New and Different Christmas songs

Subject: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Wesley S
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 05:53 PM

Here are two new Christmas songs - well - not really new - that our trio has sung this year that have been well received. And I'm hoping some of you have some examples on songs to share that are not the usual Christmas Carols.

Shotgun Shells on a Christmas Tree
By Robin and Linda Williams

"Merry Christmas to All and Goodnight"
by John Doyle

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Wesley S
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 05:56 PM

Sorry - here's a better version. I didn't know the other one was so short.


Merry Christmas to all and Goodnight

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 11:01 PM

I suppose it's not all that new any more (1994), but it's a good 'un - and it certainly is different: "Merry Christmas from the Family," by Robert Earl Keene -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg

Lyrics in the Digital Tradition (click). Happy Yule, Y'all.

-Joe-

P.S. It has a sequel: Happy Holidays Y'all

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Reinhard
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 02:17 AM

Some of my favourite modern Christmas songs are Ange Hardy's last year's The Little Holly Tree and her brand new When Christmas Day is Near.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 06:15 AM

Forty years old but ....

frankie.armstrong/songs/anti carol.

"It weren't no picnic
It weren't no picture post card
It was cold as 'taters in the mould
When the couple come lookin' for a room...."

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,kenny
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 08:41 AM

I just discovered this a week ago, and love it........

https://youtu.be/Ow8mjyKYGwY

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Howard Kaplan
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 09:41 AM

I'm glad that someone else started this thread, because it gives me an opportunity to let people know about my own rather peculiar answers to the question, "What else can we sing at this time of the year?"

Last year, I posted recordings of three (northern hemisphere) winter solstice songs to SoundCloud. The playlist includes these songs:

• "The Shepherd's Boon", about some rural shepherds' seasonal bonus circa 1000 AD


• "Long Is the Winter Till the Sun's Return", which is a very secular, natural-history-based, count-backwards-from-twelve song


• "The Year That 'Old Christmas' Was New", about how Gregorian calendar reform finally was implemented in the UK

Songsheets (lead sheets with music and lyrics) for those three songs and about half a dozen more that I consider suitable for the solstice can be found on my web site, in the section called The cycle of the seasons.

Howard Kaplan
Songwriter and occasional performer
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Reinhard
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 10:05 AM

And then there is of course the "Bah! Humbug" CD with Eric Bogle's "Santa Bloody Claus", Cyril Tawney's "There Are No Lights on Our Christmas Tree", Robin Laing's "The Man That Slits the Turkey's Throats at Christmas" and other fine seasonal songs.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: gillymor
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 05:12 AM

A Rovin' on a Winter's Night by Aoife O'Donovan.

Christmas Must Be Tonight
by The Band.

Fairytale of New York by the Pogues with Kirsty MacColl.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,John fom Kemsing
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 05:27 AM

"The Cowboys Christmas Day
"https://soundcloud.com/John-Hills/The-Cowboys-Christmas-day

Subject: Lyr Add: A CHRISTMAS PIE STORY (A Caesar/T Santer)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 09:38 AM

We were instructed write some new Christmas songs in our songwriting group, so here is the very silly one first.


A CHRISTMAS PIE STORY
April Caesar/Trish Santer

1. Grumpy's no' Happy 'cos Bashful's too shy,
And Sleepy and Sneezy have eaten his pie,
A pie he was saving for his Christmas Day,
But Sneezy and Sleepy just took it away,
Dopey and Doc said "Don't be so sad,
As Sneezy and Sleepy are just plain bad".

CHORUS: Christmas pie, Christmas pie,
Oh what a stramash over one Christmas pie.

2. Then in comes Snow White with a tray on her arm,
She's smiling and dancing and full of such charm,
She lifts off the cover, and to their surprise
Reveals she has brought only FIVE Christmas pies.
For Sneezy and Grumpy you'll see there are nane -
They'll no be sae wicked tae Grumpy again. CHORUS

3. The moral of this story is don't be a thief,
Don't eat your pal's pies, or you'll soon come to grief,
Now Sneezy and Sleepy are off in a huff,
As Snow White has told them "Hey guys, that's enough".
While Dopey and Doc, even Bashful so shy,
And Happy and Grumpy tuck into their pie. CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS PEACE (Trish Santer)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 09:50 AM

And now the very serious one: I completed the first draft of this the day before the Paris attacks, so I did change some of verse 4 in response to that. It is always very sad when some disaster, whether natural or man-made occurs, whatever season, but these events do seem to happen with some regularity close to Christmas.


CHRISTMAS PEACE
©Trish Santer

1. Christmas comes but once a year,
And 'tis said, it brings good cheer, but
Far too often, that's not so,
As my Christmas list will show.

CHORUS: Here I make my Christmas wish
Don't need cards or fancy gifts,
Just to be with family and friends,
I want world peace that never ends.
Peace on Earth at Christmas,
Christmas peace on Earth.

2. No tsunami, no earthquake,
Nor the devastation that these can make,
No more plane crashes, sinking boats,
No more pointless deaths on roads. CHORUS

3. No more poverty, beggars on street,
No need for food banks to let people eat,
No more posturing, no more lies,
Truthful politicians would be a surprise. CHORUS

4. No more ISIS, no more wars,
No more bombs to settle old scores,
No more refugees needing to flee
From the horror in their own country. CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add:THE FIRST EARTH RISE
From: GUEST,Stefan des Lauriers
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 02:46 PM

THE FIRST EARTH RISE

It happened Christmas Eve Apollo 8 was televised
William Anders photographed the iconic "Earth-rise"
The Earth and Moon mission patch embraced Infinity
On the lunar horizon Earth appeared so heavenly
Genesis one to ten was read by the crew of three
God's word came down for all of us to watch on our TV's

Three Kings on camels and the brightest star of all
Were pictured on a greeting card taped upon a wall
The moon was waxing crescent that cold eventful night
Children all were starry eyed the future looked so bright
In the distance Silent Night could be heard at the Nativity
I was not the only one with high hopes for humanity
   
Of all the possibilities we are destined to embrace
From the moon our earth appears to be a peaceful place
That "First Earth Rise" must have been an incredible surprise
For God to see His Wonder through His children's eyes
You don't have to leave this world to have an Epiphany
When I see God in you and you see God in me

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Stefan des Lauriers
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 02:53 PM

First Earth Rise

Subject: Lyr Add: FUCK CHRISTMAS (Eric Idle)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Nov 16 - 02:31 PM

There's a live performance on YouTube. I assume Eric Idle wrote it:


FUCK CHRISTMAS
As sung by Eric Idle

Fuck Christmas; it's a waste of fucking time.
Fuck Santa; he's just out to get your dime.
Fuck holly and fuck ivy and fuck all that mistletoe,
Stupid fucking Christmas songs everywhere you go,
And bloated big fat bastards all going "Ho-ho-ho."
It's fucking Christmas time again.

Fuck Christmas; it's a fucking Disney show.
Fuck turkey, and fuck all that fucking snow.
Fuck reindeer and fuck Rudolph with his stupid fucking nose,
Fucking sleigh bells ringing everywhere you fucking goes.
Fuck stockings and fuck shopping; it just drives us all insane.
Go tell the elves to fuck themselves; it's Christmas time again.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: leeneia
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 10:56 AM

Jim, tell this weirdo (and others like him) to man up, cause he's not fooling anybody.

We all know what his problem is - Christmas is the time of giving, and he doesn't want to give. He should donate $25 - 100 - 1000 to a good charity. Help hungry kids, help the illiterate learn to read, or help abused families.

Then he'll be able to hold his head up high and stop grousing.   

He doesn't have to celebrate, he doesn't have to decorate. But he'd feel better if he accepted the role of the decent, civilized resident of the western world.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 08:57 PM

Leeneia, you have to see that in context: Eric Idle was one of the wonderful totally off-the-wall comedy group that made up the "Monty Python" team , so you need to see it in terms of the sort of comedy that was around in the the UK in the late 1960s/early 1970s, long before anyone ever coined the term "political correctness" which has sanitised so much of what anyone can now say. There wasn't much of it about then, but we had some of the best comedy programmes ever in that era.
You think he needs to "man up": I think you need to " lighten up"!

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 03:33 AM

One that often used to be rolled out every year at The Singer's Club
Jim Carroll

THE BALLAD OF THE CARPENTER        (1954)

Jesus was a working man,
A hero you shall hear;
Born in the slums of Bethlehem
At the turning of the year,
Yes, the turning of the year.

When Jesus was a little boy
The streets rang with his name,
For he argued with the aldermen
And he put 'em all to shame,
Yes, he put them all to shame.

His father he apprenticed him
A carpenter to be,
To plane and drill and work with skill
In the town of Galilee,
Yes, the town of Galilee.

He became a roving journeyman
And he wandered far and wide,
And he saw how wealth and poverty
Live always side by side,
Yes, always side by side.

He said, 'Come all you working men,
You farmers and weavers, too;
If you will only organise,
The world belongs to you,
Yes, the world belongs to you.'

So the fishermen sent two delegates
And the farmers and weavers, too;
And they formed a working committee of twelve
To see the struggle through,
Yes, to see the struggle through.

When the rich men heard what the carpenter had done,
To the Roman troops they ran;
Saying 'Put this rebel, Jesus, down,
He's a menace to God and man,
Yes, a menace to God and man.'

The commander of the occupying troops,
He laughed and then he said:
'There's a cross to spare on Calvary Hill,
By the weekend he'll be dead,
Yes, by the weekend he'll be dead.'

Now, Jesus walked among the poor
For the poor were his own kind;
And they wouldn't let the cops get near enough
To take him from behind,
Yes, to take him from behind.

So they hired a man of the traitor's trade
And a stool pigeon was he;
And he sold his brother to the butcher's men
For a fistful of silver money,
A fistful of money.

Jesus lay in the prison cell.
They beat him and offered him bribes
To desert the cause of his own poor folk
And work for the rich men's tribe,
Yes, work for the rich men's tribe.

The sweat stood out upon his brow
And the blood was in his eye,
And they nailed his body to the Roman cross
And they laughed as they watched him die,
Yes, they laughed as they watched him die.

Two-thousand years have passed and gone
And many a hero, too;
And the dream of this poor carpenter,
It's time it was coming true,
Yes, it's time it was coming true.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 05:23 AM

Er, well maybe a few too many F-words in that song posted by Jim D!

Not so new, but certainly different, Sid Kipper's parodies, such as "Arrest these merry gentlemen" and "Death or Glory Wassail" - posted elsewhere on the site.

Subject: Lyrics Add: Halsway Schottische & Halsway Carol
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 06:39 AM

Halsway Schottische & Halsway Carol
In October 2011,
Nigel Eaton composed a melody and named it 'Halsway'. 
PDFs & info at
http://halsway.musicwebdesign.nl 


Music by Nigel Eaton
Words by Iain Frisk
138 bpm

Lo for the tiding of the Long Night Moon
Let the sunrise call about the morning soon
Short is the biding of the fading light
Sing for the coming of the longest night

North wind tell us what we need to know
When the stars are shining on the midnight snow
All of the branches will be turned to white
Sing for the coming of the longest night

A winter day, the summer grass turned hay
Frost in the field 'til the dawn of May
A summer's light never shone as great or as bright
So dance in the shadows of a winter's night

Lo for the tiding of the Long Night Moon
May the harvest last until the springtime bloom
Home is our comfort at the winter's height
Sing for the coming of the longest night

All of the colours of the sunrise sky
Shine a light upon us, as the day goes by
Sunsetting shadows fading out of sight
Sing for the coming of the longest night

A winter day, the summer grass turned hay
Frost in the field 'til the dawn of May
A summer's light never shone as great or as bright
So dance in the shadows of a winter's night


. . . . . . . . .
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported
License. To view a copy of this license, visit
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/. 

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 08:02 AM

I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day
I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day in the morning

And what was on those ships all three
On Christmas day, on Christmas Day

On those ships were refugees
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day

There's no room here for you to stay
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day

So those three ships put out to sea
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day
The Hope, the Faith, the Charity
On Christmas Day in the morning

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 08:10 AM

Christmas comes but once a year
For poor if not for rich uns
And spare a thought for turkeys too
This year why not try pigeons?

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 08:17 AM

Another that I'd neaarly forgotten
Jim Carroll

SCARLET RAYGUNS
(Send Us A Postcard – John Conolly CD)

I peeped in to say Goodnight and I heard my child in prayer,
Send for me a Scarlet Raygun that will burn off Daddy's hair.
Oh dear Santa, if you've got 'em send me bullets and a shell.
Last night Daddy smacked my bottom, send a hand- grenade as well.

I've seen the toys upon the telly, Tommy Gun and Action Man,
Lower gently down my chimney something nuclear if you can.
Battleships and radar scanners, missile, bomb and limpet mine,
Grandma says I've got no manners – she can be the next in line.

Send some crackers trimmed with holly for Uncle Fred on Boxing Night,
He's the one who's ever so jolly – fill 'em up with dynamite.
My walking, talking robot Teddy, he can fire a lethal ray,
Got my practice target ready – pussy scratched me yesterday.

I don't want a plastic soldier, I don't want one made of wood,
Now that I'm a little older I want one that bleeds real blood.
Send for me a "Johnny Seven" – that's a gun that can't go wrong,
I'll send Grandad off to heaven – he's been waiting far too long.

I peeped in to say Goodnight and as I heard my child in prayer,
I put away his Christmas presents – gold and frankincense and myrrh.
Christmas is a time for loving not to play that killing game,
I built myself a fallout shelter – wouldn't you have done the same?

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 08:21 AM

Not wishing to blight the Festive season in any way;
There used to be a parody entitled "Have yourself a merry dose of syphilis"
Never sang it and I can't remember who did
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: RTim
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 09:53 AM

HOMELESS WASSAIL
(Ian Robb c 1998)
Wassail, wassail all over the town,
Our cup is white and our ale is brown;
But huddled on this iron grate
We poor and hungry curse our fate.

Chorus:
No Wassail bowl for such as these,
No turkey scraps, no ale, no cheese;
This Christmas Eve our heart's desire
Is a bottle of gin and a trash-can fire.

Good Christian mind as home you go,
With dreams of holly and mistletoe,
That the holly bears a dreadful thorn
For those who wake to a frozen dawn

Oh, where is he that holy child
Once born of Mary, meek and mild?
And wither peace, good will to men
Now and forevermore, amen?

All ye who dine with face aglow
In regenenciatrio
Pray, pause awhile at pleasure's door
And sup some sorrow with the poor.

Wassail, wassail all over the town
Our cup is white and our ale is brown;
This cold and hunger pain and care,
Sweet Jesus Christ, it's hard to bear!

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 11 Dec 16 - 06:24 AM

Crudités
Lyrics by Pat Goodacre, Jessica Abraham, Blanche Rowen, Mike Gulston.
Melody traditional, 15th century

Crudités, crudités with crisps as starters
Anchovies in virgin oil, crudités
Crudités,crudités with crisps as starters
Anchovies in virgin oil, crudités

Guacamole, caviare, basil and tomata
Aubergine and feta dip, taramasalata

Gorgonzola, Camembert, tapenade and nachos
Button mushrooms à la Greque, croutons in gazpacho

Tiramisu, creme brulée, chocolate that melts, a
Cheesecake and profiterôles - pass the Alka Seltzer!


http://www.rowengulston.co.uk/p/words_6.html

Gaudete thread
thread.cfm?threadid=161022

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Dec 16 - 02:17 PM

South Park's Merry Fucking Christmas? I didn't find the actual clip...

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Dec 16 - 05:50 PM

I'm dreaming of a white hot christmas - Brian Jonathan

14 day forecast for Christmas day is 28C (83F) but the usual high humidity will make it feel hotter! The western suburbs will be hotter, & country regions even hotter, tho they don't normally have high humidity.

sandra in sunny summery sydney

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 07:16 AM

More please.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 08:28 AM

Kevin Bacon and the Old 97's singing Here It Is Christmastime for Disney's Guardiand of the Galaxy Christmas special :-)

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GeoffLawes
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 08:38 AM

TRY NOT TO BE A CUNT, IT’S CHRISTMAS
Try Not To Be A Cunt, It’s Christmas - Fascinating Aïda https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U2XdkBkTTk

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: pattyClink
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 11:49 AM

Season's Greetings from Robert Earl Keen:

Merry Christmas From the Family

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 12:37 PM

Family Christmas by Clive Harvey of Roaring Jelly 1976

Spoken
Forget your snow and reindeer and all that there malarky
'Cause down here Father Christmas wears a pair of shorts----KHAKI.

Chorus.
Christmas in Australia is Christmas in paradise,
Christmas in Australia is basically, 'Bloody Nice',
Bruce goes steady with Sheila, and Sheila goes steady with Bruce,
And if you don't have a Christmas suntan, you're a 'Pommie' and you ain't no use

It's ninety in the shade at Christmas, the sun's a blazing 'phew',
So grab a tube of Foster's and a slice of cold kangaroo.
Bruce is waxing his surf board, and waxing his Shiela too,
It's a great Australian Christmas, ya-hoo.

Chorus.

It was a lovely sunny Christmas, we had a party on the beach,
Sang Australian carols, you should have heard us screech.
Our 'Silent Night' was a burst of light and the likes are heard only seldom,
Of 'Once In Royal Bruce's City', in a little town called Melbourne.

Chorus.

Bruce and Sheila disappeared round the far side of the truck,
They were gone for quite some time, we shouted, "Are you stuck?"
Then I had a bright idea, said, "I know what I'll do,
I'll play 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' on Bruce's didgeridoo.

Chorus

As the afternoon wore on everyone got paralytic,
A drunken brawl developed from a friendly game of cricket.
Rolf Harris turned up finally to distract us from our combat,
By painting a lovely picture of Rudolf the Red Nosed Wombat.

Chorus.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Rick Pollay
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 04:24 PM

Christmas in Jail
Joyner Burton Lee Sr. (w. minor adaptations)

INTRO: Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
        Happy New Year to you, but for me it’s.

Christmas in jail, Christmas in jail
        I had a little too much to drink
I ain't got no bail
Gotta pee in a pail
        I'm spendin' New Year's Eve in the clink

I was feelin' no pain
And in the wrong lane
        Doin’ ‘bout seventy-five
When I ran right into
You can guess who
        and they say I'm lucky to be alive

Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
They're singin' down the street
While everybody's havin' Christmas turkey,
I’m gonna get bread and water to eat

Christmas in jail
Christmas in jail
        I wore my shoes out pacin' the floor
I got lumps in my bed
And rocks in my head
        Ain't gonna drink and drive no more.

Repeat last two stanza with ending:
Ain't gonna drink and drive no more, No ...
ain't gonna drink and drive no more, No ...
ain't gonna drink ... and drive ... no more.

No I won’t. No I won’t. Won’t I ever learn?!?

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Rick Pollay
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 04:26 PM

Christmas in LA
Green/Dorritee of The Bobs (

Slow and lyrical waltz

Santa's helpers in the mall
New graffiti on the wall
We're wandering in urban sprawl
        It's Christmas in LA
See the mansions of the stars
Valet elves are parking cars
Reindeer strippers in the bars
        It's Christmas in LA

Br:         I dream of angels eating caviar with free range egg nog
I dream of trees and ornaments and a crackling yule log.
        The lights below are twinkling ‘cause they’re in a killer smog.

Those who can have hit the slopes
After office party gropes
Leaving us with only hopes
        It's Christmas in LA
Padding out expense accounts
Silicone with extra bounce
Buy a pound - get an (extra) ounce
        It's Christmas in LA

Br:        When you’re on the LA freeways, you hear music in the air.
        Horns and car alarms are sounding. No one seems to care.

Even if you’re movie sucks
You’ll have made a lot of bucks
And still afford your tummy tucks
        It's Christmas in LA
Snowballs made of Styrofoam
Plastic trees in every home
All the kids are home alone
        It's Christmas in LA

And Heard on a later recorded version

Take this with a grain of salt
They have frozen Uncle Walt
Don’t know if it’s Goofy’s fault
        It’s Christmas in LA

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Rick Pollay
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 04:29 PM

Rudolph (a ballad about a worker’s revolution)
Mike Danver Scott (UK)
From album: May Contain Nuts

Rudolph got so famous he decided to go solo
He fancied his chances of starring in a road show.
Santa Claus was livid, said it caused a lot of strain here
We’ve just a few days left to train another reindeer

        Rudolph unrepentant said it’s damaging me hooves
        Dragging that old geezer up and down these icy roofs.
        The other reindeer said that it’s a rebellion of sorts
        And the elves shut down the sweatshop to demonstrate support.

A new recruit was introduced to Dancer, Prancer, Vixen
Comet, Cupid, Dasher, … Donner and Blitzen
They snootily enquired: “What’s he call you, little one?”
Well Santa said that he thought that he might call me “Venison”

        That word appeared to cause some consternation in the team
        “That name is not as innocent as it at first might seem.
        If any one of us should prove unequal to the work, he’s …
        Planning to dispose of us like all those dozing turkeys.”

Venison was oh so proud to pull that Yuletide sleigh
Always at the forefront in the training for the day
Decked in Christmas livery his head held high he’d trot
He didn’t spot the butcher’s van parked outside the grotto

        Vixen was quite worried. “Santa’s got us in a trap.”
        Dasher wasn’t bothered, said: “He’s quite a nice old chap.”
        Dancer said “It’s just the way he looks at Venison.
        You get the feeling maybe he’s not vegetarian.”

Vixen said “I’ve noticed what a very sound-proof barn this is.
No one would hear if we were gnawing at the harnesses.”
They did their Christmas duty, then on the homeward flight
High above the North Pole, they split to left and right.

        The plan worked like a dream it is my duty to record it
        Santa and his sleigh were catapulted into orbit
        It was all down to that new reindeer. He was the guilty one,
        Misunderstanding Santa saying “Your name’s DENNIS, son.”

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Lang Johnnie More
Date: 28 Nov 22 - 04:37 PM

"Timbuk 3" - "All I Want For Christmas [ Is World Peace ]" :
https://youtu.be/VTYJfvw7E60

Loudon Wainwright III - "Suddenly it's Christmas" :
https://youtu.be/ew6rVcL3Up8

Nuala Kennedy - "Christmas In The Trenches" :
https://youtu.be/Z2mFvxSzCho

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Nov 22 - 06:54 AM

Mike Harding's Christmas 1914 has always been one of my favourites

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Dec 22 - 11:10 AM

From my first hearing of it, I have been very partial to
"Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses,
especially those earworm-brass-trumpet breaks,
makes you want to break out the dance moves.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Dec 22 - 06:49 PM

Hello Mr [ethnic], merry fucking christmas (South Park)

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 16 Dec 22 - 04:38 AM

When Grandpa Played the Banjo

Come Back, Ebenezer

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 16 Dec 22 - 07:27 AM

Has anyone mentioned Stanley Accrington's Three wise women?

He is on tonight at the Barlow Edgworth as a lat minute replacement for Covid struck Redmayne.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awSwhPIPy2E

Robin

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Greum
Date: 16 Dec 22 - 07:34 AM

Miss Fogarty's Christmas Cake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8SfdNBUWVk

Subject: Lambskin Carol
From: bradfordian
Date: 19 Dec 22 - 04:56 AM

LAMBSKIN Carol

THE LAMBSKIN CAROL by Maddy Taylor

Said Mary to Joseph “I’m cold to the skin
Would that I had a blanket to wrap the babe in
There’s nought but a manger for my babies bed
And a pillow of straw for to cradle his head”
To cradle his head, to cradle his head
And a pillow of straw for to cradle his head

Three wise men they came from countries afar
They followed the light of a beautiful star
They brought to the infant gifts costly and rare
That they laid at his feet in the stable so bare
The stable so bare, the stable so bare
That they laid at his feet in the stable so bare

A shepherd he came both humble and poor
He fell on his knees when the saviour he saw
“I must give him a gift, a token of love
For he’s fair as an angel from heaven above”
From heaven above, from heaven above
For he’s fair as an angel from heaven above

Said the shepherd to Mary “The night it is cold
You can’t wrap your baby in silver and gold
My gift it is small, it cost not one pin
I give to the baby a fleecy lambskin”
A fleecy lambskin, a fleecy lambskin
I give to the baby a fleecy lambskin

A fleecy lambskin, for to wrap the babe in
I give to the baby a fleecy lambskin

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Dec 22 - 06:22 PM

Here's a good 'un, sung by Bradfordian today.

Thread #65783   Message #1162909
Posted By: Splott Man
16-Apr-04 - 03:15 AM
Thread Name: Miskin @ Easter 2004
Subject: ADD: Three Wise Women

Here's the words of Three Wise Women by Stanley Accrington as promised.
I can't guarantee that I've got them down 100% accurately, there's at least one reference I don't get and substitute my own when I sing it, but the meaning is there.
The tune is approximately the same as Poor Old Landlord, Can't Get The Buggers Out.

THREE WISE WOMEN

Three wise women went to the stable, (First line repeated twice each time)
To see the baby king.

They got lost and asked for directions.
"Oh, you mean that bright star there!"

They still got there two weeks before the wise men,
To see the baby king.

When they got there they helped with the delivery,
Sent Joseph to boil some water.

When the baby was born they all crowded round him,
Told the angels to keep the noise down.

Then one wise woman said "Isn't he like his father?"
Mary gave her a strange look.

Then two wise women started cleaning out the stable,
The third one made a casserole.

Then three shepherds came to see the baby,
The women told them to take their shoes off first.

Now the three wise women didn't bring gold, frankincense and myrrh,
Their presents were far more useful.

The first wise women brought a Bob the Builder romper suit,
To fit size nought to six months.

The second wise woman brought a packet of disposables,
And those nappy sacks that smell faintly of Holmans. (a reference I don't understand, though I'm sure someone does)

The third wise woman brought a Winnie the Pooh mobile,
And a tape of Cilla Black singing lullabies.

Then the three wise women said goodbye to Mary and Joseph,
Went back to where they had come from.

Then the first wise woman said "Did you see her sandals?"
They just didn't go with that robe she wore.

The second wise woman said "You'd have thought they'd have cleaned the stable out!
The smell, not to mention hygiene!"

Then the third wise woman said "You know that Joseph's not in work?!
How do they afford that donkey?"

Then the three wise women met the wise men going the other way,
Who stopped them to ask for directions.

The three wise women shrugged and just carried on their way,
Muttering about the usefulness of myrrh.

Three wise women went to the stable,
To see the baby king.



As Stanley himself says, a carol is not just for Christmas.
Enjoy

Splott Man

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Dec 22 - 07:09 PM

Many thanks for introducing me to 'The man that slits the turkey's throat at Christmas', which has become my new most favourite ever Crimble song.

Bah humbug to all.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: bradfordian
Date: 20 Dec 22 - 06:38 PM

Not a song but a Christmas poem. Hope it’s acceptable.

TALKING TURKEYS by Benjamin Zephania

Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
Cos' turkeys just wanna hav fun
Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
An every turkey has a Mum.
Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas,
Don't eat it, keep it alive,
It could be yu mate, an not on your plate
Say, Yo! Turkey I'm on your side.

I got lots of friends who are turkeys
An all of dem fear christmas time,
Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it
An humans are out of dere mind,
Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
Dey all hav a right to a life,
Not to be caged up an genetically made up
By any farmer an his wife.

Turkeys just wanna play reggae
Turkeys just wanna hip-hop
Can yu imagine a nice young turkey saying,
'I cannot wait for de chop',
Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV,
Turkeys hav brains an turkeys feel pain
In many ways like you an’ me.

I once knew a turkey called........ Turkey
He said "Benji explain to me please,
Who put de turkey in christmas
An what happens to christmas trees?",
I said "I am not too sure turkey
But it's nothing to do wid Christ Mass
Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be
An business men mek loadsa cash'.
Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
Invite dem indoors fe sum greens
Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
In a plate of organic grown beans,
Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
An spare dem de cut of de knife,
Join Turkeys United an dey'll be delighted
An yu will mek new friends 'FOR LIFE'.

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 03 Dec 24 - 02:27 PM

More please ;)

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GerryM
Date: 03 Dec 24 - 03:30 PM

Not so new (2000), but certainly different: Christmas in Prison, by John Prine.

https://youtu.be/00Ig33jctXs?si=pNdvuIY8qQKJGjpO

It was Christmas in prison
And the food was real good
We had turkey and pistols
Carved out of wood
And I dream of her always
Even when I don't dream
Her name's on my tongue
And her blood's in my stream

Wait awhile eternity
Old mother nature's got nothing on me
Come to me
Run to me
Come to me, now
We're rolling
My sweetheart
We're flowing
By God

She reminds me of a chess game
With someone I admire
Or a picnic in the rain
After a prairie fire
Her heart is as big
As this whole goddamn jail
And she's sweeter than saccharine
At a drug store sale

Wait awhile eternity
Old mother nature's got nothing on me
Come to me
Run to me
Come to me, now
We're rolling
My sweetheart
We're flowing
By God

The search light in the big yard
Swings round with the gun
And spotlights the snowflakes
Like the dust in the sun
It's Christmas in prison
There'll be music tonight
I'll probably get homesick
I love you
Goodnight

Wait awhile eternity
Old mother nature's got nothing on me
Come to me
Run to me
Come to me, now
We're rolling
My sweetheart
We're flowing
By God

Subject: RE: New and Different Christmas songs
From: GerryM
Date: 03 Dec 24 - 03:41 PM

Even more different: Christmas in Vidor, by Rodney Crowell.

https://youtu.be/U_xvjDljJ34?si=r4THomm7mRzd7sPJ

Lyrics from Genius (missing at least one line, and I won't vouch for the rest)

[Verse 1: Rodney Crowell]
It's Christmas in Vidor, eighty-eight degrees
The taco stand’s padlocked, Spanish moss hangin' from the trees
Flip-flops stickin' to an asphalt road
The whole damn town is decorated to implode
My lawnmower dies with a cough and a moan
Ain’t nothin' around here you'd wanna stick a bow on

[Verse 2: Mary Karr]
How'd I wind up down here, you might ask
For that story, brother, you're gonna have to pony up cash
I planned to leave with a man dressed up like the president
But he got him a union card, we never went
Pipe fittin' wasn't no fun
So he got him a bass boat and he got him a gun
He got me a duplex, he got me some kids
We was gonna go to AstroWorld but we never did

[Chorus 1: Mary Karr & Rodney Crowell]
It's Christmas in Vidor
Ain’t it a bitch?
It’s Christmas in Vidor
[?] itch
It's Christmas in Vidor
Nowhere to go
It’s Christmas in Vidor
That's ash, that ain't snow

[Verse 3: Rodney Crowell & Mary Karr]
I won't build no snowman, won’t drink no nog
Just wander around in a bayou fog
Take out the turkey, lay down the grub
Fix my face, do the dishes, throw the kids in the tub
Spend the late night standin' inside the fridge door
Bathed in the green light and hungry for more
Back door's wide open; here's what I know
The end of that driveway is as far as I'll go

[Chorus 2: Mary Karr & Rodney Crowell]
It's Christmas in Vidor
Eighty-eight degrees
It's Christmas in Vidor
Oh, Jesus, please
It's Christmas in Vidor
Leave me alone
It's Christmas in Vidor
Just bein' here's gone
It's Christmas in Vidor
Can't pay the bills
It's Christmas in Vidor
Just pop a few pills
It's Christmas in Vidor
My baby girl's due
It's Christmas in Vidor
Hope it don't look like you


[Outro: Mary Karr & Rodney Crowell]
I'll wear the school colors, I'll go to the game
I'll take the prom pictures; don't they all look the same?
Come Christmas in Vidor this time next year
I'll be hopped up and propped up on Prozac and beer