Song Challenge! - Part 85

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 11:51 PM

LOL, Sis!! Somone go get the harmonica player!! Great stufff!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Áine
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 12:35 AM

Here ya go, Deda my darlin', your B.L.O.B. for:

He said the time was right for me to find true love,
He saw alignment of the stars above,
through his glove ---


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 01:40 AM

Scanned By Your Hands
Parody of Stand By Your Man by Tammy Wynette and Billy Sherrill
New lyrics by Sonja W. Oates

Sometimes its hard to be uncertain,
Givin' in to what the fates have planned.
Will I have bad times?
Will I have good times
Doing things that Boston law has banned?

"Butts tell the future," Dr. Buck says,
"Even though folks may not understand."
If I trust Ulf, he
Will engulf me,
Paws aft, or all around my can.

CHORUS
Scanned By Your Hands,
I give you two buns to cling to.
If skin too warm you come to,
Will my nights be cold and lonely?
Scanned By Your Hands,
Stretchmarks unfurled before you.
Keep probing where that glove may land;
I'm Scanned By Your Hands

Some seers read the cards or tea leaves;
You read the lines where I'm not tanned.
So, do your duty--
Tickle my booty,
Liberace to my 'baby grand.'

Butt reading probes tomorrow's borders,
Giving glimpses of the promised land.
And if you thrill me,
You can double bill me,
Cause I'm just putty in your hands.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: SharonA
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 09:24 AM

"scanned by your hands" – groannnn – "Doing things that Boston law has banned" – hee hee hee!!! Sonja, this is like being tickled till ya can't breathe... let me up for air, then I'll read it again! Hoo hoo ha ha ha...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 10:41 AM

LOL, Sonja -- it's a keeper!! Liberace to my baby grand, indeed!! LOL!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 01:29 PM

Thanks! Now I'm waiting for someone to do those great hits from the Rock Opera "Tommy,"

"Touch Me, Feel Me, Channel Me"

and

"Butt-cheek Wizard."

(It'll have to be someone else, since I don't know the original songs very well.)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 04:42 PM

I See Your Future, Now I've Read Your Bum

Parody lyrics by Sonja W. Oates © 2002
Tune:  I Can See Clearly Now  by Johnny Nash

I see your future, now I've read your bum.
I can feel all blemishes on my way.
Don't be embarrassed, Liebchen--for I am blind.
Gotta read your tight, (tight), tight (tight) young heine, eh?

I think I can feel it, now your pants are gone--
All of the clues are there right on your rear.
Ach!  Here's that lifeline I've been searching for
Runnin' 'cross your tight, (tight), tight (tight) young can, m'dear!

Dr. Ulf
Sees nothin' but blue skies
Up ahead,
Assessing your butt's size.

Yes, I can see clearly now I've read your bum.
A can-deciph'ring oracle, that's my way.
Don't be embarrassed, Liebschen--I am blind.
Gotta read your tight, (tight), tight (tight) young heine, eh?

SWO

BTW, Amos, glad you liked the "Liberace" line and the Tammy Wynette parody. ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Genie
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 05:21 PM

Now that I've allowed myself to read the earlier submissions (which I try not to do until I've worked my own for a while), let me say there are, as usual, some real gems there!  Aidan, you do know how to spin a yarn with a wry twist, don't you!  Nothin' like a couple of sweet love stories!
MMario, what a chantey!
Don, John Ashcroft is gonna have th' ol' FBI start a file on you for desecrating our national anthem (if you're a Yank, that is).
Great limerick, McGrath!
Alex, "Acres Of Hair?"  (Groannnn...) I don't know how I missed that gem of yours!
Good job, Deda!

LM(unread)AO!, all you folks!

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: SharonA
Date: 19 Jul 02 - 08:44 AM

(I've got another one in the works; hopefully I can wrap it up tonight and post it tomorrow. Here's a hint to the melody: it's Christmas in July...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Genie
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 05:20 AM

Amos, you gonna let your sis outdo you on this one? Surely you've got a few choice lines in the can for this one, don't you?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Áine
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 01:41 PM

Here's a couple of B.L.O.B.s to the fantastic Sonja -- well done, girlfried! -- for:

Some seers read the cards or tea leaves;
You read the lines where I'm not tanned.
So, do your duty--
Tickle my booty,
Liberace to my 'baby grand.'

And for a 'can-do' attitude in:

Yes, I can see clearly now I've read your bum.
A can-deciph'ring oracle, that's my way.
Don't be embarrassed, Liebschen--I am blind.
Gotta read your tight, (tight), tight (tight) young heine, eh?


Way to go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 02:44 PM

Nah -- this one's too close to home for my talents, Genie! :>) I've been the butt of too many jokes to let my feelings show!! :>)

Deda carries the torch pour la famille. She's got the profundity required for this kind of work! She's better cut out for it than I am!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Deda
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 04:23 PM

Well, I'm much more generously endowed above, in terms of size, than behind -- and rounder than Amos in general -- but that never seems to hinder his worshipful songs in praise of the golden globes, hymns to the overflowing cups. I'm at a loss to explain his non-entry. I thought it might be time pressures, since he's just back from the NW Pacific gig, but he can whip out song lyrics faster than I can burn toast.

'Tis puzzlement.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Áine
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 06:51 PM

Well, my darlin' Challenge!rs -- it appears that we have punched, pulled and prodded (ouch!) all the entries from this Challenge! that are possible in this moment of 'Cat space . . . So, with cudos, congrats and a tip of my hat to each of you, here are your Chips -- Enjoy!!

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Haul Away Ulf! by MMario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

A Fortune From Behind by SharonA
I See Your Future, Now I've Read Your Bum by Sonja
Second Sight by DonD
Tush by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

A Little Behind by McGrath of Harlow
The German Clairvoyant by derrymacash
If You Could Read Behinds, Doc by Genie

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Baby Got Tracks by mousethief
The Farmer's Daughter by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

The Old Prognosticator by mousethief
Scanned By Your Hands by Sonja

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Feeling Your Bum Again by Sonja
He Didn't Have To Read My Palms by Deda
Put Your Buns in the Hand by mousethief

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Genie
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 10:14 PM

Whoa, there, gal!

Awright, fo'ks, dontch think TGG deserves a great big Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration for "The Bare Bums of Meldorf?"

Whaddya say, kids?

Genie
Glowing with pride over my new Cow Chip.

§:-D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: SharonA
Date: 22 Jul 02 - 08:46 AM

I agree, Genie, but I suppose our modest GG won't give it to herself. Ya think we can collectively convince her to take it, just this once?

Anyway, thanks so much for the Harp-Chip, Áine! I wasn't able to punch, pull and prod the following song in time to be "in the moment" (or, at least, in time to go to the library on Saturday and submit the song!), but here 'tis, a little bit late, a Christmas song in July. My biggest dilemma with this parody was finding a word that sounded vaguely like "shepherd boy"....*G*


DO YOU SEE WHAT I'LL BE?
(Tune: "Do You Hear What I Hear?" – the Christmas classic – word and music by: Gloria Shayne Baker/ Noel Regney)

Said the white skin to the twiddlin' hand,
"Do you see what I'll be?
'Way above my thigh, twiddlin' hand,
Do you see what I'll be?
So far, you are prancing with delight.
Is your braille-ass gig second sight?
Will some male ass dig mine tonight?"

Said the twiddlin' hand to the hemorrhoid,
"Do you fear when I'm near,
Stinging when I'm nigh, hemorrhoid?
Do you fear when I'm near?
What's wrong? A thong, high above the knees!
It annoys your big ass, I see.
It annoys your big ass, and me."

Said the hemorrhoid, "Do your sightless thing,
Do, and know what eyes know
With your callus firm, sightless thing.
Do, and know where I'll go."
The guileless pile quivered where the bold,
Seeking fingers its fate foretold,
Where the fingers its fate foretold.

Said the fingers, "O dimpled derriere,
Kissin' someone's ass may
Pay our fees, dimpled derriere.
Kissin' your white ass? Nay,
Not while the pile peeping from your tight
Butt will bring no good sex. That's right,
I predict no good sex tonight!"

(Big finish, with chorus) "Not tooo - niiiiiiiiiiiight!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Genie
Date: 22 Jul 02 - 10:04 AM

Well worth the wait, Sharon.
"The guileless pile quivered where the bold,..."
Got a good belly laugh outa that one!

Genie
§' - D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Wolfgang
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 09:46 AM

May I add that among skeptics what Mr. Buck offers is called asstrology.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Genie
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 03:27 PM

Grrroannnnn, Wolfgang!

¤;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 22 Aug 02 - 02:02 AM

I think Sharon deserves a Cow Chip (kinda appropriate for this Song Challenge!, don't you think?) for that last masterpiece. Right, Aine?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: Áine
Date: 22 Aug 02 - 06:07 PM

You are absolutely bloomin' right, there, Sonja!!! Not only is SharonA awarded a chip, but also a Golden TGG 'Good On Ya'!! for a better late than never (and it's never too late for a Challenge! Song) entry:

Here ya go, SharonA, cudos and muchas gracias for this gem:

Winner Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Do You See What I'll Be? by SharonA

Yee-Haw!! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85
From: SharonA
Date: 23 Aug 02 - 10:07 AM

Oooh! A "Good on Ya" from our good Áine! And a Cow Chip Award with a silverplated spittoon, too – WOW! Thank you!!!

(That does it; I'm gonna have to get a virtual display case for these thangs – I'm out of room on the virtual mantel!)