BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed

Subject: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:02 AM

Yeah....Its way too damn cold. Sunday it was 60 followed by thunderstorms and 30mph+ winds which led to blowing rain/sleet and icing Monday night and Tuesday. Then there were a few sunny and mild hours followed by mid 20's with 5 or so inches of snow yesterday. Then the temps climbed enough to melt a small bit of the snow but soon dropped quickly to freeze about half of it into a hard shell. Overnight we dropped to -7 with serious winds bringing the chill level well below -20 in many places. Tomorrow promises an icy mix (snow/sleet/freezing rain) with yet another winter weather advisory.

Welcome to Ohio. I know its colder and worse other places but Ohio has always been a classic "If you don't like the weather, just wait a few hours" kind of place. This morning its just too damn cold and the balls fell off the Chongo statue. (I think Bill D. may still have the link to the site selling brass monkeys whose balls fall off).

And before anyone starts the bogus bullshit about cannonballs.......forget it.....its total crap......Has nothing to do with the Navy and even they deny it! Sorry..........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:07 AM

Well it's good to know that you're not short of weather.
G

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:15 AM

kwitcherfrigginbitchin, you feckin' goof!! You want cold?????? C'mon up where it is really cold. The average snowfall for the entirefeckinmonth of February is usually about 12 inches (like my......never mind.....bad, Mick, very bad.....). We are at three foot with over a week to go.

I am tired of this crap......time for spring. I think I will head south to where that whiney Spaw lives, for a little sunshine...

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: gnu
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:29 AM

I blame it on all those people who keep wishing for spring. They get spring weather and then complain about the mess, so Mother Nature changes it back to winter. It's February. Just let it snow, let it snow, miserable darn snow... yeah, I'm guilty too, afetr about seven "springs" so far... sigh.

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:42 AM

De spring has sprung, de grass is riz
I wonder where de boidies is
They say de boid is on de wing
But that's absoid, cos de wing is on de boid.

Here comes Summer


G

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:44 AM

Giok...... I think you need a hobby...... ***chuckle***

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:49 AM

What is this snow, of which you write, revered friends? On our distant horizon there are mountains to the East, and those mountains seem this month to have tracings of a white dust on their peaks for some reason. Perhaps this is snow?

It is getting a bit warmer, it is it is. (Sure, Dorothy).


I can get up in the middle of the night and walk around the house without bundling up.


A

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:54 AM

Well he had one but got tired of shaving his palms................

It ain't the cold Mick, its the friggin' quick change acts we get........LOL....You wear a light jacket in the morning and need a parka in the PM, the sun comes out, then it rains and freezes or snows or............

I remember folks griping when I was a kid and I've lived a number of other places where the changes aren't so quick to come or dramatic. But for some damn reason I came back here to live....................Tell ya' Mick, the only sure thing here in the Buckeye state is that everyone seems to enjoy kicking Michigan's ass on a regular basis each fall. Pathetic as it is, central Ohio just lives for November.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:54 AM

Bite me, Amos.

Mick, missing Ocean, Mission, Pacific, Imperial beaches........ the piers....... La Jolla cove, ..... fishing off the Shelter Island pier .......... the horses at Del Mar ........ the ride up to Mt. Soledad ........ Balboa Park and especially the Aviation museum, ..... and looking at mountains with snow on them.........from afar.

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 08:01 AM

Now that is some cheap load of aul shite there, bro!! You get a couple of good years, manage to pull ahead in the series (25-24-2)and you friggin' products of that godfersaken school system call that kicking Michigan's ass on a regular basis each fall. No hope for this whiney lot south of Michigan. You guys are some damn bright that you were willing to fight a war over........ You ready.........Toledo......... and thought you won when we gave it to you...... LMAO ........ I was wondering if you would mind taking Ypsilanti while you are at it?

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 08:24 AM

21* today (Fahrenheit), and it was almost 70 yesterday... we're supposed to get another inch of snow and ice, how lovely, and we have a parent-teacher meeting this afternoon so I had to leave my car nearby and walk the last 10 mn (O horrors!), instead of driving to the shuttle and getting a nice warm ride stright to my door... *sigh* O the hardship!

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM

Well Spaw, it was 48F degrees at 04:00 yesterday morning here,

but the "high for the day" yesterday - during daylight - was 21F.

The Roto-Rooter guy that I had to invite over to clean out my plugged up sewer wasn't real happy about bein' out there with the 25+ mph wind whistlin' up the back of his shirt, but he tried to be cheerful 'bout it. I had to run back into the house and put m' shoes and a shirt on just to watch him.

We didn't start gettin' the sleet until early this morning. It'll likely be headin' on your way (again) in a day or two.

But they say it should be up above 50F here by tomorrow afternoon.

We've had at least one day at 50F or above in each of the last four weeks, and also at least one night below 20F in each of the same four - a couple of times within the same 24 hours.

The average though ... well, it ain't been too bad; but the sudden swings do seem to run up the heating bill even more than a long period of steady cold.

John

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 09:15 AM

Sleet? Is this a Japanese dessert?

I come to work before sunrise, so this time of year I really wuss out and bundle up. A shirt AND a sweater.


A

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 09:27 AM

You have a SMUG of something warm too Amos?

G

Subject: RE: BS: SimianTesticlesGlaciated&Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 09:36 AM

Amos, perhaps you care to explain the snow-caused traffic backups around San Diego, as reported on the news just last week?

Spaw, you ain't got snow and cold. Sheeeeeeeeeeeit, boy, couple weeks ago I woke up and it was -30 F. And that's air temperature, not your wimpy wind chill. And that was the HIGH for the day. Had to dig a tunnel from the garage to the street to get the car out because the snow was twelve feet over the roof and it was till snowin'. I saw three dogs friz to fire hydrants on the way to work. Pulled into one of them drive-through coffee places for a cuppa and the steam froze when they handed it to me through the window -- by the time I got it I had cold iced coffee. Sheeeeeeeeeeeit, boy. A house burned down, so the fire department just waited for the flames to freeze and broke 'em off with an axe and stored 'em on top of the frozen river -- safest place, 'cause when the thaw comes (if it ever does) they'll just fall into the river and go out. But we didn't have it really cold -- that was out at the Idaho National Labs, where the nucular reactors stopped working because of the cold.

Kwitcherbitchen, put out your chaste lounge, and soak up the sunshine, ya wimp.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 11:25 AM

Well, it's obvious you don't have the right underwear, Spaw, or this would all mean nothing to you and your balls wouldn't be falling off! Check it out: Brass Monkey Undies THEN, watch their ad: Scroll Down.

(I found these while looking for BillD's old link. It's no longer working, nor is your repeat of it in several threads. Hmmm...can we say "obsession?"**BG**)

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM

Rapaire -- the problem you refer to was not in San Diego, but in the high passes of the Cuyamacas where the Interstate 8 goes through toward Arizona. Due to the peculiarities of terrain, the road passes through sections of Imperial County, and then fingers of San Diego County, and then Imperial, etc., numerous times. But oddly enough (and not reported in the national press) was the fact that all the "snow" (did I spell it right? I am trying to learn your language...) was dropped on the Imperial County sections, and none on the San Diego sections. The reason the local authorities closed the pass was NOT because the San Diego parts were impassable, but because there were too many refugees from the snow trying to get in to San Diego. Sometimes we "Wise Choosers", as the locals are known, have to make hard choices, you know. We can't just throw open the borders to just anybody with a fancy for sunshine.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 11:39 AM

Uh-huh. Right, Amos. Then why did the Marine Corps Recruit Training Depot issue long underwear to the trainees there???

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 11:46 AM

I dunno, man. PLanning to send them to northern Iraq, I guess. ANd those desert theaters are a bitch at night, too.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 11:47 AM

Deny this picture of ice skating in San Diego if you dare, Amos! Deny that people ice skate at Horton Center (as I believe it's called). If there was no snow in San Diego, why were the California Winter Games held there just this year???

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 11:53 AM

Um...Rapaire...I haste to break this to you, but that picture is not Horton anything, but the Hotel Del Coronado. You can tell from the dress that the ice is artificial, a gimmick generated by machinery at great expense. Just like the ice cubes I get out of my fridge to cool off in the afternoon here. A pricey granfalloon, meant to scare off would-be refugees from the gelid regions.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 12:25 PM

There's something to it, Rapaire. My niece, who is married to a native of San Diego, and lives there, just sent me pix of her husband's and her three year old son's First Snowman, due to the SnowFall they received just before her birthday which was the 16th. So, I've got the pix to prove Snow in some proximity of San Diego!

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 12:35 PM

Humph. All boasting again, I see. Well, you haven't heard boasting till you get Shane talking about his sexual prowess. Just keep that in mind.

What we have here is SNOW! Lots of it. I would like to send it all to Amos, and if I had the means to do that, I would.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 12:48 PM

I could probably sell it to displaced Easterners at a great profit, unless you send me some inferior Canadian brand that falls apart at the first sign of >0° C. Wussy snow, with no staying power, would not sell.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 12:55 PM

You could send him the yellow snow LH, he may know a graphologist.
G

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 01:08 PM

Great idea. We have a lot of that too, because of the dachshunds.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 01:18 PM

I'd just prefer one or the other. This back and forth stuff sucks! 72 degrees (fahrenheit) downtown the other day, tonight we're expecting an inch of snow and 1/2 inch of ice! Not that big a deal but it's never around long enough for the natives to learn how to drive in it!

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 02:02 PM

LOL...out here it's the NON-natives who never learn how to drive in it and unfortunately they are in the MAJORITY!

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 03:13 PM

Rap...... uh, buddy ........ you are looking pretty foolish thinking that was Horton Center,buddy. You are on the wrong side of the Coronado Bridge, which in another life I rappelled.... no need for war stories here ..... and you folks that only know the place as Horton Center are obviously one off visitors or newbies. Folks that really remember the glory that is San Diego will remember when it was called Horton Plaza, home of Bradley's on the south, the Hob Knob Restaraunt on the west, and the US Grant Hotel on the north. Once upon a time there was a song written about the Plaza that had a chorus that was something like:

A-L-O-N-Z-A-F-H-O-R-T-O-N,
Alonzo F. Horton, you're my friend

This, of course, was during another time, when the Street known as Broadway had one character during the day, and another at night. During the day it was the business heart of the city, at night the day businesses disappeared and the street seemed to be taken over by "locker clubs" (military folks couldn't have civvies on base in those days, so there were clubs where one could rent a locker, take a shower, etc), tatto parlors, bars and arcades. This was also during the era of that defender of the peculiar lifestyle that one could find only in the wonderful environs of Ocean Beach (known as OB), was known as "The OB Ranger". He would arrive with a cry of "Far out, groovy, and outasite.....I AM THE OB RANGER", and leave with the cry of "Hi Yo Sylvia, away". With his faithful sidekick Indian, they would defend Miss Melons from the ravages of the evil Panama Red, Lave Sus Manos, and other shady sorts. His boss in the rangers, btw, was Chief Gus Stoppo.

Great days.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM

I dunno, Mick. I haven't spent much time in San Diego, just a weekend or three days a year or so ago last December. And then I pretty much only saw the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, a motel, and Amos's house. I would have no idea of the difference (if any) between the Horton Whatever and Tim Horton's, except that the Whatever probably has less grease.

Contrary to what you may have heard Amos does NOT live at the Marine Corps Depot. He IS a "Special Operative" for the Corps, but as a civilian employee. He does HALO jumps into unfriendly territory to garner what he calls "intelligence" and tries to find his way home.

I understand that his wife gets to pick the destinations....

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 04:42 PM

Jaysus, Mick, I'd give my eye teeth to have jined up in one of your...er, his... adventures back then. Broadway has vecome so civilized any more, the only place you find anything interesting is the Greyhound Station. Last time I was there, I picked up a wandering international busker gal, and we had a grand weekend.

Of course my wife gets to pick the location of our home, Rapaire. I always let her have her way on the small stuff, like home, jobs, schools, when to buy a new car. That way I get to conserve my horsepower for the important decisions, like who should be allowed to join the Common Market, and what NATO should do next -- topics I am more qualified to judge than she.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 05:08 PM

Brass Monkey 1

Brass Monkey 2

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Bert
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 05:20 PM

Glaciated & Severed! how would you know? You ain't got none!

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 05:31 PM

Sure he does! They used to belong to his brazen simian.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 05:57 PM

Chongo keeps his well covered up in this weather.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 06:24 PM

Amos, all that gab from the interloper known in these parts as Rapaire, has riled up all kinds of memories. His talkin' about MCRD reminds me of Friday night entertainment for those of us who went through training at NAB Coronado. We used to go to the Hob Knob Restaraunt on the edge of Horton Plaza and get a window seat on the Plaza. In those days there was a bar called Bradley's, which was a notorious joint that had many gay patrons that would cruise the joint for naieve young sailors and marines. That is not a blanket statement on gay folks, rather a statement on folks that had an ulterior motive. The young Marines, fresh from boot camp, and filled with the "I'm a trained killer" zeal that had been imprinted on them, would come into town filled with the idea that they would "kick some faggots ass". For those among you who are ill informed, let me assure you that being gay in no way has any implication as to how tough you are. In fact, many of these folks were pretty tough from having been messed with all their lives. The guys in my team would hold court in aforementioned window booth and watch the young warriors mess with these folks and get their hoorah arses whipped. One of the weapons of choice for the gay folks was a straight razor sewed into a belt in a way which allowed them to whip it off and snap it like a whip, inflicting a nasty wound. Tough place in those days, on the weekends.

Hey Amos,

there used to be two of the coolest bars anywhere in the San Diego area. One was just off Rosecrans near the sports arena. In fact it was called "That Place Across From The Sports Arena". The other was in Imperial Beach (known in those days as Venereal Beach) and called "Long Juans". Any chance they are still around? I think I slept on the floor of that place once. (just kidding........I think)

And ........ gawd it's hard to say this ..... they tell me Hussong's, down in Ensenada, has turned into a tourist joint. That used to be one helluva tough place, and a destination for the Angels when they would start in No. Cal and work their way down 5 south, picking up bikers as they went. Remind me to tell you how I left Mexico when next we share a bit of Maker's Mark.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 07:23 PM

Well, if you goddam well make it to the next Getaway, I will personally buy you enough Guinness to bring out the whole truth, pal.

Hussongs graduated from a stompers joint to a place for loud college kidlets who want to be bad in safety. But it is still there.

So--you wuz SF, huh? Jaysus. I mighta known.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: gnu
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 08:13 PM

Gee. I could feel the bonding. You?

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 09:40 PM

All I know is, they are predicting an inch or two of snow tonight, THEN several hours of freezing rain! I have covered two cars with 2mil plastic sheeting and weighted it down with chunks of wood.
I HATE chipping ice off the car.

The damn brass monkeys can fend for themselves~!

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 09:47 PM

It's this time of year that makes me so glad I bothered to build that new garage when I moved in here! No freezing rain predicted, but darn cold and sloppy none the less. But the truck and the dogs are tucked away nice and snug in the garage. (The dogs have a hay-filled stall I built for them. The truck is okay just standing there waiting until I whistle for it. . . )

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 09:55 PM

Nice move, Stilly. I wish I had a heated garage here.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 10:04 PM

Haven't had a vehicle in our garage in over 25 years. Too much junk in there.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 10:12 PM

Mine is neatly organized but full of tools. Fortunately the cars are quite happy in the driveway. A little gentle rain now and then cleans their headlights, and the rest of the time it is pleasant.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 10:20 PM

Ok, you've convinced us, Amos... 83 Mudcatters have secretly found out where you live, and we'll be down in a few days and stay with you till Spring. (We hope there is frozen stuff in the freezer, at least)

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 10:43 PM

Oh jolly good. I know just how to put them to work. Stuff in the freezer: several rounds of frozen hamburger, some frozen quiches -- just assume everything in their is frozen, that's the point -- some butter, coffee beans, a tablespoon of leftover HagenDasz,and some bean soup put up last year. Peas and corn.

Enough to make a fine stew.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Feb 08 - 10:55 PM

And he's been squeezing out Amos Pops all winter.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 02:11 AM

Thanks for all the fun responses Folks!   I kinda' figured how this thread might go and you did not disappoint.   I knew I was going to have a long day but it became one of those rare days that you hope doesn't come along often. You know, one stupid thing after another capped with having to leave one of the cats at the vet for the night while they collected a urine sample...............

"Roamin" is Karen's constant companion and suddenly decided he had to spray all the time, every waking moment! Generally a sign of a urinary tract infection....which it seems to be. However this one is probably due to "stress." His world has been really different for the past week or so as another of the cats needed to be in "his" room and he was displaced. Yeah......an honest to god real diagnosis that is prety well documented in the Veterinary business. My fockin' cat has stress..............yeah...................We have to reduce the stress in his life.........Fat ass spoiled rotten cat has stress................Having already dropped about a grand this past month or so at Morris Veterinary Clinic I GOT FOCKIN' STRESS!!!! They're good folks, been doing out vettin' for over 20 years but damn.............................

Ya' know I got some Prozac left over from one of Michael's earlier scrips...............................................

Thanks for all the laughs here! LOL.....I needed them today.....

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 02:55 AM

Spaw -

For a moment there I thought you might be considering giving Prozac to the cat.

Re-reading, it's clear that it's you that needs it.

Just don't overdo, and do consider the other methods of relief that might be more appropriate in your decrepit condition.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 03:56 AM

Actually I was considering pumping Lard Ass full of it but the love of my wife ruled that out so I think I will probably slow dose him over time so its less apparent when he porkerbellies up............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 07:37 AM

A cat on Prozac..........***Mick laughing so hard that tears are rolling down his cheeks, at the thought of it***..... Hey man, get me a sammich, willya???

Always remember......Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 07:39 AM

Sprinkle Prozac on cat food. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...". Problem solved.

Read label carefully so as not to use the Viagara tabs by mistake.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 07:42 AM

Pork Belly Futures Just for you Spaw, and to add to your joy, they're Canucks too!

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 08:46 AM

I thought that ol' Spaw would have had one of them Little Golden Faucets installed on his cat(s) by now. Sheesh, they been around for years -- first for human vascetomees and when that didn't work they found they found they worked great to prevent cats peeing on the furniture, rugs, walls, ceilings, sub-basements and other things. Just turn 'em on when the cat has to go and then turn 'em back off. They have great washers, too, so you don't have to do a lot of maintenance on 'em.

Ask your vet about 'em. LGF -- the catstaffer's best friend.

Endorsed by Hillary Clinton, who had 'em installed on Bill.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 04:25 AM

At least you lot have some weather... we've just got ubroken cloudy skies; grey, flat, featurless and distasteful... just like our canteen gravy.


I'd love some good snow. We did actually manage a decent frost here in London last week, but it wasn't enough.

Can you just keep it until we've found out why the boiler is making that funny noise?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Mooh
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 07:24 AM

Spent a summer (planting trees and such) far enough north that it snowed at night in August, and the crew slept on the ground. Mind you, the black flies and mosquitos wouldn't be as much bother, so it was probably worth it in the long run.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM

Speakin of pet urine samples, I invented CPR ...but more on that later.

When I go walk the dog in the woods there is a laminated sign that says DOG OWNERS Please pick up after your dog -you are respondsible for the toxic runoff into the creek.
It got me thinking that its the nitrate urine that is probably to blame. So with the help of a wire coat hanger duct tape and sandwich baggie I made the Cannine Pee Recepticle.

Just hold it in the dog's stream and balance it all the way home until you pour it in the toilet where it can be treated and returned as drinking water.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 08:50 AM

I think there are fewer dog owners here than people who use Chem Lawn all year round.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:17 AM

What is Chem Lawn, amigo?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:35 AM

Chem Lawn is a commercial service that will bring a truck loaded with liquid chemicals to your home and apply it to your lawn (and garden if contracted for it) so that you don't even have to do it yourself.

My next-door neighbor has had a stalled lawsuit in process for about two years now on his claim that the truck they said was full of fertilizer actually contained "RoundUp."

I could testify that all his pretty grass (and everything else) died quite suddenly; but he hasn't asked for witnesses. They'd probably discount my testimony since, being the only one in the neigborhood who doesn't fertilize weekly and run automatic lawn sprinklers to wash it into the river every other day, my lawn "looks like crap" (a quote from one of my neighbors).

John

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:37 AM

I knew I liked you, John.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:56 AM

Do they mix Snow-Melt with it? For you guys n the white areas?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 12:09 PM

There's no Business Like Snow Business ♫♪

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 12:38 PM

And enough snow business leads to slow business and then to no business. I know.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:43 PM

There's NO business like SNOW business,
There's NO business I know!
Everything about it is enthralling!
Look at all the frozen, bitter souls!
Look at all the people badly falling!
And crawling!
Out from deep snow holes! OH!
There's no folks like SNOW-bound folks
They freeze when temps are low!
They can't get out and shovel off the family flivver!
They only sit around for weeks inside and shiver!
And just for fun they go and fall down on the river!
So let's get rid of the snow!! YO!

(Repeat until barmy, or dead, whichever comes first...).


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Bee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 02:31 PM

We got another ten cm. of snow last night. Husband is happy, 'cause he loves plowing out half the neighbours driveways with his nifty ATV plow (hand built by some fella down province). Cats are disgusted. Tommy has reverted to using the litterbox, as it's apparently too cold to drive his little shortfurred arse down in the snowdrifts in the woods. Snowball comes in with frozen klingons hangin' off his pantaloons. Both have taken to sulking in the garage.

Spring come soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 03:29 PM

Hell, I'd sulk too if someone forced me to live under such conditions. I think the only possible motive that might do would be True Love, but I already have that here in Southern California, so I ain't buying any long johns.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 03:35 PM

Yes, let's get rid of the snow by shipping to San Diego.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 03:45 PM

What size union suit Amos?

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 06:30 PM

Sure, go ahead, Rapaire. The City Fathers will thank you. Even with the large amount of rainfall in the last eight weeks we're still only up to 85% of our annual average, and the rainy season almost over. So if Fed Ex will accept your generous offer, please direct them to deliver the snow to Lake Hodges Reservoir, San Diego County, CA. Make sure it is sent postpaid. If we have to return it postage due your Sears and Roebuck catalog will get sopping wet, and Aunt Idaho Jane hates those soggy pages when it comes time for a midnight trip to the out back two-holer, ya know. She wouldn't forgive you until midsummer.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 06:37 PM

If you prefer, you can direct the shipment to any of the following:

Reservoir            Depth When Full    Current Depth    Percent Full   
Barrett                  160.88                                 148.80               75.3        
El Capitan        197.00                                         143.96                 42.5        
Hodges               115.00                                         106.64                 72.0        
Miramar                  114.00                                            1106.50        82.8        
Morena                  157.00                                 1110.80        16.5        
Murray                     95.00                                             91.78        88.8        
Lower Otay            137.42                                      133.60        86.7        
San Vicente              190.00                                      177.80        85.7        
Sutherland              145.00                                       90.57        25.8


As you can see, we have to make certain tradeoffs for not having all that snow.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 07:08 PM

Aw...what a shame.

Upper Snake River system (Jackson Lake,Palisades,
Grassy Lake,Island Park,Ririe,American Falls,Lake Walcott)
is at 48% of capacity.
Total space available:       2123506 AF
Total storage capacity:      4045695 AF

But most of the state's people live around Boise, for some reason:

Boise River system (Anderson Ranch, Arrowrock, Lucky Peak) is at 43% of capacity.
Total space available:       538002 AF
Total storage capacity:       949700 AF
Natural Flow:                   1024 CFS

Payette River system (Cascade, Deadwood) is at 63% of capacity.
Total space available:       293507 AF
Total storage capacity:       800452 AF
Natural Flow:                   1321 CFS

So much for your McDonald's french fries this year, dude. (AF is "Acre Feet" or about 325851.428571 US gallons, or 1233481.83755         liters. But you knew that like all good Westerns do, even if they live in SoCal.)

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:17 PM

Gee-- you guys really chose well, didn'tcha? Drought AND blizzards. My. Perhaps we could ship you some minor tremblors just for variety?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:21 PM

We just had them a couple days ago. 6.something just outside Wells, NV -- we felt it here. And remember, we live in the vicinity of the Yellowstone Caldera.

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:28 PM

Ah, well, better stay of the SoCal style tremblors -- it might upset your subterranean GI system something awful. And Pat would throw you out of bed, if you still had one.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Big Mick
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:12 PM

Dammit, Amos, you simply must stop all these San Diego references. Dredgin' up too many damn memories.........I fished a bunch of those reservoirs taking a large number of bass over 5 lbs, and a 12+ largemouth out of San Vicente. Are the ponds still in the river bed west of the stadium? I used to grab some nightcrawlers and walk through the tule's and catch all kinds of bass. I also used to go down there with liver tied to kite string, toss it in, wait a bit with dip net in hand, and pull out crawdads, nettin' them just before they broke water.......

I miss San Diego........

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 12:18 AM

Well, Mick, let me just point out that San Diego is not staying away from you; in fact you have a pied a terre here when you finally get over your wanderlust, and come to your gelidified senses.

Don't bring your snowblower.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Simian Testicles Glaciated & Severed
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 03:58 PM

Hey, we can ALL move in with Amos!