BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN

Subject: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 03:15 PM

Last year was dominated in duel terms by MCFAT against Old Git the allegations of bribery and corruption continue but the new season is aproaching and Kampervan has began to throw caution to the wind by challenging said MCFat.

Last year at Beverley MCfFat and I tied the knot - It only lasts a year and a day and then I get to pick a new husband. At Beverley last year Kampervan asked to be husband number 4 so I guess its duel time again to see which of these two gallant songslayers can win the hand of a fair maid - no comments Raggy!!

Are there seconds and thirds for a Beverley Duel?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Ed.
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 03:40 PM

The vast majority of us don't care in the least.

Why don't you conduct such messages privately?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 04:24 PM

Who's Ed? and do we care?

What's the fun in doing anything privately or seriously? Who wants to be part of the vast majority. Ed obviously. Get a life get light, get light-hearted, fall in love with Red or White Rabbit, get silly.

Pleeeeeease don't get boringly judgemental

We love everybody on Mudcat

In the meantime .. bring on Banjo Jim for Glencoe the replay; aka the McDonalds lose again. Looks like a June honeymoon for us R&WR

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 06:54 AM

Dearest Ed

sorry if we have offended you but the title of the thread did give some indication of what it was about - it is a BS thread and if you dont care why look?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,MCFAT
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 07:10 AM

Ed you are talking like your TV counterpart from a number of years ago - out of your aa..............rchibald

I can only accept said duel if my twusty second sir wraggetache keeper of the Runswick Lifeboat money and Lord Kenneth of Brampton my third can attend to their duties.


I challenge you Kampervan - you soft southern jesse nana-nana -na naH - to swap as many credit cards as possible cos you're Norfolking good!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 09:56 AM

What's this?
Conditions already.
"I can only come out to play of my friends can come too". Whinge whinge. Is this the man that won the heart of R&WR? and if it is should you have?
I can't believe that she gave even the time of day to such a craven duel-dodger.

I may be resident in the sunny south (remember the sun Jim?)
but I have the heart of a man who's got a brave heart, whoever that is.
Your songs won't save you this time. You're up against a man who spent hours listening to Danny Couper play his banjo and came out SANE. So there.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Raggytash
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 02:08 PM

Swine Vamperkan, you have slighted my Leige and thus you shall feel the wrath of his venom and I, as always, shall be his trusty second, you obviously ken little of the ways of gentlemen, not unsurprising given the nature of scoundrels such as yourself.

That being said I would consider you a tad more worthy than Ed who could and perhaps should ..............off

If Numpties like him don't want to read the drivel we put on why on earth do they click on the thread, I can only ascribe it to their lack of intelligence

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 05:46 PM

Raggytash
I pay due tribute to thy valour,honour and loyalty to he who is not worthy of a listing in the credits.
But why such commitment to a paltroon who cannot come forth without a bodyguard.
I mean - Whitney Houston he is not! (she can nearly sing!)

And anyway, I've felt the roff of 'is venom before. A couple of large whiskies soon sees me alright.

And who is this Ken Little and 'is gentlemanly ways. Doesn't sound very scary to me. Another Scottish lager head I shouldn't wonder. Well just watch them all run scared when faced with a true English bitter drinker. That's someone who drinks english bitter, not someone who's english and bitter and a drinker.... oh sod it. BE AFRAID, O.K.?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 05:13 AM

'Ere we go, ere we go, ere we go,
ere we go, ere we go, ere we go-oo..!!

Sort him out good and proper this time, KV. It's about time he paid for his sculduggery and blatant sabotage of previous duels. Watch out for the jury-knobbling.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 07:16 AM

Methinks the man doth protest too muchest. I strike your cheek with my glove (or aleast a mangy oven mitt) and challengest thou pesky southern disco piss drinking unworthy knave to the duel... the survival of the fattest...it's gloves off, handbags at the ready nah nah nah sucks yah boo to you. Bring on Deanie as well we'll see you all off !!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 07:30 AM

Do you need a second, KAMPERVAN ? - I'd be pleased to oblige.

I take it that banjos breach the arms limitations conventions.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 08:03 AM

Damned decent of you Mr Bryant.Ta muchly. Offer gratefully accepted. I get the feeling that I'm going to need someone to watch my back when those supposedly chivalrous nerds get going. I can't imagine McFat limiting himself to a full frontal.

As for the banjos, well I don't use the things myself, but I fully expect that as the duel comes to a painful end (and Jimbos end will be painful), well we can expect Mc to pull something out, and it MIGHT JUST BE A BANJO.

But it will avail him little, and his dastardly cheating tictacs will only make our victory the sweeter.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 08:04 AM

Oh Oh I am quaking in my boots ............ I think not, bring on the second I'll deal with him, anyway MC who is the Vamping Clump person, do I know the scoundrel

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 09:16 AM

See me and creep    ......away oh Raggytash. For I am the largest realist strongest cleverest cleverthing that you have ever seen.

Just reflect that although I may be the last thing you ever see, at least I will be the prettiest

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 10:53 AM

But I Sire, am DASTARDLY



(yes I CAN spell, Thank you)

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 03:40 PM

That's ok then

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 02:19 AM

ooh goody they are setting up this years duel in style - I dont remember any formal slaps with gloves across the face last year!

Raggy - Kampervan has a very beautiful young daughter - you might wish to claim her for your harem

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 03:16 AM

Don't even think about it, Nicholas.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 03:59 AM

I have no fear of being claimed by Raggy - always a second, never in front!?.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 04:20 AM

I ineveriably come second .......... Is the daughter of legal age, if so she will be a welcomed addition to my harem

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 04:21 AM

Spoils of war can be bountiful to the victor

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 04:40 AM

Raggy, in the completely unlikely event of you and McFat gaining a victory (which could only be by some form of base sculduggery) will you also be expecting to drag Essex Girl off to your harem ?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 04:40 AM

After watching 'Braveheart' for the umptieth time, can I claim 'primo nuptia' rights on said daughter (He says twisting his tash and having an evil lecherous look on his face)

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,raggytash
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 05:52 AM

Oi Davy boy, you don't catch me out that easily, trying to unload one Missus, sorry old girl spoils of war, due homage etc Whilst you sod off with a new model ......... nice try but doomed to failure with me, try MC he might not spot your wily ways

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM

Well - it was worth a try ! - anyway, I don't think she'd fancy Jim !

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 01:58 PM

Oh, you poor deluded fools. Anyone who thinks that Bigbird aka daughter of Kampervan can be viewed as "The spoils of war" needs their brain cavity opening up to see what they've got in place of the brains that are so obviously missing.

Mein kinder is not just a law unto herself, she is the statute book; and she makes the rules.

Not that will worry anyone, cos the Grean Meanie from Wolfsburg is not going to be beaten by some woad wearing Scottish exile.

Anyone who didn't watch Braveheart can see what quartering aa Scot really looks like if they come along to see Jimbo slaughtered.

KV & DB are the business.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 02:39 PM

Big Bird is staying very quiet - must be scuba diving again

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 08:08 PM

Cor!! Spoils of war that go diving, Wink Wink

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 08:09 PM

with apologies to any close relatives

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 05:28 AM

..we don't need no apologies, we don't need no thought control , hey Kamper leave Fatboy alone...

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 05:54 AM

Going to Whitby this year KAMPERVAN ? - I think we'll probably have to take the fight to them as they're rather afraid of coming south. Anyway an "away win" always carries more points.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Big Bird
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 05:57 AM

Spoils of war? Be careful what you wish for Raggy! I think you'll find me a somehwhat 'disruptive' addition to your harem.

And from what I've heard, 'diving' and you would involve me running out of air before I found anything!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 06:05 AM

THWACKKKK!! KERPOWWW! Take that, Sir Rascaltash!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 06:32 AM

all in all it's just another thick Scottish brawl

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 07:45 AM

Oi Bogbird, I've got a bigbird of my own and you'll not find any in my harem who complain ........... no their all part of the new pier at Whitby.

However it is noce to know that CampingStove has some support other than his truss

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 07:46 AM

Apologies for appalling English there

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 08:48 AM

You apologising for all the apalling English then Raggy. I meam that includes Jeffrey Archer as well mate.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 09:43 AM

"you'll not find any in my harem who complain ........... no their (I think he means they're) all part of the new pier at Whitby."

Obviously Raggytash has had quite a lot of ladies who showed contempt for his technique. Noticing his method of disposal for those willing to criticise him, I'm beginning to wonder if the "diving" comments are actually meant as a veiled threat to the remainder of his so-called harem, rather than a reference to his desire for oral stimulation.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Big Bird
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 09:54 AM

Oi? Oi?
Is that any way to address a lady?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:04 AM

I hope that none of my remarks have caused you distress, Big Bird. I must admit though that I initially read "address" as "undress" - which produced a momentary spasm of pleasure - I must go and scourge myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:28 AM

Madam Big Bird, how can you support this rapscallion and yet lay claim to be a lady, surely you know this delinquent malefactor is no match for a lady, pray have nought to do with this evildoer and blackguard, no, you deserve much better things than he could ever offer a lady who seeks refined, genteel company such as you would find with me.




PS Oi Essex Boy, still got your white socks on with your black shoe's, I was aware that I had in my haste mistyped certain words, thus I pur a thread to this effect, did you not understand, you bucketfull of sheep snot.

Lady Rabbit, are you missing me

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:31 AM

PUT

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:36 AM

.....another log on the fire ?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:45 AM

a spell on you....?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:48 AM

your left leg in
put your left leg out
put your left leg in
and you shake it all about...

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:50 AM

It's all hypothetical, Baggysplash. As I recall, I won the eternal affections of milady Big Bird last year, fair and square, in spite of your dastardly dealings with the judges. As such, she is not now to be considered spoils of war. The fight is for R&WW's hand. If, as a lowly second, you find that displeasing, I suggest you find another cause.

So there.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 11:03 AM

Tashyrag - While I enjoy the affections of a lady who hails from the fair county of Essex, my own county happens to be Kent - the garden of England.

Lady Rabbit - if you keep missing that varlet Raggytash, I have some advice for you.

1. Make sure that you have a firm well-locked posture.
2. Breath out and hold it.
3. Take good aim.
4. S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E the trigger.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 11:13 AM

Davy half a match company, Kent is it, sure you can spell, a sheath for a dagger perchance

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 11:27 AM

I object to the "half a match company" quip - my mother's maiden name was "Mayes" (OK there's an extra e) - I reckon I'll be more than a match for you in this duel !

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Roger Waters
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 11:41 AM

I hope you all realise that if you sung a parody, or different words, to my melody Another Brick in the Wall, you must pay me royalties! I will, in fact, pursue this as my name is Waters, not McLean, or even Campbell.

I hope that leaves you uncomfortably numb, James.