BS: elect me for president

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 06:28 PM

brucie - Until Detroit starts making environmentally sound transportation, I don't want their money anyway.

Bobert - carry on with your platform. All but #6. I don't think abused women need the help of corporate criminals. I think we should keep the criminals under guard but let them run our sanitation facilities. Of course we will insist on environmentally sound systems. Black water, grey water, etc.

Who is my secretary? I'm losing track of who is supposed to do what?

Bobert you're in charge. If Martin Gibson shows up, don't talk to him. Refer him to Cluin.

Just so you know, I do use my hands to hold on while hanging my bony butt (yes, mine too) over the side of the boat.

BOUDICCA bring me a chariot (preferably with unicorns) and take the women to visit Cluin (I need to know if he's lying). If he is ...

d

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 06:35 PM

"leaving my day free to play with balls and trip on tulips."

OK, this IS getting weird.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 06:53 PM

Sorry, dianavan, but there has never been a woman on this planet (not even my own dear mother) who could tell when I was lying. Nor a man for that matter. It's just fortunate for those around me that I'm an honourable man.   ;)

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Don Firth
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 07:01 PM

Can I be Curmudgeon Laureate?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: GUEST,Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 07:18 PM

O Dianavan, Your Benevolence,

Your chariot awaits...

And here is your **unicorn**

Leave Cluin to me. I feel it is my duty to handle this personally. As I have already mentioned, I am an expert on retractable blades of all kinds, and the written description alongside the unicorn picture referring to "his magic horn bowed to the night" did not escape my notice. Could this be an omen from the gods ?

However, hope springs eternal. I have not had an opportunity for such an investigation these past 1944 winters and, should Cluin's claim prove true, "I may be gone some time"....

Farewell. I pray you, do not wait up for me....

BOUDICCA

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 08:15 PM

Wow! Vacation and Christmas bonus all rolled into one already? I love the perks that go with this new job. Just let me set the answering machine, yer Majesty....

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 08:44 PM

I will serve if asked to, but let me say right up front that I will not be Secretary of State or Secretary of Defense or Secretary of anything else for that matter. I have lousy typing skills, and make really crappy coffee. I just don't have it when it comes to being a secretary.

Bruce

(Not to be confused with Brucie. Brucie is Canadian. I'm not. The main difference between US and Canadian politics is that the US has Secretaries and Canada has Ministers. Why they have so many ministers in government is a mystery. I don't have anything against people of the cloth, but damn near everybody in the Canadian government is a preacher!)

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 10:14 PM

Well, gol danged. Ol' Bobert continues on his downward journey from President, to Vice President, to personal trainer and now to bank clerk in charge of counting money at the end of the day....

Geeze...

Well, liie Bob Dylan said "Watch how you tlak to people on the way up 'cause yer gonna' have to talk with 'em again on the way down"

Hey, Pete, howz it hangin', bro..

Good to see ya, Mary. Them kids still workin' ya over?

I'll be okay....

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 10:24 PM

Until the unicorn or bobbert show up, I have to stick around.

Of course Curmudgeon Laureate - Don Firth

Bruce - Minister of defense? You do not have to wear the cloth. You don't have to wear anything at all.

Rustic Rebel - Please be the secretary of the inferior and the High World Court Jester. Be sure to wear that cute hate with the jingle bells on the tips.

d

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 10:25 PM

Bobert for Leader; dianavan for Leaderette.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 10:31 PM

Thank goodness. Bobert you're on.

d

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 10:33 PM

dianavan: Thank you. I'm trying that now (wearing nothing at all). Please arrange bail. I'm about to be escorted from an Internet Cafe.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 10:48 PM

sorry Rustic Rebel - I meant hat. It was a typo!

brucie, call Bruce, he'll defend you. Bruce, report this to Bobert. He'll know what to do.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 12:45 AM

So, like, if I take the Minister of Defense job that means I'm, like, a minister. Right? So, when the gig's over can I still be a minister and call my house a church so I don't have to pay any property taxes? Can I be a non-profit entity? Nevermind. Strike that last question. I'm an working artist and a musician. I'm already a non-profit entity.   

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 01:56 AM

Don Firth (who has a gigantic bleeding heart - You are also minister of education and health even if you are grouchy sometimes.

d

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 02:03 AM

Alright!! I have been accepted into the kitchen cabinet and I swear upon my duty to juggle all the balls that come my way. I swear that if tulips are planted near or beside me, I will dutifully trip through them as if they were meant as a sacrament set out for a meaningful relationship between all earthlings. I vow I will not make you regret your decision to make me the "High Earth Court Jester"
I vow that I will not make this thread any weirder than it already has been (Brucie!).

Don't worry folks, I won't embarrass the cabinet even if I am sitting here naked and tossing of more than 5 ladybugs crawling around my body as I type.
(No-one has to know everything do they?)

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 04:14 AM

I want to be Lord Privy Seal, that sounds like the job for a sadist. The streets could get messy too!

Sir John the Giok KCMG

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: GUEST,nurse ratched
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 04:37 AM

I volunteer for Ministry of Health - I'll provide universal free health care to all - and deliver it myself.

How will I pay for this, you ask?

All medical experiments will be funded by the National Euthenasia Organisation, The Multiple Colonic Irritation Society and Ratched's whips, Handcuffs & stirrups, Pty Ltd.

To your good health

N. R.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 04:40 AM

this weirdo ratched seems to pop up everywhere - i suggest we have a secret service to track her down and neutralise her - who would be strong enough to disorientate her - any volunteers - Martin Gibson?

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 09:31 AM

Lets see what ol' Bobert is today.

(Bobert spins the roulette wheel and drops the steel ball into it. Round and round and round it goes. Kirrrr-plunk!)

Danged doorman again? Man, geeze oh pete. Just a little less spin and I'd be back as dianavans "personal trainer"!!!....

Hey, there's gotta be a better way???...

After I finish my shift manning the door, me and Wes Ginny Slide Rule will see what we can come up with...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 12:01 PM

Naughty Freda!!
Lord John

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Don Firth
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 03:13 PM

Officially Curmudgeon Laureate and Minister of Education and Health (depending on how the Nurse Wretched issue is decided, of course).

Fantastic! Take that, Andy Rooney!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 04:24 PM

I happen to know that Nurse Ratched is in bed at the moment, so it is safe to talk about her. Is it just me, or does anyone else think she is a bit odd? She has these delusions of adequacy, along with a desire to deal with me in a disrespectful fashion. I don't mind singing, but singeing is not on my agenda.
John

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: GUEST,nurse ratched
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 05:27 PM

...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 05:35 PM

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 06:38 PM

Bobert:

Will you please start giving some direction around here? I'm away on holidays but couldn't help notice that "the nurse" has arrived and is up to her old tricks.

Don Firth - Do you really think she's qualified? As minister of health, you are expected to keep her in line.

d

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 07:47 PM

The nurse is turning tricks? Did she ever work for the guy with the cigar (who will remain nameless)?

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 07:56 PM

dianavan,

I'm trying but every time I look around I'm doing less and less prestigious jobs... Today I was a doorman which wasn't too fun. A little dog pee'd on my pants cuff and then every danged dog fir the rest of the day had to sniff it and try to duplicate the deed...

It's tough trying to run the world while fightin' off a bunch of mindless ankle biters... And frankly, I'm slipping backwards...

I was hoping to unviel a new "arts program" fir the public schools but after Alan Greenspan's little "Social Security may-have-to-go" thing today, I thought the timing might seem insensitive...

Danged.....

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: dianavan
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 10:40 PM

Bobert - Come to Cascadia, the land of milk and honey. No pets allowed. Change your trousers and don't worry about tomorrow. We need you here, RIGHT NOW.

brucie - you nominated him! Does he have a problem accepting responsibility or just very poor self-esteem. Maybe he just can't focus or set priorities. Forget about the damn cigar. You must be referring to the U.S.ex. Besides that, only Canada has them nice, Cuban kind.

d

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: GUEST,nurse ratched
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 07:05 AM

i'm packing mybags & i'm off... to the Maldives....

see you all later.

n.r.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 09:22 AM

Whoever said nurses are underpaid?
We shall miss you dearest nursie, and will keep yor job open for you [not]
Watch out for the sharks! We wouldn't want anything to happen to you now, would we?
John....Where's my blanket bath?

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 10:54 AM

This fits here.

> SO, WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?
1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
4. Baseball is Canadian
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed
the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned
it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure..
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to
Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never ever
surrendered or withdrew during any war with anyone, anywhere.
14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American
mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in
time to get caught.
16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
17. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's
surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human
in under 3 minutes.
19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin,
zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless
lives each year.
22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to
tell about it.
23. A Canadian invented Superman.
BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands
with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!
Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 03:41 PM

"20. We don't marry our kin-folk."

Guess you've never been to northern Ontario.


"22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it."

We have THAT to be proud of? How come we each have to repeat that experiment to learn from it?


"Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day."

That's because they don't really change anything.

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 04:07 PM

Well, brucie, in the words of the man I'm currently taking as the model for my life, "Remember, I'm pullin' for ya'. We're all in this together."

Don Firth
"Keep your stick on the ice."

Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president
From: Peace
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 04:35 PM

AHM TRYIIN TUH UHSTICK AYE THUNG.

I know a good joke about that. Takes place in the Maritimes or Quebec or Alberta--'bout marryin' kinfolk. If I could find the joke thread I'd post it there.

About elections--Ontario and Quebec decide for the country. Life in the fast lane, I s'pose.