BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail

Subject: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:55 AM

it was a bright and lonely day. everyone was at the Jamberoo Folk festival, except for Magenta.

She brooded in her darkened room, waiting for that killer sun and those blue skies to be swept to the other side of reality. She waited for the night.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:16 AM

She had been listening to the Loved Ones, playing all afternoon, again and again, obsessively, on her creaky tape recorder. The best damn rock band in all Australiasia, and no CD.

She had shocking insomnia, brought on by her recent trip to the UK. Jetlag. That Leadfingers was so nifty, she could have put him in her suitcase and brought hoim back. But no such luck, Simon had dragged her from one airport to another, while he checked out each lounge room for hippies.

And now she lay, back in the Sunburnt Country, having developed some strange allergy to sunlight. And, after years as a vegetarian, she found herself craving...... red meat, raw, and juicy.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,natasha smasher
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:21 AM

..and thinking of that man, man miles away, with the dark eyes, the swept back black hair, and the harmonica in his pocket.

The walls of her bedroom were painted a bruising purple, her ceiling and doors a bold watermelon pink, and through the filmy violet netting that laced down from her window, she could see the leaves of trees, and bits of blue sky. She quickly pulled the pink velvet curtains across, cutting off all sight of the sky.

She was alone, alone and aching.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:30 AM

....aching from that damned airline seat. She had practised yoga many eons ago, but it wasnt enough to help her make it through the trip. She had ended up winding herself around simon, with her legs over the seat behind them. all through the night, she had fancied that someone in the next seat was watching her. what a stupid thing to think, she was tired and just needed to get home.

Was it a dream, when she was embarking at Sydney airport, when she saw a tall, stately man in a black cloak, calling a cab?

Simon's landrover had clocked up a huge parking ticket while they were away. Luckily his car was registered under the name, John Howard, former Prime Minister of Australia. No wonder the ticket was so huge, John Howard could no longer show his face in the country, since the Human Rights Tribunal.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 12:06 AM

Meanwhile, Chongo Chimp was sitting morosely at his desk in the 3rd floor walk-up on State Street in downtown Chicago. He was in the kind of mood that only a private dick can fully appreciate at the end of a month with far too few clients. In front of him lay an almost empty whisky bottle, an ashtray full of butts, and a small pile of unpaid bills.

"My life is like an old, cast-off banana peel," thought Chongo. "I could just as well be layin' drunk in some gutter. I wish I was in some swanky joint with good music and a dame with legs from here to Everest..."

That got him thinking about Magenta, and his recent trip to London, England. That had been a caper to remember. "You don't meet a dame like that every day," he sighed. "Most dames around here have their noses so far up in the air that it's a danger to low flyin' aircraft."

Chongo picked up the gorilla bank on the desk and shook it. The sound of a few coins jingled. The bank had been made by some unknown Chinaman in a sweat shop somewhere and was a good likeness of a jungle gorilla except for the lips, which were garish, like they'd been done up with red lipstick. Very unrealistic.

"Sounds to me like there's at least five bucks in here," said Chongo. "Hey! Gorilla! Cough it up!" He shook the bank furiously, turning it upsidedown. No coins came forth. He shook it harder. Still no coins. Muttering irritably Chongo got out a paper clip and fished in the coin slot with it for a bit. Still no coins. "Dammit!" he yelled. He glowered at the gorilla and the gorilla glowered back.

"You think you're gonna win, but you ain't," growled Chongo. He resumed shaking the bank and fishing around with the paper clip. Still no coins.

"Okay then, sucker..." Chongo pitched the bank hard against the wall...hard. It bounced back off the wall, ricocheted off Chongo's head, and rolled under the desk.

"OUCH! SHIT!!!" yelled Chongo. "Come back here, you foreflusher!" He dove under the desk and fumbled around, getting some dust bunnies up his sensitive nostrils. "Kong DAMN it!" he spluttered. "Where are you?" Finally he located the bank, but bumped his head painfully on the underside of the oak desk. He emerged, clutching the gorilla tightly and grinding his teeth.

"You are gonna fork over the mazuma NOW or you are gonna be sorry...real sorry." Chongo put the gorilla bank down on the desk, went to the utility room and got a hammer. A large hammer. He proceeded to attack the gorilla bank savagely, but despite a series of blows it refused to break.

"What in the freakin' Kong are you made out of anyway? I know you ain't made of steel. Must be freakin' ebony!" Chongo steadied the gorilla bank with one large paw and aimed a killing blow at its pointy little head. The hammer carombed sideways off the gorilla's shiny skull and descended into Chongo's left thumb with agonizing force.

"EEEEEEEEEEE-YYYYYYAAAAAAUUUGHHH!" shrieked Chongo. "Kreegah! AARGHHH!" He capered around the room frantically, uttering incoherent howls of pain and clutching his throbbing thumb. The Gorilla Bank regarded him contemptuously from its position on the desk.

That was it. With a cry of "Bundolo!" Chongo whipped out his .44 special and emptied its chambers into the gorilla's sneering face. The first shot nailed the gorilla between the eyes and knocked it backwards. The next shot made a little hole in the desk. The third shot took a chunk out of the gorilla's belly. The fourth shot drove the gorilla across the room and the fifth made a hole in a framed photo of Primo Carnera, signed "To my best pal, Chongo...live fast, hit hard, and die young while you still make a good lookin' corpse!" The sixth shot nailed the gorilla dead center and blew its face to smithereens.

"There, you bastard!" panted Chongo. "That'll learn ya to hold out on the boss ape." He put down the .44 and picked out what remained of the gorilla bank. Five coins fell out. There was a Buffalo nickel, 2 pennies, a half dollar...and a twenty dollar gold piece!

"Glory be..." breathed Chongo. "At least ya didn't die in vain, you ugly mango picker." He scooped up the coins, looking gratefully at the silver dollar.

"I believe it's time for a drink," said Chongo, "and I am goin' out to have one right now. Too bad you can't come."

Chongo put on his fedora and trenchcoat, carefully reloaded the .44 and opened the door. He paused in the threshold. There was a little crowd of human residents of the building and a uniformed baboon from UPS gathered in the hallway, hanging back at a respectful distance. Their faces showed a mixture of fear and keen curiosity.

"Oh, fer Kong's sake..." said Chongo irritably, "there ain't nothin' to look at here, so move on. Disperse. Dangle. Drift. Make like a horn player and blow."

"I expect this place to be cleaned up when I get back," he said sarcastically over his shoulder to the shattered gorilla bank. Then he shut the door, locked it, and walked out without a backward glance, leaving his neighbours chattering among themselves like a bunch of birds on a clothesline.

The baboon pursued him down to the street. "Are you Chongo Chimp?" he asked.

"What if I was?"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Huh? Well...yeah, sure, kid. You got something to write on?"

The baboon produced a pad and pen.

"What's yer name?"

"Benny," said the baboon. "Botswana Benny, that's what they call me."

Chongo autographed the pad, making sure to spell 'Botswana Benny' correctly, and the baboon took it gratefully. "You took on the North Side Gorillas once, didn't you?" he asked.

"Twice." said Chongo. "I seem to have a talent for gettin' in disagreements with gorillas."

"I heard you personally gunned down five gorilla goons on the steps of the North Sider's clubhouse and put the finger on Fat Freddy from Florida."

"You hear a lotta things," said Chongo. "Fat Freddy had his good points and his bad points, but he was one hell of a boxer. Look, kid, I got a date with a tall, cool customer that I can't keep waitin' much longer, so..."

"Sure, Mr Chongo," said the baboon. "Hey, but I got a parcel for you..."

"Huh?" Chongo took the parcel. It was about the size of a Chicago phonebook, but not as heavy. "Do I gotta sign for it? Yeah...okay. Hmmm. Who's it from. 'A. Phrend', Melbourne, Australia.' Who the hell is 'A. Phrend'? Well, we'll see. Thanks, kid."

"Thank you, Mr Chongo," replied the baboon enthusiastically, and he scampered off happily with his autograph.

Chongo headed across the street to Duffy's Bar. He would open the package there and find out just who "A. Phrend" might be. But first...that drink.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 03:41 PM

Jennyo and JennieG were hanging out. There was Jacko Kevins, entrancing the crowd with "4 Little Johnny Cakes" on his singing concertina, while Bob McGuinness fiddled along on his violin. Bob, with his long long legs, his impish eyes and his kilt, was like an elongated elf, with greying beard, whose and hands and violin, spent so long together, had grown into each other, lithe twisting branches of old music made warm anew in the session tent.

Jennyo remembered Magenta talking about the days she had danced to Bob's fiddle in the old Yarralumla Woolshed, doing the Pride of Erin with the lads. Where were they all now? Bright of eye and red of nose, sipping guinnesses in the tent at Jamberoo.

But where was Magenta? Jennyo wondered, Magenta had been acting a little strange recently. Rhymin Simon was complaining, she was becoming a handful.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:32 PM

Magenta's cat Morgana was dive bombing her from the top of the cupboard. With legs flayed, she crashed onto Magenta's head, fluffy tummy first. Magenta and Morgana growled in unison.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:43 PM

JennieG started. Her big brown eyes widened as she looked across the tent. That man in the corner. Gothic, pasty faced but with a certain spooky something. She shivered, it reminded her...










Are you all right love? said Himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 10:29 PM

Vladimir was impatient. Where was she? he has undergone 22 hours in a torturous airplane seat, right behind her, his nostrils flaring all through the night, as she dangling her tasty feet in his face. here he was in a smelly tent, surrounded by the unwashed masses, and she was nowhere in sight.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 10:32 PM

oops.. as she danglED her tasty feet in his face!!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 11:05 PM

There's a certain chaotic nature to these vampire tales that eludes normal parameters, isn't there?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 11:13 PM

yes, the chaos theory reigns, with bat wings on!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 10:48 AM

Queuing up outside the men's toilets, Vlad was twitching with fury. He had taken a bus trip, bought a ticket, and was sleeping in a poor excuse for a hotel, all for nothing.

After performing his ablutions, he decided to head back to the Erko Hotel. No more buses for him, he silently wandered to the back of the main tent, and while those uncouth bearded yobbos inside were knees-upping to some strange harmonica jig, he silently unfolded his cloak, lifted his chin, unfurled two huge bat wings, and flew off into the night.

JenniG shuddered. She was going for a moonlit stroll with Himself. Their warm hands fitting around about each other, his kind crinkling eyes beaming down at her. But from the corner of her eye she saw...


a huge bird, stately and dark, flapping its mighty wings as its shadow drifted past the waning moon...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amarillo Millie
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 05:53 PM

Keeping to the shadows as much as I could, I tailed Chongo, a curiously large chimp, after he left the fawnng baboon. After the ruckus we had overheard coming from his room, complete with bangings and bullets, there was no way I was going to get close enough to him to be espied. Chongo had a nasty temper, no doubt about it, but this was the first time he had gone this far over the top. Who knew how much more he was capable of.

He shambled- there's no other word for it - down the street about a block ahead of me, apparently in as straight a line as his gait could manage. Given my orders, one last time, to discover where the chimp got to each day about this time, I made sure he didn't disappear from my line of sight.

Chicago the Dirty, was even more unkempt today than usual. The streets and sidewalks were mostly bare but every corner, every wall, every alley, was packed with blown debris. A wilted refrigerator carton huddled against a listing railing. Inside the box, as I passed, I saw a shoe attached to what appeared to be a human leg. My spine crawled. No way was I going to investigate whether the body was alive.

Ahead of me, Chongo, the Chimp, halted. He looked back. I shrank against the wall.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 06:17 PM

She draped herself in her indigo silk dress, and threw on her fine purple paisley shawl. Her raven black hair cascaded down past her hips, fine flowers of carmine threaded through the flowing locks. It was evening, dark enough, and Magenta walked out the gate and up the road to the Erko Hotel. Thursday night, she walked up the battered back steps of the pub, went to the bar and ordered a double Cointreau on ice. Through the crowd she saw daubs of red and black, and heard the throb throb throb of "Bella Caio".

Magenta went out the back, the black tables were shiny with years of petrol smog and greasy fingermarks. Here were her mates, tipsy as usual, arguing about the state of the world and bolting down VBs. They were fresh from a gig at the Korean Worker's Club - where they had exchanged hearty songs for a few cheers.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 08:46 PM

Chongo had had that funny feeling for a moment...like the feeling you get in the jungle when you know something else is watching you. He looked around, but didn't see anything unusual, just the ragman making his way down the street and a capuchin hawking oranges to passersby.

"Hmmm." Chongo shrugged and headed in through the front door of Duffy's. The usual crowd was there...working class white men and their girlfriends, black jazz musicians and their girlfriends, bonobos, howlers, macaques...Duffy's was a joint that catered enthusiastically to all customers, both humans and primates, which made it a favorite haunt for Chongo. It was a regular league of nations at Duffy's.

"Hey, Chongo!" It was Ronson, the beat cop from the 12th precinct, off-duty at the moment. He was looking a little flushed, obviously enjoying himself after having a few. Chongo drifted over to his table and sat down. Ronson had two friends with him Chongo had not seen before. Probably cops as well.

Ronson was in an affable mood. "Lemme introduce my cousin, Frank, and Detective Morgan from Washington. We just call him 'Morgue' for short. Get it?" Ronson laughed heartily. Chongo extended his sizeable paw and shook hands with the cousin and the detective. The latter was a tall guy with thin lips that looked like they had last cracked a smile in 1929.

"I've heard of you," he said to Chongo. He said it like he didn't particularly give a damn.

"I ain't heard of you," said Chongo, "but you've got a good nickname. 'Morgue'. I like it. You oughta love this town."

"Yeah," said Morgan cooly. "I love it already. I might even move here if Washington gets hit by an H-bomb and the West Coast vanishes into the sea." (You could've used his eyes for ice cubes if you ran short of the real things.)

Chongo grinned. He wasn't about to get mad over putdowns of his fair city. Not tonight when he had a $20 gold piece in his pocket.

"So what brings you to the Windy City, Morgue?"

"If I thought that was your business I guess I'd tell you," replied Morgan, apparently determined to be unfriendly. Maybe the bastard didn't like chimps. Maybe he was just a bastard, period?

"Hey! Morgue. I told you this was my pal," interjected Ronson. "Relax...let's have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves. Morgan's here on a special assignment, Chongo. Hush, hush, you know..."

Chongo shrugged. "Sure. I understand. No sweat." He ordered a scotch and soda, and leaned back to enjoy a smoke. Ronson proceeded to tell Chongo the latest news off the street, which was per usual, unremarkable, the common tales of random acts of violence, contraband shipments, petty theft, grand theft auto, and all the other merry antisocial acts that keep a cop employed and off the bread lines.

("What would Ronson ever do if everybody suddenly decided to be a good citizen and obey the law," wondered Chongo silently. "Hell...what would I do? I'd be out of a freakin' job." It was an odd thing to contemplate.)

Fortunately though, given the general level of human and primate maturity in the general Chicago area there was no chance of that. Utterly no chance whatsoever.

Eventually the chitchat got around to Chongo's lack of paying work. By this time even Detective Morgan had warmed up a bit, possibly with the aid of the whisky he'd been drinking. "Y'know," he said, "I've got a job that only a fool or a romantic would want to take on. Maybe you'd be interested."

"Oh yeah?" said Chongo. "So who you got me pegged for, Morgan?"    A fool or a romantic? Never mind, it don't matter. What's the job?"

Morgan smirked in a humorless fashion. "Some guy named Fresnelli has a problem with a bloodsucker, so he says..."

The hair rose on the back of Chongo's neck. He listened closer.

"You mean a loan shark?" said Ronson's cousin, noisily. He had definitely had a few too many.

"Not exactly," said Morgan. "Try again."

"A dishonest lawyer," said Ronson, his face now quite red with drink.

"Not that either," said Morgan. He gazed at Chongo with cold ice-blue eyes. "I wanna hear your guess, shamus."

Chongo put down his drink carefully on the table and made a little tent with his paws. "A bloodsucker, you say?"

"Yeah."

"One that only goes out at night?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Call it a hunch. Does this bloodsucker's blood run colder than yours or mine...well mine, anway...and does he get refills at the local blood bank when there ain't enough of the live stuff handy in the form of good lookin' dames?"

"What....?" interjected Ronson, looking startled and befuddled.

Morgan's eyes burned into Chongo's. "That's if you believe Mr Fresnelli. That's if you're enough of a sap to believe a story like that. I ain't. I told him to go take a long hike off a short dock and not waste my time."

Morgan lit up another cigarette with a contemptuous gesture and drained what was left of his last drink. "Like I said, if you want the job, it's yours. I got real work to do."

"Matter of fact, I do want it," responded Chongo. "You got a number for Fresnelli?"

Morgan smiled his unpleasant smile, and got out a card. "I figured you'd go for it. You must really be desperate for cash...or else you ARE a romantic."

"Naw," said Chongo. "I'm a fool, remember? Besides, I told that bloodsucking bastard never to set foot in this city..." (Morgan eyed Chongo curiously, but Chongo was not about to elaborate on the matter. Morgan could just wonder all he wanted about it.) He took the card and studied it carefully.

Vito Fresnelli, 17 Spartan Boulevard, and a Chicago phone number. Good enough.

"Gentlemen," said Chongo, getting to his feet without haste, "it's been a pleasure." He grinned. "I ain't had so much fun since the pipes busted last January in that cold snap. Morgue, I hope Chicago gives you exactly what you are worth, cos you are the kind of man who deserves to get...exactly what he is worth." That drew a sharp look from Morgan. He was not stupid. Chongo just grinned at them, doffed his fedora and walked out.

When he reached the street it occurred to him that he had still not opened the mysterious UPS package. What the hell...he would open it later, back at his office...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 11:34 PM

I got that funny feeling again, goin' back to the office. Somethin' was definitely not right. But what was it? Well, who knows...

I got back to the office. The pieces of the gorilla bank were still lyin' around. The bum hadn't cleaned up the place like I told him to. Gorillas. You can't tell 'em nothin' about nothin'. I got the whisk broom and dust pan and consigned his remains to the garbage. Whoever the Chinaman was who built the damned thing, he shoulda got a medal for his construction expertise. He oughta get a job at Fort Knox, with his talents.

I put the package from Australia on the desk. I'd sniffed it, and I didn't smell anything that smelled like explosives or nothin' like that. So far so good. It was fairly heavy and it didn't rattle. Hmmm. Well, I opened it up...real careful...this could be a "present" from Pago. Pago is an enforcer for the North Side Gorillas and he don't like me for some reason. The feeling is mutual...only I know exactly why I don't like him.

I got one side of the package open, and what do I see? A statue. A statue in some kind of hard, black material. It's a statue of a woman, wearing a long gown which is parted somewhat to show her legs. Nice gams. I notice she's wearin' a short cape, and she has full lips, slightly parted, as if in surprise. Her eyes look real surprised too, like she just seen a ghost. Most of all, I notice she has the likeness of a wooden stake driven right through her chest. That accounts for the surprised look. One more thing. She has the face of Magenta!

Well, my blood ran cold when I seen that, I can tell you. This was either a warning from "A. Phrend" or it was a threat...or a taunt. Someone was messin' with my mind. I still had feelings for Magenta, even if she wasn't exactly human, bein' what they call "undead", and some sick bozo who knew that was messin' with my mind! I had a feeling I knew which sick bozo it was. A tall, dark one that needed some dental work done to fix a bad overbite.

How did this connect with Vito Fresnelli at 17 Spartan Boulevard in Chicago? I didn't know if it even did, but I was gonna find out. I got out the card that cold-eyed bastard, "Morgue" had given me and dialed Fresnelli's number. It rang 27 times and I hung up. I would try again in the morning...or I'd go out there to Spartan Boulevard and take a look around. And when I did, the tommy gun was goin' with me.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amarillo Millie
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 12:04 AM

By the time I got to my room (ha! right.) tonight, I was exhausted. My bosses were not happy with my report and I had a bit of a bruise below my ear to show for it. Tomorrow I'd go again.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 26 Sep 04 - 10:29 AM

The pub doors were about to close. Magenta knew that home was just a few steps away, but she was twitchin' for some action. Simon would be up the road, she and Jennyo decided to take a peek at Newtown. They strolled through the park at the end of the street, and crossed the bridge over the train track, leading up to the old Post Office on the corner of Erko Road and King St.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Sep 04 - 11:28 AM

JennyO wanted to get Magenta on her own, to find out what was going on. Since coming back from Jamberoo, she had noticed an air of strangeness about Magenta - or rather, even more strangeness than usual. And it did seem that Magenta was taking more than a normal interest in the remains of her rare steak. It was usually Miguel who would devour the leftovers, but this time, Magenta had begged for a little bite. Others in the choir had noticed too - Magenta was well known as a vegetarian.

As they walked up the road towards King Street, JennyO was reminded of the time last year when she was hurtling down the main street of Newtown in her car, pointing out the sights to Naemanson, and singing a little local song. She started to sing it now - it seemed apt....

I scored my drugs - at the Bank Hotel
Saw a ba-a-nd at the Sandringham,
I snorted speed off a toilet seat
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

Dogs are cra-a-pping on the street
Queens are prow-ling on their beat,
Springs a dyke, on a motor bike
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

I had a wank, down at the Hub...(remember Magenta, I don't think he knew what a wank was!!)
Had a lashhh, at the Hellfire Club,
I played some tuunes, at the Carlisle Pub...(pity they don't have those sessions at the Carlisle anymore)
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

Gonna shave my head, gonna pierth my thongue,
Get a celtic cross - tatooed on my bum
Gonna shoot some smack, gonna dress in black,
In dirty Newtowwwnnn, dirty Newtowwwnn,
In dirty Newtowwwnnn, dirty Newtowwwnn.

"My kids get embarrassed when I break into song, but they aren't here now, are they - hey!" she chortled.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Sep 04 - 11:24 AM

They came to the spot on the bridge that was always filled with a huge pool of water when it rained. On a bad night, you could get completely drenched as cars swept through the water. The street was patched and repaired with different shades of tar and cement. Magenta listened as Jenny's voice echoed across the empty road. Her voice was comforting, familiar, as she sang about all their old haunts.

But Magenta still had that strange feeling that she'd had on the plane.. It felt like someone, or something, was following them up the street. Magenta looked back, and thought she saw a shadow, or was it? Bats were screeching in the fig trees, swinging from branch to branch on the trees in the park. And there was her cat, Morgana, walking along behind them. As Magenta and Jenny crossed the main street, Morgana sat and waited.

Somehow, with everything that had happened at the Black Lion, Magenta felt, well, unnerved, different, almost as if something, or someone, had taken over her will. That gothic scream queen Vladimir had somehow violated her peace. Would she ever find happiness again?

Her thoughts lingered on the fig trees, and somehow she found herself thinking of Chongo, his big kind heart, and his huge, strong hands. Magenta felt, if she could just bury herself in his huge arms, and nestle her cheek against his broad chest, somehow, everything would be alright.

And quietly, behind them, as Jenny's voice echoed around the dreary streets, a shadow slipped back into a doorway, watching.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Sep 04 - 11:42 AM

Monday morning. It was raining in Chicago. A slow, dirty, omnipresent rain that would probably continue for the rest of the day. Perfect for a Monday.

Chongo got up and made some coffee. Very strong. He ruefully contemplated the bullet hole in his desk that had resulted from his fit of temper over the gorilla bank whose fragments now lay in the dustbin.

"I'm an idiot," he said to himself. "A jerk. I oughta be hung out to dry like an old banana peel."

He sipped coffee for awhile and thought about the young baboon who had asked for his autograph the other day. "Poor kid. He doesn't know his idol is a jerk who runs out of money cos of his own bad spending habits and then blames a 'piggy bank' for his problems."

Meanwhile Magenta was clearly in danger. Great danger. And she was most likely in Australia while Chongo was in Chicago, Illinois with $16 to his name and a tip about someone called Vito Fresnelli.

Well, first things first. It was time to get the train back on the tracks and rolling. Chongo finished his coffee, and dialed Vito Fresnelli's number again. Still no answer. Okay, then. Time to pay a visit to 17 Spartan Boulevard. He slipped into his working trenchcoat, picked up the violin case that contained the Thompson submachine gun, and headed out into the wet and gritty streets of the Windy City.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 09:30 AM

Magenta and Jenny turned left at the post office. They wandered down the old end of King st, past the Afghan carpet shop, past the school, the hall, the cafes and the Indian spice shop, which had fluorescent saris hanging outside it by day, and was the only place nearby where you could buy canned gulab jamens.

"What's she looking at now?", thought JennyO. Magenta was staring into a shop window. JennyO pressed her nose against the glass. It was set up like an arabian harem - dozens of belly dancing costumes, glittering with full skirts, tiny embroidered tops and little golden coins dangling here and there. And in the shop next door were dummies wearing stuidded leather jackets, pants and dog collars. Good old Newtown, it was impossible to get bored here.

Suddenly, Magenta's skin prickled all over. A familar gloved hand was touching her shoulder. JennyO looked around, and gasped in shock! "Not you again, what the hell are you doing in Newtown? Got kicked out of The Stafford hotel, didya?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 08:45 PM

Spartan Boulevard turned out to be an upscale suburban street on the west side of town, in a street that was down in a little ravine and had plenty of trees. Not bad, even though it was wet and gloomy on this occasion. # 17 was a grey bungalow in good shape. The mailbox had several days worth of mail still in it. Chongo rang the doorbell several times and got no answer. He thought about it some and walked around to the back and knocked there. No answer. Time to take a look inside. A chimp can always climb up on the roof and enter by way of the chimney if it's large enough, but why do that when you can jimmy open a window somewhere and keep your clothes clean (if not dry)? It was only the work of a minute to find a kitchen window that opened and clamber in. The kitchen was fairly much in order except that someone had spilled a drink on the table, and it had run over on the floor and not been cleaned up. The same someone had not finished his meal, ham and eggs. That had happened at least a couple of days ago, by the look of it. The eggs were starting to smell. Something else was not smelling too good either, and Chongo had a good idea what it was.

He found it in the living room. There was a stiff hanging from the chandelier by his tie. It was a man, his face contorted and horribly pale. He was as dead as Herbert Hoover's chances of being re-elected to the Presidency. Upon closer examination Chongo saw that the guy had two deep bite marks on the right side of his neck. And his wrists were heavily bruised. He appeared to have put up a desperate struggle against a much stronger opponent.

"No wonder ya look so pale," growled Chongo. "I bet there ain't a teacupfull of blood left in yer veins."

Chongo fished the guy's wallet out of his pocket and checked the I.D. Vito Alfonso Fresnelli. Age: 39. Color of eyes: brown.

"I guess I ain't gettin' no useful information from you now, eh, Vito?" said Chongo. "Well, let's see what else we got here."

The wallet yielded a couple of gambling stubs, a condom, a membership card from the Loyal Order of Lampreys, and a hundred and fifty dollars.

"That's odd," commented Chongo. "Well, I guess vampires don't really need cash all that bad. Must be nice not havin' to worry about that...look, Vito," he went on, "I know you don't need this $150 no more, and I am short of dough at the moment. I hope you won't take no offense if I make use of this. Look, if you got any objection, just speak up."

Vito said nothing, so Chongo pocketed the cash. He comforted himself with the thought that this $150 would help him track down the undead creep who had done in Mr Fresnelli.

The next thing Chongo noticed was a gun lying on the floor. It turned out to have been discharged recently, all six chambers. Chongo could smell the fresh powder. He also found out where the spent rounds had gone. Two of them were in the wall out in the hallway and one more was buried in the doorframe. The other three had made a pattern of holes close together in the living room wall. Chongo could tell right about where the target of those rounds must have been standing, and it looked to him like all three shots had been aimed right about heart level for a tall man.

Vito had emptied his gun at his killer, and Chongo figured the killer in question had just stood there and laughed. Vampires aren't bothered by bullets. Then the creep grabbed Fresnelli with inhuman strength and sucked the life out of him. Simple. But why? Why would Vlad go after this guy?

Chongo methodically checked out the entire residence. He found plenty of evidence that Vito was into gambling and betting on the horse races, plus importing some kind of expensive stuff from Australia. There were codes written down, but it wasn't clear just what the shipments involved.

There was one more thing. A plane ticket to Australia. It was for a week from Monday.

"Australia. I never been to Australia." Chongo thought about it. As far as he knew there wasn't much of a primate population in Australia at this point, but what difference did it make? Magenta was in Australia, and the mysterious statue had come from there. Chongo went back to the living room.

"Vito," he said, addressing the dangling corpse, "I feel it is my duty to make use of this plane ticket, and go see what all this rumpus is about on your behalf. It might be you had unfinished business in Australia, so I am gonna see what I can do about it. I will drop a line to the cops so you get a decent burial. I am sorry about what happened here, so I hope they give you a nice clean coffin. Thanks for the $150."

Chongo put everything carefully back as it had been and exited by the same window he had entered by. The gloves he had worn would have left no fingerprints nor any sign of his presence. The cops were welcome to make what they could of Fresnelli's sudden end. They would certainly be puzzled by the bite marks, that's for sure, not to mention by all those bullet holes and no sign of anyone getting shot.

As soon as he got back to the office, Chongo phoned up the police. "Yeah, 17 Spartan Boulevard. I heard shots there a couple of days back. Maybe 5 or 6 shots. I been thinkin' about it, and I thought you oughta know. Who am I? I'm just a little bird that flew by. Yeah, that's right, a bird. Look, I gotta migrate, so bye for now. I hope it ain't nothin' too serious." Chongo hung up. That oughta do it. Chongo doubted that the cops would find much useful, but they were certainly welcome to try.

In the meantime, he had a vampire to catch. Time to read up on Australia. He had a week to do that and pack.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 11:05 PM

For the last couple of weeks, JennyO had been feeling uneasy - as well as the strange way Magenta had been acting, there had even been moments at the folk festival in Jamberoo when she had felt someone's eyes on her, and she even thought she had caught sight of a swirling black cape out of the corner of her eye while in the Guinness tent on the last night, sipping a final half price Kilkenny with Sandra. Yes, there definitely was a chill in the air that night - not totally accounted for by the fact that the gas in the big outdoor heaters had run out.

She had thought of voicing her concerns to jack halyard, a larger-than-life bearded folkie, who did not look like Santa Claus, and with whom she currently shared her life and her lodgings, but lately he had been very busy writing new songs and she, not wanting to interrupt the creative flow, decided not to bother him.

Now, lost in thought as she stared in the window of Amera's Palace at the colourful drapings of chiffon, coin belts and zills, she remembered a time not long ago when her friend Magenta had brushed with a rather unsavoury character named Vlad.

Then, as if the very thought had called him into existence, she caught sight of a gloved hand on Magenta's shoulder, and raised her head to look into hollow liquid eyes tinged with madness.

"Bloody 'ell, not you again!" she gasped. "What the hell are you doing in Newtown? Got kicked out of The Stafford hotel, didya?" She was having some trouble speaking, especially since she had never heard of the Stafford Hotel.

Yes, there he was, large as life, Vlad himself. He was hovering over Magenta, needle-like teeth flashing in the light of a nearly-full moon. A large black cloak enveloped pale gothic features with slick oily black hair - someone who wouldn't rate a second look in Newtown - he would blend in easily with all the other goths.

He looked ready to sink those fangs into Magenta. "Look out Magenta!" she screamed. "It's Vlad the Inhaler!"

"Who?" asked Magenta, as if in a dream.

"Wake up Magenta!" - JennyO pulled her away. "He must have you hypnotised. Don't you remember Vladimir the Inhaler; Vampire Villain?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums Boris
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 03:15 AM

She could hear someone shouting.. and felt sucked towards that dark energy. The air was swirling around her, in a kaleidoscope of black leather, studs, swirling chiffon, coin belts and gulab jamens.. colours and symbols circling around her like a starry night.. She saw JennyO wrestling with what appeared to be an overripe, waxen skinned, red lipped, white fanged Elvis impersonator.. what late night horror show had she stepped into by accident? and that black cloak - was it a cloak, or huge dragonlike bat wings?

Magenta awoke out of her dream to the sound of someone chundering in the nearby garbage bin. She looked and saw that man, what was his name, Vladimir, bent over the bin, retching.

Jennyo was shouting - RUN ! for your life Magenta! get out of here! and suddenly, there was a shove, and she found herself on her side, a car door slamming, listening to the sound of JennyO and Simon shouting. she was inside that old white landrover, being tossed from side to side as the car screeched in and out of the backstreets of Erskineville......

"what happened?", she asked JennyO in a timid voice.

"It was that undead Transylvanian scumbag, Vladimir", said JennyO. "I called Simon on my mobile and then.."

"How did we escape?" bleated Magenta, exhaustedly.

"You were very lucky, Magenta", said Simon, "That walking corpse of an interdiluvian Elvis was just about to rip into your neck when he stepped in some leftover pizza, and was overcome by the smell of garlic. We left him having deep words with the garbage bin in King St".

It was all too much. Magenta lay back on the car seat, trembling and shivering with fear.......

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 08:52 PM

Chongo was reading up on Australia. It sounded like an interesting place, once you got out into the countryside. Lots of unusual animals. Somehow, though, he had a feeling he'd end up in the city instead, and cities were fairly much the same everywhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 09:03 AM

The old wooden bench in the backyard was comfy. She sat among the long grass, the dandelions and the ferns, listening to the sounds of Ecopella, the choir that rehearsed in her backyard each Monday evening. (http://www.ecopella.live.com.au/) The moon was big and round, and the sounds of voices blending in shades of forest green floated into the night.

Magenta felt muddled, not right. All those years of vegetarianism, spirulina, yoghurt and Doctor Bronner's peppermint soaps. Why was she craving meat all of a sudden? and why was she suppressing an impulse to run into the back studio and suck the blood from that juicy little tenor?

Maybe she needed iron tablets.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 10:46 AM

Simon took a deep breath, but, this time, not on his bong. Through the window he watched as Magenta sat huddled in her old shawl, on the bench, gazing at the moon. His bones were weary, weary of problems. Magenta, she was a good woman, he knew that. But she'd been laying a lot of crap on him lately, and he'd had enough. He knew what the problem was, he, JennyO, JennyG, Sandra, they'd all been pretending that everything was okay. But when he saw her gazing deliriously at that pasty faced pointy shoed Bat freak, Simon knew. Magenta had somehow been possessed by this manipulative Transylvanian poseur, he had taken over her will somehow.

Simon knew about these things, about the power of the mind, pointing the bone, ouija boards and that. He knew that, while nothing had actually happened to Magenta, the problem was, she THOUGHT something had happened to her. The placebo effect, if you get it. And this Vlad, this reptilian rubber scrubber, this weak arsed sabre toothed beanpole, he had her wrapped round his little, er, bat claw.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amalia Clawall
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 10:56 AM

JennyO, JennyG, Magenta and Sandra were meant to be having a sewing evening. This was really an excuse to get together, listen to music, talk, and sew while they cooked potatoes in the fire. They baked them til they were covered black with charcoal on the outside, and were white and fluffy on the inside. Add pepper, butter, parsley and sea salt .. mmm.

But Magenta was off in the back shed, saying something about looking for mice. They looked at each other. Was this weird or what?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Natasha Smasher
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 11:02 AM

Simon knew what he had to do. Simon needed a good exorcist, someone who could cleanse Magenta of this low class spirit that was inhabiting her. Someone with the strength not to be frightened by Magenta's moods. Someone who knew this was more than an evening primrose job. Someone who could straddle two worlds - a ghost whisperer. There was only one person who could help, and he was in Plaistow.

How the hell could Simon lure Micca to Australia, when he was broke?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 05:59 PM

.....burp!










Vlad knew that he couldnt survive on bats alone for much longer..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:51 PM

What in God's name does Micca have to do with any of this? Inquiring minds want to know. Next we're going to see jOhn from Hull dragged into this somehow...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:38 AM

Micca sat at his vast table, a huge, leatherbound book in front of him. It was the prophesies of Nostrilsarmpit, the 15th century visionary whose eyes saw centuries ahead, into the threads of Mudcatus Magentumus.

Micca's room was wall to floor in ancient books and music. Yet, in all his years of esoteric study, he had never come across anything as compelling as the Prophesies of Nostrilsarmpit. Written in deeply symbolic language, with hints of events barely imaginable in the 15th century, Micca's eyes bulged as he read the strangely hypnotic words....

Sitting alone at night in secret study;
it is placed on the computer screen.
A slight hum comes out of the emptiness and
makes successful that which should not be believed in Maine.

The mouse in the hand is placed in the left of the keyboard's letters.
With water he sprinkles both the hem of his garment and his foot.
A voice, fear: he trembles in his robes.
Divine splendor; the Mudcat sits nearby.

When the litters are overturned by the vampire
and faces are covered by cloaks,
the newtown moon will be troubled by its people.
At this time the conservatives and the drys will rule wrongly.

In the world there will be made a queen
Magenta her name, her tresses be black.
At this time the mind of the Goddess will be lost,
as Magenta seeks her ancient true love.

They will be driven away for a long drawn out fight.
The countryside will be most grievously troubled.
Town and country will have greater struggle.
Simon and Chongo will have their hearts tried.

The eye of Vladimir will be forsaken,
when his wings will fail at his feet.
The two of Plaistow will have made a constitution
for their future wisdom, lovers underfoot

Arrived too late, the act has been done.
The wind was against them, batwings intercepted on their way.
The conspirators were staggering from a party.
By Vladimir shall these enterprises be undertaken.

How often will you be captured, O daughter of the moon ?
Changing blood that is barbaric and vain.
Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Micca will revive your veins...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:47 AM

"Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Micca will revive your veins... "

Micca could feel layers unpeeling from his mythic mind. The words of his old grandmother echoed in his mind, from when he was a young child.. "Mark my words, Micca Patterson, you will have to seek before you find, and that which you find will be filled with another, which you must empty before the true Goddess is revealed".

Micca pondered the significance of his grandmother's words. She had always spouted this phrase to him before telling him to clean up his room. Strangely, the words always seemed to inspire him, for amongst the clutter he always discovered some jewel, which had been given up as lost.

But this, this was different. The venerated Nostrilsarmpit seemed to be speaking to him. and who was the goddess of the moon, and why was her mind lost? What did it all mean?

Micca decided to have a sip of cider and listen to some Bessie Smith, before retiring for the night.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:28 PM

My names Fresnelli...
Momma said there'd be days like this, but even she could never have imagined waking up in a morgue. For a moment I thought someone had shoved me in a filing cabinet but when I climbed out of the cabinet it was rather obvious where I was.

Damnit, Damnit, Damnit! How could I have been so dumb! Here I'd been chasing that fanged freak from continent to continent sure I'd get the bastard before too much longer and instead he'd gotten me. I had just been preparing for a trip to Australia to talk keep an eye on his last victim when he shows up in my front room. I know the pistol was a stupid thing but a frightened man will use about anything. Too bad I hadn't used my garlic and holy water bullets but Chicago was rough and those bullets wouldn't work on your normal chi-town hood.

Now, here i am standing naked in the morgue. As if being dead wasn't bad enough they've got to make it rather embarassing as well. First things first, some clothes. I don't have to worry about dieing of exposure (hah!) but walking around nude might draw some attention.

Next was getting to Australia. That bastard was sure to be there already, running down that unfortunate young lady. Well...the flight wouldn't be a problem. That fanged freak might have killed me but in some ways he just made my job alot easier. With the powers of a vampire now in my possesion I'm going to hunt him down and make him pay. I'm going to get a nice long piece of dogwood and personally carve a beautiful stake for that piece of bloodsucking shit and drive it through his coal black heart if it kills me, well... in a manner of speaking.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,A Very Large Pink Flamingo, hoping to get s
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Micca is on his way to Australia to battle Vlad the Inhaler? Maybe he could take a short sidetrip to Nottingham, NH and visit his Pink Lady. Lots of bats here to battle too, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:05 AM

It had been a bad week. I'm a patient man, Rhymin'Simon thought to himself, a very patient man. But finding a dozen peeled bats in the freezer (yes, hygenically wrapped in snap lock bags, as Magenta had sweetly pointed out), well, you hadda draw the line somewhere. And it was a very long line.

yeh magenta was a cool ole lady, sang a good version of the Grisly Bride. But no more. Simon usually didnt agree with fascist concepts like deprogramming, motivation training or deportment and modelling classes. They were all subtle attempts by the interglobal capitalist multiglobular media monopoly to mold people to become more passive, socially engineered corporate citizens.

Now if magenta had been preserving those bats for science, or even caring for them in a box full of cotton wool for some wildlife enviro-group, it would be a different matter. But Simon was no fool. He saw the packet of sliced Jarlsburg cheese, the mild chili sauce, the tomato and the cos lettuce. And the tooothpicks... ugghh.

And Simon knew he took take it no more. Yes, there was only one person he could trust to freak Magenta back into her senses, only one person with the balls to confront her brain-dead carnivorous cravings, only one person whose efforts would not be in vein...

Micca Patterson, he of the memorable "Hash my Father Scored".

Simon had to do what a man had to do. He got on the phone.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:17 AM

It was 3am. Micca had been poring over Nostrilsarmpit for some time.

"The two of Plaistow will have made a constitution
for their future wisdom, lovers underfoot"

A constitution? lovers underfoot? the two of Plaistow? It was only him n the cat here, and while Micca was an open, non-judgemental sort of bloke, the cat was just company, really. Micca knew that Nostrilsarmpit often disguised his meaning in heavy symbolism and word play, partly so that it would have more applicability in future centuries, when pedants and skeptics started demanding rules of evidence and such like. Micca concentrated, looking for the deeper mystical meaning behind the words... lovers underfoot... what the hell could that mean?

briiing brrring... who was ringing at this ungodly hour? Micca picked up the phone and recognised the deep booming drawl of his old aussie mate, Rhymin Simon.

"Hey, Micca, mate. How'd you like to drop by for a smoko? I need some help, man. Ive got some good weed, purple heads, got it up Mullumbimby way. I'll set you up with a few gigs, mate."

Suddenly Micca understood. "Goddess of the Moon" "Lovers underfoot" - underfoot, underneath, down, down under - Australia. Micca knew, from the tingling up his spine, that he would rescue the Goddess of the Moon, and in the process, would find his true love, in Australia.

"Sure, Simon, what's up? I'll be over in a day or two."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:53 AM

..she had seen him again. magenta didnt know what it was that unnerved her about this man, the bat wings, waxen skin, the penetrating...



gaze. But all she knew was that she sensed a blackness in him. She gazed up in her mind, into his dark, dark eyes. it was as if she had never seen or known another man before. she could feel that longing, that aching.. this man was somehow, drawing her to him, she wanted to dive right into those eyes, that blackness, almost like diving into the night sky, to become obliterated in blackness.

"and", JennyG was saying, "you can buy these embroidered flowers - roses, violets, daisies, waratahs - even gymea lilies, and just iron them on. It saves hours of work and they look beautiful".

"where is she now", muttered jennyO. They heard a crash and a scream out the back shed.

JennyO, Jennyg, and Sandra all ran out the back. There lay Magenta, looking rather guilty, on top of a pile of pieces of wood, an old bicycle wheel, a bit of old tire and half of the old lawnmower, which was on its side, all seeming to have fallen out the side door of the shed. Yes, there lay Magenta, on top of all that clutter. JennyG looked, and looked away.

There was a mouse tail hanging out of Magenta's mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 10:22 AM

LOL! These Vlad tales are truly wacko.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Micca
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:11 AM

Micca, thought long and hard, and applied the Zazen Meditation techniques and decided that to reduce the threat in Oz he would have to travel the Long way round to Sydney flying to New York and making a diversion to Nottingham NH. This would give him a chance to see Lavinia, his Pink Flamingo friend and obtain a specimen of her DNA. Using this to apply the Principles set out in Dr Michael 'Alaska Mike' Campbells' seminal Thesis " The application of gene technology in the production of the perfect Sled dog to win the Iditarod!"maybe it could be introduced into the vampire gene pool and thus neutralize the Bat problem , at least . For who could take seriously a 5 foot tall pink fluffy vampire bat??
He anxiously scanned Nostralarmpit for a sign, he found it at the bottom of page 1204
He showed .!.. and the mystic words "up yrs Vlad"
And the Verse
When winter holds the north gript fast
warm south nights dark with inkness
the Cider drinker forth will come
and with him bring the Pinkness!!!

which Nostralarmpit admitted (in the footnotes) he knew not the significance of but hoped in time would be revealed!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Magenta
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:40 AM

As magenta lay there on the rubbish heap outside she was dreaming about everything in pink. She woke with a start saying " I hate Pink!"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: MMario
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:44 AM

Gazing into the mirror - Magenta saw what she normally saw in the mirror - exactly nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 09:12 AM

At a loss for words?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 12:58 PM

Right,
Clothes courtesy of the night custodian. You'd think he'd be used to corpses moving because of rigormortis. Fainted dead away (if you'll pardon the pun).
No I didn't drink his blood, that's what I'm after Vlad for, I don't need to add to the problem.
Now the mechanics of becoming a bat. Got to concentrate and flow into the shape. If you've got a better suggestion I'd love to hear it.

Stop distracting me! The Louisville Slugger logo was beginning to appear on my side when I finally got my focus back! Okay, think short fuzzy ugly mouse with webbed fingers (Note to self: are bats the offspring of inbred mice?). That's about got it!

Perspectives quite a bit different (keep flapping!) The clothes aren't on the floor. I wonder where they go? Come to think of it, considering the theory of conservation of mass/matter where is the rest of me?

Don't think about it! Don't think about it! The floor is too far away to lose control at this point. Keep the horizon level, good. Haven't got time to master this, I guess I'll just have to wing it. Groan, I wonder if being a vampire makes you susceptible to puns?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 06:23 AM

Magenta felt, well, battered.. Those damn sewing nights were such a bore. Hemming, quilting, embroidering truths.. Nostrils flaring, the change to nick out the back on toss back a quick mouse or two had been irresistable, if she hadn't tripped over the wheelbarrow n onto that pile of wood n stuff. and here they were, flapping about her like three old aunts, batty as fruitcakes, and just as merry, she thought. No, she didnt need any helping up, thanks, she was okay.

She hadn't even been able to sink her teeth into the mouse - Freda had rescued it and rung the Wildlike Rescue Services. They werent interested anyway, as it turned out. waste of a good mouse.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 12:43 PM

Okay, so there is something more difficult than flying. Landing!
Note to self: try not to fly for extended periods as you start thinking like a bat! Changing back to human form while hanging upside down could be hazardous to your health!

Unfortunately I seem to be getting hungry and I know where that leads. Time to head it off before someone else ends up punctured and drained. The bloodbank probably has at least a few pints that can't be used because of possible contamination. What me worry? I'm already dead! It can't get much worse than that. I know what you're thinking and I'm just as disgusted. Please remember that this has been thrust upon me and I will see it to an end.

Checked the yellow pages. Theres one near the airport so I can dine and catch a flight. What? Fly all the way to Australia? I'm dead not crazy! I'll have to steal into the cargo bay in bat form and find a nice warm spot to hang (groan) until we get to Oz.

Found the place. New building with no windows that can be opened. Ventilation duct on top, can probably make it through in my current form. Don't even want to think about trying for a mist. I've never seen Vlad try it, it's probably an exageration. Whoa! Fan blades! That was a close shave (literaly). Got to be more careful. I might be dead already but it's not going to help being dead in little slices.

Let's try the front door shall we? Damn! Walked into the glass doors! Must be a light beam instead of a pressure mat. I guess no reflection means nothing to break the beam.

I must have made more noise than I intended. The security guard came out for a look around. A quick change and I'm through the door. I'll just wait for him to fall asleep behind his desk again and then it's a round on the house. I've got about five hours before the dawn flight out. It's probably pushing my (lousy) luck but hopefully I won't be too singed!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 05:44 PM

The flight to Australia could only be described as harrowing. Too many lay overs, and the whole way spent in the company of a yappy old miniature poodle that smelled like mothballs. The dog was too stupid to be scared! Towards the end it was extremely hoarse but it kept on trying to bark. I won't even mention the fact that it was incontinent and flatulent and every bark seemed to cause an equal and opposite reaction. I din't know whether I was going to sufficate or die laughing! All I can say is that the damn thing must have been hollow when we finally reached Australia.

But at last I am here and now can begin my hunt.

Yours,

Fresnelli

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:22 AM

Chongo had boarded the airliner with great anticipation. He had only flown on a few occasions and always found it to be a real thrill. You didn't see all that many primates on transoceanic flights because most of them didn't have that kind of money. Anyway, they preferred the banana boat to any other form of transportation. Chongo didn't have time to take a banana boat all the way to Australia.

He would have been quite intrigued to know that Detective Morgan and more than a few other cops were going nuts trying to figure out where the body of the late Vito Fresnelli had vanished to. He would have been even more intrigued to know that Fresnelli was riding in the cargo hold of the very same aircraft for which he had bought Chongo's first class ticket...in the form of a bat!

The fat lady in the seat across the aisle was obsessing endlessly about her beloved poodle "Desiree", which was apparently langushing in the cargo hold.

"I bet it's one of them spoiled, hysterical little canine nutcases," thought Chongo. "Good for nothin' but leopard bait!"