The Mudcat FBI!

Subject: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:15 PM

Well hello, Agent, you must be one of the new recruits. Welcome to Mudcat Underground, the top-secret headquarters of The Mudcat FBI. No one would realize that under a busy West Chester street lies the nerve-center of a powerful organization bent on saving the world from music ignorance.

Hello, I'm Agent Richards, but you can call me Agent Mbo. Here's your official Mudcat dark sunglasses. Wear them with pride, rookie.

Here's the tour, there's a canteen/pub in the back there, if its refreshment you need. Board rooms over here...what's that you say? Oh, that long, dark hallway? That's the coridoor to the President's office. No one sees to much of the President. Some folks call him "Max". But he sends out orders fast enough. Right through here...

This is the squad room. Right now we're working on several cases. In fact, we just sent a sweeper team out to Phoenix...seems there was a kid who left out the C#m7 chord in the chorus of "Shangri-La". It's never a dull moment around here. We get an average of 200 incidents an hour.

Who's that, you say? Why, that's our junior member, Agent O'Possum, our expert on ocarinas and other mouth blown instruments. Yep, we finally got him a nice black Gucci ensemble in his size.

Feel free to wander around and get acquainted with the other agents...they're everywhere. Just don't go down that dark hallway, rookie...

--Agent Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:18 PM

Geeez! Mbo!! It never stops, does it? I can see Double Ohhh Spaw comin' down the holeway -- I mean hallway now!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:24 PM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I'm going to play songs! LOTS and LOTS of songs!!!And I'm going to use NO Maj7th cords!! AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:29 PM

AGENTS, AFTER HIM!!!! That man is seriously deranged! How dare he insult my favorite kind of chord in the world, the kind I put at least one of in every song I write!?....stop feind! Quick! Agent Spaw, load up the Agent O'Possum bazooka, and aim right for his tookas! Ha, didn't think our wind blown instrument expert could fly, did ya, smart guy?

--Agent Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:38 PM

AHAHAHAHA!!!

You'll never catch me, copper. Anyone who can't remember "i before e except after c " hasn't got what it takes to catch...The Chordwaster!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:38 PM

TOOKAS????

Somebody get this goyboy a crash course in yiddish slang.

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:40 PM

Say, pal, I'm looking for a certain redhead...heard she was in dese parts. Yeah I know her name, and I could tell ya, but I'd haveta kill you first, see...excuse me whiles I opens up dis here violin case...

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:43 PM

Sure, Agent Spaw, right after you define "stunod" "bondole" "sporcaccone" "chooch" "cavone" and "scuddigadele"!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:47 PM

Redhead? Yeah...could be...could be. But, uh,whats in it fer me, pal. Ya know, info like dat don't stand around on da corner waitin' fer a trolly pal.Ya know? Takes a certain kinda guy ta come up wid stuff like dat and he don't come cheap.Ya know what I mean? Pal!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:49 PM

Geez, give a guy a badge an' he jumps right on de take!! OK, agent Troll -- if that's your real name -- gimme a tip, here, an' lunch in the cafeteria's on me. Hear their serving a mean Spaw sandwich tomorrow...

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:54 PM

Screams are heard issuing forth from an interview room, where the Kitten Cavalry is interrogating a suspect.

"What did you mean in your thought for the day posting? Don't you know there are speical guidleines for those???"

"But I was a newbie!!! They said it was OK to come in and look around! I only posted once!!"

"Ignorance is no excuse, stunod!!!"

[Slap, slap, SLAPP punctuated by screams]

"HELP, SOMEONE, PLEEEEZE... I don't think anyone can HEARME, why doesn't anyone come get me outta here???"

"Oh, so yer ready to confess, eh? Whaddaya think we got here, a freakin' confessional? There's no room on the drive here to *incarcerate* ye, either, till Max gets more equipment-- We don't punish, we terminate yer cookies! Shoot em Agent Praise, s/he violated the first folkie principle!!

"What's that?" says Agent Praise, panic setting in.

"Ah, another ignoramus!! Get her!"

"Help!! Agent Offer!!! Edit me to safety!!!"

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:55 PM

Sorry, Agent Amos, you'll have to check that violin, along with smug face, at the door. Security reasons. We don't want any undercover Harry Fox Agency goon coming in here and spying on us with bugged fiddles!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:55 PM

S'funny. Da redhead is hangin' out wid a mook calls hisself Spaw. An if he got a sandwich named fer him you can count me out fer lunch! 'Cause if that sandwich tastes anyting like what I heard his taste is...Look, I done tole ya too much. I gotta go.

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:02 AM

An Agent drags someone in through the front door. The front desk clerk (civilian) looks up from his coffee and donuts. "Oh, another GUEST, eh?"

"Yeah, I caught him lurkin' around out back."

"Go on back to the GUEST quarters then with him, they'll virus check him, de-goof him, do a background check, and anoint him King or issue him his soapbox over there. Or terminate his crabby ass if he's not fit to be among us."

"OK, then should I stop off in the Documents section to help him pick out a 'Cat name and get his ID issued?"

"No, those are issued in the cafeteria, dummy. We gotta see what kinda cookies he can swallow.....

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:03 AM

Allright, so you think you can scare me with the check the violin bit? Ha! That's my Dreadnought in there! HA! And my heat is under this garter over here...see?? Ha!! Fooled YOU!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:09 AM

Good job on another nab, Agent Praise! Now sit his/her scrawny bum on a stool in the canteen, give 'em some chocy biqs, and give him/her the 3rd degree--you know, with the guitar? Start off easy with say, "Wild Mountain Thyme". Then start gettin' heavy with "Steel Man." Then give them the final wallop with "Johhny Cope". That aught to initiate them enough! And BTW go HEAVY on the Major 7th Chords. This Agent Coordinator thinks they RULE!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:11 AM

Someone dressed as an Agent comes in, steps to the retina scanner to gain entrance, and ZAP falls to the floor. The error message on the scanner reads, "Infiltrator. Terminated. Light was on, but no one home."

Headline:

"Mudcat FBI Foils Robo Folkie Plot"

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:11 AM

AHAHAHAHA!!!!

When the Chordwaster takes over there won't BE any Major 7th Chords. There'll only be DOMINANT 7ths!!!!!!

AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:14 AM

Agent Hardiman burst in, hard on the heels of Chordwaster.

"Aha!!! HERE'S the klezmer king that's been trying to corrupt Agent Praise! Try to klezmer yer way outta this, ye mug!"

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: rangeroger
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:24 AM

Then in walked a dark stranger,clad in thight bhodrans held up at the waist with duct tape.
He reeked of stale cat farts.
Special Agent in Charge Mbo acccosted him and asked him to state his business.
He said I intend to play suicidal,depressing songs in minor keys.FOR DAYS.

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:26 AM

Agent Days comes in. "What the hell??? I didn't ask for anything like THAT!"

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:33 AM

And another tales unfolds,
In the city that has a thousand songs...
And sings half of them off key...

(Minor theme music crescendos and fades out. Sound of heels walking on pavement in a dark, wet night. We see shadows under tall buildings, pale puddles of streetlights glimmering over damp city streets. In the distance, we hear the faint notes of a siren, playing an Aeolian harp...)

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: rangeroger
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:38 AM

Playing "Stairway to Heaven"

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:39 AM

... the Siren lays the harp down, its voice at rest. She throws back her mantle in the balmy rain-and-eucalyptus-washed night air, red hair aglint under the streetlamp. The tapping heels pause, feeling a thrill echo down the long, dark alley he's taken toward home, a thrill that reaches deep into... shall he turn back to find its source? ... no, best left a mystery....

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:40 AM

Wad's dis den, the Mudcat Folk Bureau of Insurgents???!!! Or, is dat Insanity, with a capital "I"?!!!

An, hey, shuge, I got tha redhair, but I've nevah seen yew befo'. Doncha be touchin' mah cookies, neither, ya heah? Not til I know youse bettah! Is that a fiddle in yawl's case or are ya just *hittin'* on lil ole me??batting long eyelashes rapidly

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:44 AM

Hittin is as hittin does, fair auburn...how is it all these folkie ladies claim to be redheads, now? Must be like Saint Patricks day. Everybody's a redheaded Irishman. I got an inside tip it's a push job from Big Money Warbucks, over at Hairs Are Us...trying to pull the rug out from under the boys down at Clairol. Never could figger it out ho' -- does she, or doesn't she? Don' ask me, but I bet I'll be hearing about this one...

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:51 AM

SHE doesn't an' even tho' it's a might faded, she still claims it! Got a pichur ta prove it. Now, ya wanna make somethin' of it, Mister!?!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:05 AM

Hey--don't talk about hair dying! "The Boss" Max might get upset! And when I'm out, you know, incognito, people always seem to think I dye my hair this aurburn color. Like yeah right, I dye my arm and moustache and goatee and leg (!) hair auburn--I'm so VAIN la la la! Hmmph! A simple Agent Coordinator gets NO respect! IT'S ALL NATURAL BAYBEE!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:15 AM

Ya mean that F&D # 7 all over the inside of your athletic supporter?

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:23 AM

Meanwhile, back at the Mudcat FBI, things were heatin' up. Someone had been using the xerox machine to take copies of their Brasilian rosewood one-piece back side. The Boss wasn't happy. Someone was gonna pull duty in Dubuque, an' he wanted to know who, and fast...

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:38 AM

Man! Talk about a hardass!! I've heard a'wooden heads before, but a rosewood arse?!!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:34 AM

Special Agent (disguised as a mariner) Dave reporting in with a file on all missing songwriters. I have managed to trace the organization responsible ch/Mbo; I have it on good authority that they are all being held in Cyberspace at a place called the Mudcat Cafe. Unfortunately I have not been able to locate the address; but I'm following links through our sister organization the Copyright Police. This will involve the services of Interpol. Yes, I'm afraid its bigger than we thought. God they've even got Australians involved.. The European connection has several shady characters headquartered in London. I've been checking their communications links and have found a connection with a Jon Freeman (aka Jon Banjo)in London. Hearme is the codeword, and this Sunday I am going undercover to listen in.. more later. Yours,Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: GUEST,Agent0061/2
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:54 AM

I believe one of the code names may be Roger. There's a one on the range , there's a skiffler, a shambles and a big one in Baltimore, one lives with a laughing kat. Could be more...still investigating
RtS

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: GUEST,guest............................from ......
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:31 AM

The year is 2000 and month is mars. There´s some strange man walking around some city in some state and he´s singin in a strange .......................... who is he ? He´s well dressed and plays a guitar. He´s whislting and singing and are most likly from another place in the world.He is tall , have dark hair, white and has been around the mudcat people for avile. This is a Case for Mudcatt FBI.

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:36 AM

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

MORE MINOR 7ths!!! We are everywhere! Our influence reaches even into your very ranks!!!! OUR NAME IS LEGION!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: GUEST,guest of ............land
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:44 AM

You have to find out he´s ......this is bad. Guest.

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Troll
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:53 AM

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I am never going to be caught! I will add chords where none are needed...Dimimisheds...Augmenteds...Minor 5+7ths Major 9ths...and you cannot stop me for I am...The Chordwaster!!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Hyperabid
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:06 AM

Then into town rides a man on an ass.

He wears a stitched leather hat, a poncho and dusty riding clothes. He smokes a cheap cigar and slung by his hip is a mean looking Smith and Wesson six-stringer.

Suddenly from the shadows leap the hired thugs of - (oh I don't know... some bad dude necessary to the plot who dies in the last reel) - the stranger flips his six stringer from his side with lightning speed and plays...

The chord with no name...!

WA-OO-AH-OH-AH! WAH! WAH! WAH!

Hyp

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:09 AM

Agent Mbo? He of "Untouchables" fame?

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:14 AM

In the lunchroom at HQ, Agents are eating catfish on rye, and caitrincookies.

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:16 AM

My radio is Baroque, I am having trouble finding Folk. The Country and Western connections are very loud, but they say that Jazz got the Blues, I'm not sure who Jazz is and he is obviously upset about something. More later. Out!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:23 AM

*a message can be dimly seen on the mirror of the bar

!pleH m'I gnieb dleh renonsirp esuaceb I t'nod daer cisum!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:28 AM

Eight Agents to the bar, in boogie rhythm! At once!

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: GUEST,Agent 33 1/3
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:41 AM

[peering over the top of magenta granny glasses and adjusting headband] Alright, I'm Agent 33 1/3 from the secret organization "People in Tye-Dye." We're so secret, WE don't even know we exist. We're here to keep tabs on refugees from the 60s and 70s. You know, make sure they don't cause trouble infecting modern civilization with their ideas about peace and love and passive demonstration. We've been doing a damn fine job, if you ask me. I'm keeping my eye on this place - there's too much music and camraderie here for it to be anything but a plot...

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:48 AM

Like wow, man, Agent 33 1/2, here sweetie, like have a toke of this, man, it'll like, well, you'll be able to see the Truth, ya know? An', we can hold hands an' you'll feel so loose, naw, it doesn't compromise anything except maybe your position. What's that? Oh, man, no sweat! Hey, you're free ta go, but just try a little luuuvvv first, yeah, ya know, the *free* kind, then you can rap on to the Man about how harmless this all really is, like ya know? It's cool, baby, it's cool. Luv is where it is AT! luvchick

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:51 AM

Agent 33 1/3-- tabs? In the bootlegger's evidence room.

If you find any refugees, they're too dangerous to incarcerate as-is-- send 'em to the Tom Petty Getalife Workshop first for re-education. If they won't go, radio the Traveling Wilberries, they pick up.

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:52 AM

YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!! I LOVE THE TRAVELING WILBURYS!!! WOOOOOOO! JEFF LYNNE RULES!!!

Sorry, even Agent Coordinators get wild! Now where's Tweeter and the Monkey Man? Oh Chordwaster....I love 9th and minor seventh chords! Nyah nyanny pooh pooh!

Oh yeah, Agent Mcmoo, I'm as untouchable as they come! In the immortal words of the great bard MC Hammer "You can't touch this."

Agent Praise, isn't catfish a little greasy for this early in the morning? And NO COOKIES! It's Lent, you know! Just hand me that apple!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: GUEST,Guest from land of .........................
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:36 PM

I am secured you cant get me or find me , I am still playing srange type of folk music the words has strange letters, on my head is a hat with something on. Agents I will be on every pup I can find. HaHaHAHAHAHAHAAH.O there is one agent I must go .I just got catfish but I have to rush. Sorry, dammm gling crrash sorry about that .

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:46 PM

And today's special---Word Salad!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Mudcat FBI!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:56 PM

Awright you guys, let's have a wee glimmer of professionalism, here. The money we spend buying you identical shoes and ties, I should hope you guys would wear them with some pride and stop hacking around. Been hanging out with too many folkies. One under everybed! Gotta expose this stuff, man! They're everywhere. If they had their way, Congress would open by singing Annie Laurie! Every one would have dominant, subdominant and tonic chords written on their arms in disappearing ink. Our _kids_ would have to memorize _Yeats_, another furrin' socialist. Yankee Doodle would have seventy three verses! Unamerican, is what!