BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 04:12 PM

This just in: Chongo totally lost his temper at a press conference this morning and launched a furious tirade against Nigerians. He swore that his first act as president will be to send in the Sixth Fleet and bomb Nigeria "back into the stone age"! Pundits are scrambling to make sense out of this sudden radical shift in Chongo's stance on foreign affairs and war policy. (He had previously vowed to end all foreign wars, close overseas bases, and bring the troops home.)

****

In a separate announcement, the Republican Party has issued a statement praising Chongo for his latest foreign policy statement. Word on the street is that the Republicans are now considering "viable strategies" for wooing Chongo away from the APP ticket and getting him to run for the Republicans instead! "He is a man...ummm...an animal we feel we can trust to represent the true interests of America and not back down from dire foreign threats to our liberty and our way of life," said an anonymous Republican spokesman. "Unlike Romney, he takes a definite stand. Unlike Santorum, he's not afraid to bite the hand that feeds him. He wants to send in the Marines and the Navy and kick some ass. How can we possibly go wrong with this guy? I say it's Chongo all the way in 2012!"

*****

For an explanation of why Chongo has suddenly switched to a policy of "taking out Nigeria", go to this thread:

Why is Chongo mad at the Nigerians?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: beardedbruce
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 02:09 PM

Well, it will use the same tools that the present Administration uses...


http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/apps-apes-orangutans-using-ipads-paint-video-chat-174457692.html

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 08:02 AM

But there was I under the impression that Chimps just liked a good tea party and painting pictures.

Point taken about humans.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 11:10 PM

And I say you should pay no attention to the latte' drinking Socal sniper in the peanut gallery.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 11:07 PM

I still say you should pay no attention to the bony Canuck behind the curtain, gentlemen...

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:53 PM

Right, said George. :)

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:40 PM

No, Bobert, it doesn't make you a snob. It makes you a specist!

;-)

Amos experiences the delusion that when I speak on Chongo's behalf, I am really speaking on my own behalf. This is not so. Chongo's values are not mine, they are his own. This is also true of Shane McBride, as anyone with half a brain can clearly grasp. All my created characters, once created, have their own unique identity, their own unique psychology, and they are NOT alternative versions of me anymore than a variety of characters in Amos's recently published novel are alternative versions of Amos. They each have their own independent being, they each march to their own drummer, they each live for their own dreams. I am merely the scribe who sometimes records their adventures. Other times, they speak for themselves...and I witness the process, often shaking my head at their wisdom...or their folly...as the case may be.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:29 PM

Pay no attention to the bony Canuck behind the curtain, gentlemen...

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:25 PM

As per usual, Chongz platform is built out of banana peals... One rain and it's slimy stuff on the bottom of your shoes...

I'm lookin' for more than slimy stuff and a pile of monkey poo in the Oval Office...

I donno??? Guess that make me a "snob"???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:12 PM

Chinglue Simp as President would:

* Lower Texas.
* Dismantle the Shed.
* Eliminate all groan control laws.
* Tax banjos and accordions according to their worth.
* Eliminate the Deportment of Homerun Security.
* Eat a banana every day, raining or not.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:14 AM

Humans don't usually eat the humans they rip apart.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 08:42 AM

Have you seen what humans do to others?

Time to let the Chimps have a go at government, I say!

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administration be like?
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 08:08 AM

Have you seen what some chimps can do to others? They have been captured on film ripping other apes apart. Scary stuff!

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 01:19 AM

Well, it is certain that there will be a tall curtain in the Oval Office. LH will have come into his own...

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 10:54 PM

Yeah. That's always a key point of any invasion worth its salt, right?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 10:16 PM

All that stuff I mentioned is Secret Stuff they teach us in US schools so we can be Better Citizens of This Great Nation From Sea To Shining Sea. It's called "Civics" so non-Americans will think it's really something else.

Besides, Chinglue ain't a human bean. He's an alien, probably a Martian, spying on the defenses and defences of Earth so he can lead an invasion and steal our women.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 08:49 PM

Now, Rap, go easy on him, okay? You are verging dangerously close to specism in those remarks you made.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 07:53 PM

No it's not, Chonglue. You're badly mistaken about that. You are not an American citizen and neither is LH, to cite just one example. Unlike LH, you could never qualify because US citizenship requires that one know certain basic things about the US and you don't know them. These are Big Secret Things, like where JFK and Marilyn Monroe and Bob Hope and the crew of the USS Thresher and all the guys who were supposedly killed in Vietnam REALLY are and what the eye on the Great Seal of the US is actually looking at. Since you could never, ever, comprehend this stuff you are not and can never be an American citizen

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 11:00 PM

Don't underestimate the health-boostin' effects of downin' a bottle of whisky and smokin' a coupla top quality Cuban cigars every day of yer life, Roscoe, not to mention dodgin' bullets frequently and datin' gorgeous dames with slit skirts and long cigarette holders. I swear by it. Then too, stayin' single all these years has definitely helped keep me young. (That is probably the one and only thing me and Little Hawk got in common.)

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:50 PM

Well, you realize this makes him over a hundred years old. So his administration would be doddering idiocy. I know this is not a surprise, but I thought I should mention it.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:44 PM

No, Bert...I'm Canadian. Chongo is a naturalized American Chimpanzee who emigrated from Africa to New York in the late 1920s. He has American citizenship, and claims to have been born on an American trade compound in West Africa within 10 feet of a proudly waving Stars and Stripes.

You can hardly BE more American than Chongo Chimp!

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:31 PM

Me? I ain't no cold Canuck! I'm an Idahoer!

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Bert
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 08:57 PM

Hmmm! Let me see. He's Canadian isn't he?

SO, it would probably be somewhat like the Canadian Government - Only Better!

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:27 PM

Chained to an 'oar? Is she pretty?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:12 PM

"Slay them all. The Lord will know his own." Instructions given to the military during the massacre of a Cathar city by Catholic forces in southern France.

Chongo asked me to post this to you in response, Rap:

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.

(If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.)

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 04:00 PM

No, I'm thinking of MY favorite saying:

Caedite eos.

Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 01:32 PM

Stance? He walks on his knuckles.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:13 PM

Are you questioning Chongo's moral stance and his good intentions???

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:06 PM

Even this one?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:25 AM

Actually, it is quite true that honest work does make a person free, as anyone who's ever done any honest work knows.

The mere fact that the Nazis grossly misused that statement (by placing it above the gates of concentration camps) does not make the statement evil in itself. It's a true statement in itself, but they used it for an untrue and evil purpose. That can easily be done with just about any true statement if you use it in a dishonest fashion.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 02:50 PM

Rap... my old man used to say, "A man without work is not a man." Same deal, I suppose. we lived in Germany for 5 years... I wonder?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 02:45 PM

Over the door to the Oval Office will be Chongo's slogan, "Arbeit Macht Frei." He got it from someplace or other....

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 12:54 PM

"A banana in every tree."

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 12:18 PM

Chongo has one fact against him- there are nowhere near as many dead apes as dead humans, so he can't win Chicago.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 10:02 AM

Oh, you mean a coup, don't you? A military takeover?

Well, Chongo's been giving that some consideration too, so don't lose hope.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 09:57 AM

There is, but it's nowhere nearly as degrading.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 12:03 AM

Well, that's how you get elected in the USA, isn't it? Is there any other way?

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 09:03 PM

Like all politicians he'd do anything for that PAC money. He'll dance on the end of a chain as the money-grinders play the tune, just like all of 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 04:56 PM

Last week, on a regular hand-shaking visit to the local farmer's market, Chongo mistakenly bought plantains rather than his normal bananas-which some politically and enviromentally-correct chimps prefer to eat, though they must be properly prepared, of course.

Will Chongo openly endorse banana's or plantains? Free trade, environmenrtally sustainable plantains are preferred by some chimps, over the corporately controled banana's (younbg chimps often leave chimp school early to pick them for low wagwes).

But, there is the lucrative banana lobby money from United Fruit to consider in the banana-plantain endorsement decision?

"Even though plantains are bland tasting as year old shit, I will eat them, dressed up with condiments, if they get me more lobby dollars and votes", Chongo was reported as saying to a close staffer, last week.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 03:34 PM

I got an idea what would make Chongo's head spin.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 11:10 AM

What else could ya expect from a San Diego latte' drinkin' pouffe and an Idaho potato plunger?

I'm surprised you guys even got the wit to respond to my brilliant ideas.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:24 AM

Ideas? So that's what you call them! We got other words for 'em out here -- meadow muffins, cow chips, things like that.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:24 AM

Sure ya do, Chongo. You've already demonstrated how reliable your ideas are. Just ask Chinga y tu madre.

A

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 09:49 AM

I got ideas that would make yer head spin, buster.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 09:27 AM

He'd have all kinds of bad ideas, I am sure.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:51 AM

Well, Grant might have been nasty but he knew what toilets were for, beeze...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 05:55 AM

A Chongo administration would probably be similar to that of Ulysses S. Grant. Lots of whiskey drinking, cigar smoking, and scandal with a fair amount of incompetence, graft, and corruption thrown in to break the monotony.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 04:14 AM

The Democrats and Republicans have been putting absolutely scurrilous and unconscionable attack ads on TV to damage Chongo's reputation! Here is one of the worst of them...

another specist attack ad

Note that they refer to Chongo with the stereotypical specist label of "monkey", despite the fact that he is really an ape, not a monkey.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 03:49 AM

Sadly, that is probably correct, Rap. He'd either follow the usual obedient route for the major interests around him, like they all do...or he'd go down in a blaze of gunfire that would leave him AND the White House looking like a piece of Swiss cheese might have looked after the bombing of Dresden.

If the latter, it would certainly secure him a place in history that would never be forgotten.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 11:18 PM

"So, how's your mom and sister? You still raising money off 'em?"

No, he'd be beholden to Others. Politicians always are. He'd be no different. If it's not the Illuminati it'd be the Bohemian Club or the Freemasons or the Elks.

Subject: RE: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 09:02 PM

Well, let's see???

Monkey poo on the floor of the Oval Office???

No fear of incoming gunshots at the White House and Lafayette Park being closed for fear of gunshots outgoing from the White House???

"Lemme fly this sucker" to the pilot of Air Force One???

Banana trees in the the rose garden???

"I wonder what this button does?"???

No thanks...

B~

Subject: BS: What would Chongo's administr. be like?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 08:00 PM

With the likelihood growing more certain year by year that Chongo Chimp and the APP will soon sweep aside the ever more corrupt Big Two parties, and march triumphantly to power in Washington, thereby finally placing a REAL chimp (as opposed to the recent G.W. Bush) in the Oval Office, speculation has become rampant as to how this might affect the governance of the USA and the country in general.

On the one hand we have enthusiastic proponents of Chongo Chimp who insist that his election will usher in a new era of peace, tolerance, prosperity, and goodwill.

On the other, we have his bitter enemies (most of them funded by the Big Two parties and the military-industrial complex) who insist that it will be a catastrophe comparable to the Fall of the Roman Empire.

Surely the truth lies somewhere between these 2 extremes?

Some think it might end up looking a bit like...this .