BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Dec 25 - 07:27 PM

As for my neighbors staying out of trouble,
I had supper in the dining hall this weekend with two fellow residents
who live down the hall with their pet cat Angus, whom I have not met.
One of the ladies recalled a dining room disaster from a few years ago,
when she tripped on the rug and landed face first, breaking her nose.
Ambulance to the ER and so on. She can laugh about it now.
You wouldn't know to look at her that her nose had been broken.
What a scary thing.
But ambulances are well acquainted with our retirement community. It is teaching me to walk slowly and carefully.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 14 Dec 25 - 05:13 AM

It is teaching me to walk slowly and carefully.

Be careful not to talk yourself into being old.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 25 - 11:26 AM

In the radio news headlines this morning my ears perked up about the murder of Rob Reiner. The BBC news was on covering non-US stuff so I pulled up the New York Times report. His father Carl is still alive (98), but I fear the loss of Rob and Michele, possibly at the hands of his grandson, is going to take out both Carl and his best friend Mel Brooks, who was so tight with that family.

That family is going to have a terrible time sorting out the trouble ahead. Murders don't usually happen without anger and/or mental illness accelerating the violence.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Dec 25 - 03:48 PM

According to The Guardian, Carl Reiner died in 2020.
A terrible tragedy, what just happened.
Mental illness is a terrible scourge.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 25 - 07:19 AM

Troublemakers wanted for Democracy.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 25 - 10:43 AM

I was mistaken, Carl Reiner passed away in 2020. Just as well, to be spared this pain. It's something that occurs to me these days, as horrific things happen in the world, what would my parents have thought of them.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: r.padgett
Date: 21 Dec 25 - 01:09 PM

I have had my fb pages deleted it seems ~ I assume my political messages have got through to someone in US ~ I have lost my folk group and all contacts in UK and beyond ~ I cannot also use twitter/X

I am still alive thanks

Ray

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 25 - 01:13 PM

FB has opaque policies and seems to act when malcontents complain about accounts. Good luck in finding anything to restore.

I missed keb's correction here after my Reiner post (thanks), it has been a week of headaches from allergies that don't bode well for depth and accuracy. I've upped the medications to try for some control of symptoms.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Dec 25 - 04:57 PM

Update to my post of July 7 of this year.
I reported on my friend's prison ministry, and on one parolee who was born in Vietnam. ICE detained him and deported him to Vietnam in September.

I wrote recently to my friend the prison chaplain.
Her response is so sad:
the parolee was found dead in his Vietnam apartment in early November.
The chaplain didn't say the cause of death.
I guess the former prisoner is in a better place now.
But the people he left behind are in mourning,
especially the chaplain:
she says he was like a son to her.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Dec 25 - 06:57 PM

Mention was made of Hildegard von Bingen.
My chorus is one of several choruses under one umbrella, actually.
One of the choruses is a group of teenage girls called Melodious Accord.
They opened our Christmas concerts with
Hildegard von Bingen's "Ave generosa",
it was hypnotic and it set a tone for the rest of the concert.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 24 Dec 25 - 07:49 PM

I love Hildegard von Bingen's music. I wish I had been there to hear it.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Dec 25 - 08:14 PM

I'm with Helen - that would have been wonderful to hear.

Best wishes for a Christmas season full of peace and love, keberoxu.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 24 Dec 25 - 11:01 PM

I have similar sense of wonder for these songs on a CD set Vivaldi's Complete Sacred Choral Works:

Domine Deus, Rex Coelestis
Domine Deus, Agnus Dei
RV 595: Dixit Dominus, in D: 07. Judicabit

And on Bobby McFerrin's Paper Music CD:

Vivaldi Cello II: Largo

And one of my all-time favourite orchestral pieces by Anton Bruch:

Adagio Appassionato for violin & orchestra, Op 57

Music like these pieces take me into another more peaceful world.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Dec 25 - 04:38 PM

I am getting used to the foibles of my fellow residents at the retirement community, in Independent Living.
The nosy neighbor who moved to Assisted Living, is fiercely hanging on to the relationships and associations
that she has in Independent Living.
Although Assisted Living has its own dining room,
every chance she gets she is someone's guest in the INdependent Living dining room, so I see her at lunch and dinner.
And then there's the happy hour that she runs on my floor.
Yes, even though she has moved, she still runs the happy hour every week
and she still implores me to come back to it. Shudder.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 25 - 05:15 PM

Good luck having a social life while she lingers in your part of the facility. Have you done any more reviews for their newsletter?

I think I'm prepared to do some cleanup on a new website (under development now, but I still haven't gotten my hands on it). The old site had a lot of junk that I've quietly unpublished or set to not view in any directories, but there was a lot more of that to do. The new site is supposedly moving everything from there so who knows how much junk I'll still have to clean out.

With new people running parts of it and many changes ahead, they could decide to shift work away from me, though so far it sounds like I will have more work. Whichever, if the operation goes pear-shaped and I'm out of work, I'm ok with it. I have other things to do (and staying afloat won't be too difficult). I've saved the wages for the last year's part-time work for a modest buffer.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 25 - 02:20 PM

A friend is trying to figure out how to set up a portable surface on which to work jigsaw puzzles. In a small apartment and with four cats. She's disabled so uses a motorized chair or sits in a large recliner.

Inventing the right device that can be moved out of the way without disturbing the puzzle under construction will keep her out of trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 31 Dec 25 - 05:18 PM

SRS, my sister recently started doing jigsaw puzzles and has been on the hunt for a portable jigsaw board and found one which suits her jigsaw requirements. There are a few on the market and they have different methods for keeping the jigsaw pieces in place while the board is not being used.

I did a quick search and found some hits for

jigsaw board portable foldable

Some are very expensive but others are more affordable, or the information and images may help to design a workable solution at home.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 25 - 07:41 PM

We've looked at and compared notes on several of them. Part of it has to do with the approach to putting together a puzzle. She likes the side trays for pieces and she starts with a clear field and putting the outer edge together, bringing in pieces from the side. I usually start with everything in the middle and sometimes go for a large charismatic part that is easy to start with and build from (my last one shared on Instagram, for example, where a distinct color of sunset on one area was where I started). So she's more interested in trays with a central workspace and side panels or drawers to put other pieces and then pull them to the middle and not disturb anything when putting it away until next time. I work my puzzles on a table dedicated to this activity that has an acrylic cover to clip on at the sides of the table to keep the piece in place when I'm not there.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 31 Dec 25 - 08:17 PM

I haven't done jigsaws for decades but I used to always try to put the outside edges together first and then work from there, or look for the obvious larger parts of the image like your sunset.

A decade or so ago I used to do online jigsaw puzzles. That was fun, and I could even create some from my own images.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jan 26 - 09:43 AM

Staying out of trouble on New Year's Day means
dodging the little brunch that my very social floor/hallway
is hosting starting at 11 in the morning.
I'll just plan on going to lunch at noon in the dining hall,
having had breakfast already.
Not very sociable of me, but better for my sanity.
I'll just wish them Happy New Year from a safe distance.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 01 Jan 26 - 12:33 PM

I can totally relate to that, keberoxu. Doing what is best for you is a good thing.

Hubby and I did our usual NYE activities, i.e. ignoring it. We used to be able to see the 9.30 pm harbour fireworks from our upstairs balcony but the trees on the hill a few streets away have now blocked the view. We were asleep soon after and didn't even say Happy New Year to each other. We never stay up until midnight and now the local harbour fireworks only happen earlier and not at midnight.

My big gripe every year is that the supermarkets already have hot cross Easter buns and are advertising them in their catalogues. Give us a break! That's months away! We haven't recovered from the silly season yet! :-D

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 26 - 11:58 AM

I have a few visits to make soon, people I haven't seen for a while face-to-face who don't get out much. I'll deliver some homemade breads or cinnamon rolls to sweeten the visit.

The time right after xmas and the new year are statistically when there are more deaths (or this used to be the case - my mom the social worker had lots of odd facts about this kind of thing). The excitement of the holidays and visiting is followed by the darker quiet months of winter (perhaps this is just a northern hemisphere phenomon) of nothing to look forward to. Getting through the dark months is another way to stay afloat, so everyone, take care of yourselves.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 02 Jan 26 - 12:50 PM

Interesting SRS. So maybe the hot cross buns are for treating PXD (Post Xmas Depression). I should look at them with a more positive view. Like the cinnamon dough, the message is "He is risen". I'm trying to shift my view to a more positive one, instead of my cynical view of supermarkets looking for the next big marketing opportunity. :-)

Down here in full summer we don't get the winter blues straight after Christmas but some people do get sad or down, especially if they are missing their loved ones. Also, SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is often associated with less exposure to sun in winter.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 26 - 04:19 PM

Helen, I think it has to do in particular with older people in poor health and people fighting terminal illnesses, something about the energy boost of the holidays and looking forward to things keeps them going, and that runs out after the holidays.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 02 Jan 26 - 05:02 PM

Yes, the big high after the long build-up, and then the long slow let-down.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Jan 26 - 07:37 PM

From my university days, I remember that the roughest month was February;
I called it the infirmary month, because that was when students tended to show up at the infirmary with the flu or serious viruses.

I'm not going to post again, change of subject,
to the Bardot obituary thread.
But I used searches to look up the occasions where
she was convicted under France's hate speech laws,
she had to pay fines something like six separate times.
It leaves a nasty taste in the mouth, I must say. Phew.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 26 - 09:09 PM

I read this just after I posted links to two obits for her. I think The Guardian gave her a bit of a pass about her hate speech acts and fines.

Today I shopped for the ex then set up a website called Giftster that our daughter set up (so we can avoid using Amazon for our family list - Amazon might appear in someone's choices if they share the URL, but it is more versatile for lists and lets you mark things as purchased while the person who posted the list doesn't see a change.) This month I am going to get him to an orthopedist one way or another. He's getting too comfortable with me driving him around and shopping, and it's time he solve the trouble with that knee.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 26 - 12:45 PM

The sad task that various people take on is to start threads here for Mudcatters who are barely staying afloat, and today was my turn, to start a thread with information from George Papavgeris's daughter about his state of illness (grave; no more treatments available.) Especially difficult when it is for such a really nice person as George.

It serves as a reminder that when given the choice, be kind. I think he's one of those people who embodies that philosophy. Something I wish I was better at.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 26 - 03:31 PM

Tomorrow! Oh, goody! I have a NUCLEAR stress test! Then in about a week, both an endoscopy AND a colonoscopy in the same appointment! “Doctors! There’s a light at the end of the tunnel!”

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 01:14 AM

Sorry. This is a bit of a long story.

Just letting you know about a family issue which has been going on for a couple of months - well, actually about a year or more. I've been crying about it. The important point here is that I *cry* when I am *angry*! I am *really, really* angry, and have been for weeks.

My Aunt, my Dad's brother's wife, passed away a couple of months ago. I have known her my whole life.

She was a strong woman, could be confronting, but very inspirational and determined in her life. She achieved a lot, but also managed to p1$$ some people off at times. A bit like me, I guess. I'm good at p1$$ing people off. LOL.

I only found out she had passed away when I happened to see one of her neighbours. That neighbour also told me that my Aunt had been hijacked by a couple of relatives on her side of the family. Twice! Once to take her down south and the story was that she "would never be coming back", but she did, and the second time to plonk her unceremoniously and without any warning into an aged care facility due to her worsening dementia.

My relatives never told me any of that. Nothing! Not one measly bit of information! They also didn't tell me when she had become very ill and was in a serious condition in hospital, or that she was dying. I could have gone to sit with her, help her to move on.

They also didn't tell me - or any of my side of the family - that she had passed away. As far as I know she died alone. Again, the neighbour who I see now and then gave me the news. She phoned me to tell me.

For God's sake! What was the family thinking? Do they not care about family at all?

When I contacted my relative on my Dad's side of the family, all I got was side-stepping and very little actual, factual information. That relative told me that my Aunt had already had a private cremation. There was no notice in the local paper until about a week or so later.

I have been chasing it up ever since, especially about the possible memorial service for my Aunt.

Finally, today, two whole months later, I know with absolute certainty that the memorial will be happening this week. Most of my Aunt's friends and neighbours may not even know about it yet. Some have even left Christmas presents at her front door, not knowing that she has passed away.

I will be placing a notice in the local newspaper to make sure as many of her friends and neighbours know about it.

All I can say about this whole shemozzle is - WTF?! WTAF?! What in God's name is going on?

Unbelievable! And do you want to know what I think? It's all about money. Financially, she and my Uncle did all right and I think the vultures have been circling for some time.

I couldn't care less about the money aspect. I care the most about respecting a loved member of my family, a strong, inspirational woman I have known for all of my life. When I was growing up I lived near to them and saw them quite often, but the family on her side lived further away and may have only seen her a few times in their lives. She and my Uncle were a strong, loving part of my family life and also the lives of my father and mother, and my father's family.

My Uncle passed away about 20 years ago. He survived being a WWII prisoner of war in Changi but he was the loveliest person you could ever meet.

His philosophy was you can forgive but you don't have to forget.

I'll have to focus my energy on that philosophy, but it might take me a while to find that balance.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 02:21 AM

what a saga, I'm hoping the balance doesn't take too long to find.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 02:48 AM

Thanks Sandra. At the moment I'm totally out of balance, but I am sure it will come, especially after the memorial service is completed.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 01:51 PM

I sympathise more than is comfortable, Helen: for the last months of my father's life, he'd been parked in a place which simply couldn't be called a "care home" without contravening the Trades Desciptions Act,* and I'm convinced that it accelerated his decline. There is still residual bad blood on my side of the family, over a year later. (It was entirely fitting, and would have suited my father's sense of humour and of justice, that he died two days before the next month's payment to the alleged "care home" was due.)

* Good to view, hell to endure; expensive, but cheaply done. The expression "fur coat and no knickers" was used, more than once, by those of us who saw the lack of staff, and of care, behind the glossy front.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 02:34 PM

Helen,my sympathies.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 02:57 PM

Thank you Sandra, MaJoC and The Sandman. :-)

I think the Aged Care place is a good one, but my strongly independent Aunt would have been raging against the machine and the family which put her there against her will. It probably did accelerate her decline but she was 98 years old, so a very good innings and her dementia was getting worse with no chance of going anywhere but downhill from there.

My rage against the machine is not being told about all of this as it happened, step by step, and even not being told that she had passed away.

I'm hoping that after the memorial service I might calm down a bit and focus on appreciating the life she lived and the people she cared about.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 04:05 PM

goodonya, Helen

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 04:44 PM

Helen, it hurts to read that account of what your aunt was subjected to, and apparently the news of her health blocked from people who might have made her life more comfortable. Let me tell you a story that I am reminded of when reading that.

In ~ 1994 I drove east to attend a family estate sale in Pennsylvania, at the home of the three great aunts I got to meet in the years after their sister, my grandmother, (who I never met) passed away. I'd gotten to know them via letters in the late 1960s, and by 1975 was able to meet them in person when taking a train trip during my university holiday break. Later I spent several years living in the east and visited them at their summer home (near Williamsport) and they were lovely and interesting. The last survivor was in a nursing home at the time of the sale, dementia in full force, but she remembered me (thought I was my father's wife, oops). I was travelling with my youngest, an 18-month toddler who was still nursing and it was an adventure.

When I got to the nursing home it was a sunny morning and she was with others in a large glassed conservatory with chairs lining the windows. We visited for more than an hour, but the interesting thing was that my son attracted so much attention. Everyone wanted to say hello, and he ended up running around the room laughing, just out of reach of everyone seated in those chairs—they would reach out to touch his hair or brush his sleeve as he giggled and ran and they laughed back.

Our visit to my great aunt Thelma brightened the lives of a couple of dozen strangers to us. I'm sure she didn't remember my visit much after that, or that I had my son with me, but I have a memory of a whole bunch of people charmed by a little boy in a sunny room. And I offer this as a hope that your aunt had some days like that also. It takes a village, and if you weren't able to be there, I hope others were.

XOXO

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 05:16 PM

Small PS to the tale about my father: him dying at 99-and-three-quarters neatly scuppered any plans the alleged care home may have made to use his hundredth birthday as a PR stunt, which he would have detested.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 05 Jan 26 - 10:43 PM

MaJoC, I'm sad for you father's time in that place. It is not easy finding the best place to live at that stage in life, and the difference between one home and another may not even become obvious until after the deal is done. When my Dad was in hospital for a couple of weeks and said he wanted to move to a retirement village which he knew was a good one, the complexities of the paperwork were overwhelming. He passed away soon after, before we had to navigate all of that. He would probably be happy with that because he always said he wanted to stay in the house he was born in to the end of his days. He achieved that.

I think I need to take inspiration from Sir Pterry (Pratchett) and organise my end of life plan while I still have my full capabilities. I'll also have to get the DNR (Do Not Revive) tattoo on my chest.

I think that that is the really sad thing about my Aunt. I tried to start a conversation with her a couple of years earlier to see if she would investigate her options for retirement living but she abruptly and firmly changed the subject. I think she assumed she would still be firmly in control of her life to the end. By the time her dementia kicked in, she had no say at all in the matter.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Jan 26 - 03:33 PM

Helen, I'm so sorry for your loss and the way it was (not) conveyed.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 06 Jan 26 - 04:06 PM

Thanks keberoxu. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: JennieG
Date: 06 Jan 26 - 08:03 PM

Helen, have you heard of The Bottom Drawer Book? We keep meaning to buy our copies - that's on our list - it seems a very practical idea.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 06 Jan 26 - 08:14 PM

Thanks JennieG. No I haven't heard of it but it looks like we'll have to get a copy and put our plans into action.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Jan 26 - 10:07 PM

great website - I've given my sister a list (email) but a book is much better.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jan 26 - 05:19 PM

My neighbors across the street still have a pile of dirt in the yard (excavated during sewer line repair) and I think it's time to offer a food gift, so I'll do a one-two package of mashed sweet potatoes and cinnamon rolls. (I promised the rolls to another friend also, so it's past time to make them). It also gives me a chance to catch up and learn if the work is nearing completion.

As 2026 unfurls itself in spectacularly grim fashion it is possible to feel like any individual can't make a difference. To be occupying space and going through the daily routine is insufficient. I have signed myself up for two marches this month, but beyond the public display, will resume writing to my representatives. I've sent my annual letter requesting my absentee ballots (that must be mailed way early now to be sure they are postmarked in time). It feels like the two steps back slide while attempting one step forward. When a mom in her family minivan can be blown away in the street by the Trump dementors for no damn good reason, we're all equally at risk.

Trying to stay out of trouble, but it seems to be coming to us.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Helen
Date: 10 Jan 26 - 10:00 PM

Just to close my little family story, I went to the memorial service for my Aunt yesterday. The church was full, mostly women but also a number of men among the crowd. My side of the family were there, and I we finally met some of my Aunt's side of the family. (They live down south and there have not been many occasions where the two sides of the family have met.)

I had a lovely chat with some of the other side, and with my sister, her Hubby and one of her sons and his wife, and also some cousins I have not seen for a few years.

I can finally let go of all those feelings (e.g. frustration, anger, disbelief, etc) that I had and remember the good things in her life.

We have all gathered together and commemorated her life, and her niece gave a good eulogy with a few laughs added about what a strong personality she was i.e. strong willed, pushy, determined, etc.

The bad news is that currently there are a lot of bushfires in Australia so that is the big focus, although luckily our local area has been spared. The south eastern state of Victoria seems to be the worst hit area.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread (stay afloat)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jan 26 - 10:38 PM

Thanks for the update, Helen! I'm glad it went well.