don't? Trouble is...with English (at least in the UK versions)a lot is left unsaid but is implied. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 29 Nov 00 - 06:52 PM To continue my point about British actors and good guys: Gary Oldman. Tim Roth. Guy Pearce. Richard E. Grant. Kenneth Branagh. I think the point is made. Sadly, Hollywood is so much more attractive for actors, despite it's slimyness, because there's always work somewhere. Can somewhere else please develop a large scale cinematic scene? Besides India, nice tries but the plots make NO sense. -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 29 Nov 00 - 07:32 PM Bernard said, "Don't you just hate a poor loser?" I hate a bully who says, "I'm ahead in the game now, so the game is over. I Win!" Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 29 Nov 00 - 08:21 PM *laugh*, Dave. I sure hope the game isn't over, I'm just a little player but having fun! -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Steve Parkes Date: 30 Nov 00 - 03:20 AM Of course, the real man's game is rugby. It's like American football ... well, it isn't, except that you can use your hands; you also use something called skill. You can be just as athletic -- running, jumping, knocking people down and jumping on them -- as in the other sort, but because rugby players are tough and not afraid of a few knocks, your only concession to the rough stuff is shin pads and a jock strap. Oh, and if you're a forward, it's all right to wear a headband to stop your ears getting twisted in the scrum. I played rugger at school for many years, and it never did me any harm! Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 30 Nov 00 - 06:42 AM There really is skill involved in American football. People don't just leap into the air and catch a ball one handed from behind them without looking by accident. It's pretty impressive. It is also, however, boring. And I have yet to figure out why so many more American football players suffer utterly debilitating and career ending injuries than rigby players, if they wear more padding... Does that make sense to anyone else? -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Steve Parkes Date: 30 Nov 00 - 06:46 AM Maybe it's the other guy's armour? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Liz the Squeak Date: 30 Nov 00 - 07:27 AM Er, does anyone else find Manitas' fixation with that skinny bint Catherine Zit Jones-Douglas thing just a bit disturbing?? I thought he prefered that red haired dancer from Lord of the Dance.... Mrs Manitas.
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Liz the Squeak Date: 30 Nov 00 - 07:30 AM Oh, and Sean Connery lives in Spain, I know my geography is a bit scatty, but isn't that nearer us than you?? And was there ever a final episode of a) Little House on the Prairie, b) the Waltons, c) Diagnosis Murder (should have been the first....) d) Happy Days, e) The Wonder Years ?? Swap you Madonna back for Martha's Vineyard.....? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Troll Date: 30 Nov 00 - 07:35 AM You got her, you keep her. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Steve Parkes Date: 30 Nov 00 - 08:06 AM I have to say, in defence of Ms Zeta Jones-Douglas ("Zeta" was her grannie's name -- she pinched to make her own name more memorable), that as skinny birds go, she's not bad. I mean, Liz is more the sort of size & shape that I would normally go for (Mrs P permitting), but I do allow exceptions occasionally. Marilyn Monroe was size 16, did you know? Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Troll Date: 30 Nov 00 - 08:09 AM Yeah. Zoftig. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 30 Nov 00 - 09:30 AM Sean connery may live in Spain, LTS, but he's certainly British in origin. Pops up here in St Andrews periodically, but then so do Michael Douglas and the Zeta chick :) Kidlet, too. Remind me again why we'd want Madonna back, and give up a beautiful piece of land, even if it is populated with Kennedys? -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Grab Date: 30 Nov 00 - 10:42 AM Alex, nice one! :-) But... Also, we had a problem with Tony Blair personally, as he is so overtly stupid. Excuse me, isn't the US the country that brought us JFK (corrupt and shagged anything in a skirt), Nixon (corrupt but a non-shagger), Reagan (paranoid right-wing dummy) and Clinton (corrupt and a shagger again), plus the recent Tweedledum and Tweedledee show? As far as stupid leaders go then, "Oi kettle, you're black!" Tax-wise, our fuel prices deter unnecessary use of cars. This means that we don't get out our 7-litre SUV to drive ourselves 20 yards down the road to the shops. This has the knock-on effect that most British ppl are in pretty good shape physically, unlike American where a clear _majority_ are overweight. "Who ate all the pies..." Wavestar, a suggestion - rugby players have to be able to run around, even the forwards, and they have to be able to keep this up for 80 minutes continuously. American football players have to be able to keep going for 10 seconds max. Does this suggest anything about required fitness levels? Grab. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 10:47 AM Manitas: Ohhhhh. NOW I get it! Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:13 AM Matt R - Whaddya mean? How can a guy who loves virtually every song ever recorded since 1910 listen "to British rock almost exclusively"??? Not bloody likely. BTW, how's the Dylan catalog going? Listened to "John Wesley Harding yet? Thread creep, eh? Mousethief - A marvellous and timely response to the absurd notion of British recolonization of the USA. Well done. A much more supportable notion is the Canadian takeover of the USA, which is well under way even as I speak. Our undercover operatives (like William Shatner and Jim Carrey) have already hopelessly befuddled and compromised America's whole sense of itself, and we will soon have you all singing "The Maple Leaf Forever", and drinking Canadian beer, while attending spin-the-bottle parties till at least 11 pm (!!!), and consuming vast amounts of maple syrup and back bacon. Beauty, eh? Our objective, aside from providing you all with FREE HEALTH CARE and Resdan, is to sieze some of that vast wealth and power which is so wasted on you guys who don't really know how to enjoy it properly. I mean, you have elections that last 2 and a half years! That's not what I call knowing how to enjoy oneself. It's also a bloody waste of time and money, with a very dubious outcome...specially this last time. But I digress... We're not greedy. We only want 10% of your vast wealth and power. We're gonna give the rest of it to the 3rd World peoples, and raise them up to a decent level of relative equality with the developed world. Your flags will be used to make pajama tops and bottoms, until existing stocks are used up. The "Spar-Fwangled Banner" will be turned into a fast food jingle. Like I said, beauty, eh? :-D - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:16 AM Actually I think "The Star Spangled Banner" makes a very nice baseball game overture, thank you very much. Especially since the last 2 words are "Play Ball!" What's Resdan? Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Wavestar Date: 30 Nov 00 - 12:04 PM Sadly, Grab, I don't think British people are any healthier than Americans, and I DO live here. I think it has to do with eating chips and everything fried, constantly. Not that I object to all the pastry, I love it, but it's not good for you. On average, there are healthier people at home in Vermont than here in St Andrews. And you really ought to do something to improve the overall dental hygiene of the country. Football - I don't follow, I wouldn't really know. But I firmly stand behind this when I say I would have no preference, between football players and rugby players, as to whom I'd rather not have angry with me in a dark alley. To be honest, I think they are likely in equally good shape, it's just that rugby players don't mind havng their ears torn off. And, I think, from what I've seen, American football players are bigger. Not fat, mind you, just plain huge men. African American athletes tend to be... -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Liz the Squeak Date: 30 Nov 00 - 06:04 PM I mean, Liz is more the sort of size & shape that I would normally go for (Mrs P permitting), but I do allow exceptions occasionally. Marilyn Monroe was size 16, did you know? Steve - who is Mrs P? What has she to do with permission?? And yes I did know that Marilyn was a 16, it's amazing what spiral stitching can do for a bustline, even moreso than the wonderbra.... When ever and where ever sunshine, just give me the word..... LTS *BG* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Nov 00 - 08:08 PM Resdan (I may have mispelled it...it might be Rezdan) is an anti-dandruff medication that is ONLY AVAILABLE IN CANADA! Rather like Red Rose Tea, and televised coverage of the House of Commons in session. These are all products so exciting in their basic nature, and so absolutely vital to the "pursuit of happiness", that your future as happy and fulfilled Americans obviously is in major peril without them. Therefore I suggest that you yield to the inevitable Canadian takeover with rejoicing, not resistance. Resistance is futile anyway. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:20 PM Then what's in those boxes in the supermarket that SAY that they're Red Rose Tea? Is this an insidious plot to make us THINK we're drinking Red Rose Tea when in fact it's Red Camelia Tea or Crimson Rose Tea or some other substitute? Or are you merely saying that what comes in the "Red Rose Tea" box down here doesn't compare in quality/fragrance/taste/whatever with your Red Rose Tea up there? Or did you just screw up? Whichever it is, I don't want to be taken over by people who make that mistake.
Grins, |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Troll Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:35 PM Little Hawk, is that why we get all these Canadian "tourists" down here every winter? Just part of the takeover plot, right? So why do they cry when it's time to go back to the Great Frozen North (Canada for those of you who have never been there)!? troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Steve Parkes Date: 01 Dec 00 - 03:14 AM Liz, I fear you may have been a little confused by all those years of listening to the Archers: I', not talking about Mrs Perkins, Peggy's late mother and the cause of Walter Gabriel's enormous throughput of Kleenex! My Good Lady Wife, Sue Parkes, She Who Must Be Obeyed, is the one to whom I refer. Talk about thread creep! Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Liz the Squeak Date: 01 Dec 00 - 09:29 AM Ah, this is a thread so you must creep. I don't listen to the Archers, ever since they killed off whatshername, Doris or Gladys.... Mrs P can come too if she likes beer..... what, you thought I meant something else? Have you been talking to Gervase??!! LTS *EBG* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Dec 00 - 12:17 PM Mousethief - I realize that what certainly appears to be Red Rose Tea is also sold all over the place in the USA...but that doesn't change the fact that for years and years there were these TV ads in Canada showing distraught citizens of the United Kingdom wringing their hands over the fact that Red Rose Tea is "only available in Canada". "They say it's better than our British tea!", one upper class twit would exclaim in shocked tones, as another similar twit cautiously tasted a cup of the divine elixir. The 2nd twit would then muse "...only available in Canada, you say? Pity!" Now I ask you, Mousethief, would the Canadian advertising industry lie????? :-) And Troll - the reason those Canadian "tourists" cry is twofold...1. the winter can be bloody awful up here, which is why we intend to occupy the southern USA as soon as possible and resettle it with cold-intolerant hosers. and 2. They're lulling you into a false sense of security. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence From: Troll Date: 01 Dec 00 - 12:57 PM C'mon down! And bring money. As soon as the Canadian dollar recovers a bit, that is. *BG* |