Lyr Req: The Oldest Swinger in Town

Subject: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 06:41 AM

OK I cheated. I don't really need the lyrics, I got them (and they are easy enough to find on the net anyway) but as I haven't heard the song in twenty years and have now reached the age when it would be appropriate to perform it, I really need to hear it again.

So, would some kind 'Catter who owns a copy of the song on vinyl or CD allow me to phone them, and let me hear the song once more? (Once is all I need). Either in the USA or the UK, doesn't matter telephone calls are dirt cheap here.

Alternatively if it is available on the web in MP3 a link would do.

If you can PM me your phone no, and a time it would be suitable to call this weekend, I will be eternally grateful.

Thanks in advance

Murray

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Grab
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 06:59 AM

Murray, the Beautiful South do a song called that - is it the same one?

Graham.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Mudcatter
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 08:09 AM

There's a (short) MP3 clip on this page

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From:
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 05:40 PM


Ian Macintosh on "Live In Glasgow" does a grand version, but I guess we'd have to make a Paltalk date to let you hear it

Jack

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 06:12 PM

Graham, I imagine it is the same song. It was originally a hit for Fred Wedlock in Britain, but I don't think he composed it (althoiugh I could be wrong).

Mudcatter, thanks for that link, listening to it as I type. Short, as you say, but long enough to jog my memory.

I can just imagine Iain MacIntosh singing this ! Although from what I have heard, the line
"It takes all night to do what you used to do all night" doesn't apply in his case .........

Murray

Subject: LYR ADD: Breathalysed (Wedlock)
From: Brendy
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:24 AM

I'm looking out for 'The Oldest...', but from the same album (with singular guitar accompaniment by Chris Newman) is this one:

BREATHALYSED (Tune: Yesterday [The Beatles])

Fred Wedlock

Breathalysed.
Crystals turning green before my eyes.
I turn yellow as I realise
That I have just been breathalysed.

Suddenly.
There's a policeman looking down at me.
I'd like to thump him, but he's six-foot-three
And I should like to stay alive.

CHORUS
I did something wrong, and I know it was a beaut.
When he pulled me in, and I parked upon his foot.
So, gently

I was sick.
When they took me down the local Nick
I never saw a Sergeant move so quick,
But not so quick, as I was sick

CHORUS
They said, "We want your blood to test for alcohol"
"Go away", I said, "and get knotted Dracula...
Ahhh...Ahhh, Ahhh"

Analysed.
Five hundred milligrams per hundred ml.
Now they reckon I'm a walking still,
And I shall soon be penalised.

Yesterday.
All my troubles seemed so far away.
Now I'll take back those rude things I said
Nice big red bus please come my way.

B.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 04:18 PM

Nice one Brendy. And you have jogged my memory, Chris Newman was in fact the co-writer with Fred, of "Oldest Swinger in Town".

Murray

Subject: Lyr Add: OLDEST SWINGER IN TOWN (Newman, Pickford)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 12:43 AM

OK, Murray, maybe you don't need the words, but I think it would be a good addition to our collection anyway.

Found at Henry's Songbook

OLDEST SWINGER IN TOWN
(Chris Newman / Ed Pickford)

When you score with a chick in a disco bar,
Take her home in your hairy little car,
Then you find you went to school with her Ma and Pa,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

When you won't look in a mirror in the light of day,
Swear you dyed it when your hair turns grey,
When you zip up your Wranglers and your belly's in the way,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

Here you come and there you go:
Wire wheel-spokes and a stereo,
But the engine's clapped, and the driver also
Is the oldest swinger in town.

When your barber takes a little less time each week,
The kids don't understand a word you speak;
When you walk into a disco and they offer you a seat,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

You prefer a pint of mild to Bacardi and Coke.
The songs are too loud and there's too much smoke.
You'd like another dance but you're scared you'll have a stroke.
You're the oldest swinger in town.

Here you come with your chest all bare:
A little gold ingot and a lot of gold hair,
Like the disco king meets Yogi Bear.
You're the oldest swinger in town.

When you're feeling as stiff as a skinhead's boot,
Rub on Vick where you used to splash Brut,
And the latest punk fashion is your wedding suit,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

When you have to go shopping for your sex appeal:
Travolta shades and nine-inch heels,
You say a man is just as old as the woman he feels,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

Here you come with your lips closed tight.
You never smile. You know it wouldn't look right
'Cause your dentures glow in ultra-violet light.
You're the oldest swinger in town

And you look so mean 'cause your pants are too tight.
You're the oldest swinger in town.

And it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.
You're the oldest swinger in town.

(As sung by Fred Wedlock)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 04:39 AM

Can shed a lot of light on this. The song is by Ed Pickford a North East (England) singer/songwriter who used to play with Mike Elliot in the Northern Front. It was indeed recorded by Iain MacKintosh and for a short while I organised Iain's tours in England. At the time I ran a Folk Club in Aspley Guise in Bedfordshire. I also booked the aforementioned Fred Wedlock. Fred stayed at my house after the gig and I played him Iain's version of the song. He liked it and wrote down the words. His guitarist at the time was Chris Newman. Chris didn't stay at my house , he had relatives in the area. I can only assume that Fred tried to remember the tune because his version is different from Iain's and therefore I think that's why it may be credited to Chris Newman also ,but in reality it's Ed Pickford's. Here endeth the lesson and I'm to blame

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 04:40 AM

We were lucky enough to have Fred do an after dinner spot at the Bristol Corn Trade Dinner last November. He, of course, finished with this show stopper, but the whole hour was a hoot. I had a few words with him before the dinner, and reminded him that we'd met before, at the Classic Boat Festival, at the old concrete frigate, HMS Shotley, in Suffolk.

Great guy.

Skipjack

ps Brendy, good to see you. He did Breathalysed, too.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 09:15 AM

Yes, good to see the lyrics posted, Jim. I had to make a few minor changes to suit American sensibilities.

"scoring with a ckick in a disco bar" was a no-no, I had to change it to "hitting on a chick....". "A pint of mild" got changed to "A Shirley Temple". "Engine is clapped" became "Engine is shot".

They seem to enjoy the song here. We did it at the South Florida Folk Festival last weekend and it went down well.

Murray

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 09:56 AM

I don't think a Shirley Temple is a good equivalent of a pint of mild. A Shirley Temple is a non-alcoholic drink that looks like a cocktail but isn't. It's something you order for your kid when all the adults at the table are having cocktails and you don't want the kid to feel left out. Bars have various formulas for making them; usually it's a splash of grenadine in a glass of 7-Up. I don't think it's done so much nowadays. Why would you want to encourage a kid to pretend he's drinking alcohol?

Mild, on the other hand, contains alcohol, but it's sweeter than other kinds of beer. Mild seems to have disappeared from British pubs in recent years. Maybe it lost out in the competition with lager. As for why it's mentioned in the song, my best guess is that it's meant to convey an old-fashioned taste. I'd suggest "shot of bourbon" as a better equivalent, and it seems to fit the meter.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Snuffy
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 10:08 AM

The stereotype mild drinker is the toothless old gaffer in the public bar wearing a cloth cap and muffler and playing dominoes.

Very far from the truth - I don't have a muffler!

No idea what the American equivalent is though.

WassaiL! V

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 12:43 PM

I do take your point Jim, and I agree that a "Shirley Temple" is a far cry from a pint of mild , but I don't think that audiences would latch on to what a "shot of bourbon" would be trying to convey.

A "Shirley Temple" indicates that the old geezer can't drink alcohol any more, which kind of fits in with his inability to dance and to tolerate music at high volume. But yes, it does change the original meaning of the song. Still, that's the fok process isn't it? *G*

Murray

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'
From: GUEST,Kay Hope
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 03:13 AM

Harking back to my youger days, I remember hearing this song on radio and thinking it was hysterical. Now I'm splitting residence between Palatka, Florida and Nuneaton, England. I frequent a bar in Palatka where there are the same old 'same old' (aka blokes still doing what they should have given up 20 years ago) so I decided to put 'The Oldest Swinger In Town' on my latest karaoke cd (the darned fools cannot get enough of the english accent bit) and it has been a huge hit. They don't even realise I'm taking the mickey. Great fun. thank you so much Fred for the opportunity to slate someone without them even noticing! Oh, and by the way, I still have difficulty singing it without laughing.