BS: bloody relationships

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST,Jeaniekoala
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 03:03 PM

awwwwwww, thank you so much Nathan for posting this.. it means a great deal to me ... I love you so much and I am so sorry to you and all your friends here a mudcat for the fight we had here.

and mostly of all I am ashamed of myself and really regret outing you in that other thread.

I care about you so much Nathan.... I wouldnt never jeopardise your health for anything.

Love you Nathan and I am glad we are trying to sort this out :) .. thank you.


Jeanie in Australia.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Amergin
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM

Well, as you all know..me and her had a blue again...that kind of disentegrated our relationship in front of you...and I am apologise to you all for having to witness that...and instead of posting a new thread and polluting the mudcat more with my woes...I have decided to post in this one...

She is truly a lovable sweet person and would never stop me from having my medication...no matter what impression I may have given in the other thread...and sending me tht money to help things out is a great sign of the sweet person she is...

She also has the most infectious giggle and thinks I am funny...so those are two more great pluses for her... ;)

Me and her are in the process of communicating and trying to work things out...for we do love each other...and all couples have their ups and downs...the ones that survive work things out...

Thank you all for your support.

nathan

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Allan C.
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 10:02 AM

Communication is everything. Do it freely and often. Remain receptive and open. If you don't understand something - ask.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 03:41 AM

Ah, that is so excellent - I'm really pleased for you. I had a feeling it wouldn't be over just like that. You have the lines of communication open and that is the main thing. As long as they stay open you can deal with things as they come up, and the relationship will continue to grow stronger.

You don't know me, but if you like, you could PM me here in Oz, if you would like to talk. I think I have been through a lot of similar stuff to you.

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 04:55 PM

People who love you want to do nice things for you. That's just the way it is. And sometimes people who are sick, do and say things they don't mean to. If the both of you are willing to work together, and commit to it, then you have nothing to fear.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: lady penelope
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 04:44 PM

{{{{{{{{HUGS ALL ROUND}}}}}}}}}}

Trust each other. Trust that she loves you and that you love her. It won't solve everything but it's the start that every relationship needs.

Much love luck and happiness

TTFN Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Bassic
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 04:43 PM

Glad it has sorted its self. PM me if you feel like it, think we have lots in common, might help both of us to chat.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 04:35 PM

You might do better to cut down on trying to analyse everything....

"...self protection mode...into a shell...my own insecurities..."

"Then we talked about other things" - that's more like it.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: artbrooks
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 03:46 PM

Congratulations!!

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 03:11 PM

Thanks everyone.

It appears I spoke a bit too soon. I got her down for a chat and we talked abit about our insecurities. LIke how she goes into self protection mode and so goes into a shell to prevent herself from being hurt, mainly because she has bbeen hurt so bad before.

Then we talked about my own insecurities, to make her understand that she is not the only one who has been hurt badly in the past...

Then we talked about other things and I said that I could be there in a few months if we work together. She made me promise to accept her help.
So everything is cool now.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 10:35 PM

No, I'd say don't give up yet. Give her a couple of days to cool down a bit and get over her illness, then try again. She wouldn't have stopped loving you overnight, and I get the impression you still love her, so it is worth fighting for. Read what some of us have said, and maybe take a different approach when talking to her. As I said before, good luck.

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 09:41 PM

Since I think I know who this is and promised not to Out, it seems a bit 'normal' for that person to me.....sorry, poster,but that is the way I see it.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Bassic
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 08:50 PM

Tomorrow is annother day. And frankly, I think you DO give a damn!!

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 07:07 PM

All seems a bit abrupt.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 06:43 PM

yep....it's over...so much for happiness in this fucking life...

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 02:39 PM

well it looks like she is giving up, though she is very sick right now. I also keep telling her that things are not dire and that together I could be with her by January, which is alot sooner than previously planned...by many many months. I just dunno what to do.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM

I think being in the financial position you are in is making you oversensitive. You seem to be perceiving her loving act as some sort of charity - something which diminishes you.

I understand that kind of thinking. I have never had much money and it is sometimes very hard to receive and still feel self-respect. It's called false pride, and unchecked, it can put a wedge between you and anybody who tries to get close to you.

But one thing I have learned over the years is that people love giving, especially to someone they love, and any idea I have that accepting these gifts of love makes them better than me, is coming from my own insecurity and feeling of unworthiness. Being able to receive is probably one of the big lessons of life.

Right now she is probably feeling rejected and misunderstood. If you can open yourself up and learn to accept her gifts of love as just that, You will be able to remove the wedge. So she is able to do things for you more than you can for her right now - so what? Somewhere down the track it will be the other way round, and you will have the pleasure of giving.

It's all give and take in the grand scheme of things - and don't forget there is a lot you can give that you don't need money for. Give her the gift of love and appreciation, and she will feel loved. Good luck!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Bert
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 10:21 PM

Here's a song for ya.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 08:23 PM

Face to face communication doesn't necessarily prevent these kind of stupid misunderstandings. Face to face people can say hurtful things to each other that they wouldn't if communicating over a distance meant they had to think about it for a moment.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Bassic
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 08:13 PM

The woman loves YOU, she just gave you the shirt off her back because she wants YOU, not your stupid pride. If you truly love her then tell her the truth. You are stupid, ignorant, self centered and have as much insight into the workings of the female mind as ................well, the rest of us males.
Be a man, give help when you can, be big enough to accept it (with good grace), when you need it, it all ballances out in the end. And yes, anything other than face to face communication is frought with perrils. You never get all the message. Good luck, I hope you both sort this out and can get back to the task in hand, getting TOGETHER!!

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Morticia
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 06:32 PM

I voiced my conern over this telling ehr that i appreciate it but i didn't want it to drive a wedge between us

but ironically, that is just what you have done.I am going with others here.....grovel.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 06:07 PM

"...in another country..." - sounds like there might be a misunderstanding between you based on the different way people in different ciuntyries go about reading between the lines;on top of teh different way people of different genders go about reading between the lines.

So stop trying to read between the lines and work out what she's thinking, and expecting her to understand what you really mean and all that. Tell her you're a clumsy oaf and ask her to forgive you, and thank her for being so generous.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 05:12 PM

The hardest lesson you ever learn in a partnership is how to receive, especially when the other person is in better circumstances than you.

The next hardest lesson is to learn when not to give. Sooner or later, you run out of things to give and you are left with nothing but yourself. Whilst that can be the most precious gift of all, if it means losing who and what you are yourself, then the price could be too high.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: NicoleC
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 05:06 PM

Count your blessings that she wants to help out -- it means she is trying to hasten the day you can be together. I suspect her current depression might be because your refusal to accept might be interpretted as reluctance to move ahead.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: Dead Horse
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 05:03 PM

Learn to share. And it means taking as well as giving.
If you cant take, then dont expect to give.
That goes for everything, not just material gifts.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: artbrooks
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 04:48 PM

Well, without being rude about it... Accept the fact that people help out those they are close to, and don't be quite so unaccepting of her attempts to make your (hopefully still) upcoming partnership a reality. Consider what you would do if the situation were reversed...I expect you'd do your best to help her through a temporary tight spot. I'd suggest you tell her that you need to get used to the idea of sharing, and that you want an opportunity to do so.

I've been married for 33+ years, and retired about 2 years ago. Herself is still working, and it has taken a lot for us both (especially me) to get used to the idea that she is now the principle earner, and its really ok if I don't pay for everything. It is probably even harder (and I can't remember back that far) if you've been used to being independent and now will be part of a couple.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 04:10 PM

GROVEL! If she's worth it, grovel or whatever else...

Subject: BS: bloody relationships
From: GUEST,don't wish to be known
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 04:09 PM

Well, I got a long distance relationship with a lovely woman in another country. We have met and are engaged. Currently I am trying to pay off everything I owe for car, computer and all, and then sort things out and go to be with her. One problem is that I am on the dole and have been for the last month or so. well today I got a parcel with some gifts and sweets and some money that she had left over from our holiday. I voiced my conern over this telling ehr that i appreciate it but i didn't want it to drive a wedge between us and that I didn't want her to resent me for sending me her hard earned money to help me out. Well, she got upset and is now breaking things off. She has said that before but it was only in the heat of the moment and when things got sorted out we were happy again. Now she is also very sick and depreseed so I don't know if it is that talking.
but I don't know now. I love her dearly I know she loves me, but now i am afraid of losing her.