BS: Technical sh*t. No really!

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 04:37 AM

Unca Pat.... [making coffee to spew]

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 10:24 PM

Actually, I've never used one. We were at a place in France that had one but I never used it.

Sponges on a stick (what a name for a new candy or ice cream!) were used by the Romans way back when. Maybe that's where the expression "shit on a stick" comes from. I know where "shit on shingle" comes from.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 07:08 PM

Actually VT, I wish I had one like that. Men pass through several periods of life that are marked by bag changes. When you're young they are up real tight and as a young man they seem a bit lower but very functional. Then it seems as you age they become less functional while growing lower, or perhaps just sagging. You first notice this when you sit on your nuts. Its a strange thing as they were never there before and then.....SMASH.....GASP!!!!!

Then as you come to the end of middle age or thereabouts you get a trmendous shock. One day you sit down on the can and your balls drop into the water. At first you blame it on the high water level in the toilet but in your heart you know the truth......old age has begun. I've often thought that instead of a special discount card which some states issue to those over 55 (Golden Buckeye in Ohio) or an AARP card to use for deals on rental cars and motels and the like, all a man should need are his nuts.

"Are you eligible for our seniors discount?"
Man drops trou
"Ah, yes sir, I see that you are."

I fear the point at which they not only drop in the water, but I don't notice.............................


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 06:26 PM

Virginia, some of the posts here remind me of the initial reaction of many English people several years ago, who on seeing a bidet for the first time on holiday in Spain, were thrilled that at last they had somewhere to wash their feet!

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 05:43 PM

Oh Dan... You shouldn't pretend to be so naive. Of course that is where the term butler comes from. And he was a right royal arse wipe.

Eliza - excellent reposte. And you have highlighted an evident misconception among some of the stakeholders in this thread.

Now is everyone paying attention? The bidet does not replace the toilet or the paper.

Spaw - I seriously doubt any device of this size could get up to fire hose pressure. So your sac could not be blasted off unless it is already detachable. If you have prosthetic nut sac should you have shared that with us before?

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 04:50 PM

First mate on the shit?

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 04:48 PM

Is that what they mean by butt-ler??

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 04:47 PM

If you were really rich can ya hire someone to do that? I mean inquiring minds want to know :-) What would the job title be ..?

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 04:35 PM

VT, I knew SOMEbuddy would get that one.

* = a certain pucker prone area.....

BTW until this thread I had never even heard of a "taint."

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:57 PM

Dear Spaw, one doesn't wash the poo, no matter how huge or copious. One washes one 'parts'. Are you trying to tell me your bits are so enormous you'd need three gallons of water to clean them? Impressive!

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:10 PM

I dunno VT......I went up to a computerized machine once named "Mother's Care" that was supposed to take total care of you. It cleaned my ass, applied some cream, and then it went nuts! It slapped me in the face with a powder puff, filled my navel with deodorant, ironed my shirt while I was wearing it, and sewed a button on the end of my dick....................

I'll pass on the bidet.....


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 01:01 PM

Pissing myself laughing, Susan. The unreachable star. That is beautiful.


Still no answer to first question... or are North American males unable to speak publicly about their bidet experiences if they have ever had one?

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 10:51 AM

That's it, since we are all folkies I say it is back to the outhouse and the sear catalogs

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 07:51 AM

VT, sponges on sticks actually works. Oh it may seem funny NOW, but people PMing during a bad-back interlude will get a discreet and helpful reply about a good way to reach the unreachable star when the back just will not and should not twist or bend.

:~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 03:56 PM

Yer shittin me.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 03:45 PM

...have never taken on of MY shits.

I should hope not! Taking one of them would be stealing and you can go to jail for that.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 03:37 PM

LMAO........

"Do what they do all over Africa. Take a nice water-filled, special multi-coloured plastic pot with a long spout into the loo. Use it to wash and rinse all parts thoroughly. Come out odour-free and spotlessly clean. Excellent!"

Yeah, right......Obviously these people have never taken on of MY shits. I would hope your special little plastic pot holds about two or three gallons. You'll have to excuse me from not taking sanitary information from the third world.............

btw, you spelled odor and colored incorrectly. LMAO


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 02:33 PM

In SanFran, that woulde be "tickled my Nancy".

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: olddude
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 02:44 PM

Is that what they mean when they say "tickled my fancy?"

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 07:51 AM

Do what they do all over Africa. Take a nice water-filled, special multi-coloured plastic pot with a long spout into the loo. Use it to wash and rinse all parts thoroughly. Come out odour-free and spotlessly clean. Excellent!

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:22 PM

My fear is I would mistake it for a water fountain

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:20 PM

I gave a DYI answer, too. Lots cheaper and good indoors and out. You can even hook it up to an outhouse.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:18 PM

That wus mee.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:10 PM

Sorrie. Dumb foks.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 10:09 PM

Jesus H, you people are seriously sick. The lady asks a question and what? Yeah, right. Dum foks.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 09:02 PM

bidet talk

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:58 PM

If you use a power sprayer conversion, make sure the settings are set at low psi.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:42 PM

It IS an indoor solution. Ya hook up the hose and turn 'er on when you need 'er. Use a Y-valve and ya kin use both the hose and the sink faucet, but not at the same time.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 07:57 PM

. . . but first . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 07:50 PM

"don't push button number 1"

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 05:37 PM

$600 is expensive, but tp does not have the same efficiency.

Save $ and try this inexpensive option:

simple bidet

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 05:32 PM

I had to do a bit of reading to understand how it works, as I 'thought' they were always separate porcelain appliances from the toilet.

Evidently, you CAN turn it on & off.....I was imagining it running continuously when you sat down.

Hmmmm...water temp adjustable...stream is variable....

$600....nawww... I can buy a lot of good tp for that.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 05:13 PM

Massage mode?

Fear of going gay is ridiculous but I do have a fear the damn thing would go whacko and blast my bag off............


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 04:55 PM

VT, ignore Rap for a minute. Here's whatcha need.

1) To make the poop (a substance with lotsa names, not all polite) manageable, one must eat a balanced diet with fiber and fruit, and drink eight glasses of liquid per day. This regimen will keep the stool firm yet malleable and pliable. Notice that the ends of the effluence (sometimes called turds by the uncouth) are tapered. That is to prevent the anal orifice (anal sphincter or again from the uncouth, asshole) from slamming shut when one 'does one's business'.

2) My argument against the bidet is this: what about those days when the effluence (we can dispense with the rude words from now on) coats the cheeks of one's gluteus maximus such that it would take hours to wash it off. NO, I say. One needs grass, leaves, paper (non-glossy if possible) to actually wipe the now-offending substance away, else one will smell like effluence. Instead, be prepared to tear off a sleeve or use one's underwear (knickers I think is the British name) to wipe said area, the source of the odor which causes people to move away and upwind.

3) Using the pi ratio, it's easy to see that much of a toilet tissue roll is the thing the paper is wrapped around. Get rid of that, and one can comfortably carry sufficient tissue for a three-episode-bout with said difficulty with little or no difficulty.

4) Sand also works as a wiper, but it has certain drawbacks that need not be elucidated here.

The End

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 03:42 PM

ahh Rap. You disappoint me. You were one of the few I expected to have a real technical INDOOR solution to the problem. Something along the line of sponges on sticks.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 03:26 PM

Shucks, out here in The West we jist hook up a garden hose to the pump and off ya go! Iffen ya don't got lectricity ya kin use a hand pump er hook 'er up to the windmill. In fact, way out on the range we jist hook up a hose ta the windmill that supplies water to them cow critters an' we're all set. Ya jist reach up and an' turn the Y-valve from critters ta you and there's no problems atall, as long as ya remember ta undress first cuz otherwise you're gonna mount up soppin' wet. Gotta make sure ta turn the Y-valve back tother way, too. 'Course ya gotta leave yer hat an' boots on, cuz ya always gotta have yer boots and hat on. 'Tain't perlite otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 02:50 PM

Perfect segue to a Red Green type competition. Solve the problem of lack of asswipe and Swash on the fritz. (apologies to Fritz).

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: gnu
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 02:45 PM

But, if you ran out of swipe and the bidet went on the fritz, you'd be shit outta luck.

Subject: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 02:38 PM

Who wouldn't want a DIY bidet?

I know they've been on the market for some time, but this article is too funny not to share.

So who'll be the first mudcat man of North American persuasion to admit he has used and likes using bidets?

This so needs a Red Green application.