Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Smedley
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 02:50 AM

I couldn't agree more.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 29 Jul 07 - 09:24 AM

Yeah, I used to be "a serious agricultural pest" but with rising house prices because of the second homes market I had to move into town.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 29 Jul 07 - 09:09 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_African_land_snail

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 07:15 AM

That's pretty tall for a snail

You only see me curled up.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 03:18 AM

That's pretty tall for a snail...but you would survive the floods anyway...snails do! The good news is the flood is slowly draining at last so let's hope for no more rain (That is supposed to be a joke....just like English weather).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 07:55 PM

hope it's not too deep for you!

I'm only five foot six.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:54 PM

Blitherscrum is flooded now and drainage systems are poor so it stands to reason it will be still flooded them....... hope you understand that...hope it's not too deep for you!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:46 PM

"How do you know it's going to rain on August Bank Holiday?"

This is an English Bank Holiday Monday we are talking about here. If it didn't rain....we'd want our money back!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 06:45 PM

But it was cancelled due to rain. How do you know it's going to rain on August Bank Holiday?

Oh! Sorry. Silly me.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 06:38 PM

Go back about three or four posts and you will see that the Festival is at August Bank Holiday...so I guess you are a little early...you can wait there if you want

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,nfa
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 05:31 PM

Well I have driven through the floods to get here......................where the ******* are the rest of you!!!!


Please tell me the sat nav is not playing up again!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM

Oh goody

The festival is revived.

Just when I was beginning to think the money I spent on water wings had been wasted.

Will the program be printed on waterproof paper?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 01:10 PM

Should the floods not have subsided by then....floating rubber beds have been made available for the indoor camping area. Narrowboats are not narrow enough to negotiate the doorway so they will have to be parked next to the flooded sewerage plant. Dinghys are available for all guests but guitars and banjos will have to be used for paddling them as there are no oars. Sea biscuits, complete with realistic fake weevils are being supplied free so no-one need go hungry due to the closure of the local shop.
Bread will also be made available to feed the sewer rats which have emerged from the drains since the flood...well you need to keep them happy don't you?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:16 PM

Latest News!

Blitherscrum Folk Festival has been redesignated Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival & will take place on August Bank Holiday.

Owners of narrow boats are invited to attend & can access the festival site via the all new canal created by the recent inundation of the A41 which now connects the A49 to the A1[M], all points north,south,east & west & links to the canal network at most junctions.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jun 07 - 04:41 PM

Blitherscrum Oh Blitherscrum,
Nobis semper sit amor,
Nos perituri, mortem salutamus,
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Sola resurgit vita.

Translated:-
Blitherscrum Oh Blitherscrum,
Love be with us always,
We who will perish salute death.
Life alone goes on.

(Courtesy Cat Stevens 'O Caritas')

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 30 Jun 07 - 03:27 PM

.....and as the town band finishes with a rousing rendition of "Blitherscrum Oh Blitherscrum..." the locals settle down in their ingle nooks and tea shops, happy now that the threat of invasion by scores of grockles is safely past. Once more there is little to disturb the even tenor of their days....the shutters are up...the curtains drawn...the Town Hall well barricaded...pitchforks well sharpened....roll on next year.....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 07:08 PM

Sir George Anvil...you would make a good foundation on which to hammer out next years plans.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 06:20 PM

Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007 Revived by Gobhoblin!



"Gobhoblin Music was shocked and saddened by the cancellation, we are urgently looking into the possibility of setting up a Gohgoblin weekend of music offering pub sessions, live music and dances centered on the Blitherscrum Town Hall. It is too early to be specific but we hope to have something in place very soon to
alleviate the disappointment of festival goers and to ensure that there is continuity of live music over this weekend in Blitherscrum. We wish the Blitherscrum Folk Festival organisers good luck in getting the festival back on track next year."

--
Sir George Anvil
Gobhoblin Music

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 09:00 AM

Thanks Mike,

Include me in for next year.

Dave
(I love a bit of silliness)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 08:26 AM

".....planing the next one".

Oooooh, are the Red Arrows coming?



Nice one Mike, look forward to next year.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 02:21 AM

Due to further rain the Festival is now cancelled for this year.
Perhaps next year we can have the same kind of fun planing the next one.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 11:03 AM

History suggests that she had new taps put on her shoes but they kept wetting her feet so her feet shriveled and her leanings were more over to the left than the right.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 07:59 AM

I wonder if there's someone in Mudcat land who can check on obscure laws and statutes (or even obscene statues). The reason I ask is because I seem to remember that a Town Ordinance was issued in 1475 during the reign of Good Queen Danny that specifically forbade any form of the terpsichorean arts within three groats of the seventeenth Monday after Michaelmas Eve unless early closing fell on a Wednesday. The ordinance was aimed at Danny's youngest daughter Princess Lionel, who had theatrical leanings and a pair of secondhand tap shoes.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 06:26 AM

I guess they'll be dancing "Bonny Green Gastank" and "Young Codlings" as well as "King of swells" then?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 06:22 AM

I hear the Blitherscum Underwater Morris and Rapper Team are to make their debut.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 02:38 AM

Well he needn't think he is going to start spreading any crap around about me!! Having an affair with his mrs indeed.....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mingulay
Date: 27 Jun 07 - 05:07 PM

Urine more trouble than you think mate. Eddie has been pressing his wife for the name of the person who keeps on ringing her as he suspects that she is having some sort of illicit liason with an itinerant folk type person. He was going to get some of his acolytes to "have a word" then realised that he didn't have any, so he's sending acoheavies instead!

The Festival Committee have reacted to the flooding danger by moving their meetings to the upstairs room of the Gargling Goat to save the beer being watered down anymore than it is now. Landlord Harry Piddles had no comment when asked about the affair except to say "they can cast as many nasturtiums as they like, I'm 71 you know". Students of etymology are even now studying the statement for any trace of sense or meaning. Mr Piddles is now to be the subject of a programme by the well known hairstyle Melvyn Bragg.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jun 07 - 02:00 PM

When I phoned her she said he was getting his hair done...whatever that means.
It looks like postponement of the Festival is likely as the flooding has reached the depths...or is it heights.
Manure flavoured water everywhere at the site....so Laura said it looks like urine trouble...I said no faeces..not urine. She insisted..she kept saying 'Urine trouble'..........

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 27 Jun 07 - 04:13 AM

It has been reported that Eddie Baker has been looking rather worried of late. Apparently all the recent water is affecting his primary business because (a) it is diluting his supplies and (b) because nature in the way of inundations is doing his job for him.

In an effort to reverse the situation Mr Baker has reportedly consulted local witchdoctor and transvestite Dolly Peggs who has recommended the wearing of a pigeon feather suit and anointing the head with essence of cod roe.

Mr Baker was, today, unavailable for comment as his wife has sent him to the dry cleaners.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 04:19 PM

If any flood rescue is required..please phone [phone] and ask for Laura Boht....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 11:45 AM

Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival 2007 wishes to thank the following sponsors for their generous support:



Blitherscrumb United Gardeners Group Enterprise Raspberry Suppliers [B.U.G.G.E.R.S.]

Blitherscrumb Associated Sports Team Archery Research Development Service.

[B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S.]

Blitherscrumb Independent Godly Church Ladies Information Technology Society.

Blitherscrumb Undenominational Missionarys [B.U.M.]

& many others

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 10:11 AM

Due to the prevailing floods, The Granny Knot Historical Re-enactment Society will be performing their version of the Civil War action of 1645, the Battle of Blitherscrumb; with the kind assistance of Wing Chang Lu's Champion Chinese Dragon Boats.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 08:38 AM

The locals have always known it as the Folk'n Festival anyway!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 08:17 AM

In view of the total inundation of the festival site by flood waters, the committee have decided to rename the event.

It will now be known as ' Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 07:57 AM

Just goes to show what geologists know. The Tor did indeed produce smoke but was never a volcano. It is, in fact, the last remaining remnant of the once mighty commercial empire that was Ebenezer Crudworths Smokeworks. At its height in the 1890's there were 7 such chimneys belching out the finest thick, black, choking smoke in the whole of Victorian England. By not having to worry about any other associated manufacturing process, Crudworth was able to concentrate his efforts on smoke alone and became a major supplier of condensed smoke to the Empire. Wherever the map of the world was shaded red colonial officials could open a tin of Crudworth's finest and be immediately transported back to good old Blighty. Alas, fortunes declined after the 14/18 war and in 1925 Lungrot Crudworth, Ebenezer's only son, was forced to close the works and sell the land to pay off his gambling debts.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: The Barden of England
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 06:46 AM

They need to be careful in banning 'On Top of Old Smokey' as the aforemention Bltherscrum Tor has been found to be (after a geological survey) a dormant volcano. Therefore any banning of 'On Top of Old Smokey' may well upset Vulcan and his mates. You have been warned!
John Barden

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 06:25 AM

In preparation for the impending 'no smoking ban' the committee of the Festival have also agreed to ban smokey bacon crisps, smoked salmon, smoked cheese and anyone singing Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: The Barden of England
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 05:54 AM

And seeing that all ships must have a name perhaps the 'Marquee de Sade' might well do - although being from Blithersrum it should be the 'Marquee de Sad'.
John Barden

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 05:44 AM

"being considered for the next Tall Ships race"

The winner of the Blitherscrum Annual Shanty singing competition will be appointed Shantyman-in-Chief for the Tall Ship race (should the marquee enter).

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 05:04 AM

...At last...some good news!

The Marquee has just won the Admiral's Cup in the Blitherscrum-on-Sea Annual Regatta!

Not only will this raise the profile of Blitherscrum, but also provide a boost to the festival funding after the presentation of the prize money of £32,000.

It is rumoured that the Marquee is being considered for the next Tall Ships race......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 12:14 PM

Luckily, the marquee has built-in bouyancy bags:


MARQUEE


'..there she blows!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:46 AM

Owing to a severe depression over Blitherscrum caused mainly by it having to own up to actually being Blitherscrum, there is a distinct possibility of it raining or getting dark before tomorrow morning. The ditches are already overflowing mainly due to the lack of adequate toilet facilities on the camp site and campers are asked not to deposit no.2's as they are having a damming effect downstream.

"FOOD WARNING" Do not eat the so called hot dogs!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:26 AM

Can I avoid the crowd on the Tor if I bring my own water-wings?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:12 AM

'...........but the water is wide, and I can't cross over,
and neither have I wings to fly...' - '.but give me wings like Noah's dove, ....then I'll dance on down that Walker shore!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 10:53 AM

If owing to the floods en-route to Blitherscrum, you find yourself unable to cross.....can I suggest you find a handsome boatman to row you over.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 10:12 AM

Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007

Blitherscrum Urban District Council

FLOOD WARNING!! - DANGER ALERT!!


BEWARE -IMMINENT FLASH FLOODING IN THIS AREA!!


In the event of the campsite becoming flooded, you should run over the hills and far away, failing this, seek shelter in nearby Blitherscrum Folly situated on top of Blithersbury Tor, [height158 m (518 ft)]

Inflatable dinghys are available for hire from the Stewards Tent on top of Blithersbury Tor.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 07:48 AM

I'm going to have the Tarka Masala, it's like chicken Masala but a a little 'otter.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 07:46 AM

Was it W.C Fields or someone else who said "I like children but I couldn't eat a whole one" ?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 07:42 AM

"Childrens Menu"

I never knew we had children on the menu!! How are they cooked? What side dishes go with them? Where are they sourced from, is it a sustainable source? Are Environmental Health aware?

Answers must be sought, innit.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 06:03 AM

I understand that the Caterers will be making amendments to the Childrens menu.

H's and G,s will be dropped from the Alphbetti Spaghetti and Glottal Stops will replace some T's.

The catering staff feel that the educational value of these amendments will be appreciated by parents and children alike.

Dave