Rugby Football Songs

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:40 AM

"Sexual Life of the Camel"

(variation) THE POOFTER VERSES

JOE'S link .... to a now-dead-thread on AOL ..... is an excellent example....of why lyrics SHOULD be posted to the Mudcat treads (with correct notation and credits) http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=24760#539476

These following verses were purloined from the "Lagos Away Team Pamphlet" in a dark urine-strentched ally of Cardiff, Wales around midnight, in the shadow of Mellenium Stadium, July 2004.

It was an interesting bawdy allustion to several sanguine ballads of the past.

My name is Cecil,
I come from Leicester Square,
I wear open toed sandals,
And a rose bud in my hair.
For we're all queers together
Excuse us while we go upstairs,
Yes, we're all queers together,
That's why we go around in pairs.

I went for a ride on a chuff-chuff
It was crowded so I had to stand,
A little boy offered me his seat,
I went for it with my hand.
For we're all queers together
Excuse us while we go upstairs,
Yes, we're all queers together,
That's why we go round in paris.

It was Christmas Eve in the harem
The eunuchs all standing there,
A hundred dusky maidens,
Combing their public hair.
When along came Father Christmass,
Striding down through the marble halls,
When he asked what they wanted for Christmas
The eunuchs all answered, "Balls!"

(to Mr Bangelstein)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 01:00 AM

This is usually a Septment/October job...but an injury has sent me home early.

I have searched the DT and Forum...and find no versions of these lyrics.

Consider them "fresh meat for the gods."

Another LAGOS Nigeria song is:

The Rajah From Astrakhan

There was a Rajoh from Astrakhan,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho!
A most licentious lout of a man,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho!
O wives he had a hundred and nine
Exluding his favourite concubine.
Yo, Ho, you buggers
Yo Ho, you buggers,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho!

On night he awoke with a hell of a stand,
He called to warrior, on of this band
"Go down to by harem, you lazy swine
And fetch my favourite concubine
CHORUS

The warrior fetched the concubine
A figure like Venus, a face devine
The Rajah gave and almighty grunt
And parked his p*** inside her c***
CHORUS

The Rajah bellowed lound and long
The maiden's cries were short but strong.
And just when the ride had come to a head
They both fell through the rickety bed.
CHORUS

They hit the ground with one hell of a dunt
Which completely buggered the poor girl's c***.
And as for the Rajah's magnificent c***
It never recovered from the shock.
CHORUS

There is a moral to this tale,
There is a moral to this tale
If you would screw a girl at all,
Plwease stick her up against the wall.
CHORUS

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 05:40 AM

BRIAN BARU

A second variation of of the one found in this thread:

http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=5755

I was up to my waist in the turf-mould
At the peat contract down in the bog,
When my spade hit something quite solid,
Like a stick, or a stone, or a log.

'Twas a chest of the finest bog oak, sir,
And I wondered at what it might hide,
So I chanced my luck with the fairies,
And I took just a wee peep inside.

I doubt that you'll never believe me,
For I know it could hardly be true
'Twas and ancient ol Irish French letter,
A relic of Brian Baru.

Yes, an ancienct old Irish French letter,
Made of elk hide, and just one foot tall
With a wee golden tag on the end sir,
With his name and his stud fee and all.

I cast my mind back through the ages,
To the days of that hairy old Celt.
And Granwaillie there in the bed lay
With Brian Baru in his pelt.

I heard remark sternly,
Just listen, now let's get this right.
Just as sure as you had you're way last night,
It's the hairy side outside tonight.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:25 AM

Ding Dong

On a Sunday afternoon
As the church was turning out
The vicar to the curate said:
"I bet I've been through more of these
Women than you."
And the curates said, "You're on."
"We'll stand by the gates as the women pass by
And this shall be our sign.
You say Ding Ding for the women you had
I'll say Ding dong for mine."

Now there were Ding Dings and there
we Ding Dongs.
There were more Ding Dings than there were Ding Dongs
Till at last a woman went bty and the curate said "Ding Dong."

"Just a minute," said the vicar, "there's a mistake here.
That is my wife I do declare."
"I don't give a bugger, I've still been there
Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong."

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:42 AM

THE CLAP

Once upon a time I was a hasher,
Used to drink a Guider beer or two,
Remember how I laughed away the hours,
Dreaming of the harriets I would screw.
Every Monday evening I'd go out hashing,
Sometimes I'd shortcut along the way
But I'd always otay late at the ON - ON"
Where often you would hear A hasher say ....

(Chorus):

I've got the clap again,
I really should refrain
From KoKo's bar and screwin' local whores
I've got the pills to use,
I must lay off the booze
I've got the clap - oh yes, I've got the clap.

One night to the Hash there came a beauty,
A thing that's quite unusual to do.
But something made me think this girl was different;
It must have been the tatoos on her boobs.
She wore hot plants and a see-through T shirt,
Sipped her beer through rosy choo-choo lips,
All the men began to get excited,
At the sight of this young lady's tits .... (chorus)

Six o'clock Hash Master got his horn out,
Everybody else put their's away
Then I got myself into position,
Where I could see her buttocks sway.
She short-cut and I short-cut beside her,
Wondering if tonight I'd be in luck.
Heard her calling "ON-ON" from the bushes,
And I knew right then that we would f**k .... (chorus)

This girl showed me she really was no novice,
Her repertoire of tricks sure made me sweat.
I came, she came, then we came together,
And our juices flowed till we were wet.
Made our way back finally to the circle,
Watching smiling faces turning green.
Could it be that they were only jealous,
Or could it be they know she wasn't clean? (chorus)

Drove her home that night, she lived in Lagos,
Arranged that this should be a regular thing
But then one week later at the "ON-ON"
I took a piss and felt that tell - tale sting
Now every Saturday evening there's a clinic
That caters for those fellows from the hash,
So that we all can have our frequent check-ups,
And find out what caused that nasty rash. (chorus)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:51 AM

LAGOS IS STRANGE

Oh, give me a home where the nightfighters roam,
And the area boys they hold sway.
Where often is heard a disparaging word
And the beer is all cloudy and grey.

(Chorus):

Oh, Lagos is strange
If you live here too long you're deranged.
Where the NEPA goes down and potholes abound
And Bar Beach is eroding away.

What a wonderful sight to watch everyone shite
With their arses hung over the side,
Of the wall to the creek, where each day of the week,
The bodies float by on the tide.

(Chorus)

Now to get into town or just moving around,
Transport is hard to be found.
Well there's always a queue, 'cause the molues are few
And their motos just keep breaking down.

(Chorus)

Oh, the last Saturday is for clearing away,
But the refuse collection is lax.
Well they haven't no brains when they muck out the drains,
'Cause the rain washes most of it back.

(Chorus)

Mismanagement here, well they like their beer,
And it's true they're occasionally pissed.
Now 'Rule Number One' says no queers on the run
But the 'odd' one or two they get missed.

(Chorus)

In the circle don't chat, 'cause the R. A.'s no prat,
With 'Down - Downs'to keep those mouths'stilled.
And if that don't suffice, he'll sit them on ire,
And their bare bums will also get chilled.

(Chorus)

Now there are those who come
Just to wiggle their bum
In the hope that they'll pick up sore trade
But the guys around here just Down Down their beer
And get too fucking pissed to get laid.

(Chorus)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:23 AM

I guess you could consider this to be the Italian step-sister of the Mexican who married a Nigerian.....you know....the one from Leland Stanford Jr.'s Farm.

GIVE ME THAT GOOD OLD VINO

CHORUS

Si, si signore,

My sister Belinda

She pissed out the window

All over my brand new sombrero.

I like my gin, it helps me get in, But give me the good old vino, I like my vino, It gives me a stand supremo.

CHORUS

I like my Star, it helps me go far But give me the good etc.

I like my brandy, it makes me feel randy,

I like my stout, it helps me get out.

I like my rum, it helps me to come.

I like my coke, it helps me to poke.

I like my beer, it makes me feel queer. N. B. HASH POOF ONLY.

I like my wine. it makes me feel fine (it stiffens the vine)

I like my claret, it stiffens the carrot.

I like my liquor, it makes me come quicker.

I like my Pimms, it helps with the quims.

I like my Aquavit, it makes me feel neat. (it keeps me on beat).

I like my schnapps, it helps cure the clap.

I like my sprite, I can last out all night.

I like my red, it gets me to bed.

I like my tea, it helps me wee‑wee.

I like my Budweiser, but pussy in nicer.

Sincerely,

Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:32 AM

I thought the whole world knew this one ....but find it lacking verses in the DT and Forum

(A personal Nigerian View of Colonialism?)

THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM

A Frenchman went to the lavatory
To enjoy a bloody good shit;
He took his coat and trousers off
So that he could - revel in it !
But when he reached for the paper
He found that someone had been there before,
" Ou est le papier? Ou est le papier!
Mon dieu, moo dieu, mon arseholes en feu.
Ou est le papier?"

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 12:55 AM

The following series of songs were lyrics obtained in July of 2004 at Cardiff Wales, Mellenium Stadium.

Since so many irrelivant (so-called MUSICAL) threads run into ....so many irrelivant stories here is a Rugby-Thread "irrelivant story" and a "rugby joke".....I do not fear a "dillution of the threa" by less than five percent.

There are damn few ... for sure....on this planet secure....that can claim a lineage more direct.

,

During a Wales v England match at the Millenium Stadium a lightening storm hit Caridff and a bolt was conducted through the towers to the touch line. In a tragic accident both coaches - Graham Henry and Clive Wooward - were killed.

Ther were taken straight to heaven where they were warmly greated by the Almighty. Aftrer a while Clive was taken to thi8s new accommodation, stype cottage with statues outside in the form of English rugby greats. As a constant background he could hear the sweet voices of angels singing Jersualem and Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

Clive was delighted until he suddenly heard some even more beautiful singing coming from the top of the hill. He listened closer and could her Bread of Heanven follow by Land of My Fathers. Clive looked up the hill to see a great palace with statues outside of Barry John, Gareth Edwards and JPR Willi8ams. A party was taking place in the garden with Grains SA flowing freely as the corwd watched Scott Gibbs scoring his ty at Wembley against England in 1999.

Clive went to The Lord and said: "Look, I dont't want to appear ungrateful - my cottage is great, but why does Graham get the huge mansion?"

God broke into a laugh as he replied: "Clive your've got it all wrong! That';s not Graham's place - it's mine."

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:20 AM

AS noted by diesel in this thread - Ireland Rugby Song http://www.mudcat.org/Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=1148046

Ireland's Call

Come the day

And come the hour

Come the power and the glory

We have come to answer

Our countries call....

From the four pround providences of Ireland[p]

CHORUS

From the mighty

Glens of Antrim

From the rugged hills of Galway

From the wall of Limerick

And Dublin Bay

Grom the four proud provinces of Ireland

CHORUS

Heart of steel

And heads unbowing

Vowing never to be broken

We will fight, until

We can fight no more...

For the four proud provinces of Ireland.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:30 AM

Your're Welsh!

(Go West!)

You're Welsh, and you know you are.

You're Welsh, and you know you are.

You're Welsh, and you know you are.

You're Welsh, and you know you are....

Etc.

Sincerely,

Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:37 AM

Roll a Silver Dollar

(Roller, roller, roller, roller,.......

You can roll a silver dollar, down along the ground,
And it will, because its round.
I woman doesn't know what a good many she's got
Until she puts him down, (down down down)

Listen, my honey, listen to me,
I want you to understand,
That like a silver dollar goes from hand to hand,
So a woman goes from hand to hand,

Because a man without a woman
I like a ship sithout a sail,
He's like a boat witout a rudder
He's like a fish without a tail,

I say a man without a woman is like a wreck up the shore
But if there's one thing worse in this universe it's a woman,
Oh yes a woman, I said a woman without a man.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:57 AM

All the songs, in this general area, are from a songbook published in 2004 by the Cardiff, Wales Hotelier's Association

Give Me a Clone

(Home, Home on the Range)

Oh, give me a clone,
Of my own flesh and bone,
Yit its Y0chromosome changed to an X.
And when it is grown,
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.

Chorus

Clone, clone of my own,
With your Y-chromosome changed to an X,
And when I'm alone, with my own little clone,
We will both think of nother but sex.

Oh, give be a clone,
Is my sorrowful moan,
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she's and X, of the feminine sex,
Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone.

My heart's not of stone,
As I've frequently shown,
When alone with my own little X.
And after we've dined, I'm sure we will find,
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.

Why should such sex vew,
Or distrub or perplex,
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don't you see, since we're both of us are me,
When we're having sex, I'm alone.

And after I'm done,
She'll have the fun,
For I'll clone myself ere I die.
And this time without fail, they'll be both of them male,
And they'll each ravish her by and by.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:12 PM

Tiger Lily

Oh her name is TigerLily
She's a whore from Piccadilly,
And her mother is another in the Strand,
Her father sells his arse hole
At the Elephant and Castle,
They're the finest f***king family in the land.

She's a big fat cow, twice the size of me,
She's got hairs upon here belly like the branches of a tree
She can read, write, f**k, fight and ride f**king motorbike,
....And that the girl who's gonna marry me.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:35 PM

We'll keep these three kindred songs in the same general piece of the thread.

Mary Ann Burns - Queen of all the Acrobats

Mary Ann Burns is the queen of all the acrobats;
She can do tricks that will give a man the shits.
She can flip a green pea from her fundamental orifice,
Do a double backflip catch it on her tits.
She's a great big son-of-a bitch, twice as big as me,
Hair on her ass like the branches in a tree.
She can swim, fish, fight, fuck,
Fly a plane, drive a truck.
Mary Ann Burns is the girl for me.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:36 PM

WHO IS SYLVIA?

(Tune - Turkey in the Straw)

Who is Sylvia?
What is she?

She's a rag bag, a shag bag, an automatic whore.
She's got a fanny like a big barn door
She can run, skip and jump
Catch a barrel up her cunt.
She's the girl for me.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:42 PM

Rhode Island Red

(a song about chicken, I think?)...

Has anybody seen my cock,
My big Rhode Island Red?
He's mostly pink, with a little bit of blue,
And he's purple on his head (Gor Blimey).
He stands straight up in the morning,
And he gives me wife a shock,
Has anybody seen, anybody seen,
Anybody, anybody seen my cock?

He's a right big-headed little upstart,
The best you've ever seen.
He could have got gonorrhea,
Instead he got gangrene.
He should have worn a condom
But the silly sod forgot,
Has anybody seen, has anybody seen,
Has anybody seen my cock?

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:04 PM

Ahhh...what a wonderful number fell to that previous song....a shame it could not linger-longer but there are more cumming and they must be fulfilled.

NUDE OF HARLECH

(tune: Men of Harlech)

What's the use of wearing panties,
Whalebone corsets of your Auntie's
Boxer short and other scanties -
Best of all is nude.

There's such fin in going bra-less,
Now that it's no longer lawless
"Specially if your figure's flawless -
Best of all is nude.

Nude is what you're born in
Shirts are never torn in
Underwear and lacy flimsies,
Garter belts and other whimsies
Yards of itchy cloth to put your form in
Best of all is nude.

Ducks all do it, maidens rue it,
Ancient Picts in Britain blue it
Going naked's how to do it
Best of all is nude!

If your garters aren't elastic
Tie them up in knots fantastic
(Panty hose is something drastic!)
Best of all is nude!

If you're tire of wearing clotheses,
Shed your garment 'mongst the roses
Never mind the old bluenoses
Best of all is nude!

Nude is best for ducking!
Worst for horses bucking!
Moonlit nights will see such sights
That are very best for fooling round and elbows!
Nudity is grand to see
A well-known antidote to virginity
Take your clothes off and you'll see:
Best of all is nude!

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:24 PM

My Old Man's A Pervert

(MGM)

CHORUS:
My old man's a pervert, he wears a pervert's mac.
He like's to stand in bus queues and w**k down people's backs.

One day while waiting for the bus, a girl said, "Please come quick."
"Wait replied the old man, "I've just got out my prick."

CHORUS

My mum her name is Dawn, she lives an awful life.
That's not really surprising - she is a pervert's wife,
She comes downstairs each morning, looking all pale and worn
'Cos we know dad is always up the crack of dawn.

CHORUS

One night he went a-calling upon the vicar's wife.
He thought that he would give her, the worst fright of her life.
Unbuttoning his lies, his dick showed without warning,
She said, "put it on the mantelshelf - I'll smoke it in the morning."

CHORUS

My old man's a pervert, he wears a pervert's mac.
He like's to stand in bus queues and w**k down people's backs.
If you should see a pervert, w**king off like mad,
Don't kick him in the bollocks - it might be my old dad.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 12:02 AM

We Are The Cheltenham Boys

We are the Cheltenham boys,
We are the Cheltenham boys,
We know our manners, we spend our tanners,
We are respected whereever we may go,
And as we're walking down the Gloucester Road,
Doors and windows open wide.
You can hear the mother's shout
"Put those bloody Woodbines out!"
We are the Cheltenham Boys.

We kan't reed an' we wan't rite,
But that don't reelly maaatuur,
We al come from Chelt-nmam-shur,
"And we can draav a tractur,
Oo-arr, oo-arr, oo-arr, oo-ar, oo-ar.
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 03:57 AM

The male version is in the forum -

This is the woman's version

Masturbation

(TUNE: Funiculi, Funicula)

Last night I laid at home and masturbated,
It did me good, I knew it would.
All night, the bed spings viber-ated
I think it's canny, to rub my fanny.

You should have seen me on the short strokes,
It felt so grand, I used my hang.
You should have seen me on the long strokes,
Around and round, and up and down.

Eased it, teased it, slid along the floor,
Rubbed it scrubbed it tickled it to the core.
Some people say that being fucked is very grand,
But for personal enjoyment, I would rather use my hand.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 04:09 AM

Fragments are found scattered through the "Nice songs made dirty thread"....this is a full version....and some of those other verses would go well also.

These Foolish Things

The tattered remnants of an old French letter,
The dose of sysphilis that won't get better,
And when I piss it stings,
These foolish things, remind me of you.

The dirty panties in the cracked washbasin,
The broken jerry that I washed my face in,
The bed with creaking springs,
These foolish things, remind me of you.

When I awoke upon the moring after,
I saw you tits and pissed myself with laughter,
Oh how the left one swings,
These foolish things, remind me of you.

The birth control book with its well worn pages,
The contraceptive which comes off in stages,
Oh, how by foreskin stings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 01:57 AM

I Need A Sheep

Bring me some whisky mother,
I'm feeling frisky mother,
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!
I need a lover, mother,
No, not my brother, mother,
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Na, na, na, na, na, na etc....

Gerbils don't make it, mother.
They just can't take it, mother.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night.
Owls, bats and other critters just tend to give me jitters,
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Na, na, na, na, na, na etc....

Sheep never talk about it, they never ever doubt it,
Always so placid, affectionate and nice,
Give me that lanolin - better than a flannelin',
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Na, na, na, na, na, na etc....

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 02:16 AM

I really like this one. It seems to have been "making the rounds" only within the last year.

Yankee Sailor

Yankee tell me pretty lady,
Blitish call me f**king whore.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee tap-tap on my window, Blitish break down f**king door.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee take my clothes off slowly,
Blitish rip them to the floor.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee make love on my pillow.
Blitish f*ck me on the floor.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee finish in five minutes,
Blitish take an hour more.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee, he go home on Friday
Blitish stay for ever more.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 05:59 AM

The Alternative Yesterday

Yesterday...
All my herpes seemed so far away,
Now it looks as if it's here to stay.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Syphilis...
How was I to know I'd contract this?
How it hurts each time I take a piss,
Oh I believe in sysphilis.

Why she had to grow, I don't know,
She wouldn't say.
I did somethings wrong with my dong,
Now she won't play....

Leprosy....
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Bits and pieces just fall off of me,
Oh I believe in leprosy.

Gonorrhea...
Spreading from my dick up to my ear,
And my bollocks seem a little queer.
Oh I believe in gonorrhea.

Amputees...
I don't even have to....
(censored....)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 10:33 AM

so! im crude and vulgar??
played rugby for 40 years,and coached junior teams and refereed. didn't stop me looking after a wife dying of cancer for 4.5years.
doesn't stop me doing voluntary charity work. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. prove you are what you pretend to be, by action not words.

when i get time i'll pm the words to the alphabet song.
starts a is for arsehole all covered in shit
       hey ho said roly
       and b is the bastard who revels in it
       with a roly poly up 'em and stuff 'em
       hey ho said anthony roly

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 06:36 AM

wigan! PLEASE post the alphabet song - and when/where you first heard it - these folk need to be taught more than a little manners and respect.

The Alternative DELILAH

I saw the white of her thighs as I pulled down her panties.
I saw the crystaline joice from last night on her pubes.
She was an old bag, distended F**Y and wasted fallopian tubes.

CHORUS
Why, why, why Deliah,
My, my, my, Delilah.
Eighty-four, an ocotgenarian whore,
Forgive me Delilah - I just couldn't take any more.

Chomping away on my tool night and day I was happy.
Gums round my meat she was happy and started to laugh.
(ha, he, ha, ha)
Then she got lockjaw]
I felt my hands round her throat and she sucked no more.

CHORUS
Why, why, why Deliah,
My, my, my, Delilah.
Eighty-four, and ocotgenarian whore,
Forgive me Delilah - I just couldn't take any more.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 03:28 PM

gargoyle,will post it but won't have time for a day or so

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 03:37 PM

just re-read 3.16. i am a christian and new no pagans et al until after my wife died. guess what,all the wiccans druids pagans gave me the best support i could have wished for. it wasn't asked for or sought but was given freely resulting in a lot of new friendships. reminnds me of the parable of the good samaritan!!!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 04:54 AM

There Is A Green Hill

There is a green hill far away,
Without a city wall,
Where our dear Lord was crucified,
He died to save us all.

He died to save us all,
He died to save us all,
For he's a jolly good fellow,
He died to save us all.

He's so nice, He's Devine.
He's the bloke from Palestine,
Has anybody seen JC?

He's so great, He's so cool,
Walks across your swimming pool,
Has anybody seen JC?

He's so nice, He's so fine
Changes water into wind,
Has anybody seen JC?

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 04:45 AM

I Used to Work in Chicago

Additional Verses

(Rhondda Cynon Taf/Swansea FC Version)

Pork blinds she wanted, beef curtains she go

Witch's collar she wanted, wizard's cuff she

Dry panniers she wanted, sogg saddlebags she got

Smile at a hot she wanted, snarl a the buzby she got

M69 she wanted, Northern route she got

Embroyo custard she wanted, baby gravy she got

Savory sea horse she wanted, chocolate starfish she got

Robin she wanted, thrush she got

Black bowler she wanted, purple helmet she got.

Lech Walesa she wanted, prominent Pole she got

Meatphysical conversation she wanted, f**k she got..

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 02:17 AM

What a Wank

(TUNE: William Tell Overture)

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,,gargoyle
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 07:06 AM

Love Me Tender

Love me tender,
Love me sweet;
Wrap your lips around my meat.

Watch me smile and watch me grin.
As my cum rolls, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 06:38 AM

Home For a Rest

Performed by Spirit of the West

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month, I've been drunk since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest...

We arrived in December and London was cold
So we stayed in the bars along Charing Cross Road
We never saw nothin' but brass taps and oak
Kept a shine on the bar with the sleeves of our coats

chorus

Euston Station the train journey north
In the buffet car we lurched back and forth
Past odd crooked dikes, through Yorkshire's green fields
We were flung into dance as the train jigged and reeled

chorus
Take me home...

By the light of the moon she'd drift through the streets
A rare old perfume so seductive and sweetv
She'd tease us and flirt as the pubs all closed down
Then walk us on home and deny us a round

The gas heater's empty, it's damp as a tomb
And the spirits we drank are now ghosts in the room
I'm knackered again, come on sleep take me soon
And don't lift up my head 'til the twelve bells of noon

chorus
Take me home...

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Sep 04 - 01:31 AM

Sailor variation of "Sweet Violets" (aka There once was farmer)

DT midi file = http://www.mudcat.org/midi/midifiles/Sweet%20Violets.mid

There was a young sailor who
Looked through the glass,
He spied a young mermaid with scales on her
Frightfully clean island where sea gulls fly over their nests
As she combed the long hair that hung over her
Shoulders and caused her to tickle and itch,
Yelled a sailor, "Well I'll be a son of a
Beautiful mermaid out there on the rocks
And the crew came-a-running, their hands on their
Caps while they crowded four deep on the rail
All eager to share in this fine piece of
Talk which the Captain soon heard from the watch
So he tied down the wheel and unbuttoned his
Crackers and cheese which he kept near the door
In hopes he might come on a sea-going
Happy, he knew he must use all his wits
So he called for a line to make fast to her
Tail, saying, Boys, we are finally going to find,
"Whether mermaids do better before or
"Be brave. my good fellows," the Captain next said
"And with lick we'll break through her maiden
Heading to starboard, they tacked with dispatch
And caught that fair mermaid right on the
Side and immediately hustled her down below decks
Where each had a crack at this wonder of
Setting her free after each had a pass
They tossed her back in with a splash on her
After a while they all noticed some scabs
And soon they broke out with the pox and the
Cursing and scratching, you know what I mean
This song may be dull, but it's frightfully clean.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 09:46 AM

can't remember the title of the tune,but tis an old english folksong.
song in rhyming couplets. after ist line chorus of hey ho said rowley.afetr 2nd with a roly poly up em an stuff em, hey ho said anthony rowley
a is for arsehole all covered in shit
and b is the bastard who revels in it

c is for cunt all covered in cream
and d is the dickhead who licks it all clean

e is for eunuch with no balls at all
and f is the fucker who fucks at them all

g is for goitre gonorreah and gout
h is the harlot who dishes them out

i is the injection you get for the itch
while j is the jerk of a dog on a bitch

k is the king who shat on his throne
and l is the lesbian who fucks all alone

m is for maidenhead all tattered and torn
n is the noble who died with the horn

o is for orifice all cunningly concealed
and p is for penis all raedy and peeled

q is the quaker who shat in his hat
and r is the rascal who rogered the cat

s is for shithouse filled to the brim
and t are the turds that float there within

u is for uterus and uterine duct
and v is the virgin who wished she'd been fucked

w's the wife who makes it a farce
and x y and z you can stick up your arse

to the memory of terry baxter

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Jack
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:37 PM

I would like to know where the bawdy ballad "Big Rhode Island Red" orginated from - and are they any other versions to the song.

Jack

Subject: ADD: Engineers Song (Rugby)
From: GUEST,Jeeves
Date: 24 Feb 06 - 04:08 PM

ENGINEERS SONG

An Engineer said before he died
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
An Engineer said before he died
An Engineer said before he died
And I've no reason to think he lied
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He married a girl with a cunt so wide
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He married a girl with a cunt so wide
She was never satisfied
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He built for her a prick of steel
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He built for her a prick of steel
Two brass balls and a bloody great wheel
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

The whole fucking thing was powered by steam
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
The whole fucking thing was powered by steam
And the two brass balls were filled with cream
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He tied her feet to the leg of the bed
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He tied her feet to the leg of the bed
And he tied her hands above her head
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

She lay there and demanded a fuck
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
She lay there and demanded a fuck
He shook her hand and wished her luck
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He fired the boiler and flicked the switch
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He fired the boiler and flicked the switch
She cried for more the filthy bitch
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

Up and up went the level of steam
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
Up and up went the level of steam
Down and down went the level of cream
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

And finally that whore did cry
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
And finally that whore did cry
Enough! Enough! I'm satisfied!(in high pitched voice)
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

That prick split her from arse to tit
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
That prick split her from arse to tit
The whole fucking place was covered in shit
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

They scrapped her up into a bag
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
They scrapped her up into a bag
Serves her right for being a slag
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

And now here comes the tragic bit
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
And now here comes the tragic bit
There was no way of stopping it
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

It jumped off her and onto him
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
It jumped off her and onto him
And then it buggered their next of kin
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

The last time that that prick was seen
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
The last time that that prick was seen
It was down in London fucking the queen
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

And finally a child was born
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
And finally a child was born
With two brass balls and a fucking great horn
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

The moral of the story should be clear
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
The moral of the story should be clear
NEVER FUCK WITH AN ENGINEER!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,u38cg
Date: 08 Sep 18 - 08:17 AM

> I really like this one. It seems to have been "making the rounds" only within the last year.

It's a lot older than that: I heard it from a guy who learnt it in Malaya with Mad Mitch, and it was old then.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 08 Sep 18 - 09:18 PM

Hello, Ug813

Are you perhaps referring to the immediate "Engineers Song" in this thread? What is the song that you like?

Given that you appear to be posting from "Indonisia" and that the anniversary celebration of the "mother hash" in Kuala Lumpur, is happening at this very moment in time.....

Please collect a few of the newest "hash/rugby" ditties and post them to this thread. The creativity is ASTOUNDING!

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: and e
Date: 22 Aug 23 - 08:36 PM

Gargoyle,

Would it be possible to get a photo copy of the Penelton RFC songbook?

Rugby songbooks are rather rare.


My email is 1 @ patrick.xyz


IF you like I can also scan and mail back.

Thanks!

and e

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Aug 23 - 06:48 PM

Dear and e ,

Most unfortunately, it will not scan or even photograph.

It is in the light blue ink of a spirit-master (the alcohol type we loved to smell hot-off-the-press) and was middle of the run.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

I will ask around