BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence

Subject: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:15 PM

To keep the thread title clean I didn't use the F word.

Farts are many things to many people. What do farts mean to you?
That is, do you 'see' them as friendly releases that help you gain a degree of comfort with yourself or do you perceive them to be a nuisance to be ignore (or at least blamed on the dog)?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:19 PM

I just let rip, scratch my arse, and grin stupidly. Must be hanging around with teenage boys taht does it...

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:22 PM

I like to give them names (everyone's farts), at Mudcat Gatherings. One reason we have so much fun at them.

(Joking)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: CarolC
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:23 PM

Yeah sure, Blissfully Ignorant, but do you light them?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:26 PM

I used to....but then one time i lit a fart when i was wearing a skirt, and my tights got melted onto my thigh... my friend and i nearly peed ourselves laughing. Which would have been handy had my skirt caught on fire, i suppose....

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: gnu
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:27 PM

I figured Spaw, but brucie?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:27 PM

This is likely not an appropriate question to ask ladies; it is therefore addressed to the world at large.

We have all had farts that we let go--only to find out they had NO odor. I ask then, "What's the use?" Where does a fart like that come from?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:36 PM

A fart like that is the ghost of a previous fart that died before it could escape.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: heric
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:43 PM

Thanks for starting this thread to prove a point brucie.

Flatulence odors, to me, mean molecules - physical, tangible molecules entering my nose, penetrating my mucosa and entering my bloodstream. A physical intrusion into my lungs, heart, and cardiovascular system, even intruding upon my brain cells. From someone else's ass.

Chew on that for a while. And have a nice day!





i will not post to this thread i will not post to this thread

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:46 PM

You are MORE than welcome, heric. If I'd bet, you'd a jus' made me ten bucks.

The science of farts is interesting, but no scientist yet has put it in the poetic manner you have. Sing on O sweet lips that never told a lie.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: CarolC
Date: 02 May 05 - 01:02 PM

Yes, I have to say that I tend to think of them in the same way that heric does. Real molecules of real stuff that comes out of someone's ass. I think of the odor in a recently used bathroom/washroom/lavatory in the same way.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 05 - 01:25 PM

In every life there is one gaseous episode that ranks titanticly head and shoulders above any other eruption before or since.

These Herculean accomplishments become the stuff of myths.
Unless there is a witness.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 05 - 01:40 PM

New sampler pack

http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 02:45 PM

A young feller was courting the daughter of a high-class citizen, a judge. He was a terrific classical piano player and would play his own compositions at the drop of hat. After dinner at the young lady's house one evening, he suddenly felt that the meal hadn't really set well on his stomach, and yet he still had the courtin' part to do.

Gritting his teeth, he walked to the concert grand and announced to her that he would play his own new composition, entitled "The Storm." He ripped into it, and under the cover of the thunder and lightning he could relieve the growing gas pressure in his stomach. He did, and felt considerable relief.

"How did you like it?" he asked her when he was done.

"It was fine!" she exclaimed. "I especially liked the part where the shithouse blew up."

Fer all you smart fellers....

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 02 May 05 - 03:09 PM

That bubble wrap thing is so cool...i drew a bubble wrap smiley face...


Here's some toilet humour and here's some more.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 May 05 - 03:30 PM

I love that cat but experience teaches me they don't announce it quite like that..... a sly smirk or a stupid look round as if to say 'was that my bum?'

Church pews (of the old fashioned variety) are great for 'rolling farts' - those explosive bursts you can't keep to yourself any longer - they sound like a ball bearing being rolled down a metal drainpipe.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 02 May 05 - 03:37 PM

It's so funny when dogs fart and then look at their bum, totally discombobulated....and then start chasing their tail....hehhehe...he..

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: bobad
Date: 02 May 05 - 03:57 PM

the farting dot - fun for the entire family.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 May 05 - 04:14 PM

So this lady went to the doctor and said "Doctor, I have a problem! I keep farting at the rate of around 200 a day and I have done five since being in your office...but they are always silent and they never smell"
The Doctor wrote a prescription for some pills and the lady took them for a week but returned to the doctor complaining "Doctor, I am farting just as much but they smell terrible since I've been taking those pills"
The doctor said "Good!!! that's sorted out your nasal problem..now let's see if we can do something about the deafness"!!!!!!


Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 02 May 05 - 04:17 PM

Jaysus,

I start one serious thread a year and look what you lot have done to it!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 04:33 PM

Hmmm...if the whole crew took part, could you use this as a technique to beat the doldrums if you were at sea in a sailing vessel?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 02 May 05 - 05:04 PM

Perfect present for the person who has everything.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 02 May 05 - 05:13 PM

I admit to using a whoopee cushion once at a staff meeting. Yep. Principal's chair. When he sat down I looked up and said, "Pardon me?" It was an ice breaker. First time we ever had words.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,van lingle
Date: 02 May 05 - 05:14 PM

Weren't they that great funk group from the 70's and 80's?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Alba
Date: 02 May 05 - 05:28 PM

Nearly the same Band van lingle only this one had a hit with Putrefaction Wonderland.
Jude:>)

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 03 May 05 - 01:31 AM

I found this rhyme in an old thread:

Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits
From: Kazoo - PM
Date: 19 Jun 98 - 10:32 PM

Driving down the highway doing 77 Someone blew a big one and blew himself to heaven The car couldn't take it, the engine fell apart All because of someone's (insert persons name)Supersonic fart Fee-fi-fo-fum here comes another one two-four-six-eight everyone evacuate.

-snip-

The link to that thread is Here

****

Note to the original poster:

Thanks Kazoo, whoever and wherever you are. I hope you don't mind me posting this without your permission.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:48 AM

We coined a phrase for it at the weekend... explaining to someone of a delicate disposition that they may have picked the wrong group to bunk with, we formed a company called 'Bodily noises R us'.... summed it up really.

I blame the Early Bird beer.. so called cos it gives you worms.


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 03 May 05 - 08:00 AM

Oh my! I am just this morning reminded of the worst fart. At least tenfold worse than a double broccoli-turnip-bean-curry fart. Beer and lobster. Can't blame it on the dog... he ran away.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Azizi
Date: 03 May 05 - 08:17 AM

Here's another example of a 'superpersonic fart' rhyme from
Wheee! Blog


"...cruising down the highway
going 64
gradma let a big one
and blew us out the door
the hinges broke upon it
the tires fell apart
all because of grandma's
super sonic fart!!! "
posted by Jessica at April 17, 2004 08:15 PM

[This rhyme is excerpted from a "Miss Suzy Had A Steamboat" rhyme and is used with permission from that blog's members]

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 03 May 05 - 09:19 AM

Art, Art, let a fart, and blew his pants all apart.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 03 May 05 - 09:28 AM

My grandfather said that he knew a fella who was courtin' a fair young lass. Her family was fairly well-to-do, not rich, but comfortable, and owned a nice farm (this was back in the days when you could make a decent living farming, which shows you how far back it was).

He was sitting on the porch with the young lady and her folks one evening when the pressure built up to the point the Something Had To Give.

Faced with an embarassing situation, he arrived at a creative solution. Just barely before the critical moment he'd stand up, stretch, fake a stumble, and catch himself on the rope of the bell they used to call folks to dinner. The ringing of the bell would cover the eruption.

All went exactly as he'd planned it, except for one little detail.

The bell was no longer used and they'd removed the clapper.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:11 AM

One of the boys let a fart loose in a tent during a rain storm. He was pummelled repeatedly.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:38 AM

Me ex was capable of producing the most disgusting farts ever....i don't know how he managed it, i honestly don't. And i don't know where he got the idea that holding your girlfriends head under the cover shortly after letting off is a real turn on for said female....*sigh*...

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:39 AM

Took a real asshole to do that.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Alba
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:41 AM

Maybe just one of the reasons he is your Ex then Blissy?
Charming...that kind of behaviour only works if said farts smell like a fresh summer meadow...and not a sewage recycling plant!!!...:>)
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:49 AM

Mine smell like ambrosia; roses on a mild summer day. It's amazing, actually.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:50 AM

I think this may have been posted elsewhere here but, unlike the fart in it, bears repeating...

I know a lot of people who are masters of the Pungent Parps. universally acknowledged as the greatest of these was a lovely man by the name of Mike Mullen, sadly, now departed. He and 9 other men were porters or carriers of a large processional giant, Gogmagog. This giant was invited, with others from Britain, to Brussels for a festival. Lining the parade route were hundreds of people and, advertising a circus that was in town, a pair of elephants.

As the parade passed by, these elephants were getting a bit frisky. As the giants from Britain passed by, the first, a 10ft lady Lilbet Large caused them some nervous moments. The second, Nathandriel from Huddersfield, a modest 17ft, caused definate consternation with these elephants. The third giant to pass, Gogmagog, a monster at 28ft, carried by 10 men, caused havoc. The elephants in fright, dropped a huge fart, which, being somewhat heavier than the air around it, dropped to the ground and was wafted under the giants skirts where it struck. To a man, 9 men put down the giant and fled the structure with a cry of 'Mullen, you bastard!'

I've experienced many farts, both human and animal before and since, but nothing has ever come close to the Belgian Elephant Breakout!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 03 May 05 - 11:31 AM

Always anticipate the velocity to ensure you do not follow through.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 11:59 AM

Unlike the elephant.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:01 PM

Hey, are farts wet and lumpy?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Bill D
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:03 PM

Multi-verse limerick about the world's greatest artist on a Wind Instrument

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:16 PM

The after dinner adaptation of Snow White?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:09 PM

Here's a 'fart' rhyme from Back of the Bus Songs thread:

"Subject: RE: Back of Bus Songs
From: Gervase - PM
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 04:38 PM

We used to sing a version of Mademoiselle from Armentieres about a fart. Blessed if I can remember all of it, but snippets were:

The fart went rolling down the street,
Knocked a copper off his feet.
The copper drew his rusty pistol
And shot the fart from here to Bristol...

The Pope of Rome was drinking gin
The fart flew down and fell right in.
The fart went rolling down his spine
And knocked his knackers out of line.

Ah, such memories of such rubbish!"

-snip-

Thanks Gervase!

And BTW: It may seem like I'm looking for these rhymes, but I actually just bumped into them while doing other research}.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:20 PM

"Ink Stink" was a common rhyme when I was growing up in Atlantic City, New Jersey in the 1950. This was chanted after someone "let out wind". "Bad" kids also used to say this rhyme to tease some other kid just because...

Ink stink. A bottle of ink.
Somebody let out
an awful stink.
It was Y-O-U!

****

Here are two versions of that rhyme that I recently collected from children in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania:

Stunk in the barnyard.
Pee you!
Who did it come from
From you.

****

Ink in the bottle.
You stink.
Who did it come from?
From you.

****

Does anyone remember any other versions of "Ink Stink"?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:34 PM

I have been posting to the Grumpy old men thread, but no more. Hey, listen up. FYI, this thread was never meant to be serious. If any of y'all take it that way, well, DON'T.

So, about Chicago, the Windy City. Why?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:36 PM

Here i sit, broken hearted...paid a penny and only farted...:(

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:39 PM

In days of old
When knights were bold
And toilets weren't invented;
They'd leave their load
In the middle of the road
And ride away contented.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:50 PM

From one of the Carry On films... 2 doctors playing 'spot diagnoses' see a gentleman come in walking in a stiff manner. One guesses a slipped disk, the other guesses a hernia. They go and ask the gentleman:

"You thought I have a hernia? Well you were wrong. And you thought I had a slipped disk... you were wrong."

"Well what is wrong with you?"

"I thought I was going to pass wind. I was wrong."

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:52 PM

I just refreshed a 6 year old thread that makes an ideal companion to this one.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:24 PM

And here's the picture that should accompany it...

Brucie - still looking....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:36 PM

Here you go Brucie... that isn't you in the picture is it?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:45 PM

If dragons shot flames out of their mouths, wouldn't they do something similar out the back? Could they do both at once? Where is scientific investigation when it's needed?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Michael
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:46 PM

We used to use 'Ink Pink' as a choosing IT rhyme; whoever was first to start went round the circle pointing to one person with each word;'Ink pink you stink of cow muck'.Muck became IT.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 04:22 PM

This happens when I mix eggs and peanut butter and beer.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 May 05 - 04:27 PM

To fart it is a pleasure,
It gives the bowels ease.
It delicately scents the sheets,
And suffocates the fleas.



Now for one of my originals....never "aired" in public before!

I went to an organised party,
Which was somewhat out of my class.
Compared to the other attenders,
My manners appeared somewhat crass.
But someone broke wind, yes they farted,
And the blame was sent all round the houses.
What made it much worse was, whoever it was,
Had done that great fart in my torusers!

Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 04:49 PM

Good one, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 05 - 05:00 PM

Do a search at Alta Vista images for "flatulent nun." Scroll down the page to see her in action.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 05:38 PM

With thanks to Wolfgang.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 05:39 PM

PS That's NOT Wolfgang BTW. But he was kind enough to find the pic.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:03 PM

I was going to send you that one as well, but it fell off the link and I gave up... it's a goodie!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:16 PM

Never trust a fart.......

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:45 PM

Thanks for trying , Liz, and LOL Jacqui.

There's a story I could tell about that, but maybe I'll leave it to another time. Gawdamighty.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:48 PM

I reckon most of us have one of those stories Brucie.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 03 May 05 - 07:10 PM

Used to use the phrase 'Excuse me I just trod on a duck'

In China I have got used to the free and easy way that the Chinese fart and burp with no embarassment at all.

My first experience here was a good few years ago when I was demonstrating some test equipment to a mixed group of male and female engineers. They had just had lunch. One young lass was standing in front of me, just as I was getting to the crux of the demo, she burped twice, raised a leg and let rip.

Not a flicker crossed her comrades faces, I had to bite my tounge to stop laughing as this was a new one (at that time) to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: The Barden of England
Date: 03 May 05 - 07:17 PM

My mother used to say " Ah - the plaintive cry of a captive turd!" Always amused me

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 07:20 PM

My favourite expression to do with flatulence: He's got nothin' left but the elastic band.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 10:22 PM

Hey. All you folks who have participated in this thread. Thank you. However, the thread is eight short of the seventy-five I had predicted it would go to. This is a real disappointment to me. So I will tell y'all about the following:

Amaze your friends. The shot that was heard around the world? It ain't been done yet. Try this and really impress that special someone of yer dreams. FART with yer neked tuch pressed firmly against--are ya ready for this?--really?--OK then, AN AIR MATTRESS.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:02 AM

I have a picture of my aunt on her wedding day. The entire family are lined up and in one of them, Granpop has his leg raised. When asked afterwards why he was standing thus, he said 'I needed a fart, and when you need a fart....'

Could this be the only photograph of a vintage 1965 fart?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:35 AM

A sigh is an expression,
That comes from the heart.
If expressed downwards,
We call it.......

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 May 05 - 07:27 AM

Poor man's jacuzzi - a fart in the bath.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:07 AM

I have a collection of writings by Benjamin Franklin entitled Fart Proudly.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:31 AM

I'm so fulla gas I'm being followed by people from OPEC.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:32 AM

Just don't take up fire eating.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Donuel
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:48 AM

This vulgar and inane thread couldn't possibly reach 75 ;0

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 May 05 - 11:37 AM

Certainly could with a following wind!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:39 PM

I was walking down the road with my three year old daughter when she suddenly announced in a loud voice that she had farted. I told her that that was not a good word to say in public whereupon she shouted"FART, FART, FART, FART" at the top of her voice.

Thirty-two years later and I'm still thinking about revenge for that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:40 PM

Where I come from "farting" is called "breaking wind".

Does anyone else remember kids making the sound of farts by putting their arm to their mouth and blowing?

Not that I ever did anything like that-publicly anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:12 PM

PDQ Bach (1807-1742?)wrote for, among other instruments, the Windbreaker.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:44 PM

I used to be eble to make that farting sound by putting my hand in my armpit and dropping my elbow. It was a real art form where I grew up. So much so that we really looked up to people who had great skill at it. The ultimate challenge was to do it in class and get in trouble for it. One would then have the admiration of one's peers for minutes--if not hours.

I recall a fellow I shall call Earl--that was his name; thus that is the reason I shall call him that--who got in trouble for REALLY farting in class. Turned out it wasn't a fart--or it was, but there was baggage with it. Earl was the envy of all in a weird kinda way. We all liked him until the day in winter when he sneezed into his hand and then chased all of us around the school yard, threatening to wipe his hand on our jackets.

We had serious things happening in grade four.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:52 PM

I use to do the hand under the armpit thing too... but, i can't do it now, not since i sprouted boobs. It's a tragedy...

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:53 PM

I have NO comment at this time.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:02 PM

"I have NO comment at this time. "

Isn't that a comment itself, of sorts?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:08 PM

Just another thread with a load of hot air in it! It stinks!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:20 PM

Yeah, I remember kids in New Jersey also doing that hand under the armpits and dropping the elbow movement to make the sound of farts..

Not me though. Unlike kids like Brucie and his friend Earl, I never got in trouble in school-or outside of school for that matter.

But I confess to having some envy of kids who had the courage to defy authority. They certainly seemed to be having more fun than I did.

But maybe the "I'm having fun. I don't care if I get in trouble for breaking the rules" attitude was faked just like they faked the farting sound.

Okay, I'm getting to heavy duty here...see what I mean?

I apologize for the seriousness. Back to the fun & games!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:20 PM

I agree. The idiot that started this thread should be told that there is NO place here for that kind of thing. He should be ashamed of himself for being involved with juvenile humour. The twit!

I am OUT of here.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:21 PM

OOOPS.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:25 PM

Well, Brucie, I hope you're not leaving because I categorized you and your friend as bad boys. I did apologize for being serious.

This thread is all about humor, isn't it?

So did you really mean that you are OUT of here, or were you being witty?

That's another thing-a lot of time I couldn't get the punch line of jokes.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: skipy
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:05 PM

I can't sing & I can't play an instrument, but I can fart!
I even plan my diet to be able to fart at work, this bring pleasure to my compatriates! well thats how I see it.
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:07 PM

Or in the words of the great Bob Dylan:-

How many beans in a baked bean can?
How many beans in a can?
The answer my friend,
Is blowin' in the wind!
The answer is blowin' in the wind!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:30 PM

Wasn't there a group in France that made music with their, uh, well, you know?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:52 PM

FYI

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 May 05 - 07:21 AM

Not a new concept though Brucie as Joseph Pujol took Paris by storm in the late 19th century...known as "Le Petomane"(the farter) he could fart "The Marsellaise". imitate a battle with guns, cannonfire etc and even included his lovely daughters in his act. He performed for Royalty..including Prince Albert (England).....Much to Queen Victorias dismay. He farted in all the best theatres including the famous Moulin Rouge. I believe you can still get the video of "Le Petomane" played by Leonard Rossiter...and believe me it is funny!. Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,brucie
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:02 AM

Thank you, Mike. Knew it was out there somewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,brucie
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:09 AM

Allow me to rephrase that . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 May 05 - 04:09 AM

Can't let a rattling good thread die....besides Ted hasn't had his 100 yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:00 AM

So why is it such a taboo to fart or belch openly in Britain, when on the continent and in the Far East, it's ignored or encouraged?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:27 AM

I wouldn't be surprised to find a Victorian influence in there somewhere - they were great for 'public decency'.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:51 AM

IMO, I feel the Bush draft blowing stronger should be combined with
this one.

After all, both of them are about an stinking ill wind that brings no good.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:53 AM

I meant to say that that Bush blowing in the wind thread is a gas too {and not the laughing kind}.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:55 AM

99

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:57 AM

I am the top dog and no mistake!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Ramblingsid
Date: 06 May 05 - 09:36 AM

Of course there is Les Barker's seminal work on this subject. A parody of the scottish song "Blow the wind southerly" which is turned into "Breaking wind suddenly".

Somewhere in there, there is the line "I blamed the dog, but they knew it was me". Blaming the dog though remains my best excuse.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: heric
Date: 06 May 05 - 12:02 PM

If your fragrance resembles a Labrador's in any fashion, you'd better see a doc, and ask for a full bowel resection.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 May 05 - 05:57 PM

Well, as Les once won a bottled fart at a poetry contest, he should know all about them!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 06 May 05 - 06:44 PM

I had a dog that ate apples. She loved the things. Man, could she fart afterwards. She would give her rear a look when the 'wind' exited. I don't think she ever connected eating apples with farting. Just thought you all should know about that.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: John Hardly
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:04 PM

I had a dog who loved apples too. He didn't fart, though. At least that's what he claimed.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:13 PM

John, a friend of mine had a dog named Barth. Barth ate carrots. Then Barth farted, and farted, and farted. We all loved that dog when he wasn't eating carrots. When he was, that poor thing couldn't get anyone to pet him; indeed, he couldn't get anyone to stay in the same room with him.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Genie who ate her cookie
Date: 06 May 05 - 11:42 PM

Shouldn't this topic be in the Music section of Mudcat?

(Beans, beans, the musical fruit -
The more you eat, the more musical you become ... )

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: dianavan
Date: 07 May 05 - 03:45 AM

The farts of others are nauseating. I never breathe through my mouth if I smell a fart because its as if I'm eating it. Yech!

Did you know that meat-eaters have much worse-smelling farts than vegetarians?

Of course, my farts don't smell at all.

My ex-husband would fart in bed and then hold my head under the covers and laugh. Don't you think thats abusive?

I accidently farted in front of my class. It was the highlight of their year.

Can we change the subject to smelly feet or something?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:00 AM

I can see why he is an EX husband.... although it it were my head he were holding there, he would probably be a LATE husband......

Why is it, when blokes fart or belch in public, it's amusing and a sign of how masculine and virile they are... when women do it, it's disgusting.

I've never had a problem with wind (although many of my acquaintances may have had), but I do try very hard to gauge a situation before I let rip..... there are some not a million miles from where I am today, who would do well to learn the art of the silent belch... and particularlry how to belch without leaning to one side so that it's blatantly obvious to all what they are doing!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 07 May 05 - 08:33 AM

Let's hear it for the children! After all, telling people they stink is a widespread name calling tradition.

Here's another children's rhyme to add to those I gave before:

"1819 Aligator Street
Every night they had a fight and this is what they said:
Boys are rotton made out of cotton
Girls are handy made out of candy
Boys go to Jupiter to get more studpider
Girls to to Mars to get more candy bars
Ink a Bink a Bottle of Ink
The cork fell out and you stink!"

posted by Joy Beth at January 23, 2004;
http://octopuses.chaoticinsanity.com

[used with permission of the that Blog's members]

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 07 May 05 - 09:03 AM

GUEST,Genie who ate her cookie began to quote a version of that 'classic' rhyme "beans, beans, the musical fruit".

Here's one version that I found:

"Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
Beans are good for every meal
Beans, beans are good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So have some beans at every meal."


posted by Miranda at August 19, 2004; http://octopuses.chaoticinsanity.com

[used with permission of the that Blog's members]

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 07 May 05 - 03:48 PM

Makes ya wanna, doesn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 07 May 05 - 08:28 PM

Wasnt that a hip horn band in the late sixtys from just outside Chicago : " Gas Wind & Fatulence " . They were a little to middle of the road for me . Thanks for the memories . I was once in a band called "Polecat" wich is more to the point . All the best , Guy

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: bobad
Date: 07 May 05 - 08:53 PM

A stinky fart under the covers can ruin those most intimate moments. With bodymint the stools turn an attractive green instead of that boring brown color. The green Bodymint contained in the stools deodorizes the gases as they transit the intestine. Farts will not smell like roses, but the sharpest and most disgusting nasal notes are reduced or eliminated.

At last a cure, read all about it here

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 05 - 09:30 PM

Why do we insist on hiding the aromas that nature gave us?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 07 May 05 - 10:46 PM

Has any body mentioned that this thread is a gas?

No? Okay I will.

This thread is a gas!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 08 May 05 - 12:10 AM

CH4 (with a bullet).

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 08 May 05 - 03:43 AM

Here's a couple of regional USA vernacular phrases for the word 'farting' that I ahve noticed:

In Atlantic City, New Jersy where I was raised farting was called "breaking wind".

In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where I live now {when African Americans fart} we say we have 'passed gas'. I don't think we use the word 'fart' very much if at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 May 05 - 05:03 AM

My favourite euphemisms are 'Master Robert is talking German' and 'Sir appears to have stepped upon a duck'....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Uncle DaveO
Date: 08 May 05 - 12:36 PM

Both "passing gas" and "breaking wind" are extremely common in Southern Minnesota, where I grew up, and Central Indiana, where I've lived for 45 years.

Then there's also:
to let one
to cut one (or "cut a fart")
to cut cheese

I'm sure there's a myriad of other well-known expressions for this basic human FUNction.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,bobad
Date: 08 May 05 - 01:21 PM

In anglophone Canada one often hears "pardon my French" after having let one rip.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,jacqui.c
Date: 08 May 05 - 01:36 PM

A work colleague of mine used to refer to it as 'releasing foul air"

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,brucie
Date: 08 May 05 - 01:40 PM

I knew a girl who used to say, "I gotta go honkers" or "Who went honkers?".

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Azizi
Date: 08 May 05 - 01:41 PM

So do the French speaking Canadians say "Pardon my English" when they let one rip?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 08 May 05 - 02:42 PM

French-speaking people in Canada don't fart.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 08 May 05 - 02:54 PM

They peter with an accent aigu over the firt e.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 08 May 05 - 03:05 PM

Uh, first e.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 May 05 - 03:46 PM

French lessons brought a whole new meaning to 'Pet Shop Boys'....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 08 May 05 - 03:56 PM

Oooooooh

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: bobad
Date: 09 May 05 - 09:41 AM

Hence, hoisted on one's own petard ?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:17 AM

Bobad:

Yep, that's what a "petard" is!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:24 AM

You know, I saw the title of this thread, and i thought "Bruce Murdoch".

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:52 AM

It makes one feel good to have the confidence of one's peers.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 May 05 - 12:09 PM

Freda - funnily enough I had the same thought - who else could it have been?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 09 May 05 - 03:01 PM

Hey, y'all. Me arse is itchy today. Does that mean I'm coming into money?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 May 05 - 05:21 PM

Probably not, but maybe you ought to change your pants....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: bobad
Date: 09 May 05 - 05:32 PM

One word brucie PINWORMS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 May 05 - 06:16 PM

Maybe your crabs are back and on the move.....

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Gray D
Date: 09 May 05 - 08:25 PM

Brucie,

That's only if, in a moment of . . . erm . . .excitement, you get your wossname caught in a shop's till.

Now then, to repeat a question that I asked in some other thread, you know all these adverts for products that ease "trapped wind"? Well . . . er . . . anyone got any idea what that might be?

Gray D

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 May 05 - 09:27 PM

My nephew insists on farting everywhere and anywhere profusely. Just before he left his last job, he treated himself to Indian food for lunch and then retired to his cubicle to let it ferment. The resulting farts seeped into the fabric of his chair and became (in his words) Perma-Fart. Anyone who sat in the chair was immediately treated to a cloud of curry fart.The memory lingers on.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:04 PM

"Now then, to repeat a question that I asked in some other thread, you know all these adverts for products that ease "trapped wind"?"

May I suggest one of these?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:07 PM

. . . or one of these little beauties.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:43 AM

Brucie - I have it on good authority that champagne corks are better, especially when inserted with the aid of a croquet mallet.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: bobad
Date: 10 May 05 - 07:33 AM

Now that sounds downright kinky LtS.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 May 05 - 01:14 PM

Only if you put it in the wrong way!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:04 PM

hey, brucie, this thread is becoming a diary of people's deepest inner .. thoughts. you touched a um nerve there, bruce. one day this thread will be archived among the 100 most significant documents of the 21st century.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:39 PM

It's an ill wind that blows no good.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:50 PM

And a strong wind is often needed to blow away funk.

["ill" just didn't fit that sentence for me..So I moved to a stronger, more soulful word-"funk' meaning "funky", meaning "smelly" meaning "stink, stank, stunk."]

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:50 PM

and think, thank, thunk.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:55 PM

Drink, drank, drunk?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:10 PM

blink, blank, bunk..
or 'blunk' ???!!!

But this there is about 'bunk'- so oh well...

Sometime 'bunk' is best...

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:41 PM

Wink, wank, wunk?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:00 PM

hink, hank, hunk...

Who's a hunk?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:12 PM

Only fresh hunks please.

No rotten ones allowed.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:25 PM

I just found a rotten hunk of onion in my vegetable basket... nothing smells as bad as rotten onion. Not even the smelliest fart in the world.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:38 PM

Okay we got a what. But it's rotten.

Any fresh hunks who hang around here?

Not that I'm lookin or anything.

Inquiring minds just wanna know...

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:55 PM

Jaysus, they emptied the institutions today. This thread was supposed to stop at seventy-five. Y'all jus' have to let it go.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 06:02 PM

Brucie said:

.."they emptied the institutions today."

[And I say "Who is they? And what institutions are you referring to?"]

Brucie also said
"This thread was supposed to stop at seventy-five. Y'all jus' have to let it go."

[And I say "Why should we stop when we're havin fun?'?"]

Hey, I just got an IDEA!!!

What do you think of a children's elimination rhyme that plays off the concept of stinky poo feet? We can call it "Rotten or Fresh!

Here are the instructions:
'Children' stand in a horizontal line.
One 'leader' stands facing the other 'children'.
The children extend one foot out toward that designated leader.
The leader starts chanting the words
"Rotten or Fresh. Pee Ewe! [or however that 'you' sounding word is spelled] "Rotten or Fresh. Pee ewe!"
With each word he or she chants, the leader points to a different child's foot.
The child whose foot is pointed to at the last "Ewe!" has to say either the word "Rotten" or the word "Fresh".
If, for instance, the child chooses the word "Rotten", the leader spells out the word "R-O-T-T-E-N", and points to a different foot with each letter.
The leader then continues pointing to a different child as he or she says the words "and you are OUT!"

This continues until the last person remains. That person is "IT".

So is this the folk process or what???!!!!

Of course this doesn't have too much to do with this thread, except for the rotten smelly feet...

But I think this has potential. What do you think?





Azizi Powell

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 May 05 - 06:41 PM

Azizi, you have to get out more!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 10 May 05 - 08:17 PM

Ditto that.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:22 PM

Out??? Am I out?

Oh, shucks! I wanted to be IT!!

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 May 05 - 06:02 PM

Who farted?
Who broke wind?
Who let one go?
Who let polly out of prison?
Who trumped?
Who fluffed?
Who pipped?
Awwwwww who did that?????
Best wishes to all

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: UncleToad
Date: 11 May 05 - 07:07 PM

On a good sunny day with no wind...how far (picture ripple effect) will a 1st class chili bean and beer paint peeler spread...and please explain how you came up with your answer...math? science? other means?

Uncle(ReadytoEvacuate)Toad

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,fartmeasurer
Date: 11 May 05 - 07:27 PM

Estimate only would be 3.24 metres radius. Cannot be exact as have never had the inclination to measure such phenomena before.

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 11 May 05 - 07:45 PM

UncleToad: this answer yer question?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 May 05 - 06:23 AM

Hey, that looks like the back door of the Tavern after I got locked in!!!!

Well a girl has to get out sometimes!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,Beenz
Date: 12 May 05 - 07:47 AM

Hiya

Definitions:

Amiable person: Someone who likes the smell of other people's farts.

Conceited person: Someone who likes the smell of their own farts.

Aquatic person: Someone who farts in the bath tub. (They like the feel of those little bubbles between the "cheeks".)

Inconsiderate person: Someone who farts in a crowded elevator (lift).

Foolish person: Someone who supresses a fart for hours, for the sake of company.

Unfortunate person: Someone who tries to fart, but shits instead.

Try saying this really fast:

One smart feller, he felt smart.
Two smart fellers, they both felt smart.
Three smart fellers, they all felt smart.

Does Bass Ale give anybody out there the wind? It sure does me. I sound like a trombone concerto after a few of those. My wife complains about it, but she keeps the fridge well stocked. (Yes, we Yanks like our bevvies cold.)

Bye

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 13 May 05 - 05:24 AM

OOPS sorry was that me?

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST,snake expert
Date: 13 May 05 - 04:45 PM

A Puff adder is one who farts in the bath and counts the bubbles

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: GUEST
Date: 13 May 05 - 07:58 PM

where ayre you be let your air go free

Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence
From: Peace
Date: 13 May 05 - 11:46 PM

Born free, free as the wind blows . . . .