Rugby Football Songs

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 06:53 AM

Thanks GUEST - Well that is "different" and perhaps best left out of the D.T. Here's a "nicer one" for those who more easily offended, it is a variation on Bestialitys' Best posted above.

Vegetables Are The Best
Tune: Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

Chorus:
Vegetables are the best, girls,
Vegetables are the best--EAT YOUR GREENS!
Vegetables are the best, girls,
Vegetables are the best, 'cause . . .

Do the deed with a weed, girls,
Do the deed with a weed--VEGETABLES!
Do the deed with a weed, girls,
Do the deed with a weed, 'cause . . .

Other verses:
Commit fellatio with a potato, girls
Take a dyke on with a daikan, boys
Shave the fuzz off a peach, boys
Slip a rubba on a rutabaga, girls
Be a fairy with a strawberry, boys
Try humpin' a pumpkin, lads
Tickle your root with a shoot, boys
Tickle your clit with a pickle, girls
No need for the pill with a dill, girls
Stick a cuke up your chute, girls
Fill your chute with a root, girls
Squeeze a kumquat in your twat, girls
Give a wedgie to a veggie, boys
Drink the pee of a broccoli
A gourd will always stay hard, girls
Elope with a cantaloupe, girls
Go goose a spruce, lads
Wine and dine a fine pine, men
Stuff some grass up your ass, boys
Debauchery with the shrubbery, boys
Rub your tube with a tuber, boys
Wheat germ makes your squirm, girls
Rub your slit hard with rhubarb, girls
Get frisky with some kim chee, girls
Give him a horn with some corn, girls
Make him green with a bean, girls
Get defrocked by a stalk, father
Venial sins with the California Raisins, girls
Stiffen your root with a Kiwi fruit, boys
etc . . .

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 06:59 AM

I don't believe the Search Engines are working at the M.C.

Vicar in the Dockside Church
Tune: ???

The Vicar in the dockside church,
One Sunday morning said,
"Some dirty bastard's shat himself,
I'll punch his fucking head."
Well up jumped Jock from the third row back,
And he spat a mighty go-o-ob,
"I'm the one who shat himself,
You can chew my fucking kno-o-ob,
You can chew my fucking knob."

The organist played 'Hearts of Oak',
Mixed up with 'Auld Lang Syne',
The preacher then got up and said,
'You've had your fucking time."
The organist waltzed down the aisle,
With his organ on his back,
Then up jumped Jock and hollered out,
(And the Vicar from his pulpit cried,)
"You can waltz that bastard ba-a-ack,
You can waltz that bastard back."

Sweet Jenny Lynd got up to sing,
She warbled like a thrush,
The Vicar from his pulpit said,
"By God you're fucking lush."
"That's right," said she, "but I'm not for free,
It's thirty bob a ti-i-ime."

The up jumped Jock and hollered out,
(And the Vicar from his pulpit cried)
"Hands off you bastards she's mi-i-ine,
Hands off you bastards she's mine."

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 07:01 AM

Carolina
Tune: Sweet Betsy from Pike

Way down in Alabama where the bullshit lies thick,
The girls are so pretty that the babies come quick.
There lives Carolina, the queen of them all,
Carolina, Carolina, the cow-puncher's whore.

She's handy, she's bandy, she shags in the street.
Whenever you meet her she's always in heat.
If you leave your fly open she's after your meat,
And the smell of her cunt knocks you right off your feet.

One night I was riding way down by the falls,
One hand on my pistol, the other on my balls.
I saw Carolina there using a stick,
Instead of the end of a cow-puncher's prick.

I caressed her, undressed her, and laid her down there.
And parted the tresses of curly brown hair.
Inserted the prick of my sturdy horse,
And then there began a strange intercourse.

Faster and faster went my sturdy steed,
Until Carolina rejoiced at the speed,
When all of a sudden my horse did back-fire,
And shot Caroline right into the mire.

Up got Carolina all covered in muck.
And said, "Oh dear, what a glorious fuck!"
Two paces forward and fell flat on the floor,
And that was the end of the cow-punchers whore.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 07:03 AM

Cactus In My Y-Fronts
Tune: A recital to the meter of Eskimo Nell

Chorus:
I've got Cactus in my Y-fronts
A vulture on my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss
And I wish that I was dead

I've a jock strap made of leather
That tickles tee he hee
But the cactus in my Y fronts
Made a loser out of me

I was up in Cripple Creek,
I was dying for a leak
So I dropped behind a cactus there
And when I did up my belt
I can't tell you how it felt
But I knew the meaning of a prickly pear

I went down to Nevada
Where the girls try so much harder
And I met a cute young thing called Caroline,
But each time she felt my prickles
She said "goodness me to tickles!"
Now she's gone and run off with a porcupine

In Cal-i-for-ni-a where the rustlers are so 'gay'
I bought a gentle gee-gee name of jack
But he livened up a lot
When he felt my prickly bot
That bucking bronco broke my bloomin' back

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 07:05 AM

Virgin Sturgeon
Tune: Reuben and Rachel

CHORUS:
Caviar comes from the virgin sturgeon,
The virgin sturgeon is a very fine fish,
The virgin sturgeon needs no urging,
That's why caviar is my dish.

I gave caviar to my girlfriend,
She's a virgin through and through,
Since I gave my girlfriend caviar,
There ain't nothing she won't do.
I gave caviar to my bow-wow,
All the other doggies looked agog,
He had what those bitches needed,
Wasn't he a lucky dog?

I gave caviar to my grandpa,
Grandpa's age is ninety-three,
Last time that I saw grandpa,
He's chased grandma up a tree.

My father was a lighthouse keeper,
He had caviar for his tea,
He had three children by a mermaid,
Two were kippers, one was me.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 04:46 AM

Barcelona
Tune: Mañana

CHORUS:
Mañana, mañana,
Is my banana good enough for you?

Way down in Barcelona,
Where ladies learn to knit,
A lady stuck a knitting needle in another lady's tit.
Said the lady to the lady,
"We're here to learn to knit,
Not to stick a knitting needle in another lady's tit."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where drummers play the drum,
A drummer stuck a drumstick up another drummer's bum.
Said the drummer to the drummer,
"We're here to play the drum,
Not stick a drumstick up another drummer's bum."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where lepers decompose,
A leper picked a snotty from another leper's nose.
Said the leper to the leper,
"We're here to decompose,
Not to pick a snotty from another leper's nose."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where ladies learn to swim,
A lady put her finger up another lady's quim.
Said the lady to the lady,
"We're here to learn to swim,
Not to put our fingers up another lady's quim."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where beggars beg for food,
A beggar chucked a lunger in another beggar's gruel.
Said the beggar to the beggar,
"We're here to beg for food,
Not to chuck a lunger in another beggar's gruel."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where wankers yank their crank,
A wanker took a yank of another wanker's crank.
Said the wanker to the wanker,
"We're here to yank our crank,
Not to yank a crank off another wanker's crank."

Way down in Barcelona where the miners shovel coal,
A miner shoved a shovel up another miners hole,
Said the miner to the miner,
We're here to shovel coal,
And not to shove a shovel up another miners hole.

Way down in New York City,
Where the cabbies drive so fast.
A cabby rammed his cab up another cabbies ass,
Said the cabby to the cabby,
(Wind down window)
FUCK YOU - BUDDY!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 04:47 AM

This is a version of "Darkies Sunday School" currently NOT in the DT. It has inuendo and is more playful.

Country Sunday School

CHORUS:
Young folk, old folk,
Everybody come,
To the country Sunday School,
And we'll have lots of fun,
Bring your sticks of chewing gum,
And sit upon the floor,
And we'll tell you Bible stories,
That you never heard before.

Now Adam was the first man,
So we're lead to believe,
He walked into the garden,
And bumped right into Eve,
There was no one there to show him,
But he quickly found the way,
And that's the very reason,
Why we're singing here today,

The Lord said unto Noah,
"It's going to rain today"
So Noah built a bloody great Ark,
In which to sail away.
The animals went in two by two,
But soon got up to tricks,
So, although they came in two by two,
They came out six by six.

Now Moses in the bulrushes,
Was all wrapped up in swathe,
Pharaoh's daughter found him,
When she went down there to bathe,
She took him back to Pharaoh,
And said, "I found him on the shore"
And Pharaoh winked his eye and said,
"I've heard that one before."

King Solomon and King David,
Lived most immoral lives,
Spent their time a-chasing,
After other people's wives,
The Lord spoke unto both of them,
And it worked just like a charm,
'Cos Solomon wrote the Proverbs,
And David wrote the Psalms.

Now Samson was an Israelite,
And very big and strong,
Delilah was a Philistine,
Always doing wrong.
They spent a week together,
But it didn't get very hot,
For all he got was short back and sides,
And a little bit off the top.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 12:38 AM

For the Yanks in this forum that have never crossed the pond and had the honor of sojourning with the European "ladies." Here is a little background information. Then again,the notation is probably unnecessary, WHO besides a UKer-FBer (or a UC-La student) would read this thread?

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Philippa
Date: 12-Jan-99 - 09:19 AM
Shop: Daniel , Tonight
I heard a story about a young man who who was seen coming out of the shopping centre with some dozen multi-packs of Durex (condoms). "You must have a heavy date tonight, Mick", said his friend. "Uh, well, it's like this," Mick admitted 'sheepishly', "I was going to buy a Daniel O'Donnell album, but every time I went up to the counter, I was too embarassed to ask."

Durex is a Girl's Best Friend

Tune: Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

A poke with a bloke may be quite incidental,
Durex is a girl's best friend,
You may get the works
But you won't be parental.
As he slides it in,
You trust that good old latex skin
As he lets fly, none gets by
'Cos it's all gathered up in the end.
This little precaution
Avoids an abortion
Durex is a girl's best friend.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 12:40 AM

OK folks, perhaps this could fall more in the catagory of "Camp-Fire-Songs," it is a variation of Three Jolly Fishermen As a "camper" I thought it a cute-ditty, but little did I know the OTHER words meaning when twisted to a footballer's mentality. Joe/Max will probably deleat it since it reflects sentiments THEY attribute to the Knaben/Jugen of the HJ. But given its irreverance to cutesy/niceness it is deffinately RUGBY!!! (posted 10/16/01 15:31 GMT)

Three Jews from Jerusalem

Tune: Three Jolly Fishermen

There were three Jews from Jerusalem,
There were three Jews from Jerusalem,
Jerry, jerry, jerry, Ru Sa Lem,
Jerry, jerry, jerry, Ru Sa Lem,
There were three Jews from Jerusalem.

The first Jew's name was Issac (2x)
Isy, isy isy suck suck suck (2x)
There were.......etc.

The second Jew's name was Abraham (2x)
Abry, abry, abry RAM RAM RAM! (2x)
There were......etc.

They had a friend named Joseph,(2x)
Josy, osy, osy SIPH SIPH SIPH!(2x)
There were..... etc.

And another friend named Jehosephat,(2x)
Hjehosy, osy, osy, FART FART FART!(2x)
There were..... etc.

They went for a ride in a charabanc,(2x)
Chara, chara, charc BANG, BANG, BANG!(2x)
There were..... etc.

There was a mighty thunderclap,(2x)
Thunder, thunder, thunder, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!(2x)
There were..... etc.

They all fell over a precipice,(2x)
Preci,preci,preci PISS, PISS, PISS!(2x)
There were..... etc.

The took them off the hospital,(2x)
Hosy, ohy, ohy, PIDDLE PIDDLE PIDDLE!(2x)
There were..... etc.

Otherwise known as the ramah sakit,(2x)
Rumah, rumah, rumah, SUCKIT, SUCKIT, SUCKIT!(2x)
There were..... etc.

But there were no beds vacant,(2x)
Vacy, vacy, vacy, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT!(2x)
There were..... etc.

The doctor came form Norfolk,(2x)
Norry, ory, ory, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!(2x)
There were..... etc.

The nurse she gave them arsenic,(2x)
Arsy, arsy, arsy, NIC, NIC, NIC!(2x)
There were..... etc.

And this is where we finish it,(2x)
Fini, fini, fini, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!(2x)
There were..... etc.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 01:30 AM

...they teach these to the Philmont Rangers? geez..kinda gross...

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 05:13 AM

Salome
Tune: ???

Down our street we had a little party,
Everyone there was oh so gay and hearty.
Talk about a treat, there was fuck all to eat,
So we all got pissed in a boozer down the street.

There was old Uncle Jim,
He was fair fucked up,
We put him in the cellar,
With the old bull pup.

Little Sunny Tim,
Was trying to get it in,
With his asshole,
Winking at the moonlight.

CHORUS:
Oh, Salome, Salome,
My gal Salome.
Dancing there with her asshole bare,
Every little wiggle make the boys all stare.
She swings it, she flings it,
She's a great big cow twice the size of me,
Hairs on her belly like the trunk of a tree,
She could run, jump, fuck, fart,
Push a barrow, wheel a cart,
That's my gal Salome.

Monday night she fucks like hell,
Tuesday night she has a spell,
Wednesday night she takes it up her back,
Thursday night she takes it in the crack,
And Friday night she takes it up her nose,
In between her finger and down between her toes.
Saturday night she dishes out the clap -
And she goes to church on Sunday. CHORUS

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 05:20 AM

Giving equal time to the women here is:

S&M Girl

Tune: Candy Man

Who takes jumper cables,
Attaches 'em to her tits,
Connects them to a Mack truck,
And has orgasmic fits?
It's the S&M girl.

CHORUS: Oh, the S&M girl,
The S&M girl because she mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good (the hurt feel good).

Who can jump a flagpole,
Land right up on top,
Wiggle down and squeeze so tight,
The ball on top pops?
It's the S&M girl.

Who can take a buzz saw,
Hold it to her twat,
Rev up the engine,
And perpetually squat?
It's the S&M girl.

Who sleeps on barbed wire,
Tossing left and right,
Just to see how many stitches,
She can earn each night?
It's the S&M girl.

Who can shave her body,
Pubic parts and all,
Swim around all day,
In a pool of alcohol?
It's the S&M girl.

Who rubs down with honey,
Just to have a chance,
To lay out on the lawn,
And be a picnic for the ants?
It's the S&M girl.

Who ties down her sweetie,
Every single day,
Covers him with rats,
And lets the kitties in to play?
It's the S&M girl.

Who can take some shackles
Chain you to the walls
Fill a glass with sperm
By lancing both your balls?
It's the S&M girl

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 09:44 AM

Peri Periwinkle

Tune: Ach, Du Lieber, Augustin

Noo a lassie was roamin' by the banks of Loch Lomand,
She slipped on her dress and a wee chunk o'stane
Noo a Parson was passin' and on her took passion
He lifted her up and he carried her hame.

CHORUS:

Singin' Peri Periwinkle, I see your wee wrinkle,
Singin' Peri Periwinkle, but you canna see mine!

Noo he fed her and cled her and into bed led her,
And noo that wee lassie's asufferin with shame;
For he jumped in beside her and started to ride her,
And noo that wee lassie's the Whore of Dunbane.

Noo all the little angels are sent, are sent up
Noo all the little angels are sent up on high.

Which end up? Ass end up.
Which end up? Ass end up.
All the little angles ass end up on high.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 11:29 AM

...garg...you aren't sleeping much....have you gotten laid off? I hope not!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 03:48 AM

Can't help but sing this song, and not recall that wonderful wedding scene from the original movie, The Godfather

Rajah of Aatrakhan

Tune: When Johnnie Comes Marching Home

There was a Rajah of Astrakhan,
Yo ho, Yo ho,
A most licentious fucking man,
Yo ho, yo ho,
Of wives he had a hundred and nine,
Including his favorite concubine,
Yo ho, you buggers, yo ho, you buggers,
Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

One day when he had a hell of a stand,
He called to a warrior, one of his band,
Go down without wasting any time,
Get me my favorite concubine.

The warrior fetched the concubine,
A face like Venus, a face divine,
The Rajah gave a significant grunt,
And rammed his penis up her cunt.

The Rajah's cries were loud and long,
The maiden's cries were sure and strong,
But just when all had come to a head,
They both fell through the fucking bed.

They hit the floor with a hell of a grunt,
Which completely buggered the poor girl's cunt,
And as for the Rajah's magnificent cock, It never recovered from the shock.

There is a moral to this tale,
There is a moral to this tale,
If you would fuck a girl at all,
Stand her right up against the wall.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 03:59 AM

Nope Harpy, working double/triple time at the moment, sort of a wild, waltzing 6/8 tempo, a crazed tranatella worthy of Dmitri Dabalevsky. No rest for the wicked.

Drink
Tune: Sing!

Drink,
Drink a beer,
Belch out loud,
Belch out clear,
Drink of good times, we run,
Drink of plenty, not one.....

Drink,
Drink the brew,
Down it quickly, this beer we give to you,
Don't worry that it's not good enough,
For anyone else to down,
Just drink,
Drink the beer.....

Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, etc...

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 04:07 AM

Now here
can be heard
a song for the herd,
most appropriate for a Wicked Wyoming Wican
if it don't make you more sicken.

It is similar to Carolina in the DT, but carries some distinctly different lyrics.

Down in Wyoming
Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike

Twas down in Wyoming,
Where the bullshit lies thick
I was riding along, my hand on my dick
When whom should I see
But the girl I adore
It was Charlotte the harlot
The cowpuncher's whore

She's randy, she's dandy
She's my heart's delight
I fuck her by day and
I fuck her by night
And each time I fuck her
I pump in a quart
If you don't call that fucking
You fucking well ought!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 04:09 AM

A song of Max's east-coast cruisen the "Big A??????"

Don't That Bastard Get any Bigger?

Tune: Put Another Log On the Fire

Don't that bastard get any bigger?
I bet some bitch bit off the last three feet,
It's wrinkled like a six week old banana,
And got a limp a cripple couldn't beat.
Come on, baby,
Can't you make it go any faster?
And don't forget to let me get there first.
Don't that bastard get any bigger?
You're lucky someone understands,
like me.

Don't that paycheck get any fatter?
And don't forget my birthday's in a week,
What about the tennis courts you promised,
And how about Hawaii for a break?
Come on, baby,
Climb another rung in that ladder,
You haven't had a pay raise since
New Year's.
Don't that paycheck get any fatter?
You're lucky someone understands, like me.

Don't let that heart rate go any faster,
Jesus, why do you have to work so hard?
You never stay at home on the weekends,
No wonder your banana's never ripe.
Come on, baby,
You hang around the office 'til all hours,
I bet you've got a brand new secretary,
Don't let that heart rate go any faster,
You're lucky someone understands, like me.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 09:36 AM

Another version of this is in the DT under Ringdang

Ringadangdoo

Tune: My Ding-a-ling

CHORUS:
The ringadangdoo, pray what is that?
It's furry and soft, like a pussy-cat,
It's got a crack down the middle,
And a hole right through,
That's what they call the Ringadangdoo.

I once knew a girl, her name was Jean,
The sweetest girl I'd ever seen,
She loved a boy, who was straight and true,
Who longed to play on her ringadangdoo.

So she took him to her father's house,
And crept inside as quiet as a mouse,
And they shut the door and the window too,
And he played all night on her Ringadangdoo.

The very next day her father said,
'You've gone and lost your maidenhead!
You can pack your bags and suitcase, too,
And bugger off with your Ringadangdoo!"

So she went to town and became a whore,
And hung a red light outside her door,
And one by one and two by two,
They came to play on her Ringadangdoo.

There came to that town a son of a bitch
Who had the pox and the seven-year-itch,
He had gonorrhea and syphilis too--
So that was the end of her Ringadangdoo.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 09:38 AM

Don't Cry Lady

Tune: ??? (Good Night Ladies?)

Chorus:
Don't cry lady. I'll buy your goddam violets,
Dont' cry lady. Your pencils too.
Don't cry lady. Take off those colored glasses
Hello mother, I knew it was you.

Hooray, hooray, my father's gonna get shot.
Hooray, hooray, that dirty drunken sot.
For he was very mean to me when I was just a tot,
Hooray, they're gonna shoot my father, so (chorus)

Hooray, hooray, my uncle's gonna get hung.
Hooray, hooray, that dirty drunken bum.
For he was very mean to me when I was very young,
Hooray, they're gonna hang my uncle, so (chorus)

Hooray, hooray, my brother's gonna get hurt.
Hooray, hooray, that dirty sex pervert.
For he was very mean to me when I was just a squirt,
Hooray, they're gonna hurt my brother, so (chorus)

Hooray, hooray, my cousin's gonna get destroyed.
Hooray, hooray, that no go anthropoid.
For he would always try on me thing's he'd read in Freud,
Hooray, they're gonna wreck my cousin, so (chorus)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 12:20 AM

Dinah

Tune: ???

CHORUS:
Dinah, Dinah show us your leg,
Show us your leg, show us your leg.
Dinah, Dinah show us your leg,
A yard above your knee.

I wish I were the diamond ring,
On Dinah's dainty hand.
Then every time she wiped her ass,
I'd see the promised LAND! LAND! LAND!

The rich girl rides a limousine,
The poor girl rides a truck.
But the only ride that Dinah has,
Is when she has a RIGHT GOOD FUCK!

The rich girl uses a sanitary towel,
The poor girl uses a sheet.
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
Leaves a trail along the STREET! STREET! STREET!

The rich girl wears a ring of gold,
The poor girl one of brass.
But the only ring that Dinah wears,
Is the one around her ASS! ASS! ASS!

The rich girl wears a brassiere,
The poor Girl uses string,
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
She let's the bastards SWING! SWING! SWING!

The rich girl uses Vaseline,
The poor girl uses lard.
But Dinah uses axle grease,
Because her cunt's so HARD! HARD! HARD!

The rich girls work in factories,
The poor girls work in stores.
But Dinah works in a honky-tonk,
With forty other WHORES! WHORES! WHORES!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 12:25 AM

We have two very fine versions of this classic Austrailian in the DT. Here is bawdy parody.

Road to Gundagai

Tune: Road to Gundagai

There's a crack winding back,
From her belly to her back,
On the road to Gundagai

There's a yank there beside her,
You bet your balls he'll ride her,
Beneath the starry sky

With a frenchie on his big prick,
He'll ride her with ease
As he scratches up the gravel
With both of his knees,
Though the time will come to pass,
When he'll whop it up her arse,
On the road to Gundagai.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 12:29 AM

Rip My Knickers Away

Tune: ????

Be I 'ampshire, be I buggery,
Oi koms up from Wareham,
Oi knows a gal with calico drawers,
And I knows how to tear 'em.

CHORUS: Rip my knickers away,
Rip my knickers away,
I don't care what becomes of me,
As long as you finger my C.U.N.T.

Rip my knickers away, away,
Rip my knickers away,
Down the front, down the back,
Round the back, round the crack,
Rip my knickers away.

Walkin' by the field one day
I heard a maiden crying,
"Oh, please don't rip me knockers off, Jack,
You'll get there by and byin'."

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:37 AM

Roedean School

Tune: We Shall Not Be Moved

We are from Roedean, good girls are we,
We take great pride in our virginity,
We take precautions,
And avoid abortions,
For we are from Roedean School.

CHORUS:
Up School, Up school Up school,
Right Up school!
Laah-lah, laah-lah, lah, lah,lah,lah,lah,
Laah-lah, laah-lah, lah, lah,lah,lah,lah.

Our school porter, he is a fool,
He's only got a teeny-weeny tool,
All right for keyholes
And little girlies' pee-holes,
But not for girls at Roedean School.

When we go out to the Vicar's for tea,
He likes to bounce us up and down on his knee,
We feed him brandy,
Which makes him feel randy,
For we are from Roedean School.

When we go down to the beach for a swim,
The people remark on the size of our quim,
You can bet your bottom dollar,
It's big as a horse's collar,
For we are from Roedean School.

Our head perfect, her name is Jane,
She only likes it now and again,
And again, and again,
And again, and again,
For she is from Roedean School.

Our house mistress, she can't be beat,
She lets us go walking in the street,
We sell our titties for
Three-penny bitties,
Right outside of Roedean School.

Our sports mistress, she is the best,
She teaches us how to develop our chest,
We wear tight sweaters,
And carry French Letters,
For we are from Roedean School.

Each week at Roedean we have a dance,
We don't wear bras and we don't wear pants,
We like to give
All the fellows a chance,
For we are from Roedean School.

Our head gardener, he makes us drool,
He's got a great big dirty whoppin' tool,
All right for tunnels,
And Queen Mary's funnels,
And great for the girls at Roedean School.

We have a new girl, her name is Flo,
Nobody thought that she would have a go,
But she surprised the Vicar,
By raising him quicker,
That any other girl at Roedean School.

We are from Roedean, lesbos are we,
Caused by living in an all-girls dormit'ry,
It's lights out at seven,
Candles out at eleven,
For we are from Roedean School.

Our school doctor, she is a beaut,
Teaches us to swerve when our boy friends shoot,
It saves many marriages,
And forced miscarriages,
For we are from Roedean School.

We go to Roedean, don't we have fun,
We know exactly how it is done,
When we lie down
We hole it in one,
For we are from Roedean School.

Those girls from Cheltenham, they are just sissies,
The get worked up over one or two kisses,
It takes wax candles,
And long broom handles,
To rouse the girls at Roedean School.

We go to Roedean, we can be had,
Don't take our word, boy ask your old dad,
He brings his friends,
For breath-taking trends,
For we are from Roedean School.

In our winter we wear our J.D.'s, Long combinations well below our knees, It's all right for dragging,
But no good for shagging,
For we are from Roedean School.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 09:47 AM

More verses to this WWII classic already found in the DT.

Roll Your Leg Over

Tune: Oh, Sally, My Dear

If all the young girls were like fish in the ocean,
Then I'd be a whale and I'd show them the motion.

CHORUS:

Oh, roll your leg over,
Oh, roll your leg over,
Roll your leg over the and fuck me till noon

If all the young girls were like fish in a pool,
I'd be a shark with a waterproof tool.

If all the young girls were like fish in the brookie,
I'd be a trout and I'd get me some nookie.

If all the young girls were like winds on the sea,
I'd be a sail and I'd have them blow me.

If all the young girls were like cows in the pasture,
I'd be a bull and I'd fill them with rapture.

If all the young girls were like mares in the stable,
I'd be a stallion and show them I'm able.

If all the young girls were like bells in a tower,
I'd be a clapper and bang them each hour.

If all the young girls were like bats in a steeple,
And I were a bat, there'd be more bats than people.

If all the young girls were like little red foxes,
And I were a hunter, I's shoot up their boxes.

If all the young girls were like little white rabbits,
And I were a hare, I would teach them bad habits.

If all the young girls were like trees in the forest,
And I was a woodsman, I'd split their clitoris.

If all the young girls were like telephone poles,
I'd be a squirrel and stuff nuts in their holes.

If all the young girls were like diamonds and rubies,
I'd be a jeweler and polish their boobies.

If all the young girls were like coals in the stoker,
I'd be a fireman and shove in my poker.

I wish all the girls were like statues of Venus,
And I were equipped with a petrified penis.

I wish all young ladies were singing this song,
It would be twice as dirty and three times as long.

If all the young ladies were far better skiers,
And better beer drinkers, and less constant pee-ers.

I wish all the girls were like Aspen Ski Tow,
You pay fifty dollars, you get on and go.

If all the young girls were like winds on the sea,
And I were a sail, I would let them blow me.

I wish all little girls were like pieces of pie,
And I were a fork so I would fork till I die.

I wish all little girls were like small desert cactus,
And I were a pin, I would prick theirs for practice.

We sing long, we sing loud, we sing all about it,
But only because we've been doing without it.

I wish all the girls were like holes in the road,
I be a truck and dump in my load.

I wish all the girls would douche with Lavoris,
I'd freshen my breath by licking clitoris.

I wish all the men were like pipes in the yard,
After they're drained they'd still remain hard.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 09:50 AM

Did You Ever Wonder?

Tune=?

Have you ever wondered if your Mom gave Dad a blow job
Right before she kissed you good night?
Did she swallow and eat a lot of folks you'll never meet
And does the thought give you a fright?
Did you ever wonder how a dog jumps on another dog
And gets his penis right in?
Then start banging away, not even "woof, it's nice to meet you";
If you ask me I think it's a sin.
What makes a penis so thick?
Why do some folks cum too quick?
While some others never cum at all?
Does a fly take a leak, and does an ostrich ever peek
When there's poop coming out of this butt?
C'mon, now do you ever wonder...?

Did you ever wonder if anybody ever hears you,
While you jerk off in solitude?
Whether you're sixty or six.
You get embarrassed pretty quick,
If your Mom walked in on you
When you screw someone new
Do you ever wonder who was there before you
Was he short or tall
Was his penis a three or was he hung like a tree
And will she feel you inside at all
Do dead men's genitals swell,
And are we going straight to hell for our perverted CURIOUSIOTIES?
C'mon, do you ever wonder? Humm...?

Do you ever wonder if the Tin Man wanted Dorothy
To lubricate his private parts
And if he has his wish, would it be "If I had a hard-on,"
'Stead of "If I only had a heart?"
Does sperm make a sound when it crashes to the ground
While you're jerking off and you're not seen?
Does it feel any pain when it dries into a stain
On the page of some magazine?
Did you ever wonder
If a pig can really vomit
Did you ever think of that at all
Heeeeey, do you ever wonder?

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 10:18 AM

Dead Whore

Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

II passed a dead whore on the roadside
I knew right away she was dead.
For the skin on her stomach was flaking
She hadn't a hair on her head
She hadn't a hair on her head.

Chorus:
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me.

I first met my dead whore at Mitch's
With a horrible snail-sucking face
She'd roll them around on her tongue one
And barf them back up in your face.
And barf them back up in your face.

Chorus...

My dead whore looked into a gas tank
The contents of it for to see
I lit a match to assist her
Oh bring back my dead whore to me, to me
Oh bring back my dead whore to me,.

While nibbling my dead whore's festered nipples
A horrible thing to discuss
I thought it was milk I was sucking
But it turned out it was syphilitic pus, green pus
But it turned out it was syphilitic pus.

Chorus...

My dead whore's vagina was swelling
A condition I thought would soon pass
I stuck in my pecker to explore it
And she farted green gas from her ass
She farted green gas from her ass.

Chorus...
I thought of a way of preserving
My dead whore for posterity
I'd dry her like a piece of beef jerky
With a leathery twat just for me, for me
With a leathery twat just for me.

Chorus...

I French-kissed my dead whore named Merly
I thought she had a very active tongue
But after an evening of kissing
I realized it was maggots from her lung
I realized it was maggots from her lung.

Chorus...

Once upon thinking it over
I realized my terrible sin
So I stuck my lips on her sweet pussy
And sucked out the load I shot in, shot in
And sucked out the load I shot in,.

Chorus...

But before I could extract that jism
My dead whore was pregnant and more
Inside the maternity morgue
She gave birth to a dead baby whore
She gave birth to a dead baby whore.

Chorus...

Goes at the end of Dead Whore or may be done as a song by itself.

Born Dead

Tune = Born Free

Born dead, your baby was born dead
Three fingers and no head
Born dead to live in a jar
Stay dead, don't come back to haunt me;
You really don't want me.
Born dead to live in a jar.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:25 PM

How this one has escaped the DT, for this long, is beyond me.

Rub-A-Dee-Dub

Tune: The Scotsman

Now the baker's boy to the mart he went,
Some pork for him to buy.
And when he got upon the spot,
No one he could espy.
And just as he was about to leave,
Thinking all was dead,
He heard the sound of rub-a-dee-dub,
Right above his head.

Now the baker's boy was cunning and wise,
And he crept up the stairs,
And he crept up so silently,
He caught them unawares.
And there he saw the butcher's boy,
Between his missus' thighs,
And they were having rub-a-dee-dub,
Right before his eyes.
Oh, they were having rub-a-dee-dub,
Right before his eyes.

Now the butcher's wife was much alarmed,
Aleeping from the bed,
She turned unto the baker's boy,
And this is what she said,
"If you were but my secret keep,
Just bear this fact in mind.
You can always cum for a rub-a-dee-dub.
Whenever you feel inclined."
Oh, can always cum for a rub-a-dee-dub.
Whenever you feel inclined."

Now the baker's boy was filled with joy,
The prospect of such fun,
He barely leaped upon the bed,
When the butcher's boy was done.
But when he came to the shortest strokes,
How he kissed the butcher's wife.
He vowed he'd have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Every day of his life.
Oh, he vowed he'd have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Every day of his life.

Now in the 'morn when he awoke,
All over did he quake.
His back was sore, his balls were raw,
All over he did shake.
And when he looked at his Tom-Tom,
He saw he'd done the trick.
The consequences of his rub-a-dee-dub,
Was pimples on his prick.
Oh, the consequences of his rub-a-dee-dub,
Was pimples on his prick.

Now the baker's boy to the doctor went,
Some ointment for to buy,
The doctor looked him up and down,
And heaved a mighty sigh,
"My boy, my boy," the doctor said,
"You've been a bloody fool,
You'll never more have a rub-a-dee-dub,
I'm gonna cut off your tool."
Oh, you'll never more have a rub-a-dee-dub,
I'm gonna cut off your tool."

Now listen to the baker's boy,
For he should surely know,
An enthusiastic amateur,
Is worse than any pro,
And if you would a wooing go,
And self-control you lack,
Whenever you have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Be sure to wear a mack.
Oh, whenever you have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Be sure to wear a mack.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:29 PM

Posted into the Britania thread, is a great song for audience participation, simple enough that the most drunken of footballers can sing it.

Rule Britannia

Tune: Rule Britannia

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Five Chinese crackers up your asshole,
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Four Chinese crackers up your asshole,

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Three Chinese crackers up your asshole,

BANG, BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Two Chinese crackers up your asshole,

BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
One Chinese cracker up your asshole,

BANG!

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the seas,
Britons never, never, never shit green peas.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:32 PM

Davy Cockhead

Tune: Davy Crockett

Down in the valley where the black grass grows,
There lives a lady without any clothes.
Along came a man with a cap and a stick,
Down went his pants, and up went his prick.

CHORUS:
Davy, Davy Cockhead,
King of the wild fuckers.

Three months past and all was well,
Six months past, oh, what a swell,
Nine months pass, oh, what a shock!
Out came a baby with a nine-inch cock.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:34 PM

Did You Ever See

Tune: ???

Oh, I got an Aunty Sissy,
And she's only got one titty,
But it's very long and pointed,
And the nipple's double jointed.

CHORUS:
Did you ever see,
Did you ever see,
Did you ever see,
Such a funny thing before.

I've got a cousin Daniel,
And he's got a cocker spaniel,
If you tickled 'im in the middle,
He would lift his leg and piddle.

Oh, I've got a cousin Rupert,
He plays outside half for Newport,
They think so much about him,
That they always play without him.

Oh, I've got a cousin Anna,
And she's got a grand piana,
And she'd 'ammer, 'ammer, 'ammer,
Till the neighbors say "God damn her."

Oh, I've got a brother Mike,
Who rides a motor bike,
He can get from here to Gower,
In a quarter of an hour.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 05:56 AM

Pioneers

Tune: Son of a Gambolier

The pioneers have hairy ears,
They piss through leather britches,
They wipe their ass with broken glass,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

When cunt is rare they fuck a bear,
(They knife him if he snitches)
They knock their cock against the rocks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

They take their ass upon the grass
From fairies or from witches
Their two-pound dinks are full of kinks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

Without remorse they fuck a horse
And beat him if he twitches'
Their mighty dicks are full of nicks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

To make a mule stand for the tool
He's beat with hickory switches;
They use their pricks for walking sticks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

Great joy they reap from bugg'ring sheep,
In sundry bogs and ditches,
Nor give a damn if he be a ram -
Those hardy sons of bitches!

When booze is rare, they do not care,
They take a shot of Fitch's,
The fuck their wives with butcher knives,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 05:58 AM

A fun playful one, I like it better than Cy,yi,yi,Yi's lymerics, by the third week everyone begins to have verses.

Poetry Song

Tune: Chorus from "The Little Brown Jug"
(Note: Sing chorus before every bad rhyme)

Chorus:
Poetry, poetry,
How do you like my poetry?
Not as mellow as Longfellow,
But it's poetry.

Verses:
Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "Hey, what happened to your cherry?"

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
who sat down beside her,
and said, "Hey, what's in the bowl bitch?"

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
That crawled up inside her,
So she beat it to death with her spoon.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kingÕs horses, and all the kingÕs men,
Has one fucking big omelet.

Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone...
But when old mother bent over...
Rover drove her, cause
Rover had a bone of his own.

There once was an old lady
That lived in a shoe,
She had so many kids that her
Cunt could stretch over a trash can.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She said "with my pension, that's all I can do"
It may be substandard, but just down the block,
I know an old lady who lives in a sock.

Little Boy Blew,
Because he needed the money.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To get her poor daughter a dress,
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter I guess.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill came down with half a crown
But not for fetching water.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
On and elephant.
Jill got down and helped
Jack off the elephant.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
for just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
and Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill,
each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Silly Jill forgot the pill
and now they have a daughter.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down on top of Jill
and now they have another daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill! Forgot that pill!
So now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With a keg of brandyv Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed
Now it's Jack, Jill and Andy

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high,
Pulled down his fly,
And Jill said,
"Where's the beef!"

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass, and grabbed her ass
And now two of his front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Both carrying a bucket.
When Jill bent down
Her ass was round
And Jack decided to fuck it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky
Jill came back
With a very sore crack
Jack must have been a Yankee

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
the fuckin' whore!

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over the candle stick
And burnt his balls.

Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
but Jill preferred the candlestick!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was as white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day,
school one day, school one day,
It followed her to school one day -
And a big black dog fucked it!

Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb.

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five-bar gate
and kicked its little cunt in.

Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
the lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
which really didn't please her.
Tonight she is having the leg of lamb,
the rest is in the freezer.

Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon.

Mary had a little watch,
she kept it in her garter.
And when the boys asked her the time,
she knew what they were after.

Mary had a little lamb;
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate;
And had a little more!

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her yard.
Every time she took her panties off,
His little wooly dick got hard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little arsehole.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynecologists surrounded.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
When Old McDonald had a farm,
The poor guy nearly died.

Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.

Little Willie, full of glee,
put radium in grandma's tea.
Now he thinks it quite a lark
to see her shining in the dark.

Little Willie with a thirst for gore
nailed his mommy's baby to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
Willie dear, don't spoil the paint.

Little Willie,
Brand new skates
Hole in ice
Pearly gates

The birds may kiss the bees goodbye,
The buttercup...the butterfly.
The morning dew may kiss the grass,
And you my friend, may kiss my ass.

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
where the deer and the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word,
after all, just what can an antelope say?

A man's occupation
is to stick his cockulation
up the woman's ventilation
to increase the population
of the coming generation

Roses are violet
Reds are blue
I'm a dyslexic
And stuff too you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I.

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I'm amnesiac,
And ...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
That's what they tell me
Because I'm blind.

Roses are red
Violets are for plucking
Girls out of high school
Are ready for college

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

Poor Little Angeline

Tune: ???

She was sweet sixteen and the village queen,
Pure and innocent was Angeline
A virgin still, never known a thrill,
Poor little Angeline.

At the village fair, the Squire was there,
Masturbating in the middle of the square,
When he chanced to see the dainty knee,
Of poor little Angeline.

Now the village Squire had a low desire,
To be the biggest bastard in the whole damn shire,
He had set is heart on the feral part
Of poor little Angeline.

As she lifted her skirt to avoid the dirt,
She slipped in the puddle of the Squires last squirt,
And his knob grew raw at the sight he saw,
Of poor little Angeline.

So he raised his hat and said, "Miss, your cat,
Has been run over and is squashed quite flat.
But my car is in the square and I'll take you there,
Oh Dear little Angeline."

Now the filthy old turd should have got the bird,
Instead she followed him without a word,
And as they drove away, you could hear them say,
Poor little Angeline.

They had not gone far when he stopped his car,
And took little Angeline into a bar,
Where he filled her with gin, just to make her sin,
Poor little Angeline.

When he'd oiled her well, he took her to a dell,
And there he gave her merry fucking hell,
And he tired his luck with a low down fuck,
On poor little Angeline.

With a cry of "Rape," he raised his cape,
Poor little Angeline had no escape.
Now it's time someone came to save the name,
Of poor little Angeline.

Now the story is told of a blacksmith bold,
Who'd loved little Angeline for years untold.
He was handsome too and he'd promised to be true,
To poor little Angeline.

But sad to say, that very same day
The blacksmith had gone to jail to stay,
For coming in his pants at the local dance
With poor little Angeline.

Now the window of his cell overlooked the dell,
Where the Squire was giving poor Angeline hell,
As she lay on the grass, he recognized the ass,
Of poor little Angeline.

Now he got such a start that he let out a fart,
Which blew the prison bars wide apart.
And he ran like shit lest the Squire should split,
His poor little Angeline.

When he got the spot and saw what was what,
He tied the villain's penis in a granny knot.
As the Squire lay on his guts he was kicked in the nuts,
By poor little Angeline.

"Oh blacksmith true, I love you, I do.
And I can tell by your trousers that you love me too,
Here I am undressed, come and do your best,"
Cried poor little Angeline.

Not it won't take long to finish this song,
For the blacksmith had a penis over one foot long,
And his phallic charm was as brawny as his arm.
Happy little Angeline.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 06:00 AM

Poor Lil (Version 1)

Tune: ???

Her name was Lil and she was a beauty,
She came from a house of ill reputy,
But she drank too deep of the demon rum,
She smoked hashish and opium.

She was young and she was fair,
She had lovely golden hair,
Gentlemen came from miles to see
Lilian in her deshabille.

Day be day her form grew thinner,
from insufficient protein in her.
She grew two hollows in her chest,
Why she had to go around completely dressed.

Now clothes may make a gal go far
But they have no place on a fille de joie,
Lillian's troubles started when
She concealed her abdomen.

She went to the house physician
To prescribe for her condition,
"you have got," the doc did say,
"Pernicious anem-i-a."

She took to treatments in the sun,
She drank of Scotts Emul-si-ion,
Three times daily she took yeast,
But still her clientele decreased.

For you must know her clientel-le
Rested chiefly on her belly,
She rilled that thing like the deep Pacific
It was something calorific.

As Lillian lay in her dishonor,
She felt the hand of the Lord upon her,
She said, "My sins I now repents,
But, Lord, that'll cost you fifty cents."

This is the story of Lillian,
She was one girl in a million,
This is the moral for her sins,
Whatever your line of business,
Fitness wins.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 06:01 AM

Poor Lil (Version 2)

Tune: Same meter as Eskimo Nell

She was the best our camp produced
And them that ain't been screwed by Lil
Ain't had no goose and never will,
For Lil's been took away.

'Twas a standing bet around our town,
That no one could screw her and clamp her down
For when she screwed, she screwed for keeps,
And piled her victims up in heaps.

But down from the north came Yukon Pete,
With sixteen pounds of rolling meat.
When he laid his cock out on the bar,
The damn thing reached from here to thar.

We all knew Lil had met her fate
But we couldn't back down that thar late,
So it was arranged down by the mil,
Back of the schoolhouse on the hill.

When all the boys could get a seat
And watch that half-breed bury his meat,
Lil started out like the Autumn breeze
Whistling through the hemlock trees.

She tried the twist and the double bunt
And all the tricks wha's known to cunt,
But Pete was with her every lick
And just kept reeling out more prick.

At last poor Lil just had to stop,
For Pete had nailed her to the spot.
Here clothes were torn and ripped to shreds,
And scatters all over the cactus beds.

The sod was ripped for miles around
Where poor Lil's ass had hit the ground
But she died game I'm here to tell,
Died with her boots on where she fell -
So what the hell boys, what the hell!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 10:11 AM

b>Keyhole Song

Tune: ???

The party ended early,
Twas only half past nine,
And by some stroke of bloody good luck,
Her room was next to mine.
And so like Christopher Columbus,
I started to explore,
I took up my position at the keyhole in the door.
Oh the keyhole, keyhole, keyhole,
The keyhole in the door.
I took up my position at the keyhole in the door.

She sat down by the fireside,
Her lily white tits to warm,
With only a nylon chemise on,
To hide her naked form.

If only she would take it off,
What man could ask for more?
By God, I saw her take it off,
Through the keyhole in the door.

Oh the keyhole, keyhole, keyhole,
The keyhole in the door.
By God, I saw her take if off,
Through the keyhole in the door.

With soft and trembling fingers,
I opened up the door,
With soft and trembling footsteps,
I crossed the bedroom floor.
And so that no other man could,
See what I'd seen before,
I stuffed that nylon chemise up,
The keyhole in the door.

Oh the keyhole, keyhole, keyhole,
The keyhole in the door.
I stuffed that nylon chemise up,
The keyhole in the door.

That night I slept in rapture,
And something else beside,
Upon her glorious bosom,
Had many a glorious ride.
That morning when I woke up,
My prick was mighty sore,
I felt as if I'd stuffed it up,
The keyhole in the door.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 10:13 AM

Perfect for the UcLa programers on your rugby team

King of the Nerds

Tune: King of the Road

Theorems to prove or not,
Differentials get me hot.
Got three advanced degrees,
I don't pay no software fees.

I work hard on my code at nights,
My system's fifty-million megabytes.
Don't have much truck with words,
'Cause I'm . . . King of the Nerds.

I know every engineer on every mainframe,
Each fileserver, and all of their names,
I know every BBS in every town,
And who to call for service when the system is down.

You know I watch Star Treck, TNG,
I follow Science Fiction Fantasy.
I read PC news for thrills,
I don't have no social skills.

Ah, but cheap beer and take-out foods,
Get me lots of geeks in party moods.
Good grooming's for the birds,
When you're King of the Nerds.

And I'm King of the Nerds.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 20 Oct 01 - 07:09 AM

Some additional verses to the original classic found here within the DT.

Cats on the Rooftops

Tune: Do Ye Ken John Peel

CHORUS:
Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles,
Cats with syphilis, cats with piles,
Cats with their assholes wreathed in smiles,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The Australian lady who, when she wants to find a mate.
Wanders 'round the desert with a feather up her date.
You should see that feather - when she meets her destined fate,
As she revels in the joys of fornication.

The labors of the poofter find but little favor here.
But the morally leprous bastard has a peaceful sleep I fear.
As he dreams he rips a red un some dirty urchin's rear,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The dainty little skylark sings a very pretty song,
He has a ponderous penis fully forty cubits long,
You should hear his high crescendo -- when his mate is on the prong,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The lady by the seaside was feeling very blue,
She saw the children at it, and she thought she'd like it too,
So she bought three bananas -- and she ate the other two,
As she reveled in the joys of fornication.

The poor old rhinoceros, so it appears,
Never gets a grind in a thousand years,
But when he does -- he makes up for arrears,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The poor old desert camel has no water for a week,
And as he doesn't drink, the poor bugger cannot leak,
So he has to hold his water -- so to speak,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Little Mary Johnson will be seventeen next July,
She's never had a naughty, but she thought she'd like to try,
So she took her daddy's walking stick and did it on the sly,
And she reveled in the joys of fornication.

When you wake up in the morning with a devil of a stand,
From the pressure of the liquid in you seminary gland,
If you haven't got a woman -- use your own fucking hand.
As you revel in the joys of fornication.

When you wake up in the morning with a surge of sexual joy,
And you wife has got the rags on, and your daughter's feeling coy,
Do you ram it up the asshole of your own darling boy?
As you revel in the joys of fornication.

The Regimental Sergeant Major leads a miserable life,
He can't afford a mistress, and he doesn't have a wife,
So he puts it up the bottom of the Regimental Fife,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The ape is small and rather slow,
Erect he stands just a foot or so,
So when he comes -- it's time to go,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The flea disports among the trees,
And there consorts with whom he please,
To fill the land with bastard fleas,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The elephant's prick is big and round,
A small one scales a thousand pounds,
Two together -- rock the ground,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The orangutan is a colorful sight,
There's a glow on its arse like a pilot light,
As he jumps and leaps -- in the night,
And revels in the joys of fornication.

The oyster is a paragon of purity,
And you can't tell a he from a she,
But he can tell -- and so can she,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The wild boar in the mud all day,
Thinks of the sows that are far, far away,
And the corkscrew motion of half a day,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Now a funny old fish is the old sperm whale,
With a funny little diddle tucked under his tail,
And he rides his missus in the teeth of a gale,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Now I met a girl and she was a rear,
And she gave me a dose of gonorrhea,
Fools rush in where angels fear,
As I reveled in the joys of fornication.

A thousand verses all in rhyme,
To stand and sing them seems a crime,
When we could better spend our time,
Reveling in the joys of fornication.

The owls in the trees and cats on the tiles,
One fucks in solitude, the other fucks in piles,
You can hear their delighted howls and shrieks for miles,
As they revels in the joys of fornication.

Poor old Mr. Bengelstein, whose morals we doubt,
He wanders round with his noodle hanging out,
And when he sees a wench it up and hits him in the snout,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Long-legged curates grind like goats,
Pale faced spinsters shag like shoats,
And the whole damn world stands by and gloats,
As they revels in the joys of fornication.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Oct 01 - 11:54 PM

Personally, I like the version in the DT much better; but here is another rendering.

Gay Caballero

Tune: ???

I am a gay young caballero,
I come from Rio de Janeiro,
I carry with me my weetrembeli,
And both of my latrabaleros.

I met a gay young señorita,
Who gave me a dose of clapita,
Right on the end of my weetrembeli,
And both of my latrabaleros.

I went to a wise surgeano,
He said, "I prescribe purgeano."
He cut off the end of my weetrembeli
And both of my latrabaleros.

And now I'm a sad Cabellero,
Returning to Rio de Janeiro.
But not, as you see, with my weetrembeli,
And both of my latrabaleros.

At night as I lie on my pillow,
Seeking to finger my willow,
All I find there is a handful of hair,
And one dried up latrabalero.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 12:01 AM

As long as John Peel is near by,in this thread, here is another to that marvelous tune. A very similar version is listed in the DT as The Finest Fucking Family however, this one is different enough to be unto its own.

My Sister Lily

Tune: Do You Ken John Peel

Oh, my little sister Lily is a whore in Picadilly,
And my mother is another in the Strand,
My father flogs his arsehole 'round the Elephant and Castle,
We're the finest fucking family in the land.

ALT:
Oh, her name is Diamond Lily,
She's a whore in Picadilly,
And her brother has a brothel in the Stand,
Her father sells his arsehole,
At the Elephant and Castle,
They're the richest fucking family in the land.

There's a man deep in a dungeon, with his hand upon his truncheon,
And the shadow of his prick upon the wall,
And the ladies as they pass, stick their hat-pins up his ass,
And the little mice play billiards with his balls.

There's a little green urinal, to the north of Waterloo,
And another a little further up,
There's a member of our school, playing tunes upon his tool,
While the passers-by put pennies in his cup.

Have you met my Uncle Hector, he's a cock and ball inspector,
At a celebrated public school,
And my brother sells French Letters, and a patent cure for wetters,
We're not the best of families, ain't it cool?

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 05:49 AM

My Sombrero

Tune: Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye

My sister Belinda, she pissed out the winda,
All over my favorite sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat, you pissed on my hat,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

Aye, aye, aye, aye, me and my soggy sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat you just pissed on my hat,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

My sister Margarita, she come all excreta,
And shit in my bessy sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat, you shit in my hat,"
She said, "I don't give a fuckero."

Aye, aye, aye, aye, me and my shitty sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat, you just shat in my hat,"
She said, "I don't give a fuckero."

My girlfriend Maria, she's got gonorrhea,
She gave it to me, amigo,
I said, "You fat twat, you gave me the clap,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

Aye, aye, aye, aye, me and my blobby dickero,
I said, "You fat twat, you just gave me the clap,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

Subject: Lyr Add: OLD TIME RELIGION (Zarathustra version)
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

A few more verses not in the DT for a song already teeming with dozens.

Gimme That Old Time Religion

Tune: Give Me That Old Time Religion

We will follow Zarathustra,
Zarathustra like we use to,
I'm a Zarathustra booster,
And he's good enough for me!

CHORUS:
Give me that old time religion,
Give me that old time religion,
Give me that old time religion,
'Cause it's good enough for me!

We will pray with the Egyptians
Build pyramids to put our crypts in
cover our subways with inscriptions
and its good enough for me

In the church of Aphrodite,
The priestess wears a see-through nightie,
She's a mighty righteous sightie,
And she's good enough for me!

I will worship my ancestors
Just like the Shinto says ter
Burning money for those dead sirs
That's good enough for me

We will pray with the Baha'i
Though we really wonder why
They put that mark before the "i"
But it's good enough for me

Smoking ganja til my throat's dry
Brings me close to Ras Taferi
Ja loves me when I get high
If I don't cut my hair

We will pray with Hare Krishna
We will play with Hare Krishna
It's not really in the Mishna
But it's good enough for me

Come'n hear of L. Ron Hubbard
Who was recently discovered
With eight novels in his cupboard
But he's good enough for me

We will pray with Jim and Tammy
In our condo in Miami
And give none to Uncle Sammy
And that's good enough for me

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 06:06 AM

If ever there was a rugby song, Drunk Last Night is it. It is in the DT. Here is another verse.

Oh what's that smell on the evenin' breeze?
It's the God-damned Dutch
Makin' Limburger cheese!
God made the Irish - he didn't make much,
But they're a helluva lot better
Than the God-damned Dutch!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 06:13 AM

A bawdy version of a classic.

Hallelujah, I'm A Bum

Tune: Bound the Glory

Oh, why don't you work like other men do?
How the hell can I work when there's no work to do?

Chorus :
Hallelujah, I'm a bum,
Hallelujah, bum again.
Hallelujah, give us a handout
To revive us again.

Springtime is here and I'm just out of jail,
The whole winter in without any tail.

I went to a house and I knocked on the door,
My cock sticking straight out, my balls on the floor.

I asked for a piece of bread and some food,
The lady said, "Bum, you will eat when I'm screwed."

When I left that lady, my cock it was sore,
My belly was full, her ass it was tore.

I went to another and I asked her for bread,
She emptied the pee-pot all over my head.

Be happy and glad for the springtime has come,
We'll throw down our shovels and go on the bum.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 12:26 AM

My One Skin Hangs Down to My Two Skin
Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

My one skin hangs down to my two skin,
My two skin hangs down to my three,
My three skin hangs down to my foreskin
My foreskin hangs down to my knee.

CHORUS:
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foreskin for me, for me.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foreskin for me.

My body lies over the ocean,
My body lies over the sea.
My father lies over my mother,
And that's how they created me.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:26 AM

My Mother-in-Law

Tune: ???

One night in gay Paree,
I paid five francs to see
A big fat French lady,
Tattooed from head to knee,
And on her jaw was a British man-o-war.
And on her back was a Union Jack,
So I paid five francs more

And running up and down her spine,
Was the BHB in line,
And on her lily-white bum
Was a picture of the Rising Sun,
And on her fanny,
Was Al Jolson singing "Mammy"
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

I loves my mother-in-law,
She's nothing but a dirty old whore,
She nags me day and night,
And I can't do shit all right,
She's coming home today,
But I hope she stays away,
Now isn't it a pity,
She's only one titty,
And she's in the family way.

Last night I greased the stairs,
Put tin-tacks on the chairs,
I hope she breaks her back
Because I do love wearing black.

She drinks all my brandy,
And makes my dog feel randy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:40 AM

My Favorite Things
Tune: A Few of My Favorite Things

MEN:
Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you've got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it's also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it's feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They're what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

WOMEN:
Dildos and vibrators and Vaseline jelly,
That's what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Men are useless,
I don't need them,
I'm the best I've had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excitedó I'm starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don't see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:51 AM

Posted originally to a MC thread in 98 by Roger Himler (aka Rodger in Baltimore) this one has not yet worked its way into the DT.

A standard with the old Smother's Brothers show of the U.S. 70's. This is a variation on their "My Old Man" Best as a pre-rehersed (over and over) set piece, where the team joins in on the chorus.

My Old Man
Tune: My Old Man

LEADER: Well, my old man is an Army Colonel.

ALL: So what do you think about that?

He wears a colonel's raincoat,
He wears a colonel's hat,
He wears a colonel's collar,
He wears a colonel's shoes,
And when he gets home on Friday night . . .

LEADER: He plays with his privates.

ALL: And some day, if I can,

I'm gonna grow up just like my old man.

VERSES:

Confectioner . . . He packs fudge.

Organ Grinder . . . He spanks his monkey.

Farmer . . . He chokes his chicken.

Butcher . . . He plays with his meat.

Navy Captain . . . He inspects his seamen.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:54 AM

Mrs. Puggy Wuggy
Tune: ???

Mrs. Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt
Not a punt cut square
Just a square cut cunt
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front
Mrs. Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt