PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 29 Oct 02 - 11:32 AM

Ta that'd be cool. jOhn i've noticcced ths they do t all ova indiscimianininininately the buggars!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: My guru always said
Date: 29 Oct 02 - 08:53 AM

Hey Smallpiper,

We'll welcome you with open guitars at the Southern Barton session. They're on alternate Monday evenings - not as complicated as it looks as I always try to put a thread up a few days beforehand. Will keep you informed if you like......

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 05:37 PM

joHn i think it's Mustafa who puts your extra letters in

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 03:56 PM

they do thst to me all the time smallpliers, they add extra letters as well sumtimes.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 03:48 PM

Oi some one is nicking letters from my posts...... oh sorry found them here they are : r o ther - please insert in correct place in previous posting.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 03:45 PM

What night is this southern version of Baton hlding its session? May combine a visit to your session on way to or from me bros pub in essex

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: My guru always said
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 09:12 AM

Poor Leaf - Autumn cometh - hang on tight!

Scandalous news regarding the John B. Certainly a petition is in order to reinstate normal proceedings!

Our poor Barton session would undoubtedly be (well) endowed by an influx of persons from your locality - unfortunately all major roads leading from the Hull area to the South of the Country have been inexplicably road-blocked until after our local pyrotechnics have expired on the due date.

Should any persons arriving by Lear Jet at Luton Airport be allowed through passport control, please make your way directly along the A6, ignoring all roadworks. Our Barton is between Luton & Bedford and a warm, if not explosive, welcome awaits. Delighted.

Always Said or perhaps Might Have Mentioned In Passing....

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 07:58 AM

Alway Said

Hot news round these parts is that the Sloop in Barton has closed. There are several naked bassoonists who are looking for a new home - somewhere where furniture - smashing and indifferent personal hygiene standards are encouraged. I think that the idea of arriving at your version of Barton is now a very real possibility. I will have a word with the carers of the disposessed musicans and see if we can organise an away match that will leave you both challenged and enriched.

I'll be back to you shortly.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: My guru always said
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 07:32 AM

Our Trusty Oak,

Is Bedfordshire ready for olympic standard Drivellers?

Certainly the vision of naked bassoonists would cause a stir in these parts. I am unsure as to whether grazing rights would be available & would probably not be of the same standard your herd is accustomed to.

Smallholdings are few and far between in this area, mostly built on, but do not fear, the requirement for suitable housing will reach the South Ferriby side of the Humber at some point in the future.

Is snailtrimming still an active craft in Beswick? Ah, how my heart aches! Good to know that the old ways are still intact & drivelling well.

Please, call me Always Said...

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 06:14 AM

hEloo, It Is nO w munday morning), i wewnt to see punch the horse on friday, it was rally nice, and i got a loft off Ossonflags, 9I went in the Punchmobile) , then i went to Mick House, 9he lives jist a few doors away from me) an i had some of his bears, an i drunk a bootle of his rum, and we lissuned to some nice music like the chieftuns and CHristy More etc, it was really nice.john

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 04:08 AM

Well done on a fantastic drivel thread, people. PTH threads make my monday morning! I have had a history and a geography lesson, and a giggle. Long may the drivel continue!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 10:35 PM

Sherwood forest still exists.

Linda I think its the latter of the two.

South Ferriby is on the south bank of the humber to the west of the southern end of the Humber bridge

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 05:27 PM

Would that be Tom Sellick famous and handsome Hollywood moviestar -or wee Tommy Sellick - the infamous snailtrimmer from Beswick? - I think we should be told.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 04:45 PM

My Guru, a Barton Barton evening of naked basoonists and furniture smashing in Bedfordshire would be just the ticket. Do you have leadership skills? We have one who never posts here except in emergencies. This could be one such emergency. In return, all the players from Barton, Beds can be accommodated within my smallholding. I look a bit like Tom Sellick. But with money.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 01:11 PM

Thanks for the info, gents! It sounds like great fun over there and I wish I had a Star Trek transporter and could just beam over for a few hours now and then. I see you're not too far from Robin Hood country. Does Sherwood Forest still exist? I don't see South Ferriby, so I suppose this map is not detailed enough for that.

- LH

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: My guru always said
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 12:44 PM

Good Mr Leaf,

Many thanks for the clarification, it's certainly tricky for people not from Hull. It seems like Hull is a bit tricky to find, not to mention which Nellie's is which. There may be session-goers still struggling to find your venues, especially those where no-one is appearing.

Perhaps using a postcode in your session announcements would assist. Then prospective interested parties could pinpoint the venues with certitude. I always try to do this in my Barton threads - many miles away from your Barton of course, although an awayday may be called for at some point.

Meanwhile, has anyone thought to keep track of how many sprouts are residing on the windowsill in slightly grubby Nellie's?

Continue...

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 07:37 AM

My Guru, just to clarify, in case any of this is a bit tricky to follow (it bleeding well baffles me half the time) the sprouted pub in Nelly's (aka The White Horse) in Beverley. Durty Nellies is an Irish theme pub in the Old High Street in Hull. If Chris in the Hull pub ever bans music, he can expect a natural reaction from me in the depositing of sprouts on his window sill. Until then, he remains a star (with long ginger hair). Salut!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: harpmaker
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 07:26 AM

The waves in the humber can go to many feet, its one of the most treatorus rivers in the world. we are going on a pub crawl latter today,,,collecting sprouts for sunday lunch.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 06:47 AM

Wrong okley at 0400 they were a mighty 22 inches I think that this was due to the friday night Larger and Curry binge in the aformentioned Clecky reaching full flow and going against the wind - wow it was wild!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 06:25 AM

And Little Hawk, milk riots are fairly common in South Ferriby, Bonby and Barrow - a real occasion in which to celebrate our rural belief in the validity of civil unrest. As for the Humber, last night's waves peaked at a mighty 18 inches - you could even see some spume if you looked really hard, or it could of course been someone flushing the toilet in upstream Cleckheaton, after a month on diet of blue pop, Sunny Delight, Quavers and budget kebabs.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Oct 02 - 02:36 AM

Little Hawk, Kingston on Hull is Hull's Sunday - best name. It was originally called Wyke until Cromwell beat Sir Roger de Coursey at the battle of Naseby, allowing the Roman forces to harry the North and supplant Mary Queen of Scots with Boudecia in 1615, which is quarter past four in the afternoon. Did you see South Ferriby on your map? That's me that is.

And as for you, Nemesis of the North, you can bloody well shut the f*uck up, or so help me I'll add your name to the list of those about to get a damn good hiding. And anyway, people who use random French phrases in their spoken or written English are just so bloody passe.

It was a good night at Durty Nellies, though. Thanks everyone.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 11:02 PM

You people are in England somewhere, right? I have looked up Hull in my Atlas, and it's in the index, but I can't find it on the map. Which way does it lie from such points as Goole, Rotherham, Skegness, Newark-on-Trent, and/or Worksop? Is John actually from Hull? Where are the milk riots? How high do the waves rise on the Humber?

I see Kingston upon Hull, but I don't see Hull, so where the Hull is it?

- LH

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 10:47 PM

Ahhhhhh He has finally and irrevocably flipped ..... give that man his PHD in drivel immediatley. Oakley you son of a gun you can fool some of the people some of the time etc......

Dr Oakley I salute you.....   

Now then you git lets get down to real business.... sunk any Yaughts recently and if so where's my cut you bastard! The Humber is wipping up a fair old storm tonight so you must have sunk some poor sods come on cough up or I'll set your cows adrift and then there'll be no milk in south ferriby tomorrow - and we'll have the old milk riots going on again ( sue the pipes sister will be called out to keep the peace agian - and you don't want that do you)

yours conspiritorially

Dirge Master Genreal

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: GUEST,The Nemesis of the North
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 10:33 PM

Because of Punch the Horse's attitude, I usually don't respond to their histrionics, but this time I'll make an exception. What follows is a call to action for those of us who care -- a large enough number to raise issues, as opposed to guns or knives. Calling Punch the Horse gutless weirdos may be accurate, but I'm sticking out my neck a bit in talking about the lowest of all their minions...Oakley! His morality is lamentable, but no more so than his mottos or his taste in overshoes. It's quite likely he will try to retaliate against me for my telling you that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of dodgy slubberdegullions, I believe that we can then raise brown-nosing freebooters out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. In order to solve the big problems with Punch and Oakley both, we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must teach nefarious survivalists about tolerance. I'm no expert, but it seems to me that the really interesting thing about all this is not that his personal attacks are attributable to an ignorance born of fear. The interesting thing is that I would sincerely like to comment on his attempt to associate fetishism with negativism. There is no association.

All I'm trying to do here is indicate in a rough and approximate way the fickle tendencies that make Oakley want to stultify art and retard the enjoyment and adoration of the beautiful. Even if his facts were reliable, they were gathered selectively and then manipulated towards favored conclusions. I want to carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l'infâme!, against his crusades. I want to do this not because I need to tack another line onto my résumé, but because his fatuous-to-the-core revenge fantasies turn the trickle of cameralism into a tidal wave. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. I must ask that Punch's minions review the basic issues at the root of the debate. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to demand that the gentle folk of Twillingsgate submit to the dominion of loquacious weasels. We can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but all the deals Oakley makes are strictly one-way. He gets all the rights, and the other party gets all the obligations. If you agree, read on.

Oakley is a pretty good liar most of the time. However, he tells so many lies, he's bound to trip himself up someday. Most of us who have been around for a while realize that he refuses to come to terms with reality. Oakley prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Punch the Horse, Oakley, Punch-inspired versions of mercantalism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

Sign me...the Nemesis of the North!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 10:14 PM

I've been dead meat for the past 44 years and that hasn't stopped me. so weep your tears, and cry your crys but tough poo my friend, when I asked her to marry me she said.........................................................................................................................................................................................

Thats for us to known and you to find out!!!!!!!!




(well okay it was no but thats cos I was pissed and she's got more sense)

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 09:10 AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO??????????????????????? Right, that's it, mate. You're dead meat.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 07:38 AM

You most certainly would I did!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 07:29 AM

"I'm not scared of Dogy bird I've seen her pants " if i'd seen her pants i think i'd mist up a lot!!!

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 07:05 AM

Ha I'm not scared of Dogy bird I've seen her pants and I've danced with her! Anyway I have to inform you Deanie that the status of my relationship with Nik Nak was confirmed last night - nuff said!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 06:10 AM

In certain situations I mist a lot

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: My guru always said
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 05:46 AM

At the risk of being caught by a left-handed pinch, can I just ask - are we to desist from adorning a particulier windowsill with brussells? I seem to have mist a bitt.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 25 Oct 02 - 05:05 AM

Any more of that from you, smallpliers, and I will have no option other than to set my second, Dodgy Bird on ya. She packs a mean left hook, mate.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 24 Oct 02 - 10:17 AM

Ah DeanMister my bouy you are far, far too late Nik Nak is mine allllllllll mine and any fantasies you have are yours and yours alone so tough! Nik Nak allow you to play out some of your fantasies (in part) because its therapy for you (ain't we generous)

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 24 Oct 02 - 08:12 AM

Gerry, is diary farming a bit seasonal? I would imagine it's a bit frantic between October and December, then flat as a fart for the rest of the year. Still, as you know, I'll try anything once.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 24 Oct 02 - 07:26 AM

Or is that "Punch the scary hairy fairy diary farmer"

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 24 Oct 02 - 06:17 AM

Unhand her at once, you cad, or Friday's performance will be better named Punch the Small Hairy Farmer!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 24 Oct 02 - 05:21 AM

Jeez, De-Mister, sorry for pressing your buttons so early! I have to inform you that she is however, a bit taken with the best purveyor of dirges for miles around and a certain small dairy farmer, despite the mess, you fop.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 24 Oct 02 - 05:11 AM

You keep your filthy bovine smelling claws off my Nik Nak's assets, Oakley. You too smallpliers. She is under a strictly enforced Deanmeister protection order. Infractions of said order will result in pugilism of the non-equine sort, in very short order!! Stick to Twillingsgate, my friend.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 08:02 PM

Yep BF you are of course right it is def Bloke-ess and oakly what where you saying about drivelling w***ers in the chat room whilst checking out Nik Nak's assets?

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 07:58 PM

Hi Oakleaf I'm fine now we've got at least some of the Americans drivelling like good 'uns, I'm still treating the rash with copious amounts of Old Peculier and hopefully it could take years to subside

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 07:47 PM

High Gerry, I looked again tonight (in some detail) and think that you might have a point. How are you by the way? And the rash?

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 07:44 PM

Or should that be spelt bloke-ess small-Pliers9

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: smallpiper
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 07:31 PM

Of course she is but whats that got to do with the price of fish?

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 07:24 PM

I don't like to tell you this Oakleaf but I have suspicions that Nik Nak is a blokess

Gerry

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 12:45 PM

It's not likely for months as the CAA has really got its head right up its arse. I will get lambasted by Ossonflags for this so I'll whisper...why don't we come to you in the summer and try to work our passage? Only a thought. Skipjack is a dead ringer for Cary Grant, particularly in his paisley dressing gown whilst posturing with a cigarette, foppishly. You would call the rest of us "blokes". And rightly so. Salut, BWL.

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 12:39 PM

Sorry guys. Doesn't look like I'll make it to this Friday's Pinch the Hearse gig unless I start swimming really hard. When do you blokes (Is that right? Is that what you call yourselves? "Blokes"?) expect to have that Leer certified for transatlantic flights? So far the fund has no cash, only promises of two pints of Guiness. And I don't even drink. Maybe I'll apply for a grant.

BWL aka Smart-Ass Prick Yank Bastard

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 12:07 PM

Blimey, John. U gettin a bit worked up. Hows the fund going Bee Dubbya? U gonna make it on Friday?

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 09:52 AM

You tell 'em jOhnny Boy!!!

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 08:46 AM

hEloo, and if abybody thinjing about complaing aboot punch the horse threads i just swithed my telly on and, the first few trheads is , ertquakes , cat food and the wearther, and punch the gorse os is a a folk band so just get lost.this is my opininon.john
this was the ferst folk thread i saw , and prople like to complain to much,, so dont bloody start.john

Subject: RE: PTH @ Durty Nellies 9again)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 23 Oct 02 - 08:14 AM

I take it that you like it then Bee-dubya-ell or are you Winston Wellington-Jones in disguise ?

Gerry