BS: misfortunes

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 08 Oct 02 - 09:28 AM

Ha! Made me think of one in that vein.

Abandon all hope. If you have already abandoned all hope, disregard this notice.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Peter T.
Date: 08 Oct 02 - 09:19 AM

You are turning into the sort of person who seeks guidance from fortune cookies.



Do not open this fortune cookie. Opening this fortune cookie will bring on terrible trouble. If you have broken it open to read this fortune, I pity you.



Keep smiling, and make sure no one else can read this fortune. Now make up something that sounds like a fortune cookie fortune. Slowly get up from your chair, and say you have to go to the toilet. There is a back door exit to the restaurant just behind the men's washroom. Take it, go home, and forget that you ever knew the people you were with, what you ordered, and your waiter. They are already as good as dead. This is not a joke.


yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 08 Oct 02 - 08:59 AM

You will be that guy who women's mothers nag them to marry.

You will meet a tall dark strangler.

You'll be held captive for years by a blind man who forces you to read Dickens to him.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 08 Oct 02 - 12:27 AM

Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.

The grass is always greener than its weakest link.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 06:16 PM

Man who bounce woman on bedspring, have off-spring, next Spring.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: GUEST,fred Miller
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 05:54 PM

Thanks yall. I came up with a few more.

Your greatest acheivement will be in the field of Tidying Up.

70% of the fascinating information you've read is wrong.

Everytime you reach back around to plug something in the prongs will be backwards.

Something good is right around the corner and it will stay that way.

You will realise too late that you were meant to be a rodeo clown.

You'll never find the right haircut.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 01:23 PM

That wasn't chicken.

You will meet a tall handsome stranger who will ignore you.

The love of your life has already gone.

You will take a long journey, the opposite way to your luggage.

The Nirvana you seek is the one you left first.

Life isn't too short to stuff mushrooms, unless you are stuffing a matress with them.

Every silver lining has a cloud.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

The grass is greener on the otherside, but they have astroturf.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 01:23 PM

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Don Firth
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 01:16 PM

Congratulations! You now have the Asian flu.
Your fly is open.
Be careful! Your spouse knows!

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Morticia
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 01:11 PM

Even children of five will not find you funny
You will fall for an itinerant bodrhan player
Your dental hygenist tells you nothing more can be done

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: mack/misophist
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 10:57 AM

Your dog will become embarassed in your presence.
Skunks find your scent attractive.
Your picture is on a milk carton and people draw mustaches on it.

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Micca
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 10:12 AM

Speak your weight machines will offer you a refund
Just when you think things cannot get worse you will step in something.
Elephants may become friendly and rub against you.
You will develope a taste for lilac velvet furnishings..

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 09:52 AM

You will live in unintersting times, amongst those responsibles.

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Your relatives will expect you to pay them.

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You will fall in love with someone from a different species.

A

Subject: RE: BS: misfortunes
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 09:39 AM

Man who flies face down has crack-up.

Subject: BS: misfortunes
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 07 Oct 02 - 09:26 AM

I need help writing a batch of one-line misfortunes in a fortune-cookie format. My daughter started it last year for a party, and we had a bunch, but cant find them, and I only remember a couple.

Hers, which set the standard, was A man who eats cream-corn with his mouth open will have a crush on you.

Four adults' combined efforts never surpassed that one, we came up with things like You will be famous for less than 15 minutes, but nothing so vividly dreadful as her first one.