BS: Bones

Subject: BS: Bones
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:39 AM

Don't put bones in the toilet, as it blocks it up.
now it is hot weather, so i put a few bones down my toilet, but now its blocked up, i tried poking them with a stick from the garden, and a coat hanger, but now they are stuck.
its not my house, so i'll phone the landlord tomorow.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:43 AM

is there any chemical that will dissolve bones?
i saw that Mr Muscle unblocker liquid, but it was £3, and i don't know if it will work, and i dont want to waste money.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: GUEST,JohnO'Lennaine
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:45 AM

OK, I won't.

Ta.

John

Who's bones?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Peace
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:54 AM

The stuff wot eats yer bones will also eat yer plumbing.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: ranger1
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 02:27 AM

jOhn, what were you doing putting bones down the toilet in the first place? They weren't Brenda's, were they?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 02:28 AM

Sounds like a plumber is required to remove the blockage in the pipes and it's not a small job.

Just because it's not your house, doesn't mean you won't have to pay. Your landlord is not liable to pay any bills he considers avoidable. If you have blocked the toilet with something that should never have been put down there, (and one has to ask, WHY?) he may insist you pay for its removal.

Sorry mate.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: fat B****rd
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 03:21 AM

Ah !! Dem bones....

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rasener
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 03:34 AM

Are they Tom Paines Bones ? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 03:38 AM

Dem bones dem bones dem stuck bones,
Dem bones dem bones dem stuck bones,
Dem bones dem bones dem stuck bones,
Is blockin up me bog.

Her thigh bone's connected to the "S" bend,
Her thigh bone's connected to the "S" bend,
Her thigh bone's connected to the "S" bend,
And the flamin thing won't move.

Her ankle bone's connected to her thigh bone,
Her ankle bone's connected to her thigh bone,
Her ankle bone's connected to her thigh bone,
I can see it round the bend.

Her shull bone's connected to her ankle bone.
Her skull bone's connected to her ankle bone,
Her skull bone's connected to her ankle bone,
And it stands proud in the pan.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 04:29 AM

jOhn, you did BURY that cat you found in your dustbin didn't you?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: jacqui.c
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 04:34 AM

I reckon it's the old guy that told him off for throwing an apple core in the street.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Sooz
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 04:53 AM

You won't make old bones........

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rasener
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 06:00 AM

Just found the solution to your problems John :-)

http://www.epic40k.co.uk/epicomp/stpage14.html

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Pied Piper
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 06:19 AM

Why didn't you use an Acid bath BEFORE you flushed her down the bog?
I recommend a mixture of Nitric and Hydrochloric to deal with those stubborn gristly bits.
PP

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Cllr
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 07:34 AM

Is this for real? if it is a dog rather than a cat it could be "bone a fido"

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: greg stephens
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 07:41 AM

It's easy to get confused after a few bears, isnt it Sir JOhn? Question is, did you take a dump in the bin in the kitchen as well?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Sooz
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 07:52 AM

The gristly bits dissolve better in caustic soda.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 08:20 AM

You reckon he's been putting BEARS down there as well, Greg?!

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 08:21 AM

Or maybe the bears were too far from the wood ...

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: el ted
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 08:36 AM

jOhn,
    go to a plumbers merchant and ask for "one shot." It will shift anything, it is acid based so be careful. The plumb centre is near you, close to Ideal Standard.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 08:57 AM

Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Gonna Rise Again!

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 09:43 AM

"now it is hot weather so I put a few bones down my toilet"
HUH?
What do you put down the toilet in cold weather?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:39 AM

lots of bones?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: greg stephens
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:50 AM

Now I'm just making a guess here, but I suspect the scenario is something along the following lines(it combines the hot weather,and what we know of Sir JOhn's habits as outlined in many threads).
I think Sir JOhn is maybe coming homeafter a visit to the pub,he's had a few bears, he's hungry. He gets a bag of spare ribs at the Chinese. The uneaten portion (bones, mainly) he leaves on the kitchen.
Next day: gets up, goes to work,has a few bears,comes home,goes to sleep.
Next day similar. Now this is where the hot weather comes in. he comes home around two in the morning, cracks a can of beer, and is sitting in his underpants, firing up Mudcat on the old computer and chatting with Spaw or Martin Gibson whatever. At this point he notices a dreadful smell. Possibly the underpants, but eventually he tracks it down to the rib bones on the kitchen table(it's been hot summer weather for two days, remember?). So, he's in his deshabilee, so he's not going down three flights of stairs and out to the backyard where the dustbins are, is he? He does what anybody would...chucks thhe bones in the bog, flushes it, and returns to Mudcat.
   And it is only the follwing morning, when he is at his ritual devotions in the bathroom, that he realises he has made a BIG MISTAKE, it and it is time for Mr Dynarod and his brightly painted van.
   Now, Sir JOhn, am I right, or am I right?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 11:30 AM

Hello, this is what happened=I ate some soutehern fried chicken, and left the bones on the plate, and forgot about them, then next night i wanted to eat some food , and i was a bit pissed so i put them down the toilet, I reckon it would have been ok, if i put them a few at a time, but I was in a rush to eat some spagetty , so i just put them all at once, and it blocked up.

I managed to fix it, by hittting them with the end of a brush, and smashing them up, so no need to call a plummer or the landlord.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 11:33 AM

Good geuss greg!
you should of been a detective! or maybe you was?

anyway, i put them down the bog, as i didn't want bones stinking my kitchen out, and attracting flys and other bugs..

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: greg stephens
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:09 PM

No I was never a detective. But I was personally involved in a rather similar leftover chicken gumbo related incident, and your little problem vividly reminded me of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: PoppaGator
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 01:44 PM

BEST THREAD YET! I try very hard not to laugh out loud while surfing the forbidden web at work, but this made me completely lose my cool.

Thanks not only to Sir jOhn for confessing his antics, but also to greg stephens for reading between the lines and explaining it all to the rest of us.

Hope you enjoyed the spagetty, jOhn!

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Amos
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 01:48 PM

Geeze you guys!! In my house the dishes get done after the meal. Or at worst by the end of the same day. Wot are you, lizard brains? Surely you can do better than this!!!

LOL!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 01:49 PM

Another bit of advice: Never put a jar lid down the johnny. I lived in an apartment for three years with a toilet that sometimes worked, sometimes didn't. Fortunately, I had two bathrooms. But one day, the super, totally frustrated with the non-cooperative toilet, stuck his hand down and came up with a mayonnaise jar lid. The former tenant must have dropped it down. When it turned sideways, the toilet flushed. When it lay flat, it blocked it. And plunging would dislodge it temporarily but didn't pull it up. So...don't flush jar lids down the johnny even if you are pissed.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 02:28 PM

Timely thread--I spent last night changing out the guts of the toilet tank in my back bathroom. You know that rubber stuff (gaskets, clapper) that looks so efficient when you first put it in? Give it a few years and it's like India Ink every time you touch it during the repair job. It leaked a little after I finished last night so I turned off the water again. Don't want the toilet taking a leak! I tightened it a bit more this morning (the new big rubber gasket is so big that the tank rocks a bit) and turned the water on. I'm ready to go back to check it for leaks now, and am positively flushed with pleasure at the thought of not paying megabucks to a plumber. If someone were to bash a batch of chicken bones they'd tear this commode apart. I hope yours continues to work, jOhn.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 04:29 PM

"He's dead, Jim."

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Peace
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 05:00 PM

". . . I gave my love a chicken that had no bone . . .".

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 05:02 PM

Ahhh, the expression is "skelatons in the closet", jOhn, not "skelatons in the water closet"....

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 05:20 PM

Brings new meaning to "A body of water" eh?
Bone appetit Sir John.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 05:22 PM

Hey sir John... Did the problem drive you "round the bend" or was it just a "flash in the pan" so to speak..Probably left you looking "a bit flushed" but I'm sure you were "On the ball cock".
Any chain reactions?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 05:24 PM

That's what you get for trying to be all posh and eat off a plate.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:06 AM

ROFL!

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Gurney
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 04:33 AM

You were lucky, john. I unblocked a lav that someone had flushed a child's toothbrush down, and it was not a pleasant experience.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Gurney
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 04:42 AM

Afterthought; The reports from folks at the Olympics say that you are not even allowed to put PAPER down the bog there. Yes, they give you a little box to put it in.
Don't know if it is true, came from a slightly unhumourous sports commentator.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: HRH ted of hull
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 04:55 AM

Could well be true Gurney. I have been to Greece many times and you can't put paper down the toilet in most areas because the sewage is discharged untreatd, directly into the mearest river or sea

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 05:17 AM

The thing to do with chicken bones is to find a neighbour's dog you really, really hate, and feed them to it. The bones will splinter inside the dog's body, causing terrible damage, and the dog will die slowly in indescribable agony. You will hate yourself for the rest of your life, unless you really, really, really hate the dog. And your neighbour will probably murder you in a very nasty way. I don't recommend it myself.

Or you could burn them and use them for fertiliser, ifyoiu have any house plants.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 07:58 AM

Ah, yet another reason not to go to Greece.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 09:14 AM

Greek sewage pipes are about half the diameter of our own. No idea why? But they can block and cause BLOWBACK. The technical term for a pan full of week old turds coming back to wave hello.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 11:23 AM

Sounds like a marine toilet. Paper is put in a liitle bin but never flushed. A thoroughly unpleasant solution.

But this seems the proper time to tell the tale of the blocked pipe in my childhood home. Dad tried and tried to plunge and chemically unblock it but nothing...so he went down into the basement and disconnected the pipe amid %$#@&&^)(#%%&. You get the picture. He was angry. Well in his anger and frustration he grabbed a stick and pushed it deep into the blockage which of course let loose and gushed over poor Dad. He was covered with shit head to foot. My brother nearly choked to death trying not to laugh. Dad, in his usually calm manner said "If you F**kin' laugh, I'll kill you" then stormed up the stairs yelling an odd assortment of curses I had never heard before.

This is where the story gets funny. We were Roman Catholic and were trained to respect nuns and priests. As Dad got the top of the stairs, there stood my cousin, Sister Eileen (or Michael, I forget)in full nun's habit. Dad, dripping fecal matter, stopped, did a lttle bow and said "Good morning Sister" She too nearly choked to death trying not to laugh.

I wonder if someone had put chicken bones down the toilet?

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:19 PM

Chicken Indaloo? I'm not coming to your curry shop John!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:34 PM

Save the chicken bones. Clean them off (boiling is good) and put the cleaned bones into a jar of vinegar (the cheapest sort will do). Let them soak and soak, maybe for a week or more. You can then bend them and even tie them in knots, which will remain when they are again dry. Knotted bones are always good for a laugh, or even to win a bet.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:14 PM

Rapaire ... Viagra will straighten out your bone again.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: open mike
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:25 PM

in school we did an experiment with a nail soaking in a glass of coca cola ..the thing was rusty adn dissolving as i recall..so pour Coke down there to ream things out...Drano is Alkaline, (Basic), not acid...LYE...
vinegar is acidic--do not miux the two unless you want a result like in my grade school where the boys put cherry bomb fire crackers downt eh toilet and blew one up.

Subject: RE: BS: Bones
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 05:09 PM

Actually, adding a base to an acid will neutralize both. I wouldn't drink the result, however.

Ye Olde Coca-Cola Soake for nails, bologna, and stuff like that has been around for a while and one mostly to demonstrate How Awful Coke is for your innards. Of course, if you retain Coke in your stomach long enough to dissolve the stomach lining, you have much bigger problems and should have sought medical help a long time ago.

Reminds me of the teacher who dropped a worm in a glass of water and the worm thrived. She dropped a worm in a glass of whiskey and the worm shriveled up and died. She asked the class, "What does this prove?" and someone responded, "If you have worms, drink whiskey."