Folkie Jokes

Subject: Folkie Jokes
From: Skipper Jack
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 04:53 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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I know we've had a "Joke Thread" on this site before.

So I thought we'll revive the tradition.

How about this for starters?

A folk singer won the lottery. When asked what he was going to do with it. He said "I'll carry on 'gigging' until the money runs out!"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: aussiebloke
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 07:49 AM

How many folkies does it take to change a light-globe?

Twenty.

One to actually do the job...
Four to sing in harmony about 'what a fine old light-globe she used to be...'
And 15 to get up and walk out because it is electric.

aussiebloke

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Hippie Chick
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 08:27 AM

How many songs must a folksinger sing.....

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Foe
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 09:06 AM

Q. How many banjo players does it take to eat a possum?

A. Two. One to eat while the other keeps watch for cars.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 09:52 AM

The difference between a pro folkie and a large pizza--the pizza can feed a family of four. When I was a boy I told my father When I grow up, I want to be a folkie. He said Son, you'll have to choose.

A folkie goes into a bar, sits down and while tuning his guitar says Next I'd like to order a traditional drink, which is a mixture of an alcoholic beverage known as scotch, together with club soda, or simply 'soda' as it's commonly called. Then he pauses, strums his guitar and sings "I'll have a scotch and soda".

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,John Hernandez
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 10:15 AM

Instant folksong:

Come all you _________,
a. fair and tender maidens
b. salt sea sailors
c. hearty miners
d. true born sons of Erin

And ________________,
a. a story I will tell
b. listen to my song
c. a tale I'll tell to you
d. the truth I will relate

About _____________,
a. a handsome laddie
b. a bold sea captain
c. our glorious union
d. the cruel oppressor

Oh, _______________.
a. you should remember well
b. both proud and strong
c. what else could we do?
d. curs-ed be his fate!


Anyone wish to continue?

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Mark Ross
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 11:55 AM

Have you heard about the Grand Prize in the Folksingers' Lottery?

It's a dollar a year for a million years!

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Don Firth
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 12:10 PM

"I knew he was a folk singer 'cause he talked for ten minutes and then sang for three."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: MAG
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 01:38 PM

Q: What do you call a folksinger whose girlfriend (or boyfriend)breaks up with him (or her)?

A: Homeless.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Abby Sale
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 05:56 PM

Hi SkipJack - You've reminded me of:

The gig was over and the club was almost deserted. The grizzled old folksinger was relaxing, having a drink, when a gorgeous redhead came through the door. She walked over to the artist, looked deeply into his eyes and said, "I heard you play earlier tonight, but after I left I just had to come back and tell you that you touched my soul. Every note you sang or played reached me in a personal and emotional way that I haven't felt in years. I want," she purred, "to take you home with me, cook for you, pamper you and make love to you until we're both exhausted."
The folksinger met her gaze, then asked, "Did you catch the first or second set?"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Lynn
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 07:14 PM

A banjo player was driving the interstate, en route to his next gig. He stopped at a rest stop to use the facilities. Half way there he remembered that he'd left his banjo lying on the back seat with the doors unlocked. He ran back to the car, only to find he was too late...someone had already broken his back window and tossed in two more banjos.

That's a variation on a zucchini joke.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Aug 02 - 09:04 PM

The zucchini joke I heard though claimed it happened in North Dakota. As we all know, "it can't happen here"!

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Genie
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 01:57 AM

Good 'uns, folks. Keep 'em coming!

Genie

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 03:48 AM

A folkie wins the lottery. He and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table discussing their good fortune when she says, "What are we going to do about all the begging letters?" And he replies, "keep sending them!"

Seamus

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Master M'Grath
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 04:29 AM

What do you call a hundred accordions at the bottom of the atlantic???

A Good start.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Skipper Jack
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 06:04 AM

A fellow took his parrot on its perch to the folk club and proudly boasted that if you pulled the bird's right leg it would sing "A Childe Ballad" from beginning to end. If you pulled its left leg it would sing "The Death of Nelson"

Sure enough the parrot did exactly that!

Then some smart-arse in the audience said what happens if you pulled both of its legs at the same time?

The parrot quickly replied "I'd fall off my perch, you idiot".

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 09:17 AM

The difference between an accordion and a trampoline--you take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

the difference between a folkie and a frog--better odds the frog has a gig.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 12:39 PM

difference between a bhodran and an onion. no one cries when you cut a bhodran.

an accordianist and a bhodran player fall off the empire state building who hits the ground first. who cares.

what is the difference between a gentleman and an accordianist. the gentleman knows the meaning of the words NO. Dont and Stop.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Big Daddy
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 02:38 PM

What do you call a folkie who has a cell phone and a pager?

An optimist.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: alanabit
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 02:40 PM

Exactly. A gentleman is a man who can play an accordian - and doesn't.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: wilco
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 05:23 PM

What is perfect pitch on a banjo? When it hits dead center in the dumpster!

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 13 Aug 02 - 06:15 PM

ROTFLMAO - I love these.

How many sound techs does it take to change a lightbulb? (a) 1-2-1-2-1-2 or (b) none. its not sound, its electrical.

Who is a folkie with a college degree? Manager at Pizza Hut.

What do you call at drummer who uses the rhythm method? Daddy

A man goes into a pawnshop in Chinatown and sees a golden rat on a shelf. He asks the price and is told "$25 or $100 with the story". He says "For $75 you can keep the story" and buys the statue. He walks out and soon becomes aware of a faint scurrying sound behind him. As it starts to get louder he looks over his shoulder to see five and then ten and soon every rat in the city following him. The faster he runs the faster they chase and soon, in desperation, he throws the statue off of Fisherman's Wharf. The rats all follow it into the water and drown. THe man returns to the pawnshop and the proprieter say's " I bet you're here to pay me for the story now". The man replies "No, I'd like to buy that golden accordian"!

Dictionary of Musical Terms JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes. BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning. WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once. OPERA : People singing when they should be talking. RAP : People talking when they should be singing. CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad. FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century. BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer. HEAVY METAL : Codpiece and chaps HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.

What's the difference between a banjo jam session and a train wreck? There are usually survivors in a train wreck.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Genie
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 01:49 AM

Q: What do you call someone who plays folk music 40 hours a week?

A: unemployed

Q: What does it say on a blues player's tombstone?

A: I didn't wake up this morning.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Nobby
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 12:04 PM

The difference between a drum machine and a bhodran player is that you only have to punch in the rhythm once into a drum machine.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Les B.
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 12:08 PM

This guy backs a truck up to the rim of the Grand Canyon, opens it up and starts pulling out tamborines, punching a hole in the head, and kicking them over the side. A park ranger comes up and inquires as to what he's doing. He replies, "Getting rid of these banjo eggs before they hatch!"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: wilco
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 02:09 PM

What did the college graduate with a music degree say to the graduates with the accounting and engineering degrees? Do you want fires with that?

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Big Mick
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 02:15 PM

How do you get a banjo player off the porch?

Pay for the pizza.

How do you get a banjo player out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Genie
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 03:52 PM

wilco, I think that's "Do you want fries with that?" *G*

Q: What will you never hear anyone say in the parking lot outside a music establishment?

A: "That's the Banjo player's Mercedes."

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,TJ - banjo player
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 06:42 AM

Tired of pathetic jokes and tirades against bodhran players our bodhran player decides to learn another instrument. Our bodhran player goes into a music shop and has a good look around trying to decide which instrument to learn. Finally, a decision is made and the music shop assistant is summoned. "I want to buy this one please" "Are you bodhran player by any chance?" "Why yes. Remarkable! How did you know that?" "That's a radiator sir (madam!)"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Memphis Mud
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 08:49 AM

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Memphis Mud
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 08:50 AM

A folkie walks into a bar...and says "ouch"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 10:14 AM

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To record with the Chieftains.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 10:31 AM

I know a fella here in Kentucky who, when he gave up the banjo, immediately knew he kud rede reel gud.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 10:46 AM

The folkie finishes his set, sets his guitar on the stand and steps down to the bar to wet his whistle. And there is an attractive, well-dressed woman sitting at a table near the bar all alone.
   Waiting for his beer, he nods at her and grins, "Hi there. Did you enjoy the music?"
   She turns to him with a matter-of-fact look and states flatly, "I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, any place… It doesn't matter to me."
   The folkie answers, "Really? And what law firm do you work for?"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Larkin
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 10:57 AM

A guy goes into a pub and orders a drink and says to the landlord -I've just heard the best banjo player joke. Before you start says the landlord , who's a really big bloke, I should warn
you that I'm a banjo player and also an all-in wrestler and those two huge guys sitting at the end of the bar are my brothers and they are also banjo players, so do you still want to tell your joke? No says the guy , I don't want to have to explain it three times.

Martin

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 11:49 AM

How can you tell the stage is level at a folk festival?

The drool is coming out of both sides of the banjo player's mouth.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 12:19 PM

After a long and impoverished life, a folk singer dies. Due to a few improprieties early on, he finds himself standing next to the devil just inside the gates of Hell.

"Oh great!" says the devil, "You're here! Everyone's been waiting for you."

The devil picks up the folksinger's guitar case and leads him over to a stage, where a large band is tuning up. There's one available chair. He sits down quickly, takes out his guitar, and begins to tune. As he does this, he looks around.

Next to him is sitting Leadbelly. Merle Watson is on the next chair down, and at the end of the row is Bill Monroe. He glances on the other side -- and there's Ewan MacColl, Tony Rose, and Derek Bell.

"Wow! This is absolutely amazing!" he exclaims. "This is the best jam session I've ever seen -- are you sure this is Hell?"

The devil just points to the bandleader's podium, where Lawrence Welk is standing, waving his baton and saying "And a one, and a two, and a 'Tie a yellow ribbon . . .'"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Jan 03 - 11:42 AM

Ok, so it is bodhran jokes is it?

What is the difference between a 'hranner and the stool he is sitting on? Well the stool is only supporting one asshole.

And there is the similarly structured gynaecoligist/drummer joke - you can work out the punchline.

So why no egg-shakerist jokes?

How many Folkies to change a light bulb? How many answers do you want?
Well only two standing until the new PEL law is passed and then fewer and fewer. Except in Scotland. And anyway it is almost impossible with one finger in your ear.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Sabine
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 05:37 AM

What is the best sound a banjo can make?

"splash"

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Clean Supper
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 06:04 AM

How do you know when there's a folksinger at the door?
They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Banjoman
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 08:11 AM

What's the difference between a Melodeon and a Foot Spa ?

Answer - A foot spa bucks up the feet.

A melodeon player goes to a John KirkPatrick Concert. John is taken ill and our melodeon player offers to stand in. After the concert, he goes to John's dressing room and says how he felt a bit inadequate stepping into such famous shoes. "I,m a bit like that bit of cardboard stuck in as a temporary substitute over that broken window" he says pointing to the window frame. No you wern't says John you were no substitute, you were a real pa(i)n(e)

What do you call a 50 seater coach full of melodeon players, except for one empty seat, going over the cliff at Beachey Head ?

Answer - a waste of space.

If you find a melodeon player half buried in sand, what should you do?

Answer - get some more sand.

The melodeon is the last refuge of the musically incompetent.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: GUEST,Taunus
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 08:42 AM

A guerilla group hijacks a bus full of banjo players. After the authorities are summoned the leader of the hijackers makes his claim: "if we don't get a million dollars in exactly one hour, we'll start to release one hostage every fifteen minutes..."

Taunus.

Subject: RE: Folkie Jokes
From: Dexter
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 12:25 PM

What's the difference between a folkie and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy will stop whining.

Have you heard about those new Oppernockney guitars?
They tune them at the factory and then weld them because,
"Oppernockney tunes but once".